How to Rekindle Relationships

Hello my friends. I'm Brendon Burchard, host of the Brendon show and founder of growthday.com and I'm honored to be your high performance coach today. I believe that every day we can be inspired. We can live with intention and purpose. We can bring the joy and honor the struggles of each day to push ourselves to grow, to serve, to be a role model, to lead extraordinary lives. I believe that every day is a great day to grow. That's why I started my company, growthday.com it's an online personal growth platform where you can get me and the world's best personal development teachers live coaching you every week, sharing our wisdom, keeping you motivated and accountable, encouraging you to find the aliveness and the connection and meaning of life that we're all after. If you're not a member yet, please go sign up@growthday.com and join our huge worldwide community of achievers. For less than a dollar a day, you get the world's best teachers live every week. And look, you've probably known for a long time that you needed some expert guidance, an inspired community and life changing tools. So please, your breakthrough awaits you@growthday.com now let's get to today's episode. My friends, please listen closely. Maybe you take some notes so you remember these insights of personal growth and share this episode with three of your friends because we all have to share more positive messages in the world today. So share this with three friends just like you who are committed to their personal growth. And also be sure to tag me or DM me on Instagram. Rendon Burchard, Join our million plus community there on Instagram so I can say hi, thanks again for listening.

Now let's begin. What creates an immediate bond with somebody and deepens relationships and makes friendships or your intimate relationships come back to life is novelty. Novelty. That's the first thing I want to talk about today. Novelty. Doing new things with people. No duh, Brennan. Earth shattering. But actually when you read any book on neuroscience, you see that novelty is always something that is so incredibly stressed that we need to create in our lives to keep things fresh because when they go stale, they die. To keep them fresh is how we grow them. So I bring in this one. I like to begin this one. Because listen, as the world opens up, whether you feel like you can move on or you can't or as we feel like we're venturing out into the world again because some people have been locked down, I want to reference to you the importance of immediately Thinking of any friends you have, who you need to reconnect with and you need to create a new experience with them. So write this down. Create new experience. I want you to go through your top 10 friend list or the top five people you like at work who you do want to develop a relationship with. How do you create a new experience with them? What's something new that you can do? Whether that is, hey, let's go out to a new restaurant together. You know how magic that can be in a relationship. When you go out with your partner, your spouse, your intimate other someone, you go to a new place, it's higher energy, it's a different level of awareness. When people are in novelty or novelty situations, their self awareness goes up, their mindfulness goes up. Biologically, we are literally built to be more attentive in new situations. And so if you actually think about some of your best friends, there was probably some new situations. You went out, did. Maybe your best friends came from when you were a teenager or in your 20s. Well, you're experiencing life anew. There was a lot of change, right? There was some of your first time experiences doing this, going out, your new friends of adventure, your new friends, your new drinking buddies, your new friends at school, those new years, everything that was new, there was a vibrancy and there was a pop there. And I really believe a lot of people right now in their life, they feel like they're slogging through. We need to introduce novelty. What is something new? What's a new experience you could create? Now let's talk about how do you take that high performance level? You schedule the newness. See, some people never have any novelty with their friends in five years. And they're like, I don't know, I don't feel connected. I'm like, you ain't done nothing new in 10 years together. That's why the friendship is dying. You want to do something new on a regular basis. So I highly recommend. Some of the closest friendship networks I've ever seen are groups of people who do a trip, a camping trip, a hiking trip, a biking trip, they're outdoors, they go do something once or twice a year. They get together for July 4th, they get together for New Year's, but there's a recurrence of them getting together, but they do something new each time. Those are some of the great deep relationships. Now I know some people go, but no, Brenda, my best friends, we just get together and we talk. We don't care if it's new or anything. I'm like, I bet you're talking about new things as you age. There is a novelty in conversation when you have friends who you don't do anything new together and most importantly you don't talk about anything new together, that friendship doesn't deepen. So I learned that and I thought, oh, you know what I'm going to be? I'm going to be that guy that introduces new topics to my friends and asks them to talk about it. I introduce novelty in my communication pattern with friends just to see where it goes. Instead of talking about what's the weather today, I'll ask about something specific. I'll share, hey, you know, I've been learning about this. What do you know about this? Or hey, you know what? I've been hearing about that. Have you ever thought about that? Or I'll bring up a topic at a friend. There's like four or five people and they're all talking about the salsa and the guacamole. And I'll be like, wow, what's the next level of conversation here? What's something new we could talk about that we haven't talked about as friends? And I'll literally, if we ever hung out, we'll sit at a table and you'll hear me say, hey you guys, I noticed we've never talked about X. And I'll just throw it out. I'm like, what do you guys think about that? And I'll just throw out a topic. I'll be like, hey guys, I notice, you know, you're all parents here. I've never heard like what's three things to be a great parent? And just I'll get the conversation going. I'll think what have we not talked about before? And I'll just throw it in the mix, right? It's just like a communication hand grenade. I'm just going to throw it in there and see where we go, right? Introduce new topics. So because I know some people go, well, yeah, yeah, yeah, you guys can go on vacations and you can do new things. I think that's amazing. With my spouse, I try to make sure that I and she has a week each year where we go do something with friends solo like separation. Like you go do something with your friends, I'll do something with my friends. Even though we all like each other, it's just to create that bond, right? Some of you guys have guys trip or gals trips. Some of you have a tie to the year that you get together and that's the recurrence what I need you to do is insert novelty more into your friendships, especially after this last year. I saw so many communication patterns in the last year where friendships became hate this political party, hate these people on the Internet and doesn't this suck? And you wonder why the vibrancy left your friendships. Because all it was was complaining and enduring together. If complaining and enduring are the only things in relationship, that relationship is a slog novelty, something new. And here's what I'm going to tell you again.

Schedule it.

I know it's not sexy, but. But high performers.

Schedule it.

Take it where you want to. I think it's important. Schedule it. Like, okay, let me think about my top five friends. I want you to think of each friend or each person you want to develop a friendship with. What's something new you could do with them?

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Now let me take this concept into the realm of finding friends. If you're like, I'm not. I don't have any new friends. I'm not meeting any friends. I'm like, what? What are you doing that's new? If you're not doing new things, entering new groups, going out to new social situations, volunteering in new places, then you're not going to have the abundance or.

The availability of new people.

And in a world where we were experiencing a lot of lockdown and loneliness, a lot of it is We've got to get back out there, whether it's online or it's in person, into new situations with new people. That's why you will hear me say, and I say this, year over year over year, the greatest way, I believe, to find great new friends is to go volunteer. Go to a fundraiser, go to a service event. When you volunteer with other people, you're in a new situation. Oh, oh, we've never been, we've never done this together. Oh, cool. Hey, we're doing this new thing together and I meet new people. That's why the networking activities are worthwhile, to meet new people. Now, again, we're going to talk about how to develop those relationships. But I think it's important. If you're not satisfied with your old friends or your maintenance friends, you need to get into a new circle. How do you get new circles? I believe volunteering. I believe networking events. I believe conferences are the deepest, fastest ways for an adult to have new conscious conversations. Notice I didn't say a bar, though. I think bars are fine. I have nothing against, you know, if you want to go out to bars. I think it's like pseudo. Okay, but here's the other thing. Do you have one close friend? If you have one close friend, ask them, hey, when we go out to Friday dinner, bring one of your close friends. Most of you actually already have a social circle, but you don't invite them together. So if you're friends with me, you always say, hey, bring three people. I always say that, hey, bring three people. We're going to go out on Friday. Bring three people. They're like, who? I'm like, I don't care. Three people. And I'm building my own network through my own network. I'm that guy. Bring three people. You come to my event, bring three people. Just bring three people. And there's always new people showing up in my life. Why? Because I always say, like a broken record, bring three people. I know this is so simple, but do you do that? Do you do that consistently? Are you scheduling time with friends to do new things? Do you ask them to bring new people into your mix? Most people live like this. No new people. And I'm like, new people, come on in. I just like it. And it's not because I'm an extrovert. It's because I wanted the quality of life where novelty was at play. My brain is always sparking. I get diversity of thought, meeting new people. I'm put in new situations. So I have to adapt and gain more self awareness. And social acuity, putting myself in novel situations by inviting new people, going to new networking events, going to conferences. Now, I know this is where I lose everybody, but you don't understand, Brennan. I'm an introvert. Yes, amazingly, after 20 years in personal development, I've actually met some introverts on the Myers Briggs. I'm right down the line between introvert and extrovert. You can't write six books without being a little bit of an introvert. If you are blaming your style here, this is where we have to talk about personal development. When people only do their style and don't reach for the lifestyle and the goals they want, they begin to suffer. Well, I'm not like that. I know, but what you are probably like is going to be stuck. And sometimes to experience a more extraordinary quality of life, we have to go beyond our own styles and our own strengths and put ourselves in novel situations that challenge us to learn and grow and interact. We got so used to as a culture assessing the Western. Well, these are my strengths and this is my style that we use those as justifications not to try new things. And that's why many people, when they have a new goal or a new dream, sabotage themselves. Well, I'm not like that. As you know. I want to be a writer. I noticed the best selling authors, they were going on media and doing appearances and they had videos and things like that. And I didn't like this, like talking to a camera like this, insanely uncomfortable for me. Crazy. I had to learn to do it. I didn't go well, I'm not like those writers that can talk in the media. I'm like, you know what, that's not a skill yet. I'm going to get good at that. I'm going to put myself in that situation. It'll be new, it'll be challenging and I'm going to have to rise up and learn how to do that. I didn't say I'm like this kid that can't do these things. I said, do I want to experience that? Then let me become more, let me grow into that. I was very uncomfortable with people when I was younger and so I had to put myself in situations that stretched me. Now if you are introverted like I was, especially back then, you do those things and then what do you do? You take time to recover. You can go out in the world and then come home and live inside and recover and then go out again when you're ready. That was me. I had a lot of, I'm a guy If I go to a party, I'm exhausted afterwards because at that party, I'm just like, I'm vibing, I'm trying, you know, and then when I get home, I. I'm tired, I'm wiped out. But it doesn't mean I never do it because it's not my style. So it's important for yourself right now. I really believe some of you guys know I did a course with Oprah Winfrey Network and Oprah named the course because we were talking about what we were going to do and she named the course. It was called Reignite youe Life. If you are in a place and you want to reignite your life right now, don't hope novelty lands on you. Schedule it, go do it, invite it in. And I promise things will get better.

Right?

I do things even in my own videos. I do things in my own work each day. I am constantly inputting novelty so I don't get bored or make life feel like it's a slog aliveness. It turns out in the neurochemicals that we can measure in neuroscience comes from that dopamine drip hitting with variety and novelty. I know you all know this. I'm asking you now to strategically schedule it and invite it in. To strategically schedule it. Invite it in. If you looked at my calendar, you're like, look at all these new things this kid is doing. He must be a wild child. No, I'm like, I'm just putting him in there because I want to create the zest of life.

Okay, my friend, I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Brendon Show. Tell some people about this episode. It's on each of us to spread positivity and empowerment during these times of chaos and negativity.

Right?

So I'm asking you to be the dealer of hope and personal growth and education in your tribe. So take a screenshot right now and share the screenshot and this link to this episode with three of your friends today. Post it on social media. Use the hashtag growthday. That's growthday, because that's the name of my company and we're always giving away prizes to our community. If you'd like to help me personally, then please rate and review the podcasts on Apple Podcasts. Give us some stars, cheer us on, leave a review. Because believe it or not, that stuff actually really does help. And I read all of them. So my last thought for today, please remember, you are stronger than you think and the future holds good things for you. Tomorrow can be an inspired day. Every new morning is a second chance. Every day is a great day to grow. We're thankful to have you here in the Growth Day community, so be sure to go deeper with us@growthday.com. Sam.