How to Remove Fear From Your Life

What would you do if you knew that succeeding the next level could bring more belonging? What's the next thing you would really go for if you thought that next thing would actually bring you greater connection with your family, your friends, your loved ones? Like, what are the dreams that you have that will actually bring you closer to people? Maybe those are some things to focus on again versus the dreams that you have that you're scared of because it might push people away. Because we're always doing those two actions, right? We're running away for something, we're running towards them. I'm like, run towards acceptance versus running away from rejection. Today I'm going to share with you the four types of fear and what to do about them. And inevitably, look, I know that you're here, so you're super driven on personal development and motivation, just like I am. And I also know that I struggle with each of these. So I know no matter how high performing and amazing you are, you probably struggle with these too. So this is going to be a really great session for you to bust out your journal, to really think about your career and your health and your family at this time of your life. Because everyone struggles with these things. And if we can unlock these things for you, then as you power into these next couple months, you'll be starting off on the right foot. I'm excited to share with you these conversations. You know, I want to start just by congratulating you all for being here, taking time out of your days for personal development. That's the secret. That's the secret. So I want to congratulate you. Virtual high five, everybody. Now, if you haven't been with us here before, there's nothing for sale here. I just have time with you to train you to use this moment as, as maybe a re up. You know, in, in high performance training, we call it leveling up. That, you know, maybe your week or your month has been pretty good. Now this I hope is like a, a fire starter conversation for you to say, okay, let's go to the next level. I'm ready, I'm fired up. But to do that, we're going to have to deal with some fears today. I'll share with you a question we get asked all the time, Brendan, how do you coach celebrities? So frankly, I don't coach celebrities entirely different than everybody else, but, but I look for unique and specific things with them related to these fears and this performance conversation. I'll teach you guys. Let's have this conversation. So I hope that you have a little bit of that spirit right now, too, and refocusing on what do you really want now? And have you started thinking about that yet? And I always tell people at this time of year, don't crash and burn. Meaning just go, well, heads down. I'll get through another week, I'll get through another. Lift your head up this time of year. Look around, See who in your family has been neglected this year. See what major projects you've neglected this year. See what really needs to be handled, apologized for, gotten done by the end of this year. You got time, my friend. You got a lot of time still. So really jump into finishing this year with excellence. I think too many people crash and burn and it's, you know, it's a hot mess. They don't serve as their highest level. They don't feel energized or satisfied or enthusiastic for the day. And then what happens? Well, now they get grumpy, and now you got that grumpy bear running around the house. And they're really grumpy because they're not taking care of themselves and they're not getting progress. And so not taking care of yourselves, not getting progress. Grumpy bear, start ruining some relationships. Ruined relationships lead to more grumpy bears. And I think a lot of it happens due from a very simple thing. And this is one of the most important things. If you really want to start a performance conversation in your team, you want to start that, that higher level of achievement for yourself, you want to go to another level, you have to raise your intention for completing things well, right? Does it make sense? Think about your next marketing promotion or that next big presentation you're going to have. The higher intention you have about delivering that with excellence, the more likely it is you'll be a high performer. You know, it's like, you got that paper due, get really intentional. Like, I am a person who's going to write this paper with great excellence, great care. I care about the outcome being good. What we found in one of the world's largest studies of high performers ever done, which many of you guys know are part of our book, High performance habits. But what did we learn in that study? We learned that one of the number one reasons people reach high performance in their life is they raise the necessity that in their mind, what we call psychological necessity or sometimes performance necessity, they make it necessary for themselves to do well in the upcoming situations, like they mentally prepare or physically prepare, but they take the identity, their body, their mind, their heart, their soul, and their spirit. And they say, I am somebody who's going to do well here? That's just who I am. I'm going to do well in this situation. I'm going to complete this with the best excellence I can notice. The word is complete. So perfectionists out there, please remember the. The root word of perfectionism is to perfect. And you cannot perfect something unless you complete it first. You have to finish it or release it or complete it, then keep tinkering to perfect it, to get it better and better and better, but you got to get it done. So for those who've been waiting to do something because you're like, well, Brendan, I'll do that when I have time. Because I'm a perfectionist, my friend. You got time, but not that much. If I can motivate anything before we cover the reasons that maybe you get stuck, I want you to raise that necessity, raise that intention that says I am going to finish strong. Whatever that means for you. If that means, you know, just winning a few more days, winning a few more moments, winning a few more mornings, you know, just knocking off those four or five major projects, whatever it is for you, just. If I gave you any gift today, my friend, if you get one thing from me today, it is raise that necessity to complete the year well. When you focus, you'll enter happier, you'll enter more grounded. And I don't know about you, but when I'm happier and I'm more grounded and satisfied, I set bigger dreams. I believe that more is possible for me. I enjoy that process of envisioning the year. But if I crash and burn at the end of the year, you know, I'm like, oh, God, I hope this year I catch up. Oh, you know, starting the new becomes about buttoning old things up versus starting a new level. So, my friend, finish strong if you'll do that. Just a free spirit, free with more bandwidth, free to do the things you really want, and most importantly, free to dream and free to be disciplined at making things happen. So button it up, my friend. Let me share with you maybe why that will be difficult for some people. And let me share with you maybe why some people might have wanted for themselves at a personal and professional level. And it ultimately comes back to those challenges we have in making a great year, almost always come back to these four fears. Now, if you've heard me talk about fears before, you know, I usually say that there's, you know, sort of three types of fear, and those types of fear are usually oriented towards, like, loss. Like, I'm scared I'm going to Lose, you know, my identity or I'm scared I'm going to lose my job, or I'm going to lose money or I'm going to lose something. I also talk about the way that we think about fear. We also scared of the hardship pains. You know, it's like, oh, it's going to be difficult or hard or I won't know how to do it, or I'll look stupid, or the outcome pains. And the outcome pains are, well, if I do all that and it doesn't turn out well, well then, you know, what's that say about me? Or, gosh, why would I have wasted all that time? So usually when I think about fear, I kind of think about it in, I guess, sort of three time periods. Like before I do the thing, I'm scared if I do that thing, I'm going to lose what I currently have. And then I think about, well, in the process of it, I'm scared I'm going to have some pain, it's going to be hardship. And I'm scared after I do it, it won't turn out well. And I think that's where our minds usually are when we are consciously contemplating fear, right? If we sit down, we think about, okay, I'm going to do this thing. And we're, you know, very conscious or aware. We sense that, oh, maybe I'll lose this, maybe that'd be hard, maybe it won't turn out well. But that's really the rationalized fears. I think there are also very impulsive fears that we have that often maybe underlie beneath the surface. We're not aware of those ones. And those ones are also very, very, very powerful in shaping what we do and we do not do. And that's what these four are. They're a different type affair. These are kind of like under the radar. We know that they're there, but we usually don't rationalize them, right? So let me give you an example. If you go to start a new job, right, or start a new career or start a new project or a new mission, if you rationalize it, you say, well, I'm scared to do, you know, start this new job because you know, that would mean I'm going to lose this job. And I like some of my clients here, or I like my benefit package here, or I like the security, I'm scared I'm going to lose my security or something that I like. And then you can rationalize, well, and then, you know, to go get a new job or start this new thing, I'm going to have to start my business or I'm going to have to, you know, put my applications out, do all these interviews. It's going to be pain in the butt. I might not do good hardship. And if I do get a new job or I do get. Get a new career or start a business, maybe it doesn't earn me as much as this one. Those are rational. Those are easy to understand. Those are. I love those ones because I can decode those ones. People can talk about them openly. They usually know what they are. But very few people would point to these things and readily acknowledge or see that these are the ones holding them back. Now, when I go through them, some of them you go, yep, that's one. I can understand that part of my life. But many of them, I just want to preface all this with many of these, you're going to be resistant to. You're going to say, oh, no, that's not me, Brendan. I'm so conscious. You know, you don't. No, no, no, Brandon, I dealt with that years ago. Everything's great. And yet I worked with some of the most influential people in the world who are confident, who do contribute, who do inspire or reach millions of people, and they still struggle with these. When we get to the root of it all, they might not use these words, but these fears are present. So let's work through them. Okay, the first of the four fears is one. The first one you'll recognize. You go, yep, that's one. And I want to, before I reveal it, I want you to think about, have you come as far as you wanted? Like, have you made as many client calls, made as much business? Have you been as great of a mom or a dad? Have you got progress? I mean, have you really got a lot of momentum, as much as you really wanted? Okay, if not, let's see if this one behind door one is your. Is your enemy, because maybe it's door two, maybe it's door three, maybe it's door four, or maybe it's all of them. I know you're like, brendan, get to the point, pull the tab, tell me what it is. Stop all the warmup and just reveal the first one, which you know is the fear of rejection. As a social species, acceptance, validation, belonging is so built into our DNA. Like, it's just who. It's, like, so important to us that doing anything that would risk us looking like a fool, that would make your family make fun of you, that would make somebody stop loving you or caring for you as much or doing something where you would truly feel like you are now ostracized by people that you care about or care for. It's terrifying for people. It's funny though, when I sit down with a 40 year old and we're talking about their life and you know, they're secure at home and they're secure at work and things are going good, you know, so life is good, but they're trying to reach that next level. Sometimes we have to really ask, am I fearing rejection? Is that why I'm not at the next level now? Again, most people wouldn't point to that. They wouldn't be like, well, yes, I fear rejection. Even though they know it's a human story. They're like, well, lots of people fear rejection, but they'll say, well, not me. And I'll say, here's the simple tell, here's how we know. Did you take as much risks as you should have? That's it. If you didn't take the risks, then please don't tell me that fear is not an issue in your life. And please don't tell me rejection's not because you were scared doing that thing and this might not have been fully conscious. You were scared doing that fully thing, jumping into that goal, that dream. Somebody might say something to you they might hate on you on the Internet. Your neighbors might look at you funny if they don't already. You might have had somebody around kind of like you just knew their negativity would increase the more risk that you took. Even though you knew those risks were really the next right actions of integrity for you. Right? That's what I'm always telling people. It's like when you're stuck and you don't know what to do. I always say, just take the next right action of integrity for you, whatever that is, speak up for yourself, Take that step, move towards that dream, whatever you got to do. Take that next right action of integrity. Well, for a lot of people, that's scary when the spouse isn't going to be supportive, when the boss is going to say no, when the business is secure. But now you're going to try something new that might risk your ROI or your cash flow. It's scary. It's scary. And what we all want so much is to be loved and validated and accepted and belong. And most people don't look at this one. So let's flip it on its head a little bit. Let's flip it on its head because we know it's a powerful driver for people, even if they're not fully aware of how much they really are doing. You know, when people read my book, the motivation Manifesto, they're always like, man, I didn't realize how much I was doing to please other people. Because those who you might say, well, rejection's not an issue. And I'll go, well, are you a pleaser? Are you a people pleaser? Are you someone who makes a lot of compromises in your life to help other people because you just feel like you need to do that? And they go, yeah. I said, do you ever please other people to the detriment of yourself? They go, yeah. I go, well, then you have rejection issues. If you can't say no, you have rejection issues. If you can't take risks, you have rejection issues. If you're trying to please everybody all the time at the cost of your own health, wealth, joy, confidence in life, you have rejection issues. And that's okay. I know you're like, dang, Brendan, don't tell me I have rejection issues. I have experienced life. But I'm telling you, I don't know anybody who doesn't have some. Somewhere. Like, if you're really going to go to a new level, I mean, just think about this. Did you call enough clients this year? Did. Did you outbound? Did you email enough? Did you. Did you do enough social media? And for a lot of people say, well, Brennan, I didn't have the time. And we dig deep. It wasn't time because they had time for four hours of television that week. They were scared putting themselves out there might draw a specific kind of attention. That's a rejection issue. They were scared to say, no, I'm not going to do these things over here anymore, guys, because I want to do these things over here. And if they didn't make that leap, they had rejection issues. And I'm just trying to reframe it for you people, because, you know, often we say, well, I got rid of rejection concerns in high school or college. I'm like, if you're still trying to please and you're still not making the leaps and you're still not standing up for yourselves, and you're still not putting yourself out there fully expressed yet, then let's dig deep and understand that might be a thing. And so I just say, hey, look, going in the next couple months, first and foremost, just be more aware. You know, awareness is always the first gate to change. And so, okay, I understand. You know, maybe I am concerned about what other people think and that's preventing me from living my life. And so what to do a couple simple recommendations. Number one, make sure you read at some point of your life the motivation manifesto. It will put fire in you to stop being a people please pleaser and it will put you back onto marching the right path for yourself. And it will do it with some language that will absolutely put some fire under your belly. Second, though, let's flip the script a little bit here. If we know that human belonging, acceptance and love is so important to us, but right now we are focused on a rejection or a concern what they might think if I say yes or no or don't do my thing, then, then maybe we can flip it and say, oh, well, what would I have to do to gain the next level of love, connection, belonging or validation in this group of people who I want to serve, who I want to care for, who I want to contribute to. So let me give you like a tangible example. Okay. For me, I think a part of my early career, when I was first starting public speaking, I really didn't want to share too much about my own internal world or my own sort of life experiences because I just wanted to teach. I just wanted to say, here's the concept, go apply it to your life. Here's the questions. Go. I was more like the tools based or implementation type trainer, right? Very tactical and yeah, some transformational. But I wasn't really like owning it myself because I just thought, well, I really want to put myself out there in that way because I don't want all the attention back. The truth was that was, that was a fear of rejection. If I'm honest, I could see that about myself. And yeah, I was starting to become successful, but lots of us are successful and we still have that fear, right? So to get over it, what did I do? I didn't have to go some deep regressive work into my childhood to understand rejection. No, because rejection is always. No one ever rids themselves of this completely. And if anyone ever said that they did, I just have to suggest that maybe they're living too comfortable of a life and not contributing the level they really could. Because when you're really giving, serving, and there's no way that at some point the human impulse for acceptance won't like snap in your head. It's always going to snap, okay? So when it snaps and you feel it, turn it around and say, okay, what would I have to do to get the next level of belonging or acceptance or love here? Because you know what that does? It makes you more proactive. It says, you know what? I'm Going to have, I'm scared of, I have some concerns of rejection. So I'm going to make it even more important to me to be present with those who I love to connect with them. I'm worried they're going to reject me or make fun of me based on appearances. So, you know, I better really show up and demonstrate who I am so they're less likely to reject me because I'm showing my full truth. Maybe I'm worried what they're going to think on me, you know, in the YouTube community. So, okay, how would I deliver with such excellence that more people would like me, would share me, would accept? Right? Remember that first question going back to I am a person of excellence, so how can I serve here in a better way? That's what I'm suggesting to you. Instead of like feeling like the fear and the rejection is some weird thing. No, everyone has it. So now flip it and say, what would I have to do to demonstrate even more of me in a way that I would connect better? Right? That's why you go read books like, you know, Dale Carnegie's how to Win Friends and Influence People, Right? That's why you get interested in putting yourself out there and being vulnerable and being real so that you can have more of what you really want. Belonging. People go, well, I don't want to be vulnerable because I'll be rejected. I'm like, yeah, but if you're never vulnerable, you'll never also never have belonging. Double sided coin, buddy. Are you going to live on this side of the coin where I'm scared, don't want to be rejected, so I'm not going to be vulnerable? Or do you want to live on this side of the coin? I'm being vulnerable so I'm getting more belonging. You see, that's what I'm saying. Flip it, flip it. Do the actions that bring more connection in your life versus don't do the actions to avoid the pain of rejection. If that's an aha moment for you, write it down in your journals. Capture this today. But please get this one, get this. What would you do if you knew that succeeding the next level could bring more belonging? What's the next thing you would really go for if you thought that next thing would actually bring you greater connection with your family, your friends, your loved ones? Like what are the dreams that you have that will actually bring you closer to people? Maybe those are some things to focus on again versus the dreams that you have that you're scared of because it might push people away because we're always doing those two actions, right, where we're running away from something or running towards them. I'm like, run towards acceptance versus running away from rejection. It's a much better pull in life. And connection is one of the ten human drives. If you read another one of my books, the charge, right, the 10 human drives, connection, it's everything to us. Okay, second big point up here. Oh, my gosh, this is a big one. If you didn't take that big risk this year. I bet this one. Oh, I bet this one was rubbing on your brains and you're like, why didn't I do that thing? It's because we fear ruin. We think, if I do that, I will be ruined, I will go bankrupt, she will break up with me, our relationship will never recover. These things like, like, we catastrophize. That's where real fear comes from, is when we are taking a fear and we are catastrophizing, we are making it so big and so broad and so detrimental that we're like, that thing would, you know, that'll kill me. We say, right, oh, if she left me, that'd kill me. Or, oh, my gosh, if I did that thing and we failed at it, we be ruined forever. You've heard yourself say this nonsense, ruin. The fear of complete and utter irreversibility of a negative consequence. That's what it is. It's that fear of just complete irreversibility of a negative consequence. And here's the thing. If you've ever found yourself like, I'm not going to do that, because that could ruin us. You're in a ruined mindset versus a learning mindset. I tell people all the time who say, well, Brendan, you understand, I'm not scared of ruin. I'm just scared of being disappointed. And I said, no, you're just not into learning yet. You're not scared of disappointment. You're just not into learning yet. Because when you are into learning now, disappointment and ruin aren't even on the table anymore. Because everything is a test, Everything is a data point. Everything is something to learn from, and everything is a jumping off point, not a cliff. And once you get that, it's like, oh, so what big thing did you not do and thought it would be ruinous? I know a lot of people in the industry of entrepreneurialism or small business owners or people who want to be in that, and they go and they say, well, Brenda, I'm scared to start my own business, because what do they say? I'll go Broke, I'll face financial ruin. And I'm always like, you know what? No one ever hits financial ruin. They really don't. There is no financial can't come back from place because every person can make a new dollar, right? And that new dollar is, that's one peg up and another dollar, another new dollar. And I speak to this not flippantly to you. I went bankrupt in my life. Really, I mean full on bankruptcy. In the early part of my life when I first started my first business and I was trying to do 10 teaching and training and online training and workshops, I didn't know what I was doing. Totally went bankrupt. And I never thought this is forever. Oh my God. I was like, you know what, this sucks. Not what I want. So what's the next right action of integrity? Why is it important that I still show up and deliver with excellence? What will I do today? If there is tomorrow, there is no ruin. If there is tomorrow, there is no ruin. So what do you do? As soon as you start feeling yourself catastrophizing, remember to ask yourself better questions and say, okay, not what I wanted. So what should I do today? Not what I wanted. What am I going to do tomorrow morning, tomorrow afternoon, tomorrow evening to start moving it forward to making that next dollar or that next right action of integrity to make that next call, that next email. There's always a next, right? Always a next. It's like it's one of the great four letter words of all time. Next, right? So ruin shouldn't be stopping you. Fear of ruin. You just have to know where that is because what you're doing is you're catastrophizing. And this is really important if you don't feel like you made big leaps this year. There was, you were scared, you were like, I'm going to jump off this cliff and take this action and I'm going to fall to my death. Ruin, death, destruction. Instead of saying, I'm going to jump off this cliff and I'm going to fly, baby, I don't know how and I might fall for a little bit, but I'm going to flap those wings at some point. I'm going to catch that wind. And here we go. Your expectancy was in the gutter versus in the air. You were looking down versus looking up. You were feeling down versus animating yourself so you felt better and that you moved further. So my friends, be wary of the ruinous thoughts, those global catastrophizing, dead, negative, forever things that you have. Soon as you hear it, you Gotta flip it. As soon as you hear it, you got to flip it. Now, we're only halfway through of this particular topic, but here's what I want to share with you. This might be a really good thing for you to add to your weekly reviews. Like a lot of people when they do weekly reviews and high performance, they're only focused on what did I achieve this week, you know, what things I get done, what do I still have to do, what moments do I feel grateful for? And I'm like, that's good. But also along with focusing on what moments I feel grateful for and having a gratitude journal, maybe in part of your gratitude journal you add a fear journal and you go, what was I scared of this week and how could I release that? So I enter next week a more confident, bold, thoughtful person who's not catastrophizing, who is optimistic. Because we know in every area one of the most dominant powerful human traits related to long term success in almost every positive psychological outcome from health to happiness, to positive marriages, to better behaviors that support you, is this human trait of optimism, like having an optimistic outlook. Well, if you're always stuck in fear, how optimistic are you going to be? Like the most fearful people I know are also tend to be extreme pessimists, you know, who, who they just look at everything as dark. And that's because they've never challenged themselves to see the other side. They spent so much mental energy on the darkness that they forgot that, you know, the shadow in the room can only exist because the room is illuminated. So they focus on the shadow in the corner and miss that the whole room was lit up. And that's what we have to remember to focus on those positive things and to address where we might be catastrophizing, fearful, pessimistic, dark. And so that's why I say put on your weekly review. I know that doesn't sound incredibly motivating. You mean every week, Brendan, look at the things I might be fearful? Yeah, that's called self awareness. Like if I don't know why I'm not taking actions, well then clearly I'm not measuring each week what's preventing me from taking those actions. But as soon as I very clear about what's preventing me from taking those actions, then next week I'm much more likely to take better actions. I know that sounds so basic, but let's test. Do you have a weekly review that every week you review parts of your life and what's important to you? If you don't, please don't tell me you're really a high performer because it's impossible to be leveling up consistently. Remember, high performance is consistent and sustained success over the long term. And you can't sustain it unless you know, at least it's growing a little bit as you're growing. So make sure that you have that weekly review. Test your fears, test your assumptions, ask what held you back this week and deal with that. And people are like, well, I don't know how to deal with that. I'm like, you know, how to deal with it completely. Just acknowledge it, see it. Sometimes acknowledging and seeing something over and over and over and over again is the way to decouple from the fear, right? It's that old thing in helping people overcome phobias. You slowly introduce them to more of that phobia. They see it more, they interact with it more, and they realize it's not so scary, public speaking, so terrified. Well, if I put you on stage 50 times, the 51st time, you're less scared, right? Exposure therapy, they often call it. Well, I just want you to expose yourself to your fears more every single week by asking, what? What held me back? And as you see those, you go, oh, that's what's holding me back. And now week after week after week after week after week, 52 weeks of that, you start seeing that list dwindle because you're familiar with it. And like, oh, not such a big thing. Oh, I was fearful this was bad thing was gonna happen, you know, on Wednesday, I was terrified that meeting was gonna go bad. And somehow Friday, you still had a job. Congratulations on your weekly review. You go, what a dumb fear that was. I totally survived. And now that next meeting, next Wednesday, it ain't scary no more. You got it. You need the weekly review.

Hey, guys, it's Brandon. I'm jumping in here real quick. First, I want to make sure you've gone to progressmode.com to join the newsletter because I have a resource for you related to this episode and I have an upcoming meetup with my private group, Ultra. If you've ever liked to be in a private group with me where I help you get more progress towards your passion projects or to build your business or your brand in a bigger way to just go to progressmode.com, click on Private group to apply to. See if you can get into Ultra and we can take it to the next level by getting in person and meeting up virtually once a month online as well. Just go to progressmode.com third big idea.

In overcoming our fears is that fear of regret. Fear of regret is such fear, such a sort of, it's like a stake in the ground that you're tied to. You know, when you just, you, you won't, you know, you want to go beyond a boundary, but this fear of regret stops you because you know, you don't, you don't want to regret taking an action because if you took an action and you rejected and you were ruinous and then you felt like, I knew I should have done that, well, how doubly like doesn't this make everything else worse? Right? If you fear these things and they happen now you regret the action, it's 10 times worse. But that's what we keep doing. We 10 times our fears by going, well if I do it, I'll regret it. And so we got just like other things. We have to flip this a little bit and we have to go, oh, okay, well what if, what if I do positive things so that I don't have negative regrets versus saying well I don't want to do that because I would experience negative regret. Does that make sense? So what positive things can you do so you don't have regret versus fearing something and stopping so you don't have regret? Meaning most people use regret the wrong way. They use regret as a reason to not do something. I don't want to do that because I'll regret it versus I'm going to do those things so I don't have regret. Right. Many of you guys know my story from my car accident as a 19 year old kid. Part of the reason I live so courageously and boldly and I put myself out there so much all the time is because I don't want to get to the end of my life and say, you know what, I served half ass because I was scared. I don't get the end of my life and regret. Going through so many days not present going through so many days just going through the motions. Going through so many days not engaged with my passions, my enthusiasms, my loves, my people. Like I don't want to be that guy who's rocking on the rocket chair saying I wish I woulda, shoulda, coulda at the end of my life. So I take positive daily actions to avoid that type of experience. Does it make sense? And then I would also say same thing with regret and ruin. They're really connected so closely in that we think, well, you know, I don't want to get to the end of my life. Wish I would have, should have, could have and act like there's still not a tomorrow. The ideal of hope for a better tomorrow is one of the great deconstructors of fear. Because most of our fear is tied to. There's a block there. Like, fear introduces, like this black wall in front of us, and we forget on the other side, there's all this open field of freedom. And we just keep thinking our fear, like, narrows our view so tightly that we forget that there's tomorrow. So people, their regrets are held so close. Like, I don't want to do that because I'll regret that and it'll be irrecoverable. And I'm just like, well, when you have a learning mindset, there's not much regret. Like, just like, I don't have a lot of disappointment. I also don't have a lot of regret because I was like, oh, I did that didn't work out. Darn it, okay. Shouldn't have done that. Learn, adjust behavior, right? A lot of people who struggle with concerns. And here's a tell if you're a person who, like, if regret is driving you, if this year you also felt a lot of guilt, Guilt is a great tell that you have a psychological propensity for the fear of regret. They're like, you know, twins. It's just like people who have lots of fear of regret also tend to have high psychological concern for guilt. Like, they're guilty, they feel guilty all the time. I feel guilty, I feel guilty, I feel guilty, I feel guilty. And so guess what? I don't want to do anything else because I'll regret it. Because I already feel bad about myself, so why take an action? I feel so bad about myself. Why take an action? And so their regret has become something that has stop them. Their guilt is something that adds on to that. And now they're immobilized because of high fear of regret and psychological guiltiness. And so what I tell people, I say, look, if you got a lot of guilt, there's the simplest ways out, right? The simplest ways out of guilt. I mean, I mean, the path out of guilt starts at the path of forgiveness for yourself, for other people. And I also tell these people this. We think of forgiveness often as forgiveness of just ourselves, which you should do. I mean, you got to let it go. You can't advance with all the baggage of self hate. You got to let that stuff go. And so what I tell people is as much as we fear that, like, I'm going to, you know, I'm going to regret and I have a Lot of guilt. And they don't let that go. And they think forgiveness is just about themselves and others. I also go, you know what? Forgive yesterday. You weren't as wise or intentional or thoughtful as you could be today. And remember, that's the ideal of hope. I go, oh, I don't have to regret yesterday. I don't have to be guilty about yesterday because you know what? I'm better today. I learned from that. I'm telling you, the learning mindset is the great release of fear. Because soon as you approach it, it's like, I'm going to learn through it and get better. Now. The fear doesn't stop you anymore because you don't say, well, I'm going to stuck here or stuck here, or this will happen forever. The forever goes away when you finally step into the realization that there is hope, there is a tomorrow. And I would say one reason fear doesn't stop me because I'm such a hopeful dork. I'm just so confident and connected that tomorrow's gonna be great. Even if literally tomorrow isn't great. Well, I know then the next week will be great. Gonna be amazing. And does it mean I've never had bad years? No, I had terrible years. You guys know you had a brain injury in 2011 that made the next three years of my life really frigging hard. But I still went in each of those years, even knowing I was physically compromised with a brain injury, I still went in optimistically because what's the alternative? Who wants a bleak outlook? Because you know what? I think one side of regret would be to have lived your whole life with a bleak outlook. Because you'll get to the end and you go, damn it. I didn't appreciate it. I didn't appreciate all those days I had. I didn't appreciate all the second chances I had. Every time I woke up a new Monday morning, I didn't appreciate it. I missed the whole ride. You know, I stood in line for the ride of life the whole time. I never got on the ride. I was just a waiter. I was just a watcher. I was just. I never really engaged. That's real regret. And I can share with that because I've been there in hospices with people in the last weeks, hours, minutes of their life. And if there is regret, it's usually a lack of full engagement with life. I didn't really show up. I didn't appreciate what I had. So if you got a lot of regret, you gotta learn to forgive the guilt, forgive the bad days and start Appreciating today again. Because you know what? When you fall in love with the moment, when you fall in love with this opportunity you have, when you really appreciate the now, then there's not a lot of room for fear in that, right? In that deep feeling of appreciation. It's hard for fear to edge itself in. So let go of the regret concerns, my friend. There's a tomorrow, and it's gonna be amazing. Last piece, number four. This is what we really fear. Responsibility. We fear that we are actually very responsible for our lives. It's like that great Marianne Williamson quote you've ever heard, right? The thing we fear so much. She was basically saying, I don't remember the exact quote, but she was basically that, you know, we're not so much afraid that we're inadequate. We're actually fearful of our full power. Because what would that really bring out in us? What would that say if we were fully responsible for the outcomes in our life? What would it say if we had more power than we were actualizing in life? That's scary. People are scared of responsibility. And in very tactical ways. Like, if I said to you, hey, I'm going to make you responsible for. Let's say you own a small business, and I say, I'm going to make you responsible for 50 more employees and all of their mortgages. A lot of people go, oh, my God, right? Total terror to be responsible for other people's lives, right? Or other people's mortgages or other people's whatevers. And so responsibility is scary to people, right? Think about how many. And forgive this if this was an experience in your life or you did it. But I think it is a powerful metaphor, and I think it's true. Think about how many deadbeat debts dads bailed on their families because they were scared. The responsibility of providing love, connection, support, finances, so they bailed. I think that's one of the true fears of life, right? I mean, if you're a parent or, you know, you've ever experienced having some child or you had to be a caregiver, and you love somebody so much, that responsibility of taking care of other people is scary to them. It's easier to walk. It really is. But I also think so many people, they chose that easier path away from responsibility. And at the end of their life, they have a lot of this because they realized they were cowards. Not a nice thing to say, but this is what they say. They realize they lived a cowardly life because they never took real responsibility for their days, for their jobs. For their careers, for their health, for the love of the family. And by the way, this is not me judging. This is what people say at the end of their lives. Like when someone's at the end of their life and they feel ultimate regret, it's always because they didn't appreciate or have reverence for life. They didn't connect with other people and they sensed they were cowardly in some way. They didn't assume that personal power that comes with responsibility. And this is not some perspective of mine. I mean, look at any, any great personal development teacher at the base of everything they teach is personal responsibility or what used to be called self reliance. That sense of personal power that says I am in command of my life doesn't mean you're in command of everything that happens to you in life, but you are in command of your responses. And what we are scared of is, is that we won't show up as our best self to deal with those demands, right? We're scared of taking full responsibility for everything. Cause what would that say about our lives? But I take full responsibility for everything in my life. It doesn't mean I believe I caused everything. Does that make sense? So Law of Attraction, people, calm down. One second. Take a breather. I'm not saying you attracted cancer, babe. I'm not saying you attracted that mean person. I'm not saying you attracted the bankruptcy, right? A lot of that bad teaching early on in the days of the new Law of Attraction was just misguided because there's lots of things that happen to us that are cosmic, chaotic, weird things that we can't explain or we'll never be able to understand. It's things that we didn't attract, we didn't want to happen. They happen. And it wasn't because you had bad character or you were a negative person or you'd done something bad. Look, bad things happen, happen to good people. If you haven't read it, it's a great book. How good people deal with Bad Things. But I would also share with you that ultimately we are responsible for our responses. We are responsible for the people who we become. Maybe you didn't ask for that. Cancer. You are responsible for how you are going to deal with that. And for those who go, well, that's too flippant to say. I'm like, I just remind you, go back and read some Viktor Frankl man's search for meaning. He said it best. He said, the last of the human freedoms is the ability to choose one's own attitude. They can take away Everything else, but they can't take away how you respond in mind. And when you know that that gives you great power and responsibility in life. And so when you feel like a victim, this is one of your great fears. You might not call it that, you might not recognize it. And I just go, oh, you're scared of responsibility. I say this to people all the time who say, brennan, I have a big dream. I go, have you told your family, your friends, the people around you what your big dream is? Well, no, I said, well, you're dealing with this and you're dealing with this. You're scared that by putting it out there, you won't be able to handle the pressure, you won't be able to handle the demands. That's scared of. That's fear of responsibility. I'm fearful that I won't be able to be response able to deal with the stuff. And I'm just like, there's a tomorrow you can learn. Like, I have extreme personal power because I have hope. I have extreme personal power because I have optimism for tomorrow. I have extreme personal power because I look at the areas of my life on a weekly basis and I say, where have I been stuck? Where am I fearful? What can I do? This next week as the next right action of integrity, everything we've talked about, because here you flip all of these, watch what happens in your life, right? You flip rejection to doing the things that will bring greater connection in your life. Watch the quality of your life go up. You stop worrying about what will be ruined and you start remembering that there's always a tomorrow and you have hope and optimism and you just always ask, okay, there's not ruined. What's my next right action of integrity? And you keep moving forward even through the disasters of life. Watch the courage that enters your heart there. Watch the confidence that comes in when you keep moving through the. The storm. Guess what happens when regret is free? You let that go, you're. You're gone. You're not. It's not worried about the regret of if I do this, maybe things will turn out bad. And you said, okay, what would I need to do so I don't experience regret at the end of my life? What positive actions could I take to live a life of my own? So I don't have regret, so I'm proud of my life. Because pride on the other side of regret feels good. Then regret, responsibility, what would. Instead of saying, well, what if I can't handle it? Or what if I'm not responsible? You said, you know what I'm totally responsible for this. I am able to shape this, guide this, change this, make it better. Now you're really stepping in your personal power. And when you move through these things on just a very tactical weekly basis, you're aware of these fears, and you start flipping them. You start flipping them, you start flipping them, you start flipping them, you get in this rhythm, and all of a sudden you say, wow, I feel really courageous in my life. And that's when you start making your greatest contributions. That's when you really start living the life that you deserve.