How to Stop Making Excuses

Would it be worthwhile to have a few doubters or to look stupid or be seen as silly? If you woke up energized by what you were doing, would that be worth it? If you woke up and you knew you were doing what you were meant to do, would it be worth it? If everyone else thought you were slowing down, taking a step back, but you actually felt like you were moving towards that next chapter, you were moving towards that better thing, would that be worth it? Hey, my friends, it's Brendon Burchard and welcome to another episode of the Brendon show. What's up guys? I did a training recently for literally our best clients in the world, talking about how do you coach people through excuses? So if you've got a brother or a sister or a teammate or somebody in your life who's always making excuses or you're the person who's always making excuses about why you can't have your dream, why people don't support you, why you can't break through or achieve more or make more, this is gonna blow your mind. So bust out your journal. Take tons of notes. Please comment down below if you like this because listen, you'll see the qual isn't as fancy as this. I happen to be at my home on my computer when I was broadcasting out to my best clients and we just happened to capture it and so many people love this conversation about excuses. I know you like it, so forgive. I know it's not the best, but take notes. I think you're gonna dig it. And comment down below if you're liking these little excerpts that we're giving you of some other training that I'm doing elsewhere. If you dig it, I'll keep posting these just for my subscribers because you guys kick butt. I'm so stoked to talk with you today about some big topics that you've been asking me about in coaching. I know lots of you are certified high performance coaches and you're in this place where you're like, okay, Brenda, I've got people who sometimes offer a lot of friggin excuses and I don't know how to get over them because the same excuse comes up or I don't know when it's appropriate to challenge people. So how do you challenge people respectfully but still get the effect that you're after. Some of these big topics are what we're going to be taking on today. Trying to do it so I can have a little bit to show you all of how I actually do my coaching sessions. And the tools that I use today, one of them, super simple. It's a little excuse chart. Hope you caught that. Wrote that down in your notes. So I'll be sharing with you some things that really seem to work well when I am doing an actual coaching session to make sure that I get people really enrolled in the idea that they can do more. Really enrolled in the idea that they can make their dreams happen. Really enrolled in the idea that whatever topic we're taking on and whatever session of coaching that I'm focused on, that they really feel truly and deeply that they can move the needle, that they can make a difference. And I know that's why we're all here. Let's jump into a simple framework. I'm going to show you and then we're going to break it down for you. But I have this chart next to my computer and it just says excuses at the top. And then it's kind of like a three circle Venn diagram type thing. And most excuses people make are. I'm always being conscious about where they're making them. Right. So you've got personal excuses, you've got social excuses, and you've got operational excuses. Okay, let's talk about social. Here are the big three reasons that a lot of people don't do things because they're making excuses about things, because they're scared. So to do things. So they make excuses because, number one, I really believe most people are terrified of embarrassment. They might call it something else, but they're scared of embarrassment. I just put this video out where it starts for the first line is you're not scared to start your dream. You're embarrassed to be seen starting small. And it just blew up on social media for us. I think I got more direct messages on that one little post than anything I've ever done. And people really resonated with it. And because if you think about the truth about it is that's what it is for a lot of people. They don't. If they quit their job and they go to start something new, they don't want all their former, you know, people to see them doing something that looks, you know, new and fresh and maybe ugly or not put together. They're scared to be embarrassed and have other people judge them. They're scared they might use different language. Well, you know, they might say, well, I'm just fearful. But if you really dig down the fearful, most people are just scared to be embarrassed. They're scared to try something and obviously fail at it. And the perception of that Failure really shuts them down. So we have to ask different questions. And I ask this all the time. I literally use the word embarrassment. I said, listen, I'll say something like, are you not going to try this? Before we even get to this, you can see it. You made it happen. Are you not going to try it because you're scared of what somebody else might think? Are you not going to try it because you're scared of somebody? Of what somebody else might think? I ask that all the time. And almost all the time people go, well, you know, I'm not scared, but, you know, I'm worried what my spouse will think. Oh, I'm not scared. But, yeah, you know, people at work might think I'm a little crazy, and I'll explore that with them because if we can't get them over that line of embarrassment and the willingness for trial and error, we won't get them to do anything. And so my way through embarrassment, for me is two different ways, just depending on who the person is. When I hear that someone might be embarrassed to do something, I'll often start with that past attempt conversation. Well, have you tried something like this before and people were horrible to you and they're always like, well, no, I've never tried this before. I'll say, so you're making an assumption that you'd feel uncomfortable. But then I also want to give them permission of like, is this dream worth having a few people think you're crazy? Is this dream worth having a few people think you're crazy? And I'll open up that dialogue. Well, yeah, okay, well, who might think you're crazy? Well, my spouse is going to think I'm crazy. Cool. How are they going to communicate that to you? Well, they're going to call me stupid. Have they ever called you stupid before? Well, no. Or, yes, they have. I say, okay, so you survived it last time they called you stupid. Would it be worth surviving it again if they call you stupid? If you felt better because you actually got momentum towards something that matters to you, like, oh, yeah. And listen, knowing that a big frame here in helping people get over excuses is getting them tied back to. Is what they are after important? I brought that up earlier. How important is this to you? Do you really want this? Well, if you said that's important, isn't it worth a little discomfort? Haven't you been discomforted before? Haven't you felt judged and stupid before? Okay, so you know you'll survive that. Now the question. So the question is about survival, right? Let's Say, yeah, it's not about survival. Great question is about survival. Sounds to me like the real question is whether you want it. We know you'll survive. I'm curious, if we know you'll survive, what will it feel like if you're thriving, Would it be worthwhile to have a few doubters or to look stupid or be seen as silly? If you woke up energized by what you were doing, would that be worth it? And I'll just start painting that picture for them. Would it be worth it if you woke up and you knew you were doing what you were meant to do, Would it be worth it if you did? If everyone else thought you were slowing down, taking a step back, but you actually felt like you were moving towards that next chapter, you were moving towards that better thing, would that be worth it? And because, see, worth can be flipped on its head. We think worth is all about someone not feeling worthy. But I'll use worth it all the time. Is it worth it? Would it be worth it to have someone? And then I'll play it out too. If someone's really concerned about okay, so what are they going to say to you that's going to make you feel embarrassed? Because remember, communication, having someone use self talk or use the talk of other people coaching is really powerful. I don't want to bring this up to my husband because he's going to get mad. Oh, what's he going to say? I don't bring this up to my husband because he's going to get mad. Oh, what's he going to say? Well, he's going to say that, you know, I'm just stupid and I'm wasting our money. Oh, has he ever said that before? And either it's yes or it's no. If it's no, then say. Well, then don't put words in your husband's mouth if he's never said it before because isn't it true he said a lot of things that you could not have anticipated? Okay, yes, true, Brennan. Okay, if it is true, if you said it before, I say, did you survive? You're still here. So if you survived it, it's not a question of survival. Now let's talk about what do you want to thrive? How do you want to feel? And I'll work through it that way. But embarrassment, I hope. You see, there's a lot of different angles into embarrassment. I want to know if someone said, you know, I can't, I could. I'd be so embarrassed to quit my job because people, you Know would think I'm crazy to start the stream. I'm like, what are they going to say to you? What do you mean? Well, if you're going to be embarrassed, obviously they're going to say something to make you feel embarrassed. What do you think they're going to say to you? And then they start to realize the excuse is lame because they can't even think of what they're going to say. Or they'll say, well, they're going to say that I'm, you know, that I'm irresponsible. Are you irresponsible? No. Okay. And then would you like me to call you other names that you're not? Cause I feel like that wouldn't be such a big issue if you know it's not true, but people still say it. Does it really impact you? And I'll work it through with them like that, because what I want to do is ask the questions that get them to minimize the excuse themselves. And one of the best ways to do that is make them say the thing that they're so scared everyone's going to say, because soon as they verbalize it, they see it has no power. It's my favorite way to move people through embarrassment or fear of others is make them say it, you know? Well, you know, daddy, I don't want to go to school today because you know the bully's gonna pick on me. What's he gonna do? Well, he might push me. Has he ever pushed you before? No. Okay. Oh, yes. He's pushed me forward. Did you survive? Yep. Okay, so what's gonna happen when it happens again? And just step people through their fears, Ask them the questions. Because soon as they think through a fear or an excuse, they tend to see how small it is, or even it's not small. They recognize they can handle the impact. It's not gonna be a dinosaur situation. It's not gonna be a crater in the earth. That people, soon as they step through the embarrassment or the fear or the judgment, they realize, a, they've heard it before. I mean, what have you guys not heard at this point in your life, right? You're stupid, you're lazy, you're dumb. You're not good enough. I hate your hair. Your blouse sucks. Jeez, those pants don't fit you well. Hate your shoes. Your house is too small. Your garden sucks. I mean, what do you need? Like, once you realize it's all been said, there's just no fear about it anymore. There's. I don't think there's Anything they could say on the Internet about me that could ever slow me down because I'm like, either they've already said it to me or I've said it to myself. And once you realize it's all been said, you're safe. What else are they going to say to you? Right. Are you so scared that really something's going to come along tomorrow and they're going to say something so bad it's going to embarrass you so much more than you've already been embarrassed? Look, as adults, we're carrying along enough old embarrassments, enough old shame. Nothing new is going to come tomorrow. And once you get that, it takes away a lot of that power. It takes a lot of power. What are they going to say when I get on stage? I'm not a good dancer. Heard it. It's nothing new to me. It's like, once you heard it, you're like, I'm good. I can go out there and completely dork out on stage with zero holding back. Because what else are they going to say? I've already heard it before. I've done. I mean, I've had it all said before. Brendan, your fly is down. Okay, that happened. What else am I. It's just going to happen. I'm okay with it. It's not a problem. So don't worry about being embarrassed. And I got to get our client. You have to get your clients to that place. And the best place is step it through, have them see it, have them say it. And once they've said it and communicated it, the power is go. On the social sphere, another huge support, and people don't see this one as often as they should. I believe a lot of coaches miss this one all the time. And that is people fear not meeting their responsibilities. Well, I have that dream, but I can't do it because the kids. The fear there isn't. They've tried in the past. The fear there isn't bandwidth. The fear there isn't worth of permission. The fear there isn't embarrassment. The fear there isn't even the support. They don't care if the kids support them or not. The fear there is. I can't do that and meet my obligations of being a good mom. It's a fear of a failure to meet their responsibility. And it's a very powerful thing. And I think coaches miss this all the time. They really, I mean, talk about a huge miss of the limiting belief camp. I don't even think they were ever educated on this. And that is that People. That's a very positive excuse. It's a very good thing. It's not a limiting belief. It's a motivating and a powerful and a beautiful belief. I don't want to do that because I'd be irresponsible to my family. That'd be irresponsible to our finances. I would fail to meet the responsibility of my team. If I did that, I would risk my team's ability to pay their mortgages. If I did that, I'd risk the ability for us to have the lifestyle we have. That, you know, I promise these people these things. And if I do that, I'd have to break those promises. I don't want to fail to meet my responsibilities there. That's a great thing. There's no limiting belief in that. That's human virtue coming out. That people will grab that human virtue and make it a vice. I'm like, no, that's a wonderful thing. That's a wonderful thing. So the question is more often. Okay, let me ask two questions. One, are you meeting those responsibilities? Well, now tell me about that. You're worried about not being a good mom in the future. Are you being a good mom now? Well, I wouldn't be a good husband if I did this. Okay. Are you being a good husband now? And I'll explore whatever that responsibility is they feel they need to meet. That's a great entrance point, just talking about that. And inevitably, you'll find that people find more ways to do better through responsibility. You know, I'd be a better mom if I did this. I'd be a better dad if I did that. I'm like, okay, so you're always improving in this area, right? Yeah. Have you ever added more to your plate and still been a good dad, been a good mom? Have you ever added any more to your plate and still remained a good person? Yes. Okay. So is it possible that you could pursue this dream and still meet the most important priorities and responsibilities of your life? Is it possible? No, it's not. Okay. Do you have any distractions that you deal with right now? Yes. Do you ever prioritize really horribly? Yes. Do you ever make any decisions in the week where you go, like, oh, my God, why do I just blew off an hour? Yes. Well, isn't it true, then if you learn to prioritize better and get rid of more distractions, you could still meet your responsibilities? But if you just manage your schedule a little bit better, you could take this on, you could make this happen, but you're going to have to not get rid of responsibilities. Because I love that you have that responsibility. I admire you for that responsibility. That's virtue. Good for you for wanting to meet that. Now, isn't it true you're just going to have to get better at time management and it, like, frees it from this. Oh, my God, I'm an irresponsible mom to. Isn't it true we could just get you prioritizing a little better each week and like. Yeah. And then we can explore that together. You got to unhook that. People get stuck like Prior. They're like, I can't bust this. And what people try to do is they try to talk around it. Instead, I want you to acknowledge it. Whatever that responsibility is that they feel like they don't want to break, honor that, cheer that on, talk about it explicitly, and then point out the fact that they're probably screwing off in some other part of their life. And if they could minimize that, they could still meet the responsibility and still create the white space necessary to pursue the dream. And now the excuse that this responsibility is holding me back is diffused by the reality that they're not yet using their time prioritizing the way they could. And what's more threatening, what's more difficult to take on, you could grab a couple more hours throughout the week to do something that matters. People can take that on. What they can't take on is any concern of meeting that responsibility. So I don't try to mess with the responsibility I honor. I cheer it on. I make sure that happens. I write it down in my notes. I'm like, okay. And you should always know what are the responsibilities your clients are trying to meet. If you don't know those, you can get yourself really stuck in a long, long, long cycle of not having any breakthroughs with them. But if you know the responsibilities they're trying to meet, I hit those suckers like a hammer. Like a hammer. You know, in every area of your life that don't even seem related, if someone tells me she's trying to be a good mom and we're in the energy section of CHPC and she's giving me excuses why she doesn't try to work out, I say, hey, you know, you told me one time it's really important for you to meet the responsibility of being a great mom. Yeah. Well, doesn't being a great mom mean having enough energy to play with and enjoy your time with your kids? Yeah. Well, how are you going to have the energy if you don't Take care of your body better. And now we're in a conversation with health tied to the responsibility. And so when you know the responsibilities of your client, I link those suckers up to all our sessions and I hammer those suckers in and it's how I get such a depth of effect in my chpc. Coaching is I know it's really important to them and I'm always bringing that into each of the sessions. The sessions don't feel like separate away from what's important to them. It feels like the sessions are facilitating what is important to them. And I think that's the difference. When you're first going through chpc, it's easy to just ask the questions and be in the session and in the questions but not be in their life. And so I'm always attentive to what are the responsibilities are trying to meet and the sessions just facilitate that. I appreciate all of you here today and I can't wait to see you all soon. Foreign. If you're ready to take your life to a whole new level, make sure you grab my book, High Performance Habits. How Extraordinary People Become that Way. It's available on Amazon right now and when you order your copy, you're really supporting my channel and the message. And you're also getting a book that will reveal to you 20 years of my research and into what is it that helps people go to a new level of success in their life? What does it really take? What habits are proven to help you reach long term success in your career, your health, your personal life, your relationships? It's called High Performance Habits. How Extraordinary People Become that Way. It's available on Amazon right now.