How To Turn Around A Bad Day
1 Jul 2018 · 13 min
In this episode of the Brendon Show, Brendon Burchard shares three personal mindset techniques he uses to recover from a bad day and restore motivation. He begins with a story about a wealthy older man who, during a low moment, told him to "buy tickets" to local events, a simple action that forced Brendon out of his house and sparked new ideas. Burchard then outlines his three core tricks: (1) the "Friend Hat," where he writes a compassionate letter to himself from the perspective of his dearest friend, offering concrete next‑step advice; (2) the "New Chapter" exercise, in which he writes as if he were starting his life over, detailing how he would handle relationships, health, and goals, thereby shifting focus from rumination to future planning; and (3) the "Buy Tickets" strategy, a behavioral cue to purchase and attend cultural or social events for the next several weeks, using new environments and social interaction to reset mood and stimulate creativity. Throughout, he emphasizes the psychological basis for writing exercises and the power of changing physical context, encouraging listeners to adopt these practices whenever they feel stuck.
Chapters
I was having a really down day and I went in and I was sitting next to this guy. I think he was probably 59, 60 years old, very successful, wealthy guy, Happy, just, he was like a happy, go lucky grandpa type, you know, just a good dude. And I'm just kind of listing off to him all these things that suck, you know. He says, why? I know how to solve your problem. I said, oh, what is it? He goes, buy tickets. Buy tickets? What do you mean, buy tickets? Hey, my friends, it's brendon burchard and welcome to another episode of the brendon show. These are my personal mindset tricks. I've named them. They're weird for me. They might not make any sense on the card so I'll explain them, but they're huge, huge in helping me deal with the bad days. Turn my positive mindset back on, get my motivation, my drive back, and I hope that will support you all. Number one is my friend hat which is so important. This is where when I'm having a bad day, I always say, okay, if I was coaching the my absolute dearest best friend in the world who just went through the same day, what would I suggest that they do next? Not how would I change their life? Not some big high flu and stuff. Like what would I suggest that person they do like literally next in that situation they're in? Would it be, you know what, you really need to call your mom. You know what you need to call that person, Apologize. You know what you need to send that email. You know what you need to do is take this. But what would I tell my absolute best, most adored friend to do as their very next step? Not the whole plan. Just what's one thing I would tell my absolute best dearest friend? I asked myself this question probably two, three times a week, right? Cause I'll get frustrated by something. Something will piss me off. Or I'll be bummed that something crashed and burned. I'll be okay. If my best friend just went through that exact same thing, what would. What would I say they should do first? And of course, once I think of what they should do first, then the next step comes and the next step, and the next step meaning kind of coach and advise yourself from a third party standpoint. I know you probably know you should do that. But here's the way that I make it stick. I write the letter. This means I sit down with a blank piece of paper and I write the letter to myself from the best friend's perspective. Dear brendon, you're really ugly and stupid. But you're my best friend. So, buddy, here's what I recommend you do about the situation that you're in. Here's how I think you should think about it. Here's what I recommend that you should do. And I literally write the letter to myself from the perspective of my best friend. Does that make sense? That's what I call putting on my friend hat. And I write the letter, dear Brendan. And sometimes it's just, I write it, it's super short, it's on a little note card. I write like 10 sentences. Other times, man, I gotta dig deep. And that thing becomes like a four page letter to myself, you know? And we know from psychology, specifically dealing with therapy and trauma, that if you will write yourself a letter, it does significantly change your emotional well being. And writing it from this perspective, as a friend has, I have found, made my letters much more compassion, much more thoughtful, much more positive. So I just put my friend hat on, I write myself a little letter. That's number one. Number two, my mind trick. Number two is the new chapter. And this is another writing technique, because writing techniques tend to be the most profound in helping people deal with trauma or difficult days or challenges. And the new chapter is I literally write on a piece of paper. I write new chapter. And here's how I start. I say if I started all over again and then I write. And this helps me separate the current conditions I'm in towards the future. I don't always do these two together, but sometimes maybe like twice a year, I find myself doing both together. But the new chapter thing is like if I just had a terrible day and I know how to handle it, I know what to do. I don't really need the friendship hat on. I kind of got the plan, but I'm just like, it's a big setback or it's a new way to begin. I'm just like, new chapter. If I was beginning all over again, what I would do right now is it's kind of like the way I think about it is, you know, when you turn 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 and you got that zero on the year and you feel like it's a brand new beginning or like New Year's for you start from like if you were to start all over, and I'll just write that out and I'll just write four or five pages of like, okay, if I was starting all over, I would think this way. If I was starting over, my relationships would be like this. If I was starting all Over. I'd take care of my health this way. If I was starting all over, and I just write over and over, I write that phrase, if I was starting all over, if I was starting all over. And it's like the new chapter. If life was a new chapter. So if I'm starting all over and I'll tell you, I get so fired up doing that, I'm like, oh, I'd be healthier, I'd do this. And we have a form of that when we do our New Year's resolutions. But it's kind of weak when you say if I start, it helps you by writing. If I started all over, here's what this is doing. It's helping me think, plan and consider my future. And guess what I'm not doing Ruminating about the shitty day I just had. I'm not on the old situation anymore. It just takes my mind off the old situation. And it reminds me about the personal control I have because I'm like, oh, I could actually do these things. Does that make sense? Because here's what gets you in trouble. The dark days and the disappointments, you know when those get bad and turn into depression. When you ruminate on it over and over, when you run it in your head 1 million times over and over and each time it gets a little darker and a little darker and a little over 50 shades of grave and is worse and worse and worse and worse. And all of a sudden it's just this terrible disaster. You need to be careful of that. So that's how I trick my mind. I don't let my mind even do it. If I start over. These things last big ideas for you guys today. This is my favorite one. Mind trick number three, Buy tickets. This is something I say to myself because a old mentor of mine said this to me one time. I was a maybe 24, 25 year old man and I was a member of Kiwanis. And if you guys didn't know, Kiwanis is a. It's kind of like Rotary or Lions Club. It's a, it's a non profit organization that's dedicated towards service in the community. And I was in Kiwanis and I was the youngest one, hands down, like in the room. We'd get together every single month on a Tuesday and we'd have lunch and we'd have a speaker in and then we talk about a volunteer project we were going to do that month. And that was kind of how it went in Kiwanis for me. And so. But in my room I was 24, 25 in the room every Tuesday when we got together. Everyone else was older. I mean, they were like 50s and 60s and 70s older. When I was 20, I was the youngest person in the room every single time. And I remember I was having a particularly challenging time because I was thinking about quitting my job, but I was scared because I hadn't saved any money. I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do. I just knew that. I knew that the job wasn't the thing at the time, but I didn't know what it was. And so I was scared to make the leap. And I was just. I was kind of struggling with some existential stuff because, you know, it had been four or five years I hadn't had a girlfriend. And it was just frustrating. I was, like, dating, but I wasn't able. I just wasn't making real connections when I was dating. And I was just unhappy in that part of my life. I didn't know what I was doing with my career. I didn't have a significant relationship. I was like, oh, man, I'm just kind of. I didn't feel good. And so I was having a really down day on that particular Tuesday. And I went in and I was sitting next to this guy, and he was one of the. Just one of the awesome Kiwanians that. Who was there. And he was. I think he was probably 59, 60 years old. He was in banking. Very successful, wealthy guy. Happy. Just. He was like a happy, go lucky grandpa type, you know, Just a good dude. And I'm just kind of listing off to him all these things that suck, you know. And he says, what are you doing about it? And I said, well, you know, I. You know. And he says, well, I bet. And he said, I bet I know what's going on. He says, you're going home. You're probably watching too much tv, drinking too much beer and sitting alone too often, or you're going out and not having any fun and da, da, da. And we're just talking. My mode was, yeah, I kind of. I go inside. So I kind of pull away from people when I'm unhappy. And so I was like, yeah, I kind of pull away and I'm in my house. And he says, why? I know how to solve your problem. I said, oh, what is it? He goes, buy tickets. Buy tickets? What do you mean, buy tickets? He goes, I want you to open up the paper. Remember the papers? So he says, I want you to open up the paper. And he goes, I want you to see what's going on in your town, and I want you to buy tickets to whatever's coming up the next seven weekends. Is there a symphony coming to town? Buy tickets. Is there a ballet? Buy tickets. Is there an art museum? Buy tickets. He said, is there a concert? Buy tickets. And I said, what do you mean, buy tickets? I want you to buy 1, 2, 3, 4 tickets. And I want you to take your friends, and I just want you to go. I want you to buy tickets, and I want you to go. And I'm like, what the hell does this have to do with anything I'm even talking about? He goes, just buy the tickets and come back next month. Tell me about the tickets. And I'm like, no. And he literally pulls out his wallet, and I'll never forget. He sets down three $100 bills, and he goes, buy the tickets. Here's the money. And I'm like, what are you even. And I was literally so frustrated. So I bought tickets. I got, like, a symphony ticket. I got a. There was, like, a dance troupe in town or something weird. There's a Dave Matthews concert. And what else? There's one other thing. I can't remember what it was. Shoot. There's something about the tickets. I went with one or two or three friends and went to them. And the second I remember even I remember the opening act for the Dave Matthews Band started, and I was like, got it. Got it. Because sometimes when you're down and out, you got to get out and about. And so I was down and out, and he got me out and about. And then with your friends and you're socializing and it's in a new environment and things are happening, and my mind just started turning on again. I started getting all these ideas and these dreams that I don't know where they were. They weren't in my room. They weren't in my bed. These ideas and dreams, they weren't happening in my journal. The ideas and dreams, they weren't happening in my daily planner. It was like I was stuck there. So he moved me over here. Have you ever been, like, at a ballet or a symphony, an orchestra, and you're just sitting there, and all of a sudden you feel amazing? Like, the music hits you, this idea comes in, and you walk out and you feel amazing. Have you ever gone to a Broadway show? You went in and you were frustrated and freaked out because all the horrible New York traffic, and all of a sudden you laugh your ass off, and you leave the Broadway show and you feel like a million dollars, and now no problem is going to slow you down. That's buy tickets. Buy tickets to seminar, Buy tickets to the event, Buy tickets to the art museum, the ballet. Buy tickets. And I mean, if you're down and out and your life sucks right now, go buy tickets for the next four weeks and I promise you be like, damn, buy tickets. That changed my life. Changed my life too. And I've learned ever since then, like, if I'm down and out, it's like, buy tickets. If you're ready to take your life to a whole new level, make sure you grab my book, High Performance. How Extraordinary People Become that Way. It's available on Amazon right now. And when you order your copy, you're really supporting my channel and the message. And you're also getting a book that will reveal to you 20 years of my research into what is it that helps people go to a new level of success in their life? What does it really take? What habits are proven to help you reach long term success in your career, your health, your personal life, your relationships? It's called High Performance Habits. How Extraordinary People Become that Way. It's available on Amazon right now.