Improve Your Confidence Today

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Hey, my friends, it's Brandon Burchard and welcome to a special episode of the Brendon Show. Hey, I'm Brendon Burchard and I'm honored to be your high performance coach today. With this episode, I've spent the last 20 years studying human behavior change and writing, coaching and training literally at the top levels on the topics of motivation, focus, productivity, confidence and more. My goal, inspired by my own personal journey, is to help you and my audience live love and matter. Which means to feel more vibrant, more connected and and more fulfilled in every area of your life. That's what we're doing today. If you liked today's episode, grab a screenshot and share it on Instagram. Just tag me Enonbruchard so I can see you and give you a shout out or a hello. And if you want to go to another level of personal development in your life this month, be sure to join me live every month in my coaching program. Just visit HPXCoaching to get signed up. I teach a brand new personal development session every single month. Meaning it's like a personal development seminar for you. Live every single month on the first of the month and then after I teach that for about 75 minutes, then we do live breakouts where you get to meet new people, network with people, set your monthly goals and establish real accountability for your growth. Listen, you know that expert guidance and real consistency and an inspiring community is critical to your growth. So join me this month on the 1st just go to hpxcoaching.com that's hpxcoaching.com it's time to level up, my friend. It's time to take your year back. It's time to find that focus and that confidence and that vibrancy and that vibe. Again, go to hpxcoaching.com and and let me be your coach into fuller levels of high performance in every area of your life. Now, without further ado, let's jump in to today's episode.

If you have been struggling to be confident about your future, about yourself, about other people, then you're in the right place today because we're going to have a good conversation about it today. And hopefully along the way I keep my confidence and she doesn't make fun of me too much. Number one big idea today is with confidence you have to aim for two things. Self acceptance and yes, social connection and acceptance, social belonging. Now, I'm going to tell you right off the bat, people don't like that. So tune in because we're in this crazy culture right now of a bunch of Instagram influencers saying, don't care what anybody else thinks. And that's A, not practical, B, not real, and C, it goes against the science that confidence is tied to our sense of belonging. You know, if you go in and you don't learn to make friends in life, you're going to be less confident. So learn to make friends, period. It's good because they're really saying, don't let other people's judgments or harsh criticism make you feel bad. That's what they're really trying to say, but they're not articulate about it and they're not aware with the science. So what they do is they give misinformation and they're telling you, well, don't ever care what anyone else thinks. If you never cared what anybody else thought, you wouldn't feel love, you wouldn't feel connection. You wouldn't have a deep, meaningful relationship based on empathy. It's important to care what other people think. However, they shouldn't knock away your own acceptance of yourself, your own sense and valuation of your own worth, meaning you're aiming for both. I want to be self accepting and confident in myself and I want a great social connection so I can be confident in our relationship.

Yeah, you talk a lot about also, you know, you want people to, you want to have connection. And the idea that you shouldn't compare, like the idea of comparing is often turns into kind of a negative loop for your own self confidence when you compare. But you do need to come in and be able to work with other people. I mean, business and relationships and everything is driven by your relationships and your connection and the ability for you to get along with other people. So that's, I think, a really big part of that connection piece.

When I say aim for self and social, that's exactly what I'm talking about. I want you to decide today that you're going to give yourself the acceptance that says, you know what? I love myself, I'm aware of myself. I recognize I am worthy of having a great and beautiful and happy and joyous life. Like, own that, always own that. Regardless of circumstances, regardless of other people's approval, own the fact that you're good, like that's part of confidence. Like I'm good, I'm good with myself, I'm going to be good with myself. Whether they like me or they don't like me, I'm good with myself. That's the self acceptance part of self confidence. But also make it a lifelong Goal to become a master of social relationships. Like, you know, simple things. Read how to win friends and influence people. Read books on persuasion. Read books on friendship. Read books on. Read books on how to connect with other human beings. Because when you learn to connect with other people, your confidence is higher. Like, you can throw me into any room, any dinner, any size, anywhere in the world. And I'm an incredibly confident guy. Not because I think everyone there will love me, but because I know I can emerge from that experience with a friend. I know by asking questions, Being curious about other people. Curiosity is the foundation of connection with others. I don't think I'm like, so I'm awesome. So that other people like arrogance is different than confidence. I think I'm confident because I'm so curious about other people. And they recognize that, that they want to talk with me. They're like, gosh, this guy asks good questions. He's interested in me. And because I'm interested in other people, they tend to want to connect. And once they connect, I feel even more confident. So you must make an absolute lifelong goal to recognize a, you are enough, you are worthy, you are deserving, you are incredible. Like, accept the fact that you're good and be good no matter what, and then seek social mastery. Because the more social mastery you have, the more confidence you will grow. And people who disconnect those often aren't talking more well rounded enough about confidence to be helpful. I think, what have you done to become more socially confident? Because I remember when we were starting, like when you started your exercise studios, you were like learning to like, hang and be with 20, 30 women in an exercise studio. And then I remember, walked in a couple months later and she's like talking to everybody and flowing and the life of the party. What happened there to increase your confidence?

Well, I think you just keep putting yourself in those situations, even if they might be somewhat uncomfortable. But also I think when you go back to, like, in that situation, when, I mean, this would be a slightly different example. But when you go back to the idea that you have something more to offer that's bigger than yourself or that you can offer something to a group of people, then the part about you kind of fades away.

I like that.

And then it just becomes about the bigger, the bigger picture. But I think it's also just putting yourself in those situations over and over again and it becomes more comfortable. And I think you can have an upward spiral or a downward spiral where the more you put yourself in those situations, the more comfortable you get and the Easier it becomes to do over and over again. And the more confident you are in handling those situations or working with tons of different types of people. But the less you do it, the more isolated, the harder it's going to get to kind of like ramp up the hill again and try to do it over and over successfully. So I think I kind of equate it to the same as like if you work out every day, you want to work out every day, but if you go like three or four days, then at least for me, the desire to work out, even though I really like working out, is, starts to dwindle a little bit. So you got to keep that momentum going, either upward spiral or downward spiral.

I love that because I think it's so critical. There's this concept in psychology and high form studies. We talk about approach avoidance and a lot of people, they avoid approaching other people so much that they become isolated and lonely and it's really like a self inflicted problem. It's like they're so self conscious that they've never said, you know what, I'm good. So they can never actually be present with other people. Like, you know what, you know when it's really hard to be present with other people when you're totally focused on yourself.

Yeah.

Once you turn into the role model mindset or into the servant mindset and you say, you know what, I want to influence other people positively, but also you can. I just want to help other people feel good. Let me be somebody who helps other people feel good, connected, happy. Let me be a servant heart. Then you can drop into the pocket of presence. When you drop into the pocket of presence now, you start to win in every relationship and every creative endeavor. And you start to win in life because you find greater happiness and mindfulness. When instead of being like, oh, I suck, I suck, I suck, I suck. You can be like, oh, there you are. One type of person walks into a.

Room, here I am.

And they go, here I am, look at me, I'm so awesome. And another person goes, oh, there you are. And be the person who says, oh, there you are. Connect with other people. And the more you learn to connect with other people authentically and with real presence, the more you start to go, you know what? I am good, I'm cool, I'm good with myself. And things really change. Number two is the willingness to try to go over and over and over. It's like what niece was talking about. It's consistency of putting yourself in motion. Even when you don't know how it's gonna go. Right. The real part about confidence, the way confidence shows itself, is how you're willing to go into the unknown.

Yeah. And sometimes if something doesn't work, rather than saying, well, guess that didn't work. If you can go into it and say, well, I learned this, how about another approach? And then keep kind of picking up approaches, and you'll end up with experience in a lot of different ways. That helps you go in more confidently the next time to figure things out.

Yes. I think it's really. I wish I could say how important it is that understanding confidence is your willingness and ability to figure things out. Confidence is not knowing everything. There is a piece of that. We're going to talk about skill development later. But confidence is like, I believe in my ability to figure things out. Like Denise doing these live casts for the first time. I was so proud of her because she was, like, not wanting to do it.

You know, I should have said that she was willing, but she didn't know how.

And she just showed up and just did it and just tried and got better and better and better. And I was, like, in awe. And now I love watching her on video. In the very rare moment she will get on video, y', all, what's something that you tried that you were like, you didn't really feel like confident about, but you did anyway. And what was your self talk that said, I can do this?

Everything. Everything. I think you just go in and you do your best, and then sometimes you surprise yourself. And if you don't, then you just take the learning mentality and you say, what did I learn from this that I can do do it better the next time.

I want you to recognize in your mind, say, listen, confidence isn't, was I perfect all my life? Confidence is. I believe in my ability to figure things out. I have a willingness to jump in and try things. I have a high confidence in life because I'm willing to try anything.

Yeah.

Yeah. She knows sometimes it's not always a good thing.

Sometimes helmets are needed.

Sometimes helmets are needed, and I forget to wear them because I'm an adventurous person. Because I'm like, I figured everything else out. I guess I can figure out how to scale down this mountain. I guess I can figure out how to jump out this plane. I guess I can figure out, like, when you start giving yourself credit for all the things you have learned, your self confidence goes up. The problem is you've been going from one success to another success to another task, and you didn't give yourself any credit. So you never built up the bank account of self confidence. You never made the deposits of recognition into your own self confidence. And instead, every time you do something wrong, you withdrew confidence from that bank account. And so many people, they're bankrupt because even though they're doing good things in their life, they're not taking a moment to be grateful for them. Which adds to the gratitude to the credit of the self confidence bank account.

When they have a good day, they.

Never celebrate the small wins. The small wins are your credit to your self confidence bank account. But what you do is you nitpick yourself, which is a withdrawal from the self confidence bank account. So if you want to feel better in your life, start giving yourself credit every time you do something good. Recognize it, celebrate it, honor it, journal about it, like be okay with it. I mean, I think the worst thing you could do is keep being so negative with your self talk every time you do something wrong. Like, I'm stupid, I'm dumb, I'm mad. Like Denise even catches me. And I'm the personal development guy. She's like, do you hear how you're talking right now to yourself? And I'll be like, yeah, I suck.

Sounds like a motivational speaker.

You sound like a guy who has.

Worldwide acclaim, six best selling books, teaching personal development, high performance guy. So I'm just the same. I beat on myself too. I'm too hard on myself too. You understand? Like we all do it.

I think we grew up too with sometimes having somebody as a way of maybe being, oh gosh, not gloating, but maybe has negative self talk and then we pick it up.

Yeah.

And the other day you were talking about ambition and waking up and kind of saying like, I deserve this. So maybe in the morning there's something that says like, I can figure this out. If you can make something driven in something that you tell yourself every day that is going to project confidence and lead you into that role. And I mean, it's kind of like, you know, fake it till you make it. Yeah. But if you can drill that into yourself, you'll start to believe it or just kind of internalize it. And then your actions will come from a different place.

Yeah. And don't wait until your actions lead to the ultimate perfect result to give yourself credit and self worth. Because many of you, you've never said, you know what, Dang, I should feel better about myself because I'm trying, I am trying. That willingness to try, even though there's struggle and difficulty and uncertainty, give yourself credit for that too. Don't give yourself credit just when you finally make the money or when you finally get the girl or you finally achieve the goal or he finally likes you. Give yourself credit for trying, for connecting, for wanting to go out, for doing the business, for making up the website, for doing the post. It doesn't matter if 100 people like it. Give yourself credit for putting your art out there. That's what's important.

Be in motion because with momentum comes more confidence, too hey, it's Brendan and I want to jump in the middle of this episode here real quick and tell you about something I'm really excited about and something that answers a question that many of you have for me all the time, which is, Brendan, where do you get this crazy focus and energy in your life? And the truth is I've developed a supplement line that really helps me do that. And frankly, I needed to. I don't know about you, but sometimes when you're trying to achieve big things, a lot of stress comes along. And as you're trying to achieve bigger things, you need to be on your A game more often. You need to be mentally sharp, you need to be mentally prepared, you need to be mentally energized and productive. And not once in a while, but like every day, you have to be on. And sometimes guzzling more coffee isn't going to do it. You have to use what we call nootropics, which are, you know, basically supplements that help optimize your brain. And yes, we have a product for exactly that. It's called HPEX Optimize and it is our most popular product. And you can get it. It's back in stock@HPX wellness.com that's HPX wellness.com you'll find HPX Optimize for your mental focus and energy there. You'll also find my favorite powdered energy drink that we created, this 100% organic and vegan. And you'll find my essentials, which is my daily multi that I take that covers my energy, that covers my longevity, that covers my immunity, that covers my brain and body health that I absolutely love. And you will feel the difference. Go to HPX Wellness.com right now. HPX Wellness.com.

Last big point is number three is that realize confidence comes often with direction and competence. So in my work as a researcher in high performance, this is a really valuable distinction for people and that is direction and confidence. Like you can be an amazingly capable person. I work with a lot of people who achieved remarkable things but now they're in transition and you see Them, when they go into transition, they lose confidence.

Why?

Because they don't know their direction anymore.

When you lose a sense of purpose.

Or sense of mission, or even just a simple thing like, what's today about? What's my to do list today? What's going on today? When you lose that after enough days, you're confident goes down. Even if you're an unbelievable capable person, A capable person without direction can lose confidence. A capable person without direction can lose confidence. So being vitally aware of that is important. And so you've got to have direction. But competence is the idea, too, of learning to develop the knowledge, skills, and ability necessary to succeed at your craft or in seeking your dream. And those two things are like weaponry. That's like mastery. Get your direction, develop the knowledge, skills, and abilities to move towards it swiftly, and confidence comes in. This is what psychologists often call self efficacy or the self efficacy side of self confidence. One side of self confidence is I have worth. I have value in self. Self efficacy is like skill. I can do that. So I have confidence in that.

Mm.

So these two things are really, really critical. I admire Denise for this because in, like, even as she's been in a major transition, she still, believe me, starts her mornings with lists. She. I mean, like, what do you say? It downloads or something?

I call it my morning universal download.

Your morning universal download. Your mud. Mud. Her mud. Her morning universal download of ideas. I mean, her. Anyone like that? Who's a list maker in the morning, like, automatically, I have to force myself to, like, use my high performance planner, right? It's like, sit down. Use planner. Do it. She just, like, wakes up.

And I.

Wake up sometimes, and because she always wakes up before me, and she'll come jumping into bed and she's like, brandon.

And she'll.

And she'll have.

I don't do that. I learned that that's not a good way.

Oh, it freaks me out.

I'm like, what? What, is the house on fire? Why are you so excited? Everybody's got to have a purpose. And she's great at list making. Here's the difference, though. She's also great at list making and actually getting all of the lists done.

No, not all.

Oh, my God. What? How much? How often? 90% of the time. You get all the lists done?

No.

What would you guess?

I'm ambitious and so I make.

Oh, that's true. That's true.

Not as doable all the time. Yes, but I know. I prioritize them too.

You're incredible at getting things done. She's a SWAT team. For those of you who know me as the high performance guy, please recognize I'm also a high performance guy because I'm trying to keep up with this woman. Being in a house with this woman makes me always feel like I need to geez, I need to get my act together.

Who used to say that I would monkey arm you?

She monkey arms me.

She does.

She grabs my arm and yanks me around like a six year old child and says let's go kid. I'm like geez, I thought I was high performing. So surround yourself with also great people. Remember number one, we talked about the aim for self and social. If part of that social is you can connect with extraordinary people, guess what? When you connect with extraordinary people, the game is changed. You get more motivation and drive. Like I'm a confident person because I hang out with confident people who are always talking about the things they are willing to try, the things that they have done, the things that they're testing. And because I hear their stories all the time of I'm trying this new thing, brendon. It gives me a willingness to try new things. As you try new things, you get more competency at them. As you get more competency, you get more confidence and your life changes with that. What's your last idea for these guys on confidence today?

I can just get up and keep going. Anytime there's you kind of lose footing in your confidence then just keep like get up, keep going and it builds back up again. And to keep putting yourself in situations that build the confidence which are also situations that cannot build confidence. But if you take a learning mindset, then you'll continue your momentum.

Yes, momentum, my friends. So whatever you had to do today.

Go do it because it's going to.

Help you gain confidence. Try to connect with other people. That will give you confidence. Think about your long term direction, purpose and mission. Develop the skills needed to get there. That will give you competency again which will help as nisa always likes it. You want to do your thing?

Sure. Every day you have a choice. You can choose to be average or you can choose to be extraordinary.

So go be extraordinary, my friends.

All right. Hey, my friend. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. If you're ready to go to another level, don't Forget, go to hpxcoaching.com Let me be your coach. Let me spend the first of each month with you giving you a personal development seminar. Let me help you get unstuck, break through your emotional blocks, find your real clarity, your real passion, your real purpose and implement the habits that you know you need to implement. Change your life by getting a coach, getting some expert guidance. Listen, you got as far as you could get.

You're here.

You've achieved so much in your life. But to go to another level requires another level of mindset, another level of discipline, another level of direction and community and consistency. And that is what my coaching program is all about. So go to hpxcoaching.com and listen, if you're ready to go to a whole other level, I'm hiring. Please go to brendon.com hiring for our open roles. I got a big secret project that we are rolling out and you'll only find information that@brendon.com hiring we've got, I don't know, 10 or 12 open positions there. If you ever wanted to work with me, if you wanted me to be your leader, you wanted me to literally employ you and help you grow in your career and do what we do, serving this mission of helping people around the world achieve their dreams faster, helping them improve their lives. We live every day as a team to do that. And we are currently hiring. We're building out a new product and we need some people to help us do that. Brendon.com hiring if you don't know how to spell my name, don't even think about it. We're looking for people who are pros. If you're interested in internship with me, don't go there. We're not hiring interns. If you're interested in starting your career with me, don't go there. We are an A team here. We've got people who are really experienced. So if you're new to personal development or you're new to marketing, you're probably not going to be the person we're looking for. We're looking for people with at least three years of professional experience in a lot of different roles because we take this role very seriously. We get to change lives and millions of them every single day. That's the work. So we're looking for real pros, top of your game, ready to come on to an organization that reaches just as many people in the world as any other personal development influencer or trainer on the planet. And we'd be excited to have you join us in a big new initiative we're rolling out for the beginning of the year. I can't even tell you any more about that. Go to brendon.com hiring if you'd like to work with us and if you just want to go to another level and have me as your coach, not your Boss, go to hpxcoaching.com so I can give you a brand new personal development session this month to help you set your goals, get on track, get unstuck, and achieve your ultimate difference. Go to hpxcoaching.com for that. Thanks again for listening to the Brendon Show. You all mean so much to me. I have so much coming out in the next couple months for you here that's going to be unique and special and I know you're going to love it. So keep your head up. I know it's been a hard year. Please remember, as always, you are stronger than you think and the future holds good things for you.