Letting Go (of good and bad things)
1 Jun 2016 · 12 min
In this episode of The Charged Life, Brendon Burchard explores the dual challenge of releasing both negative and positive experiences that no longer serve us. He begins by describing why many people cling to past hurts—blame, guilt, and an unfinished mental contract with the past— and contrasts that with the difficulty of letting go of something that was good but feels limiting. Burchard offers a step‑by‑step framework: (1) extract the lesson from the past event rather than assigning blame; (2) define new personal rules for how you will treat yourself (self‑care, boundaries, self‑respect); (3) translate those insights into how you will treat others, turning past mistreatment into empathy and kindness; (4) shift focus to future commitment by asking “Now what?” and identifying concrete goals across major life domains (relationships, health, family, career, lifestyle, emotional well‑being). He emphasizes building momentum through small wins, broadening one’s vision beyond a single life area, and honoring the good that is being released with gratitude. The episode concludes with a reminder that letting go—whether of pain or of a cherished but limiting situation—creates space for a “charged life” filled with hope, purpose, and forward motion. The host also notes the ad‑free nature of the show and asks listeners to share it.
Chapters
Welcome to the Charged Life. This is Brendan Burchall. Have you ever struggled to let go of a difficult time in the past or hardship? Or you know what, it's the afternoon, your morning sucked, and you don't feel like you can just let it go and keep moving on. Or maybe you came out of a big breakup, a difficult challenge from the past, a disappointment, you've been discouraged. How do you let go of all that negativity or those difficulties and move on? And also, how do you let go of good things? Because have you ever found that, you know, you left something that was. It was good, but you knew there was something great out there for you? You know, there was nothing necessarily wrong with this thing. You wanted to let go, but there was something that you just felt like it would make you happier, more fulfilled, more charged. How do you deal with those situations? Because letting go isn't always just about letting go. What's wrong. Sometimes it's letting go what's right. So you can find also what's more right. Have you ever experienced that? So let's talk about these two things. I think in the first matter of letting go, what is wrong, what's not right, letting go of negative experiences, discouragements, disappointments, pain from the past. One reason a lot of people don't let go, because they have more concern for the past. Who is right, who is wrong, who's to blame, why that didn't work out. Then they have commitment for the future, concern versus the past versus commitment to the future. They haven't made that switch yet. So how can you make that switch if something's still bogging you down of something that happened to you weeks, months, or years ago? A. If it's very serious, you always hear me say, I'm the charged life. Hey, you know what? Don't feel sad about asking for help. Seeing a counselor, seeing a therapist, seeing a professional who can help you work through major issues. But let's say it's not a psychological disorder you're having here. Let's just say you're having a tough time letting go of a breakup or something. That was difficult. I think you've got to look towards the future again. And the way to make that switch is first and foremost to deal with this stuff. And the way that you deal with it is to say, first and foremost, what did you learn? Not who's to blame. What did you learn what from that past situation or that thing. You need to let go. Draw something positive from a lesson. And here's the most powerful lessons that we typically draw from the past. When you start letting go, we first and foremost decide and learn, how do I want to treat myself? Because sometimes in the past, those moments you were being hurt or you were hurt, you feel like you kind of. You didn't treat yourself very well. You didn't take care of your emotional well being. You didn't say no. You didn't set boundaries. You didn't defend yourself. You didn't literally just stand up for yourself and say, I don't like this. This is not okay. No. And so sometimes we beat ourselves up and we get mad at ourselves about that. But like I said, it's not about blaming those things. It's about now saying, what's the new commitment? How do I want to treat myself now? What are the new rules for caring for myself so that I do better in the future, so I feel better in the future? Also, we have to draw from those things that we have to let go. And we have to say, how am I going to treat others? Because see, a lot of times, the things that we want to let go in the past we didn't like and someone treated us bad. So we have to set a rule from that. Oh, how will I treat people? See, I grew up in a place where a lot of people were not always awesome outside of my family. You know, I grew up in a place where there was lots of physical fights, where there was lots of people, you know, always threatening us and pushing us around and being really tough on us. And I just had to say, you know what? I'm going to set a rule. I'm never going to speak rudely or with condescension or threat towards another person because I had to grow up around that. And I didn't want that for myself. But instead of being angry at them for that, I use that as empowerment. Because not everything in the world is happening to us to put us down. Things happen for us to develop our character to make us better. You know, I always say to people, I say, thank God for the jerks and the jerks and the jerks that you had to deal with. Because you know what? That probably made you more kind, more compassionate, more sympathetic, a better listener, somebody who honored others better. Because sometimes it takes us being mistreated for us to realize how to treat others. You know, I was lucky. My. My dad always said that one of the best things that we could do is be respectful. Other people, you know, respect others, know that their ideas, their thoughts, their feelings, they're their own. They have them for a Reason. And it's okay that it's not the same as yours. Honor their perspective as much as you hope that they'll honor and listen to your perspective. Don't we need a little bit more of that in the world these days? So some simple things look to those things. You got to let go of those situations, those difficulties, those times, and say, first and foremost, what did I learn? How am I going to treat myself now? How am I going to treat other people? And then the big switch happens when you start asking these questions. What do I want for myself and my world in the future? Like what's next? Okay, I've been through all that, got my learnings. Great. Now what? That's such a powerful question for people. Not now what, but now what? What do I want now? What's important to me now? And think about all the major areas of your life when you got to let go of one area of your life. What I always say is think about all the areas of your life now. Because sometimes we can get stuck in one area. A relationship ends and you feel bad and you just constantly feel down and down and down. Sometimes that relationship area of your life is going to take a little time to build up and repair. Meet somebody new, find the right guy or gal. So here's what you need to do is broaden your vision again. Sometimes a lot of our sadness happens because we get myopic about one area of our life and we're looking very small and minimal to one part of our life and we forget there's all these other beautiful areas that we could make flourish. So think about if a relationship ended then. Okay, I understand. What can you do for your health? What can you do for your family, for your friends? What can you contribute to or aspire to in your mission or your career? What about your lifestyle? How can you live a better quality lifestyle? What about your own emotional well being? These types of things that we can all take care of and work towards and grow in. Because sometimes to start shifting out of those things, we have to let go of. We have to get committed to something that we do want and just take a few steps. I would say the best way to let go of something is get more momentum in a new direction. Because as soon as you get a little more momentum, like you know, just a little bit, a couple small wins or small steps, it lets us let go of that baggage, you know, because as you're catching speed going forward, you don't want to be hanging on that stuff that's slowing you down. You tend to let go of the heavy weight. And as you start flying into the future, so what do you need let go of today? What's time that you know, you held onto it long enough, you've been upset about it long enough that maybe today is that fresh start you've been looking for. And it's not a fresh start that just lands on you. Luckily, it's not like you walk outside and you're like, oh, I feel better. You decided to feel better. But I decided that instead of being so angry or upset saying, what did I learn? How will I treat myself? How will I treat other people? What do I want? And what's just a few steps I can start taking in these different areas of my life to feel like I have overall momentum. That's how you let go of what's wrong now. What about letting go of what's right? Have you ever had to let go of something you liked? Maybe you lost a job, you know, you got laid off, you had to let go of the job. Maybe you had to let go of a group or a membership or a networking opportunity because you couldn't afford anymore. Maybe you had to let go of somebody that you really cared about but you knew wasn't quite right. Nothing necessarily wrong, but maybe you knew something was bigger for you. Maybe you let go of a good job so you could seek your passion or start your own business. How do you let go of those things that you know you have nostalgia for and you're proud of you, like they were joyful. Guess what? Same steps. That's the beauty of the emotional power of letting go. Go. I would only add this in. When you're trying to let go of something that's right, give it honor and respect, you know, do the same when you're letting go of something negative. But usually you didn't choose that. When you're letting go of something right, man, take a good amount of time to be grateful for that, to allow some pride and joy, some depth of heart to come in. Because you know what? That was good. Be grateful for what was good. If we never express our gratitude for what was good, the universe says, hey, you know what? This guy, this gal, she didn't even notice when I gave her good stuff. Why keep giving her good stuff and we no longer attract that more positive range of things because we're not appreciative of it. And I bet you've experienced it too, we all have, where we push away good people in our lives because, you know, not necessarily meanness, but sometimes just neglect the lack of the ability to say thank you, appreciate you. Well, moments and parts of our history are like that we feel good about, you know, that we enjoyed. Give them honor, take a few moments to be thankful for them, say a nice prayer, or just integrate the fact that things are going good and those were good. And now you're ready for the next step. Because now you know, what do you want now? What's going to get you some momentum? If you put some of these ideas into place, I think you'll be able to find that you can let go of some of those major things from the past and you can start looking to the future again. There's always, always, always, always hope. There is always, always, always a new day. But you got to grab onto those things and decide what you want now and start moving towards the future. If you'll do that, you get to experience what we call the charged life. Foreign. Hey, it's Brendan again. Did you notice something in today's episode? Yep. No ads, no sponsors, just a positive message to improve your day. How do I do it? How is it that you listen to all those other podcasts and they have minutes and minutes worth of lame ads for underwear or other websites they're promoting? Hey, I don't judge them, but I choose to focus on you in this podcast. And personally, when I listen to other shows, I just skip those long winded sponsor pitches. Anyway, I can only do this because you share my podcast with so many other people and enough folks end up looking me up online and buying my books or taking my online courses that I can self fund this entire effort. And you know how hard it is to do all this and that's why I appreciate you guys so much. I heard that you even helped me break a record too. The longest running top 10 self help show without a single sponsor or product, pitch or ad. So if you like this podcast ad free and sponsor free, do me a favor. Tell a friend today, you know you should listen to the Charged Life, Brendon Burchard's podcast. Just help spread the word, share why you like my show or tell people to go to podcast.brendon.com it would sure help and I'd appreciate it and I'm sure our community would too. I look forward to talking with you again soon, my friend. Until then, go out there every single day of your life. Live fully, love openly and make your difference today.