Mashup: How to Develop a Mindset of Wealth, Joy, and Success

Be yourself. To me, freedom and being myself, that's wealth. That's a problem. You could give me all the money in the world, but if I have to be somebody else, something that's inauthentic to myself, that is failure to me. So to me, wealth has a lot to do with living richly. What does living richly mean? It means being myself fully. Hello, my friends. I'm Brendon Burchard, host of the Brendon show and founder of growthday.com and I'm honored to be your high performance coach today. I believe that every day we can be inspired. We can live with intention and purpose. We can bring the joy and honor, the struggles of each day to push ourselves to grow, to serve, to be a role model, to lead extraordinary lives. I believe that every day is a great day to grow. Your breakthrough awaits you@growthday.com now let's get to today's episode. My friends. Share this with three friends just like you who are committed to their personal growth. And also be sure to tag me or DM me on Instagram Rendon Burchard so I can say hi. Thanks again for listening. Now, let's begin. Hey everybody, it's Brendan Burchard, founder of Growth Day, and I'm so pumped to do this session with you on the wealth mindset. What are some ways of thinking about the abundance in your life, your finances, your future success? What are some habits we know increase your wealth over a period of time and how might you maybe change up how you're approaching this area of your life? But first, the requisite caveats and disclaimers. This is not a financial advice session. I am not a financial advisor. You should know that the first 30 years of my life, I was broke. I grew up in a household where all six of us say, you know, shared the same tub and shower. You know, is like we didn't have much growing up. I grew up in a town that was economically depressed for over a century. An old Irish mining town. I experienced watching my parents fight for every dollar and have to make everything last. I saw my parents struggle financially my entire life. And when I left for college, I was that kid who paid for college with a bunch of loans and three full time jobs in college. And I was that guy who got the first job out of college. And it was like to me so much, I mean, it was like, wow. I was like, to me, I had made it. And what's interesting is a lot of people don't know when they've made it. So they're all just scratching and going and climbing and they don't know when to feel good about their finances. And sometimes they get kind of trapped in this chase for money and ever increasing money without realizing. Sometimes life is just good and you can really enjoy life at the level you are at as well. That's hard to imagine, but sometimes we have to say, okay, am I conflating wealth and money with happiness? Because remember I told you those first 30 years of my life I was broke. I was also beyond happy. Isn't that weird? How many people have ever been happy and lacking in finances? Well, I would say a good 90% of people at any given time all around the world. So the blessings that we have to be in something like growth Day to be able to afford this or access this. Guys, I'm just here to share you. It's a real blessing to have you here and it's a blessing that we get to even have this conversation openly. And I'm going to say today, ambitiously, it's okay if you want more than you had when you grew up, it's okay if you want more in your career, it's okay if you want a bigger bank account. Doesn't make you a greedy son of a. You know, we have all these hooks about money and we get all upset about them. So I'm here to tell you today we're going to address this conversation about wealth, about abundance, about success. And we're going to approach it optimistically, we're approach it transparently, we're going to approach it from a perspective of saying it's okay to want more. Because when you have more, you have more security, you have more freedom, you have the ability to be more generous with your family and your community. Let's not demonize anything about wealth or money or bring in your thoughts about politics or other things. No, let's focus on your mindset today, not your politics. Let's focus on your mindset how you've approached this area of your life. Because what I can share with you is most people feel so much lack in this area and in some ways of course that's true. Like we've all been down and out and not had money. And we can also say, could I be happy? Regardless, it's an interesting thing. The little things in life about experiencing life in more richness will be the way I actually end today's conversation. So know that's coming for some of you, like, oh my gosh, he's just going to get in the soft stuff about enjoying Life. Just tell me how to make some money in crypto, Brendan. I'm like, that's not what this session is. Again, I'm not going to give, I'm not going to go tell you to do a bunch of investments and specific, you know, financial strategies. We've had that in Growth Day Pro Members. You were able to access David Bach, the world's number one personal finance coach for an entire year. His training is in Growth Day. So there's some great strategies there that I think will serve you. My job today is think about, look at your mindset and your habits that are preventing you from actually implementing the strategies that are preventing you from doing some of the basics maybe, you know, you should do. And also probably stealing your joy because a lot of the way that people think about wealth is actually robbing them of abundance. Let me say that again. A lot of the ways that people think about wealth is actually robbing them from abundance. They're on this forever lack or need or greed or this money chasing thing and they forget to enjoy life. And I can tell you that I've experienced that at different parts of my life, just like many of you have. But you know, I think living richly can be so simple, honestly. And I'll share my philosophies along the way. But I had a very rich experience this morning. I was in the shower, my wife had got some new. What was it? I had to look down. What was this thing? I had to take a. No, I don't know what it is, but oh, lavender eucalyptus body wash. I was rich. I was like, this is amazing. I stayed in the shower extra long. I enjoyed it. It felt so good. I was like, I made it. It didn't matter what the shower was like, didn't matter where it was. It was probably like a $10 tub of body wash. And I was like, this is amazing. So sometimes you have to find what experiencing the good life means to you. What does living the good life mean to you? And so I'm going to start today not teaching you my stuff, but encouraging you to do something very specific. I need you to define wealth for yourself for the next three decades. I love this activity. If you're in Growth Day, bust open your journal or start taking some notes along with this session. What does wealth mean to you this decade of your life? The next decade of your life, if you're blessed with it, the next decade of your life, if you're blessed with that too. Because this teaches you perspective. This helps you realize that what wealth means to you probably right now is unclear. Right. A lot of people really struggle with this. And I say, but you have a job. They go, yeah. I go, and you've been earning money. Yeah. You've been earning money a long time. Yeah. And you still don't know what wealth means to you. So a lot of personal development is about clarity, developing own clarity about life's most important topics. Right? You got to develop clarity about what's important to you. You have to develop clarity about how to be in a relationship. You have to develop clarity about your career. You have to develop clarity about what brings you passion and joy and fulfillment and connection. Like, clarity is the beginning. Well, in most people, they've never done this in the wealth category. So I want you to define wealth for yourself for the next three decades. So literally right now, on a note card, piece of paper in your journal, and growth day in a notes section, I want you to write out your age and a decade after that. And in that category, okay, what does wealth mean? Because sometimes at that moment in your life, it's like, oh, wealth this decades means buying my house, traveling a little bit more, taking care of my parents. Okay? Sometimes it means pay the bills, have groceries, keep the lights on, been there. Sometimes it means, oh, you know what? I would like to buy a second house, a vacation home. I would like to buy a home for my parents. I like to take care of them in retirement. Sometimes it means I want to travel the world. Sometimes it means I just want to experience things a little better. I want to move into a new community or I want to start a business or I want to invest in this thing. It means different things for people. What does it mean for you? Right? What does it mean for you? What does wealth mean for you the next three decades of your life? Now, I always tell people, avoid the trap of just picking some number, because most people, I want to be a millionaire. I'm like, it's great. That means nothing. That means nothing. It's something on a piece of paper. What are you going to do with that? How are you going to live? That's where wealth is. Wealth is in our living experience, not in our bank account. Wealth is in our living experience, not in our bank account. I want you to have total abundance, massive amounts in your bank account. That would be wonderful. And I know a lot of people who have that, and they are miserable because they haven't done what we talk about here on growth day. They haven't found what brings them alive. They haven't found deep connection with the relationships around them. They haven't, you know, defined meaningful pursuits for themselves. They're not growing and so they have the financial abundance, but they're not living a richness of life. Does this make sense to anybody? Hope this is helpful. But that activity alone, defining wealth, what it means for you this decade, the next day and the next decade. Let me bring how I brought, how I thought about this. To me, a huge component of wealth for me personally is freedom. And when I talk about freedom, I talk about it in three specific ways. Right. If you've read my book, the motivation Manifesto, you kind of already know my philosophy. I think the primary two drivers of freedom for people that they want is first and foremost the freedom to be ourselves fully without all the self doubt, negative criticism, bad thinking that makes us feel terrible or upset or shamed and without the social pressure to conform and to be like other people. This is a fancy way of saying be yourself. To me, freedom and being myself, that's wealth. That's a problem. You could give me all the money in the world, but if I have to be somebody else, something that's inauthentic to myself, that is failure to me. So to me, wealth has a lot to do with living richly. What does living richly mean? It means being myself fully, fully expressed, spontaneous, fun, the dorky Brandon you all know and hate, you know, that's it. This is that time of year. People are thinking about their relationships. And one of the most common questions we get asked is Brendon, how do we set more boundaries in our relationships? You know, someone takes advantage of our time, our energy, our effort, our money, whatever it is, and we get upset about that. So how can we prevent that? Now, I'm going to speak today specifically about setting healthy boundaries in healthy relationships. Right? So your lover, your partner, your spouse, that person you're kissing on, how do you set some good relationship boundaries there? Okay, let's get into it. Four big ideas. Number one, most important, say it early, don't wait to say it. What I mean by that is if you know what your boundaries are, don't let them crash into it and mess up before you say it. And what happens for most people because they don't know their boundaries, they just flip off at somebody, right? Someone does something, they get all mad at them. They're like, what's wrong with you? And they don't realize the other person's clueless. No one will ever know your boundaries until you explicitly say, hey, this is a boundary for me. Let me say that again. No one will ever Know it. Here's what happens. Especially. Especially when people are new or young in a relationship, they try to set little hints. You know, someone does, their man does something that, oh, honey, I wish you wouldn't do that. And they're like, that's all they say. That is not enough. Okay? Men, by the way, are thick in the head. They need explicit, direct communication. If you set little hints or little traps, they're not going to figure it out ever. Not five years in the marriage, not 10 years. Boundaries need explicit communication. You need to say, hey, you know what? This is a real boundary for me. I'm not able to do that. I don't like that. This thing is really important to me. If you don't explicitly say it, they will never understand it or try to respect it. So if you had someone who's disrespecting you or not understanding you, is it because you haven't been explicit with them yet? At least start there. Trust me, start there. So maybe sit down and go, okay, Think about the person you're in love with right now and say, okay, what are my real boundaries? What don't I want to talk about? What don't I like that they do? What do I not want to compromise again on where do I not want to feel like I'm too vulnerable? Or where do I want to open up? Like, you need to know your boundaries. And if you don't, don't ever expect them to. And never get mad at them or when they bounce into it. The most important thing, this is number two, never get upset when someone bounces into your boundary. Ever. When someone bounces into it, either A, they don't know it, or B, they're just kind of going through the motions in their own life. Look, they're not thinking about your boundaries. This is really important. No one is thinking about your boundaries. And so when they bounce into it, don't get mad. It's a useless emotion to get angry when somebody does that. Because remember, like, would you get mad at oblivious child? Well, most adults are obliviously going through their day automatically. And when you're going through life automatically without full adult vibrancy and presence, you're going to do some dumb stuff. So don't get mad just once. It happens again. Turn back to explicit, hey, I really like this. Could you pay attention to that? I would also say, or, one reason you should never get mad is, do you know theirs? What are their boundaries? Do you know their boundaries that make them too vulnerable? Like, if you go there, do you know their Boundaries of what makes them upset. Have you asked the questions to try and figure out what they want, what they desire, what they need? Or are you just thinking about your own space now? I know, and I'm not trying to judge you because I don't know your story. I'm talking about this happens for a lot of people. They make the mistake of wanting so much for people to respect them without understanding others or giving others respect. Because it's very easy to get selfish in relationships, especially if you've been hurt. I understand that. But sometimes when we've been hurt, we want to set up a boundary to make everybody fall in line with us without understanding them. And that's trouble. And that's why I want to lead to this next point, which is really important. Set boundaries that help your relationship, not just you. I mean, you have to think of the boundary is no longer you and the boundary is no longer them. The boundary is the two of you together. So it's a different boundary. You need to open up your boundaries to the relationship. That means you need to change your personal preferences and pet peeves and everything else and open it to realize they got theirs, too. Your boundaries as a couple should always be expanding between the two of you. Your trust should expand between the two of you. Your love should expand between the two of you. Your faith in each other and confidence in each other, that should expand between the two of you. Meaning boundaries are never set in a relationship. You should be pushing them. Pushing them. Be more vulnerable on your fifth date than you were on your first date, than you were on your first year versus your third, sixth year. Like, continue to grow and open up that boundary. It's so important. But realize, if all the boundaries you have are to protect yourself, you're not setting boundaries for the relationship. You're just being a single person in a silo in a relationship. Real relationships have boundaries for themselves. What do I mean by that? You protect your time with your spouse, your lover, your partner. As much as you try to protect your time against them or against others, you protect the respect that the two of you have. When people try to poke holes at your lover and they criticize them, you don't allow that. You don't speak ill of the person that you're in love with. You know, if you're in love with them, that relationship is healthy. Look, if they're abusive or they're doing something bad, tell lots of people and get the heck out of that. Get out of that situation. But if you are in love and this is A good relationship. Listen, listen. It's important that you respect the relationship boundaries. That you don't speak ill or bad of the other person, that you don't take potshots at them. That you respect the two of you together. As important as your preferences, as important as their preferences, as important as your career, as important as their career. That the relationship itself deserves protection and your boundary around it to love on it and to protect it. Your job is to protect the relationship more than protecting your ego. Does that make sense? So expand your own definition of boundaries and that will lead you in this last piece, which you actually really like, which is how can you now let go of all these boundaries you've set up? Like there's a freedom in relationship after a period of time where the boundaries have been knocked down more, where you're allowing people in more. I tell people all the time, I say, you really want to set boundaries in life, be more loving. It'll push the boundaries away, right? You want to set more boundaries in life, be more loving. Because the bigger those boundaries get, the more they become useless. Like, why are you trying to protect yourself so much? Think about that. After a period of time in a relationship, why try to protect yourself so much? Open up again. Open up those boundaries now again. If you're in a relationship where there's abuse, mental, physical, emotional abuse, then your job needs to be exit, period. Your job isn't. Change the other person, your job exit. Set the boundary exit. That's the answer, period. If you're an abusive relationship, go right, go get. There's plenty of services in your local communities. Get support, ask for your friends, but get out of that relationship because the abuse will not. They're not going to suddenly remember not to be abusive. That's where they're at and you can't change it. So set that boundary clear and clean. But if you're in a positive relationship, love more in that relationship. Be more vulnerable. Let that thing come open. Now, obviously you can tell I'm just answering your questions here, and I'm going off the top of my head, but I hope it serves you. Because the reality is most people, they're trying to protect themselves too much in life because they got hurt. But I had to learn that lesson, too. I had a terrible breakup when I was a young man that caused me and led me into depression and ultimately suicidal thoughts. And I did what we all do. I didn't want to get hurt anymore. So I built up boundaries. I put up walls, I put on a mask. Whatever metaphor you Want to use. I was trying to keep out the bad people, but at that cost of letting in good people. So I always say sometimes in our own boundaries, in our own efforts to protect ourselves, we block out the very things that we so desperately desire so might actually turn out in your life. You didn't need more boundaries. You need to let a few of them go. How do you deal with negative people? Now wait a second. Don't jump anywhere because maybe you think you know the answer to this, but I have a different take on it. Because you know what? Today it's very popular for people to tell you, well, just get rid of negative people. Never be around them. Just be around positive people all the time. But what happens when the negative person is your spouse or your brother or your sister or that guy at work you have to sit next to every day? Dude, what do you do when real life is here and we're not in some la la land of personal development where everybody's positive and perfect? Because you and I both know there are people out there who are very critical, who will be hard with you, who will try to find every little thing they can to comment about you, or they're always complaining about the weather or the news and just their energy makes you want to just like repel. That's real. And sometimes you can't get rid of those people. And sometimes, in my personal opinion, I don't know, somehow the advice of just get rid of everything in life that you don't like seems a little weak willed, if you know what I mean. You know, it's just like, gosh, yes, it's wonderful that we have this new modern age of ease and convenience and there are lots of options for us. But you know, we also have to develop our character. So let me tell you my thoughts about number one thing you should do when you got to deal with negative people. Use it. Use their energy. Use that energy they put out there. Use that challenge for your own character development. Really? See, when I have someone's negative around me, I don't sit there and I don't become a victim. Oh gosh, they're such negative. I don't go home and assume their energy and now I'm negative. Instead I go, you know what? This is a moment to test am I really in command of my emotions and how I think or are they? Am I giving my power over to the world so that they can just take my energy and turn it to what they want or am I in charge? So I use it as a challenge, not as something I don't have to challenge or change them immediately. I'll get to that point. But I get to the point where I say, you know what? Huh? Here's a little challenge the world's throwing at me right now. Can I stay on my game? Can I stay centered? Can I stay peaceful? Can I stay calm? Can I stay present right here, right now and not have to run away from it, not have to pretend it's not there, but use it? And I encourage you to do that. Because if it's just something that you immediately complain about, well, then in your complaint, you just let them win. Their negativity has turned you into noticing what is negative, and you lost. You're not winning. Even if you can critically, you know, throw a bar bat it, make fun of it, you're still losing. You're being sucked into their pools of pessimism. You're drowning. So I say use it. Recognize it and use it second. I say this. Empathize. You know, a lot of people who are being in a negative mood or negative energy, you don't know why. You know, you've had a bad day, too. You've been rude. Yes, I know. You're amazing, and you watch this show and you're really into personal development. But at the end of the day, you've been rude to people, too. You've had a bad day, you snapped, you've been impatient, you've hollered. You've been a jerk when you shouldn't have been. You know it. Well, other people do, too. So when somebody is negative, always wonder, I wonder what happened today that led to that. You know, maybe the kids got out of the wrong side of bed and they were just horrible that morning. And that person didn't sleep last night. Maybe something happened with their family. Maybe on the way to the work, they just thought of something very depressing in their past. Maybe the truth is, right now, they're so unclear about who they are and what they want in life that they're taking out on other people. Maybe their own failures, their own struggles, their own disappointments have ravaged them and led them to, you know, depression, led them to mental disorder. The reality is we never know someone's story. And once you can teach yourself that, I really believe you become a better human. You become more compassionate. You're better at listening. You're better able to understand because you have the intention to sympathize and say, oh, that person's really in a bad place right now. You don't take ownership of that. Say, Well, I didn't cause it. You just say simply, ah, they're in a bad place. I hope they're okay. You know, I think it's a real, true personal power to be able to walk by negative people and still say, I wish you nothing but joy and health and strength and love in your life to have that hope for people even when they're in a bad place. That's humanity. I would say number three, go for it, shift it. It's one of my favorite games I play in my entire life. When there's a group of people around me and they're in a negative energy, I love to try and shift it. Not by telling them they're in a bad energy, but by trying to introduce humor, trying to introduce something, you know, pointing out something that I'm grateful for, that I appreciate, making fun of the situation, teasing, making fun of myself, whatever I need to do. I take it as. As a challenge to, how can I say something stupid that makes them kind of shift their energy? I call it leveling up. So it's like when you're around a group of people and their energy is down here, can you level up? Not by accosting them and saying, your energy sucks, I hate you, but instead by introducing the positive into that negative situation. Cause you'll find that if you'll do those first couple steps, you really focus on using that situation to test yourself and that you're still empathetic. Then when you come in and you try to shift it, it's just like, wow, you'll really develop people skills. You'll really develop the ability to lead. You'll really develop the ability to start movements, to make a difference. Because nothing shifts the world more than you shifting your energy to complement or to serve the world. So give it a try. Try to shift that energy. And last piece, which I think is really, really important, is do not fear making the request saying to somebody straightforward. You know, especially if they're negative all the time around, you, don't blame them, don't be mean to them, don't belittle them, don't hit them with negative energy. Instead, make a request. Say this, say, you know what, I've just been having a hard time lately with my energy. I know sometimes, you know, you're in that place too, and there's a lot going on that's negative and everything, but can I ask you a favor? Could you just play a game with me and just try to be like, you know, attentive to your energy and be positive with me? Just for me. I know you're good and you got your own stuff. I'm just wondering, could you help kind of just increase the energy around here for a little while? I've noticed the team needs it. I've noticed the kids need it. I've noticed that. That I'm having a tough time and I know you could help me out and, you know, I just feel like the energy around here is too negative sometimes. I contribute to that. And I know you have your tough times, but I wonder if together we could just say, you know what, let's be a little bit more positive. Could we try and just enroll them? Hey, it's Brandon jumping back in here again. Are you looking to go to the next level in your life right now? The next level of joy, abundance, success? Then you already know that you need to journal about your lessons learned in your life. You got to track your moods and your habits. You have to learn from the best personal development coaches and teachers in the world. And you got to stay inspired and accountable so that you can be more focused, disciplined, joyous and keep growing. That's what the Growth Day app is going to help you to do, my friend. It's the world's first, first, all in one personal development app. It has all of the tools you need, all the coaching and the community that you need to level up to progress every week, to track your breakthroughs and to keep growing in every area of your life consistently over the long term. So go start your transformation right now@growthday.com or just download the Growth Day app on your phone right now. Every day. You can keep improving every day. We are here for you and every day is truly a great day to grow together. So let's make self improvement a way of life. Let's make that self improvement stick. Go to growthday.com right now. Energy, mental and physical and spiritual strength or vibrancy. I just call it energy in high performance training. What is my energy? Do I have the energy to serve? Do I have the energy to focus? Do I have the energy to go to the gym? Do I have the energy to be nice to my spouse and my partners and my friends? Do I have the energy to do the work today? For me, when my energy is low or it is dipping, I always, always go, what is causing that? It's almost always two things. If my energy dips low in the day, I always know there's two culprits. One, something happened that bothered my brain. I got annoyed, frustrated or hurt by something. I got annoyed, frustrated or hurt by something. And it happened recently, it happened in the last day or two and it's affecting my energy right now. Your energetic state right now is a hangover. Your mood right now is a hangover effect. Not always negative, can be positive, but it's an effect of something, right? Input, output, cause, effect. That's real. So I'm like, okay, what has hooked me, what has angered me, what has frustrated me? And then I'll do something like Byron, Katie's teaching on the work. And I'll just flip the question or I'll flip the feeling. I'll say, okay, what would my life be like without that thought? Is that thought true? What's the opposite of that thought? And I'll just question those things that annoy me, frustrated or hurt me and then I'll do the physical work again of releasing those things. And if I need help with releasing those, many of you guys know I love and invested in the tapping solution. So I'll just tap. I'll just go into my mind for those who know tapping and I'll just do a tapping routine. For those who want to learn tapping, you can learn it in the Growth Day app. There's a course in there on it already. And so I'll just do something physical to release that tension. But again, I said there's two reasons probably for my low energy is one, something mentally or emotionally, it hooked my brain and it's lowering the quality of energy I feel in life. The second one for me, which is big, is the last 72 hours of physical exercise and nutrition. It's like you feel right now what you consumed and how you moved in the last 72 hours. Most people think it is only during the day. No, the food you ate three days ago, that's still in your body. The nutrition from that, the macros from that, whether you burned it off or not, the energy, the energetic effect culminates one day, two days, three days. That's why sometimes people, if you've ever done a cleanse or something, you don't feel that much different in the first day or two. But by day three or four, you start like getting like this amazing clarity. Why that 72 hour cycle of biology that we humans have, it's why when I know I'm going to teach a seminar to y', all, like I'm going to go, you know, like I've been blessed to. A lot of the industry knows we teach the single two hardest events in the world. When it was High Performance Academy and then certified High Performance coaching These are literally nine hours a day on stage, often by myself. And used to be now got a little smarter about it, but it was intensely difficult. And if you see me on stage, I'm not sitting like I am now in this little room in quarantine, I'm, like, bouncing the whole time we were dancing the whole time. I'm running back and forth, the flip chart down in the audience, walking around. I do a marathon a day in steps, jumps, and movement, right? It's unbelievable. I got to eat three times the calories to pull off each of those days. And I can tell you when I'm on stage and I'm not feeling it, I don't go, wow, what just happened last hour? I'm like, okay, what was the last three days here? When was I moving? How was I recovering? What was I eating? When was I moving? How was I recovering? What was I eating? And I'll run that through over and over, and I'll identify. I'm like, oh, you know what? There was that one hour after that stage. I was all hyped. I didn't eat. Or, oh, you know what? There was that time. You know what? I should have spent another 20 minutes meditating or sleeping or I just run back. So I want you to do that. Anytime you don't feel well. I really want to cue you to develop the habit. This is like my advanced habit. If I don't feel well, like, okay, 72 hours. What hooked my brain or my ego, maybe frustrated, angry, upset. Let me release that right now. That's the first thing. A release technique again. Second thing is, okay, have I moved and what did I eat? So it's like, oh, on Friday, I had those three glasses of wine versus that one. Got it. That's a lingering effect. Okay, that's good to know. Or, oh, you know what? I really just wanted to cheat, and I did. But now I'm really. I'm paying for it. And listen, I'm not here to judge anybody. Whatever you want to eat, consume the stuff that you do, not my business. My business is reminding you of wellness, is experience of life. And you have either defined what wellness looks like and feels like to you or you have not. And because I have, this is so important to me. I hate when I don't have this. Lacking energy to me is so painful that I structure my life to ensure I have it. I don't know about you, but I've laid in hospital beds for days. I don't know about you, but I've served in hospice and Saw people who couldn't get out of bed and had their last breaths. I don't know about you, but I've had those times on stage or service or moments with family or friends when I didn't feel energy. And because I didn't feel energy, I didn't do a good job for them. And I hated those moments. I want to do a good job for people, and I think to do a good job for people, I got to care for my energy. And so I always tell people, if you haven't gotten healthy for yourself yet, do it for the people around you who are getting the shrapnel of your bad energy. Bad energy, negative energy. There's shrapnel from that, there's emotional trauma from that, there's stuff from that that we got to make sure we release and not hold onto. And, and I know you guys know all this, but I hope it helps you. The practice I have is a 72 hour assessment of my energy. Whenever I dip, I'm like, let me do my little 72 hours. Where was my ego? Hooked, annoyed or hurt? Let me let that go. What was my fueling routine, my movement routine? Oh, no wonder. I feel like crap. I've been sitting for three days. Oh, my back is mad. I forgot to stretch. I didn't open up my body and my breath with a workout, a walk, a bike, a run, a hike. I didn't move. No wonder. Oh gosh, let me go. Come on, honey, let's go for a walk. Just get that movement back in. Get that movement back in. For those who have studied me with high performance work before, I Recommend Like a 2 by 2 or a 3 by 3. All that means is like a 2 by 2 is once a week you do a HIIT training and once a week you do a 60 minute cardio training. That's a 2 by 2. A 3 by 3 is. You're just adding more to that. So you're doing one session, hit one session long cardio, one session, some other type of movement that you love to do that just opens up your body and gives you flexibility. Maybe like a yoga or something. But whatever your routine is, did you move? Everyone knows the number one challenge to long term health is nutrition and movement. Number one and number two. And people say, no, no, no, it must be sleep. I'm like, number one and number two are the greatest weapons you have for greater sleep. It is your nutrition and it is your physical movement that gives you the ability to sleep well. Now guess what? When you have reverence for Life. And you are releasing that tension throughout the day, emotionally letting go of that ego or that hurt. Now you sleep like a baby. I have been blessed with sleep for a long time. Not because it came natural, because I sucked at it. And I said I got to get better at this. So I changed my nutrition. I moved more, I did more emotional releasing of tension. And those were part of my days. Remember, wellness is not something you do once in a while. It is the experience of life. You have to do this many times a day. Also, for those who have studied for a long time, with energy. Every 45 minutes, I'm up, I'm bouncing, I'm moving. I'm opening up all the meridians on my body. I'm taking 10 deep breaths and bouncing in place and closing my eyes to rest. That energetic movement every hour, that breath work every hour, that opening meridians every hour. It's how I'm annoying all the time. It's like you're like you hanging out with me. Like, wow, that guy goes all day and he's just, he's in it all day. I had to train that. You're training your focus right now. You're training your energy. You're training your ability to serve. It's happening right now. And it happened last 72 hours, too. Hey, my friends, it's Brendon Burchard. Thanks for joining me this morning for a very important topic as we discuss some of difficult, difficult topics of life. Those topics of loss, of grief, of dealing with tragedy, difficulty, struggle, loneliness. Of how do we carry on when bad things happen. How do we find strength and grace and peace in some of the most difficult situations and moments of our lives. That's a big topic today. I encourage you today to enter and frame this conversation in your own mind, to develop your own mindset and attitude towards these conversations before we even have them. Because that is one secret, in fact, to dealing with difficulties of life. To set our minds in advance, to set our intentions in advance, to think through and contemplate. How will I cope with that? How will I face that? How will I endure that? That ultimately is one of the great strengths of consciousness, of presence, of intention, of anticipation that allows us to deal with some of the worst issues of life. So let's enter this as a community positive to have a beautiful conversation. Let's do it from a perspective of knowing that we are going to deal with some unpleasant emotions that might come up. And let's face that willingly with trust and faith and gratitude because I will share one thing that is beautiful about loss and grief. And that is you only experience those things and feel those things. If you had something and you were connected to something that you enjoyed, something that you felt was important, something that was beautiful, something that was meaningful to you, and so you had a sense of meaningful connection, and something maybe shifted or changed. But that was a beautiful gift. I do want to set the stage a little bit more, too, because I probably have a different perspective about this conversation. Many of you have heard about, you know, and I know I got a lot of questions in advance. Are you going to talk about the five stages of grief? And no, I'm not. If you've studied Elizabeth Kubler Ross or the work or the ideals behind the five stages of grief, if you haven't heard of that work before, the idea that there's these five stages. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I'm more of the mind of which of Elizabeth's who came up with that idea and wrote about that so compellingly towards the end of her life. She mentioned that she wished that it had never been framed as stages, because as she wrote about and spoke about towards the end of her life as a theorist and a person who had given hospice care, she thought, you know, I wish everyone didn't think there were these stages you're supposed to go through. You know, some of you, you feel like you're supposed to feel great by now. You feel like, well, I should have moved through these stages. I should be okay by now. And some of the greatest moments of grace that you ever allow yourself in life is the grace of time, the grace of allowing. Everything I'm going to share with you today is just by nature going to be a generic nature. Everyone will cope differently. And if you're still struggling through and you think, jeez, I should be in the stage of acceptance by now, you know, I want to let you know, the person who literally came up with the idea of the five stages of grief wished it wasn't called stages because she thought everyone deals with it differently. It's not sequential. These things become circular in time. And not everybody feels all of these emotions either, Right? The people who I've lost in my life, I've never yet had the sense of anger toward. I didn't have a sense of anger that that thing happened. I didn't have anger towards my father dying. And I know that might sound completely crazy to people, but that was an emotion that I experienced with death, partially because the way that I've faced mortality throughout my life, not everyone goes through all These stages. So I want to set that frame off the bat. Everybody copes differently. There's no right or wrong way to experience loss. There is, however, a healthy way to re engage life. We know from 50 years of psychological study, and you all know inherently and innately that there are ways that we cope that are healthy and there are ways that don't make us feel good. There are things that we do that can lead to less ability to continue on with life in a happy way. One of the most important and powerful frames I can give you for loss and grief above all else and above everything else is conscious anticipation. Conscious anticipation. Consciousness or awareness in life is so important if we're going to cope. Well, what we usually mean when we speak about that, especially with loss and grief, is having the ability to anticipate that it will happen, okay, that it will happen. That if you haven't faced your own mortality and your own death yet, I deeply invite you to do that at some point. Face your mortality, your own personal mortality. Most people have never had a conversation about death in their own mind with themselves, let alone contemplating that maybe they would lose a parent one day, or a sibling one day, or a job one day. In other words, in a spiritual practice, we would talk about this as a concept of awareness to impermanence. You've heard that phrase before, awareness to impermanence, that nothing is permanent. That in a lot of spiritual principles you might think of, well, what is permanent maybe is if. If it's God or if it's universe or it's the dao or the way that there might be something, spirit that is permanent. But in the human experience, in our natural world, things are impermanent. Can you face that? Can you face that? Can you anticipate that? Let me switch metaphors for you real quickly. As many of you know, I do this for a living. I talk to groups of people all the time. I'm out on social media all the time. And I talk with so many influencers, so many people who want to be leaders and who are building up their brands and their careers, and they're shocked, shocked when someone judges them on the Internet. They're amazed when someone posts a negative just mean comment. They can't believe it. Can you believe this person posts this mean thing? On my video, I spent months on, on my life's work, I posted a message that's beautiful about my family. And this person attacked me. Can you believe it? I'm like, yes. Why are you surprised? It's called the Internet. Anyone ever been surprised? You got a mean attack on the Internet. Well, I tell my peers all the time, I'm like, please don't be surprised that some. That is something that I guarantee that will happen. If you are commuting, if you are driving to work or you are driving somewhere and you are cut off by somebody in traffic and you go into a rage about it, I'm like, you were surprised. And I know these are simple and simplistic and almost silly metaphors here, but I just want to switch your mind into that anticipatory power that we all have that when we actually anticipate, oh, this is going to happen, we are way more capable of being centered than when we don't anticipate it. I'm not saying there will not be shock. I am not saying there won't be heartache. I am not saying there won't be incredible fear or denial or regret or sadness. But what I'm suggesting to you now is find peace with the inevitable. If we can find peace with the inevitable in advance, we are more able to cope. Switching metaphors again. As you know, I've been blessed to coach some of the highest level groups in the military across all branches. And the way that they deal with what is about to come, when it is just like one of the most difficult missions or projects or tours of their lifetime, is they rehearse it over and over and over and over again in their mind and in practice and in the field, they get comfortable with what is going to be an uncomfortable, unpleasant, potentially terrorizing situation. I don't pretend that's easy. And that's one reason I love the military. Their willingness to do what is incredibly difficult, to protect the freedoms that we all enjoy. But I will share. There's some kind of power in that. And I had that when I was a 19 year old kid and I had my car accident. It forced me to face death. Any fans here of philosophy? Anyone ever read philosophy? Well, if you've never really gotten to the study of philosophy, I hope you will and you'll know. Chapter one in all of philosophy, almost across all philosophers in the history of the world. Chapter one, if we could generalize, says, you're going to die. Now let's talk about life. That's like the fundamental of philosophy. So I read so much I got comfortable with the fact that I was going to lose people. There was going to be loss in life anticipation. Now, I know this does not sound really like motivating, but that's not the point here. The point is to say, can we anticipate it. When I received the call from my dad letting me know that he had been just diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, out of nowhere, he woke up, was lacking some balance as he walked down the hallway. It was Mother's Day of 2009. So he woke up on Mother's Day, didn't feel good. Mom said, what's wrong with you? So I don't feel good. He's kind of unbalanced. The weeks before, he's playing golf and racquetball and bowling. He's healthy. All of a sudden, something's wrong, doesn't get better. They go to the hospital. Within a few hours, he's sitting with two doctors who are looking at his blood work and then do some more tests, and they let him know he has seven days to live. And they say, you have aml, acute myeloid leukemia. There's two types of leukemia. AML is the one that usually takes the person quickly. And they said, you have seven days because what happens is your stem cells. I don't want to go to the whole thing about leukemia, but essentially you're creating blood that's not good, and ultimately it shuts down your organs. I know I could go deeper into that. But those who know what I'm talking about with leukemia, it strikes fast. And so he had seven days. As soon as he told me that, I said, okay. And I was in shock, and I wanted to deny it, and I had fear. And that comes from shock. You know, when you hear news that you didn't anticipate or something happens you didn't anticipate, you're going to have a shock reaction. And for me, I was shocked about it at first. And those emotions come in. And by the end of the conversation, though, as I felt those emotions come up, I also was releasing them because I'd already contemplated my father's passing years earlier in journaling activities of how I would think of the passing of people. And I know that sounds almost fatalistic, but, you know, have you ever heard that saying, you don't want to leave things unsaid? I was reading a book one time. It said, you know what? Contemplate the passing of people who are important in your life so that you don't leave things unsaid, so that you think of, like, wow, what if this person. What if this is my last moment with this person? If this was my last moment with this person? What would I love to say to them and communicate to them and. And don't leave those things unsaid. Now, I know that's difficult because all of us have had situations where someone has passed or know someone who's passed and things were unsaid. And that is incredibly unsettling. It brings up shock and it brings up regret and it brings up sadness, which we'll talk about those emotions. But also in this moment, in the here and now, listen, none of us can take back whatever's happened in our lives, right? Whatever has happened, has happened. It is as it was, as it is. We are here, we are here now. And all we can do moving forward together as a group is anticipate moving forward. We can't. Like, this is not a thing where I'm going to try to be on a healing journey of the things of the decades past for any of us, because we all heal in our own time, in our own ways. But I'm here to say it's incredibly powerful if we can contemplate mortality and anticipate it and go, wow, what should I say to my kids? What should I say to my loved ones? Let me make sure I take care of people and treat people in ways that I don't regret and that things are said. One reason I was at peace, because my father had already said everything he'd said needed to say to me. I was lucky on that. I'd already said everything I needed to say. Now we just had to go through the process with honor and integrity and respect and love of end of life and not deny it. Face it, my dad faced it with a positive attitude. He knew it was coming. They told him, you have seven days. He's a Marine, so he made it 59 days. Good job, dad. And he fought with great, great attitude. I just couldn't believe it. I kept waiting for his attitude to sour. Never did. Couldn't believe it. He anticipated the end and he anticipated how he wanted to face it. And it was incredible. And I was lucky to witness that. And I want to let you know I've also witnessed the complete opposite in care before, been with families where it was the opposite and that wasn't right or wrong either. People cope with the end of life is the way that they can. And for those of you who've cared for someone at the end of their lives, I want to let you know that caregiver guilt is something that if you are facing it or you've ever faced it, that's okay, that's entirely normal. And that you need to grant yourself the peace of knowing you did the best you could at the time with what you knew. You know, I've had the blessing of working with a lot of medical professionals, doctors and hospice care workers who talk about this. Gosh, I wish I could. You know, we all wish we could take back time and go change things. We can't. And so today, grant yourself the peace and the gift of knowing you did the best that you could at the time that you knew how to do. They did the best they knew that they could. I wish, you know, that was the first time I've ever cared for somebody personally for months on end with leukemia. I wish I knew more about leukemia. At the time, I didn't know. I didn't know. So some things I would have done differently and dad would have done differently and my family would have done differently. We did the best we could and so did dad. And I want to let you know that no matter what you have dealt with in grief in the past, your family or others loss, losing a job, your divorce, your breakup, your loss of job, listen, you were as conscious as you were at that moment. You did what you could. And you need to give yourself grace because please listen to me, my friends. At that time, you were in shock and you were coping. And if you just need a little science from, you know, Brendon right now, let me drop some science on you. A stunning fact that when people are in shock or coping, they don't always perform at their highest level, best. Oh, my gosh. Did the performance guy just tell us that and say it's okay? Yes. I'm letting you know it's okay that you weren't absolutely phenomenal and perfect and other people around you weren't absolutely and phenomenal and perfect. It's okay if you were getting divorced and the two of you fought, it's okay if you're getting fired and you screamed at your boss, it's okay. Whatever happened, you now must go. I accept it as it was. I'm at peace with what it was. I did the best I knew how at the time. And even if you don't believe you did the best as you could at the time, it doesn't matter. Because yesterday's darkness didn't rise with the sun. Today, you're in a new moment. You're in a new moment. Your cells are new right now. This spirit, this energy, if you take a deep breath in, that air you're breathing, that's fresh. But I wanted to let you know we're in the here and now. Take grace and connection with the moment for yourself. We've all had pain We've all had sadness. We can allow the moment now to refresh us. A moment now to have a new feeling, a new emotion, a new sense about ourselves, a new belief about ourselves, a new faith in ourselves, a new faith in the world right now, this is a new moment. And with new moments, there's second chances. And with new second chances, there's new abilities to begin anew. But even if we don't begin anew, to allow ourselves the peace and the grace of the moment. So important, you know, if you think about anticipation being something that's really powerful, I also want to share. Acceptance is really powerful. To accept ourselves as we are now, no matter what has happened to us. To accept life as it is now, even if it's not perfect. To be in a ready state of acceptance is really powerful. To be accepting when your kids act out and they're freaking out and they're angry. To be accepting when your team doesn't get it right. To be accepting when the project falls apart. To be accepting when the video doesn't get the likes you want. Just to be allowing and surrendering to the outcomes of life and face them as they are. Identifying what are the controllable variables here, what's not controllable, and asking for the grace of the wisdom to know the difference between the two. There's a lot of things you can't control, let them go. The things that you can control, you can only control in this moment. So if you didn't control it right in the past, let it go. It's now, uncontrollable now. What are the controllable factors? Living in the now will always be, always be the first sort of gate to enter, to free yourself from pain, to step back into this moment of now, to accept, to realize this is what is. Even if I didn't want it this way, this is what is. And what is is here. Okay, now, how would I like to interpret it? What would I like to do next? These are the power you think of. If you can anticipate things will happen and you can accept things as is what the world is, while you also accept your power to shift and shape and control and move things around that you can. That's an uncommon perspective to come into things with, to anticipate them and to accept those two things are so powerful. Okay, my friend, I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Brennan Show Show. Tell some people about this episode. It's on each of us to spread positivity and empowerment during these times of chaos and negativity. Right? So I'm asking you to be the dealer of hope and personal growth and education in your tribe. So take a screenshot right now and share the screenshot and this link to this episode with three of your friends today. Post it on social media. Use the hashtag growthday. That's. That's growthday, because that's the name of my company and we're always giving away prizes to our community. If you'd like to help me personally, then please rate and review the podcasts on Apple Podcasts. Give us some stars, cheer us on. Leave a review. Because believe it or not, that stuff actually really does help. And I read all of them. So my last thought for today, please remember you are stronger than you think and the future holds good things for you. Tomorrow can be an inspired day. Every new morning is a second chance. Every day is a great day to grow. We're thankful to have you here in the Growth Day community, so be sure to go deeper with us@growthday.com. It.