Mashup: How to Overcome the Fears That Hold You Back

If there is tomorrow, there is no ruin. If there is tomorrow, there is no ruin. So what do you do? As soon as you start feeling yourself catastrophizing, Remember to ask yourself better questions and say, okay, not what I wanted. So what should I do today? Not what I wanted. What am I going to do tomorrow morning, tomorrow afternoon, tomorrow evening to start moving it forward to making that next dollar or that next r action of integrity, to make that next call, that next email, that there's always a next. If you've heard me talk about fears before, you know, I usually say that there's, you know, sort of three types of fear. And those types of fear are usually oriented towards, like, loss. Like, I'm scared I'm going to lose, you know, my identity, or I'm scared I'm going to lose my job or I'm going to lose money or I'm going to lose something. I also talk about the way that we think about fear. We're also scared of the hardship pains. You know, it's like, oh, it's going to be difficult or hard or I won't know how to do it or I'll look stupid or the outcome pains. And the outcome pains are, well, if I do all that and it doesn't turn out well, well then, you know, what. What's that say about me? Or, gosh, why would I have wasted all that time? So usually when I think about fear, I kind of think about it in, I guess, sort of three time periods. Like before I do the thing, I'm scared if I do that thing, I'm going to lose what I currently have. And then I think about, well, in the process of it, I'm scared I'm going to have some pain, it's going to be hardship. And I'm scared after I do it, it won't turn out well. And I think that's where our minds usually are when we are consciously contemplating fear, right? If we sit down, we think about, okay, I'm going to do this thing, and we're, you know, very conscious or aware. We sense that, oh, maybe I'll lose this, maybe that'd be hard, maybe it won't turn out well. But that's really the rationalized fears. I think there are also very impulsive fears that we have that often maybe underlie beneath the surface. The first one, which you know, is the fear of rejection as a social species. Acceptance, validation, belonging is so built into our DNA, like it's just who. It's like, so important to us that doing anything that would risk us looking like a fool. That would make your family make fun of you, that would make somebody stop loving you or caring for you as much or doing something where you would truly feel like you are now ostracized by people that you care about or care for. It's terrifying for people. It's funny though, when I sit down with a 40 year old and we're talking about their life and you know, they're secure at home and they're secure at work and things are going good, you know, so life is good, but they're trying to reach that next level. Sometimes we have to really ask, am I fearing rejection? Is that why I'm not at the next level? Please don't tell me that fear is not an issue in your life. And, and please don't tell me rejection's not because you were scared doing that thing and this might not have been fully conscious. You were scared doing that fully thing, jumping into that goal, that dream. Somebody might say something to you they might hate on you on the Internet. Your neighbors might look at you funny if they don't already. You might have had somebody around kind of like you just knew their negativity would increase the more risk that you took, even though you knew those risks were really the next right actions of integrity for you. Right? That's what I'm always telling people. It's like when you're stuck and you don't know what to do. I always say, just take the next right action of integrity for you, whatever that is, speak up for yourself, take that step, move towards that dream, whatever you got to do, take that next right action of integrity. Well, for a lot of people that's scary for when the spouse isn't going to be supportive, when the boss is going to say no, when the business is secure, but now you're going to try something new that might risk your ROI or your cash flow. It's scary. It's scary. And what we all want so much is to be loved and validated and accepted and belong. And most people don't look at this one. So let's flip it on its head a little bit. Let's flip it on its head because we know it's a powerful driver for people even if they're not fully aware of how much they really are doing. You know, when people read my book, the Motivation Manifesto, they're always like, man, I didn't realize how much I was doing to please other people. Because those who you might say, well, rejection is not an issue. And I Go, well, are you a pleaser? Are you a people pleaser? Are you someone who makes a lot of compromises in your life to help other people because you just feel like.

You need to do that?

And they go, yes. Do you ever please other people to the detriment of yourself? They go, yeah. I go, well, then you have rejection issues. If you can't say no, you have rejection issues. If you can't take risks, you have rejection issues. If you're trying to please everybody all the time at the cost of your own health, wealth, joy, confidence in life, you have rejection issues. And so what to do? A couple simple recommendations. Number one, make sure you read at some point of your life the motivation manifesto. It will put fire in you to.

Stop being a people pleaser, and it.

Will put you back onto marching the right path for yourself. And it will do it with some language that will absolutely put some fire under your belly. Second, though, let's flip the script a little bit here. If we know that human belonging, acceptance and love is so important to us, but right now we are focused on a rejection or a concern what they might think if I say yes or no or don't do my thing, then. Then maybe we can flip it and say, oh, well, what would I have to do to gain the next level of love, connection, belonging or validation in this group of people who I want to serve, who I want to care for, who I want to contribute to? Okay, second big point up here. Oh, my gosh, this is a big one. If you didn't take that big risk this year, I bet this one. Oh, I bet this one was rubbing on your brains and you're like, why didn't I do that thing? It's because we fear ruin. Ruin. The fear of complete and utter irreversibility of a negative consequence. That's what it is. It's that fear of just complete irreversibility of a negative consequence. And here's the thing. If you've ever found yourself like, I'm not going to do that, because that could ruin us. You're in a ruined mindset versus a learning mindset. I tell people all the time who say, well, Brendan, you don't understand. I'm not scared of ruin. I'm just scared of being disappointed. And I said, no, you're just not into learning yet. You're not scared of disappointment. You're just not into learning yet. Because when you are into learning now, disappointment and ruin aren't even on the table anymore. Because everything is a test, everything is a data Point, everything is something to learn from and everything is a jumping off point, not a cliff. And I know a lot of people in the industry of entrepreneurialism or small business owners or people who want to be in that. And they go and they say, well, Brenda, I'm scared to start my own business because what do they say? I'll go broke, I'll face financial ruin. And I'm always like, you know what? No one ever hits financial ruin.

They really don't.

There is no financial can't come back from place because every person can make a new dollar, right? And that new dollar is, that's one peg up and another new dollar, another new dollar. And I speak to this not flippantly to you. I went bankrupt in my life. Really, I mean full on bankruptcy. In the early part of my life. When I first started my first business and I was trying to do teaching and training and online training and workshops, I didn't know what I was doing. Totally went bankrupt. And I never thought, this is forever. Oh my God. I was like, you know what, this sucks. Not what I want. So what's the next right action of integrity? Why is it important that I still show up and deliver with excellence?

What will I do today?

If there is tomorrow, there is no ruin. If there is tomorrow, there is no ruin. So what do you do? As soon as you start feeling yourself catastrophizing, remember to ask yourself better questions and say, okay, not what I wanted.

So what should I do today?

Not what I wanted. What am I going to do tomorrow morning, tomorrow afternoon, tomorrow evening to start moving it forward to making that next dollar or that next right action of integrity to make that next call, that next email. There's always a next right?

Always a next.

It's like it's one of the great four letter words of all time.

Next, right?

So ruin shouldn't be stopping you. Fear of ruin. You just have to know where that is because what you're doing is, you're catastrophizing.

And this is really important if you.

Don'T feel like you made big leaps this year. There was, you were scared, you were like, I'm going to jump off this cliff and take this action and I'm going to fall to my death. Ruin, death, destruction. Instead of saying, I'm going to jump off this cliff and I'm going to fly, baby, I don't know how and I might fall for a little bit, but I'm going to flap those wings at some point. I'm going to catch that wind and Here we go. Your expectancy was in the gutter versus in the air. You were looking down versus looking up, you were feeling down versus animating yourself so you felt better and that you moved further. So my friends, be wary of the ruinous thoughts, those global catastrophizing, dead negative forever things that you have. Soon as you hear it, you gotta flip it. As soon as you hear it, you got to flip it. Third big idea in overcoming our fears is that fear of regret. Fear of regret is such, I would say it's like a stake in the ground that you're tied to. You know, when you just, you know, you want to go beyond a boundary, but this fear of regret stops you because you know, you don't, you don't want to regret taking an action because if you took an action and you rejected and you were ruinous and then you felt like, I knew I shouldn't have done that, well, how doubly like doesn't this make everything else worse? Right? If you fear these things and they happen now you regret the action, it's 10 times worse. But that's what we keep doing. We 10 times our fears by going, well if I do it, I'll regret it. And so we gotta just like other things. We have to flip this a little bit and we have to go, oh, okay, well what if, what if I do positive things so that I don't have negative regrets versus saying well I don't want to do that because I would experience negative regret. Does that make sense? So what positive things can you do so you don't have regret versus fearing something and stopping so you don't have regret. Meaning Most people use regret the wrong way. They use regret as a reason to not do something. I don't want to do that because I'll regret it versus I'm going to do those things so I don't have regret, right? Many of you guys know my story from my car accident as a 19 year old kid. Part of the reason I live so courageously and boldly and I put myself out there so much all the time is because I don't want to get to the end of my life and.

Say, you know what?

I served half a because I was scared. I don't get the end of my life and regret. Going through so many days not present. Going through so many days just going through the motions. Going through so many days not engaged with my passions, my enthusiasms, my loves, my people. Like, I don't want to be that guy who's rocking on the Rocket chair saying, I wish I woulda, shoulda, coulda at the end of my life. So I take positive daily actions to avoid that type of experience. Does it make sense? And then I would also say, same thing with regret and ruin. They're really connected so closely in that we think, well, you know, I don't want to get to the end of my life. Wish I would have, should have, could have, and act like there's still not a tomorrow. The ideal of hope for a better tomorrow is one of the great deconstructors of fear. Because most of our fear is tied to. There's a block there, like, fear introduces, like, this black wall in front of us, and we forget. On the other side, there's all this open field of freedom, and we just keep thinking our fear, like, narrows our view so tightly that we forget that there's tomorrow. So people, their regrets are held so close. Like, I don't want to do that because I'll regret that, and it'll be irrecoverable. And I'm just like, well, when you have a learning mindset, there's not much regret. Like, just like, I don't have a lot of disappointment. I also don't have a lot of regret because I was like, oh, I did that. Didn't work out. Darn it, okay. Shouldn't have done that. Learn, adjust behavior, right? A lot of people who struggle with concerns. And here's a tell if you're a person who, like, if regret is driving you, if this year you also felt a lot of guilt, guilt is a great tell that you have a psychological propensity for the fear of regret. They're like, you know, twins. It's just like people who have lots of fear of regret also tend to have high psychological concern for guilt. Like, they're guilty, they feel guilty all the time. I feel guilty, I feel guilty, I feel guilty, I feel guilty. And so, guess what? I don't want to do anything else because I'll regret it. Because I already feel bad about myself. So why take an action? I feel so bad about myself. Why take an action? And so their regret has become something that has stopped them. Their guilt is something that adds on to that. And now they're immobilized because of high fear of regret and psychological guiltiness. And so what I tell people, I say, look, if you got a lot of guilt, there's the simplest ways out, right? The simplest ways out of guilt. I mean, the path out of guilt starts at the path of forgiveness for yourself, for other people. And I also tell this people this. We think of forgiveness often as forgiveness of just ourselves, which you should do. I mean, you got to let it go. You, you, you can't advance with all the baggage of self hate. You got to let that stuff go. And so what I tell people is as much as we fear that, like, I'm going to, you know, I'm going to regret and I have a lot of guilt and they don't let that go, and they think forgiveness is just about themselves and others, I also go, you know what? Forgive yesterday. You weren't as wise or intentional or thoughtful as you could be today. And remember, that's the ideal of hope. I go, oh, I don't have to regret yesterday. I don't have to be guilty about.

Yesterday because you know what?

I'm better today. I learned from that. I'm telling you, the learning mindset is the great release of fear. Because as soon as you approach it, it's like, I'm going to learn through it and get better now. The fear doesn't stop you anymore because you don't say, well, I'm going to get stuck here or stuck here, or this will happen forever. The forever goes away when you finally step into the realization that there is hope, there is a tomorrow. Because you know what? I think one side of regret would be to have lived your whole life with a bleak outlook because you'll get to the end and you go, I didn't appreciate it. I didn't appreciate all those days I had. I didn't appreciate all the second chances I had. Every time I woke up a new Monday morning, I didn't appreciate it. I missed the whole ride. You know, I stood in line for the ride of life the whole time. I never got on the ride. I was just a waiter, I was just a watcher. I was just, I never really engaged. That's real regret. And I can share with that because I've been there in hospices with people in the last weeks, hours, minutes of their life. And if there is regret, it's usually a lack of full engagement with life. I didn't really show up. I didn't appreciate what I had. So if you got a lot of regret, you got to learn to forgive the guilt, forgive the bad days, and start appreciating today again. Because you know what? When you fall in love with the moment, when you fall in love with this opportunity you have, when you really appreciate the now, then there's not a lot of room for fear in that, right? In that deep feeling of Appreciation. It's hard for fear to edge itself in. So let go of the regret concerns, my friend. There's a tomorrow and it's gonna be amazing. Last piece, number four. This is what we really fear. Responsibility. We fear that we are actually very responsible for our lives. It's like that great Marianne Williamson quote you've ever heard, right? The thing we fear so much. She was basically saying, I don't remember the exact quote, but she was basically that, you know, we're not so much afraid that we're inadequate. We're actually fearful of our full power. Because what would that really bring out in us? What would that say if we were fully responsible for the outcomes in our life? What would it say if we had more power than we were actualizing in life? That's scary. People are scared of responsibility. And in very tactical ways, like if I said to you, hey, I'm going to make you responsible for.

Let's say you own a small business.

And I say, I'm going to make you responsible for 50 more employees and all of their mortgages. A lot of people, oh, my God, right? Total terror to be responsible for other people's lives, right? Or other people's mortgages or other people's whatevers. And so responsibility is scary to people, right? I mean, look at any, any great personal development teacher at the base of everything they teach is personal responsibility or what used to be called self reliance, that sense of personal power that says I am in command of my life doesn't mean you're in command of everything that happens to you in life, but you are in command of your responses. And what we are scared of is that we won't show up as our best self to deal with those demands, right? We're scared of taking full responsibility for everything because what would that say about our lives? But I take full responsibility for everything in my life. It doesn't mean I believe I caused everything. Does that make sense? So, Law of Attraction, people, calm down. One second. Take a breather. I'm not saying you attracted cancer, babe. I'm not saying you attracted that mean person. I'm not saying you attracted the bankruptcy, right? A lot of that bad teaching early on in the days of the new Law of Attraction was just misguided because there's lots of things that happen to us that are cosmic, chaotic, weird things that we can't explain or we'll never be able to understand. It's things that we didn't attract. We didn't want to happen. They happen.

And it wasn't because you had bad character or you were a negative person or you'd done something bad.

Look, bad things happen to good people. If you haven't read it, it's a great book, how good people deal with bad things. But I would also share with you that ultimately we are responsible for our responses. We are responsible for the people who we become. Maybe you didn't ask for that cancer. You are responsible for how you are going to deal with that. And for those who go, well, that's too flippant to say. I'm like, I just remind you, go back and read some Viktor Frankl man's search for meaning. He said it best. He said, the last of the human freedoms is the ability to choose one's own attitude. They can take away everything else, but they can't take away how you respond in mind. And when you know that, that gives you great power and responsibility in life. And so when you feel like a victim, this is one of your great fears, you might not call it that, you might not recognize it. And I just go, oh, you're scared of responsibility. I say this to people all the time who say, brennan, I have a big dream. I go, have you told your family, your friends, the people around you what your big dream is? Well, no. I said, well, you're dealing with this and you're dealing with this. You're scared that by putting it out there, you won't be able to handle the pressure, you won't be able to handle the demands. That's fear of responsibility. I'm fearful that I won't be able to be response able to deal with the stuff. And I'm just like, there's a tomorrow you can learn. Like, I have extreme personal power because I have hope. I have extreme personal power because I have optimism for tomorrow. I have extreme personal power because I look at the areas of my life on a weekly basis and I say, where have I been stuck? Where am I fearful? What can I do this next week as the next right action of integrity, Everything we've talked about. Because here you flip all of these. Watch what happens in your life, right? You flip rejection to doing the things that will bring greater connection in your life. Watch the quality of your life go up. You stop worrying about what will be ruined and you start remembering that there's always a tomorrow and you have hope and optimism and you just always ask, okay, there's not ruin. What's my next right action of integrity? And you keep moving forward even through the disasters of life. Watch the courage that enters your heart there. Watch the confidence that comes in when you keep moving through the storm. Guess what happens when regrets is free. You let that go, you're gone. You're not not worried about the regret of if I do this, maybe things will turn out bad. And you said, okay, what would I need to do so I don't experience regret at the end of my life? What positive actions could I take to live a life of my own so I don't have regret, so I'm proud of my life because pride on the other side of regret feels good then responsibility? What would you say instead of saying, well, what if I can't handle it or what if I'm not responsible, you said, you know what? I'm totally responsible for this. I am able to shape this gu, this, change this, make it better. Now you're really stepping in your personal power. And when you move through these things on just a very tactical weekly basis, you're aware of these fears and you start flipping them. You start flipping them, you start flipping them, you start flipping them, you get in this rhythm and all of a sudden you say, wow, I feel really courageous in my life. And that's when you start making your greatest contributions. Hey guys, it's Brandon.

I'm jumping in here real quick. First, I want to make sure you've gone to progressmode.com to join the newsletter because I have a resource for you related to this episode and and I have an upcoming meetup with my private group, Ultra. If you've ever liked to be in a private group with me where I help you get more progress towards your passion projects or to build your business or your brand in a bigger way, just go to progressmo.com, click on Private group to apply to. See you can get into Ultra and we can take it to the next level by getting in person and meeting up virtually once a month online as well, just go to Progress mode.

Hey all, it's Brendan. And in this episode we're going to talk about something that came up way more often than I ever imagined after we launched our study of high performers worldwide. And as much as I've taught people how to succeed and taught them to master their mindset, taught them the habits that we know literally lead to long term success. I cannot believe the number of people who wrote in or asked throughout this year those last 12 months, like, hey, Brendan, like, I know what to do, but I kind of suffer sometimes from imposter syndrome. You know, I feel like I'm going through the motions, but I don't feel like I'm, you know, worth it or I don't feel like I can see myself succeeding like other people did. I feel like I'm faking it sometime. Like, what do you do if you ever deal with imposter syndrome? And amazingly, I love to share with people. That was kind of part of the story that one of the persons who I interviewed for high performance habits, which.

I hope you guys all have, that.

This woman was dealing with where she felt like she just couldn't really break through. And she knew achievement wasn't her problem.

But alignment was her problem.

You know, she knew how to get stuff done, but she really wasn't getting stuff done in an alignment with her true character, her true beliefs, her true values, the things that really lit her up and made her happy and succeeding. She kind of felt like she was going through the motions sometimes or copying other people. And that imposter syndrome also sometimes made her not feel confident enough to put herself out there because she thought, who am I? Or I can't compare with them. Or that imposter syndrome really sort of bled into her work where she felt like, well, you know what? This isn't going to work for me. I don't really belong here. And so if you've ever felt any.

Of that, this is the episode for you.

I've got some notes here. I've been thinking about this quite a bit. I as we head into this time of year where a lot of people are looking back to this year, last 12 months, and I'd like to ask.

You, do you feel like you really.

Lived your most authentic, vibrant, true, passionate, productive you? Do you feel like sometimes you were faking it till you made it? Do you feel like sometimes you just didn't belong? Even if you were successful or you're doing good things, you felt like, well, I'm not like them.

I don't really belong here. If that's true for you, then I'd.

Really love for you to take some notes on this episode. I'm trying to change up how we're doing these kind of get in your face a little bit more, do a little bit more coaching as you guys have been requesting. Obviously, we have products and programs for that. Those links are also in this post somewhere. But I felt like just taking on this imposter syndrome for you. And it was a struggle. I had to take some notes because I'm going to be honest, I don't think I ever felt that the way that most people talk to me about it and partially that Was because I was young, dumb and naive when I began in this industry, right, in this industry, you know that it's a fairly young industry. You know, I started doing major online courses and development in terms of like personal professional development online and teaching that as far back as 2006, which was really early.

You gotta remember that's like before the iPhone.

That was a long time ago. That was when most people would like cancel something or refund something that I gave them, not because the quality, but because the buffer speed on the video is really big. So I kind of lucked out to begin in this industry when there really, it was like the wild west.

There weren't many of us.

I was like one of the pioneers in personal online courses, like personal development online courses, like way early. So I didn't enter an industry where there were a lot of super established people outside of like, there were major authors, there were some major motivational speakers, there were some people who were doing seminars, but social media wasn't there yet. And this whole world where we have influencers all over Instagram now, like all day long, you can swipe through them. I didn't feel like I was competing with them. So I know that might sound like big headed to say I didn't feel imposter syndrome, but, but I just didn't because I began something that was really fresh. I also had the benefit of being naive enough to just do my own thing without really at the very beginning seeking out other role models and mentors. I didn't have a peer set. I started with nothing. I was bankrupt. So I wasn't around other people where I could compare myself all day and ask whether I belonged. I just had this passion and I was just gonna give everything into this passion and not worry about what other people thought and not worried even about how I felt. I was just gon do the hard work, show up and make it happen. And so that might be part of my message to you today. If you have that imposter syndrome, like stop worrying about whether you belong. I always tell millennials, especially a lot.

Of folks who I get to coach.

At that age, successful entrepreneurs and startup founders in Silicon Valley especially, I tell them, hey, listen, stop asking whether or not you belong and start asking whether or not you're being of service. Like part of the imposter syndrome comes from the selfie syndrome. Like just thinking about myself, am I right? Do I really fit in? Am I good enough? Am I worthy enough? And it's I, I, I, I, I, worry, worry, worry. It's from this selfie generation where we're all, like, you know, like, taking pictures of ourselves and thinking about how we portray ourselves all the time. And how do I portray myself? Does it fit in with everything else? And because it doesn't, I don't feel like I belong. Part of it's like, stop asking if you belong. Start asking if you're being of absolute service every day. Because if you feel like you're being absolute service every day, you're not going to worry whether you fit in as much. You're going to worry whether you're getting the job done right.

You're going to worry whether or not.

You'Re actually contributing value. Because I think one part of the imposter syndrome is that people don't feel like they're adding value. And if they're really honest, they know they're not. And because they're not adding value, they feel like, gosh, this isn't right for me, or I'm faking it. And the fact is, they are. So let's talk about four ways to deal with this. Number one, if you have the imposter syndrome and it's firing off and you don't feel like you belong, or you feel like you're faking it and you don't, like, you don't deserve it or you're not worthy, well, then job number one is stop faking it. Start asking how can you do what you're doing in a way that you feel like is authentic, real, and adding real value the way that you would do it. Stop trying to do it every day like the way everyone else is doing. Because that's what faking it ultimately is. It's like you're just conforming and you're copying and you're doing what other people like what they're doing. And no wonder you feel like crap. Because if you show up every day and you live like a copy, you're never going to feel that vibrancy comes from personal freedom. That comes from personal authenticity. That comes from knowing, like, this day is mine. Because if you live each day as another person, you never get that gift of this day's mine. I got it. This is real for me. And so you, of course you feel like a fake and a phony because you're showing up running everybody else's playbook, trying to fit into everybody else's thing.

And I'm here to tell you, listen.

I know I'm being a little hard sometimes in my videos, but I'm here to, like, I do that because I'm cheering you on. I know that no matter who you are and where you're watching this or when you're listening to this, I know this about you. You've got, like, a bottomless level of potential.

Like, you have the ability to figure.

Things out and live life on your terms and add a level of value into the world that I can't do that anybody else you follow, like, watch. They can't do because they're not you. They haven't lived uniquely in your shoes. They haven't studied what you study or observe what you have observed or dealt with, everything that you've dealt with or. Or had the same exact aspirations and dreams. There's 7 billion people on the planet. We're all unique. And so you've got to say, okay, if I feel like imposter here, what would my truth be in this space if I stepped away and I just, like, what would be real for me to do your job, one is to stop faking it, stop conforming, stop copying, and say, how would I do this? And add a unique value that I'm passionate about, and that helps immediately break some of that. Imposter syndrome number two. If you feel like you are experiencing imposter syndrome number two is stop avoiding difficulties. What happens is, because you don't feel like you belong, or you don't feel like it's real for you, or you don't deserve that level of success, you back off. And your primary strategy is avoidance. You start avoiding those difficult tasks each day that actually give you momentum and progress towards the thing so you can feel it and integrate it and know it is you.

Right?

You're not getting that momentum forward on the things that matter. So you're not getting that identity that says, wow, this is me. I am making this happen. Instead, you're observing it and you're avoiding it. And so as you see people do great things or you avoid the difficult hardships, your psychology starts saying, hey, you're full of crap. You're not even trying. You're not even doing it. You know what? Yeah, you showed up here, but you're just going through the motions and you're not taking on the tough stuff. And here's the weird thing. If you're not getting momentum, you won't have the mindset of authenticity. Like, if you're just kind of like kicking tires or dipping your toe in the water, your brain goes, I'm fake.

This isn't real.

You'll always feel like an imposter if you don't get Real momentum. When you get real momentum, your brain goes, hey, this is us. We're doing this. This is real. And the identity of an achiever in that space that you are in, like, starts firing. And now it starts feeling real. You're like, wow, I got this. I'm doing this. This is good. And the imposter syndrome starts going away. The third big idea to help you do exactly that and to deal with imposter syndrome is to work daily goals. You cannot keep showing up random to so many days of your life because in reaction, we feel smaller. In reaction, we feel constrained and constricted by the world. We feel like things are unfair. In reaction, we're less motivated. In reaction, we won't break through. So you gotta have goals built out that you're moving towards. That does give you that identity of achievement and the identity of realness that says, hey, I'm doing this. And so here's what I need you to do. I need you to look at the next 12 months, and I need to set at least five big goals for this next year. Then I want you to break each of those five goals down into five different deadlines for each quarter. Meaning, like, if you've got one goal for the year, I want you to set down a deadline for quarter four, quarter three, quarter two, quarter one, so that today, as you go out these next 12 months as an example, you go, okay, in quarter one, I'm going to achieve this deadline that's going to help me move towards this goal by the end of the year. Quarter two, I'm going to achieve this deadline that will help me move even closer. Quarter three, even closer, quarter four, we've achieved it.

Make sense?

So you're busting down quarterly goals or quarterly deadlines. Then you're saying, okay, what does that mean? What are the major activities I need to do each week leading into that and then each day leading to that? Just work it backwards, my friend. Because you know, when you don't have confidence, when you don't have clarity. So if you're like, I want to do it and I'm kind of doing it and things are going okay, but I still feel like it's not real for me and I don't like it. Partially the reason is you just don't know what to do. And when we don't know what to do, when we lack competence, we also lack confidence. Right? We're always talking about this in my high performance work.

Hopefully you read this in high performance habits.

It's that issue of the competence, confidence, Loop. And we're not going to get you more competent if you don't try new things, which requires confidence. And if you try new things, you learn more, which gives you confidence. So it's this loop, right? And I think it's really important that you understand if you're not working goals every day, if you're just reacting and doing tasks, fulfilling everybody else's needs, that's going to eat away, even if you have a lot of success, even if you're doing great. And that's where I really tell people, you know when the imposter syndrome really sucks is when you're actually getting ahead. You are doing good things, like, things are happening, but you still don't feel like you're worthwhile. And that's happening because you're not celebrating those goals along the way. You're doing everything, but you're never, ever feeling everything. So it's not like the winds aren't being integrated into your identity to make you feel like, oh, this is real. I deserve this because I looked at what was forward, I measured it, I broke it down. I judiciously, conscientiously, moved forward. Like, if we don't know that we are, like, conscientiously with real discipline moving forward and gaining momentum because we chose it, we willed it, then it's easy to look around and go, yeah, I'm with these other people, but I don't feel like I belong because, you know, they must have really earned it. And I just kind of lucked into it. Because if you feel you lucked into it, that imposter syndrome will always be there. Listen, I feel deeply grateful that I've achieved the level of successes that I've wanted in my life and with my.

Books or my courses or everything else.

And I'm still learning, but I can be deeply grateful. But know that I earned this path, that I honored every single struggle, that I architected it out, that I built, the strategies that, yeah, lots of failings happened, and Grace opened up and I got, you know, blessings and benefits. Yeah, there's some luck peppered in there, too. But also, I showed up every single day, and I decided what I was gonna do that day. And because I did that, I decided it, and I stayed disciplined. I don't feel fake. I don't feel like I'm an imposter. I'm like, I earned my way in this spot. And sometimes I wish that, you know, the spot was more abundant, more amazing, more awesome, more connected, just like anybody else. But I don't question the Work that went into it. Yeah. Sometimes I wish I was further along just like anybody else, but I can go, you know what? I earned my way into this position. And if you can't say you earned it, of course you feel like an imposter. Fourth, big idea. And this is really important. It's so simple to help overcome that feeling of the imposter thing. Part of the feeling of the imposter thing is you don't feel the outcome of your work. And so I want you to start visualizing and meditating on the actual outcome of your contributions. So as an example, if you're a new team member of a new company.

And you're just like, gosh, I don't really belong here.

I don't feel like I'm here, I want you to stop. Stop. Every time you feel that imposter syndrome come in, I want you to close your eyes, and I want you to visualize yourself doing something. And I want you to visualize yourself experiencing, celebrating, seeing, sensing the outcome of the thing. For example, like, for me, I began my career writing books and doing seminars. And, you know, I remember being with a group of speakers one time, and they had really, like, they'd done a bunch of seminars, and they were really along the way, and I'd only done one or two, and I didn't do them well. I went broke doing them. I had no idea what I was. And I thought, oh, my gosh, do I belong with these guys? Like, can I play at their level in the seminar game? And I remember that doubt coming in. And I remember specifically, I talked with a bunch of them, and we were all in this, like, big hotel ballroom. I went over, I got in the hotel elevator, and I closed my eyes and just said, brendan, just see it, man. And I forced myself to see myself standing in front of a thousand people in a hotel ballroom for multiple days and just like, teaching and training and coaching and interacting and having fun and jumping and clapping. And I just kept. I was like, how would that feel? And I allowed myself to feel it, and what would it look like? And I'd, like, get little details. And I went up. It was maybe 10 floors in that building. And I'll tell you what, from the doubtful kid who entered on floor zero to the kid who walked out on 10th floor, I felt, like 1,000ft high. Like, I felt so good, you know, because I felt it. And so much of the imposter syndrome is you're just kind of, like, analytically, like, questioning yourself, and you're like, digging yourself in a hole and you're doubting yourself and you're letting your own thoughts poison you versus fuel you. And there's a visualization or a meditation that could be your savior. And that is just anytime you feel it, take a break, go lay down or sit down, close your eyes, see it, feel it, sense it, and make it more real. Because the reason you feel like you're an imposter is because it feels fake. So make yourself feel, physically feel and see the outcome of your good works. That might be like if you're gonna start a new non profit, like see and experience yourself. Like, okay, you're building that school and okay, you're opening the doors and the kids are going in and they're getting their first books. And like you built a school. Like of course you feel like a fake when you start a non profit cause you don't know what you're doing. But if you do these things, you ask how you authentically can do it. You don't avoid the difficult at work, you work daily goals and you constantly keep visualizing and feeling it, visualizing and feeling it. I promise you my friend, do these things and you'll stop feeling as much as imposter and you'll start getting real momentum. I keep saying it, you are stronger than you think and the future holds good things for you. So trust in yourself, honor the struggle, get to work. My friends, these next 12 months, they're yours.