Mashup - This Is My Best Advice for Anyone Going Through Hardships
9 Dec 2022 · 40 min
In this extensive podcast episode, Brendon Burchard shares a framework for navigating life’s toughest moments—loss, grief, tragedy, and everyday stress—by cultivating conscious anticipation, acceptance, and purposeful future visualization. He begins by urging listeners to mentally prepare for inevitable hardships, arguing that pre‑emptive peace makes us more centered when shocks occur. Burchard critiques the traditional five‑stage model of grief, emphasizing that grief is non‑linear and uniquely personal. He illustrates his points with personal stories, notably his father's sudden diagnosis of acute myeloid leukemia, describing how prior contemplation of mortality helped him find calm and avoid regret. He addresses caregiver guilt, encouraging self‑compassion and the acknowledgment that we do the best we can in the moment. The discussion then shifts to the psychological phenomenon of dread that arises when we lose connection to an exciting future, contrasting it with the energizing power of anticipation and excitement. Burchard proposes a daily practice of visualizing future events—big or small—to rebuild that forward‑looking energy, offering concrete tactics such as calendar planning, family discussions, and personal reflection. Throughout, he blends philosophical insights, military training analogies, and practical coaching advice, urging listeners to accept the present, control what they can, and continuously re‑orient toward a hopeful, imagined future.
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We are way more capable of being centered than when we don't anticipate it. I'm not saying there will not be shock. I am not saying there won't be heartache. I am not saying there won't be incredible like fear or denial or regret or sadness. But what I'm suggesting to you now is find peace with the inevitable. If we can find peace with the inevitable in advance, we are more able to cope. Hey, my friends, it's Brendan Burchard. Thanks for joining me this morning for a very important topic as we discuss some of difficult, difficult topics of life. Those topics of loss, of grief, of dealing with tragedy, difficulty, struggle, loneliness, of how do we carry on when bad things happen? How do we find strength and grace and peace in some of the most difficult situations and moments of our lives? That's a big topic today. I encourage you today to enter and frame this conversation in your own mind, to develop your own mindset and attitude towards these conversations before we even have them. Because that is one secret, in fact, to dealing with difficulties of life. To set our minds in advance, to set our intentions in advance, to think through and contemplate, how will I cope with that? How will I face that? How will I endure that? That, ultimately, is one of the great strengths of consciousness, of presence, of intention, of anticipation that allows us to deal with some of the worst issues of life. So let's enter this as a community positive to have a beautiful conversation. Let's do it from a perspective of knowing that we're going to deal with some unpleasant emotions that might come up. And let's face that willingly, with trust and faith and gratitude, because I'll share one thing that's beautiful about loss and grief, and that is you only experience those things and feel those things. If you had something and you were connected to something that you enjoyed, something that you felt was important, something that was beautiful, something that was meaningful to you, and so you had a sense of meaningful connection and something maybe shifted or changed. But that was a beautiful gift. I do want to set the stage a little bit more, too, because I probably have a different perspective about this conversation that many of you have heard about. You know, and I know I got a lot of questions in advance. Are you going to talk about the five stages of grief and no, I'm not. If you've studied Elizabeth Kubler Ross or the work or the ideals behind the five stages of grief, if you haven't heard of that work before, the idea that there's these five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I'm more of the mind of which that of Elizabeth, who came up with that idea and wrote about that so compellingly towards the end of her life. She mentioned that she wished that it had never been framed as stages, because as she wrote about and spoke about towards the end of her life as a theorist and a person who had given hospice care, she thought, you know, I wish everyone didn't think there were these stages you're supposed to go through. You know, some of you, you feel like you're supposed to feel great by now. You feel like, well, I should have moved through these stages, I should be okay by now. And some of the greatest moments of grace that you ever allow yourself in life is the grace of time, the grace of allowing. Everything I'm going to share with you today is just by nature going to be a generic nature. Everyone will cope differently. And if you're still struggling through and you think, geez, I should be in the stage of acceptance by now, I want to let you know, the person who literally came up with the idea of the five stages of grief wished it wasn't called stages because she thought everyone deals with it differently. It's not sequential. These things become circular in time. And not everybody feels all of these emotions either, right? The people who I've lost in my life, I've never yet had the sense of anger toward. I didn't have a sense of anger that that thing happened. I didn't have anger towards my father dying. And I know that might sound completely crazy to people, but that was an emotion that I experienced with death, partially because the way that I have faced mortality throughout my life, not everyone goes through all these stages. So I want to set that frame off the bat. Everybody copes differently. There's no right or wrong way to experience loss. There is, however, a healthy way to re engage life. We know from 50 years of psychological study, and you all know it inherently and innately, that there are ways that we cope that are healthy, and there are ways that don't make us feel good. There are things that we do that can lead to less ability to continue on with life in a happy way. One of the most important and powerful frames I can give you for loss and grief above all else and above everything else, is conscious anticipation. Conscious anticipation. Consciousness or awareness in life is so important if we are going to cope well. And what we usually mean when we speak about that, especially with loss and grief, is having the ability to anticipate that it will happen, okay, that it will happen, that if you haven't faced your own mortality and your own death yet. I deeply invite you to do that at some point. Face your mortality, your own personal mortality. Most people have never had a conversation about death in their own mind with themselves, let alone contemplating that maybe they would lose a parent one day, or a sibling one day, or a job one day. In other words, in a spiritual practice, we would talk about this as a concept of awareness to impermanence. You've heard that phrase before, awareness to impermanence, that nothing is permanent. That in a lot of spiritual principles you might think of, well, what is permanent maybe is if. If it's God or if it's universe or it's the dao or the way that there might be something, spirit that is permanent. But in the human experience, in our natural world, things are impermanent. Can you face that? Can you face that? Can you anticipate that? Let me switch metaphors for you real quickly. As many of you know, I do this for a living. I talk to groups of people all the time. I'm out on social media all the time. And I talk with so many influencers, so many people who want to be leaders and who are building up their brands and their careers, and they're shocked, shocked when someone judges them on the Internet. They're amazed when someone posts a negative just mean comment. They can't believe it. Can you believe this person posts this mean thing? On my video, I spent months on, on my life's work, I posted a message that's beautiful about my family, and this person attacked me. Can you believe it? I'm like, yes. Why are you surprised? It's called the Internet. Anyone ever been surprised you got a mean attack on the Internet? Well, I tell my peers all the time. I'm like, please don't be surprised that some. That is something that I guarantee that will happen if you are commuting, if you are driving to work or you are driving somewhere and you are cut off by somebody in traffic and you go into a rage about it. I'm like, you were surprised. And I know these are simple and simplistic and almost silly metaphors here, but I just want to switch your mind into that anticipatory power that we all have that when we actually anticipate, oh, this is going to happen, we are way more capable of being centered than when we don't anticipate it. I'm not saying there will not be shock. I am not saying there won't be heartache. I am not saying there won't Be incredible, like fear or denial or regret or sadness. But what I'm suggesting to you now is find peace with the inevitable. If we can find peace with the inevitable in advance, we are more able to cope. Switching metaphors again. I have so many. We have a lot of people in this group here who served in the military before. And as you know, I've been blessed to coach some of the highest level groups in the military across all branches. And the way that they deal with what is about to come, when it is just like one of the most difficult missions or projects or tours of their lifetime, is they rehearse it over and over and over and over again in their mind and in practice and in the field, they get comfortable with what is going to be an uncomfortable, unpleasant, potentially terrorizing situation. I don't pretend that's easy. And that's one reason I love the military. Their willingness to do what is incredibly difficult, to protect the freedoms that we all enjoy. But I will share. There's some kind of power in that. And I had that when I was a 19 year old kid and I had my car accident. It forced me to face death. Any fans here of philosophy? Anyone ever read philosophy? Boy, I've never really gotten to the study of philosophy. I hope you will and you'll know Chapter one in all of philosophy, almost across all philosophers in the history of the world. Chapter one, if we could generalize, says, you're going to die. Now let's talk about life. That's like the fundamental of philosophy. So I read so much, I got comfortable with the fact that I was going to lose people and there was going to be loss in life anticipation. Now, I know this does not sound really like motivating, but that's not the point here. The point is to say, can we anticipate it? When I received the call from my dad letting me know that he had been just diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, out of nowhere, he woke up, was lacking some balance as he walked down the hallway. It was Mother's Day of 2009. So he woke up on Mother's Day, didn't feel good. Mom said, what's wrong with you? So I don't feel good. He's kind of unbalanced. The weeks before, he's playing golf and racquetball and bowling. He's healthy. All of a sudden something's wrong, doesn't get better. They go to the hospital. Within a few hours he's sitting with two doctors who are looking at his blood work and then do some more tests, and they let him know he has seven days to live. And they say, you have aml, acute myeloid leukemia. There's two types of leukemia. AML is the one that usually takes the person quickly. And they said, you have seven days. Because what happens is you're creating blood that's not good, and ultimately it shuts down your organs. I know I could go deeper into that. But those who know what I'm talking about with leukemia, it strikes fast. So he had seven days. As soon as he told me that, I said, okay. And I was in shock, and I wanted to deny it, and I had fear. And that comes from shock. When you hear news that you didn't anticipate or something happens you didn't anticipate, you're gonna have a shock reaction. And for me, I was shocked about it at first, and those emotions come in. And by the end of the conversation, though, as I felt those emotions come up, I also was releasing them because I'd already contemplated my father's passing years earlier in journaling activities of how I would think of the passing of people. And I know that sounds almost fatalistic, but, you know, have you ever heard that saying, you don't want to leave things unsaid? I was reading a book one time and said, you know what? Contemplate the passing of people who are important in your life so that you don't leave things unsaid. So that you think of, like, wow, what if this person. What if this is my last moment with this person? If this was my last moment with this person, what would I love to say to them and communicate to them, and don't leave those things unsaid. Now, I know that's difficult because all of us have had situations where someone has passed or know someone who's passed and things were unsaid. And that is incredibly unsettling. It brings up shock, and it brings up regret, and it brings up sadness, which we'll talk about those emotions. But also in this moment, in the here and now. Listen, none of us can take back whatever has happened in our lives, right? Whatever has happened, has happened. It is as it was. As it is. We are here. We are here now. And all we can do moving forward together as a group is anticipate moving forward. We can't. Like, this is not a thing where I'm going to try to be on a healing journey of the things of the decades past for any of us, because we all heal in our own time, in our own ways. But I'm here to Say it's incredibly powerful if we can contemplate mortality and anticipate it and go, wow, what should I say to my kids? What should I say to my loved ones? Let me make sure I take care of people and treat people in ways that I don't regret and that things are said. One reason I was at peace, because my father had already said everything he'd said needed to say to me. I was lucky on that. I'd already said everything I needed to say. Now we just had to go through the process with honor and integrity and respect and love of end of life and not deny it. Face it, my dad faced it with a positive attitude. He knew it was coming. They told him, you have seven days. He's a Marine. So he made it 59 days. Good job, dad. And he fought with great, great attitude. I just couldn't believe it. I kept waiting for his attitude to sour. Never did. Couldn't believe it. He anticipated the end and he anticipated how he wanted to face it. And it was incredible. And I was lucky to witness that. And I want to let you know I've also witnessed the complete opposite in care before, been with families where it was the opposite and that wasn't right or wrong either. It is. People cope with the end of life is the way that they can. And for those of you who've cared for someone at the end of their lives, I want to let you know that caregiver guilt is something that if you are facing it or you've ever faced it, that's okay, that's entirely normal. And that you need to grant yourself the peace of knowing you did the best you could at the time with what you knew. You know, I've had the blessing of working with a lot of medical professionals, doctors and hospice care workers who talk about this. Gosh, I wish I could. You know, we all wish we could take back time and go change things. We can't. And so today, grant yourself the peace and the gift of knowing you did the best that you could at the time that you knew how to do. They did the best they knew that they could. I wish, you know, that was the first time I've ever cared for somebody personally for months on end with leukemia. I wish I knew more about leukemia. At the time. I didn't know. I didn't know. So some things I would have done differently and dad would have done differently and my family would have done differently. We did the best we could and so did dad. And I want to let you know that no matter what you have dealt with in grief in the past. Your family or others loss, Losing a job, your divorce, your. Your breakup, your loss of job. Listen, you were as conscious as you were at that moment. You did what you could and you need to give yourself grace because please listen to me, my friends. At that time, you were in shock and you were coping. And if you just need a little science from Brendon right now, Let me drop some science on you. A stunning fact that when people are in shock or coping, they don't always perform at their highest level, best. Oh my gosh. Did the performance guy just tell us that and say it's okay? Yes. I'm letting you know it's okay that you weren't absolutely phenomenal and perfect and other people around you weren't absolutely and phenomenal and perfect. It's okay if you were getting divorced and the two of you fought and it's okay if you're getting fired and you screamed at your boss. It's okay. Whatever happened, you now must go. I accept it as it was. I'm at peace with what it was. I did the best I knew how at the time. And even if you don't believe you did the best as you could at the time, it doesn't matter. Because yesterday's darkness didn't rise with the sun today. You're in a new moment. You're in a new moment. Your cells are new right now. This spirit, this energy, if you take a deep breath in, that air you're breathing that's fresh. But I want to let you know we are in the here and now. Take grace and connection with the moment for yourself. We've all had pain. We've all had sadness. We can allow the moment now to refresh us. A moment now to have a new feeling, a new emotion, a new sense about ourselves, a new belief about ourselves, a new faith in ourselves, a new faith in the world right now. This is a new moment. And with new moments, there are second chances. And with new second chances, there's new abilities to begin anew. But even if we don't begin anew, to allow ourselves the peace and the grace of the moment. So important, you know, if you think about anticipation being something that's really powerful, I also want to share. Acceptance is really powerful. To accept ourselves as we are now, no matter what has happened to us, to accept life as it is now, even if it's not perfect, to be in a ready state of acceptance is really powerful. To be accepting. When your kids act out and they're freaking out and they're angry. To be accepting when your team doesn't get it right. To be accepting when the project falls apart. To be accepting when the video doesn't get the likes. You want just to be allowing and surrendering to the outcomes of life and face them as they are. Identifying what are the controllable variables here, what's not controllable, and asking for the grace of the wisdom to know the difference between the two. There's a lot of things you can't control. Let them go. The things that you can control, you can only control in this moment. So if you didn't control it right in the past, let it go. It's now, uncontrollable now. What are the controllable factors? Living in the now will always be, always be the first sort of gate to enter, to free yourself from pain, to step back into this moment of now. To accept, to realize this is what is. Even if I didn't want it this way, this is what is. And what is is here. Okay, now, how would I like to interpret it? What would I like to do next? These are the power you think of. If you can anticipate things will happen and you can accept as is what the world is, while you also accept your power to shift and shape and control and move things around that you can. That's an uncommon perspective to come into things with, to anticipate them and to accept those two things are so powerful. Hey guys, it's Brandon. I'm jumping in here real quick. First, I want to make sure you've gone to progressmode.com to join the newsletter because I have a resource for you related to this episode and I have an upcoming meetup with my private group, Ultra. If you've ever liked to be in a private group with me where I help you get more progress towards your passion projects or to build your business or your brand in a bigger way. Just go to progressmo.com click on private group to apply to see you can get into Ultra and we can take it to the next level by getting in person and meeting up virtually once a month online as well. Just go to progressmode.com we're just trying to win the day. We're just trying to win the day when it's a struggle. We just want to get through the day. We just want to survive. We want to make sure the kids don't tear each other's arms off. We want to make sure that we got some food in the fridge. We want to make sure the Business isn't falling apart. We want to do all we can to care for other people. And however, I want you to recognize a couple concepts today I'm going to teach you about and you need to always be highly alert to to them to have a conscious and deliberate and high performing life. I really want you to get this, I really want you to tune into these distinctions because I want you to check in right now. I want you to check in where you're at and then we're going to build towards the future. This first idea, when you go into protection, when you go into caretaking, when you go into managing the energy of everybody else and just hoping to make it through the day, what happens is enough days of that and disconnection from the future, this dichotomy starts happening. This challenge, this thing here, dread versus excitement. Even great leaders can start to feel dread about the day. Ugh. Now I'm going to have to go manage more complaints from other people. Ugh. I'm going to have to manage the attitude of my snarky husband. Ugh. I'm going to have to deal with that grumpy person over here. Ugh. I got to answer all those emails. Ugh. So even in the context of abundance, joy, the good positive energy you can have, when every day can start to feel a little Groundhog Day, it can start to feel like dread. Even Bill Murray, one of the most fun people on the planet in Groundhog's Day, starts to have dread. And I want you to be attentive to your energy. Over these last seven days, how many days did you feel a little bit of dread? And I want to share with you, it's okay, because you might not have been aware of that dread. It's not about your life. The dread is not about the kids, it's not about the husband. The dread is not about your health. The dread that comes, that existential dilemma that comes in in times of turmoil. Actually not anything happening right now. It's a disconnection from the future. Sometimes we get it wrong. We think everything around us is wrong. Actually, we just don't have a connection. We don't have something to be excited about. When we don't have something to be excited about, when we don't have that compelling future, that thing to look forward to, that thing to celebrate, that thing to be excited about the week. The day feels like a slog. Even when it's good. Even when it's good. You got a good husband, you got a good job, you got some money coming from the business, you got good opportunities. But in times of crisis, when it feels like a slogan, when there's dread there, it's not that the opportunities are the husband or the kids or the house is wrong. Sometimes you lost connection with what to look forward to. And that was the missing thing. That was a piece of psychology. I mean, I know because I've talked with many of you, I know that sometimes you're just dealing with the stuff right now. And so how are we going to win the year? Today's a pivot. Today you are going to design back into your weeks, back into your months, and back by the end of this year. You are going to design into your days on purpose. Visualization of the future, every day. Visualization of the future every single day. Just as you might meditate every day. I want to turn that into a purposeful, deliberate visualization of something that you are excited about, you are thrilled about, you can't wait to happen. I don't care if it is next week. I don't care if it is a big thing or a small thing. I don't care if it is December 31, 2020. We've got to find those things, and we need more of them than you have been granting yourself in the last 60 days. Many of you have not granted yourself anything to be excited about in the last 60 days. It was more like, God, I got to figure out how to work out here now at home. That kind of sucks. And, oh, I got to figure out this homeschool thing that kind of sucks. And I got to figure out how to deal with this grumpy spouse. That kind of sucks. And there's all this. There's this. That's life. You know, you're dealing with these things. You're like, ah. And dread. We need to build in excitement. We need to build in anticipation, optimism, thrill, adventure. We need to build those things back in. That's how you are going to win this year. You're going to make a pivot right now to institute a new protocol of daily connection with the future. That's your new protocol. Daily connection. Not just listen. This is different than just writing a goal down. No, I want you to see it, feel it, think about it, dream it, visualize it, see it, and build in every single day or week or month, the win, the reward, that thing to celebrate. Now, this can happen on small terms and big terms. Let me give you some examples. Some of you just had that, right? You had, some of you who looked forward to Cinco de Mayo like crazy, okay? Let me tell you about a little win we had this week. Cinco de Mayo down here in Puerto Rico. We've been locked in for so long, and a local store, a local restaurant said, you know what? We're gonna put together a Cinco de Mayo offer for our community. You can come over here and you can pick up a huge tray of tacos and a whole glass bottle of margarita. I will tell you, you thought this place just won 54 NBA championships, 74 Super Bowls, and 100 lotteries all in the same moment. When that email went out and this community got that, it was like the whole place was but something to look forward to. We don't have to cook. We can go pick up stuff. Because I'm not in a place where there's a lot of stuff that delivers to your door. So Denise has been cooking and cooking, and we've been at home, and I was like, we get to go get some stuff. Come. Come back home and celebrate. Have a margarita. Simple win. We look forward to that for three days. Simple. Not a big thing. Not a big thing. But maybe all week you could talk about how with the kids, hey, on Saturday, we're going to go to the park. What toys should we bring? Let's bring a picnic. What would you like us to bring in the picnic basket when we go to the park? How long do you want to stay at the park? What games do you want to play at the park? These conversations of anticipation, it's got to be built in. And listen, I know the mistake. Sometimes we go, well, Brendan, let's wait and see how things turn out. Oh, yeah, Okay. I like this idea, Brendan. Let me plan for October. Let me plan for November. No, this week, the next seven days was something you can look forward to and no, wait for it to hopefully happen. Build it in. You got to build in the rewards, the vibrancy, the adventure, the fulfillment, the daily connection of conversation with your spouse, with your partner about something coming up, even in moments of delay. I'll give another simple example. When we came to Puerto Rico and my dream, as many of you guys know, I know some of you knew the community, but since I was a teenager, I wanted to live in the Caribbean. I had that dream of living on a white, sandy beach with some palm trees, riding, overlooking the ocean, taking daily walks on the beach, running on the beach, swimming in the ocean. I wanted that my whole life. I thought, maybe one day I'll get to a point and I'll retire down in the Caribbean somewhere, you know, because I thought you had to leave the country and I thought you had to go down there. It's like, you know, well point Puerto Rico is a US territory so we didn't have to give up a passport. We still under the same federal guidelines and laws. And I thought, okay, you know what, I came down here, I fell in love with the place. Well, we've been down here for two years and we've been trying to figure out, well, where do we live, what's our vibe and what do we want. Long story short, there was a new development being built and Denise and I decided, okay, let's get on that. It was new construction, it was a new building going to be built and so we purchased and as you can imagine it takes a long time to get things done in the Caribbean. And so we've been waiting and then the pandemic hits. And in the meantime we've been renting places, trying to figure out where we live and waiting for this new construction to finish. Well of course construction completely comes to a halt on non essential things like new construction down here. And so for the last 60 plus days there's been no construction on our future home. And so it's like we're not living where we want and we're just kind of, you know, we're waiting it out. And yet instead of having that as a sense of dread, Denise goes into oh, planning mode. Now we don't know when we're going to get there but we can still plan. So she's already designed every single room, she's already shown me the layouts and everything been still moving forward the pieces that you can, ordering this, getting that light, getting that fan, doing things and same thing. Listen, how many of you had a trip or vacation cancel anyone? You had something you were looking forward to, you had to cancel it. We were looking forward to going to a certain foreign country this year and had to cancel. But guess what, we can still go. Okay, we don't know we're going to do that in September. Now is that going to happen October? We don't have a date, but guess what we can still do well when we get there. What are we going to do when we get there? So we're still researching what are the cool activities we'll do when we go there? What are the adventures we'll have when we go there? Who might we get to invite when we go there? We don't know the date but, but the trip is visual, it's real. We know things we're going to do there and that is a post into the future that we can look forward to, talk, discuss, dream of. It can be that simple. It can be that simple. It can be a place you're going to go, a family outing. But here's what I want to know. Listen, the difference between what I'm talking about. This is not hope and inspiration. This is coaching you to sit down today with a calendar and every single week, build something in that you can look forward to and talk to with your spouse, your partner, your family, your team. Build it in, talk about it, discuss it, get excited about it. That's what you got to do. It's tactical. It's every day I want you to sit there. You know, for me, it's when I wake up in the morning. When I wake up in the morning, I lay in bed for an extra couple minutes and I. And I just visualize and think about things. I'm excited about. Think about the future, think about things. I don't even know how it's going to happen. We're working on a documentary. I have no idea when that's going to get done, no idea when it's going to come out. But I sit there and I imagine scenes that might be in it, conversations might be in it, places we might air it, Just sit and dream about it. I don't get attached to. Does it turn out exactly as how I want it? No, no, no. That's called flexibility, babes. That's adaptability, my friends. That's your ability as a high performer to pivot, to make things happen, to manifest. You can do that. But manifestation comes after visualization. And if you're not manifesting what you're wanting, and if you're not manifesting the energy that you want in your life, I promise there's a disconnection with the future. And it's not because the future doesn't hold promises for you. It's because you haven't made the plans for the future because you're scared they won't come true. I want you to visualize a bigger future for yourself than you ever have before. Not because it's disconnected of the reality of the pandemic right now, but because you have a choice. And it's right here on this card. If you're going through the motions, dread will be there. If you're not visualizing the future, dread will be there. Even if you have good things in the world and you got to do them every single day, dread will be there. But if you build in excitement and you got to figure out what that means for you, psychologically, you got to figure out what that means for you, your family, your spouse, psychologically, emotionally, spiritually. You got to know the answers. I don't know the answers. My job as your coach is give you that prompt, beg you, cajole you, cheer you on, give you that impetus to say, ooh, how do I build excitement back in. Because, dang it, I've been in too much protection zone. Brendan, you're dang right. I've been a little bit myopic, focused right now to handle things, which is good. But listen, I talked to a friend last night who lost everything, laid off 30 employees, been building his dream for 17 plus years. Lost the business. Lost the business. In this. The dread was there. The dread was there. It was real. Day before that, dear friend of mine lost a family member to coronavirus. The dread was there. The grief was there. Both people had to cope. Both people had that feeling of, oh, my gosh. So when I talk about visualization, manifestations and hopes and dreams, I don't do it disconnected from reality. I say, if we don't touch base with that future, if we can't see ourselves moving on when we lose family, if we can't see ourselves rebuilding, if we can't see ourselves with a better future, then what's it going to feel like? And who owns the fact that it feels like that? Because we have that choice. We sometimes just forget the choice and we forget the ability to build that excitement in, to build that in. Because even in the person who lost family members, they could start thinking about, how are we going to honor this person when things come around, when we can get together to celebrate this person's life? How are we going to get together to celebrate this person's life? Let's do that. Let's get together and celebrate this person's life. How can we build things, create things, share things together to celebrate this person's life? Oh, I lost my job. Oh, I lost my business. Okay, what can I be excited about starting anew? Because now there's all this white space. What can I learn? I wanted to learn these things for years. I've wanted to do these specific things. And let me try them now. Let me get excited about those things. I'm not saying that the loss isn't there. And I'm not saying detach from the loss, be unaware, try to stuff it down. I'm saying that can be there and excitement and adventure and joy. The human being is capable of holding extraordinary amounts of emotion, extraordinary ability to expand and feel like there's this myth that you can't be, you know, angry and grateful at the same time. I'm like, oh, that person has never studied emotion ever. Ever. That's not true. It's not true. It's a nice thought. And it reminds us of a dichotomy, of a choice that we get to make. But we can simultaneous emotions and feelings, because they do linger. Sure you can. Absolutely. I can be grateful that I had my father and mad in the same instant that he's dead, sad that he's gone. I can be grateful for an opportunity and sad that I'm not capable ready for it yet. It's okay. We are immense inside. So what I am saying is, it is okay if you feel vulnerable or sad or lost or you are struggling with capability and coping. And that is also, though, why I encourage you to build in those touch points with the future. There is no way, not a single one of you, that I could not emphasize this enough with. I could do four more hours on this topic. But the most important thing I can share with you right now is your reorientation must shift now back to the future.