Motivation Mashup: How to Deal with Negative People in a Productive Way!

See, when I have someone's negative around me, I don't sit there and I don't become a victim. Oh gosh, they're such negative. I don't go home and assume their energy and now I'm negative. Instead I go, you know what? Am I really in command of my emotions or are they? Hello my friends. I'm Brendon Burchard, host of the Brendon show and founder of growthday.com and I'm honored to be your high performance coach today. I believe that every day we can be inspired. We can live with intention and purpose. We can bring the joy and honor, the struggles of each day, to push ourselves to grow, to serve, to be a role model, to lead extraordinary lives. I believe that every day is a great day to grow. Your breakthrough awaits you@growthday.com now let's get to today's episode, my friends. Share this with three friends just like you who are committed to their personal growth. And also be sure to tag me or DM me on Instagram Rendon Burchard so I can say hi. Thanks again for listening. Now let's begin. How do you deal with negative people? Now wait a second. Don't jump anywhere because maybe you think you know the answer to this, but I have a different take on it. Because you know what? Today it's very popular for people to tell you, well, just get rid of negative people. Never be around them. Just be around positive people all the time. But what happens when the negative person is your spouse or your brother or your sister or that guy at work you have to sit next to every day? Dude, what do you do when real life is here and we're not in some la la land of personal development where everybody's positive and perfect? Because you and I both know there are people out there who are very critical, who will be harsh with you, who will try to find every little thing they can to comment about you, or they're always complaining about the weather or the news and just their energy makes you want to just like repel. That's real. And sometimes you can't get rid of those people. And sometimes, in my personal opinion, I don't know, somehow the advice of just get rid of everything in life that you don't like seems a little weak willed, if you know what I mean. You know, it's just like, gosh, yes, it's wonderful that we have this new modern age of ease and convenience and there are lots of options for us. But you know, we also have to develop our Character. So let me tell you my thoughts about number one thing you should do when you got to deal with negative people. Use it. Use their energy. Use that energy they put out there. Use that challenge for your own character development. Really. See, when I have someone's negative around me, I don't sit there and I don't become a victim. Oh, gosh, they're such negative. I don't go home and assume their energy, and now I'm negative. Instead, I go, you know what? This is a moment to test. Am I really in command of my emotions and how I think, or are they? Am I giving my power over to the world so that they can just take my energy and turn it to what they want, or am I in charge? So I use it as a challenge, not as something I don't have to challenge or change them immediately. I'll get to that point. But I get to the point where I say, you know what? Huh? Here's a little challenge the world's throwing at me right now. Can I stay on my game? Can I stay centered? Can I stay peaceful? Can I stay calm? Can I stay present right here, right now and not have to run away from it, not have to pretend it's not there, but use it. And I encourage you to do that. Because if it's just something that you immediately complain about, well, then in your complaint, you just let them win. Their negativity has turned you into noticing what is negative, and you lost. You're not winning. Even if you can critically, you know, throw a barb at it, make fun of it, you're still losing. You're being sucked into their pools of pessimism. You're drowning. So I say use it. Recognize it and use it second. I say this. Empathize. You know, a lot of people who are being in a negative mood or negative energy, you don't know why. You know, you've had a bad day, too. You've been rude. Yes, I know. You're amazing. And you watch this show and you're really into personal development. But at the end of the day, you've been rude to people, too. You've had a bad day. You snapped. You've been impatient, you've hollered. You've been a jerk when you shouldn't have been. You know it. Well, other people do, too. So when somebody is negative, always wonder, I wonder what happened today that led to that. You know, maybe the kids got out of the wrong side of bed and they were just horrible that morning, and that person didn't sleep Last night, maybe something happened with their family. Maybe on the way to work, they just thought of something very depressing in their past. Maybe the truth is right now they're so unclear about who they are and what they want in life that they're taking out on other people. Maybe their own failures, their own struggles, their own disappointments have ravaged them and led them to, you know, depression, led them to mental disorder. The reality is we never know someone's story. And once you can teach yourself that, I really believe you become a better human. You become more compassionate, you're better at listening, you're better able to understand because you have the intention to sympathize and say, oh, that person's really in a bad place right now. You don't take ownership of that. Say, well, I didn't cause it. You just say simply, oh, they're in a bad place. I hope they're okay. You know, I think it's a real, true personal power to be able to walk by negative people and still say, I wish you nothing but joy and health and strength and love in your life. To have that hope for people even when they're in a bad place. That's humanity. I would say number three, go for it, shift it. It's one of my favorite games I play in my entire life. When there's a group of people around me and they're in a negative energy, I love to try and shift it. Not by telling them they're in a bad energy, but by trying to introduce humor, trying to introduce something, you know, pointing out something that I'm grateful for, that I appreciate, making fun of the situation, teasing, making fun of myself, whatever I need to do. I take it as a challenge to. How can I say something stupid that makes them kind of shift their energy? I call it leveling up. So it's like when you're around a group of people and their energy is down here, can you level up? Not by accosting them and saying, you, energy sucks. I hate you, but instead by introducing the positive into that negative situation. Because you'll find that if you'll do those first couple steps, you know, you really focus on using that situation to test yourself and that you're still empathetic. Then when you come in and you try to shift it, it's just like, wow, you'll really develop people skills. You'll really develop the ability to lead. You'll really develop the ability to start movements, to make a difference. Because nothing shifts the world more than you shifting your energy to complement or to Serve the world. So give it a try. Try to shift that energy. And last piece, which I think is really, really important, is do not fear making the request, saying to somebody straightforward, you know, especially if they're negative all the time around, you don't blame them. Don't be mean to them, don't belittle them, don't hit them with negative energy. Instead, make a request, say this, say, you know what. I've just been having a hard time lately with my energy, and I know sometimes, you know, you're in that place too, and, you know, there's a lot going on that's negative and everything, but can I ask you a favor? Could you just play a game with me and just try to be like, you know, attentive to your energy and be positive with me just for me. I know you're good and you got your own stuff. I'm just wondering, could you help kind of just increase the energy around here for a little while? I've noticed the team needs it. I've noticed the kids need it. I've noticed that I'm having a tough time. And I know you can help me out. And, you know, I just feel like the energy around here is too negative sometimes. I contribute to that.

And.

And I know you have your tough times, but I wonder if together we could just say, you know what, let's be a little bit more positive. Could we try and just enroll them? Don't blame them, don't minimize them. Enroll them.

This has been so powerful when you've shared this on our morning show, and I just want to share it with everyone here. A lot of people are showing up here going, okay, like, it's been a hard 14 months and, you know, struggling with self doubt, struggling all the things. And some people have goals that they're trying to figure out with their career and all the other stuff. But then there's also a thing called feelings. Goals. Feelings, goals. Right. So many of you guys, this is gonna be new for a lot of people. This is newer for me in my own life, frankly. Right. Cause, you know, all my years of working as a Denny's waitress, trying to all the jobs, and then all the years of rejection with my business when I finally got. When we were finally getting momentum, I. I didn't feel the day. I just drove as hard as I could. And one of the things Brendan has shared so much about, and I would love for you to share with everyone live right now is, yeah, you can have goals in your fitness journey and in your career and all These things. But what about goals for your feelings, for how you feel and how you feel the day? Can you share?

Yes.

This is so powerful.

I remember the first time I said this to her, feel the day. And she's like, right. And we had this huge great talk about it. Because what happens is sometimes you're taking care of the kids, you're going through your life doing the projects, you have the to do lists and you're just going, going, going. And you finished the day. You didn't even feel the day. There was no reverence for life. There was no love. There's no heart, there's no spirit, no flow, no connection, no creative pop. And it's not because it wasn't there. It was just. You just. You just like blew through the day. You bullied the hours, I call it. And there was no moment of a pit stop to give prayer or meditation or gratitude or. Or a second to go like, how am I feeling? Am I experiencing the energy that I want to experience in life? And that's again, we generate that. But feeling the day I found the most successful people in the world. I remember we drew this out. I went to Jamie's house almost two years ago, I think now, and we were talking about successful people and they're drawing this little triangle and what everybody wants after they've gotten everything, after you hit your goals, you made the money, you feel like your family needs. What you want is you want to feel the day more. You want greater depth in your relationships, like deeper relationships, deeper commitment, deeper meaning. Right? We all want those things. And then we also want to know that we're leaving some kind of legacy or contribution, what I call meaningful pursuits. And I think feeling the day should be in your top one or two priorities every day. The whole mindfulness movement is really architect to do. I want to feel the day. I want to feel presence, right. I want to feel the energy, I want to feel the spirit. I want a self awareness or consciousness. It's a different feeling of the day versus just like powering through or caffeinating through it all and just blunting it out. We want you to have those sensations of beauty and honor and respect and depth every day. We want you to feel joy and reverence every day. She knows. I'd probably say reverence every day. Every morning show. Because I'm so happy. Who feels so happy to be alive? I'm so happy to be alive. I'm so happy to be with this woman. I'm so happy with this team and you all guys. It's amazing. It's a gift.

Yeah. You know, I love that so much. And even Ed Mylett was sharing a little bit about that idea of, you know, setting goals also for feeling the day. And then also like, how do. What are feelings we want in our life? And I think you just named a big one too, which is presence. I think that it's been so easy, especially last 14 months, to like disconnect and just try to numb out and try to surf Instagram or watch the news or all the things, right? And so many people are saying that's really taken a toll on them, that they feel their own light dimming when they do that. And, you know, I started the morning off by talking about how that light is still inside of you. That light in every single one of us, right? A lot of people nodding. It's still inside of you right now. And I think part of igniting it is learning to feel the day. Right? So what are just a few just simple tips people can do who are like, Brendan, how do I feel the day?

I feel nothing. Part of it. Recognize your overall emotional feeling. Every day is usually a 72 hour after effect of how you moved, breathed, slept, and ate in the last 72 hours. It really is like, it's a cumulative effect, especially of the last 72 hours, have a lot to do with your emotional world. So that's why having good habits on a consistent basis, like you might, you might listen, if you want to have a cheat day, that's okay. But that's why they call it a cheat day. You eat bad for one day, but then like number two and number three, if you get back on the train, you start feeling good again, right? So it's okay to have one day off. But I think the most important thing for fueling the day is you need to have pit stops throughout the day. You need to have moments that you purposely take every day throughout the day to reconnect with spirit, soul, energy, or even just to breathe, Mom. Like, just to take a beat. Close your eyes like I do. I'll stand like I do this every hour. Okay, I'll stand up. Sorry for the camera, guys. I'll stand. Every hour I stand up. You've been asking me to demonstrate.

Yes, demonstrate.

I will stand up. I will close my eyes. Because a lot of your fatigue is visual fatigue, and that visual fatigue is causing a lot of neurological fatigue. So closing your eyes, especially because we're all these devices. Close your eyes. I stand, I bounce in place, I swing my arms, I take 10 deep breaths like this, 10 deep breaths like that every hour. And it re energizes my body and my brain, and it's a little pit stop. And now my mental focus is back. When I open my eyes, I go, what's my intention for this next hour? And that little pit stop makes me go longer. Just like a race car, it can go around the whole race, but it doesn't. It takes the pit stops to tune it up so it can go longer and faster and win the race. You need little more pit stops to tune your mind up, amp up your emotions, reconnect with the heart or the spirit or the soul. And if you are just grinding all day, that is not. There's no pit stops. That's the equation for burnout.

Yeah. Well, so many people feeling burnt out, right? People that aren't leaving their home because of the pandemic, but just so burnt out and so overwhelmed. And one thing you shared that I want to make sure everyone caught is the idea of visual fatigue. Because that was a huge aha moment that I had with you on the morning show just in the past few weeks. I thought, you guys, we implemented this at IT Cosmetics. We grew to over a thousand employees, and we would start ending meetings like five minutes before the hour instead of just back to back to back meetings. Right. Because the idea that you can get up and just walk around and move your body. But one of the things you brought up is I learned I was doing them wrong because I was like walking and moving, but still engaged. I would take meetings in the hallway walking, or I would check my email on that five minute break.

Right.

And can you just quickly share the idea that when you do take a pit stop, when you do take that five minutes. Right. And this is hard for a lot of people, but the idea is when you take that five minutes, the other 55. Right. Or you take the 10 minutes, the other 50 are so much more alive. Yes, they're so much more alive. So people that say, oh, I can't afford to do that. No, no, no, you're so much more alive than those other 50. But I was doing it wrong because I wasn't actually resting my mind. And you talk about the power of, like, visual fatigue. If you take a break and you're scrolling Instagram or emails, that's not a break.

That's exhaustion. Right. Scrolling is just exhausting your brain even more and more and more and more. It's engaging it, but it's exhausting it more and more and more. And so it's like this you cannot possibly hope the burnout will end if you don't more consistently recharge. But we grew up on a century old model that oh, we'll get to recharge when we retire. We'll get to recharge two weeks out of the year when we have vacation. It's why people are miserable, because the burnout is real. Cause they don't recharge. One day I'll recharge the spa day. Or a year from. No, no, no, no. The world's largest study of productivity that's ever been done found out the most productive people in the world who also reported high levels of happiness. They took a break on average every 52 minutes. Largest study ever done. Every 52 minutes they took a break. Did they need a break? No, they're recharging. If you're crashing at 2 and 3 o' clock in the afternoon every day, it's time to take a hint. You need to recharge at like 10:30, 11:30 or 1:30 to prevent the crash. That happens two or three. The crashes happen because the recharges are not happening. And so the burnout will always be there. And I always say make sure you don't blame the burnout on anybody. Please don't blame your burnout on your kids. That's not fair to them. Don't blame your burnout on the team. Blame the burnout on either ambition that is unmet with planning or just not taking care of and prioritizing your self care or your well being. Take care of you so you have the energy to serve at your highest levels. I think that is something we call alignment. Capability is you can do it, you can do it every time. It is like a strength, if you will. It is something that is, you are highly capable at that thing. You are at another level of skill that it shows up every single time. But here's the truth. Capability. Capability is as much as a mindset as a competence. Let me give you an example. A lot of extremely smart people who can handle the problem don't handle the problem because they don't feel capable. It's like yeah, I know it, but I don't do it. It's like a lot of people who achieve a lot of great things, they actually. How many of you know someone who's very competent, has great skills but lacks the capability to execute? See, capability is something you know. Capability is self trust to take the action. It's not just do I know how to take the action, it's I'm an Action taker, I'm going to show up, I'm capable to handle this. I will do this. I trust in myself to handle this. To execute, to execute again and again and again and again and again. That's capability. And I really want you to develop that in your heart and in your soul by checking off the simplest of things each day. If you have a list of three to do, lists, if you wrote down your three top priorities for the day, do those first. Before you do your social media, before you reply to everyone's DMs inbox, voice message, texts, it's like, listen, I have so many people who, they spend all day just checking their email to reply to everybody else. Now that's fine if that's your job, that's customer service, do that, that's your job. But if you're an entrepreneur as an example, or you have a whole list of other priorities and you're just checking into other people's agendas all day to meet all their obligations, and you keep missing your key priorities day after day after day after day. Your brain doesn't feel like you're capable anymore. Even though you might be smart, you're competent, but your brain doesn't believe you're capable. You know what I mean? It's so important to understand this. I know if you're a parent, you understand this difference. Lots of kids can learn things and have things and have skills and abilities, but if they don't put them and apply them, they don't sense that feeling of capability. And now your smart child, your child full of strength, talent and ability, doesn't run on the field, doesn't take the action, doesn't finish the test, doesn't go for it. They don't feel capable. Why don't they feel capable? They don't have a pattern of action taking. You've got to develop the pattern of taking the action, the pattern of taking the action. Better yet, the pattern of taking the action to complete the key priorities. So all I want you to do as a daily, simple habit, every morning we do it in the High Performance Planner. I write down my key priorities for the day. Do those first, get those out of the way. Make that happen. Maybe that's your morning. Maybe for me, I didn't feel capable of my career for a long time because I was replying to everybody. And then I did a simple thing. I said, you know what? No phone calls till 1pm in the afternoon, my time. That leaves the morning to do the most important work because I do the most important Work almost every morning of my life, I feel incredibly capable. Give me a task list. Give me that log is happening in the brain. Good job today. Good job today. Good job today. Good job. That consistency, that congruence, developed the capability. Now I feel capable. And I am capable because I executed. Because I executed so many times, I developed a skill. You all follow. This is so important. Okay. This is so important, this capability piece. And the best part is when you get some capability, if you'll do what we talked about earlier, self reflection, you'll start to go, look what I did there. If you do what I've always taught, which is you have to integrate the wins. Integrate the wins. When you do something, take a moment and go, I did that yesterday. Here's how simple this is yesterday. After months of thinking, strategizing, and planning, I created this presentation and I sent the email and it took me about two hours to pull this off. But I just decided, you know what? This has been on my big dream list for a while. I'm going to make this pitch. It's a pitch. And so I said, okay, I'm going to get it done. And I finally sent it. And I'll tell you what, I walked out in the other room, Denise, like, what's up with you? I was just feeling so good. I said, I'm going to have a nice glass of wine with dinner tonight to celebrate. I did this. It was sending an email, but I was somebody like, I'll have a glass of wine every time I send an email. Yes, sure. Thank you. But here's the thing. You got to celebrate the days that you are capable when you do something good. Go, good job. Pat yourself on the back a little bit. You have to integrate the win to your identity. If you took all of your strengths and all of your good days and all the wonderful things you have done in your life and you really sat with them for a minute. You let them come in, you let them mentally stack where you just thought of that time. You finished that big project, you launched that thing, you got the negotiation, you won the award. You handled that tough situation at the park with the kids well. You didn't get brought into their drama. You just took some time for yourself and you let that integrate into the identity of who you were. You would feel an internal goodness. And see, when you integrate the good of what you're doing in life, you feel good. And I don't mean that like with hyperbole. I mean, you sense goodness again when I sense that I'm good. Because one in my opinion, I'm lucky to be here. My clarity says, if you are alive, have reverence for life. You're a child of God. What a gift. You are so lucky. You're blessed to be here. So for me, I feel capable as a person. I feel I've been given gifts and strengths. Yeah, I had to develop a lot of them just like you did. But because I trust that I was given those gifts or those strengths or this life, I feel capable. I feel like, you ever heard that thing you can do all things through Christ, which strengthens you. You ever heard about that? It's like, oh, yeah, I'm capable because I got someone watching over me. My dad's up there, my creator's up there, Grandma's up there. I feel good. I feel good. I feel capable. Because you know what? I've done some good things. Okay? You let that come in. You let that goodness come in. Some of you haven't let your goodness shine for a while. Your vibrancy, your joy, that sense of soul or spirit or flow or femininity or masculinity. That part of you that's like this. Because why hasn't it gone out like that? Because you haven't brought it in and stored it up. See, all you've done is deplete yourself for other people without those moments of self reflection about the goodness that you're doing for other people, about the goodness you're doing in the world, about the virtues and the values you stand for. You haven't let that stuff come in and sit in like, sit like form into the cement of the foundation of your character. And so you wonder why it doesn't emanate. Why doesn't the goodness come out? Because you haven't sat with the goodness that's already within. Why doesn't the goodness spread out? Because you haven't sat with the goodness that's already there. If you knew half of how good of a human you are, the choices that you've made, to be on something like this, to raise your hand for personal development, to want to learn from other people, I celebrate that. I raise my hand to learn. When I go to a seminar or I buy a course, I pat myself. I'm like, good job. You're learning, kid. You're not done yet. And I feel good about myself as a learner. I think learners tend to be more confident than people who think they know everything, you know, because people who think they know everything are terrified their worldview might break. Learners like, I'll adapt. I'll Figure it out. Right? That adaptation mentality, that learning mentality gives me confidence. I believe in my ability to figure things out. Here we go, my friends. Hey, it's Brendan Burchard. We're going to dive deep into how do you gain some more emotional mastery in your life so you can handle those difficult times when you get frustrated, when you get down, we get like beat up and like, chewed out and spit out by the world. What are you going to do to be your best self? That is the topic of today's conversation. That emotional masteries part. That emotional intelligence we hear so much about, that ability to handle the difficulties and challenges of life with grace or a plume or being centered in the middle of all this chaos and turmoil. How do you be your best? That's the topic of today. We're talking about motivation at a deeper level. Maybe you haven't had with me before. The utmost, most important area of emotional mastery is mastering motivation. Now, when I say emotional mastery, you're like, wait, isn't motivation just a topic, an area? I'm like, no, motivation. Motivation is an emotion, right? A motivation is an emotion that you feel that you feel a drive, a sense of hunger, a sense of want, and a sense of desire to make something happen. I believe motivation is one of the most important things we have to master in our total emotional sort of toolkit, right? Because if you can emotionally feel motivated every day, almost everything else can fall in line, right? If you're emotionally motivated to be a better mom, be a better caregiver, be a better parent, be a better lover, be a better entrepreneur, be a better business person, be a better contributor to the greater world. When there's a motivation pulling you forward out of bed each day, into the office, into real life to be your best, then everything changes when you lose motivation. You and I both know the loss of motivation is the first gate to suffering. You lose motivation now, you don't feel like doing anything. You don't feel like doing anything. You don't work out. You don't feel like working out. You don't feel like doing anything. You don't feel like doing anything. You don't want to do your goals. Don't feel like doing your goals. Feel unfulfilled. Feel unfulfilled. Feel unsatisfied. Feel unsatisfied. Feel like life is meaningless. It is a slippery slope when you lose motivation. But the issue is no one has motivation 247 all the time. Motivation is an emotion you learn to cultivate by using your mind, your body, your Greater consciousness to ensure that you feel that pull of purpose, that you feel that energy inside that says, I want to create, I want to contribute, I want to be my best self. I want to connect with people. And so motivation is something we're going to have to generate on a consistent basis. Because the power plant doesn't have energy. It generates energy. Motivation is something. Me, the motivation guy, I have the best selling book of the entire century with motivation in the title. It's called the Motivation Manifesto. If you haven't read it. And the motivation manifesto is like, if anything is imbued in that book, it is like this ferocity and this fierceness and this tension to living our best lives. But it has to be like generated. Because even though I'm the motivation guy, there's plenty of days I wake up and I'm like, I don't feel like it. There's plenty of days, there's plenty of moments where just like you, I'm just like, I'd rather be lazy and do nothing right now. And that's okay. That's part of homeostasis. That's part of our human body to want to power down, to relax, to chill out. But too much of that can lead to an unfulfilling life. So we must learn to generate the emotions of drive, desire, go get in this, whatever you want to call motivation. And so it's something that we have to learn to stoke. Motivation is an emotion we feel by either luck or by purposeful conscious design. I just choose to design it into my day every single day. Motivation is driven by certain things. You have a spark, you have something that sustains it and something grows it. Okay? The spark of motivation, which is how I anchor into being motivated each day, is ambition. All motivation begins with the desire or hunger and ambition for more. Whether that's more depth or more connection or more contribution or more abundance or more wealth or more love. Like we just want more of something. And that says, I want to go get that. Like, we see a fancier car, it's better than our car. I want to go get that. We see, like a deeper love of relationship between two people. I say, I want that in my own life. Sometimes it's a visual cue. Something we see makes us want something, right? Not too far from here, there's a beach that I strolled on vacation, I don't know, a couple years ago. And I said, I'm going to live here. And it was a motivation, it was a cue. I saw something desired, it wanted, it went after it. So sometimes It's a visual. It's a cue out in the world that says, I want more of that thing. And ambition can be visually cued for some people. If you just wake up. I mean, think about it. You wake up, you grab your phone, you're like, you know, and all of a sudden you don't have any motivation. Instead, you look through all this stuff, and all it did is make you feel like you're not enough, or it distracted you, or it upsets you or created, you know, anger, anxiousness. You got to be careful how you're using cues to start your day. I use cues to start my day motivated. And those cues to start my day motivated are things like, I literally wake up, and I'll wake up and I'll think of things that I'm grateful for and that I want to give in life. I'll wake up and I'll think about someone I want to do something nice for or surprise. Today, I'll think of something I can be excited about today. All as soon as possible. In the morning, revisit my ambitions, list my goals list. I'll look at them. I'll not wander through the day looking at social media, and then, oh, I guess it's time to work and look at my goals. It's like my goals. I mean, in the first few minutes of the day, I'm revisiting them. And what I'm doing is when I'm looking at my goals or my agenda or my schedule, I'm looking at it, I'm thinking, okay, why do I want this? What would life be like? Like this? How could I go get it? What should I do today to make that happen? And that motivates me. That's my list of goals, my list of ambitions, the things that can excite me. In other words, it's very intrinsic goals. It's intrinsic rewards. And after I'm like, if I go do that, I will feel better. If I could have this, I'd be happier, right? It's not that I can't be happy with now, but I want to pull. Like, if I can have that future pull, that's going to motivate me to go do stuff, right? I have to literally generate that in my mind. And so when I have that connection in the morning, then my takeaway for you is connect with your ambitions. Every morning, very first thing in the morning, somehow part of your morning routine, connect with your ambitions. Look at them. Why do you want them? What would you get from that? How would you feel from that? What would that generate, why would that be more meaningful? Really connect with that ambition every single morning and you'll start to notice, you feel better. Because you also know this reality that motivation wanes with attention. Meaning if we don't give our ambitions, our goals, a lot of attention, the motivation just goes away. Because motivation is either fueled by our attention or by momentum, right? It either takes reflection or action to generate serious sustained motivation. Either reflection or action, because ultimately from the reflection that gives us clarity, and clarity can give us confidence, or action can give us momentum. And when we have momentum, motivation is way easier to cultivate, generate and sustain, obviously. So these are really important concepts. Every morning, get very close to your goals ambitiously. What are those things that you want, desire, need and would enjoy and what do you need to go to get? That's the intrinsic type of things, the things we'll feel good about, the drive, satisfaction, fulfillment, meaning excitement in us. But I also have my extrinsic meaning, my external cues or goals or rewards that also I revisit. So for me, example, when I always tell you, wake up each day and at some point say, who needs me on my A game for me, every morning I re anchor down into my relationships. I think about, okay, if I don't show up today and do a good job, then my wife and I have a lower quality of life, then I can't support my mom, then I can't support my team, then all these people who count on me every day for motivation or count on me for leadership, or count on me for support, they don't get that from me. And I tap into that reality that if I don't show up for somebody today, then you know what, by the end of the night I'll feel worse about myself. But also it will impact other people because you cannot have real high powered mental motivation without a connection to other people. We are social animals, so we have to think about, okay, what should I do? How can I contribute in a way that serves other people? So where that internal one is about self and satisfaction and fulfillment and meaning personally, that's tapping into our own passions, desires, wants and hungers. That external one is ultimately about service, about giving or taking care of or being the caretaker of other people. And you cannot just keep starting your day. I guess I'll get some coffee and read the news and see what's on social media, or hop into the car and listen to trash talk radio, or turn on the TV and hope to find motivation later in the day. Like you want to kick off the day, kick off the day with motivation. Like, get already in the morning immediately in a good state of mind. When I'm in a great state of mind, it's like, bam, the day goes. And you know what? If you start the morning in the right frame of mind, motivated, driven, because you're connected to what drives you and what will serve other people. Then when you start, like, running out of gas at noon, 1, 2, or 3, it's easier to. To like, re. Spark that flame than to fuel that flame, than to start a new fire, right? Because some people just keep waiting. They don't even think about, I guess I should be motivated until they've lost it. I want you to start the morning with it and sustain it throughout the day by revisiting it. Remember, the secret to all of motivation is revisiting those whys. It's revisiting that ambition that you have for your life, for more, for others, for contribution. That's everything, right? That's everything. And if you get away from that too many days, too many weeks, too many months, I'm just here to tell you you're really going to struggle. So I hope that helps. Every morning, everybody, every single morning, I really want you to connect with that. Okay, what am I motivated? What am I driven by? And that's going to really. I can't explain how much that's going to help you, but you will feel it and you will know it if you will do it every morning. Okay? Motivation starts in the morning, but it's also sustained by that morning frame of mind. So that's really key. That's the first idea behind motivation. Connect with your ambitions. First thing, every single day. Give attention to that every single day. Hey, it's Brandon jumping back in here again. Are you looking to go to the next level in your life right now? The next level of joy, abundance, success? Then you already know that you need to journal about your lessons learned in your life. You got to track your moods and your habits. You have to learn from the best personal development coaches and teachers in the world. And you got to stay inspired and accountable so that you can be more focused, disciplined, joyous, and keep growing. That's what the Growth Day app is going to help you to do, my friend. It's the world's first all in one personal development app. It has all of the tools you need, all the coaching and the community that you need to level up, to progress every week, to track your breakthroughs, and to keep growing in every area of your life consistently over the long term. So go start Your transformation right now@growthday.com or just download the Growth Day app on your phone right now. Every day. You can keep improving every day. We are here for you and every day is truly a great day to grow together. So let's make self improvement a way of life. Let's make that self improvement stick. Go to growthday.com right now. Here's something I don't often talk about but it's important for me me because it's, it's very easy for me to be really effective in the mornings and then that afternoon, two, three o' clock and I could just be like man, I want to go outside, take a walk, come back, turn on some Netflix, eat some carbs. You know that can be my afternoon if I'm not careful. So here's what I do. I have a checkpoint in the mid afternoon to recognize, reward, appreciate anything that I have done today. Anything that I have done today. And that midpoint checkpoint for me on my phone I just have an alarm. Mine tends to go off around 2:30 or 3:00 clock in the afternoon. It just flashes to me and it says what's been great today? What's been great today? And so that will cue me, all right, it's time to visit what's been great today. So I'll just think about something I've done. It could be like I answered 10 emails today that I have been avoiding. Good job. It can be as simple as I made that one call, I said I was going to call, did it, I shot that content, created that thing, whatever, some type like listen, motivation is often driven by recognition. So recognize what you have done so far in the day, early afternoon. Then what I do is in order to keep myself motivated even more because I've set in my mind that I want to be a person who's excellence driven. What I will do is I say okay, here's what's great so far. And then I ask just a simple question. How do I complete this day with excellence? Just a simple touch point in the afternoon. How do I complete this day with excellence? So I will look at the rest of the day, whether that's two hours more, four hours more, five hours more, six hours more, whatever it's going to be for me. And I go, okay, how do I think through the rest of this day with real excellence? And when I can connect with that, I'm telling you, it's just so part of me and it really makes me want to serve. So please think about having a mid afternoon connection point to Keep yourself motivated, you'll feel a whole different quality of life. Come in. I promise. It's a different experience for people because most people, they're just running and gunning through the day. They don't realize or understand or accept how challenging it is to lose motivation. And so they've gone. Many people, they've gone weeks without being motivated. They're going through the motions, but there's no energy, there's no emotional pull towards something better. And because they're lacking that emotional pull, what ends up happening, they dog it. They don't contribute as much. They react and sort of create. And all of a sudden, a couple weeks later, they're like, I don't know why I'm so unfulfilled. Well, no doubt you're so unfulfilled because you haven't been tapping into that emotion of motivation. When we lack motivation, it is a slippery slope to suffering. So please recognize that you must cultivate more motivation. What else can you do? Well, I'll tell you, it's like ambition, attention to those ambitions, effort towards those things. I think all of that is really, really, really clear. But I also really believe that a lot of motivation is simply lost because of fatigue. So let's say you're doing all those things, but you're wiped out, you're tired. Like, a lot of motivation really rests on how you feel physically. If you feel lethargic, you feel tired, you have the flu, it's like it's harder to be more motivated. You can still do it by doing what I've talked about. Re cue yourself, reconnect with those things. But health wise, it's really critical for you to say, okay, if I want to be motivated long term, I need to feel greater levels of mobility and energy in my body. So if you ever hung out around me, I'm constantly bouncing and moving and breathing. And if you've been with me at hpa, you see some of these practices, this breath work that I do, that I'm activating and opening up my body so that my body says, let's go versus right? So my body's not like, oh, I ate this terrible thing instead. My body says, I feel refueled, I feel ready to go, let's go. So I manage my sleep, my diet, my health in ways that support my mental clarity and energy. And I know that like sounds. Sometimes people think motivation is just a mental game. I'm like, yes, but your mind and your body are connected. If your body is lethargic, so is your mind, right? That Brain, body connection is real, y'. All. And I know you know that you've been sick, you've been tired, there's times when you've been out of shape, you feel terrible. So I'm here to encourage you as I always do, if every single month in high performance, I have to cheer you on to get in better health, to prioritize your health, to sleep good, to eat well, to move, if I have to do that every single month, I will do that. I will be a champion. I will cheer you on. I want you in excellent health this year. So please hear me cheer that on every single month. Because I just know I get you in better health. I get you in better mental health. We get you in better mental health. It's easier to sustain that fire and that drive, that purpose, that motivation, that thing will bring you satisfaction, joy and meaning. I know you guys get this, but I want to fire you up today. Like this is something you must fire up on your own. This will be fleeting. Of course it's fleeting if you never look at it. I tell you all the time, no wonder you're not motivated. You haven't thought about what motivates you in three days. Just think about that. No wonder you're not motivated. You haven't thought about what motivates you in three days. Every morning I'm a deep dive in what's going to motivate me. I get excited about it, I look at it, I'm like, okay, let's go. If I didn't do that, I need coffee. People tell me all the time, brennan, I got this dream or this goal. I'm like, great, what 30 minute period of day are you gonna work on it today? What do you mean? You said you have a big goal, right? Yeah. Big idea, right? Yeah. Okay, show me. When's the 30 minute block that that thing gets today? It's a new idea, you say, right? Yeah. Okay, where is it? Is it 1:30 to 2? Is it 4 to 4:30? Is he going to check it at 5 right after work till 5:30, then get on the commute a little later. Like when new ideas must have new blocks of time. Write it down. New ideas must have new blocks of time. If you had a new idea someday, someday, big dream, and it doesn't land in the calendar at least. Listen, daily, 30 minute, daily block of time. Of course you're not gonna get momentum. It's gotta be. Look, if you won't give something 30 minutes a day, it don't matter to you. Just be honest like, any good parent will tell you this. Like, if you don't spend 30 minutes with your kids a day, I mean, good luck in having that connection. Good luck in forging that future. Good luck in helping that person feel loved and supported. I mean, if something is important to you, you give it time. Is it true? So if this idea is important to you, immediately mindset. This is what I immediately do. 30 minutes. And if it's a completely new idea, it's got to get at least 30 minutes. If I want it to actually come true. And it's important from the time I set the idea, the next day, it gets 30 minutes. Big new idea. Must do it. If it's important to me, the next day, it gets 30 minutes. Not four years from now. Like, right now, I have a big partnership I'm working on. Like, it completely came into my life, totally interrupted my life. I don't have any time. But it's important. I found 30 more minutes a day. Right? 30 more minutes is easy to find for everybody. People don't think they can. It's possible. I just had a friend, and I get in a huge argument over lunch about this. Not Everybody can find 30 minutes. And I'm like, who can't find 30 minutes more a day? Like, show me. Which. A little more disciplined, a little more planning and preparation. Who can't find 30 more minutes a day? Well, you know, I'm busy, and I have all these things you don't understand. I'm like, okay, walk me through your day. Well, I have to get up. I got to get everything, you know, get the kids ready for work. I got to get in the car. I got to commute. That commute's an hour every single day. I can't take away that. I got to do this and this and this. And I'm like, well, what if you didn't drive? What do you mean? Well, what if you didn't drive the car so that your focus and attention could be doing something else? Well, I got to do the commute. I don't know. I've noticed that a lot of cars have a passenger seat, and some of them even have a back seat. And if you sit in one of those, you don't have to do this. And I just got you an hour a day. So many people are so. They believe so deeply that they are managing their time so great. I'm like, no. Most people have so much free time, they have no idea. It's that they are distracted and unprepared or addicted to consuming that they're losing little pieces. And especially here in the United States, you guys have heard me rail on this. The average American, four hours of television a day. Don't tell me you don't have 30 minutes a day. I don't know anyone who can't find 30 more minutes a day for a great new idea that can change their life. You got a new idea that can change your Life? Find your 30 minutes every single day. Number two, remember the first output rule. First output rule says this. Got a big new dream, big new goal, big new idea. Don't think that you have to do what we've all been taught, which is begin with the end in mind. Because sometimes you don't know what the end in mind is, but you know the first step. So what I tell people is like, I got a big new idea. I go, great. What's the first output that you would have to create on that immediately? What's like the first output that would start you on the path? I don't know. Okay, figure that out. First step. First output, right? First step is not the research. What's the first output? Let me give you an example. When I began my career, I said, one day I'm going to do video courses. And in mind, you can do all my online courses. That was the big idea. I, Brendon Burchard, am going to do online courses. Guess what I didn't do? I didn't say, well, I better figure out the whole curriculum for all the courses for the rest of my life. Begin with the end in mind. Didn't do that. I said, what's the first step that would allow me to start doing that? Okay, first step, get in front of camera. Teach and post it on the Internet. That's the first output. One teaching video on the Internet. So I went and I got my stupid little at the time, flip video camera. Some of you guys know about those. Got a flip video camera. I duct taped it to a box. I put on my cleanest shirt at the time and I stared at the camera and I taught and I pulled off the flip video camera and I spent four hours uploading it on the Internet. You remember that? Probably not, but you remember that? Yeah. Upload, upload, upload, upload. And then it wouldn't play because it wouldn't stream fast enough. But I spent the time, the first output to me, building an online course empire. One video. What's your first output? Do that now. That's how you maintain momentum. The reason people don't stick to their habits is because they're waiting to create the output someday. I'm like, what's the first output? Do it. That's the thing to work on right now. When you got that 30 minute daily block, work towards that first output. Because you get the first output, you got real momentum. You get the first output, your dream, your idea is realized, it's tangible. It's like, ooh, I did that thing. First output. If you don't know the first output of what you have to create, you don't even have a dream. You don't even have a fully thought out idea. First output, make it, do it, create it, post it, do the thing. That's it. I want to write a book, Brendan, but I don't know what the whole book is. I'm like, great. First output, first page, write it. What do you mean? I don't know what the book is? Write the first page. But I don't know what the book is. Write the first page. First output would be the first page of the book, right? Write the first page. But I don't know what the five chapters are. I don't write the first page. See, you don't have to know the whole picture. First step, do the first output. Because you get that first page done, you probably get that next page done, you probably get the next page done, and you'll start getting clarity of the project. A lot of the creativity of life comes in motion, not beginning in speculation. Okay, next up, number C. 90 day challenge. I can't believe how many people have a big dream or big goal and they don't set up their own 90 day challenge. Like, okay, what's your first output? Good job. Appreciate you, but you got 30 minutes every single day in 90 days, where are we? 90 days, 3 months, let's go. Because, see, what most people are, they're scared to commit to the big idea and dream. And I go, oh, don't commit to the first big idea. Dream not for life. Just like you won't ruin your life forever. Don't commit to your new idea or dream forever. I need 90 days. Give me 90 days, man. Commit to that thing. 90 days and get at it for 90 days. Reevaluate after the 90 days where you're at, don't think. See, most people don't take an action because they think, well, I'll have to do this action forever. Just like they worry I'll be ruined forever. There's no forever. There just isn't. There's just now. None of us are guaranteed anything. So if what we have is Right this moment. And we're looking into the future and we're working towards that. Good job. In 90 days, where are you? That's it. What'd you do in 90 days? Did you lose five pounds? Great. You don't have to say, I'm going to be completely life transformed. I'm going to have six pack abs and still drink pina coladas on the beach with 40 people in bikinis around me. No, no, no, no, no, dude, lose five pounds, you got 90 days. Go like, just set the 90 day challenge for yourself and get at that and then worry about the next series of goals after that. So if you've got a big idea or dream and you're really committed to it, commit to a 90 day challenge. And what does that mean for you specifically what's going to happen at the end of 90 days? How you think, how you feel, how you move, what you achieve, what outputs are created. Get really clear on those types of things. You'll be so happy you did. Without these things, there is no idea into action. There is no momentum. It's why you didn't stick to your habit because you didn't give it 30 minutes a day. You didn't stick to your habit because you didn't even know what you were supposed to do. You didn't stick to your habit because you didn't at least set a time period that was realistic for yourself, that was doable. D you gotta have your drop list. There is no new idea in your life without a drop list of things to stop doing a drop list. I'm dropping these things. I am not doing these things, I'm saying no to these things. I'm getting this off the agenda. I'm letting that responsibility go. It's the things you aren't going to do that help you do the things that you're going to do. So you got to spring clean a little bit. If you got new dreams in your life, spring clean, what are you going to stop doing? I'm very, very, very disciplined about this. For me personally, I have one of my own personal practices. On the 1st of every month, I make my drop list. Every month, not once a year, every month I go, okay, this month, what do I need to drop? Because inevitably I'm moving so fast. I pick up new things. I'm doing all the time, some new idea, new dream, new thought. Because I'm trying to innovate, I'm trying to be up front, I'm trying to lead, I'm trying to change things and then what Ends up happening is throughout the month, other people also do what other people give you responsibilities, give you ideas, give you programs they're adding onto your plate. All month long, you're collecting a bigger and bigger plate, right? Some months I start, I go, okay, well, this month I'm going to do these five new things. And the end of that month, I realize, you know what? I'm not going to be able to maintain five. I'm going to drop two of them. I'll stick with three, but I can't do all five. That's a drop list. Without a drop list, I have no idea how you can keep adding new things. Make sense? Some of the biggest breakthroughs in our life is when we just stop doing the things that we know aren't right for us. Next up, big important one, the Friday friend status call. Everything that we know from goal setting comes back to sociology. If you don't have someone you're doing something with actively, if you don't have an accountability partner, you don't have a coach, you don't have a friend you go to lunch with, or someone you talk it through, then the odds of that happening for you are so low. Because you know what? We're social beings. We need processing time with other people. And the more processing time we have, usually the more progress we get, right? It's why therapy is so powerful in unlocking people, or coaching so powerful in unlocking people. It's like, oh, I'm processing. Oh, I'm getting distinction. I'm getting more progress. You need that Friday friend says, call if you got a big new goal or dream. All I want you to do every Friday at the end of the day, literally 5 minute, 10 minute, 15, 30 minute call, whatever it is, pick it up, call your friend and say, I did this this week, struggled with this. This worked. That went well. You now you go, how did you do? And just. You got one person in your life. Every week you're talking about momentum with, I don't care if it's your mom. I prefer this as a human. So not the cat, but a human that you. Every single week, you talk through things with. Like, where are you? I don't care if it's a librarian. I don't care if it's your social worker. I don't care if it's your brother. I don't care who it is. It can be the stranger across the street. Don't talk to strangers if you're PG13. But everybody else have that conversation and just on a Friday, go, hey, man, this is where I'm at. Because if you won't do that, I promise, if you don't socialize your learning, you will not achieve your dreams. You must socialize. What am I learning? Where am I at? How's it going? What am I struggling with? You got to ask for help, but you need a consistent basis. Big dreams require weekly check ins. Write it down. Big dreams require weekly check ins. So who's going to be your weekly check in? Accountability coach, Friend, mentor? Who every week check in and if you're like, well, I don't know anybody, everybody hates me. You know what? Go on your Facebook page every Friday at 5 and go, this is what I learned this week. This is what I tried. What did you guys try? And all the people who make fun of you, delete them. And everybody else say, good for you. So easy. Life's very simple. Next, create motivation triggers. When I walked in this door today, it's the same when I walk in the doors of my conference rooms, when I'm doing my seminars, that when I usually my doorway trigger, meaning that's what a motivation trigger is. A trigger is something physical or tangible happens and you attach either a statement or an action to it. Okay. Trigger is something tangible that you say or do when something else happens. So when I walk through a door, and that's every door of my life, I walk through a door, my mind almost always says, because I've just conditioned it over and over and over doing this. I walk through the door, my mind says, I am a happy man entering this space, ready to serve. I'm a happy man entering the space, ready to serve. It's been since I was like 20 years old one because I always want to remind myself I'm happy. I have so much to be grateful for. So do you. So how are you reminding yourself that you're grateful, that you're happy, that you're good? And then I remind myself I'm entering the space ready to serve, not hoping to serve, not maybe one day I'll deserve to serve. I'm ready right now. Whatever. I know I believe in my ability to figure things out. I'm ready to serve now. I don't need permission, I don't need more money, I don't need more team. I'm ready to whatever I got. I'm ready. Let's go. I don't need new things, more things, better things, tons of things. I'm ready to serve right now. Let's go. I'm not ever waiting to provide service to the world. Ever. You don't have to have the big stuff, the fancy stuff. Just go. I didn't have big fancy cameras and lights and fancy big flip charts when I started this. It was me in a really dirty shirt with the thing, the buttons too hung open. Like, you know, it's like it was so nasty and gnarly and bad. It was awesome. And I was ready to see serve. You don't have to have everything. I was watching this documentary recently on Usain Bolt, one of the greatest. Well, he is the greatest sprinter of all time, right? And you see the scene of him and he's doing sprints in a field with like this sort of little belt tied around his waist, tied to a chain, tied to, you know, we would call it a weight sled, but you could barely call it that. A little metal sled where you put on like, you know, weights, like a 45 pound weight from like lifting. And it's like. So he would sprint with this little things. When you go to the NFL or I work with my, you know, my major teams, they usually got, they got the fancy sleds, these longer sleds that glide when you take off, that release proportionate amount of tension along with the weight as you speed up. Like very fancy contraptions. Now this dude, the best ever, is down in Jamaica in a hot field with this huge belt on with like one coach, not 12 coaches, one coach standing there next to him. He ties this thing and when he takes off, this thing is bouncing along behind him. It's like the. Just like you're like. And he's the world's best. Because he's not waiting to have everything to train. He's training. I'm not waiting to have everything to serve. I'm serving so many of my people. Well, one day when I have a following, I'll post some stuff. I'm like, start posting stuff now. One day when I'm ready, I'll put myself. No, there is no one day to be ready. You're ready now. Go. It is a mindset you must have. You're ready to go. So that's one of my triggers. Walk through a door. I'm entering this space as a happy man. Ready to serve. Let's go. That's just one trigger. I have all sorts of other triggers. I have different doorway triggers. When I walk in my house, I say something a little different to myself than when I walk in my office. But other triggers I have when a door closes in a car. Every time a door closes in a car, I say Something else to myself. When I walk into my office, I take a first action that triggers momentum for me. Like you need to have first actions or space triggers that help you stay your best. They're ultimately all geared towards one thing. How can you remind yourself to be at your best? And how do you use physical objects, time periods, situations to get yourself there? That's the question. That's your job. These are motivation triggers because if you're not triggering yourself, the world's doing it for you. And if the world's doing it, you know what the world's going to trigger you towards? Angst, outrage, distraction, consumption. It's not going to trigger you towards you being your best self. So if you didn't maintain your habits this year, go on my YouTube channel and type in the word, you know, type in the power of habits and you'll see a video that will teach you how to set some more of those examples. Right? If you look in a mirror, you should have a mirror trigger. See a reflection of yourself, say something to yourself. I know that sounds like just like positive thinking kind of stuff. And you know what it is because what's the alternative? Stupid thinking, negative thinking, scarcity thinking? You need to have a little bit more triggers set up to make you work. And sometimes if it's not just you, get somebody else to do it, get a coach to do it, a mentor to do it, a friend to do it. But you need to be triggered to be your best. How are you currently triggering yourself to be your best? Many of you know you've been with me for years. You know, we kind of now everybody does it, but we were the first one to do it. When the smartphone came out and the first alarm was available to be set a label. I created this training and put it out about saying, hey, use this alarm label on your phone to send yourself reminders to tell you to be awesome. Put your three words in here that pop up and remind you who to be. Use this as a trigger to be your best instead of a box of consumption. Because this can be a weapon for good or a weapon that takes you into distraction, but it's up to you. Just like the rest of life, self reliance, it's up to you. Okay, my friend. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Brendon Show. Tell some people about this episode. It's on each of us to spread positivity and empowerment during these times of chaos and negativity. Right? So I'm asking you to be the dealer of hope and personal growth and education in your tribe. So take a screenshot right now and share the screenshot and this link to this episode with three of your friends today. Post it on social media. Use the hashtag Growth Day. That's growthday, because that's the name of my company and we're always giving away prizes to our community. If you'd like to help me personally, then please rate and review the podcast on Apple Podcasts. Give us some stars. Cheer us on, Leave a review. Because believe it or not, that stuff actually really does help. And I read all of them. So my last thought for today, please remember you are stronger than you think and the future holds good things for you. Tomorrow can be an inspired day. Every new morning is a second chance. Every day is a great day to grow. We're thankful to have you here in the Growth Day community, so be sure to go deeper with us@growthday.com. It.