Motivation Mashup: Most Important STEP Towards Achieving Your GOALS!

Let's talk about this advice you always hear about called celebrating the wins, right? It's about celebrating the small steps, the initial steps towards achieving your goals and why that's so important. But let's be honest, right off the bat, sometimes you don't do that. And that's why you need to watch this video.

And you and I both know that.

There'S so many days that you actually do a good job.

You go out in the world, you.

Knock off your to do lists, you do two or three things that stretch or push you, you add some creativity and flair to the world. And you feel like at the end of the day, you know what, I did a good job today. And you kind of like, maybe you have a glass of wine to celebrate or you eat your favorite food or you take a walk and you brag with your friends. Whatever it is for you, at the end of the day, you feel pretty good about yourself. But there's also plenty of days where you actually do the same thing, achieve those to do's, you know, make an impact, like do your thing. But at the end of the day, you just go to bed and you don't really notice that you achieve something. And here's what this is about and why this is so important. So many people deserve to feel so much better about themselves. They deserve to feel stronger and more capable and more confident, but they don't because they're waiting for the big huge win before they ever allow that win to be integrated in their identity. They might win a couple games, but they didn't win the championship. So they never let themselves feel like a winner, right? They do a good job a couple days at work, but no one said great job and no one gave them a raise. And so they go home and they're like, they don't feel it because they're not allowing themselves to feel the wins. But we know from psychology and we know from goal attainment theory that unless you're starting with those small steps and giving yourself credit for them, then the odds are you're not going to go on to the next steps that are bigger and bigger and bigger because your identity is still at the beginning stage, right? If you always feel like the beginner at something and you never feel the competency gains that comes from accomplishing and moving forward, but giving yourself credit for it, you're not likely to take on the bigger things in life. So check yourself on this one. When's the last time you really gave yourself credit? When's the last time you really celebrated Just a small little thing and comment below. What was that thing? What did you do? What was the achievement or what was the step you took? And how did you celebrate? Did you go out to dinner? Did you tell your spouse about it? Did you write in journal about it? Did you put something up and frame it? Like, what did you do to celebrate that you were beginning? Because I bet if you're watching this, there's probably some part of your life right now you feel like it's in maybe, like, transition. You know, your career is changing or you want it to change, or your relationships are in transition, or you're in transition of your health, you're trying to get healthier, Something's going on. And so those little steps you're taking, are you celebrating them? Well, here's three ways that maybe will help you think through it and do it more often. Number one, you need to have what we call a reflection schedule. I know, stupid fancy phrase, but you need to have a reflection schedule. If there is not a set time in the week that you sit down and you think about the wins that you had during the week, you won't do it. I mean, you'll be one of those people who, like, do it on December 31st when you're looking back at the whole year and you're like, what did I do this year? Oh, I can't really remember. Do I feel good about this year? I don't know.

Right?

You know what I'm talking about. So you need to have a weekly scheduled block time where you think about the week with the sole purpose of asking, what did I do well this week? What do I achieve this week? What went well this week? What good things happened that I didn't even anticipate? What good things did I do? How can I feel good about something that happened this week? What could I notice that happened that brought me joy or brought me fulfillment or brought me a sense of accomplishment or even just made me feel more connected. You need to have that weekly scheduled reflection time. I'll tell you, it's one of the most important parts of the confidence that I've gained in my own life. Because I wasn't a super confident kid, I kind of had to fake my way into it by, like, just revving myself up and doing a lot of things that, you know, personally, like motivational guys talk about, like, rah rah stuff, but we all know that's like a band aid. At some point, we have to integrate accomplishments and achievements into our identity if we're going to feel Stronger. So when's your time going to be? For me, it's every Sunday night. Every Sunday night, I look back at the previous week and I ask myself about 10 questions very similar to what I asked you. You know what happened that was great this week? How can I feel good about something? What can I notice that I appreciated? What small step did I take that you know what, maybe it didn't get a big win or maybe it didn't get appreciated, but. But it moved me forward. Even if it was just a little tiny thing, even if it was just sending an email, even if it's just making a call. What small steps did I make this week that are going to make me better next week? What small steps did I take this week that will help me continue climbing the mountain towards my highest ideals? What small steps did I take that I can celebrate? If I don't ask that question every Sunday, it just doesn't happen. So please start your reflection practice every week. That's my first idea. Second big idea. Allow yourself to actually feel.

Feel the win.

And I know it sounds like the.

First tip, but it's very different.

A lot of people, they'll journal, they'll.

Write down a list.

Yeah, I did this. And the reflection schedule becomes like a to do list for them. Yep, I did.

I did, I did. Yep, yep.

And they just write down a list. Look, you have to relive it and feel it and integrate it if it's really going to generate confidence for you. So when you're doing your reflection schedule or even at the end of each night, if you just want to sit there, close your eyes, think about something great you did that day, a small step you took that day. And then just allow it that heartfelt, that deep connection of satisfaction or engagement that comes with recognizing yourself. I know it sounds silly, but, you know, a lot of people, they take selfies all day, but they really don't know who they are. And that happens because they're not connecting with the feelings of life. Right? They're all surface level all the time. Quick, take picture. Picture. Selfie, selfie, selfie. And they're demonstrating something in the world, but they really don't even. They don't even understand their internal world. And it's your time to get a better connection with your internal world. And one way to do that is allow yourself to feel those small little steps and wins. Like, literally feel it. Like, I know it sounds silly, but I'm so proud of the stupid things that I do. Like right now, we're live On Instagram as I'm filming this, right? I have no idea how that's going. At the end of the day, I'm like, we went live on Instagram. How cool is that? Even if it's a total disaster and people call me horrible names, I'll be like, but we did it. Little steps, and I'll allow myself to feel it. I like, you've never met a kid who celebrates the dumbest little things like me, right? If you're ever around my wife or my family, we're so easily amused. We take so much joy in the smallest, dumb little things. And I think that's what spurs on that curiosity and later, that confidence in life. So allow yourself to really feel it. Connect with what you're doing again. Because a lot of people have a job they don't love, and they start disconnecting their feelings. A lot of people are in a relationship that maybe isn't as fulfilling as they had hoped to be at this stage of their life. So they disconnect. And we're so good, anytime a feeling comes up or we're unsure what to do, we turn to our phone so we can disconnect. Or we turn on Netflix so we can disconnect. Reaching that next level of enjoyment in life is re engaging, reconnecting, allowing the feeling to come back in again. And then I think my last big idea for you here on Celebrating the small Win so you grow stronger, is to share them. I cannot believe how many people who are amazing, I'll meet somebody and I'll ask them five or six questions, and they're so not impressed with themselves, but they'll be like, yeah, I just surprised. You know, I just. Yeah, I just survived cancer or, yeah, you know, I just started my own business. And they don't think it's a big deal. I want you to learn to share what you're doing in your life with real enthusiasm. That's how you're really sharing the wins. That's how you're feeling the wins. That's how you're celebrating the wins. Share it with enthusiasm. Many of you know I've been blessed to work with Paulo Coelho. He wrote the book called The Alchemist and 11 other international mega bestsellers. Right? I don't even know Paolo's over 20 million fans on Facebook. And just one of the great writers of our time, an extraordinary, extraordinary guy. I love him. And one of the things I remember him telling me on the phone was when I started working with him, he said, brendan, what I love about Americans and about the United States is you're allowed to celebrate your successes with other people. That was a big motorbike. You're allowed to celebrate those successes with other people and not look like you're bragging or overly proud. And I know that's not the same in cultures around the world, but cultures around the world need to catch up with that truth, that sometimes in sharing what we're doing with enthusiasm, we feel better about life. We feel more engaged with you. Look, if I can't celebrate my wins with you, if I have to, like, minimize myself around you all the time, then that's not a real relationship. That's lying, right? If you're not telling other people what you're proud of in your life, what you've accomplished and what you've achieved, not so that you can brag, but to share your real life, then you're not playing the game of life really well. You're so scared of other people's judgments, and you're so scared that they're going to think you're something and you're minimizing yourself. You're never going to get far in life by minimizing your right. Take pride and joy in what you've accomplished. And she share with enthusiasm. I share the dumbest little things that I do with my audiences. You know, I'll be on stage and literally in front of thousands of people, and I'll say something on stage, and I thought that was so great. And I'll say, you know what? That was really great, right? And the audience is like, oh, yeah. And they get enthusiastic, too, because I'm enthusiastic. Be more enthusiastic about your life. Share what you're doing. Share those to do lists you're checking off. Share those accomplishments and the achievements, and you'll feel so much more connected with your life, which you deserve to be. I hope that helps you. Thinking about this topic, it's time to celebrate the small win. Set up your schedule. Remember to feel it and then to share it. And now, suddenly, celebrating those small wins becomes part of your practice. You feel your life turned back on. And you'll notice every single day that you're more likely to to try the harder things because you celebrated the smaller things. How do you turn the feeling of defeat into a success mindset? Those days, you get disappointed, you get sad, you get upset, someone makes fun of you, and all of a sudden all of your motivation and your focus and your drive drains out with the disappointment. How do you turn it around? You know, if you went for that big project and you failed. It didn't work out. You. You put the video out. Nobody watched it. You know, you did what you've been trying to do, but you just didn't get the accolades or the rewards. And now you feel defeated. And like, tomorrow you're kind of like, screw it. Why even try?

We've got to learn how to change.

That mindset around so we can have some more resiliency and motivation so that we can keep at it in our dreams. But the question is how? That's what this episode is about. The first thing you have to remember, as soon as defeat strikes, and it will it. If you're chasing big missions, big purposes, things that really matter to you, you're going to have down days, you're going to have bad days. Allow that everybody wants to be so Pollyannish or super positive and say, oh, there is no defeat. There is no failure. Oh, no, there's failure. I mean, there really is. And we should stop pretending that people don't fall on their face and feel bad and have bad days.

Allow it. When you have a bad day, allow.

That moment, say, you know what? Yeah, this isn't the way I wanted it to go. And then immediately shift into learning. Disappointment immediately goes away, so you shift into learning. So your question is, first, allow it. Say, okay, I am disappointed. I have higher standards. I wanted it to go better. But instead of now, keep focusing on those things where you beat yourself up and beat yourself and beat yourself up. You say to yourself, okay, what's three things I learned? Go. Start focusing on what you learned. Specifically, when you get defeated in your life, I want you to start analyzing what defeated you. But instead of saying, I did bad here and bad here and bad here, turn it into a question about first, what did I learn about myself? Second, what did I learn about other people? Third, what did I learn about the world? Fourth, what can I do about it? That's how you deal with the disappointments. What did I learn about myself? What did I learn about other people?

What did I learn about the world?

And what can I do? Now, that focus to those four questions from any disappointment or defeat will help charge you up because you'll be focused more on the lessons and what you can do next. The second big idea when you have a defeat is this. Immediately that day that you got defeated, I want you to take three action steps, no matter what those are. Sometimes the three action steps are, okay, that didn't work out well. Send an email to my team explaining or apologizing. Sometimes the action step is to call somebody, send a note to somebody, send a text. Sometimes the action step can simply be stop at the grocery store, get my favorite meal. So tonight I feel better about myself. Whatever it is, just make sure, soon as the disappointment happens, you set three goals that very day and do them. One of those goals can be meditate and think about it. Another goal can be take a long walk. Another goal can be, let's exercise. Another goal can be call a friend, go out to coffee. I don't care what it is, my friend. But you need those goals and you need to do them immediate. Because here's the thing, the more momentum you have, doesn't matter toward what goal. The more momentum you have, the more motivation you'll feel. And that motivation can often wipe out that feeling of disappointment and, and move you forward.

And then the third big idea, when.

You get defeated, stop focusing so much on yourself. I know it's easy to stew in.

Your own hurt or your anger, your disappointment.

But instead start thinking about that very next day. How can I rise to another level of service? That's the question I want you ask the next day. When you wake up that next day after disappointment, say, you know what? Today I. I have the opportunity to serve. Let me do it with full joy and heart. Let me challenge myself this day. Yes, yesterday wasn't what I wanted to be, but this day I'm going to challenge myself again to serve with full joy and full heart. If you can do these simple things, I know they're just internal dialogues I'm talking about, you're really just looking at the disappointment or the defeat and saying, okay, what did I learn about myself.

Other people and the world and what can I do?

You're really just saying, okay, what are three steps I can take today to get some more momentum back? And you're really just waking up the next day and saying, hey, how can I serve even better today? That might sound so simplistic, but most people don't do those things. They keep stewing over and over and over on the hurt and the angst and the stress and so they never break free. If you ask a different quality of question, you can live a different quality of life and overcome those disappointments. So try that next time you feel down or defeated and you'll start to experience and live what we call the charge life.

One of my favorite discussion points is talking with people about whether or not they're setting boundaries in their life and whether or not they're over committing themselves. And I'll bet if you Think about the times where you've been craziest in your life and meanest to people or upset about things. It's because basically you failed to protect your territory. You got in a place where you felt like you had to say yes to everybody. I don't know if you've ever been a people pleaser. I was a people pleaser early in my career. People would ask me for things. Brendan, I like your book. Could you write an article for this thing and this thing and this thing and this blog and this blog and this blog? Could I interview you for this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everything was yes, yes, yes. And then suddenly I felt one day off path. I was saying yes to everybody's requests, but I wasn't saying yes to what I felt my real purpose was. And I know that sometimes it's easy to get pulled away from what we really want to focus on because we have family, we have friends, we've got business, we've got a lifestyle to maintain. But the challenge is the more you allow everyone to encroach on your day, or what you desire of life, or what your plan or your purpose is, the more you're likely to do it again the next day, the next day, the next day. Because, you know, we often get in the habit of giving ourselves over to people, and at some point, we feel like we lost ourself. And so if you've ever been in that place before, this is a good time to say, gosh, if I want more sanity in my life, I'm going to have to start to say no. And saying no is not a negative thing. Because right now, if that's been your association, you think, oh, if I say no, people get mad at me, people feel disappointed, they reject me. And whatever has happened for you that you've built up saying no as a negative thing, I'm here to help reframe it. Saying no and setting boundaries is the most positive thing you could start doing for your sanity ever.

Period. Because guess what?

If you protect your sanity, you protect your day, you protect your life, you protect your purpose, then when you deal with people, you're not angry at them. I mean, think about it. Is there some people that when they come around, you're just like, you get upset about. Because you know they're going to ask you for something and you know you're going to say yes even though you want to tear your hair out? Well, that's not their fault. They're conditioned to ask you, and you said yes so many times, and they just Keep taking and taking and taking. And now you probably have some bitterness or anger towards that person. And the only way to get it back, to release that anger, to release that bitterness, is to get your day back, to get your plan back, to get your desires back. I'm not pretending it's easy. I mean, we all struggle with balance. But this struggle that we have that saying no is negative has to be reframed. And here's the thing. If you can learn to say no more often to the wrong things, you'll start feeling better about life and you'll start pursuing the right things. Because a lot of people say, my life feels so derailed. I don't feel like I have anything I want. I often say, do you feel like you're a giving person? And they'll say, well, yeah, I'm a very giving person. I said, do you feel like you've given me, Given over your life's agenda to other people? You know, you wake up, you check your inbox, and you reply to everybody else. But you never do your work or, you know, the kids need all these things and you do all those things, but you forgot that one thing you wanted to do for yourself that day. And you did have time for it, but you just forgot because you're so used to serving. Well, it's time to set some boundaries. And it's vital that you do that for your own sanity, but also for. For your energy in those relationships. Because what I want for you and I want for everybody, I want them to feel when they see somebody engaged, excited and relaxed about seeing them, not bitter or upset. So here's how you do it. Setting boundaries. First thing, this can be so hard for you. You're just going to start to say no. It's the hardest thing ever. And here's why I tell people this. Just say no automatically to almost anything that comes to you. You don't actually have to say no to the person or, or actually reply no, just in your mind, when something comes in like that, just go nope. And then justify. Why would you say no? Come up with a reason. Well, I would say no because I have these other things that I want to focus on. If your first answer is no, your logic kicks in. You start building some reasoning about why it makes sense that that should be no and you should be allowed to do what you do. It's super hard, I know, but if you make that first move, it's a no. Now let me think about why it's a no. And then convince yourself that from now on, you have to persuade yourself into a yes, not them. You. So if it's a no, first, now you got to change your mind. And as you know, changing your mind is sometimes hard. So if your first frame is, it's a no. And then you have to explain to yourself why it would be a yes, you start to get an incredible amount of clarity about what is right for you and what is wrong with you. And then from there, it's straight up courage and bravery and protecting your day and your dream and your purpose and your mission and your family and your free time. It's just the bravery of now saying to someone, you know what? I'm sorry, I have to pass on that, because I know you're just coming to me with this now, but I've actually had other plans that have been laid down long ago, and if I don't follow those, then it's being disrespectful to other people. So I know it feels bad that I have to say no to you now, but otherwise I'm cutting you in front of other people who they're just like you. I love them, too, and I can't do that to them. So I have to stick to this and I apologize, but I have to say no. That's it. Now, the challenge in all of that is you're going to get pouters, you're going to get complainers, you're going to get people who keep pushing and pushing and pushing. And now it's just a question of your character. How much at this point in your life, are you going to stick to what you know to be right for yourself? Because sometimes we go through a couple years, a couple decades where we know it's right for ourselves, but we're giving. So we give ourselves over to other people and we end up in a life that doesn't feel right. And I would just say, if you struggle with saying no for so long, please give yourself that gift. Today is the day you're going to be comfortable saying no.

You've probably seen me online talking about motivation and specifically how to spark it, right? You got to have that ambition, that dream, that desire, and you have to have that expectancy, that confidence that you can make it happen. But how do you sustain motivation over the long term, not just spark it so you feel good each morning. But I'm talking about a series of years. Have you ever had a period of your life where it just was like years of major progress, major breakthroughs, major kicking butt? What was going on then? And if You've never had it. What's the magical thing that those people have who do have that? Here's what they have. They have the ability to sustain motivation. Now, I've been blessed to spend 20 years studying the science of motivation and high performance. And in that process, I've gotten to work with some of the most well known celebrities, influencers, politicians, people who are moving the needle of the world forward. And in that process, I've also been able to serve over a million online students on this topic. So I know for sure how to help you in this area. To sustain motivation, you have to do two things you probably already know. First, you have to focus. Now, before you turn off the video or go to the next one, listen to this. A lot of people have that initial desire, but they don't look at their goals every single day. They don't revisit every single, let's say Sunday and say, how did I do this week? How did I do in my health, in my relationships, in my career? How did I do with my finances? How did I do with any other goals that I set up? You have to have that daily discipline to look and focus on what you're doing and that weekly review. You also have to have the ability to to avoid distractions. One of the reasons people love my book, the motivation manifesto is this teaches you how to set boundaries, how to say no, how to push away distraction, to own your life again. But here's the deal. When you're focusing on something and you're really dialing in, it also brings your full presence into something, so you perform at higher levels. The second thing you need outside of focus. The same motivation is everyday effort. It's the reason you have to set up half habits. It's the reason you have to have a daily routine, a morning routine. It's the reason you have to make sure you have a checklist of to do's each day. I know that sounds so basic, but here's the funny thing. A lot of people think they'll have motivation one day, then they'll put the effort out. It's like motivation. First they think, then effort comes. The motivation inspires the effort, right? It's actually the opposite. In the science of motivation, it's with daily effort that motivation comes. I like to tell people this, with momentum comes more motivation. Don't wait for the motivation to go out and take action. Actually take action first because just a little bit of progress, a few quick wins, drops dopamine into the brain, we.

Start feeling good and rewarded for Our.

Behavior, and suddenly we find ourselves more motivation. So here's the thing. Set three goals each day. Knock off each of those three goals. If you just did that each and every single day, you'd start feeling more personal power and. And you start getting ahead.

Reveal uncertainty. This one is the opposite dynamic of how I used to think of confidence, right? We think of confident people as people.

Are just like, bum, bum, bum, bum.

You know, it's like Wonder Woman, right?

Is confident. We think of Superman is confident, who just knows everything, really what it turns out to be. High performers are a lot.

Listen to this.

High performers are a lot less Superman and a lot more Clark Kent.

That's what it turned to be in.

All the research with millions of data points. In all of my conversations, high performers.

Were much more likely to reveal things.

Like, I don't know.

Things like, I'm unsure. Things like, how do you think this should go?

Things like, could you kind of help me with this?

High performers literally explicitly share that they don't know how it's going, they don't.

Know how it's supposed to go, that.

They need some help, that they need some mentorship, that they need some guidance. That's confidence. Confidence is not holding back the deck of cards of your weaknesses. Confidence is a comfort with vulnerability.

And when people say vulnerability, they often.

Don'T know what they mean. When we're talking about vulnerability specifically related to confidence and high performance, like measurable outcomes, the thing that we can measure and see is that high performers in group meetings, in team meetings, in social situations more often share their insecurity. They more often say, I don't know how this is supposed to go, or, you know, they'll be the person, you know, at that fruit punch bowl who says, you know, I don't really know anybody here. I don't really know how to start to meet some of these people. Could you introduce me to somebody? And that's how they handle the social networking where they're awkward. They instead of just sitting back at the punch bowl, drowning their sorrows and.

Feeling bad about themselves, they engage the.

Person next to them, say, hey, you know what? I feel kind of awkward here. I don't know a lot of people. Could you introduce me? That's how high performers are handling little situations in life. They're not the most confident person in the meeting who goes, I know everything here.

They're the most confident going, you know what?

I don't know.

This.

Here's my question. What do you guys think?

And that is how you lead confidently you reveal that you don't know everything. Saying I don't know is power, not weakness. But you've been trying to do too many things on your own, and that's one reason you don't have the confidence.

You deserve at this stage of your life. Because, see, I don't want to.

I didn't want to start with my definition of confidence for you because I want you to be thinking about it. But I'd like to share it now that we've talked about defining and measuring. The way I look at confidence is I think the confidence that matters the most is the confidence in one's belief in our ability to figure things out. That's what I believe confidence to be. Do I believe in my ability to figure things out? Not do I know things? Because it's not always true. There's a lot of things I don't know. But do I believe in my ability to figure things out?

Now there, I'm confident.

Not because I'm smart, because I'm good at asking, I'm good at saying, you know what? I don't know how to do this. What do you guys think? And I hope this is settling in for you because sometimes your confidence is so low because you think your confidence.

Is correlated with what you know versus.

What you're willing and able to go figure out by revealing that you don't know. Got it. Next big practice for you that will really help is small changes plus integration. This one comes from my wife, if you didn't know. My wife opened two exercise studios throughout her career. Very, very successful at it, ultimately sold them.

And today, literally this morning in the.

Car, I said, okay, I'm going to teach this thing on confidence. Like, what would you teach, honey? She's led lots of big teams and had an extraordinary quality of life. And I said, okay, well, tell me, what would you say? She says, well, to gain confidence, people need to make small changes.

Not always go for the biggest thing.

But make small changes and see themselves making those changes and then integrate that into their identity. Integration, if you heard me talk about it, it's a big topic in high performance. It's one reason successful people often don't feel like successful people or successful people don't feel confident because they've never integrated the wins, the W I N S wins. They've had a lot of wins in their life, but they never stopped and said, wow, I really appreciate that I.

Got a little better today.

I really appreciate that I put myself out there. I'm proud of myself for trying here you know what? I am a little stronger because I did that thing. To acknowledge that you've gained some strength is everything to confidence, isn't it? Write it down to acknowledge that you gained some strength.

Look, if you had two kids and.

You survived, you've gained some strength, you get a little more confidence in life. I mean, come on, what else do you have to be through if you've.

Already made some money in your business.

But it's always more, more, more, more, more, and you never stop to go, wow, I really came from nothing. I made some money here. And you never integrated the win in your identity. Your identity stays the same level over here, even though you've actually accomplished a lot over here. And I see that all the time. It's why I see people who are the same level of confidence in their 20s and 30s and now they're 50 and 60 leading other people, but they're completely wracked with insecurity. Every night they feel like crap, they.

Don'T know what they're doing.

And I'm like, oh my gosh, you should have so much more confidence. You should feel good about yourself.

Integrate some of these wins. So what small changes could you make.

In, let's say, the next 30 days that you could celebrate? Simple, small ones. Like if you just did little things, like Maybe you do five extra reps at the gym or you stay for 10 extra minutes, or at work, you decide you're going to share one new idea a week. You don't have to change the world, you don't have to innovate the world.

You don't have to take us to Mars.

You just say, ok, it worked. I'm going to share one more idea every week at work and I'm going to celebrate that every time I do it each week, by the end of.

The week or by the end of.

The month, I've shared four brand new ideas. Those are small.

That's small.

You can do that small.

It's one thing. Little things.

So think about your health. What small wins could you have in your health? Maybe next time you go to the grocery store, you just don't get the bag of chips. And that's a small win for the.

Day because that prevents you from eating the whole bag of chips tonight or tomorrow.

Nothing against chips, so don't attack me in the. But I think it's really important that you identify in your health, as a parent, in your career, what are some small changes you can make? It doesn't have to be a big global brand change. It Might be one more little thing that you do and then that one more little thing that's important for you to log it, recognize it, integrate it so that you're getting stronger. If you don't acknowledge it, you can't get stronger.

Hey, my friends, it's Brendon Burchard. I hope you are having a spectacular day today. I am thrilled to be with you and to really discuss and dive deep into how do you have that comeback.

Story in your life?

If you've been down, you've been out, you've been frustrated, you've been challenged, people have been doubting you, you've doubted your. You feel like you failed, you feel like you struggled, you feel like you're not breaking through or activating your full potential. Bam. Do not wait until X happens for you to start changing your behavior, changing your lifestyle, changing your habits and starting this new chapter. Do not wait. Many of you are in a wait story. You're in a waiting pattern. I want you to think about this. You're like, oh, no, no. You know, soon as the kids leave, Brendan. Oh, once the kids leave.

Yeah.

Oh, then we can be happy. Once the kids leave, things will be good. We're just going to wait. No, it's time to start living your life each day. You know, I had this friend of mine recently. It's kind of funny, literally, person who's been someone I've been coaching at a high level for multiple years in our.

Certified high performance coaching program.

And this person literally said to me on a coaching call this last week, said, oh, yeah, Brendan, I've been waiting to change my diet here.

I'm going to do that.

But I'm going to wait till after rehab. Literally said, I'm going to wait until after rehab. I'm like, what? No, but that's how. And you all, I know you. I hope you think that's as funny as I do. But listen, it's just as silly for you to be telling yourself, well, I'll wait until I feel better one day. I'll wait until one day, you know, the kids leave. I'll wait until I'm rich. I'll wait until we get the new house. I'll wait until we start the new job. I'll wait until we move new city. Or I'll wait until she finally says yes. I'll wait until he finally approves. I'll wait until I finally feel like it. Do not wait until tomorrow is the beginning of the new chapter. Because the new chapter always begins with a new way of thinking. Doesn't it? It starts with the new way of being in the world. New habits. And you don't have to wait for people to understand you.

You don't have to wait for anybody.

To give you permission or approval. Like you have to accept. It's on you. That's where this begins. The comeback story happens when you go, it's on me. It's my choice. Here we go. Tomorrow I'm going to start speaking to myself in healthier ways. Tomorrow I'm going to start eating healthier. Tomorrow I'm going to start working out more. Tomorrow I'm going to protect my time more. Tomorrow I'm going to value my wellness more. Tomorrow I'm going to do my art more. Tomorrow I'm going to be happier and more connected. It's a choice. It's a choice for you. It's a choice for you. Got it? Like at some point you have to go, I don't have to wait anymore. Some of you are waiting until you earn something or you're certified at this or you get promoted to that. And what I'd love for you to do in your own honesty today is ask, where have you been waiting? Like, what's that thing you're like, well, I'll do that someday. Because listen, the more that you are waiting on, the more that restlessness inside is activating, the more that you're waiting on the things that you know you need to be or do or create or move towards, the more of those they stack up. An internal dislike. You start feeling like your psychology goes, well, I want these things.

I know they're important to me, but.

I'm not acting towards them. And what it does is it erodes your self trust. Do you know why so many people say in the chapters of Discouragement versus starting the comeback story? Because they're still living in self distrust. And a lot of that self distrust isn't because they're a bad person. It's because there's a part of them that's waiting and their mind and their body in the background is saying, hey, Brendan, do these things. My mind goes, I know those are good things and those are the right things. But you know, I feel bad about myself today. So instead I'll go watch three seasons of something on Netflix. You know what it is, I know those are the right things to do or that's the right way for me to behave. But I'm going to wait until she's better. You know what? It is nice to be nice, but I'm not going to be nice because look at her behavior. So I'm going to be an S.

Just as long as she is.

And your back, your mind goes, but that's not congruent with who you are. Why are you acting and behaving to somebody else's level and waiting to be your best self? The reason so many people live in the discouragement story versus the comeback story is because of self distrust. They're not doing now what they know they can, should they're not being now who they can and should they are not moving forward like they know their potential is capable of. And inside it's just like. It's like every single thing that you're waiting on that you know you should do is one more layer of distrust in your identity and you stack up enough. Waitings on somebody things they know they should do, waiting to live their life, waiting to speak well to themselves. Well, waiting to start the diet or the nutrition plan or the healthy activities and their brain starts distrusting themselves as you know what? I can't count on you to do the things you know you should do. I hope you guys get what I'm talking about out. It's a way of hurting ourselves is waiting. The longer you wait on the decisions or forging the character that you know you should do, the more hurtful it is to your character and your identity. Now, I know some of you come here for a lot more motivation than that, but I do believe that my role as your virtual coach is sometimes to have you look at yourself and be honest here. It's hard to start your comeback story if you can't trust yourself to wake up tomorrow and do the things you know that are right for your life. That means some of you, you've been waiting to have that difficult conversation with your spouse until never. Some of you been waiting to ask for that thing you dream of at work until never. Some of you been waiting to start that business or that new book or that new endeavor until never. Now you tell yourself no until you know these things. And what you're telling yourself is, I'm going to wait until all the perfect things completely line up. When it's all perfect, then I'll go. And your brain goes, you are so full of crap. You know you're waiting because you're scared or you're mad at yourself or you don't trust yourself. So what are you doing here, brain? You're lying to yourself. And then your heart, your spirit knows.

You can't trust yourself.

And that's why you're not being more decisive in starting the new story in the new chapter. And listen, I know I'm teasing a little bit here today. I try to poke fun a little bit, but I spend my life with people who are literally paying half a million dollars or more to work with me. And I cannot tell you how many times this is the issue for them. And you would think, oh, no, if they can afford that, they must not have this issue. I'm here to tell you, everyone has that issue. The people who I coach on the covers of magazines, my friends, they have this issue. When I was down and out and my worst of myself, I had that issue. I know you all have that issue. We all do things that create self distrust inside. And so do not wait. Do not wait until the perfect things. So what I'd love for you to do is you got a journal here today, and I hope you have a journal somewhere, a piece of paper napkin, you know, write it on the. Write it on with lipstick on the floor if you have to, or wherever you got to put it. I don't care where you got to put it. Ladies and gentlemen, what I'd love for you to do is write out the do not wait list, right? Do not wait to say I love you to my spouse even though you might be in a fight. Do not wait to start writing that book until you're rich and you have all this time. Do not wait to create a better relationship with the kids until they're more mature. Do not wait. Like have that do not wait list. Because it's a hard one. And I know, I can see it like, you know, John John Baptist is saying, oof, you know, And Kimberly saying, darn it, I can see you guys. I'm here with you, you know, but write out that do not wait list. I was like, do not wait. And it could be simple things, dream things. I literally wrote one time maybe a couple months ago, I wrote do not wait to move to the place that you would love to live and create every day. Now I'm in Puerto Rico, you know, do not wait to get yourself healthier just because, you know, you're busy. Do not wait. I'm just.

I think a do not wait list.

Can be really great. Really great, really great. Don't wait until everything's perfect, my friend. The new chapter that's today. Discouragement story.

Comeback story.

Comeback story starts with asking, where have I been waiting? Because my body, my mind needs to trust itself. I need to trust myself to take action towards the things that matter the most. That's principle number one. Principle number two, here we go. We've got to go from victim to role model. The biggest shift in many people's lives, the ultimate comeback story, begins with this one. It goes from, you know what, they took advantage of me. This wasn't fair. I don't like them, it was just, you know, terrible. And listen, I am not here to say that what you have been through in your life was not significant. Awful, tragic, hard. You know what? I hate when people do that. You know, they try to get, they try to say, oh no, what you've been through, that's nothing. Because everyone else went through all these other things. Now, I appreciate the perspective, but if you had a hard time in your life, you had a hard time, maybe you weren't equipped with the coping mechanisms to deal with it, or the maturity or the support. Maybe somebody really took advantage of you. I get that, trust me. But I'm here to say there is a mental shift that goes from victimhood to survivorship, but then to being a role model. The greatest comeback stories happen when someone goes, you know what? I need to overcome this because my kids are watching. I need to overcome this because my team is going to see how I deal with this. I need to overcome this because everyone else is expecting me to blame, stop and freeze. And if I rise up, maybe I can be a story of inspiration for somebody else. Even if rising up is so friggin hard. You know, even if rising up is so hard, I know that rising up might inspire someone else. Because if you can't inspire yourself for yourself, some of you will do more for other people than you will do for yourselves. Isn't that true? Some of you will do more for yourself than for other people than you will do for yourself. So I always tell you, if you are down and out, that's why I always say, ask, who needs you on your A game each day instead of a card right next to my computer, who needs me on my A game today? Because I will do more for other people to serve other people than sometimes I will. I can be very like, believe it. People are like, wait, Brendan, did you just say he can be lazy? I'm like, I can totally be lazy. I'm from Montana. I can chill out on the mountain or on the lake or in the river with a fly pole all day, happily. Alright, I'm good at chilling. But I also know that many people don't make a turn in their life. They don't realize that if they could overcome it, they could inspire people you know, it was one of the things that kept me going when I had the brain injury. I know we got a lot of new people here, but in 2011, I wrecked a four wheeler, an ATV, and I wrecked it in such a way that I really damaged my body. I mean, if you ever see this big scar on my hand that some of you guys have seen, you know, got a big metal wrist going on right here like a bionic guy. I threw out my hip, dislocated my shoulder, cracked a couple ribs. Gosh. And ended up with a brain injury. And to me, as I was going through that, I was so cognizant of the fact I was like, you know what? Because there's so many days I couldn't control my emotions. I didn't have hope for the future.

I couldn't even see the future anymore.

My ability to look out far in the future was kind of gone. And it was like, oh, man, it sucked. It just. I mean, there were so many days I was super sad because my emotions were all over the place because the injury, it was just. It was an awful experience. But there weren't too many days that I lost perspective in such a way that I never really forgot that.

You know what?

Someday I'm going to have to explain I had a brain injury, and I'm either going to go, you know, go, gosh, I had it, and my life still sucks.

I'm going to say, you know what?

I had it.

And I did everything I could to come through even a physical limitation like that. And it's not in any way making myself, you know, the hero of the story. Because some of the people who inspire me the most. I have a friend who, you know, literally cannot walk, lost use of both of his legs in war, and he's one of the champion wheelchair basketball player guys, right? And, you know, for years and years.

He was miserable and sad and hated himself.

And obviously, I mean, to lose the ability to walk, to become paralyzed. But he just said, you know what? I'm not going to be the person who goes through this and gives up on life. I'm going to get the training, the support and do the work to try to lift myself into something.

Because choice we get.

We're going to give up and check out, or we're going to work hard and rise up that demarcation line. Discouragement, come back, give up, check out, or, like, engage, rise up. One thing we know from the world's largest studies of high performers is they always say they're fully engaged in their Experience. And I always love that. It's like, because we're either avoiding things or running from things, or we are engaging and facing head on. But what lifts us is when we can go, you know what? If I pull through this man, it's gonna be good story. If I pull there this man, some people are gonna see this and be inspired. If I pull through this, okay, something good is gonna happen. You know, I don't pretend that it's easy, but I do pretend to tell you that you got a choice. You're going to stay with this story where you're down and out, people took advantage of you, and you're going to relive this one and play it forever and relive those old chapters over and over, read them over and over and over and over and over again, or you're going to start telling yourself a new story that you got an opportunity to rise and be the role model for someone who's going through the same thing. I'm not the only one who ever.

Went through a brain injury.

So I hope that my efforts to recover, to do the hard work over that two and a half year period can inspire some people say, hey, you know what? Maybe I don't just have to accept where my mind, body and brain are. I can rehab, I can change. And I've always been inspired by people who did that. I really do believe that. I really do believe that. I will also say that the role model mindset is integral to, to the highest level of success, not just the comeback story. Let's go to the end chapters, right? The very end chapters of life. When you look back at life, we know that high performers view themselves as role model. And if you view yourself as a role model, even if today you suck, but you start adopting the role model mindset. Like, how would I behave if I was a role model right now? What would I be saying to myself? How would I treat other people? What would I do? Even if when you just are starting or you are down and out, you can step into the role model mindset. Step into the mindset that says, the way I live my life can serve as an example. The way I live my life can serve as an example. The way I live my life can serve as an example. And if I can step into that, then maybe, then just maybe I'll work a little harder to change. Because you'll do more for other people than sometimes you do for yourself.

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