Re-Engage with Your Best Self

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Hey, my friends, it's Brandon Burchard and welcome to a special episode of the Brendon Show. Hey, I'm Brendon Burchard and I'm honored to be your high performance coach today.

With this episode, I've spent the last.

20 years studying human behavior change and writing, coaching and training literally at the top levels on the topics of motivation, focus, productivity, confidence and more. My goal, inspired by my own personal journey, is to help you and my audience live love and matter, which means to feel more vibrant, more connected and and more fulfilled in every area of your life. That's what we're doing today. If you like today's episode, grab a screenshot and share it on Instagram. Just tag me Enonbruchard so I can see you and give you a shout out or a hello. And if you want to go to another level of personal development in your life this month, be sure to join me live every month in my coaching program. Just visit HPXCoaching to get signed up. I teach a brand new personal development session every single month. Meaning it's like a personal development seminar for you. Live every single month on the first of the month and then after I teach that for about 75 minutes, then we do live breakouts where you get to meet new people, network with people, set your monthly goals and establish real accountability for your growth. Listen, you know that expert guidance and real consistency and an inspiring community is critical to your growth. So join me this month on the 1st. Just go to hpxcoaching.com that's hpxcoaching.com it's time to level up, my friend. It's time to take your year back. It's time to find that focus and that confidence and that vibrancy and that vibe. Again, go to hpxcoaching.com and and let me be your coach into fuller levels of high performance in every area of your life. Now, without further ado, let's jump into today's episode.

A lot of people also are burned out right now. And they're not just burned out because the challenges of their career or, or their family. I think a lot of people also burned out because in the zeitgeist right now, there's a lot of negativity, a lot of uncertainty, but there's also this big push in the marketplace that you hear every day. You know, if you're on Instagram or you're on Facebook or it's just grind, grind, grind. Everyone's celebrating the grind. Everyone's giving you The Hustle talk. So today I thought I'd do something maybe a bit unique. Today is really gonna be a sit down conversation with you about some of the things that can get you back in the mental game where it doesn't have to feel so stressful, it doesn't have to feel like a grind, it doesn't have to feel like you're running to catch up and you're freaking out all the time. I don't know if that's true for you. You tell me. Have you guys been stressed out? Has it seemed like everybody's telling you to grind and work 24 7? Are we in a culture right now where Everybody's celebrating the 17 hour workday? Is it a time to maybe revisit what's important to us? And is it a time to kind of find our own just sanity amidst all of the struggle? Now, of course, some of you would be like, yeah, yeah, sure, Brendon, I saw your Instagrams last week. You were somewhere on a beach. So maybe I'm just in the chillaxin mood a little bit. Right. But I think what's true is that we're at a very odd time when there's so much opportunity that maybe you feel, even if you are a high performer, you feel like you're still running around with your head cut off a little bit. You know, it's a little bit crazy right now. And it's time sometimes to have a coach just sit you down and say, hey, let's just focus you back in. Let's re engage you with a better emotional quality. Cause see, people right now, they're engaged. People right now, they're grinding, they're hustling, they're working hard. And yet the energy in which they're bringing into that is the frazzle, is the grind, is the stress, is the I don't know if it's going right. And it's like there can be grace amid the grind, there can be happiness in the hustle and there can be enthusiasm as we are in that full effort playing out. But we have to revisit some of these things. So in a rare conversation today, I'm just going to sit here with you. There's no flip chart today. There's no fancy presentation. It's you, it's me having a conversation about maybe you re engaging your life right now from a different emotional energy. And while that might sound in some ways simplistic, I've just been traveling enough and reviewing enough of our comments and our students work and what we've been receiving from our high performance assessments throughout our research. And it's pretty clear that people aren't engaging their day from an emotional quality in which they want to experience. They keep saying, well, I had hoped this would bring me more happiness without reasoning in their mind. Happiness is something that we create. It's a choice. It is an engagement quality that we can bring to things versus hoping something gives it. Well, I'd hoped that buying that house would make me feel better. I would hope having the team would make it calmer. I would hope that these things gave me the emotional quality I wanted. And it's like we gotta remind ourselves to enter our day with a different level of intention. And maybe you need this talk, maybe you don't, but I bet somebody in your life does. So I hope you'll tune in to some of the distinctions I'm gonna share today that you can share with them. Cause maybe you're cool, but your spouse is hustling, running around with the chicken with its head cut off, freaking out. Maybe there's just too much stress in the people around you and they forgot that they could whistle while they work, where they forgot that they could enjoy the experience. So what I'm gonna do today is, is give you some tips and distinctions. I'll give you some simple things you can do in the midday a simple midday habit sequence that will help you re engage and help you find the emotional quality that you want. I'll share with you also a skill that will really help you achieve the emotional quality you want in your life when you're a leader, when you're dealing with other people, when you have a lot of sort of stress Right now, if this is the conversation I'm having with $250,000 clients, I'm guessing this might be relevant in your life too. Right now, number one thing we're going to talk about to begin, quit, grind or chill. How do you know when to quit? How do you know if you've been going at something four, five, six months, working really hard, giving your full effort, and now it's that decision point, like, is this going to pay off? Is it not going to pay off? Is it time to quit? Is it time to double down? It's one of the most, I think, important questions, particularly in marketing and in business, is to know when to fold, is to know when to call something that's not worth it. So let's talk a couple ways through the distinctions, each of these. First, let's talk about quitting. How do you know when it's time to quit. This is a really important distinction I'm going to give you. I really want you to write this down. It's probably the most important when you think about when is it time to quit? The first question I'm not going to give you is about your passions, about whether or not you love what you're doing or you're interested in it. I'm going to assume you're beyond college, okay? Or high school. You know what your passions are. You know if it's. If you're passionate about it, you're passionate about it. You know if it's your interest. So I'm not going to give you a big, long pep talk about that. This is high performance. My job is to go a little advanced in the conversation. So just assume that should you quit or not? Let's just assume you've already asked, am I really passionate about it? Do I give a damn about it? I'm going to assume you give a damn about it. Now let's have the complex, difficult, challenging conversation. That's my job as a certified high performance coach.

Here we go.

When you talk about quitting, here's the first question I want you to ask. Am I quitting to avoid? There's a difference between quitting and. And avoiding. And it's really important that you get this in your head. I really want you to think about, is there something in your life right now you're thinking about pulling the plug on? You're thinking about quitting it? Is it a marketing campaign? Is it that new idea? That new book? Is it that new business venture? Is it that new relationship you started? Is there something you're thinking about quitting now when you start thinking about quitting it? Let me ask you this question. Is the reason you're thinking about quitting it because it's easier to avoid the difficulty by quitting? Is the reason you're quitting because it's easier to avoid the difficulty? You know, a lot of people quit on a relationship because it's just easier. You get tired of the fights and the arguments, the negotiations, the conversations, and you go, I just don't want to do it. So avoiding the conflict and quitting the relationship is easier than engaging with the hardship. And so what I tell people when they say, brendan, I'm thinking about quitting this, my first question to them as a high performance coach is usually, is it just because you want to avoid hardship? Are you wanting to quit because it's gotten too hard or you're avoiding something you just don't want to do. You know, you're avoiding it because I don't enjoy that piece of it. So think about the totality of what you're doing. Maybe there's, let's say, ten moving parts. Okay? Always think about this. I always think about almost everything I do. There's usually five to 10 moving parts. AM I quitting because one of those moving parts is just too difficult to deal with? Let me give you an example. Do you know the number one reason people quit jobs? The number one reason? It's usually because one person. Most people quit jobs not because of compensation, not because of ability to grow in that role. Most people quit jobs worldwide reported by some of the largest consulting companies in the world because of, number one, lack of appreciation. And when they say, well, who doesn't appreciate you? They usually say, my first line manager. So their immediate supervisor. Okay, number two, what else? Reason? Because one conflict with one person, there's some bastard in the office they can't deal with, like one person. You're avoiding this one box, you're going to pull the plug on the whole thing because one box is bad. That to me is the lack of, I would say, intention and resilience, but also just skill in dealing with life. Right? If you're going to quit on your spouse because one fight, when you had one bad year, when you had 10 good years, I don't know how I feel about that. You know, I want to tell you as a coach, maybe, is it something worth examining? Is it something to think about now? I don't know what happened in that year. Maybe it was really an awful year, but let's just consider it same thing for businesses. I know people, when they first start in this business, my business as an example, when they start being a thought leader, right. They're so passionate and they're so stoked for like 10 months, you know, awesome. 10 months. And then they just have one month filled of complete doubt. I don't know if this is working or they have one month, they do their first launch. No money doesn't play out. But they were so passionate and creating and learning for 10 months. They have one bad month, they pull, well, this isn't for me. And they pull the plug. And I just go, I think what might be happening there is you're avoiding the challenging emotions of life. You're letting that one box globalize into everything else. And so I'd like you to think about that next time you want to quit on something. Just going, am I letting one box ruin the Whole puzzle, am I letting one person steal away my joy everywhere else? Because I see that all the time. You know, someone who just kind of stops engaging at work because one or two bad people, when there's 10 other great people there, they globalize one person to mean the career, globalize one person to mean Google, globalize one fight to mean marriage. And that globalization immediately destroys their ability to engage fruitfully. And so what I want to think about is going, okay, is there something, I feel like quitting, but am I really just avoiding the hardship or the tough conversation? Because almost every time I hear someone wanting to quit, it's because of how they either psychologically dealt with other people or how they avoided dealing with other people. They don't know what to say, they don't know what to do. And I think it's important to understand most quitting can usually be turned back to. There's a social element to the quit. They didn't get the validation or the appreciation from the manager, so they quit. That's the number one reason people quit worldwide. They lack of appreciation, right? That's a social thing. It's not that they didn't feel competent in their job. That's not why they quit. It's not that they didn't feel like they enjoyed what they were doing. That's not why they quit. They quit because the social element, somebody wasn't giving them the validation, recognition, appreciation that they desperately desired. And I say in that regard, that's a pretty weak reason to quit something. I don't want you to quit something that you are passionate about or good at or could experience progress or breakthrough just because somebody around you is difficult to deal with. Because you know what, wherever you're going to go in your lifetime, somebody around you is going to be difficult to deal with. The way a person becomes a quitter is they continually, all of their life, avoid difficult people. That's why they're always quitting. I quit this project because there's somebody who doesn't like me. I quit this project because they didn't give to me. I quit this project because she's a you know what and he's a who know who. And all of a sudden they're a quitter. They wake up as a day, they're a quitter because they're avoiding the difficult conversations and people of life. Now, I know that might not be the most motivating thing in the world, but here I give you all that because I also say if you're passionate about something you care about, it don't let the social realm make you quit. Don't make other people's validation or approval make you quit. Especially in my career, if I took other people's input as a reason to begin or quit at the beginning of my career, I would have never began. And if I did, I would have quit because everyone thought I was crazy. Or everyone said, why are you doing that? Or everyone said, why don't you get a job? Or everyone said, I don't like your face. Whatever it was, I didn't have an extraordinary amount of validation at the very.

Beginning of my career.

You know, it just wasn't there. I didn't quit because I didn't worry about social validation, social approval, and I also didn't worry about social difficulty because a lot of the people I dealt with at the beginning, man, they were brutal. I was trying to create a partnership and they'd minimize me, you know, or they dress me down. Who do you think you are? I mean, I had a lot of difficult people when I began my career, but it didn't bother me because I knew how to deal with them. Am I quitting? Because really I'm just avoiding the hardship or the difficulty. I think that's really important.

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This other element I want to talk about is grind right now. I was teasing with my team yesterday about how all the social media is alight with grind, grind, grind, hustle, hustle, hustle. And I'm like, okay, but if you guys listen to my podcast, I think you know that I'm pretty passionate about. You can engage life from a very positive energy. It's why you hear from my seminars all the time. I say, bring the joy. Don't wait for joy to land. Bring it to what you're doing. And it could feel like a grind. If you saw my schedule, you'd be like, man, that's brutal. Right? But I don't look at it that way. I'm like, okay, how am I going to engage in each of these ways? How can I have enthusiasm for my day? Many of you guys know my morning conversation in the shower every morning. I never fail. I ask three questions in the morning, in the shower, every time. Number one, what can I be enthusiastic and energized about today? And sometimes it's like I have to make myself. I have to think about, okay, that meeting bring good energy in there. Okay? Oh, God, I got to have this meeting and this difficult conversation over here. How can I approach that? I can approach it from a play where I can give them something. I can add some value here. I can make them better. I can help inspire, if anything, right? I ask my question, what I'm going to deal with today that might throw me off and how can my highest self meet that? It's probably the most important intentional question of my life. Every think about that. Every morning I do that. This is my. I think for that specific question. This is my 11th or 12th year on that second question. So I sit there thinking about, yes, I take really long showers. Forgive me, Earth. Sorry, bad water. But, you know, second question. I say, how can I think of something what today might throw me off? And how can my highest self meet that? And trust me, every day I can think about it. I gotta have that difficult conversation. I'm gonna do three live webcasts. I mean, there's a lot Going on today. I got this huge, you know, I got a million emails to reply to today. But I go, okay, how might that throw me off? And you know what? Half the time it's not. It's gonna throw me off because I can't do it. I don't have the skill set. I'm going to fail. You know what it is half the time, what's going to throw me off? I realize. Listen to this. I really want you to hear this. High performers, please, if you're here, this one insight I promise can change your life forever. Half of the time that I say what might throw me off today and how can my highest self meet it? Half the time I realize what might throw me off is my own attitude. My own attitude toward the thing I have to do that day. I gotta run errands. See, for me, I know anytime when I'm in the shower thinking about the day, I gotta run a bunch of errands, immediately I'm like, ugh, I hate running errands. I just. It's a thing. I just, ah. I just. I know. And it's still to this. I just. I've always hated running errands. I'm like, jeez, if I got to go to, like, five different stores to do something, that's misery to me. I just. I know some of you like shopping and everything else like that to me, but, oh, my, five different places in one day. That's my total misery. I can't handle that. But that's an attitude thing, has nothing to do with the stores. It's an attitude thing. Third question I ask is, who could I surprise today or show some kind of appreciation to that makes their day? So I ask that every day. And I would say that by asking those questions, it's taken the day, which is always full for me. I have pretty full days from being the grind. I never feel like I'm halfway through the day going, ah, I'm grinding. Like, I can't think of the last. Maybe in my 20s, and I think that's cool. In your 20s. But if you're in your 30s and your 40s and you still feel like it's the grind, you haven't found what you're passionate about. If you're in your 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s and you still feel like the middle of the day grind, I'm grinding. I'm like, you haven't learned, I think life philosophy. You might be older in years, but you're young in life philosophy. You haven't taken A step back and thought, what do I want life to be about? What do I want life to feel like? How do I want to approach my days? Because they're limited. So if that sounds a little bit, you know, condescending, I apologize. But I tell people all the time, I hope you read some more philosophy. I hope you read more of what people said the good life would be about. Because ultimately, Viktor Frankl taught us the last of the human freedoms is the ability to choose one's own attitude. They can take away everything for you, but they can also put everything on your plate. And if they put everything on your plate, you choose, how will I engage with what is on my plate? And if you choose that you're more intentional with your energy, then I promise you won't quit as much. Because the other reason people quit is because of the grind. I look at people's schedules sometimes who quit something. It just got too much. And I look at their schedule and, like, that was too much. I said, that's like an 8 to 5 job. It didn't look too bad. You know, 8 to 5 jobs, not that hard. But they'd say, well, I just. It got too much for me. I go, it didn't get too much for you. You lacked intention. You are bigger than your problems. You are bigger than the difficulties of life. There is nothing I can throw at you that you couldn't handle if you chose to handle it. Does that make sense? We can all choose calm amid the storm. It's just that most people don't. So they get swept up and they get pulled away and they start freaking out because they didn't choose how to go into it. And that's the most important thing I can tell you. Most people aren't quitting because of failure or competency. They're quitting because of social situation and a sense that they're grinding without the payoff. But what if the journey is the payoff? What if the moment is the payoff? What if you engage in your passion is the payoff? What if the payoff is the simple daily challenge you gave yourself to say, you know what? I'm going to approach this day and I'm going to do a great job today with my attitude and my energy. That's why I started in my 20s. I think Dale Carnegie and Napoleon Hill. I think Zig Ziglar. I thank Wayne Dyer. Oh, my goodness. I think Paulo Coelho. Hey, Paulo. I think about the people who really inspired me to check my attitude, Victor Frankl, especially my dad, who had Just an amazing attitude. You know, my dad, many of you guys know, he ran the DMV in our hometown when I was in high school. So he ran the office, and I would go in. You remember, they have those things where you bring your son or bring your kids to work. Well, we'd have to bring the kids to work day. And I would go in and I'd watch my dad work, and I'd see there are very few happy people at the dmv, you know, so I'd see these people, they'd go up and they'd.

Fill out a paper.

Then they get there and they forgot their Social Security card, and they'd scream at my dad like it was his fault. Or somebody came in and he had to let him know, like, you know, you ran over three curbs today and you forgot to stop at the stoplight. I can't give you a driver's license. And they'd spit at him. Like, I would see this, their problem, their difficulty. They'd take it on my dad, and yet he was so affable about it. Like, he would try to calm the situation down, try to make him laugh, try to be present for them, which is super hard when someone's being a jerk to you. And I know you know this, but he'd been through three tours in Vietnam. Some person across the counter isn't going to throw my dad off. He got shot up in the gut. He's a tough guy, but think about that. He could also have reached across and snapped their neck. He's a pretty tough guy. He didn't do that because he chose. How am I going to deal with these people? Because inevitably, if that's your job in dealing with people, there's gonna be a lot of asses. There's gonna be a lot of people who are gonna throw you off. The question is, will you let them? There's gonna be a lot of days, days, weeks and months that can throw you off. Are you gonna let it? And ultimately, that's the great life choice and philosophy, I believe that helps people stay the path when they're doing something that they're passionate about. They can choose to meet the day and not make it the grind. Even if they have the equal number of difficult hours as other people, even if they deal with the same number of difficult people, I think that's what's really important. And this last piece is, well, should I just, like, chill out? Like, I feel like quitting because I'm not getting the social recognition, rewards, validation. I feel like it's a grind. So I want to quit too. Or I don't like what I'm doing. Should I just chill out? Should I take a couple months off? People ask me all the time, do you think I should take a couple months off? And my answer always is, if you have to ask, should I take a couple months off? The answer is yes. If you have been quitting and grinding your way through life in some way or another and you haven't given yourself a break, the only perspective you're going to get is to take some time off. Now, maybe it's not a couple months. Maybe for you it's a meditation retreat for three days. Maybe for you it's going to that favorite place up in the woods where you can just tune out. No books, no social media, just like, where am I in my life right now? I think that's really important for people. People have forgotten how to chill. And I mean that in a data driven way. Most Americans are not claiming their full vacation that are allowed through their job each year. Not like 50% of people, we're talking like 70% now, they're not even taking their vacation time. And so they feel like everything's a grind. Like, well, it is becoming a grind if you never take some time. It's so important for people to. People see how much I work and you see all my content, all my videos and everything else that we've always been doing right? But what people don't, I think understand about my career is how much chill time I take. And I take it because I know I can't perform at optimal levels without recuperation, rejuvenation, renewal, whatever you want to call it, chill time. If you don't give yourself that, you're in trouble. But here's the thing, you can't think you're going to do it. And I think right now, so many people, they're not scheduling their time. They think they are, but here's what happens. They have a 30 minute break during the day. It's not even. They just, it wasn't a scheduled break. They just kind of like. And they did this and they lost 30 minutes. This was not scheduled. Do you mind? Social media time is scheduled. There's no way randomly I pick up this throughout the day. You know why? Because this is kryptonite. That's what this is. This is your kryptonite or this is your tool for achievement. For me, everything scheduled in this thing, I won't dare look at this thing most of the day because you know What? When you start allowing the little piranha of distraction to eat at you, you don't realize it, but in your next activity, you're not as good. And what they did in empirical ways to prove this, they took control groups and they took a control group. They took two separate groups to do the same cognitive tasks. Okay? They did a physical task and they did a cognitive scoring test, like a competency test or. Or smart test. And so what they did is they asked them to. Basically, one group would fiddle around on social media, they gave them mobile phones, they had some games, they had some Twitter and some other things on their Instagram. Then another control group did nothing before an activity, and another group sat and thought, how could I do my best on this upcoming activity? That was it. Which one performed better? The one that thought, how can I do my best on this upcoming activity? You could just sit there like a bump on a log, or you can enter with intention. But the worst performing group every single time is the one that just allowed the piranha to eat at their focal ability. Right? They lost focal power going to the next activity. So you really have to be aware of that because it's just. It's very dangerous. This is preventing people from not only chilling out, but because you know what? If you sit back and you look at this, it is not chilling you out. There is no recovery coming from this. Even if you think it is. There is zero recovery ability for you engaging in your phone. There's no recovery there. You just should know this is not a recovery stick, okay? There's nothing. This is never going to be recovery. There is no way this will ever be recovery. Are you catching me? Ever. This will never be recovery tool. This can't. This needs to go away. You want recovery tool, empirically proven, go for a walk. That's going to be way better than this thing. You want a recovery tool. The number one most proven recovery tool in the history of the world. You guessed it. Great sleep. And number two, meditation. That's it. That's what you got. So don't rely on this to help you chill out. And also, Netflix doesn't help you chill out. Oh, God, I said it out loud. I'm sorry. It's not helping you. Every psychological study done on television has always shown the same thing. Watching television engages a low level of stress in your body. Okay? It doesn't help you lower your cortisol. You can choose to quit because you're not getting the validation. You can choose to quit because it feels like a grind and you can choose to quit because it's always on or you can say, you know what, I'm going to find my own pleasures in this. I'm going to approach this in a way where I engage and I enjoy it and I'm going to give myself more recovery and rejuvenation time.

All right? Hey, my friend, I hope you enjoyed today's episode. If you're ready to go to another level, don't Forget, go to hpxcoaching.com Let me be your coach. Let me spend the first of each month with you giving you a personal development seminar. Let me help you get unstuck, break through your emotional blocks, find your real.

Clarity, your real passion, your real purpose.

And implement the habits that you know you need to implement. Change your life by getting a coach, getting some expert guidance. Listen, you got as far as you could get.

You're here.

You've achieved so much in your life. But to go to another level requires another level of mindset, another level of discipline, another level of direction and community and consistency. And that is what my coaching program is all about. So go to hpxcoaching.com and listen, if you're ready to go to a whole other level, I'm hiring. Please go to brendan.com hiring for our open roles. I got a big secret project that we are rolling out and you'll only find information that@brendon.com hiring we've got, I don't know, 10 or 12 open positions there. If you ever wanted to work with me, if you wanted me to be your leader, you wanted me to literally employ you and help you grow in.

Your career and do what we do.

Serving this mission of helping people around the world achieve their dreams faster, helping them improve their lives. We live every day as a team to do that and we are currently hiring. We're building out a new product and we need some people to help us do that. Brendon.com hiring if you don't know how to spell my name, don't even think about it. We're looking for people who are pros. If you're interested in internship with me, don't go there. We're not hiring interns. If you're interested in starting your career with me, don't go there. We are an a team here. We've got people who are really experienced. So if you're new to personal development or you're new to marketing, you're probably not going to be the person we're looking for. We're looking for people with at least three years of professional experience in a lot of different roles.

Because we take this role very seriously.

We get to change lives and millions of them every single day. That's the work. So we're looking for real pros, top of your game, ready to come on to an organization that reaches just as many people in the world as any other personal development influencer or trainer on the planet. And we'd be excited to have you join us in a big new initiative we're rolling out for the beginning of the year. I can't even tell you any more about that. Go to brendan.com hiring if you'd like to work with us.

And if you just want to go.

To another level and have me as your coach, not your Boss, go to hpxcoaching.com so I can give you a brand new personal development session this month to help you set your goals, get on track, get unstuck, and achieve your ultimate difference. Go to hpxcoaching.com for that. Thanks again for listening to the Brendan Show. You all mean so much to me. I have so much coming out in the next couple months for you here that's going to be unique and special and I know you're going to love it. So keep your head up. I know it's been a hard year. Please remember, as always, you are stronger than you think and the future holds good things for you.