Reduce Stress, Increase Self-Confidence

Hello my friends.

I'm Brendon Burchard, host of the Brendon show and founder of growthday.com and I'm honored to be your high performance coach today. I believe that every day we can be inspired. We can live with intention and purpose. We can bring the joy and honor the struggles of each day to push ourselves to grow, to serve, to be a role model, to lead extraordinary lives. I believe that every day is a great day to grow. That's why I started my company, growthday.com it's an online personal growth platform where you can get me and the world's best personal development teachers live coaching you every week, sharing our wisdom, keeping you motivated and accountable, encouraging you to find the aliveness and the connection and meaning of life that we're all after. If you're not a member yet, please go sign up@growthday.com and join our huge worldwide community of achievers. For less than a dollar a day you get the world's best teachers live every week. And look, you've probably known for a long time that you needed some expert guidance and inspired community and life changing tools. So please, your breakthrough awaits you@growthday.com now let's get to today's episode. My friends, please listen closely. Maybe you take some notes so you remember these insights of personal growth and share this episode with three of your friends because we all have to share more positive messages in the world today. So share this with three friends just like you who are committed to their personal growth. And also be sure to tag me or DM me on Instagram. Rendon Burchard, join our million plus community there on Instagram so I can say hi. Thanks again for listening. Now let's begin.

Don't take things so personally. I think that's a good one. If you are constantly being offended or hurt or upset by other people and it is affecting your confidence, that is your issue, not theirs. They don't owe you any confidence tablets. They are not responsible for filling your tank. No one owes you confidence. You are the only allower and generator of confidence in your life. So if you don't have it today that in a way that is sufficient for you, please pay attention to our points today because you are the only grantor of confidence in your life. Trust me, if you are a bottomless pit that cannot be filled with the appropriate level of confidence, what do you do? You blame everybody else. Well, I'd be more confident my husband loved me more. I'd be more confident if my children like me I'd be more confident in my business, had billions. I'm like, stop, stop. Let's get sane for a moment. Let's give ourselves the credit that we deserve for our struggles and our efforts. Let's psychologically step into the truth that we're the only ones ever going to grant us that confidence. I remember thinking at one point in my career, I thought, you know, once I have a million dollar launch, I'm gonna be so much more confident on video. You know, that external validation, that number, that million dollar thing. Yeah, I'll be more confident. And I hit it. And the funny thing is, it was amazing. And I bet all of you, you all had tons of successes in your life where you went out, you celebrated, it was awesome, right? You go on the trip, maybe you have some wine, maybe you have a great night, you celebrate, you really celebrate. But even as your lifestyle improves, guess what? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 Mondays come along and you wake up with you again or you put the plaque on the wall. And at first when you hang that plaque, you feel so proud of yourself. Confidence comes in. Look at that. I did that. I'm so proud of that. And then you walk by that plaque 50 times down that hallway and then one day you look at it and you don't feel anything from it. And it wasn't really, it's not in you. You didn't really give yourself that deep, real acknowledgement that can lead to confidence. You know, here's something I'd love for you all to do in your journal right now. Just write this phrase, I acknowledge myself for. Just type it. I acknowledge myself for. And then just. And I would love for you to write that. Dozens and dozens and dozens of responses. Just keep thinking about it. I acknowledge myself for having survived that difficult childhood, for having still. For having still deep belief in myself. I acknowledge myself for the hope and the hunger I still have. I acknowledge myself for giving to others. I acknowledge myself for sticking with it. I acknowledge myself for showing up for others. I know, like, just write it down. Just keep. I acknowledge myself. I acknowledge myself. I acknowledge myself. I acknowledge myself. Because, you know, you don't need other people's attention and approval. You need your own. You need your own. You've got to give some attention to yourself again. And that's why we have this beautiful movement in the world of the self care movement is people going, wow, I gotta, I have to take care of myself. But you also have to acknowledge it in a way that you approve of you. A lot of the reasons people don't have confidence is they don't approve of themselves. Right. And so we're going to talk about that tonight. But I'd love for you to give yourself the gift at the very opening I acknowledge myself for. You know, if I think about my career, I acknowledge myself for believing my art, for when a publisher told me it was no good and wanted to reject a book of mine. But I stayed with the book. That was the motivation manifesto. I acknowledged myself for still striving after I went broke at the very beginning. I acknowledge myself for always generating the energy that I want to experience in a moment of service. I acknowledge myself for always trying to learn and to give my best. I acknowledge myself for having some good health, you know, practices. I acknowledge myself for having done my meditation practice today. I acknowledge myself for trying to be a better man to my wife even though I suck sometimes. I try to be a better leader to my team, even though it's difficult. See, I can be okay with the fact that my performance isn't where I want it to be in several areas of life. But I can still have confidence because I believe in my ability to figure things out and to apply the effort to improve and grow. Does this make sense to y'? All?

Is this resonating?

I really just want you to acknowledge yourself. Guys, listen, you can't live the high performance experience if you are always doubting yourself and hating yourself. Doesn't work that way for those who are the dorks in the room like me, listen, the world's largest study of high performance, as many of you know, you read high performance Habits. Remember that last chapter, found that one of the strongest correlative factors that improved everybody's habit measures like, if you want to improve your amount of clarity, energy, necessity, courage, productivity, influence. If you want to improve these things, that magical factor, the foundation of all of that, improve confidence and all the other scores go up. But confidence has to be something that you allow. You give yourself the acknowledgement, oh, my gosh, you guys have been through so much. Listen to this one. And I just want to say this to your coach. If you're not confident in yourself now, when, like, what else is it going to take, my friends? You really got to take this in tonight. You know, if you haven't given yourself the blessing of recognizing yourself, acknowledging yourself, approving of yourself at this stage, don't think it's going to happen in five years or 10. Just got to make it, got to be a decision tonight. I know that you've all heard that saying that hey, if you won't invest a dollar now in finances, don't think you're going to invest, you know, a hundred thousand dollars when you make your first million. It's just not how it happens. If you won't give yourself things now and discipline things now, they don't show up later magically. I know you all know that. I just feel like you're so hard on yourselves. I've been paying attention to this community more than I ever have, and I just feel like you're so hard on yourselves. And I. I just want you to know, you know, if you're not confident now, when and whatever your answer is, if it's not an allowing gift now, we're in a lot of trouble. If you're a person who still lives in embarrassment and shame of what other people think, you're not a person who studied anything in psychology or sociology. You just haven't been paying attention because they're not thinking about you no more. They literally are not. Why are you still so upset about this person who hurt you 15 years ago? They're not thinking about you no more. Once you can accept that, like, whoa, that's cool. Hey, they're not even thinking about me. Let me cut off the meaning I have attached to their approval because they're not even. They're not even actively approved. They're not even paying attention. Move on, baby. Sometimes realizing where you have attached meaning to your confidence and saying, I move on today, yes, I used to tie my confidence to her, but not today. Today my confidence is mine. It is not hers. I. I will not give that person my own confidence anymore. There is no more you doling out your confidence to other people based on how they treat you, how they think of you, how they are in the moment. No, your confidence, that's yours. They can't take it. They can't fuel it. You are the single and sole grantor of your confidence. When you get that, we can move on. Let's go.

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C equals I plus A plus C. Write it down. Write it down. I'm here with you. Write it down. Okay, now let's walk through what these mean. Confidence. Confidence. Where does it come from? Go. Confidence, where does it come from? Where does it come from? Well, we know it's our belief in our ability to figure things out, that's one level of confidence. But we can go way deeper.

That's why we're here.

So let's go. What does this mean? C is confidence, I is intention, A is action, and C is consistency or congruence. Let's go through this. Confidence, more often than not is actually coming from both in the moment. But over a duration of time, your confidence is tied to these three things. I want you to really get this. This is going to blow your mind. Okay, here it is. Intention, action, consistency or congruence? Intention, action, consistency or congruence. Now let's walk through this. This is going to blow your mind. So please, like literally this is something you want to teach your children. This is something that can change your life forever. Most of your confidence has kind of piled on you or left you based on unconscious things, right? You just, you went through life and you feel confident as you do, but what you didn't know is psychologically what was happening is your mind was rewarding you with confidence. Listen Your mind was rewarding you or not based on whether or not you had an intention for something. You stepped into that and you did it over and over and over again. A lot of our confidence actually came from that unconsciously. We didn't even know. So here's the problem. Guess who really lacks a lot of confidence? Those who lack intention. This is so funny. Think about this for just a minute here. Listen. A lot of people who lack confidence lack confidence because they don't have a lot of intention. So what they're doing is they're just kind of showing up in the world and they're going through the flow and they're letting the world push and push and mold and shape and turn and just, just like push. And all of a sudden, so, so they're kind of a whim. Their self identity and their confidence is at the whim of the world, shaping. And as you know, today we live in a society in a world that is not very intentional, mostly reactive. And so what happens if you let the world do it for you? It will shape a reactive identity that feels out of control, that feels a lack of congruence. And if you went through your life that way without a lot of intention, your mind would say something like this. Your mind would say, I don't know myself. See, you cannot know yourself separate from intention and initiative, right? Intention and action. You just, you will never know yourself until you say, I intend this to happen. I'm going to take an action, I'm going to keep at it. If you did that through your life, if you did that through your life, you had a lot of intention. This is my goal, or this is my dream, or this is my vision, this is my mission. Like you painted the picture, you stepped into it and you kept doing that. Your brain goes, I know myself. I am capable here, I am capable here. Because every time I set a goal, I move towards it and I stay with it. I, I'm capable. That's what your mind did unconsciously throughout your life. It said, hey, listen, I'm capable here. Because it seems like every time I say I want this, I move towards it and I keep working at it. Hey, I'm capable. And that gives you what psychologists will often call that sense of self agency or self efficacy, both of which have been directly tied to our overall sense of confidence and our sense of confidence in specific social situations or skill sets. So let me break this down. Agency in psychology, in high performance studies means whether or not we feel like we are the commander of our ship, if we have our hand on the wheel, right? Do you have the hands on the wheel of your life? That's personal agency. I feel like I, I am the agent of my life. I am the person in control. I am the person who can call the shots. Like I have a sense of command. That's personal agency. Okay. Self efficacy is the belief that I can do it because I've developed the competency to be able to do this. Right. I believe I can go shoot this video because I've shot videos before. And so my confidence in shooting videos is high because I have shot videos before. I said I want to shoot videos. Intention. I shot videos. Action. I shot a lot of videos. Consistency. Therefore I have confidence in that specific realm. You got it. And so this is what is important. Most people never break this down. Your current level of confidence has actually been shaped by your past and how many intentions you set. How often you showed up and you turned that intention into initiative, action. And how often you stayed with it. Consistency or congruence, it's your confidence is often your mind rewarding you for intention, action and consistency or congruence with that intention. So it's like if my intention is to be great husband and I take all these actions to. To demonstrate great husband and I'm congruent in my behavior and the way I talk about my wife and how I live my life with great husband, then confidence, good husband, right? I know that's so junior varsity, but do you guys get this? So if you are lacking confidence, guess what? I bet you and I could sit down right now. Imagine if we sat down for some lunch. Gluten free. Let's go. We sat down for some lunch, you and me. We sat down and we talked about your confidence. I bet you and I, if we had a real thoughtful conversation, we could.

Track it back to.

Okay, let's talk just even like the last six months. Have you been intentional with your days? Did you set that goal? Think about what you wanted? Did you take action towards it and were you consistent? Those three things have led to a net effect of confidence. Those three things have filled your confidence tank, whether you knew it or not. But here's the incredible, powerful, beautiful thing. Write this down. Because once you know this, you get to take back control. Once you know this game changes. Once you know this different world. I figured this out about when I was 21 years old. I didn't have the confidence that I felt like I needed to have to kind of go live the life. I wanted to have deep relationships to enjoy my time with other people, to, you know, succeed my career, to write, to learn to be good in social situations. And so here's what I did. Like, even in social situations, people like, oh, it's like I'm just, I'm so awkward in social situations. And so I go in social situations and I'm just by the punch, more by myself. And I go, okay, what was your intention? What do you mean? Well, I. What do you mean? Well, I just showed up, you know, and I went to social networking and it was awkward and you know, so I just was there and I felt awful and I don't have any confidence anymore. So you didn't have an intention to connect with one person in that room? You didn't take one action to fulfill that intention and you didn't say consistent by doing that with maybe two or three other people? No, I just got there and I was awkward. So think about that. Think how many times you just got there and you were awkward versus I am going to go to this party, I am going to meet one person, I'm going to have one good conversation, I'm going to make somebody laugh, I'm going to make a new friend. Just one. Just one. Not the whole room. I'm not going to win the earth. I'm not going to be the life of the party. One person. You didn't have that intention to go really connect and find one new connection? Well, no, I just went there and did what? Well, I just went there and was awkward. So you went there. Did your intention say I'm going to go there and be awkward? No. But is that what your action demonstrated? Uh oh. Your actions are demonstrating intention or lack thereof. Your actions, my friend, are demonstrating intention or lack of. They're of. Omg. See, I used to just go show up and I was super awkward and I've got no problems. And I know you guys are like, you're still awkward, dude. I know, but I would literally show up and I'd just be like, eh. And I would just, I would just react, I would show up fearful. My intention was I hope I don't make an ass of myself. How's that for a positive statement? Intention? No, a better intention would have been I'm going to show up, make great connection with one person. I'm going to focus on one person that will make me feel comfortable and then I will move from there. No, no, instead I said, I hope I don't make an ass of myself. And with that intention, what do you do? You follow that line with action you Go hide in a corner. That's it. Lacking intention. It just. It's the kill. It's the killer of confidence. And I need you to get this tonight because once you have this, everything can change.

Okay, my friend. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Brendon Show. Tell some people about this episode. It's on each of us to spread positivity and empowerment during these times of chaos and negativity, right? So I'm asking you to be the dealer of hope and personal growth and education in your tribe. So take a screenshot right now and share the screenshot and this link to this episode with three of your friends today. Post it on social media. Use the hashtag growthday. That's growthday, because that's the name of my company and we're always giving away prizes to our community. If you'd like to help me personally, then please rate and review the podcasts on Apple Podcasts. Give us some stars, cheer us on, leave a review. Because believe it or not, that stuff actually really does help. And I read all of them. So my last thought for today, please remember, you are stronger than you think and the future holds good things for you. Tomorrow can be an inspired day. Every new morning is a second chance. Every day is a great day to grow. We're thankful to have you here in the Growth Day community, so be sure to go deeper with us@growthday.com.

Sam.