Secrets to Increasing Confidence

Reveal uncertainty. This one is the opposite dynamic of how I used to think of confidence, right? We think of confident people as people are just like, bum, bum, bum, bum. You know, it's like Wonder Woman, right? Is confident. We think of Superman is confident who just knows everything, really what it turns out to be. High performers are a lot. Listen to this.

High performers are a lot less Superman and a lot more Clark, Kentucky.

That's what it turned to be in all the research with millions of data points. In all of my conversations, high performers were much more likely to reveal things like, I don't know. Things like, I'm unsure. Things like, how do you think this should go? Things like, could you kind of help me with this? Like, high performers literally explicitly share that they don't know how it's going, they don't know how it's supposed to go, that they need some help, that they need some mentorship, that they need some guidance. That's confidence. Confidence is not holding back the deck of cards of your weaknesses. Confidence is a comfort with vulnerability. And when people say vulnerability, they often don't know what they mean. When we're talking about vulnerability specifically related to confidence and high performance, like measurable outcomes, the thing that we can measure and see is that high performers in group meetings, in team meetings, in social situations more often share their insecurity. They more often say, I don't know how this is supposed to go. Or they'll be the person at that fruit punch bowl who says, I don't really know anybody here. I don't really know how to start to meet some of these people. Could you introduce me to somebody? And that's how they handle the social networking, where they're awkward. Instead of just sitting back at the punch bowl, drowning their sorrows and feeling bad about themselves, they engage the person next to them, say, hey, you know what? I feel kind of awkward here. I don't know a lot of people. Could you introduce me? That's how high performers are handling little situations in life. They're not the most confident person in the meeting who goes, I know everything here. They're the most confident going, you know what? I don't know this. Here's my question. What do you guys think? And that is how you lead confidently. You reveal that you don't know everything. Saying, I don't know is power, not weakness. But you've been trying to do too many things on your own. And that's one reason you don't have the confidence you deserve at this stage of your life. Because, see, I Didn't want to start with my definition of confidence for you because I want you to be thinking about it, but I'd like to share it. Now that we've talked about defining and measuring. The way I look at confidence is I think the confidence that matters the most is the confidence in one's belief in our ability to figure things out. That's what I believe confidence to be. Do I believe in my ability to figure things out? Not do I know things? Because it's not always true. There's a lot of things I don't know. But do I believe in my ability to figure things out? Now there I'm confident. Not because I'm smart, because I'm good at asking. I'm going to saying, you know what? I don't know how to do this. What do you guys think? And I hope this is settling in for you because sometimes your confidence is so low because you think your confidence is correlated with what you know versus what you're willing and able to go figure out by revealing that you don't know. Got it. Next big practice for you that will really help is small changes plus integration. This one comes from my wife, if you didn't know. My wife opened two exercise studios throughout her career. Very, very successful at it, Ultimately sold them. And today, literally this morning in the car, I said, okay, I'm going to teach this thing on confidence. Like, what would you teach, honey? She's led lots of big teams and had extraordinary quality of life. And I said, okay, well, tell me how. What would you say? She says, well, to gain confidence, people need to make small changes. Not always go for the biggest thing, but make small changes and see themselves making those changes and then integrate that into their identity. Integration, if you heard me talk about it, it's a big topic in high performance. It's one of the reasons successful people often don't feel like successful people or successful people don't feel confident because they've never integrated the wins, the W I N S wins. They've had a lot of wins in their life, but they never stopped and said, wow, I really appreciate that I got a little better today. I really appreciate that, Put myself out there. I'm proud of myself for trying here. You know what? I am a little stronger because I did that thing. To acknowledge that you've gained some strength is everything to confidence, isn't it? Write it down to acknowledge that you gained some strength. Look, if you had two kids and you survived, you've gained some strength, you get a little more confidence in Life, I mean, come on, what else do you have to be through if you've already made some money in your business? But it's always more, more, more, more, more, and you never stop to go, wow, I really came from nothing. I made some money here. And you never integrated the win in your identity. Your identity stays the same level over here, even though you've actually accomplished a lot over here. And I see that all the time. It's why I see people who are the same level of confidence in their 20s and 30s, and now they're 50 and 60 leading other people, but they're completely wracked with insecurity. Every night they feel like crap. They don't know what they're doing. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, you should have so much more confidence. You should feel good about yourself and integrate some of these wins. So what small changes could you make in, let's say, the next 30 days that you could celebrate? Simple, small ones, like if you just did little things, like maybe you do five extra reps at the gym, or you stay for 10 extra minutes, or at work, you decide you're going to share one new idea a week. You don't have to change the world. You don't have to innovate the world. You don't have to take us to Mars. You just say, okay, at work. I, I'm going to share one more idea every week at work, and I'm going to celebrate that every time I do it each week. By the end of the week or by the end of the month. I've shared four brand new ideas. Those are small. That's small. You can do that small. It's one thing. Little things. So think about your health. What small wins could you have in your health? Maybe next time you go to the grocery store, you just don't get the bag of chips. And that's a small win for the day because that prevents you from eating the whole bag of chips tonight or tomorrow. Nothing against chips, so don't attack me, but I think it's really important that you identify in your health, as a parent, in your career. What are some small changes you can make? It doesn't have to be a big global brand change. It might be one more little thing that you do and then that one more little thing that's important for you to log it, recognize it, integrate it so that you're getting stronger. If you don't acknowledge it, you can't get stronger.

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