Stop Letting Others Control Your Life

What are the most common positive life outcomes? These are things like life satisfaction, like fitness, happiness, like confidence. These are results that you create. Courage isn't your trait. Courage is a positive life outcome that you have now that you built up to now. I'm telling you guys, give yourself this gift. You got to shift your attention. You shift someone's attention, you shift their life. Once I got prioritized, I got rich. Once I got prioritized, I reached more people. Prioritization is sexy. I'm trying to tell you what the science is showing what we can shift. Now I started with the simple one, a personality. Because I want to break the ideas that most people have. That, that does not shift, that shifts significantly throughout people's lives. Especially in those events we talked about. Those events of what I call in my coaching practice. Those are events of transition. An event of transition. Some psychologists might call it like a critical incident or a critical transition period. Graduation, new job, new town, new relationship, new peer group, new opportunity. All these times we see significant shifts in our thoughts, feelings and behaviors over a period of time. Well, what else? Well, you can shift what are called your positive life outcomes. Little bit more jargon again for the non psychologists, but positive life outcomes. So this is who you are, okay? These are your traits, your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Think about positive life outcomes as your results. The ability to shift some of these results is way more than they think. What are the most common positive life outcomes? The things that shift here. These are things like life satisfaction. These are things like fitness. These are things like happiness. These are things like confidence. These are things like positive emotions. These are results that you create. Plus yes. Income, happiness, confidence, productivity, income, your influence with others, your levels of courage, resilience, the quality of relationships that you report, have, how much you're engaged at work, engaged, not fake work, real work. Excellence in the quality of the work that you do, your success compared to peers, meaning both your income and your output and their 360 degree evaluations of you and life satisfaction. Just from using growth day, being in this community and your increased scores in your high performance habits, which is your life score section of growth day, those measurably improve across the research. Now think about that. Most people don't think they can change those things. If I say courage to you, no, I'm just the way I am. I'm not a courageous person. Well, courage isn't your trait. Courage is a positive life outcome that you have now, that you built up to now. Same thing with your income. Your income is incredibly shiftable. And we're gonna talk about that. Like, these things, you can shift. So there's hope. If you look at this list, I want you to look at this. Is there anything up there you need to change? And if there is, keep doing what you're doing. This work changes your outcomes over a period of time. No one's here. I've never been that guy who comes up to you and, like, you can change your life in a second. I was like, oh, you're about to sell me, like, caffeine, huh? Like, it's not that I don't believe we can't shift. Like, I've already taught, we can make radical shifts. But I also know it takes time. And if you honor the struggle and the time that takes, and you stay conscientious in doing your personal development, all roads lead to positive outcomes over a period of time. All roads lead. But it's when you disengage with your growth, when you disengage with your good practices, when you disengage with who you really are, then we see decreases in all of these. It means you can shift your results. Okay, what else can we shift here? We know from the research this is a strange phrase as well, but let me explain it to you. Pure achievement. So what does this mean? I'll put verses up here so it makes sense. Your level of achievement versus your peers can be shifted. So in corporate America, your level of achievement as an engineer can be shifted with skills training versus those who don't. You want to be a better leader and evaluate better, you can shift that versus other leaders with skills based training. How much your kid succeeds in high school is not based on their personality alone. How many? Understand, this is why, like, if your kid who's pretty talented at baseball gets a coach, and the other kid who's pretty talented at baseball doesn't get a coach, the one with the coach is gonna win. Meaning you can significantly pull the levers of achievement by getting coaching, by getting mentoring, by getting skills training. Now, Growth Day obviously knows this. Why would I spend a frigging 40 minutes telling you all this? You already have the growth mindset. I tell you this because you're too cynical about how much you can change. You forgot you have a lot of levers. And sometimes you're trying to pull one lever. I got a new morning routine. I'm like, hey, new morning routines. That's that 1% stuff they talk about that can make a big shift. But if we take a more comprehensive look about how we can change if we're more thoughtful about it. Now we can understand that. We can shift our ocean. Remember the acronym. You might put that on your notes just for that was that first slide. Ocean. You can truly make a tidal shift in the ocean of your life. Your openness, your conscientiousness, your extroversion, your agreeableness, your neuroticism. You can increase every result in your life and you can increase your results versus your peers. Now the most fundamental question of, of all of personal development, Brendon, is effing how. And that's our job today is the how. That's my job as a coach is the how for everyone in the room who already coaches or wheel coach in your life. That's the how. That's why they pay you. You're paid to push, but you're paid to push these levers with them because the how is where everyone gets all mixed up. But here's the thing, most people, because they fail on the how, they start questioning the possibility, well, I failed to change my life before Brendan, so I don't believe it's possible. My husband failed the change before so I don't believe he can. Society keeps getting meaner to each other because I'm on X and I just believe that's true. So society can't change. There's still Democrats and Republicans. It's all going to hell. So we tell ourselves these story because we haven't figured out the how. But once you crack the how with people, I mean, life gets elegant. Life gets like other level. Like I believe in change at a level that most people can't comprehend. They just like, how can you believe in change that much? Because I've seen humans change at levels you've never imagined. From the worst atrocities and grief and traumas to genuinely happy, caring, generous, thoughtful, fun humans. Who's ever seen dramatic transformations in people's lives? Y' all seen that. When that's your career, that's hope. When that's your career, that's true joy. When that's your career, everything shifts. That's what I love about it.

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I the how I'd like to give you a simple framework and then we're going to do some sharing together. So what's this magical thing in the middle that can change each of these? Well, at basic levels, remember today, this morning, I'm starting basic. We're going to build up this afternoon. We'll after lunch. Like, that's a little too advanced, friend. I'm like, but that's why we're here. Okay, out of here. We know from research, big picture stuff, very simple. You want to shift somebody's thoughts, feelings, emotions, their positive results and how they succeed versus those around them. The first thing you have to shift in the research is their attention. Who knows? You need to shift in your attention right now, please. I'm telling you guys, give yourself this gift. You gotta shift your attention. You shift someone's attention, you shift their life. And I'm using very direct and exacting language. I'm not using the word focus here in pop psychology or personal development. That became a thing from people who don't actually study life change. I just thought it would be cool. Attention is a longer utilization of time. Focus is right now. Focus on your homework, honey. Right? Attention to succeeding in school is different. Raise your hand if I follow. Okay. Focus on your morning workout. Attention to your health. Raise your hand if you follow. Okay. This is the difference between the people who tell you, you can change your life right now. I'm like, oh, yeah, I can change your focus right now. And yeah, you change. That doesn't change your life. That changed your focus. That's different. Attention to things that are positive in our life. Attention to creating positive life outcomes over a period of time. It's why no general practitioners, whether they're a coach or a therapist, whether they're medically licensed or they've just spent years helping transform people. They all know transformation takes time. They're not the short sellers on the Internet. They understand like, oh, actually this is going to take her time. She's not going to lose 20 pounds in this next Wednesday. Right? It's just like, we have to. Our attention to health becomes something that is a dominant attention, not just micro focusing. And that's what I started calling it because a lot of people keep selling focus. I'm like, we got to Talk. We got to teach people the difference between these things. I can focus on eating a good meal, right? Focus on choosing a good meal at the restaurant. That's good. But attention to your overall health, a systematic, programmatic, or what science would call conscientious approach to health is way more important than the diet or the fad. So I'm hoping that metaphor is sticking. Your attention will have to shift. We're going to talk about that this afternoon. What else? Action. You all know that. That's obvious. Let me give you the acronym for the type of action, okay? You got to shift your attention every day. Many of you are way too attentive to other people's lives. If you put as much attention on the positive outcomes in life that you wanted than on how much you scroll other people's lives. Radical shift. Radical shift. We got to steal your life back. They stole it. You got to bring it back. Everyone say, I own my life. When you own the thing, you pay attention to the thing. When you outsourced it, you forgot it. And many of you outsource your attention to Instagram. So you've forgotten where your attention in life needs to be. And I don't say that too harshly. It's a societal attention problem. Right? We've forgotten where the attention needs to be. If you believe in God or creator, on him and on the positive outcomes and relationships of your life. Right, Those two things. I'm attentive to my relationship with my creator or my God, and I'm attentive to the positive outcomes and relationships I'm trying to build in my life. Those two things get a lot of my attention. Way more attention than other people's stuff or other people's posts. Every day, some huge mega influencer text me. Did you see my post? Every day. And every day I go type in no. And I used to type in, oh, no, I'm sorry, I'm so busy. Da, da, da, da. I just type in no. Oh, you might have a look at it. I go, no. I'm just not. Like, if it's important, it will get to me. And that level of boundary setting for what's important to me, my personal and spiritual life, the relationships of my life, they get so much attention. Like abnormal levels of attention in thought, in feeling, in action. Those are important. I need you to get your attention back. I need you to get your action back. What does action mean? Pda. Now, for those who traveling, I don't mean make out with the person next to you pda. Listen, write this down. P is prioritized. What? Prioritized. Any high conscientious people in the room. You love prioritization. Once I got prioritized, I got rich. Once I got prioritized, I pleased my wife more. Once I got prioritized, I reached more people. Prioritization is sexy. Nothing worse than a person without priorities. And we know that from their life outcomes. Because remember, this is in the middle. Your ability to take. Prioritize. What's the word? Daily action. That's what we mean by action. Lots of people take lots of action, but it's a hot mess of action with no priority. Prioritized daily action means I am taking action that serves the best of who I am. I'm taking action that serves the best of who I am. The positive life outcomes I'm after in my life and serves those around me that I lift up. Prioritize daily action. And I love this one because there's this idea that we're just gonna have. You know, we all have to create just habits and routines that we do every day. And I believe that. I'm a habit guy. I wrote a book on it. But even when you read the book, you can tell I'm talking about attention to habits more than just specific things. And what I mean by that is each day you can run a routine. Each day, lots of people have amazing biohacked routines that are like, awesome. And every day while they have those good routines, they're not prioritizing daily action towards the outcomes they want. So they're doing good routines. Yet each day their actions are not prioritized to the outcomes they want. Can you see how both those can exist? Both those things can exist. Both those things can exist. So when you understand that, you shift. You're like, oh, every day. Yeah, it's why I like the High performance planner. It's like every day I make you ride it out. Why? Because if you don't, you lose track of it. And now you're just doing stuff. Most people who struggle with their earning in their life, including coaches I work with all the time, they're doing stuff all day, but it's not prioritized. There's a lot of things that if you actually prioritize each day, would not appear on the day's list. Like, in general, for most people at least, the research shows we could Easily drop off 40% of the stuff you're doing each week. 40%? Not 80, 20 like most people think. The research is more of 40%. You can drop off almost 40%. These are called often non actions. It was a task, but really it was just no reason. There was no priority to it. You could have skipped it and had the same results.