The Happiness Triangle: The Secret Blueprint to What We All Desire
21 Sept 2023 · 16 min
In this September 21, 2023 podcast, Brendon Burchard argues that authentic human connection is the foundational ingredient for true wealth, personal fulfillment, and high performance. He opens by emphasizing that everyone—from teenagers to spouses, teams, and families—craves deep, real connection, especially after the isolation of recent years. Burchard shares a personal narrative of a painful breakup at 19 that left him feeling "caged," leading to depression and suicidal thoughts. He describes how a mentor’s genuine outreach helped him break out of that cage, prompting his lifelong pursuit of personal development, psychology, and neuroscience. From this story he extracts practical insights: the "two beats longer" technique (holding eye contact or a moment of presence for a couple of extra seconds), intentional moments of presence with loved ones, and the importance of small gestures like a voicemail or a kind word. He introduces the "Happiness Triangle"—Aliveness, Connection, and Meaningful Pursuits—as the four universal desires, explaining that meaning is not a distant destination but can be experienced in the present when we align these three elements. Burchard critiques the post‑pandemic social media culture that fuels hate and disconnection, urging listeners to create intentional moments, reconnect with family, and recognize that they already lead meaningful lives. Throughout, he blends motivational storytelling with actionable advice, urging the audience to give themselves credit, practice presence, and view the journey and destination as one.
Chapters
Connection. We've got to remember how important that is for people. You got to remember how important that is for each other. You want greater wealth in your life. The only way is doing better in connection. It's the only way. What we all want is connection. Connection. That's why we're here. This gathering, this connection, this belonging. Everybody wants it and they want it more than you think. Your jerk teenager wants this more than you think. Your jerk spouse wants this more than you think. Your team wants us more than you will ever know. Your family needs it more than you can ever comprehend. Authentic, deep, real connection with other people is what we're all craving. Especially after the difficulties of the prior years. Real friendship, real connection. You're selling that as much as you're selling energy. Belonging. Who has an awesome team here at Beachbody? Who's got an awesome team? When you got an awesome team, it's a whole different game. You crushed it. The wealthiest, most successful people up on this stage, they didn't master selling. They mastered connection. Lots of people can sell, but they don't connect, so they don't build. You gotta understand that powerful need of real connection. Just one voicemail can change somebody's life. One moment of encouragement, one recognition, one simple gesture of kindness. This is what our world needs to figure out. Connection. We've gotta remember how important that is for people. You gotta remember how important that is for each other. You want greater wealth in your life. The only way is doing better in connection. It's the only way you can get smart. You can have autonomy and confidence and influence. You can do all the things. But if you can't create connection, you will never have wealth. Not the real wealth that matters. You might have money, but you'll never have wealth. Who knows what I'm talking about? You gotta figure this one out. This has to be important for you. Because when this is removed from people, their life, their aliveness, and literally their life is compromised. Five years ago, I shared on this stage with you all about how I began my journey in personal development. Because I had a car accident. Apparently accidents are a thing. I mean, I'm not doing it for the speech. I just got problems. What had happened was, as a 19 year old kid, the worst thing that could happen for someone like me. I fell in love. I didn't know anything about the world. I was a young and dumb, naive kid. I fell in love. High school sweetheart, we go to college together. That relationship fell apart. And when that relationship fell apart, I fell apart. I didn't have the emotional Tools to deal with the sadness, the anger, the depression that came from the breakup. Anyone ever been through that? Like, you're stunned that you. I mean, you're totally. The breakup totally stuns you that you can't deal with was me, certainly at 19. And the only reason I changed later on was because I realized that what I really had gotten to was a point of almost no return. I call it the caged life. The caged life is when you feel like you're in a cage and everybody else is separate. I had my heart broken, so I was in the cage. Now. I stopped connecting with people. They were passersby, but there was these bars of hurt between us that I had to heal. Because what happens when you're in the cage? Imagine, like a wild animal trapped in a cage at a zoo. You've seen it or you've heard it, or the metaphor might resonate, because the first couple days are there, they're shaking. They're, like, so angry. They're shaking. The bars, they're like. They're just so angry. They want to be free. They're upset, they're hurt. They want to go back to the way it was. They're caged in the past or caged in the moment. They're so angry. But you return a week later. Now they're away from the bars and they're just watching, indignantly upset. Everything's unfair. Nothing's right. I didn't deserve this. This is the point of no return. If somebody doesn't connect with them and pull them and help them, what happens is the worst of human mentalities come in. Now you return two weeks, three weeks, four months, five months later, they're in the back of the cage. They're down. They're looking at everybody else, and they're like these people. They don't understand me. And then that becomes sadness and real depression. For me, it became suicide. I didn't think anyone understood. And when you're there, you need to know that you're there. And when you're there, the only thing that's going to bring you back is the guts to get up or to be pulled up by somebody, to open up and to go back up to the front again. And being able to rattle the cage of your own mindset, to get some help, to get some support, to be vulnerable enough to say, hey, guys, I'm Dak here. Everyone forgot about me. I feel terrible. And sometimes someone else rattles the cage. A mentor, a friend, a family member, for me, noticed I was in a hard Place and ask, what's going on with you? And they meant it. It was real. And it opened me up a little bit. I started sharing. Later on. I was in an accident, and I realized I wasn't suicidal. I didn't want to die. I didn't know how to live. That was it. That was it. I didn't want to die. I didn't know how to live. I was 19. I didn't know how to be happy. I didn't know how to deal with these emotions. I was so upset. That's why I got into personal development, started reading psychology. It's why I got in neuroscience. Human behavior change ultimately became high performance work was because I was trying to say, well, how do you change when you're so down on yourself? And I know we can get there, but see, everyone wants connection. And sometimes, if you put that triangle back up here, sometimes we don't realize that those things are connected. See, you might be a vibrant, joyous, passionate, amazing, flowing woman, but if your connection at home sucks, does that impact things? Of course it does. Some real nods there. Okay? Sometimes those things go together. You can save people's lives when you help them be connected again. Connected to themselves, connected to humanity. Why does everyone feel so down after the last two years? Well, we lost a lot of people. A lot of connection went away. What happened? We got stuck in the social media cycle of hating everybody. Everyone hates everybody. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. And then what happens? Well, all the hate, lack of connection, division between people, all of a sudden steals away our aliveness. The most important thing you're ever gonna do with your family is reconnect. Just like I had to say, Listen, you have to feel the day again right now. You have to make moments again. Write it down. Make moments again. Connection is about moments with people. It's about being fully present and intentional with them. Making a moment of connection on purpose, choosing to do it, seeing the other person. You all know as parents, sometimes kids be running around all you. You're just. You're managing and organizing everything. You're doing everything. But you forget like a mo. You might go three, four days and go, oh, my God, I haven't even. I haven't even made a moment. I haven't even looked this child in the eyes for three days. I just been handling them stuff. Tell them to clean up stuff. You forgot the moments. I wrote a book called the Motivation Manifesto, and in the last chapter of the book, I talked about the importance of learning to hold a second or two. What I Call two beats longer with people. When you meet them, look at them for two seconds longer. Just two beats longer. You put your kid to bed two beats longer. There with real presence. You kiss your babe two seconds longer on that kiss. Usually people cheer that part, but I don't know what's happening. I'm here. It's weird. It's too early. It's too early. Too early, too early. Two seconds longer. Two beats longer. Connection again. Authenticity. Like I force myself to do it. I don't shake a hand and leave. I shake the hand. One, two, I see you. Write it down. One, two, I see you. We gotta get better at that as a culture. Can I get an amen on a Saturday, ladies and gentlemen? I mean, we got. You wanna change the aliveness and the energy. You gotta reconnect. You gotta make moments again. What else? So I said, there's four things that everybody wants. Number one, aliveness. Number two, connection. Number three, meaningful pursuits. Everybody wants meaning, but it's not meaning. Lots of people have a meaningful life, but they don't feel alive or connected. Why the second word, pursuits? Humans need ambitions and goals. Humans need to engage in a process that they feel like matters. Humans need to help each other in a meaningful way. That's what you're all doing here. Sometimes when you're starting a new business or your new opportunity, what we all end up doing is we get in our own little brain a little silo, and we're looking at the bank account or the product in the closet or the things we're thinking about and we forget serving people. See, every one of you already has a meaningful life. You just haven't taught yourself to feel it yet. Let me say it again. Every one of you already has a meaningful life. You just haven't taught yourself to feel it yet. Or you don't feel it consistently enough. So you've told your brain, oh, well, when I'm diamond or when I'm this wealthy or when the kids are out of the house. Please, God. When you say something to yourself that then you'll feel like things are all right. You know that old saying, it's not about the journey, it's about the. No, I got that backwards. Right? It's not about the destination, it's about the. Let me ask you a question. What if that's wrong? It's not about the destination, it's about the journey. What if that's wrong? What if the destination is here now and the journey is here now, and they're not separate? What if the meaning is already right here. You don't have to go through a journey to get through the destination. What if you could give yourself some credit that you already made it? Babe, You're here. Good God, you survived. You've been through a lot of stuff, and you're here. Maybe the meaning is in this moment already. Maybe there's a reason that you're here in this audience next to the person you're next to right now, who you met the person next day you worked out today. Maybe there's meaning in this moment, not the destination. Someday that you go through the journey. No, no, right now. The journey and the destination, they're the same thing. It's right now. It's right now. And you get to choose. Just like you get to choose aliveness. And you get to make those moments. You get to choose to feel meaning. Meaning. But you gotta give yourself credit. Some of you are so hard on yourself. I can't do this. I'm like, you had kids. I don't know if I can do this. I'm like, you burned the child. What else? More. And they're. And they like you. You did that. And you're worried that your neighbor might think you're funny because of you're asking them to do something. No, no, no. You don't give yourself credit. But see, we're already living meaningful lives if we're trying to get better. See? Is this true? Tell me if this is true or false. I would guess that meaning would come from three things. First is we feel like we're living a joyous and meaningful life if we're trying to live an energized and authentic and a fun life. Who's trying to do that here? Who's trying to live an energized, fun and authentic life? Okay, that's number one, right? Number one, great. There's meaning there. Number two, who loves your family and is trying to provide for them even more? No. Think about it. Really feel it. Put your hand on your heart and repeat with me, I love my family. I'd like to provide even more. I love my family. I'd like to provide even more. Now raise your hand if that is true. Isn't that meaningful enough? Doesn't that count? Doesn't that mean you're on the right path? Third thing I think is true is that if we try to inspire or help other people, there's meaning in that, isn't there? Like waking up and thinking about other people, trying to help and inspire them. Isn't that something? Isn't that why we're all here. Isn't that what we brought together? Is this the reason we're here? To help and inspire people? Yes or no? Of course. Of course, of course. But we lose the connection with those things. We forget to remind ourselves. So we think meaning will exist out there. So let me do a favor for you, actually. Turn your cameras on. Face them up here. I'm gonna tell you something. This is for you. Don't put it on social media. This is for you. Watch this later. I'm not asking for social media. I got plenty of those people. This is for you. This is for you. You're already living a meaningful life. You just have to remind yourself to feel it again. You have to give yourself credit again. Because you're somebody who wants to live a fun and authentic and energized life. And you're trying to do that. Good for you. You're somebody who loves your family and you want to ride more. Give yourself credit for that. You've come a long way. You're somebody who wants to help and inspire people, and you chose to do that. That's why you have this video on your phone you're watching later. Because you chose to be somewhere where you could learn how to help and inspire more people. Give yourself credit for that. You're already living a meaningful life. You already matter. Now please teach yourself to feel it again. You deserve it.