The Impulse

We stopped learning on the job and now we blame the job, the industry. But when you first got there, it was like first dating. You were learning so much. If you're not succeeding at the level you want, you're not learning at the level you need to be. You're in charge of your learning. The breakthroughs in this room happens from what you're writing down more than what I'm saying. You're learning about your life by me opening up a gate on a topic. If you stand at the side and watch everybody else move forward, you're poisoning your potential, not showing anything to the man. There is no next level without next level learning. There's two impulses that I really believe drive great success at work. So we're going to jump right back in. And those impulses that we all have. When you began whatever your career was, you were curious, you were ready to learn. You went to that new job and your eyes were wide open and you thought, what's this gonna be like? And you were excited about it, and you were excited to meet all the co workers and learn about their families and what did they do? And you were trying to look things up online constantly, and you were just in learning mode. The impulse when you start something new, that learning is magic. Who still has curiosity in their hearts? Oh, that is such a beautiful feeling. Such a beautiful feeling. Except for most people, it's fleeting. And so you can watch someone's trajectory at work is when their curiosity about the people around them and the job and the industry and the strategy, it starts to wane. And this is actually a very natural thing, right? It's a very natural thing. You know, when you were in high school history class, you, you know, the first three weeks you're kind of like, what's this about? And then by week five and six and seven, you were falling asleep on the history teacher. Just me. Okay, just checking. You know, sometimes when you're in something over a period of time, the curiosity goes away. Some of you had this happen in marriages. You're so curious, excited to learn about them, know everything about them. And now you're five years in, you can't remember their families names. You know, when you're dating, you're learning everything, and then later you stop asking the questions. The impulse at the beginning is curiosity and learning. But what we know from psychology is over a period of time, it actually becomes more of a fixed mindset. You kind of drop into a pattern and that impulse to be curious and to add new value actually tends to go away. You fall into a specific narrow view of who you are, what you do, what you're capable of, and the impulse for adventurous value, adventurous learning, curiosity kind of goes away. And yet the impulse I'm going to talk about today isn't about that. That's the foundation to know that we all have that curiosity. Every person has that. Some people say, I'm just not that way, Brendan. I'm not a good learner. I'm not good curious. I'm like, no, no, no, you were. But that got cut off somewhere along the way. That got shut down somewhere along the way. Someone told you not to explore, or you explored and someone was mean to you. You tried new things, they diminished you at work, you tried new things. That person judged you. And this is why every single time I'm at this event, I just say, hey, listen, if you're still struggling now, you're still struggling with somebody who shut you down years ago, and you still feel shut down emotionally from something that happened a long time ago. That's the mental health conversation of getting a therapist, that's working with a professional who can help you work through the blocks that make you feel shut down at this stage of your life. And it's not just about years ago. Something could have happened three, four months ago, and you still might need a therapist to talk through things with. If it's not a therapist, a professional, a coach or somebody, therapists obviously more on the mental health side and dealing with traumas and real difficulties, and coaches, more of that moving forward piece. But whether you know that distinction or not, the important thing is that if you feel shut down, you might not call it that. A lot of people wouldn't say they're shut down. But if I ask, do you feel like you're not as curious or interested in learning anymore? And if they say yes, then we know that they're shut down somewhere. Someone judged, spoke to them with contempt, was critical, you know, was just mean. And so they just said, why even try? Why even try? I put myself out there, Brendan. You be assertive. Yeah, I tried to be assertive. You know what happened? They cut my neck off. And all of a sudden you, like, you got shut down, and the curiosity goes away. And another way to tell is if you're not as curious or interested anymore, honestly, if you're in the wrong time zone, if you're not in the future a little bit, there's somewhere you've been shut down, and it's time to explore that a little bit. Was there anybody or any situation that you just felt like you're so discouraged by, or you were so judged by that you're just like, forget it. Why even try? Because if that happened, you have to realize that's a time zone problem that's coming into the now in which you are required to learn, to advance to the next level. There is no next level without next level learning. There is no access to the next level of joy without access to the next level of learning about yourself. That learning impulse is so important, and you have to know when you have it or when you don't. I've never met somebody who really had true success in all areas of life who wasn't in that open state of mind. Curious, interested. They were always researching, looking things up, mimicking, learning, trying, interviewing people. They were just like so fascinated by it. They were fascinated. Some people would say they were even obsessed with their topic. They were constantly in R and D personally, they were constantly learning. And that constant learning led to constant application because they wanted to test. They were always in the scientific process. They were always trying, always putting something out there, always testing. And so when you check that particular impulse is, have I been learning? Have I been researching? Have I been looking into things? And if not, why, what happened? What happened recently or in the past that just. You kinda said, why? Why even try? The other impulse I wanna talk about is as that curiosity goes down, listen to this. As curiosity and learning goes down, quiet quitting goes up. Very unpopular topic. Because some people think quiet quitting is great. They're like, no, hey, if you're not getting paid enough, you know, just show up. Why do any extra for the person's not paying enough, which is a very popular phrase. And I don't have a particular judgment to that worldview. Everyone has different worldviews. I just know that when you quietly quit something, you just start going along with the motions, not trying to add more value, not trying to really engage. It has very little to do with the F you to the man. You know, you think you're saying, screw this person. They're not paying me anyway. Actually, the person you're screwing yourself is you. Because you're teaching yourself to. To hold back based on external reward. And that's very, very dangerous in psychology. If I don't do anything unless it's external reward, then I have no intrinsic drive, no cause for action that is of my own. In other words, I'm handing my personal power over when I quietly quit. Go through the motions, just do enough. Now, the reason I think it became a popular Conversation is because a lot of people are like, no, no, Brendan. They're quietly quitting because they're burned out. They're leaning back. Before, they were taking on too much, people got laid off. They had all this responsibility, so they were doing too much. And now they're just going, I'm not going to do as much because I'm burned out and undercompensated. I'm like, if that's the reality, Assertiveness. You got to raise the flag when you're burned out. You got to ask for help. You got to ask for the comp that you desire. All of those things are true. But beware of the impulse that says quit. Beware of that. Because the funny thing about quitting is the brain tells you just to quit everything. It becomes a mischievous brain that says, f this, all of it. And you throw it. You want to throw out all of everything. Anyone ever been there before? You're like, you want to burn it down. That's where the quitting brain comes in. Burn it down. End the marriage, quit the job. Screw this neighborhood in town. Forget this progress I got. Forget this team, forget this network. Forget, I'm out, bitches. And that mentality. That mentality ends up being corrosive. Be careful what you teach your brain to do. Your consistent actions. If you're always holding back because you're quiet, quitting, not going to exert yourself, not going to try anymore, that impulse can quickly lead to apathy. And I don't know about you, but I've never seen a reality that is different than the truth. That where there is apathy, there is no excellence. And we have to know, have I quit because I'm discouraged? Have I quit because something happened? Am I quit because something external, that impulse to quit often comes right after you lose the passion of learning. The passion of learning has stopped now. What most people say is they'll blame the thing, blame the job, blame the boss, blame the partner without realizing, oh, the quitting isn't on those things. I stopped learning as much. So I'm blaming those things for my condition or my mentality or my joy. When you are in a state of learning and curiosity, you'll stay longer. You'll just stay so much longer at something. But remember, you're the one in charge of that. Who's in charge of your learning? Me? Yeah. Not me. You. You're in charge of your learning. The breakthroughs in this room happens from what you're writing down more than what I'm saying. You're learning about Your life by me opening up a gate on a topic. But it's really important for understand, it's like, oh, if you're not learning about your spouse, watch what happens. Stop learning about your spouse, which means stop asking questions, stop being curious about her, stop being interested in her, stop trying to understand her thoughts, feelings, needs, desires. You stop actively trying to learn about her. And so you start quitting on the relationship and then you blame her and you leave the relationship. You leave her because your lack of active engagement and continuing to learn about a woman who's still evolving, who understands what I'm talking about. Yeah, that applies to your job. See, we stop learning on the job and now we blame the job, the industry, the boss. But when you first got there, it was like first dating, you were learning so much. And so I tell people, if you're not succeeding at the level you want, you're not learning at the level you need to be. If you're not succeeding at the level you want, you're not learning at the level you need to be. And no one is in charge of the learning but you. Because you're the person who owns the dream. You're the person in charge of manifesting the dream. Everyone raise your hand, say I own my dream. Turn to the president, shake em real good and say, you own your dream. Yeah, yeah, you own your dream, but your dream just gets more distant the less you learn. That curiosity and that passion for learning feel that happens naturally in novel environments. We know from neuroscience, all your brain activation, if we can just generalize it like that, is way higher in novel environment. The longer you're in a consistent environment, the less that activation will happen because you kind of have this default mode network in your brain. Says I'm familiar with this, I don't have to pay his attention as much. The issue that happens is we take our eye off the learning when it becomes normal or comfortable. And some of you have been in your careers fairly long time and it's time to reset yourself and go, oh, I gotta learn here again what's happening right now. Cause your job is gonna get disrupted by AI. Your job is gonna get disrupted by the economy, Your job is gonna get disrupted. So you need to. You're not on stable ground and that freaks people out. I'm not on stable ground. I'm like, nope. But you gotta get comfortable with that reality in the modern era. Cause who thinks chaos is gonna retreat anytime soon? Anyone? I'm like, no, you're in the battle with chaos. It is there, it's okay. People say, but, Brendan, you're making people feel unsafe. I'm like, well, the only danger we have is usually right up here. And so we have to be attentive to the impulse to learning and the impulse to quitting. But notice what I said usually is your passion and command of your own learning goes down about your spouse or your business. Your odds of quiet quitting go up. As quiet quitting goes up, you start to blame external measures versus your own engagement. And if you stand at the side and watch everybody else move forward, stand at the side. Well, those people stand at the side, will they get paid more? Stand at the side and you don't engage. You're poisoning your potential, not showing anything to the man. You gotta either change how you show up or change where you show up. And that's key. You are not meant to be a person not engaged in the fullness and the full powers of who you are. We were not given the gifts that we were given to not manifest them and to express them and to grow into them. You've been given an extreme amount of personal power, a stunning amount of personal control about your thoughts, feelings, desires, actions, daily habits, even how you show up in the world. And that should give you a sense of just indomitable will to engage. To engage. Like, listen, if we're back at war with chaos, just like back at war in real life, like when you are the superior power, when you're the superior power in battle, what do you do? You charge, right? The superior power doesn't sit around complaining. The superior power moves. Let's go. You charge, you take the field. You battle, you move forward. You forgot you have superior power because you're measuring it against something. External pay. How much she got ahead, what he said about it. You forgot you were built in the image of something pretty extraordinary.