The Power of People & Practices
5 Jul 2023 · 10 min
In this podcast episode, Brendon Burchard emphasizes the transformative power of being fully present in personal relationships and the role of structured daily practices in achieving a high‑performance life. He critiques the common lack of presence, noting that many people fail to simply listen and give space, even though it seems like common sense. Brendon highlights how mentors and peer groups can teach higher‑level practices, citing examples such as Natalie of Boss Babe, whose detailed operating system for life illustrates the impact of intentional routines. He draws parallels between professional organizers’ meticulous closet designs and the need for systematic personal habits, arguing that more practices shift a person from a defensive, reactive stance to an offensive, proactive one. Brendon stresses the importance of seeking coaches or accountability partners to audit calendars and routines. He shares a concrete “20‑minute listening” exercise taught by John Gray, where a partner must listen without interruption, using a watch to stay aware of time, thereby fostering deep presence and emotional safety. Throughout, Brendon encourages listeners to engage in groups, mentorship, and continuous learning to uncover life‑shifting insights, asserting that such insights can emerge from daily practice rather than waiting for a singular breakthrough.
Chapters
I know most people in their personal relationships don't give that kind of presence. They just don't. They don't. So that was life changing. That was life. Sometimes it's common sense. Be present with somebody for a little while, let them talk. But we don't do it, do we? So sometimes it's right in front of you. Common sense is not as common practice. But if you're not with the mentors who say those things to you, that's a higher level of practice. Who follows this? Yeah, that's why I got to be here. I'm here because of those groups and. And those practices. And I would love for everybody in this group at some point going through one of my groups or go through somebody else's group where you're just like, I got it. I understand it. Practices. Sometimes we just got to look. We just got to look at your practices. We gotta look at your practices. What are your practices in your marriage? When do you get to work? How do you work the day? How do you manage your schedule? Like, what's your process like? My friend Natalie, I think she's in the back. She's founder of Boss Babe and Natalie's. So. Yeah, yeah, she's like the home for the ambitious women. She's. Oh, unbelievable. I mean, literally, she totally gets this, right? She. She totally gets it. Home for ambitious women. And she has this thing, it's a whole operating system for her life. And it is so detailed and amazing. And I was like, yeah, okay, whatever. And then I watched it. I'm like, dang. Her practices are another level. Most people don't have any practices. Cause they're reacting all day. They're in defense. When you have more practices in your life, you're in offense, you are structuring life better. And sometimes you just need a coach to sit down with you. You need someone to look at your calendar. You need someone to walk through the day with you. Many of you have experienced a professional executive assistant or professional organizer. And you thought, oh, yeah. And I know some of you, I know some of you, you thought you did pretty good in your house one day. And then you turn on HGTV and you saw how those professional organizers do a closet. And you're like, oh, I don't know anything, because their practices are another level. Who knows what I'm talking about? Yeah, I remember my wife and I did that. We did a fancy closet. We thought it was a pretty fancy closet. And then one time I come in and she got the popcorn and the wine. She's watching this thing and she's like, watching this. People who are professionals do a closet, it's another. And you would think there's only one way to do a closet. Oh, no, let me tell you what it's a gentleman are like, what's he talking about? What I'm telling you, it's another level. Same thing in success. Successful people, they've got better practices to make themselves feel alive. They got better practices for handling conflict in relationships. They've got better practices for finding meaning and fulfillment even as they're pushing hard. They've got better practices to develop skill and competency and growth. And you got to find them, get in groups with them, mentor them, take their classes, read their books, listen their podcasts. Who geeks out on this kind of stuff? I love this stuff. I'm always on the hunt for that, those better practices. And I do all those things. I invest, I go to the courses, I get involved in the groups. Like how I meet so many people. It's like I'm always trying to figure out what is that better level practice. Not because I'm unsatisfied, because I just want to live life to the fullest anybody else. I just, I want to live life to the fullest. I want to live life to the fullest with the people around me. And that is where this last piece comes in. The people who you are around, what we called earlier, your peers. And I'm gonna make sure I underline peers. This is your environment. This is the people who you surround yourself with. This is the energy you are putting yourself in over and over and over in your life, with your mentor, with your group. Because even just two days together, I wanna be honest. I want you to be honest. Did anyone here have in two days, just two days together in this group, did anyone have in this large group in a two day period, have a life shifting insight? Something that shifted stand up. If you had a life shifting insight in two days. Let's go, Grote. In two days. Yeah. Oh, that's the clap you give for a life shifting insight. In two days. Have a seat. Congratulations. A life shifting insight. And here's what I would encourage if in two days you did not have a life shifting insight either. A, you're just one of those people like, I'm not standing up and participating anymore. Dude already made me hug four people. I said I'd hug four. I'm up to 10. What the? Seriously, dude. Or you're tired or your knee hurts, or you haven't been in a learning environment for so long that you find your own life shifting insights. See, I never go to a conference or a seminar or a meetup or a group expecting the stage to give it to me. I'm going to find a life shifting insight every day. Why do I read every morning for 30 or 40 minutes? Because I'm going to find something. And life shifting can be as simple as the simplest things. John Gray, one time, he wrote a book called Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. And he taught me this. He said, brendan, when you come home from your trips, when you're traveling, when you're out to work and you come home, if Denise is at the house, because she does those things, too, but if she's at the house first and you come in, what I want you to do, I want you to wear a watch. I go, wear a watch. He knows I don't usually wear a watch. I said, why do you want me to wear a watch? She goes, what I want you to do is I want you to come in the house before you come in the house. Put yourself in a good place when you come in. And when you get in there, I want you to glance down at your watch. Don't let her see you look at the watch. All right, man. Okay. And then all I want you to do is let her talk at you for 20 minutes. Now, be very careful. Don't let her see you do that, But I want you to be aware of the time, and I want you to let her talk at you for 20 minutes. That's your job, Brendan. Let her talk for 20 minutes. You shut up. You listen. You're allowed to say three key phrases to her, but that's it. That's all you're allowed to do. Three key phrases. Twenty minutes. That's the job. I'm like, what are you talking about? He goes, you're allowed to say. Tell me more about that. You're allowed to say. It's so hard. It's so frustrating. You're allowed to say, I'll support you. We're in this together. That's it. 20 minutes. He goes, you know what's gonna happen in the end of 20 minutes, Brendan? I go, what? She goes, she's gonna run out of gas. She'll have said it to you. She got to express. You were present. You listened. You held space for her. Instead of you coming home, asking, requesting, doing something, putting, everything. She's the priority. She's the number one priority. You come home, she's your priority. You're there with her in A loving stance and you just allow, you just receive. You don't have to change it, you don't have to fix it. You don't have to accept it, you don't have to agree with it. You have to take it on. But you don't get to rebut. You don't get to ask, you don't get to push. You just take for 20 minutes. Because you being able to take it for 20 minutes is you giving for 20 minutes. Now, some of you will say, that's a life changing insight. Some of you will not. To me, that was life changing. Now, whether I do it, Whether it's the 20 minutes or not, I know most people in their personal relationships don't give that kind of presence. They just don't. They don't. So that was life changing. That was life affirming. Sometimes it's common sense. Be present with somebody for a little while, let them talk. But we don't do it, do we? So sometimes it's right in front of you. Common sense is not as common practice. But if you're not with the mentors who say those things to you, that's a higher level of practice. The reason I got to hear that from him because we were in a group together. We were in a group together. He says, oh, you're married. How's that going? I'm like, it's going pretty good. I can't believe it. He's like, oh, tell me about some of your marital practices. I was like, oh, well, we like go on date nights and vacation and I love her. And he's like, he's like, okay, young man. And he just, he dropped about 20 of those life changing insights because I was in a group because he had practices. Who follows this? Yeah, that's why I got to be here. I'm here because of those groups and those practices. And I would love for everybody in this group at some point going through one of my groups or go through somebody else's group where you're just like, I got it, I understand it.