The Power of Presence and Patience

The sum of yourself, the sum of your behaviors, of your habits, the sum of your intentions, the sum of the initiative that you took last week, the sum of how you have behaved in the last weeks and months and years and decade has led to an actualized self in this moment today. Today's topic for your personal development is self actualization, but I'm going to talk about it in a way that maybe you haven't thought about before or haven't heard about before. Now, of course, in self actualization, we all know the phrase because of Abraham Maslow. And many people know Abraham Maslow's work because of his hierarchy of needs, which he never really actually called it and he never made it a triangle. But the idea that we have certain levels of our life that has to be satisfied before we ascend to another level caught on in the public's consciousness. And we imagine that one day, one day I will be self actualized. One day I shall reach my potential. After all of this struggle, all of this skilling up, all of these achievements, one day I will be fully actualized. And what I like to tell people is like, no, you, you are actualized now. The sum of yourself, the sum of your behaviors, of your habits, the sum of your intentions, the sum of the initiative that you took last week, the sum of how you have behaved in the last weeks and months and years and decade has led to an actualized self in this moment today, not 10 years from now, not 20 years from now. And you sense the fullness of who you are today or you don't, and you're hoping to reach that wholeness and that full potential one day. What I like to teach is that that moment is now. One of the misunderstandings of self actualization that very few people know from the researches is a huge component of Maslow's work was actually studying presence and spontaneity, the ability to be fully engaged in the moment now, to have a heightened sense of mindfulness or awareness or what more modern psychologists like Mahaly Csikszentmi Hisai would call flow. To be in the moment, spontaneous, fully expressed, and oneself is an actualized state. That's kind of profound, isn't it? Think about how many years you went through high school hoping that one day you would achieve something. How many days you went through college hoping one day you'd get that degree and you'd feel something and you'd achieve it. How? Oh, that next promotion, that next better house, that next, you know, level of income, that next, next, next, next, next. And think about how many times you prolonged or delayed a sense of fulfillment and real connection with your full and vital self because you thought one day you'll reach that potential. So today I'm starting a new tradition here. I think it would be important to share. I'm going to start teaching in my sort of what made my career in personal development, which was teaching and frameworks. And a framework is kind of like a step by step system or a way of organizing content so that it's tangible and take awayable, for lack of a better word. Because listen, as you touch the helm of personal development topics every day, it makes you more self aware. And isn't it true we need more self aware people? We have so many people who have no idea what they think, feel, deserve, desire, want. They're so unclear about their own lives because their lives have been unexamined. And personal development opens the gate to saying, hey, let's look at ourselves, let's work on ourselves, let's actualize ourselves in the moment and tomorrow and the next day and the next day and next day. Because every day is a good day to grow. So let's get at it, let's consider these things. And I thought I'd start today with just a little bit of a framework. And what I'll usually do is teach just three or four strategies, takeaways or key concepts to focus on to help you improve each of these areas of your life. And I'll do it in the context of Remember, you can actualize today, not 10 years from now. So let's talk about four things. First, self actuation requires truth. Truthful, authentic living is required. This means that you are following your intuition, you are setting your own intentions, that you are communicating with other people and being vulnerable about who you really are, what you really think, what you really desire, what you really need, what you really are after in life. It requires an authenticity in the way you go throughout the day that you are behaving as yourself. Not trying to copy somebody else because you compared yourself to them on Instagram, not trying to, trying to conform into other people's lives because they told you you should live a certain way. Thanks to the parents, to the professors, the society and culture oppressing you. It's like, no, you tap into that personal freedom and you say, I am like this. I desire these things. I like this way of living. And when I live this specific way, I feel more alive, more connected, more fulfilled. That's the stuff of self actualization in the moment. Authentic, truthful living. Stop living a lie Stop faking it, stop trying to be like them and find that magic that is uniquely you. Second big idea is creative expression. Creative expression. So Maslow talked about spontaneity, but he spoke a ton about creativity as well. Being a form of the highest actualization. Like when we are creative in the moment where we're spontaneous, we come up with new ideas and we actually express them. There's a whole other level. And that's the thing. Many people are creative, but they never express it. They answer emails all day, they do their work all day, but there's no expression of any creativity in the way they live, the way they decorate their house, the way they wear their clothes, the art that they create, the way they write, the way that they communicate. There's no demonstration or expression of that unique, authentic, creative self. And so that's where you feel lacking, uninspired. That's where you feel like you're not living your best life. You feel bored, sometimes stuck, sometimes not authentic because your actions aren't aligning with authenticity and the expression of your creativity. And if you're someone who says, I'm not creative, omg, I bet you have a lot of these, I am not this or I am not that. And it's time to shift, it's time to change. I never asked what am I like? Because people who think that they're one way or they fall into the traps of, you know, personality assessments because they've never read the research that personality assessments are pretty nonsensical and don't have long term lasting impact or direction for your life. The reality is it's not about what you are like. It's not about what you just feel like or, or what you've been like since you were a kid. So much more of it is like, what do you want to become? Who do you want to become? None of us should be trapped in our 15 year old thinking about who we are. And that's just how I am. No, it's like, what is required of you? Who do you want to become? What impact do you want to make? Third idea Challenge. To attain a level of self actualization in the moment, in the day, in the week, in this year, we must challenge ourselves. We must purposely and consciously challenge ourselves and make projects and plans and deadlines. You must push yourself. If we don't strive to grow, then we recede. And it's so important to understand that so much of your neuroscience is, is like, I'm sorry, your neurobiology is set up to support and love challenge in Fact. Some of the highest levels of psychology, when you talk about self actuation, spontaneity, creativity, or flow, they all require a sense of challenging, engagement in the moment. To push oneself to try something that's a little difficult to do hard things makes you feel a sense of the fullness of your real potential. I always tell people, if other people don't yet think that you're kind of crazy for taking on the hard things that you're after or chasing your dreams, you're probably not yet stretching to the outer limits of your comfort zones. Yet as soon as you get to the outer limits of comfort zones, everyone's like, oh, that's crazy. Oh, who do you think you are? Oh, why do you think you can achieve that? Oh, that's stupid. And yet that impulse that you feel to challenge yourself, that's life, baby. Fourth Big idea To actualize yourself contribution, you've got to be living in a generous and giving mindset. You have to be thinking about purposeful living in that your actions mean something to other people. Your actions become the example and your effort, time, energy, money, focus, attention. These things can serve people, help people, make an impact, make a difference, make a mark. If we don't think about contribution each day and we just think about our own survival, then what ends up happening over a period of time is we feel more and more isolated. And that isolation happens to be a result of our own attention and mindset and intention. That the loneliest is often because we've gotten disconnected from the actual desire to serve and the actual initiatives to back it up. You want to feel actualized, be generous in giving, contribute to something larger than yourself. Make that difference. You know you want to. We're building something here that we're trying to help people achieve a whole new level of self actualization by making making sure that everyone understands self improvement isn't something you do on New Year's. Self improvement must be a way of life if you want real success and real happiness in your life. Because every day is a great day to grow.

Hey guys, it's Brandon. I'm jumping in here real quick. First, I want to make sure you've gone to progressmode.com to join the newsletter.

Because I have a resource for you.

Related to this episode and and I have an upcoming meetup with my private group, Ultra. If you've ever liked to be in a private group with me where I help you get more progress towards your passion projects or to build your business or your brand in a bigger way, just go to progressmo.com, click on Private group to apply to see, you can get into Ultra and we can take.

It to the next level by getting.

In person and meeting up virtually once.

A month online as well.

Just go to progressmode.com let's have some.

Gratitude for having made it through another week. Let's have some intention today to experience the day. Because sometimes in all that hustle bustle of the week, we forget to feel the day, which is what we so desperately desire as humans. To feel the day more is the central desire most people actually have without knowing it. And so today, as you go through the moments of the day, breathe a little bit more. As you go through the moments of the day, feel a little more gratitude come in. As you go through the moments of the day, feel a little more connection with spirit or the moment. I think that will help. Common sense is not always common practice. And that's why so many people with tremendous potential fail to ever reach it. They forget the common sense things. They don't set the foundation and stay disciplined to it. So I really honor you for being here and doing this work. If you're hearing this audio and you're listening and you're staying diligent and deliberate and consistent about your own personal development, that moment is another touch point with your personal development. And that's an incredible thing. Today's topic I'd like to bring up to you is a topic of patience. You know, I've asked people for about 15 years of teaching now at all our major big events, and as I coach people to make sure that they set a personal and professional intention at the beginning of each month to just decide, like, what's the thing you're gonna work on this month? And just having one narrow personal development focus every single month. And I've been doing this in my own practice for, I think, my 23rd year this year. And the funny thing is, patience has been the one that shows up as a recurring character in that year over year over year. I don't think I've ever gone a year without one month being dedicated towards patience. Because like you, I have grand visions for my future. Like you, I want abundance for my family and I want to make a difference and I want meaningful work. And like you, you know, people count on me because when you're the striver, sometimes you're the strong one. When you're the striver, sometimes you're the one people turn to and. And when they can't figure out something, they call you. Or when they need Some help they call you, and you become the leader and the person that people rely on. And when all that is happening, obviously it can become quite overwhelming. But that forward direction that you have causes an impulse to grow that forward momentum that you have as a striver. It's like, oh, I want to go do these things. I want to achieve these things. Oh, yeah, I'm going to move towards that so I can cause this abundance, this joy and this meaning and everything else. And sometimes we're so focused towards tomorrow, to pushing it forward, to making it happen. We also get a little discouraged when it doesn't happen fast enough. We also get a little frustrated when we launch the thing and it doesn't hit the numbers our peers hit. When we create something new and it doesn't seem like it's perfect. It's very easy in those moments to be impatient. And the problem with impatience is it tends to be the band leader with a bunch of banging drums of bad behaviors behind it. It's like when you are impatient, almost every poor behavior happens after that. You're impatient with the kids, so what's the next behavior? You spark at them, scream at them, get frustrated with them, don't listen to them. In some ways, they damage the relationship. In our careers, when we are impatient, we tend to ask for something that we haven't yet earned and offend people. We tend to be that person when we're impatient at work, that suddenly, you know, other people are like, hey, you know what? You don't know this yet. And we become demanding when we are impatient. Have you ever noticed that when you're impatient, you become demanding of others? You become tyrannical, you become authoritarian. You become someone who doesn't listen, someone who becomes entitled, someone who gets too quick to anger with yourself and with others. And I don't say this in any accusatory way. I'm letting you know that's why I work on this all the time. It's been a recurring thing in my life. Patience, Brendan. Patience. Now, here's the truth about patience. Some people are, quote, unquote, too patient, and their life suffers. And so what's the difference, you know, because if you're too patient, you don't try. You hope that things will come towards you. You lack that self reliance, that personal initiative to push things forward. So what's the difference between the two? Well, I've studied this a long time, and what I've come to find is that if you are patient but you lack discipline and practice, then you're toast. Because that patience becomes apathy, laziness, disconnection. But if you can be patient and you still have daily deliberate habits, in other words, you have practices that keep moving the ball forward, even just one inch at a time, that person ends up the person who grows their strength, who develops that grit, who keeps persevering, who, even in the trudging difficult times where it doesn't seem like it's going to pop, bam, they keep going. I think it's something people I admire the most in business who I've learned a lot from. And these are people who, you know, started around the same time I did and built major, major, major companies as well, and some of them to unicorn levels. And having been part of that journey once or twice in my life, I can share with you that the people who end up with the big outcomes tended to be very, very patient. What looked like an overnight thing was actually a 10 year daily practice. When you break it down, he's like, no, no, no. For 10 years they showed up every day, they tried every day. They were diligent and conscientious every day. And guess what? If they had a bad day, no problem. The next day they didn't give up, get discouraged, have shame and guilt and shut themselves down with apathy. Instead they said, okay, back at it. Hmm, back at it. And so if you didn't have a great week, I want to tell you patience. But pair that patience with practice every day, move the ball forward just a little bit, not expecting big jumps and starts, not expecting overnight success. Just patience to know you're on the right path and moving it forward every day just a little bit, I promise you that turns into extraordinary things. Every day is a good day to set some kind of intention for what you want to improve, for what area of your life you might need to work on. And today, if you can take this topic and install it into your relationships or your careers and be more patient with others, I think you'll start to notice freedom enters your life. My biggest lesson of having made patience a whole month goal probably dozens of times over the last 20 plus years is that I learned that the practice of patience grants freedom. The more I practice patience, the more I feel free in the moment from stress, from anxiety, from that hurry that quickens the heart and makes you feel sick sometimes. That being the calm, patient one who's deliberately working towards things ends up being a freeing sense of self that is so much better than the hurried, manic, freaked out, highly anxious person that I was allowing myself to become in my 20s. That decision to shift that time when I said, in my life, I no longer want to be an impatient person, I no longer want to be an angry person, I no longer want stress and hurry to rule my days or my emotions. Just that intention led to a tremendous transformation over time. If we could just all motivate and inspire our families and and our communities to create daily touch points of personal development, then guess what? Over time they will grow. And if over time we grow together, we all achieve greater freedoms and joy and connection and meaning together. Because every day is a great day to grow together.