Think Like a Monk with Jay Shetty (1 of 2)

Foreign.

Hey, my friends, it's Brandon Burchard. And welcome to a special episode of the Brendon Show. Hey, my friends, I wish you could see the big smile on my face. To bring you an epic, an awesome two part conversation with Jay Shetty. His new book, think like a Monk is out. I'm sure you've seen it all over social media, all at the top of the bestseller lists and something that's been really anticipated and excited in the industry because I think this is a time for, you know, wisdom and wellness to have that message out there. And as many of you know, Jay has become a huge viral sensation in the industry with 11 million plus fans on Facebook, over 3 billion video views, you know, 6 million and a half or something on Instagram, and just somebody who really took the world by storm. And what is it about him? About how he thinks, about how he deals with stress, about how he would suggest we face these times from a place where we can find our peace. Many of you know he also has a podcast, which I hope you listen to, called On Purpose, where he interviews some of the great celebrities, thinkers and folks in our industry of this time. And my episode with him, if you ever heard it was super popular. And you can do some awesome exercises I took Jay through. You can actually listen to me take him through some exercises for energy on his podcast. Again, it's called On Purpose. You can search for the episode with me, Brendan Burchard and Jay Shetty on his podcast On Purpose. But this was a conversation that, frankly, I rarely do. As you know, the Brendon show originally began, I don't know, six or seven years ago as really a community storehouse of audio, if you will, for you guys, from audio from my courses to my live trainings to our seminars to, you know, coaching that I do with people. And it was meant for that. So I rarely, rarely do interviews unless it's something really specific or I think it meets the time so uniquely that I could add something maybe unique. And I thought that this would be that exactly for you. So I hope you enjoy this episode with Jay Shetty. Hey, guys, before we jump into this episode, I want to remind you at the beginning of this next month, I go live for two hours to deliver you a personal development seminar. If you didn't know, we started really taking my coaching group into this philosophy I call Growth day, which is begin the first of your month with clear intentions about what you want to achieve that month. Make that day, that first of the month, your day of growth. And why not? Do it with me. I guide literally thousands of high achievers around the world through that first day of the month where we get together, we get live. I teach a personal development seminar for maybe 75 minutes. I put you into breakouts so you can network. Share what you've learned about your life, share what you're working on, share what you're struggling with, share what you need help with. Connect with real community through breakout groups Live. It is a very special and unique, very, very distinct offering in the marketplace right now that I literally recrafted our community because of the challenge of 2020. I just saw it as something that was needed. We need to do our personal development now more than ever because if we leave our personal development to randomness, we'll always be locked in the land of mediocrity. If we don't get our heads right right now, this year's gone. We've got to get our lives back. And the way to do that is to engage more ferociously, fiercely, intensely, intentionally cons with our personal development. The way to do that is join me in my coaching program. Go to hpxcoaching.com that's hpxcoaching.com you can sign up for our annual membership right now for half off, or you can go month by month with us and cancel anytime. Doesn't matter to me. But get in this first of the month. Spend the day growing with me. On the first of this upcoming month, let me take you through a personal development seminar. Let me break you out into groups. Let me share how to set your next month's goals, your next quarter's goals, how to figure out the rest of this year and end it strong. It's still possible. Go to hpxcoaching.com okay, without further ado, my friends, part one of my interview with Jay Shetty.

All right, Jay Shetty, my brother Brendan, thanks so much for having me. I'm so, so grateful to be here. You're such a inspiration to me and have been for such a long time. Just for anyone who doesn't know, I send Brendan these updates of his quotes that I used to share, like, five, six, seven, eight years ago, and they're still so powerful. So when I read them and I get my Facebook reminder, I'm like, wow, this is so powerful. So, Brendan, thank you for doing what you've been doing for so many years and being such an inspiration to me and so many people and paving the way.

Well, I've never gotten to tell you face to face, but every time you send Me those. You make me feel old.

You're gonna say, I'm making you feel good. I was gonna get.

No, you do.

I'm telling you.

Yeah. Cause I'll get this text and it'll be like, hey, Jay.

You know, he'll be like, hey, I.

Liked this quote in 2008 or something. Or seven or something. And no, I really love them. And, you know, that's great, too, because now I'm always sharing your quotes with our tribe as well. So it's just so cool to see and we have such shared background and experience. And for those who don't yet know think like a monk, I'm going to call it the field guide to handling 2020. Like, literally, Jay, so many people haven't been able to adapt or they're really drowning in pessimism. The stress is real. People have lost jobs. They're freaked out because of COVID They're freaked out because the volatility in politics. They're overwhelmed because their lives fundamentally change in one way or another. And they've really struggled with that stress and that turbulence. And I cannot. Like, I've been waiting for this. I can say, you just need to go think like a monk. And I'm not saying that to blow smoke. It is a field guide for a different way of thinking and managing the world, and I really believe it's going to change people's lives. So thank you for writing it, brother.

No, thank you. And thank you. I love seeing it almost look like there's a fire flare coming out of the book with the way you tagged the notes. I love it. But no, I appreciate that. And our. It's interesting because I didn't write the book based on what we've experienced in the five months. I wrote the book based on what I believed are the muscles and the mindsets that we need forever in life. They're timeless. But that's what's so incredible about wisdom, is that whether it was spoken 5,000 years ago today or 5,000 years from now, human challenges and suffering and pain are so similar in one sense that it will always hold true. And so thank you for saying that. It means the world to me. Our virtual tour is actually called Dear 2020. Please think like a month. I really feel that this is a mindset that will really, really help people heal right now.

Well, a big part of that, you had to face that stress, too, because as I held this book up for everybody, if you're on audio and you can't see it, I got advanced reader edition from Jay and his publisher. And it says on. On sale April 14, 2020. And so, like, walk us through as an author, because this is a big deal. And a lot of my tribe, they. They want to write books. Their creators are influencers as well. So they. They're in this place of, you know, they've wanted to write a book. You. You actually did write it. You're going to launch it. Covid hits, Black Lives Matter. Movement begins. We're in this very, like, shaky, uncertain time. How did that affect how you thought of the work that you just put, you know, months and years into we're about to launch? Because a lot of people listening, their projects have been thrown sideways too. So how did you personally deal with that?

Yeah, well, first of all, I think perspective is a beautiful thing. And when I see the level of pain that other people have gone through at this time, and. And I'm experiencing the fact that people have lost someone or something, or they've lost their job or they've lost their livelihood, or some people have lost their homes, and to me, that level of perspective really allows me to look at my life in perspective. And I'm not devaluing my loss, and I don't think anyone should devalue or belittle their loss. But I do think that perspective is a game changer, because all of a sudden, you can look at something with the significance that it has. I'll give an example. Like when you stub your toe or you lock your finger in a doorway, it feels like a 10 on the scale of pain. And it's like the worst thing that could have ever happened to you. Yesterday I cut myself on the side of my bed. I had one of these low Zen beds, and it has really sharp corners. And I cut my leg, and I've got this big star across my shin, and it was bleeding. And, you know, in the moment, that was the worst thing that happened to me. And I'd say, oh, I felt a 10 of pain. But actually, if I think what is a 10 of pain or what is a hundred percent of pain, it would be like losing my family or, you know, something terrible happening. And when you look at things with that perspective, all of a sudden cutting my leg feels like a one on that level. And so I think that perspective is really powerful. The second thing with the book, getting pushed back, my goal has always been if my vision is to make wisdom go viral, and my purpose is to try and serve people through storytelling and content creation and programming, the book is one element of that. And granted it's probably my most exciting thing I've done in my career so far. But I have to remind myself that the book being delayed doesn't stop me from fulfilling my purpose. And the beauty in that is your purpose is not existing in a book or a course or a program. Your purpose exists beyond all of those things. And so I got on with going, okay, I find my certainty in uncertain times through service. That's how I find my certainty. I feel like whenever things are uncertain, I can't find happiness. I can't always find joy, but I can always find service. And if I find service, then that leads to joy, that leads to meaning. So I just launched my. I did 20 days of live meditation on Instagram and Facebook for anyone. It was absolutely free because I was thinking, what can I offer? And I was like, you know, Brendan, I can't. I can't. I can't sing like John Legend and.

Play the piano or go to seminars outside.

Or go to seminars outside. So I said, but what I can do is I can teach meditation. And if everyone can find 20 minutes of peace in their day, then hopefully that will help them navigate what's going on. So we did 20 days, and then, because people wanted it, we did 40 days of live meditation every single day for 30 minutes a day. And we had 20 million people view the meditations over 40 days and the feedback. And I would go live with people. At the end, 90% of people said they'd never meditated before. And so, you know, for me, that was how I responded to. And that genuinely. And, Brendan, you know me, so I'm not giving you an answer that isn't true. I really just realized that my purpose, my fulfillment doesn't exist in a product. Yes.

We say in high performance all the time is the project is not the purpose.

Love it. There you go.

Right? A project falls out, a project is delayed. Because a lot of people right now, they form their identity based on the projects, and the projects fall apart. Or they form their identity on, you know, the relationship that fell apart, which is my story. Or they, you know, at the time, when I was severely depressed and suicidal as a teenager, my identity was tied to a relationship that fell apart. Or some people, their job has been lost, or some people did get sick or lost somebody who they really cared about. Those things are not them, and those things are not the purpose.

Yes.

And when you tap into that, and I know that's genuinely you, because you. You text me and said, you know, we have to move what we planned to do and there was no, you know, bemoaning it. There was no. I'm sure there was a moment where you're like, well, this sucks.

Well, I think the truth is that I really want what's best for the book because it's like if you put your heart into something, you want what's best for it. And I feel like that's the difference between detachment and attachment. Attachment is I want it to happen this way. Detachment is I want it to happen in the best way. And the problem with attachment is you think you know the best way. And so we have a. Almost like a movie role playing up here of how we imagine and envision our life to be. But reality is down here actually happening. And when they don't match, we get flustered and we go, oh, no, no, it's not meant to be. Like, this is that you're living the movie of your life. So you don't. You don't have to direct it beforehand. You've got to direct it in the moment. And I think that's the mistake we make. We try and direct our movies 10 years in advance, but the director is in the movie, in the moment, guiding each character and guiding yourself. So to me, it was definitely a moment of, I would say, uncertainty and anxiety. So there wasn't a moment of like, oh, this is gonna be terrible. There's a moment of like, oh, what are we gonna do? Oh, my gosh.

How do we handle it? How do we handle it?

How do you handle this? Like, there was that. There was that panic moment of like, where's this gonna go? How's this gonna happen? Like, what's gonna have to change? How many things are gonna get pushed off? And there's all of that. And then you just go, okay, let me breathe for a second and let me do Brendan's wonderful qigong exercise that we did on my podcast when you came on and just take a moment to just be like again. What you just beautifully said, you know, the project is not your purpose. That's so beautiful. And as soon as you realize that, you go, oh, I can still live my purpose. I'm okay. I can still live.

Hey, I hope you are enjoying this interview with Jay Shetty. And I want to jump in here real quick with you and talk about a topic that's deeply, deeply important to me, that honestly has helped me in not only how I think, but how I focus, how I energize my mind. And many of you know that is by me taking hpx optimized our supplement for focus and energy. This has completely changed the game for me, as many of you know. You know, a lot of people consider to be one of the most prolific people in this industry. And the reason that is because I can keep my mind sharp and sometimes I need help with that. I'm not a guy who goes to caffeine and coffee for that. For me personally, I wanted to take a nootropic, something that gave me a mental edge that energized my mind, that helped me become more creative, focused and productive. And you can get our supplements right now back in stock@HPX wellness.com that's HPX wellness.com As you know, I rolled out three flagship products under the HPX brand to help you optimize your focus, your longevity, your energy, your immunity. And you can check out those new products again back in stock@hpx wellness.com. What I love about your book, two chapters that come to my mind or. Well, one. One main chapter comes to my mind is Identity chapter, where you talk about where identity comes from, but you also talk about our values and just being more conscientious, more deliberate about what, what we want our values to be because they're guiding us. And what would you say was your, like, your work value? What was the value that allowed you to go, oh, okay, I'm going to handle this. I'm going to handle this well and it's going to come out when it's best. Serving the book, that's a great question.

I think the strongest value that guided that decision was trust in timing. And that's a hard one. But it's something that I've developed over time where I've consistently realized that I think I know when things should happen. But the timing that the universe, the source, God, divine, however you want to put it, the timing that's meant for you is really the right timing. And I've seen that time and time again in my life where I've planned something perfectly and you've got it all measured and mapped and then the timing changes, but actually the result supersedes what you ever believed was possible.

That's like 2018 for you when you have like the most viewed video on Facebook the entire year, 300 million plus views or whatever. I'm sure you weren't like, hey, I'm going for 100 million video views on this. It was like divine timing or something that just said this message, this person, this medium right now, well beyond our control.

Yeah, we limit the universe with our plans like we limit the universe so much. Like, if I had it my way, my goal was a million views and a million subscribers. Like, that was my goal. Right. Like, that's. And now when you think about that, you're like, oh, that's. That isn't. You know, that goal was just arbitrary, and I didn't allow. And so I really feel that if you're in alignment. And that's the other value that helped. It was alignment where you feel aligned with what you're really trying to do, not what you're trying to do right now.

Yes.

That disconnect of, like, we're so focused on what we're doing right now versus what we're really trying to do. And what I'm really trying to do is just help and serve and make a difference. And I think that's the value that you can offer through any form or any medium.

I hope you all heard that and will recall, too, because our audience is always talking about high performance, and there's that concept. We talk about high performance habits, which is achievement isn't the problem. Alignment is. People can get things done all day long, and people are really busy all the time, but it doesn't really align with who they are, what they really want, or what might be right for them at that time. And I think that's happened a lot in 2020, where people are rediscovering, oh, I was doing this hustle, but it doesn't mean anything to me, or I was doing that, I didn't enjoy it, and now I have this break. Or maybe the universe said, hey, take a break, and now I need to reevaluate who I am and what's important to me. And I think a lot of people are struggling with that, Jay, so what do you say to that person who writes and says, I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I really want. Where do they begin? Yeah.

I give the example in the book of method acting, and I talk about how when actors are preparing for a role, the process of method acting most famously done by people like Heath Ledger and Daniel Day Lewis.

Yeah, you mentioned Daniel Day Lewis in the book as the example.

I loved it. Yeah. And these people talk about how they lost themselves in the role. And I was speaking about this with someone the other day, and they were saying that Jim Carrey, when he made a movie, he said that he lost himself in the role so much that when he came out of the movie, he didn't know who he was anymore. Like, he. He didn't have an Understanding of what he liked, what he didn't like. And that's an experience that we all go through when. When life runs a train through our journey and pathway, which is kind of what everyone's going through right now. It's like this sharp awakening of just, well, who am I now? And so that's actually a beautiful place because you get to restructure and. And rebuild. And now you get to choose the bricks that you build that identity with rather than letting people give you the bricks. You know, our whole life we've been given bricks by people of what they value, and we built our house with those bricks. Now we've got a choice to go, no, actually, I don't want even a brick. I want. I want that and I want that material and that material. So the first thing I'd say is that recognize that you're actually at the beginning of a beautiful journey. You're not at the end of the last one, right? You're not the end of that. Who you've been, you're at the beginning of who you're going to become. And that's such a powerful place to be because it's a. It's a rebirth or it's a birth for the first time. Sometimes it's, you know, so that's the first message I'd share. The second thing I'd say is that this is the time to really question the intent behind what you're chasing, to really question what you want and your intent behind it. Because so often our wrong intention for the right thing will lead you down the wrong path. And I think we don't realize that when we keep doing alignment. That beautiful statement you shared about, you know, it's not the achievement, it's alignment. Alignment means is my intention aligned with my action? And when I'm saying aligned, I'm saying is, am I looking for the right thing in the right way? And sometimes even if you're looking for the wrong thing but in the right way, you'll still get there. That's why intention is so powerful. Like, if you're planting seeds in your garden and you buy water the seeds, but you water a weed next to it because you're still watering, the seeds are still going to grow, and you spot the weed. So that process of watering needs to continue.

Oh, I love that.

I love that you're inspiring all of. By the way, Brendan. None of this is in the book. Brendan is inspiring flow in me. So I am just in the zone. He's.

Oh, no, it is. Identity is in the book, that chapter on identity and values now, I mean.

Some of these messages that I'm sharing. Formulation.

Yeah, well, let's talk about that. I love that weed metaphor because it's going to bring me to the two or three of my favorite chapters in the book. You're playing on the weed metaphor. I think of what comes to my mind is, oh, yeah, but some of the flowers that we're watering right now are becoming poisoned by all the negativity. And you wrote so deftly and accurately about what I personally feel and experience and believe about negativity. And I think if ever in 2020, you know, if any other time, we were seeing negativity really rip people from their foundation, really tear people away from that feeling of life satisfaction or joy or even connection or contribution, people even who are doing good, they feel like it's kind of a slog because there's so much negativity in the news, on social media, so much vitriol around race opportunity, where we are as a country, where the world is heading both socioeconomically and at a personal levels. I've seen people in our own industry, people who we know, who are so positive and joyful and they're struggling. And I shared with you before, I want everyone to know this. I shared with Jay before I said, you know what, there's been moments in the last couple months I've been discouraged. The motivation, joy guy. Because seeing the pain and the struggle that people are having, even as you're serving it, it can be very discouraging. You can see that negative struggle and that can be integrated. So for those who are vibing with anything I'm talking about right now and they feel the negativity out there, what does think like a monk mean in that case?

Yeah, absolutely. I really think there's a need for compassion culture for ourselves and for others. And what I mean by that is the ability to first of all recognize that no one had the guidebook for 2020 up their sleeve or no one could even have expected themselves to be ready for this. Like, no matter how good you are at predicting or trends or whatever it is, 99% of people did not see this coming. And so there needs to be a bit of self compassion and not judging ourselves. It's so easy to get into that spiral of one of the pieces of negativity is judgment of self, like judging ourselves for not being the best parents, not being the best partners, not being the best people. And that's not a get out of jail free card to behave. How you want what that is genuinely allowing yourself to say, hey, I need a bit of time just to adapt and be compassionate. Because no one had the mindset or the plan.

This is a black swan event for everybody.

Totally. Like, yeah, this is. This is crazy. And so it's so extreme. But what should happen, and we were talking about this earlier, Brendan, is that in this moment, you now shift to go, okay, I get it. I'm going to build the muscles that are going to help me build adaptability and resilience for this forever. So I'm never going to be blindsided again or I never want to be in a situation again where I don't have the tools. So when you're thinking like a monk for this situation and the negativity, the first thing that a monk does is, is it's about putting on your own protective shield. A lot of us walk out onto the battlefield of life without having done our own training and our own shielding and our own protection. And so one of the ways, or a very simple practical way you can transform your environment is a 3S model that I give in the book. And it's sights, scents and sounds. Now, sight sense and sounds have a huge impact on, on your personal shield and the strength of your shield. And so when we look at sight, sights is what you see. So the big question I'd ask, Brendan, anyone who's listening or watching right now is, what's the first thing you see in the morning? If it's your phone. And Studies show that 80% of people see their phone before their partner in the morning and the evening. Brendan, Right? Can you imagine the phone is the last thing you see and the first thing you see in the morning when you wake up, when you do that.

I would be awful.

I would be awful. I would be awful, too. I mean, you know, this is the point that you can't put yourself in a. You know, something I often say is, like, you know, monks are not training in a strip club. Like, you don't put yourself in the complete extreme. Up. Yeah, sorry for my crudeness, but I love it. I love it. You're not putting yourself in an environment where you're set up to lose when you're training, right? When you're strong, you can put yourself in extreme environments, but when you're training, you make it yourself work. So if you're waking up in the morning, make the first thing you see be a quote you love. Make it be a work of art that inspires you. Make it be a picture of your family that really means something to you, but make it the first thing you see. It could be on your bedside table, it could be on your ceiling. Wherever it is that you look first, make it something that makes you pause, because otherwise, when you dive into your phone, you're now reacting to everyone's agenda, everyone's focus, the news, the negativity. And you're now starting your day with people filling you up rather than you being an abundant creator. Love that. And so the first thing I'd say sight. The second thing I'd say is, you've got to change your sounds in your life. And as monks, sound design was huge. So I discovered this when I lived in New York City for two years, and I used to find myself feeling quite mentally tired. And I was always wondering what it was. And so I started researching and reading, as we do, and. And I read about this thing called cognitive load. And it was saying that when you're processing insignificant, irrelevant sound, your brain is trying to process something that doesn't actually have meaning or use. And so now you're wasting 80% of your brain's energy on cognitive load. So examples are having the news on in the background. Examples are being around culture where there's a lot of noise and gossip, drilling, construction work. All of that creates cognitive load. Now, sound. How can you change it? We all know Brendan, and you do this at your seminars beautifully. You put on music, and everyone's jumping up and down. And sound has that energy to change our physiology and has that sound as the opportunity to change our biology. And so for me, what sound are you playing in your work environment? Is it the sound you want intentionally? What's the sound that you wake up to, by the way? Why does anyone wake up to an alarm?

Right?

Why would you? Bam, bam, bam. None of us would want to wake up to a fire alarm. So change the sounds that you work to, that you cook to, that you sleep to, and you see your anxiety just depreciate. And the third one is scents. I think scents are so underestimated. When you smell a food you love, you're already tasting it, you're feeling it, you're feeling the benefit of it. There's a reason why when we walk into a massage room, and I remember when we were in Puerto Rico, we went for one of those beautiful. Would you recommend it to me that I couldn't miss? It was one of those treetop massages. Yeah, Beautiful place. And so I went for one of those. It's amazing. But massage parlors or spaces or whatever, spas or whatever they're called. They all have scents like lavender, eucalyptus, sandalwood. This isn't just like to make you feel good for two seconds when you breathe and inhale that. It uses your reaction, the desire for negativity. It brings that positivity into your life. So if you're creating these habits in your day, you'll find that the external negativity is still there. It's not changing it, but it's able to less penetrate your shield.

I love that. I love that. You know, when I think about negativity right now, there's that component of it, too that is, you know, very critical. There's a lot of criticism, There's a lot of accusation. There's a lot of that stuff that people are scared of. Like, a lot of people more than ever are focusing on culture change. They're excited to be part of a movement. They're excited to speak up for what they believe is right. And inevitably, in doing that, a lot of vitriol comes back to them and they can be criticized, they can be accused of things. How do you think about that? Because I think that's a negative effect that social media has on a lot of people. How do you deal with that?

That's a great question. I think one of the greatest rules for change that I think is not given enough focus is that change can never happen. If someone has to lose. Right? Someone has to lose in creating a change. That's not change. Change is a win win for everyone. And we've heard this in that, you know, think it's in the seven habits of highly effective people. A win win is like, you know, think win win. But what I'm saying is, when you're trying to create a change, don't look at it as like, I'm right and that person's wrong. As soon as you create that, what you've done is you've. You've created division.

Yes.

And so what we have to do is how do we create a new platform whereby both people are growing above right and wrong, where there's movement above right and wrong? Right and wrong are stagnant places and places that cause division. But when you do want a movement, as you mentioned, that comes when we go beyond right and wrong and we go, this is the direction we need to go in as a society. That's hard to do, but it really is the truth of change, like the rule of change is stop trying to make someone wrong because that means you're right. Well, guess what? If they're right, now you're wrong. And that's never going to create a harmonious society. What we need is where we all go. Actually, let me understand, let me listen, let me really understand why that person thinks that way. And it's not that you agree with them, it's not that you think they're right, it's that you have to give it a chance. I remember when we were, I used to be on my debating society at school. I was super dorky and geeky and loved debating society. And I remember the first rule of debate was that you could not debate someone if you didn't fully understand their emotion and their side. That was the first rule. If you did not understand their motion and their perspective, you couldn't, you weren't allowed to debate because then you were just debating based on ego. And I think that's the thing that's misleading us is that we're fighting based on our ego and this desire to be right and make stuff happen, rather than fighting from a place of compassion which wants collective growth, not just individual growth.

How do you do that when it's extremely, let's say personal, it's tied to your identity or your values. So an example of this, and I know a lot of people fear this, or there's a lot of negativity around it too, is so imagine you're, you know, you're back in your ashram days, you leave your maybe in the monk robes, you walk out and some tourist passing by, haha, you look stupid, you know, and they start accusing you or saying like, they just belittle you, they bully you, they say awful things. And it's specific, it is you, they're targeting you, they're saying it to you. Because a lot of people are asking me, how do you deal with that? And I was like, well I got the guy who knows how to think like a monk in that moment on that street, being accused or being criticized in that way, that's specific to your religion, your identity, who you are, how do you in that moment cope?

Yeah, I give an example of that in the book of me literally being in that exact scenario where someone goes to me like, oh, couldn't you have been doing something better with your life? And don't you have an education? And I remember everything was boiling up inside of me to be like, don't you know that I'm a first class honors degree graduate? And don't you know I've been a straight A student my own life? And I ch. And that's like what my mind is wanting me to say. And then for a second I have to sit back and go, well, how much pain must that person be in to be pushing so much pain out? And we remember the beautiful teaching of Wayne Dyer of when you squish the orange juice, the only thing that comes out is when you squish an orange. Sorry, the only thing that comes out is orange juice. And it's almost like when we're squeezed, the only thing that comes out, as Wayne Dyer says, is what's inside of us. And so for me, the first method is just going to. Well, why that person is obviously being squeezed right now. They're being squished right now. And so what pain has that person experienced to get them to this place where they're accusing me or they're directing what are they going through? And that's the first level of thinking like a monk, because you're, you're compassion and always living like an observer. Yeah, always living like an observer. You're realizing that there is a reality beyond this. And that person. Let me observe this situation from a different perspective. As soon as you make it about you, you're only seeing it through your lens. You want to see it as almost an outside director of seeing two people interact. That's why we're better at solving our friends problems than we are our own. Because in our friends lives it's like, oh, you and you two are arguing. Well, let me tell you exactly what to do. And we're so great at that. And then when we're in the argument because we think it's us and that person, we get it wrong. And so you have to see yourself as the director, the observer, the, the listener, the mediator. Even in your own life, you have to play the role of the mediator. So often what I do is I voice record or I journal what I think I want to say to someone and then I listen back to it to see if that even made sense. And sometimes I'll laugh at myself for how bad what I'm about to say.

That's really smart. Yeah, it's your thoughts and listening to them. I love that.

Exactly. Because most of us say our thought, the most of us, the first time we hear our thoughts is when we say them. And so I really believe that if you hear your thoughts out loud before you've said them to someone and you get a chance to choose whether you think they make sense or not and edit them and review them and refine them, that really helps. The second step to thinking like a monk in that particular scenario is, and you may not get to do in the moment is really wishing that person well from the inside, right? It's really coming to a place of like, let me wish that person well. Let me put forward a positive meditation or vibe for them. And the third is, wait, was there any reality in what that person said? Was there any truth in it? Is there something that I can now that I've distanced myself enough, can I revisit what I heard and actually use it to improve myself or benefit myself? Because in the moment, if you try and take it as feedback, the moment you get it, your mind will take over. You need to approach it from the distance and coming back to it.

All right, my friend, I hope you enjoyed my episode with Jay Shetty. Make sure you go grab his book and listen. If you need help in going to the next level, please join me at the top of the Month on the first of the month with thousands of achievers around the world working on our lives, I teach a brand new personal development seminar live online every single month. Then we do breakout groups to share your monthly goals, what you're working on, what you need help with. So if you you wanted to get unstuck, break through any emotional blocks, determine the strategies and habits you need to reinvent yourself this year if you want to know and dive deeper into how you're going to implement our research backed habits that help you increase confidence, improve life satisfaction, change the quality of your relationships, increase your career impact and income. If you're trying to figure out how to stick to the decisions you made, stick to the habits that you've made, become more productive, become more self disciplined, increase your motivation. All of that needs consistency, my friends. And you know that. You know that. So if you feel like you've been lacking that focus or that discipline or that productivity or even just that confidence and courage and you need to start the month off on a bang. Every single month. Start off strong, start off with clarity. Start off with motivation. Start off with some fire in your belly again, some research backed tools to help you go along. Then make sure you get into my coaching program. Just go to hpxcoaching.com that's hpxcoaching.com and join us for the first of the month. We call it Growth day where we all get together from around the world and we grow. Never before has personal development such a priority. Never before has wellness been such a priority. Never before has community and consistency been such a priority. So go to hpxcoaching.com, join me. Let me be your coach through these upcoming months so we can get your life back, get you back on track, and help you achieve the future that you've always desired. Go to hpxcoaching.com right now. Hpxcoaching.com.

Sam.