Transformation Week Day 6 - COURAGE

Hey, my friends, it's Brendon Burchard and welcome to special series of the Brendon show. In this series we're playing for you our entire program called Transformation Week. Transformation Week is a program that Denise, my wife and I did to help people really understand what are the key habits that we know from science will help dramatically, I mean, really dramatically improve your life. It was an incredible video based program and online challenge that Denise and I did and we wanted to just capture it here for you in audio here on the Brendon show. So for the next six, seven days, we'll release a brand new day of transformation week and you'll get the audio right here on the podcast. If you're somebody who loves video and you would love the resources or the tools that we recommend as an example, the downloads or some special discounts to some products we might mention, please make sure you just go to transformationweek.com that's transformationweek.com when you go there again, you'll just enter your name and email. You'll be added to our newsletter list but you'll be sent this entire series by email where we summarize each of the days. We give you the PDFs, the downloads, the research, the tools, everything you'll hear in the audio on the Brendon show. With that, I hope you enjoy the series. Happy 2020, my friends. I hope you enjoy this year and this really becomes a transformation week for you as you kick off the new.

Decade of your life.

Hey, everybody, it's Brendon Burchard and Denise Burchard.

What's up? It's HPX Transformation week episode number six, all about demonstrating courage. Today I'm here with my wife who I love so much.

Thank you.

And we're married. We're married.

We always have to tell that because people are always like, are you guys married?

You're so sweet together. We're like, oh, my God. Yes. I think that it's because, like, I didn't talk about Denise for so long in our career. I talked about my, her, but I didn't use her name and she wasn't in any of our videos for 15 years as I was teaching. Literally, you know, a quarter billion video views. Denise was never in any of those videos though.

Mystery woman.

She was a mystery woman, but she was often the subject of it. My sunshine, my sweetheart, my love, my wife. But I didn't say her name because she had this exercise studio in Portland, Oregon, which she sold since studios, I should say. And I didn't want People like showing up at her door because in social media, like, things had gone on and.

And.

And I was just, like, worried that something weird would happen. And so anyway, when we started HPX together, which was a big deal because. Talk about courage, her demonstrating courage, she sold her exercise studios, which, by the way, I would say she's more successful than me because she's already built and sold businesses and I have never sold a business of mine.

You just have millions of customers and influence.

Yeah, you know, whatever, whatever. And so I just love that she had the courage to jump in and do this with me, because I just want to let you all know, even if you haven't seen her on video, she's always been the reason that I've become successful because she's believed in me and cheered me on when no one else did. And the fact that she jumped in this so willingly, she'd never done podcasts like this before. And. And clearly you're doing awesome. If you guys think she's doing awesome, would you give a shout out? She really jumped in. And it is a courageous thing to start using your voice to help other people in the world because it brings up judgment and questions. People are always like, who is she? Are you guys together? And we're like, what? Unless you've been to our. Many of you have not yet been to our seminars before, so I guess I can understand if they haven't seen you on stage getting recognized. But it's something I'm really proud of to be here because when I started my career, I was terrified and she supported me. And when she started doing this with me, she was terrified and I got to support her. And you guys have been really supportive to us, too. Okay, let's just jump into it.

Let's talk about courage.

Courage, as usual, if you've not been with us in Transformation Week, this is episode six. In this one, I'm gonna share three things. She's gonna share three things that we really have learned about demonstrating courage in both our personal lives, professionally, and in my research. So she will begin. What's your.

My first thing is having a learning mindset when it comes to courage. And that's because it's easy to judge yourself or to think things that you have done didn't work out well. So why should you try something new or why should you try it again? And if you have a learning mindset, there's nothing that is a failure. You're always going to learn something from it. So it's just capturing that learning moment out of Your experience or. And taking it with you next time. So then you can improve your approach or you can improve what you did, or you can change it, but either way, you have learned something. So it's not. It's not a lost experience. So today I would challenge you to go back, think of three things that you maybe defined as failures, and write out three things that you actually learned from them that you can take forward into your next adventure.

Yeah, I think people are way more courageous than they think they are. But they got so far away from what they've learned in life and the things they've survived in life that they're approaching today so trepid and so doubtful without realizing you survived. You came this long, like, this far. Think, please, about the things you have learned. Because if you really tap back into all the strengths, if you thought of, wow, what did I learn about myself and other people, about the world and what I'm capable of, if you tapped into that each day, you'd be like, I've learned so much. And you'd show up today like, ba ba da ba. I mean, you'd be ready.

Look at, he's got his, like, Mighty Mouse stick.

Yes. I just think it's so unfortunate people discount themselves so much. And the reason they do is cause they've forgotten what they learned. So in the moment, they feel like, I don't know what's going on. I feel so uncertain. But if they could tap back into the certainty of what they've learned. And I love what you said too, about learning can help prevent disappointment or discouragement too, because so many people, they're so hard on themselves because they're not focused on what they're learning. So they're always discouraged, always disappointed, and that energy flows into what they're willing to do today. So I just feel like I love that one. That's a good one, honey.

Thanks.

My first takeaway is to start consistently speaking up for yourself. Speak up for yourself, my friend, if you really want courage. What we found in high performance habits and the research we did was that the world's highest performers, the way they perceived courage wasn't like they were jumping in rivers to save little babies floating by. I guess. Terrible visual little babies floating by. Like there's just a bunch of a raft of babies. Oh, God, you guys are going to kill me on the Internet for this one. But they don't see it as this big dramatic Superman or superwoman experience. They viewed courage as speaking up for their true thoughts, feelings, emotions, desires, wants, needs with other people. They didn't hold back, they didn't suffer in their life in silence. They spoke up for themselves. And I think it's a good way to challenge you and be honest right now. Does your family or your friends or your co workers or the people around you, do they really know who you are and what you want? Courage is really about showing up every day and expressing our truth to the world, because that invites judgment. That can be scary, that can get you shut down. But when you show up as your full self each day and express yourself to the world, use your word, share your thoughts, tell me what you think or need and you're authentic about that, that's a different quality of life you will start living. And that is how you demonstrate consistent courage in life. It doesn't take a big thing. I'd also share it's not just speaking up for other people. We found in our research that high performers are often those who also speak up for others. So you see someone being bullied, speak up, say, hey, you know what, give her a chance to be heard here. Everyone quiet down. She deserves a shot. Hey, you know what? That's not nice what you just said to that person. Let's all be professional here. Like speaking up for your peers, speaking up for those who you lead, speaking up for those who you believe in. That type of, like, quality in a person does make them courageous because most people will sit silently back, not speak up for others, allow the bullying to go on, and, and that ultimately lowers the standards of our, I think, citizenship in the world. So speak up for yourself, speak up for others. That's.

My second one is to push yourself. And all right, this seems super, super simple. But, you know, when you think of courage, courage is demonstrated by doing something even though there's a presence of fear. And fear is either not knowing something or going, doing something that is unknown. And I think the more experience that you have, challenging yourself and being courageous by taking challenges that do, you know, scare you or are a little bit out of your comfort zone, that's how we grow. But the more you do that, what happens is you gain more experience doing that and you with more experience, you have more familiarity. So the more frequently you do it, the more familiar. And then it's not as there's not as much fear associated with it. And have you ever done something where, you know, the first time you did it, you were terrified, and then you did it a second time and you're like, okay, well that wasn't so bad. And then the third time, yeah, and Then the third time you're like, okay, I'm getting a rhythm. And the fourth time, and you just constantly improve or you learn something from it, and then it's not as scary because you know you've done it before and you're like, oh, my gosh, I didn't die. And so if you can continue to take that on. But what happens is that you start to accumulate courage. So now, over time, rather than taking on small chunks or small challenges, you're able to take on bigger and bigger challenges. And then the confidence that comes from taking on bigger challenges just continues to increase. You're able to do more and more. When you reflect back on maybe the things that you first were afraid of or that took courage to jump into or overcome, you'll look back and you'll be like, oh, that was so small. What was I doing? Now I'm so much more capable of taking on such bigger challenges because it's like flexing a muscle. The more you use it, the easier it gets and the stronger it gets and the more muscle memory it has. So keep doing those things frequently. And. And the opposite happens too. The less you take on challenges, the scarier and, like, the huger the wall is to continue to take that on. So really flex that muscle. Do it frequently.

Push yourselves. I mean, push yourself consistently. I think that's huge and central to everything we teach high performance. My second point is something that I've learned, definitely as we started HPX together and as I've gotten, I would say just more. I'd love to say more mature, but just older. Ask for help. Ask for help. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help. You know, especially in the last couple years. I work with a lot of people who had addictions or depression, who had emotional roller coasters in their life, who lost children, who have been, you know, faced every difficult challenge of humanity. And the people who I really admire in retrospect over the last couple years have been people who face their hardships and they were willing to raise their hand and go, I don't know how to deal with this, you know, because it can feel so weak to ask for help. Because especially in our culture in the west, we want to be so powerful and in control and independent, and yet I think one of the greatest demonstrations of courage you can ever have is to ask for help. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know what to do next. I'm down, I'm frustrated, I'm stuck. Stuck. And do you have Any advice? Do you have anything that can help me? Reaching out is an act of courage, and I believe we need to teach kids that more who internalize so many of their problems and don't ask for help. I believe we have to teach our spouses, our coworkers, those that we lead. Asking for help is part of the role. It's part of the job, part of what you're supposed to do to improve the relationship or to prove the team or to improve the business. That when you silently suffer through stuff that is never going to give you amazing breakthroughs, it's never going to give you change and transformation. We're talking about Transformation Week here. And part of Transformation Week is sometimes just asking for help. So please look out to your mentors, your role models, the people around you, and be vulnerable about the things that you don't know. I mean, even in my career, I reached out to so many times, I'd have a promotion lined up, and I thought I was like, okay, I think it's going to go good. I just proactively reach out to people and say, hey, can you have a look at this? Just, you know, sanity check this, see if I'm doing a good job. And they'd write back. They're like, you know, it took a lot of guts to ask that kid. Thank you. I appreciate, you know, you doing that. Good for you. And they just thought it was awesome. I always thought that asking for help would be a burden to people or that, like, I was capable. Why would I bother somebody else? You're not a burden to other people. Like, we live in a very connected and social world where people do want to care for you and support you and cheer you on over time. And not everybody, but the right ones will, and the right ones will really respect that you reached out and asked for help. I think that's just so important.

Yeah, yeah. And I think if you can, if you think that you're burdening somebody, if you were to flip the tables and somebody asks you. You for help and you were able to give that help or guidance to somebody, how amazing would that make you feel? And so I think just remember, remember that, because sometimes when you get to help people along the way, it's the best gift ever. My last one is to celebrate the small wins. And this is really big because when you look back and you see what you've accomplished and you internalize it, it gives you so much more confidence and momentum to continue to take on more challenges. So super simple. But I think often overlooked or just Kind of passed by. So stop a moment, celebrate your wins and your accomplishments along the way, because that's gonna create the momentum for you to be able to be more courageous and accumulate more courage to do bigger things.

It's gonna lock it in. Yep. I think that's the most important thing is like, you know, I'm just gonna tell you. But it's like if you saw our first transformation, we did get together, she was kind of like sometimes like this and just scared. But we have celebrated so many times and I'm always praising her and cheering her on because she's doing a great job. And I don't look her face, she's like, oh, God, can we finish this? But I think it's so important to have somebody who is celebrating the wins with you. Like, we celebrate so much as a couple to like, I have something happen in the career, we go out, she has something happen in hers, we go out, we celebrate, we have a pina colada, something goes on. And I think it's important to lock that in. Listen, because if you keep growing and you keep achieving things, but you don't ever lock it in, that's why the courage isn't in your character. Right.

The light isn't there at the other side.

Yeah, it's just like you've done all these amazing things, but you don't feel it as part of your identity yet because you're not locking in with the celebration. Celebrating the small wins, it locks it into your identity.

Goes, yes, I have.

And it just. Oh, God, that's gonna be a meme.

It just locks it in a little bit.

And that's incredibly important for people. All right, last big idea for me is the power of your community. You need to get around higher performing, exceptional, extraordinary people because seeing them live in their A game, seeing them take on big things, seeing them crush their goals, lifts your spirits and challenges you to do more. Like, I think about, like, we have a high performance mastermind. This mastermind is extraordinary people who push themselves and push themselves and push themselves, but are doing in a way where they maintain their well being, they maintain their relationships, their service to the world. They're inspiring human beings, really inspiring. And I think that's what's important is that you, you have to surround yourself with people who are more than you are. And I know people hate when I use that phrase more than you are, but I'm like, there's a lot of people who, they, they're just better than me who are in my community. I'm like, wow. That person achieved more in some area of their life, whether maybe they had, you know, they were a better caregiver, they were a better husband, wife, spouse, they were a better business owner, they had a bigger team, they earned more, they've made a bigger impact, they're more following whatever it is. Like, there are people who are above your competency level. Get around them. They're more. Not more as a person or character, but sometimes they are. I've been around a lot of people, they're just better than me and I admire them and I'm humble about. I'm like, you're awesome. Can I learn from you? You want to join my group? I get people in my community who just wow me. And that didn't. That's not like just they were there. I've strategically architected the people I wanted to be around in my life. I built my masterminds, I built my peer group, I built my co workers, I built my team to be aspirational figures people who, I watch them, I'm like, woo. Wow. And that makes me lift, that makes me get better. And I just feel like, you know, even just the other night we were out with some excitement, like exceptional people. And you know, one of the people, they're in better health than me. I'm like, dang, I gotta hit that gym more. Up my game. You need people to up your game. Because when you are forced to up your game to live up to your peer group, then guess what? Courage is automatic. It just starts happening because you're gonna challenge yourself to get outside your comfort zone, to rise to their level. And that is why it's important to surround yourself with exceptional people.

Yeah. And surrounding yourself with exceptional people also brings in that piece of familiarity. Because when you're seeing it all the time, you're locking it in as being doable and it kind of goes back to that frequency and building the courage.

So true. So true. Our hope is that we can surround you with all the tools you need to live the high performance experience. There is another level of life that's more vibrant and connected and excellence driven. You just got to grab the tools, take advantage of what we're trying to serve here for you. Listen to these audios, engage with the podcast and keep your momentum going. Keep your momentum, my friends. Keep your momentum, my friends. Our next episode is the last one of Transformation Week. This was episode six. Transformation Week. A week is seven days. So episode number seven. Make sure you engage and enjoy it, my friends. We've really been enjoying this process I'll give a shout out to this beautiful woman here who had so much courage to jump in and do these sessions with me. Because it's hard. It's really hard to do this.

You make it look easy.

No, you make it fun. Until then, Denise has this thing she likes to say.

I do remember that every day you have a choice. You can choose to be average or you can choose to become extraordinary.

So, my friends, go be extraordinary. All right.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of Transformation Week. Again, if you really love this and you want the video based transition resources, tools and downloads for Transformation Week, make sure you go to transformationweek.com again. That's transformationweek.com and your email there. We'll send you the entire Transformation Week series, all the videos, all the resources, all the tools you'll be able to access for free@transformationweek.com.

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