Understanding People

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Hey, my friends, it's Brendon Burchard and welcome to the Brendan Show. This is a podcast about helping you reach high performance in your life, in every area of your life. It's about staying more motivated, more confident, more disciplined and on purpose. You know, the high performance experience is really about feeling more vibrant, more connected, more excellent, more fulfilled in your life. But it's also challenging you because you and I both know it's difficult to reach those levels of high performance without support, without ongoing commitment and dedication to your own personal development. So welcome to our HPX community. Thank you for joining us here on the Brendon Show. I'm super pumped for today's episode. Before we begin, I want to let you know that we have specials right now on our HPX nutrition line. If you didn't know it, I rolled out three specific products to help you with your performance. These are three specific supplements that will really give you the edge. Now, don't worry, I'm not starting an MLM or a downline. I'm not asking you to promote any of my products. And frankly, just like you, there's a lot of different companies and a lot of different products that I love and I enjoy and I'm not trying to compete with. It was specifically, I could not find three world class supplements that specifically helped me in these areas. So we've got HPX Optimize, which is a mental focus and energy product for your brain health. Then we've got Essentials, which is a functional multivitamin which we've basically enhanced for longevity, for joint health and for vitality and digestion. But what we did, instead of like making a multivitamin where they sprinkled a million different things in there that actually have no effect, we put in dosages here that you'll be amazed by. And then finally we've got HPX Organic Boost, which is the energy drink mix that I take because it's 100% organic. It's actually delicious too, I have to tell you that. So go check it out. Hpxwellness.com, everything you need to know is right there. And if you've ever wanted to know how to reach the high performance experience in terms of your biology and physiology, these products can really support you. Go to hpxwellness.com and without further ado, onto today's episode.

One thing I want to know about everybody I do with is like, what are you enthusiastic about? What makes you enthusiastic? What, what draws your enthusiasm or your passion? What is it? And I don't just mean you. I want you to think about this. This is what you need to understand. Think about that coworker you're frustrated with. Think about that team member you're frustrated with it. Right? Think about your spouse when you like, do you know what they are enthusiastic about in life? I really believe if you don't know that answer, you don't yet know the person. And you know one of my mentors and dear friends, a guy named Paulo Coelho. Paulo, one of the most followed authors on the planet. He wrote the Alchemist. Y' all read the Alchemist? Yeah. If you haven't read the Alchemist, write it down. If you haven't read the Alchemist in the last five or ten years, read it again for real. It's just outstanding. So Paulo became a friend of mine. I got a call one day in the office and he says, I remember picking up the phone. It was this one phone I had in the studio and I never picked up. No one ever had this phone number. The phone rings and I said, hey, hello. I was curious who it was. And he said, hello, Brandon? I said, it's Brendan. Who is this?

Yes.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes, Brendan. Brendan Brendon Burchard. Yes. Who is this? Oh, Brendan. Yes. Yes, it's Paulo Coelho. Now, Paulo, like the Alchemist changed my life. This is one of, like, the seminal books of my lifetime. I'm like, what? And of course, it's a phone call I'm not expecting, so. And I go, yeah, right. I don't think it's really him. He says, no, no, no, Ben, it's really me. I said, you wrote the Alchemist? He goes, yeah, and I'm totally not thinking this true. But then he said, I can't remember what he. I'm trying to fire my memory of what he said, but then he said something. I knew it was him. And he says, so, yes, it's Paulo. Paulo Coelho. And I go, really? And my voice cracked like a 12 year old. And I had the blessing of getting to know him and working with him and helping him on his book launches. And one of the things along me getting to help him do what he does in the world was him teaching me. And one of the things I really learned from him and understand deeply from him, he says that the two primary emotions of work, creativity, magic, are enthusiasm and love. He says, if you can tap into enthusiasm and love, the world is a different place. And I always love that so much. And I really believe at the heart of everything is an enthusiasm, an Enthusiasm for life. Who's enthusiastic for your life now? After leaving hpa, I'm so excited. We don't even know. I don't know. Based on my curriculum. You don't know, based on your commitments right now, you don't even know how far you're gonna be in 12 months, how much you'll grow, how great you'll feel, how much your improvement will happen in your relationships, in your life. But if you maintain enthusiasm and for that growth, every step of the way, you honor the journal, the journey. You bring the. If you can do that every step and maintain enthusiasm, I mean, it's everything Winston Churchill said. Success is just maintaining enthusiasm. From failure to failure. I was like, that's good. So do you know what your kids are enthusiastic about? What are they looking forward to? Do you know what your spouse is? Do you know what your team leader, your coworkers are? What are they. What gets them going? What are they enthusiastic about. Then? I always also try to understand people's expectations. What are they expecting to happen? What do they expect to happen for their career? What do they expect to happen in their relationships? What do they expect to happen at work, in their health? Because how people set their expectations is how they activate their potential. How people set expectations is how they activate potential. Meaning if your expectations are low, of course, you don't activate yourself on high. When you don't expect a lot to happen, you don't give into it. But if you expect something from it, you expect something from yourself. Often. Now, some people get this backwards, and their expectations are really completely bizarre and weird. They're like, expectations are like, you know, I'm gonna be a millionaire overnight. And that expectation causes fear or strange behavior. And so expectations can explain a lot about somebody, right? My favorite thing is, next time you're in a fight with somebody, like in the middle of the argument, in the middle of conversations, just pause and go, you know what? Can I just take a beat? I know, I know we're really heated right now. Let me ask a question. What do you expect is going to happen in this conversation? Well, you're going to yell at me, you're going to do this, you're going to do that. But soon as you touch in, well, I expect this is going to happen. Then if they say something negative, then you say, well, how can we have this conversation so that doesn't happen? Once you understand a negative expectation, you ask the question, how can we do it so that that doesn't happen? Well, I expect failure. I expect, you know, this Horrible thing to happen. Okay, then what would you have to do today so that that doesn't happen? Right? Cause a bad expectation can make a big excuse. So once you know the expectation, you can diffuse the excuse by saying, so how do we make it so that that does not happen? Because maybe their expectation is realistic, but still ask, how do we ensure it doesn't happen? I like to. When I try to understand people, I want to know their education. I want to know what they have been taught about life themselves. I don't just mean school, though. That's important to me, too. I'm like, have you. Did you have any schooling when you grew up? Were you homeschooled? Did you go to high school? Did you go to college? Did you get your master's degree? Did you go to community college? Like, people's education is important, but I also mean life education. Like, what did your parents teach you? Like, for me, as an example, in my relationship with my lady, what her parents taught her and how they are, what they educated her about life and about conflict and about dreams and things is different than how my parents educated me. Understand? You always got to engage people with how they have been taught about life, about other things. Cause people have been conditioned. When we're young, we are really programmed with a lot of stuff. So we gotta know what was the expectation there? But what did they get taught? So, for example, it doesn't matter what I mean, think about this. You and your spouse, you make some money and you're excited about it. And you say, we're gonna go house hunting. We're gonna go find our dream house. If you don't inquire about that, like, how do you want this? Like, today we're gonna go to all these things. We're gonna look at all these things. What are you looking for? What to you, what have you been taught that is a dream house? Cause most people, they think they know what a dream house is, but they're really just saying, well, I think a dream house is like this because their parents said it was like that, or someone else showed it to them and they're not really sure what their thing is. So it's like, I always ask the question. It's like, so what did your parents describe as a dream house? But what would your expectations be for a dream house? Because some expectations for a dream house you might think is too big or too little, Right? When Denise and I started looking for houses, we had very different expectations for what our first house was gonna be. For me, I had started making It. So my expectation for a first house was like, yes. And her expectation was, well, it's our first house, so we'll start small. And so when we first started looking around, we'd walk into a few. She's like, what are we doing here? And I'm like, why can't you be happy? I'm teasing, but how easy would have that been? But it was like, I think we looked at our fourth house and I said, what are you expecting today? Like, what is a dream house like to you? What would you get excited about for a dream house? And that conversation, like, reset us because we saw a couple things that she liked.

And I was like, what?

But if you're not open about these things, then conflict happens.

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I like to always make sure that I understand the effort that they have put into something. If your child is complaining about the math homework, I want to know how much of the homework they've done. You have to meet people, not where they are. You have to meet people where they have been and what they have done. If you always meet them where they are without understanding what have they already done, what effort? Like, when someone says, brendan, I want to start my own business, I don't say what kind of business. I tell them, okay, tell me about the business experience you had so far. What have you done in business so far? Help me understand that. Give me the context, and then let's go from there. It just helps to understand, like, you can't give business. Like, if you ask me, brendan, how to do this marketing, and I just go, well, don't you do this? And I'll first say, have you done marketing before? How many? See this? That's a different answer. You gotta know, what have they done, where they have been, how long they have tried something. So I'm always trying to understand where the effort and not just what have they done, but where is their effort currently going. That's where I have a lot of breakthroughs with clients. I'm like, where is your effort currently being applied? Oh, my effort's being applied here. Oh, but you said you want to go here. Yeah, but I have to do this. Why do you have to do this? My spouse, the team, we already make money here. But you said you want to go here. Yeah, but that's going to have to wait because I'm doing this thing. I'm like, but are you. This thing is not the end game. No, it's just something I'm doing right now. Well, why don't you move more quickly to this? Well, you know, I just haven't. And what people are looking for is outside permission sometimes. Who recognizes that? Sometimes they just need someone to say, it is okay for you to stop this and start that. Right. And if we're on day four at High Performance Academy and you still have a dream and you're waiting for permission, no one can ever give you that. That inside your mind you go, I need to start that. I need to make that transition. I need to make that change, and I need to start that win. Now, I tell you, no matter how small, you start, start something that matters. Last thing I try to understand about somebody, you can't understand a person outside of the environment that you're in. You can't understand a fish if you don't understand the lake it's in. You just can't. So I need to know their environment. A lot of women say, I want to do this thing, Brendan. And I'm like. I'm always asking, like, okay, well, tell me about the environment you're in right now. Do you have friends? Do you have supporters? What's your spouse like? And it's like, if I understand they're in a toxic environment. Once you understand somebody's in a toxic environment, do you talk to them differently? Do you understand that, like, their journey might be different than someone else's? Are you more patient and compassionate? Like, what we do is we treat everybody not like we want to be treated. We treat everybody like we think that we are. And that's the mistake. You cannot treat people like how you are. I can't do that. If I talk to a kid from a community who is so different than the community I grew up in and what I understand of the world, I have to meet that kid where he's at or she's at, not where I came from or where I am at. I need to understand what is her or his environment. Because if I find out they're in toxic relationships, or I find out they're in a disadvantaged community, or I find out they're in the ghetto, or I find out their money is being stolen from them at school, or I find out this happened to them. And like, once you understand all that, it changes where your first steps are with them. Everyone follows. It changes your tone, it changes your composure. So I think it's so important for us to try to meet people where they're at, but understand the context they're in, and this is their context. You want to understand people. If you don't understand how they're educated, if you don't understand where they're putting their effort, if you don't understand the environment they live in day in and day out, you don't understand the expectations they had or the expectations set upon them by other people. Cause do you think I deal with a Fortune 50 CEO different than the startup person? Different expectations. I got a guy here or gal there, and they're in a startup and I got another person in a public company, I gotta talk to them differently. Cause the expectations on the shoulders of a person in a public company is way different than the expectations on somebody who owns their own business. It's not the same. It's like. It's literally a different conversation. And so you gotta know these things about people. Does this help? It's like a checklist for your next meeting, your next big, like, important. Sit down with somebody, think about, what do you know about them in these areas? What questions could you ask about in these areas? And you have one of the most unbelievable conversations of your life. Many of you, each of these areas, you don't even know these about your partner. You don't. You don't know until you explore. And so I invite you to explore these areas with them. All right?

Hey, it's Brendan. I hope you enjoyed that episode, and I hope it helped you reach another level of high performance in your life. Whether it's just a shift in your mindset or shift in your habits or a shift in your intention for the day. I really honor you for listening to the Brendon show, and I'm deeply thankful. So could you do me a favor? Could you just go onto itunes or Apple Podcasts and rate and review this episode or any of our episodes? And also while you're there to help me, just download the last five episodes too, onto your phone. Because, you know, Apple really cares about the downloads and the rating and reviews, and I've never really asked for that in six years of podcasting and finally my friends convinced me to ask you to do that for me. I've never asked anything on my podcast community ever, but I really, really appreciate if you could do that. Also, if you would like some more in depth training, please don't forget that every single month I go live for two hours and teach new and original personal development, research new frameworks to my entire virtual community in our HPX coaching program. And you can just go to hpxcoaching.com that's hpxcoaching.com to learn all about the different options there. But listen, I'm live two hours every single month with literally thousands of high achievers from around the world who tune in to get these new frameworks for reaching high performance in their life. Sometimes we talk about relationships, sometimes we talk about breaking bad habits. Sometimes we talk about achieving another level of confidence or discipline or goal attainment. But we are there every single month and I'd love for you to join us. Just go to hpxcoaching.com to see all of your options and really join us. Dedicate yourself to personal mastery. Dedicate yourself to this journey, not just once in a while with an episode here or there or a book there, but literally a program that could change your Life. It's called HPX Coaching and you can go to hpxcoaching.com until next time, my friends, please remember every single day you can choose to be average or ordinary or just kind of go through the motions. Or you can be more intentional, more disciplined, more excellence driven what you do because you know you need to serve those you love and those that you lead. You can choose to be extraordinary. So my friends, go out there today and be extraordinary.