Workout: Destroy Imposter Syndrome

What do you do if you ever deal with imposter syndrome? Do you feel like sometimes you were faking it till you made it? Do you feel like sometimes you just didn't belong? You know, even if you were successful or you're doing good things, you felt like, well, I'm not like them. I don't really belong here. Listen, stop asking whether or not you belong and start asking whether or not you're being of service. Like, part of the imposter syndrome comes from the selfie syndrome. Like, just thinking about myself, am I right? Do I really fit in? Am I good enough? Am I worthy enough? And it's I, I, I, I, I. Worry, worry, worry. It's from this selfie generation where we're all, like, you know, like, taking pictures of ourselves and thinking about how we portray ourselves all the time, and how do I portray myself? Does it fit in with everything else? And because it doesn't, I don't feel like I belong. Part of it's like, stop asking if you belong. Start asking if you're being of absolute service every day. Because if you feel like you're being absolute service every day, you're not going to worry whether you fit in as much. You're going to worry whether you're right. You're gonna worry whether or not you're actually contributing value. Because I think one part of the imposter syndrome is that people don't feel like they're adding value. And if they're really honest, they know they're not. And because they're not adding value, they feel like, gosh, this isn't right for me, or I'm faking it. And the fact is, they are. So let's talk about four ways to deal with this. Number one, if you have the imposter syndrome and it's firing off and you don't feel like you belong, or you feel like you're faking it and you don't. Like, you don't deserve it, or you're not worth. Well, then job number one is stop faking it. Start asking how can you do what you're doing in a way that you feel like is authentic, real, and adding real value the way that you would do it. Stop trying to do it the way everyone else is doing, because that's what faking it ultimately is. It's like you're just conforming and you're copying and you're doing what other people like, what they're doing. And no wonder you feel like crap. Because if you show up every day and you live like a copy. You're never gonna feel that vibrancy comes from personal freedom. That comes from personal authenticity. That comes from knowing, like, this day is mine. Because if you live each day as another person, you never get that gift of this day's mine. I got it. This is real for me. And so you, of course, you feel like a fake and a phony because you're showing up running everybody else's playbook, trying to fit into everybody else's thing. And I'm here to tell you, listen, no matter who you are, and when you're listening to this, I know this about you. You've got, like, a bottomless level of potential. Like, you have the ability to figure things out and live life on your terms and add a level of value into the world that I can't do that anybody else you follow, like, watch. They can't do because they're not you. They haven't lived uniquely in your shoes. They haven't studied what you study or observe what you have observed or dealt with everything that you've dealt with or had the same exact aspirations and dreams. There's 7 billion people on the planet. We're all unique. And so you've got to say, okay, if I feel like imposter here, what would my truth be in this space? What would. Like, if I stepped away and I just. Like, what would be real for me to do? Like, your job, one is to stop faking it, stop conforming, stop copying, and say, how would I do this? And add a unique value that I'm passionate about, and that helps immediately break some of that. Imposter syndrome number two, if you feel like you are experiencing imposter syndrome number two is stop avoiding difficulties. What happens is because you don't feel like you belong, or you don't feel like it's real for you, or you don't deserve that level of success, you back off. And your primary strategy is avoidance. You start avoiding those difficult tasks each day that actually give you momentum and progress towards the thing so you can feel it and integrate it and know it is you. Right? You're not getting that momentum from forward on the things that matter. So you're not getting that identity that says, wow, this is me. I am making this happen. Instead, you're observing it and you're avoiding it. And so as you see people do great things or you avoid the difficult hardships, your psychology starts saying, hey, you're not even trying. You're not even doing it. You know what? Yeah, you showed up here, but you're just going through the motions and you're not taking on the tough stuff. And here's the weird thing. If you're not getting momentum, you won't have the mindset of authenticity. Like, if you're just kind of like, kicking tires or dipping your toe in the water, your brain goes, I'm fake. This isn't real. You'll always feel like an imposter if you don't get real momentum. When you get real momentum, your brain goes, hey, this is us. We're doing this. This is real. And the identity of an achiever in that space that you are, like, starts firing. And now it starts feeling real. You're like, wow, I got this. I'm doing this. This is good. And the imposter syndrome starts going away. The third big idea to help you do exactly that and to deal with imposter syndrome is to work daily goals. You cannot keep showing up random to so many days of your life, because in reaction, we feel smaller. In reaction, we feel constrained and constricted by the world. We feel like things are unfair. In reaction, we're less motivated. In reaction, we won't break through. So you gotta have goals built out that you're moving towards. That does give you that identity of achievement and the identity of realness that says, hey, I'm doing this. And so here's what I need you to do. I need you to look at the next 12 months, and I need to set at least five big goals for this next year. Then I want you to break each of those five goals down into five different deadlines for each quarter. Then you're saying, okay, what are the major activities I need to do each week leading into that and then each day leading that? Just work it backwards, my friend. Because you know, when you don't have confidence, when you don't have clarity. So if you're like, I want to do it and I'm kind of doing it, and things are going okay, but I still feel like it's not real for me, and I don't like it. Partially the reason is you just don't know what to do. And when we don't know what to do, when we lack competence, we also lack confidence. More competent. If you don't try new things, which requires confidence. And if you try new things, you learn more, which gives you confidence. So it's this loop, right? If you're not working goals every day, if you're just reacting and doing tasks, fulfilling everybody else's needs, that's gonna eat away. Even if you have a lot of success. You know when the imposter syndrome really sucks is when you're actually getting ahead. You are doing good things. Like, things are happening, but you still don't feel like you're worthwhile. And that's happening because you're not celebrating those goals along the way. You're doing everything, but you're never, ever feeling everything. The wins aren't being integrated into your identity to make you feel like, oh, this is real. I deserve this because I measured it, I broke it down. I judiciously conscientious move forward. Like, if we don't know that we are, like, conscientiously with real discipline moving forward and gaining momentum because we chose it, we willed it, then it's easy to look around and go, yeah, I'm with these other people, but I don't feel like I belong, because, you know, they must have really earned it. And I just kind of lucked into it. Because if you feel you lucked into it, that imposter syndrome will always be there. I can be deeply grateful, but know that I earned this path, that I honored every single struggle, that I architected it out, that I built the strategies. Yeah, lots of failings happened, and grace opened up, and I got, you know, blessings and benefits. Yeah, there's some luck peppered in there too. But also, I showed up every single day, and I decided what I was gonna do that day. And because I did that, I decided and I stayed disciplined. I don't feel fake. I don't feel like I'm an imposter. I'm like, I earned my way into this spot. And sometimes I wish that, you know, the spot was more abundant, more amazing, more awesome, more connected, just like anybody else. But I don't question the work that went into it. And if you can't say you earned it, of course you feel like an imposter. And so I want you to start visualizing and meditating on the actual outcome of your contribution. So as an example, if you're a new team member of a new company and you're just like, gosh, I don't really belong here. I don't feel like I'm. Every time you feel that imposter syndrome come in, I want you to close your eyes, and I want you to visualize yourself doing something, and I want you to visualize yourself experiencing, celebrating, seeing, sensing the outcome of the thing. I remember being with a group of speakers one time, and they had really, like, they'd done a bunch of seminars, and they were really along the way. And I'd only done one or two. And I didn't do them well. I went broke doing them. I had no idea what I was doing. And I thought, oh my gosh, do I belong with these guys? Like, can I play at their level in the seminar game? And I remember that doubt coming in. I went over, I got in the hotel elevator and I closed my eyes and just said, brendan, just see it, man. And I forced myself to see myself standing in front of a thousand people in a hotel ballroom for multiple days. And just like teaching and training and coaching and interacting and having fun and jumping and clapping. And I just kept, I was like, how would that feel? And I allowed myself to feel it and what would it look like? And I'd like get little details. And I went up, it was maybe 10 floors in that building. And I'll tell you what, from the doubtful kid who entered on floor zero to the kid who walked out on 10th floor, I felt like 1,000ft high. Like I felt so good, you know, because I felt it. And so much of the imposter syndrome is you're just kind of like analytically like questioning yourself and you're like digging yourself in a hole and you're doubting yourself and you're letting your own thoughts poison you versus fuel you. And there's a visualization or a meditation that could be your savior. And that is just anytime you feel it, take a break, go lay down or sit down, close your eyes, see it, feel it, sense it, and make it more real. Cause the reason you feel like you're an imposter is cause it feels fake. So make yourself physically feel and see the outcome of your good works. That might be like if you're gonna start a new nonprofit, like you're building that school and okay, you're opening the door and the kids are going in and they're getting their first books. And like you built a school, of course you feel like a fake when you start a non profit cause you don't know what you're doing. But if you do these things, you ask how you authentically can do it. You don't avoid the difficult at work. You work daily goals and you constantly keep visualizing and feeling it, visualizing and feeling it. I promise you, my friend, do these things and you'll stop feeling as much as imposter and you start getting real momentum. I keep saying it, you are stronger than you think and the future holds good things for you. So trust in yourself, honor the struggle, get to work. My friends, these next 12 months, they're yours.