7 Feb 2022 · 3 min
Fear isn't the problem. Most of what we call fear is just a story we tell ourselves: negative what-ifs like "What if I fail?" The real issue is disconnection from something bigger than the fear itself. Anchor yourself to a purpose, flip the what-ifs to positive ones, and fear becomes background noise.
Chapters
Fear gets too much play in our lives. We're always going to it, we're always blaming it. Oh, it's fear. Fear held me back. Well, I'm worried about this. So I stop. And you know what it is? It's a grand lie that's been perpetuated by society. It's a huge lie. Because look, real fear, physical fear especially is there's an external threat that's imminent and it's in your face. That's fear. Everything else is a self contrived story that we tell ourselves. And we need to realize that most fear is just bad management of our minds, but we allow ourselves to loop it. What happens if you don't know psychologically what's happening? Fear is really just saying what if? Followed by a negative statement. What if she rejects me? What if they don't give me the promotion? I ask, what if I fail? What if they make fun of me? What if I lose everything I worked so hard for? What if? Followed by a negative statement. I have a question for you though. What if you started focusing more in your life on the what ifs? Followed by a positive statement. What if she says yes? What if I get what I finally deserve? What if I can grow this business? What if I can accomplish that? What if I believed in myself again? And you started stewing on the positive as much as you stewed on that old negative? It would change your story, it would change how you feel about yourself. Fear is usually not the thing holding people back. What's usually holding them back is the connection with something more important than fear. Let me say it again. Fear is not usually what's holding people back. What's holding them back is a lack of connection with something that's bigger than fear. Right? I mean, how does a soldier run into harm's way? How does a firefighter run into the burning building? Right? There is always going to be fear when you're doing something where there might be risk, but instead the firefighter runs into the building because they have a bigger commitment to serve people and save people. That's bigger than if you're not doing something, don't blame fear. Realize that you're lacking a connection to something that's bigger than the fear. And so that's what heroes do. The firefighter said, what if I could save lives? The soldier said, what if I could serve my country? The executive who finally tried that big bold, crazy idea said, not what if this turns out badly? What if this is innovative, changes the game, serves our customers better. The woman who finally talked to her husband about that thing that's bothering her so long. Instead of saying, well, what if he's a jerk? She said, what if I finally move him this time? She said, what if he finally changes? And she got over her fears because she said, I care about our relationship and our future more than how scared I am. Say something that's vulnerable. You follow? Stop blaming the fear, my friend.