Workout: Healthy Communication

So I want you to understand my emphasis is on process here. The win is usually a process thing. It's identity, it's relationship. It's how are we communicating together? It's process. Also, though, you need to know the outcomes. The outcomes, which is, what do they want and what do you want? What are the things, what is the content? And how do you want to feel after? How do you want to feel after? See, we think before fighting about things. What we are really chasing is the feeling after resolution. We are chasing the feeling after resolution. Really, what I want to feel is more connected to you. Really, what I want to feel is that this thing is decided and we don't have to argue about it anymore. Who's ever given in and given something to somebody in an argument because you just wanted the argument to be over?

Yeah.

See, your win was a feeling of release. But if you don't know that what you're really after is the feeling of resolution and release, and you keep chasing the things. Sometimes even if you win the argument, you're losing the war. You're not getting. It's like, yeah, you debated good. You got the thing, but now the feeling is unresolved. The thing got resolved, but the feeling is unresolved. So if you would in your notes, process, outcome, and feeling. So if I'm going to work with you and you're a leader and you're fighting with your board. I just had this a couple of weeks ago. It's like, I'm consulting this Fortune 100 company, and this new CEO got brought in, and it's just like this huge battle, and da, da, da, da. And I go in and I said, here's something sometimes we forget to consider. Process, outcome, feeling. If we have this as a framework, let's start the conversation about how do we want this process to go? What are the things we're trying to get and what would make everyone feel good at the end? And they're like, who are you? And I said, let's just try it. And there was so much resistance. Nobody liked it in terms of the idea. But then I said, who would like to go first? Like a bunch of seventh graders. Meanwhile, I'm gonna go, okay, walk that person through. Then the next person walked through, and next person walked through, and next person walked through. And it found they had so much more common ground than they thought. But they were so stuck on the outcome bullets, they thought they needed resolution. Happened in two and a half hours. They've been fighting for three CEOs. It's not that hard. It's a different way of thinking about it. But I want you to write that down. Process, outcome, feeling. I want you to be aware of it now. It's okay if your partner isn't aware of it. It makes you a weapon. You have the competitive advantage because now you've got a secret weapon. Unconsciously, you know these things. And now, oh, you're winning process and you're winning feeling on those are the bookends between the outcome, process, feeling, outcomes in the middle. If you win the bookends, the outcomes almost sort themselves out. It's crazy. If you win the either side of the things that you think you're fighting about, process and feeling, it's almost like the outcomes are so much easier to debate and to solve because you want things to be good. So please know yours, know what you want in those areas and communicate them. This means you say, hey, when we talk about this, talk about the process you would like, can we have a conversation tonight like this? But it's. You're going to have to talk about these things explicitly because people don't know. People don't know. How many of you have ever been shocked that someone did not realize they.

Were hurting your feelings?

Have you ever just gone, do you know you're hurting me? And they don't see it. That's why you have to explicitly say it. The most important thing in all people, everything in people skills. The most important thing I told you is energy. E energy. Second most important thing is explicit communication. Explicit the words that you say. Everyone says it's non verbals. I'm like, no, no, no. They're not understanding that communication research at all. You know 80% of communication is non verbal. Well, yeah, because you can see the person. No, but resolution is about what are we saying together.

Okay, my friend, I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Brendon show. Tell some people about this episode. It's on each of us to spread positivity and empowerment during these times of chaos and negativity.

Right?

So I'm asking you to be the dealer of hope and personal growth and education in your tribe. So take a screenshot right now and share the screenshot and this link to this episode with three of your friends today. Post it on social media. Use the hashtag growthday. That's growthday because that's the name of my company and we're always giving away prizes to our community. If you'd like to help me personally, then please rate and review the podcasts on Apple podcasts. Give us some stars cheer us on.

Leave a review.

Because believe it or not, that stuff actually really does help. And I read all of them. So my last thought for today Please remember you are stronger than you think and the future holds good things for you. Tomorrow can be an inspired day. Every new morning is a second chance. Every day is a great day to grow. We're thankful to have you here in the Growth Day community, so be sure to go deeper with us@growthday.com.

Sam.