Mental Health Matter - What is up my friends?

Hey everyone, as you can see, I am not in my office tonight. Welcome to Mental Health Matters, formerly known as Suicide Prevention Saturday. Why are we here? Because 2 out of every 3 gun deaths that we hear about are suicides, and if we want to help start saving lives, we need to talk about mental health and suicide prevention. So, so great of y'all to pop in here. Saria Fan, G-Webs, Crabby Turtle, Jamie, nice to see you. I'm sorry I missed the verse last night. I was just too tired by the time y'all got to the verse, but I'm very proud of y'all for, you know, actually cleaning your guns. That is not something I do. Hey Abigail. All right, so Suicide Friends of Saturday. I have been at the Women's Expo in Bridgeport all day, and then I came home and I sat on this very couch with my husband, and it was lovely. And, um, And I'm lying here on the, on the couch, and my husband's like, so you're gonna do your thing? And that was about like 5 minutes ago, maybe 6 minutes ago. So, um, I'm glad y'all don't know— need the notification that it's happening, and you have faith that it's happening. And you can actually thank my husband tonight for the fact it happened at all, because otherwise I might still be sitting there on the couch. I am sitting on the couch, but not doing this part. All right, so, um, DJ is here with me, thankfully, because DJ also messaged me, but I hadn't looked at that, um, until my husband's like, so what are you doing tonight? I'm like, oh my gosh. All right, so this morning I got to get up on my drive down to Bridgeport, which is about 45 minutes to an hour away depending on traffic, um, and I got to listen to Tony Robbins. And you all know Well, I mean, not necessarily all of you, because who knows, there could be people that I met just today for the first time at the Bridgeport Women's Expo. So when I listen to Tony Robbins, it reminds me of the stuff that I already know that I may or may not have remembered to share with you guys. I started to say this because I have DJ in the back. I'm going to not look at the chat because I'm already a little bit— oh my goodness. So chocolate cake. I don't know if you all saw that in the description. I promised someone some discussion about chocolate cake. So this morning on the drive in and, uh, being part of the Tony Robbins event, and they were talking about the baker and how Tony has this amazing baker who makes the best chocolate cake ever. Now those of you who bake know it's very specific, like It's a lot of things, right? Making chocolate cake— if I just gave you some flour and I gave you some eggs and I gave you some sugar and some baking powder and some cocoa and I said make a cake, how do you think that cake's going to turn out if I just give you the raw ingredients, right? And every week, in theory, my goal here is to try to give you guys different recipes and ideas for how to make things better in your lives or help others. So when we actually talk about it like a recipe— so I'm giving you some chocolate, you've got some flour, you've got some eggs, whatever else, butter maybe, cream, milk, some kind of liquid— and I just give that to you. Are you gonna be able to make a cake? Most of us are going to say no, we cannot. And, and everyone loves chocolate cake, which is why we use the chocolate cake recipe. Now If I at least give you that we need 1 cup, or we need 4 cups of flour, we need 2 cups of sugar, we need 3 eggs, we need 1 cup of milk, and the oven needs to be at 325. So are you going to be able to make the cake? The answer is maybe, right? Because now we have specific quantities of the things. But we may not know in what order. And if you're a baker, yes, most of us kind of know that you put dry ingredients and wet ingredients and then you put them together. But if you're not a baker and I just gave you all of the things, even if I give you the right amounts, you're probably still not going to come out with an awesome chocolate cake. Oh, I forgot the cocoa. We obviously need cocoa if we're going to have a chocolate cake. So when we're talking about recipes, There's lots of stuff that goes into it. Now, if I tell you the ingredients, I tell you how much of the ingredients, and then I say, well, this one goes first and this one goes second and this one goes third, stir these things versus fold these things. And for those, again, those are not bakers, folding is when we gently move around the bowl and just kind of meld things together. Stirring is like what you do to your coffee to make it the same color if you put cream in it, and it is not the same as folding. So when it comes to baking a cake, we even need to know not just what ingredients, not just how much of each ingredient, not even how they— which things are put together when, but how we're actually mixing them in order to get a similar result. When it comes to baking. So, dear Lord, Brooke, get to the point. What does this have to do with mental health madness and matters and suicide prevention? You and I have recipes, and some of us know our recipes and some of us do not. So instead of thinking about milk, eggs, butter, think about our visual, what we see, our audio, what we hear, our nose. Our nose is a big one. What we smell. This is like one of those sneaky little things that those, uh, real estate people do. Oh, I am so— that's it, that's it. DJ's going up whether he likes— see, look, DJ actually has stinking chocolate cake. That's just not right. We did not plan this, just so we're clear. That's just wrong. What, what? Oh, and then we got a Carol too. He's like, I'm turning that off now. Um, that is hysterical, dude.

All right, you know, could it be more serendipitous? You didn't— we didn't talk about the fact that my mom baked one of those or that I was out to see her this last week, but I have just been scrambling between writing people's names down, running over, grabbing a piece of cake, putting it on a plate, then trying to pose it as best as possible. Just like, we are all about the live tonight, folks.

We are all about serendipity and how, how quickly and easily stuff can fall through, flow together, even if it's not fully planned. So, um, all right, so we got the stuff, we know how much of it, we know how to put it together. So that recipe for that cake is how we get that chocolate cake. And DJ got to show us an actual chocolate cake, which I was not expecting. So, um, Here's the thing, back to the ingredients. Instead of flour, we can see things. Instead of sugar, we can smell things. Instead of the milk, we can taste things. We can feel things with our hands. So audio, what we can hear also. These are our recipes for our emotions. And sometimes we pay attention to them and sometimes we do not. And this is where the mental health stuff comes in. Is that certain triggers and certain recipes— because I really like that better than saying triggers— certain recipes will create a certain event. So for example, y'all almost didn't have a show tonight because I came home, took my shoes off, sat on the couch, put my head in my husband's lap, and he was petting my head because I love that very much. And I was just so comfy, and it was just, oh, it's a weekend night, the kids don't have school tomorrow. And I was just in that recipe of I'm gonna rest, relax, and there's nothing else to do. And so I had a kinesthetic in that I'm just lying there and I'm getting my head pet. I'm sitting here with my eyes and I'm just watching, vegging out on TV, and I was very relaxed. And then The next recipe came in, which was panic. My recipe for panic was my husband saying, are you going to do your thing tonight? And it's like 6 of 9. And so what happens in paying attention to how that occurred? So I went from nice and calm and, oh, everything's awesome, to holy crap, I'm about to let everyone down. And how could I forget this? And I had the panic came with some anger and some frustration of what is the matter? Why did I forget these things? But it's like you and I have our different recipes, right? And one of the things is like, do I want to feel panic? No, not really. So even though I felt the panic, I'm like, okay, hold on, take that breath, stop for a moment. But we have to understand what the recipe is in order to interrupt the recipe, as it were, and understand that certain things, certain inputs, are going to create different emotions in ourselves. So when we're creating those emotions, it's like, wait, wait, what is that recipe? Did I see something? Oh, roadkill always makes me sad, um, because there's wasted meat on the road. No, and no pelts and you can't really use them. So it's kind of a bummer, but it's just like seeing something can elicit certain events in your body, good, bad, or different. You know, it's like, who doesn't love that first kiss at a wedding? Doesn't that make your little heart go pitter-patter? So understanding which recipes are there in your body, in your brain as it is, smells. Like I was starting to say, starting to talk before TJ showed us the picture of the chocolate cake, how if you bake bread in your house before the realtor shows the house, you are more likely to actually sell the house. That is a real thing because we have that auditory or olfactory, and you smell stuff and it elicits emotions. So here's a truth for all of us. We all have different types of recipes. Most of us, our recipes are just running and we're not even paying attention. So the first thing that I'm trying to help with today for Mental Health Matters is start becoming aware of what your recipes are. Like, I don't know if Tara's out there because we haven't done roll call, but we'll do that shortly. Um, you know, she's on her bike. You know, those of us who like motorcycles and like riding, that is a certain recipe for happiness generally. It's not just a mode of getting one place to the next. And so if we start paying attention to our emotions and what we're feeling and understanding what is creating that recipe of that emotion, then we can start saying, okay, well, is this the best chocolate cake I've ever had? And I want to do this often, like me lying here on the couch with my husband. Yes. Or is it the slightly sour, maybe they didn't use good ingredients chocolate cake that we don't like, like that panic that I had when he's like, are you doing your show tonight? Um, and it's like, but okay, so this, uh, maybe that wasn't where I want to be, but how do we change the recipe? But in order to do that, we have to first know what is our outcome. And if we're happy and excited and all of that, I can tell you one of the biggest things— motion equals emotion. Jumping up and down, smiling, singing, all of those things are usually good recipes for happiness and joy. Um, unless you're having a tantrum, and then it's a— the, the, uh, beating of the fists and all the movement can be a recipe for annoyance. That being said, we are way far in. Mr. DJ, if you'd be so kind, since I know you've been busy scrambling and writing everybody's name down, by all means please welcome everyone in.

Right on, it's my pleasure. Uh, most recently in the room we have Chris Con Brancato, the Atomic Punk, for that Chasing Ghosts. She is out there. And, uh, yeah, G23 is also out there. Abigail Sorcha Finnegan. Patriot in the Dark. Hey man, Hillbilly Up's out there, so is Gizzard Gary, Jorge Diaz, JBJ586, The Crabby Turtle, Sorry if I Have 93 Gun Websites. And when I hear that, or I feel that pitter-patter in my heart because I'm seeing the first kiss or whatever, I'm closer to the comment that'll bring up later from Patriot in the Dark. And that's the pitter-patter of my heart beating faster because I'm running for the door.

All right, go ahead and bring up whatever, whatever, uh Whatever you have.

Patriot of the Dark saying, when I see that first kiss, I hear Another One Bites the Dust for some odd reason.

Yeah.

And here's the, uh, hello from Jason Coe saying she's, uh, fading, try to stay awake for this, and that panic is a familiar experience for everyone. Also, she has lots of recipes.

Exactly. Um, yeah, so as far as that goes, it's just— sorry, DJ, here, I'll keep my hands off. Go ahead, push the button. Are you happy now? Okay. Um, but yeah, it's, it's, it's the other part about being a teacher in general, right? No matter what you're teaching is that we are trying to take the known to the unknown. And so that's why we started talking about chocolate cake 'Cause I'm pretty sure most everybody watching this has had chocolate cake at some point, right? Did it make your mouth water a little bit when we showed the picture of TJ's chocolate cake? That was perfect. But we take the known, something that we understand, into the unknown, which is starting to pay attention to the fact that we have recipes for everything in our life. We have patterns for everything in our life, and they can be supporting us and helping us move on, like clean eating, exercise, drinking water, getting sleep. And we have those things that don't support us, like thinking that we're a wreck, not worthy, someone else will take care of it, something, all of those things. And it's just like we run on autopilot because unfortunately we often are human doings. Versus human beings and running from thing to thing to thing to thing. Which is why, like, today, coming home from being at the Women's Expo from 10 to 3 and basically talking almost non-stop for the entire time, like, hitting the couch was awesome. And, um, and it was like, I met lots of awesome people. The ladies were excited, the guys were excited, it was a good time. But at the same time, it's like, it's a lot. And, um, at one point I thought I was losing my voice because I did not bring a lot of stuff with me. Um, all right, I see the stars, I see the stars. Okay, so Patriot in the Dark, my daughter changed her recipe about 3 years ago. She's got her full ride scholarship, $180 change. Yeah, so again, back to we have recipes that support us and we have recipes that don't. And the other part that's really hard, especially being like a parent is understanding that we can't necessarily teach anybody else how to cook, right? As parents, we can give our best, um, best advice. We can offer up our recipes that they may or may not help with, but you are the only one who's actually in charge of your recipe because no one can change your recipe. If you come home every day, you say, I hate life, I hate work, I hate this, I hate that, That's your recipe. No matter how many things I point out to you, like the fact you just took a breath and all of that gas exchange is a pure miracle that happened within your lungs, and the fact that your little heart is beating, thump, thump, thump, and all of those amazing things that happen just for you sitting there, and you're like, nope, life sucks, I can't change any of that. If I tell you all you gotta do, take a deep breath Unless I'm jumping on your chest, I can't make you take a deep breath. So, um, let's see. Jamie, our recipes are like a three-legged stool. They are your equipment, ingredients, your process. Without all three, the stool just flops. Correct. And for those of you who don't, tripods are actually the best thing that can be most stable most of the time. One of the other stool analogies that I use for this is that we have a tabletop and then the legs that are holding up the tabletop. This is very hard to show, but, um, the idea is that our tabletop is our belief, and what we will do is we will build legs underneath the tabletop so that we hold whatever our belief system is. So if we believe we are not worthy of stuff We will give ourselves example after example after example, and we will have a very solid table because it's got lots of legs holding it up. And it's very hard for anyone to come to you and say, oh no, you're an amazing person. Oh, you're totally awesome. I love you. You are the best thing that— you are just a miracle in and of itself. But because you got that tabletop with so many things you built underneath it, that's your recipe. That is your belief system with all the supporting legs underneath it. Because I know when I was struggling with suicide as a teen, people would tell me all the time, "Oh Brooke, you're so great. Oh, you're the all-American girl." While I was crumbling and crashing inside. And it didn't matter what somebody else said. And this is where we end up with survivor's guilt and all sorts of other things that we don't have full control over. But, um, we can be the light for people to see. We can reach out and put our hands out there and say, my hand is here for you to grab, and I'd love to help you if you'd like to take it. But we can't make anybody actually hold our hand. And it's very easy to have a pity party. It's very easy to put too much salt in that chocolate cake and make it not turn out the way. I believe that's called self-sabotage. Um, I know that one from time to time. Um, let's see, wait a second. What's that? I'm trying— I'm like, I went back to actually watching. What does this say? Her chain started just after you started shooting ski at school. Must have been the 12-gauge. Yeah. Oh, her change. Sorry, I'm like, I'm— I know it says chain, but I think you meant change. Um, I tell my students all the time actually how zen the act of shooting is. Because guns have the ability to be so very deadly and dangerous, when you're handling a gun, my hope is that that is your meditation, because it gives you that opportunity to pay attention to the one thing that is in your hands and nothing else matters. I actually know a lot of parents who use shooting as a focus point for their ADHD kids, and, um, it's worked out well for a lot of them. Uh, and then Viejo with, uh, there's another three-legged stool: firearms, ammo, and shooter. All three must interact properly for the stool to stand firm. Yes. And, uh, we talked a lot about learning today in general. Um, oh, what do I want to say? Just general practices. Back to the learning stuff. The known versus the unknown. And it's very easy for us to ignore our general everyday life, right? The things that we just do on autopilot, basically. But when you start thinking about and realizing you have the opportunity to maybe change that recipe that you have, if it is not giving you the outcome that you're hoping for, um, And sort of like shooting, right, Walter? And it's like, people keep asking, what's your favorite firearm? I'm like, I don't have one. Like, well, what do you carry the most? I'm like, depends what I'm wearing. And I think I drive people nuts, but it's just there is no perfect solution. No matter how great your cake actually is, um, you could probably always make it better, right? And That is sort of the joy to me of shooting as well, is like you're brand, brand new and you've just gotten comfortable loading and unloading a gun. That was one of my biggest things. I was so excited about that. That was like my first, oh, I can do this, and I wasn't quite as afraid. And then I learned how to not only load and unload my gun, but now I could know which gun went with which ammo. And that was another one of my, oh my goodness, moments. And it just gets better and better and better because there's always more you can learn. So my goal is that we all start paying attention to our recipes, uh, continue to do your best to make the best chocolate cake that you can, and for this, the ones that need a little bit tweaking, be aware of it so you can start tweaking it. All right, so Mr. DJ Any parting words? Are you busy eating that chocolate cake that you had? Oh no, he may have disappeared on me. I don't know. Um, he doesn't look like he's muted, but I don't know, maybe I messed up. Anywho— oh, there he is! I'm like, I'm getting ready to poke on you.

Right on. No, I think I'll be working on that cake sometime here soon.

Okay, all right. So, um, what, what do you, what do you resonate with? Yeah, they're very nice. Go look in the, the notes of who all is here. All right, so what's one of your favorite recipes for something that you actually do, or want something you might actually notice?

My wind-down routine I'm really fond of. The soda should be cold, um, the cigarette needs to go all the way to the end, and on the next exhalation, I take in a deep one, I finish the soda, and that kind of gets me set for that. I wish I had something more reliable in the morning. It's roughly— it's kind of the same thing except in reverse.

Okay, so warm soda? No, not warm soda.

The absolute coldest that I can get it.

Yeah, because I'm like, no, not, not fully reverse. But no, I followed my bad Uh, it's all right. No, no, I'm just like, nobody wants warm soda, I don't think. But, um, that was absolutely hysterical that you happen to have chocolate cake on hand. You'll have to tell Mom what a great prop she made for Saturday night.

No doubt she'll love that.

Okay, very cool. All right, sir, well, that's all I got for tonight. Um, you want to do your thing?

And yeah, absolutely, right on. So I want everybody to think about bringing a friend again next week. Thank you for coming out tonight. Until we see everybody else again, we've been joined tonight by Gun Websites, Starryfan93, Crabby Turtle, JH586, hey Jamie, Jorge Diaz was out there, so was Gizzard Gary, Hillbilly Up was out there, Patriot in the Dark, Abigail Sorcha Finnegan, G23 Viejo, Chris Broncato, Chasing Ghost, and maybe consider putting some new ingredients into one of your recipes. Be safe, have fun, take care of yourself and your crew, and rock! We're out.