Mental Health Matters - Special Addition with HillyBilly Up

Hey everyone, welcome to Mental Health Matters. It is Saturday night. Well, if you're not watching the replay, it's Saturday night when you're watching this for the first time. So anyway, uh, hi for those of you if it's your first time here. My name is Brooke Cheney. I'm the owner instructor here at A Great Start Shooting School. I've been coming online every Saturday night, or at least most of them, since 2018 talking about suicide prevention because as a gun owner. 2 out of every 3 gun deaths you hear about are suicides. And if we're really looking to save lives, we need to talk about mental health. Now, here's the cool thing about that. When we start talking about mental health, not only can we save or help save or throw someone a rope who needs help for those who happen to own firearms and commit suicide, but also those who do it in other ways. Funny thing, we've got additional help in that all the stuff that we do for mental health that improves mental health actually flows over into violence prevention as well. So there's lots of reasons that mental health matters, and tonight we're going to talk about how suicide affects all of us. Some of it, it affects directly. The guest, special guest I have for you tonight has been affected multiple times with friends that he knows. And all of us know someone, either we know someone who committed suicide, my grandmother did, for example, we know someone who's attempted suicide, that would be my dad, and we've been to someone's funeral, chances are, that committed suicide as well. So tonight we are going to talk about the impact of suicide on ourselves, how we can help others, and a little bit more like that. So would you like to know who I've got sitting in my back room? Well, it is none other than the American Hillbilly.

Hi everybody, it's American Hillbilly. Good to be here, Brooke, and So excited. And I mean, I'm just, uh, very thankful to be here with you and everyone. And let's talk about some mental health here because I know I, I got plenty of it.

It is something we can all use. Uh, it's like mental health is the thing. It's like, it's what keeps us going, or it's what holds us back. It is what makes our life fulfilling or makes our life feel like such a grind is the better mental health that we have, the more we can deal with things that suck because there's plenty of things in life that suck. It's not like we've got roses and rainbows everywhere. However, this was your idea, so thank you for coming on and giving me a subject to talk about. But as I said in our intro, All of us have been touched by suicide in one way or another. Because I've been doing this for so long, I've heard lots of stories and it can be very, very hard. I think one of my most disturbing ones was a veteran suicide where a veteran took a gallon of gas and poured it over himself and lit himself on fire. That is some really hard hate for yourself, I'm thinking. So, um, one of the things that Hillbilly had brought up to me was that his friends— we, we were on pre-chatting here a little bit— he has 7 friends he knows personally that have died by suicide. Yeah, and they're all guys. And so we started looking it up. Men are 4 times as likely to commit suicide and be successful as women. And on the flip side of that, us fairer sex here, we attempt it more often. Men are more determined. So the scales are not really balanced, but it is— it's— I'm trying to make light of it in that It is what it is.

Let's face it, women do make better choices than men do. There's no doubt.

And we are more drama. We are absolutely more drama. Men are just like, yeah, dude, whatever. I'm not going to deal with, you know, I'm not going to bug you with my stuff. I'll go take care of it myself. Women, on the other hand, we are that social creature. We must have everyone around us and make sure everyone knows what's going on right now with everyone. So if you've never seen it, oh my gosh, there is this amazing clip called Men's Brains, Women's Brains. And it's this guy who is a marriage counselor, but he's also a comedian kind of thing. And up on stage, he's literally got a little mannequin head of a man and a little mannequin head of a woman. And he talks about the differences. Absolutely hysterical. After I saw it, it really did make an improvement in my marriage because He talks about how you men have the nothing box.

Yeah, that's why—

go ahead.

That's why two guys go out on a boat and go fishing for several hours and not say anything to each other other than, you get a bite yet? You know, every now and then. I mean, you know, they can just sit there, relax, think of hardly nothing. And yeah, and I don't know if that, uh, fishing trip would be the same with two women as it would be with two men.

No, we would've solved the problems of the world and properly and feed everyone. Yes. No. And in the skit, he actually does talk about going fishing. He's like, this is the nothing box that men have is the reason they can just sit there and do the same thing over and over again. And Prior to seeing this skit, when my husband would tell me that he was thinking about nothing, I'm like, I don't understand. What? That's not possible.

I can literally nothing. Yeah. So yeah, we're not very complicated.

No, no. And I love y'all for that. I do. I am jealous of the nothing box without a doubt. Maybe if I think of it, I'll put the link in the description for this when we get this up and running. So, um, yeah, so Hillbilly reached out to me a couple weeks ago, or, um, just to want to talk about this because having been personally affected so much— I mean, 7 is a large number, man. And, and over how much time was that? I mean, I know you're not a spring chicken, but you're not that old either.

Yeah, I would say, man, that was probably in a period of like 10 years. So, you know, 7 different friends in a period of like a 10, you know, 11-year stretch is a lot. And, um, it's way too many funerals to have to visit, uh, for young people. And we're talking these people were in the age range of maybe early 20s to mid, you know, 30s, maybe a little past the 30s. Um, and, um, one statistic that I did look up, um, with the ones that you're talking about there between men and women was that, um, the men that, um, are divorced, there's a 9— 9 times more likely with the divorced, uh, person with kids to commit suicide. And so each one of these, uh, men that I knew that were friends of mine, um, they were— they were different backgrounds and everything. There was two of them that actually owned their own business, uh, successful, um, and, you know, a few of different races of people, um, so like it wasn't just all, you know, classified like, hey, you know, it's just hillbillies here in the Ozark Mountains. Uh, it was people that moved into here, uh, you know, in different backgrounds and stuff like that. But one thing that they all had in common was they were married and they had kids and they were divorced. And that was the one thing that really shocked me, um, in that, you know, situation. Was that was the 3 things that they all had in common.

Yeah, and it's like we were talking offline, but it's just back in the '70s my dad got— well, yeah, late '70s my dad got divorced, and my stepmom took him through the wringer for sure. And divorce is one of those things where it's just like It's hard. It's super, super hard. And it takes two to tango. And the worst thing that I think that I see in divorce is how horrible the adults are in the relationship regarding the children, because I was very blessed because my mom and dad got divorced when I was 3 and my mom and dad became best friends. Once they got divorced. They just couldn't live being married. Yeah. Uh, but then when my brother's mom came along, when they got divorced, my mom, my dad, and my stepmom became horrible people and really tried to hurt each other without realizing, A, they're hurting each other, but more importantly, they're hurting me and my brother by this pulling apart of 'Well, you want to stay, spend time with me? No, you can't go with me.' And it's like, unless the person is abusive, I don't understand why every divorce wouldn't just be joint custody. Like, if there's an alcoholic or a drug addict or something along those lines, I get it. But it's just, it's our society lets people pull each other apart. And, you know, there's always two sides. Well, no, there there's three sides to every story. There's what's happened, there's what you think happened, and there's what I think happened, and the truth.

Yeah.

So it's like, and yeah, divorce is brutal, or it can be brutal. It can be okay.

But well, when I, when I sit back and think about this in my situation of losing these seven friends, um, statistics, you know, now that I look back at it, were stacked very high against me. Because I also was divorced. Um, I think—

hope—

I think one thing that hopefully took me out of those statistics of what happened to some of my friends was I was fortunate enough to have custody of my 3 daughters. And yeah, 3 daughters. And yeah, they were at a young age, um, I believe 3, 6, and or 3, 7, and 8. And, um, anyway, so, um, that, as anybody knows, that kept my mind constantly busy, you know. Um, it, it's tough for every single parent.

Us girls are a handful. One is enough. Three, single dad, that's pretty rough right there. But well, I mean, and this is just it, is None of us know what's going to push somebody else over the edge. Like you were saying, like some of your friends, they had successful businesses, they seemed like they had their stuff all together. No one knew that anything was going to happen to them. And then poof, one day they're done. Yeah. And I have to say, I think this is the most common question that I get is, how do I know? How can I tell? And the answer is you can't. But watching a show like this, Understanding what the stats are, when you have a male friend who got divorced, lost their kids, maybe you check in on them a little bit more often. Maybe you ask them how they're doing. Maybe you hang out with them a little bit more when they're going through all of that. Back to the men having the nothing boxes, men are not as likely to reach out. It's like, back to stats, it's like women are I forget what the stat was exactly, but women are much more likely to be diagnosed with depression because we'll actually go talk about it, but more men actually commit suicide. So it's one of those things where there is no answer. There are some people that have tells, like, you know, like Hillbilly, you were saying one of your friends did tell his ex-wife. A couple times he was planning on doing it, but she didn't think he was actually going to do it, right?

Yeah, yeah. Um, she— because he had said this a few times after they were divorced, um, you know, maybe the first time she's really worried and it didn't happen. So then the second time and maybe the third time, she's, you know, she probably thought, well, you know, you're just saying this, you know, to worry me or stress me out, you know, it's not going to happen. But you know, it did. I mean, you know, and that's, that's a bad thing. You know, he was, um, in his truck out in the middle of the woods by himself with a bottle of whiskey, and you know, nobody knew it at the time. And so I think a lot of it is men feel, um feel like they're supposed to be, you know, a little tougher, not share, you know, those type of situations. Just like, hey man, you know, I'm, I'm, uh, I'm kind of depressed, feeling down, you know, I'm gonna call Bill and Joe or whatever, you know. Um, but they choose not to do that because they feel maybe like it's a sign of weakness, you know, or something like that on their part. And, um, another thing, um, is I do believe that sometimes, uh, men, especially if they have firearms— it don't matter if it's just one for hunting or one for self-defense in their home— uh, they feel like, okay, if I reach out to someone then and I actually talk about what's going on in my heart, what's going on in my mind, then I might get thrown in jail. I might not be able to see my kids because I would be a risk, you know. And so I think they feel like they don't have anywhere to turn to, right?

And this is definitely one of those things where— I'm gonna throw this up on the screen real quick. Um, this is where like Walk the Talk America comes in. This is where We're trying to get better about having resources specifically for Second Amendment folks who want to have their mental health taken care of with responsible firearm ownership. Because one of the things, if you're in the Second Amendment community, uh, one of the things we talk about often is our red flag laws, and a lot of people don't understand what it is. And red flag laws are sort of shown up as, oh look, we're going to save lives with this, when in actuality what it does is what Hillbilly just said, which is actually makes it so gun owners don't want to talk about gun ownership and their mental health because they're going to lose stuff. So let's say you happen to be a gun owner and you need some help. Well, If you go to wtt.org and up here it actually says walkthetalkamerica.org and I'll make this a little bit bigger here if we can. Over here in the corner, that big green button here, when you click on free screenings, they have free screenings that are free and anonymous. Anonymous. So let's say you're dealing with some depression. Maybe you've got some ADHD or anxiety, or you're curious whether you've got PTSD or any of these things. You don't have to go into an office. You can just get a free anonymous test right here. And let's, let's go. So when you go into depression test, you answer the questions, and when you get to the end of the questions, you then get your results. When you get your results, the other thing that's great about this is it then also gives you resources. So, um, on this podcast we always talk about resources like 988 and 211 and that sort of thing, but here it gives you specific resources based on which test you actually took. So That is something that can help you as far as that goes. Red flag laws, again, well-intentioned people wanting to help people survive through depression. But the problem with our red flag laws is that if I say I'm depressed, the red flag law comes and takes my guns away. Well, I can tell you I have a different plan because I'm a girl, but The challenge with the red flag laws is what it should be is if I'm depressed and I'm suicidal, they need to come take me. They need to come and help me get the help that I need. Taking guns out of my house when you still leave the gasoline, like I told you the story at the beginning, where I still have knives, where I still have medicines in my cabinet, all sorts of ways. You know how when we're taught how to clean, you make sure you never mix bleach and ammonia. They don't come take the bleach and ammonia out of our homes. So these are the problems with stuff like the red flag laws is A, stops us gun owners in general from talking about mental health, but B, it doesn't actually save any lives because the person who's suicidal is who needs help, not a gun taken away. Now, do people want to store their guns safely? Of course. Do people want to get guns out of their home if they're having a hard time? Absolutely. And that's where somewhere like Hold My Guns comes in, or certain stores across America will just hold your guns for you because we do talk about veterans a lot as well. So, Mr. Hillbilly, come back on. Come back on. I'm like, he's muted though. Because, you know, for those of you who have never watched Hillbilly's thing, uh, because he— his comes on at the top of the hour after this show, um, we call it a hillbilly when you come on screen and you're still muted.

Still muted. Yeah, yeah, I started selling my shows out muted before, no doubt about that.

But so, I mean, does that help as far as like what to do? It's like at least Walk the Talk America is a thing. Uh, the laws vary by state. They can even vary by county, what a counselor would do if you call them, whether you call the 988 number or the 211 number. They may or may not know whether or not you have guns in your home. You may not volunteer that information. But again, this is where stuff like the red flag laws make it super hard for gun owners to want to talk about it. And then on our federal forms, it talks when you buy a gun, for those of you not used to it, it asks, have you ever been in a mental institution? And if you click yes, you can't get a gun. And that's also wrong because I was in a mental institution when I was a teenager. I'm not that person anymore. So it's like there's a ton of ways that we need to change stuff so gun owners, male or female, are allowed to go get help without fear of repercussions. Because you guys have that nothing box So, you know, you're already ahead of us anyway. And maybe that's why you can hold back and not talk about it, because men are way better at doing that compartmentalizing and just, okay, I feel like garbage. I'm gonna stay out of my garbage box right now. I'm gonna go to my nothing box. But the garbage box still gets too full.

So yeah, no doubt about that. And earlier, Before we started, I think you had some statistics, um, that was even from all over the world. So people that don't even have firearms available to them.

Yep. Uh, in 2021, over 38,000 men died by suicide in the United States. Highest number and rate. Oh, it is actually— sorry, it was United States, it wasn't the world. But, um, So yeah, it just had a world map next to it. That was why we were thinking it was the world. But I did the math real quick, and that is 104 men a day are dying by suicide. Now, uh, for those of us in the community, we tend to know there's— the average number is 22 veterans a day die. Now, to be fair, it's not all women— or sorry, it's not all men. There are women veterans that die every day, but I'm gonna assume for the purpose of this conversation. So that's like, if, if, if all the 22 vets were male, that means 82 random people die every single day from suicide, men. So it is just, and women are definitely the ones who are diagnosed with depression, were diagnosed with postpartum. Where, you know, we have the ability to talk and get diagnosed and get help. Whereas men go to their nothing boxes and then compartmentalize, and then they just take care of it. And don't get me wrong, I love my husband to pieces, but I also love him because he's not like me. And he does just do the things that he wants to get done., and there doesn't have to be discussion about it, and it's just done. So it's like men versus women, you know, there's advantages to this and disadvantages to this. So it's like, because women want to go blah blah blah blah blah, and men are just like, this sucks, I'm gonna take care of it, and they take care of it. Yeah, you lose people because you men are the men. So Hillbilly, as a man, What are some of the things— I know that you think that because you got your girls is one of the reasons why you did not end up being a divorced man who committed suicide. What else do you think helped you? Or do you think the kids were like the key and nothing else would've mattered?

No, I, I think the kids were a, a big part of that. But also, um, I'm very fortunate to have a lot of close family and friends. And then, you know, my, um, relationship with the Lord and church and stuff like that, um, that, that gave me a lot more, um outlets to, you know, basically visit with people. And, you know, um, I think that, uh, if we can reach out to friends, but also I do know, um, friends from church or certain little— sometimes there's men groups that churches have, you know. And, um, I know, uh, we had one that was just a campfire deal. You know. And so like, you know, there's, you know, once a month we met that big campfire, sat around and visited, you know. It was, you know, um, outside of the church building, you know, and stuff like that.

And so light a fire in the, in the church?

I'm surprised. Yeah. And so, uh, you know, sometimes there's places that you can, uh, insert yourself, be involved and kind of get your mind off of, uh, you know, yourself and what's going on with you. But then also you can talk about, um, things like that. And you might even just be in a group like that, not say nothing, but somebody else will be saying something like, hey man, I'm going through this or that. And so it, it gives you a feeling that 'Okay, I'm not alone, you know, other people are going through problems, you know, too, that I'm going through.' And, you know, things like that. I think every little bit of, you know, nuggets of stuff like that really helps a person, and especially men, because, uh, most usually, you know, when guys are together, a lot of times it's, you know, talking about maybe a sports team or, you know, this and that, not so much, you know, emotions or feelings, you know. And so yeah, I think that that's a big part of it. And we do, you know, I know, and there's literally statistics out there from men, um, in general, um, to maybe what our parents or grandparents went through. As far as now, um, men are not always the, uh the person that brings in the most money to, you know, the home, you know, as far as support or this and that. And so I think for some reason, um, it makes, uh, some men have less self-worth, you know, on situations like that. And then that adds on to, uh, some of the depression and not feeling like, hey, you know, I'm worth something. And but that's wrong. I mean, every person is worth something because, you know, God don't make junk, that's for sure.

Yeah, well, I mean, and so here's the religion thing, right, is that it's definitely, as far as mental health goes, it has been proven. And I actually talked about it like 2 weeks ago or so, and it was like, um, people who have faith are happier and more content than people who don't have any faith. Now, that being said, we talked earlier about your friend who did death by cop because of their faith, because they didn't want to go straight to hell, because their belief system was suicide was a mortal sin and therefore they couldn't do it, but they didn't want to live anymore. Yeah. And And so when we're talking about suicide by cop, it's just like, okay, now we've taken our burden and then put it on someone else. Yeah.

And that's a terrible thing.

And it, it's one of those things where it's just like, okay, so now we've got survivor's guilt from the first person we're talking about when we're saying how that he did tell his ex that he was gonna do it, but she didn't believe it. So I'm willing to bet no matter who she is or how much she loved or didn't like him after the divorce, she's got some survivor's guilt because she didn't do anything. Then there's the people who— the other ones you're talking about where it's just like they're successful, nobody knew. And at that funeral, I'm willing to bet, because I've been doing enough of these, the people like, why didn't they reach out to me? I don't understand. It is just like survivor's guilt. That's what makes people ask those questions. And it's just like, here's the thing about suicide that maybe I don't talk about enough on my show is that if you're depressed, if you want to take your own life, understand the impact that you are leaving behind. We're talking about 7 people, 7 dads that Hillbilly knows, and all those kids don't understand how their dad could leave them. Yeah, all those friends, all those family don't understand. And like I said, I know it's hard because I was there. It's like, I understand thinking or believing that you are not worth the air you're breathing. You don't want to reach out to anybody because you don't want to be a burden. I mean, that's the other thing about— you're talking about self-worth for guys, and when you're suicidal, or at least when I was suicidal, and the people I've talked to, it's like you don't feel like you're worth anything. Doesn't have anything to do with whether you're making money or not. That's just one more thing. You can put like a check mark next to, but it's the most selfish thing anyone can do. And I don't berate people enough for it because I'm like, if you're feeling suicidal, yes, I'm going to say don't do it because whatever it is you're going through, there are people that you're going to impact by doing the things that you're doing.

Yeah, no doubt about that. And, um, like I said, you know, the one that's death by cop, um, those, you know, there, there was two police officers at the scene and at their house. And, you know, there's a pretty good chance that those police officers had family, had kids and all that. And that's something that they have to live with and also bring, you know, there's a good possibility they're gonna bring home with them, you know, their, you know, their, uh, feelings of guilt and stuff like that.

Yeah. And I mean, we're talking about divorced men cuz that happens to be your sample section of who you have, right? Yeah. The other group besides veterans that are at crazy high risk are our first responders, our EMTs, our police officers. Right? So it's just like back to what is that role as a police officer, as a dad, as a husband. You are a caretaker. You help people and that's what you do. And that is your job. And it's just like, because your job is to help and support your family, then back to the feeling of, well, I can't ask for help because I'm supposed to be taking care of them. So I'll give you a girl's advantage is that going to the women's church group, we do talk about other things, but the most important thing I think I've ever talked about in a women's health group, help group, is just in fellowship is like you have to fill your cup up first. Just like for those of you ever flown, they always say take the mask, put it on your face, then help the person next to you. And when we are caregivers, whether it's a mom, a dad, an EMT, a police, firefighter, any of these things, it's like you have to take care of you first. And somewhere in America, maybe it is the world, it's like if we're supposed to be strong and resilient and take care of others, well then obviously we can take care of ourselves. And how do we help people understand that Nope, everybody's got, uh, everyone's— everyone needs someone else to help them from time to time.

Yeah, and I believe one thing that might help, hopefully help somebody, is, um, when you're having problems and stuff and your mind, um, I think you, you could probably, uh, agree to this your mind's on yourself all— a lot, all the time. And by helping somebody, um, in any way possible, that gets your mind off yourself, off of the situation, and, uh, that gives you a mental break. And that helps heal. It honestly does.

Oh yeah, if you're feeling like garbage, go to the soup kitchen and volunteer a couple hours. It's, uh, or even clean out your basement or something and go give to Goodwill, because I believe 100% what you just said. Because I was thinking about that. I was sick with bronchitis a couple weeks ago, and I was feeling sorry for myself, I'm not gonna lie. But, um, I realized I was feeling alone and separated. And I just wanted to, I wanted to, I just was sad. And so I picked up the phone and I called people and none of my friends that I called knew that I was sad. They were happy to hear from me. I said, hey, I'm just checking in. Haven't seen you in a while. I just wanna let you know you're appreciated. And I really believe in that fake it till you make it thing where From time to time, the worse you feel, the more important it is for you to reach out. And this is the thing where people, like I said, when it's too late and we're already at the funeral of someone who committed suicide, it is, why didn't they reach out? I'm like, no, why didn't you reach out? When was the last time you asked them how they're doing? When did you check in on them? Now, the survivor's guilt sucks, but we can't stop everyone. Like Hillbilly was talking about, successful people had their own businesses, had their kids to live for, all of that, and no one saw any signs. The thing that I think about all the time is we've got the cheerleader, the football captain, the people that look like they have all their stuff together. So success does not equal happiness.. And yet in America, it seems as though we think that, well, if they've got all these things, then of course they're happy. Oh, well, they're well off and they've got money. I can tell you from going to private school, money does not make you happier. It just exaggerates what you already are. We're going to Tony Robbins next week. I'm all excited. But that was one of the things that Tony Robbins explained. He's like, here's the deal. You are who you are. If you have more money, happiness, joy, um, you'll have those things, right? But all it does is magnify who you already are. So in the Bible, there's the, the lady with two mites, which is like two pennies basically, right? Where it's like her gift was the greatest because she had to give up so much to make that offering, versus the rich men who had tons of money just would put gold in. And God's like, the two mites are more important than the piles of gold, because the piles of gold don't matter to you. So it's like, if you're a good person and you're poor and you won the lottery, you're still going to be even a more good person, a better good person. Grandma's rolling over in her grave on my grammar, but anyway.. But if you are a miserable, cranky cuss and you're poor and you get more money and you think more money is going to make you happier, nope, you're just going to be a crankier cuss when you are well endowed with resources. And the thing is, money does not make people happier. You're either happy or you are not. And it's just, yeah, decide to be happy now because you can, not because you need to wait for something.

Yeah, and I'd like to add something onto that because I remember a story, um, somebody saying, well, you know, money's the root to all evil.

And it's like, no, the love of money.

But go ahead. It's like so-and-so, it's like, well, you know, he hit the lottery. What'd he do? He went to Vegas, he bought a brand new, way expensive car, went to Vegas, blew all his money, you know, blah blah blah. And, uh, you know, just, uh, you know, really did not do the right stuff. Well, that was that person. He doesn't have the money to go do that before. He actually had the money to do it now, you know, and that was his choice. But then you can also take, um, finances and you can change people's life for the better all around you and everything. So, you know, um, having money is not a necessary, you know, bad evil thing. It's just what you decide to do with it. And that— or that's like where you're talking, the rollback in with that is it's your heart, the type of person you are.

And yeah, yeah, I mean, I've seen so much of it where it's just like, I can honestly tell you unending wealth is a curse upon some families. Yeah, I know people talk about trust fund babies and all that sort of stuff, and I'm just like, having— and then another thing, going back to the Bible, is like, idle hands are the devil's workshop. So it's like, if I don't have to go to work because I'm independently wealthy, I turn into a horrible human being. You and I need work. We need to do stuff to produce things and feel as though we're contributing. Like Hillbilly and I, why are we here? Well, hold on, let me make me bigger for a second. We are here so that we can make somebody's day better and we can give to our communities. We can talk about mental health matters. We can do something that may help someone along the line, get you thinking out of your own head. And it's one of those things where it's just like, I love what you said though, is that whole thing of the worse you feel right now, go help someone else. Get out of your own way and go help someone else. Because this is why if it bleeds, it leads. We like to know there's other people that are worse off than us. It is just part of our survival instinct. And when we're focusing on— because suicide is the most selfish thing anyone can do. I know I was very suicidal and I was very selfish for a good portion of my teen life. It was all about me and poor me and no one understands and all of this stuff. And I still— like Hillbilly was talking about, he's still alive because he got his girls.

Or at least that's one of the things.

Yeah, it's a possibility. Yeah, I think I'm still alive because even then I had that servant's heart to try to help take care of others. If I didn't have that, I probably would have done my plan. Now I will say I am sneakier than the dudes because I had a plan to make it look like an accident so nobody would know that I had taken myself out. And it's one of those things where only recently they've actually started acknowledging suicide by car, because now when police go to scenes where there's no skid marks, they're marking it as suicides. And that, that not to give away my plan, cuz it's not gonna come to it, but it was just like, but I did think about it as far as, yes, I knew I was being selfish, being suicidal, but I wasn't gonna let anyone know that I was suicidal. Like, that was my plan. I was like, I had a plan with the car and all that fun stuff. There was going to look like an accident. So if you're trying to be sneaky, don't do it.

Just go do something else. Yeah. And also, I'd like to add here, um, you know, I don't know how you what you were filling in, but, uh, I think with a lot of people, because I've dealt with anxiety, and, uh, when you— if you think, okay, I don't want to talk about this because I'm probably the only one dealing with this, I mean, nobody's going through what I'm going through, you know, I'm just— I'm, you know, I am the exception to all, you know, um that's probably not true. There's a pretty good chance. So when you do hear that other people are going through the same thing that you're going to— going through, um, it makes you not feel like so solitude and alone because you're like, oh, other people are actually going through what I'm going through and they're making it, they're surviving. So, you know, I want to be a survivor. I need to figure out, you know, what steps I need to take to, uh, get through this. And I believe that, uh, goes hand in hand with, uh, people that, um, are thinking about suicide, um, to know that, okay, there's other people out there, um, like for you, for instance, you know, you shared your story, and so other people might think, oh well, I'm not the only one that was thinking like that. But I see this person, they made it through, uh, they're living a normal life now, they're happy. And so I think talking about it really helps out a lot.

And I think I should address that too, though, is that, that stinking thinking that we can have It doesn't go away forever. It's like grief. When you've lost someone you love a ton, you're very sad in the beginning, and then you deal with it. But yet from time to time, it's like getting smacked in the back of the head with a 2x4. It shows up anyway. So it's like, yeah, I was suicidal as a teen, and I didn't know what to do about it, and I drank. I was a— I was an alcoholic teenager. Is what that turned into. Wow. Um, and other things that are not fit for a family show, um, because I just physically and mentally abused myself in many ways. And it's one of those things where I wouldn't undo my life in that bad things happened to me as a child, and yet good things happened to me as a child. Bad things happened to me as a teen, but good things happened to me as a teen. So my life was neither good nor bad. It was— if I told you one part of it, it sounds like a beautiful fairy tale. If I told the other part of it, it sounds like a horrible nightmare. And the reality of it is, that is all of our lives. None of us have the Leave It to Beaver life where dinner's on the table every night at 6, or maybe we do have that but we get beaten if we show up at 6:01. So it's like back to the, the thing of how some things appear like everything is perfect, but in actuality it's huge stress. Yeah. Um, and, and back to the divorce stuff, it's like when I was a kid, I remember being 8, 9 years old in my home, and I remember thinking, I wish my mom and dad loved me enough to have stayed married. And it's just like, so for if you're going through a divorce, think about your children. Think about what they're going through. I know you're going through pain and suffering because you're getting divorced and things aren't working out. Maybe you, you're the one who asked for the divorce. I don't know. But it's just like As children, we want to make our parents happy, and we don't understand— adults are supposed to have all their stuff together, and we're adults, right? We don't have all our stuff together. I warn my children this all the time, like, guys, it doesn't get better. We're not smarter. We've got different experiences, but— and it's just like, as life goes on, it's like, it's not all good, it's not all bad.. But when it's bad, we have to reach out. We have to figure stuff out and we are not alone. And I think that's the hardest part. And for guys, if you have a church group and you've got that men's group, join the men's group, go to the men's group. Women, I don't know. We got knitting circles everywhere. Matter of fact, my girlfriend Sarah Joy Albright just sent me my dumpster fire challenge coin. So I now have a dumpster fire challenge coin. All right. And around the edge it says, uh, the strongest steel is forged in the hottest dumpster fire, or something along those lines. Yeah, it's like we got to be able to laugh about it. But yeah, that reaching out and helping others is such a big part of getting out of your own way.

And it's hard, and not everyone's going to be successful. Well, I— we were talking earlier about, uh, the men, you know, just have a, you know, no-thinking box. So like, we literally could be driving down the road, you know, to work, from work, whatever the case might be, and not really be thinking about much of anything. And, uh, one thing I would suggest to people um, is, uh, when you have somebody, you know, maybe it's an old friend, maybe it's a friend that you're, uh, you know, talking to quite a bit, but if something pops, somebody pops in your head and, you know, it's like, huh, I wonder what so-and-so's done, or all of a sudden, you know, it's like, well, I may have talked to him, you know, this person, this, you know, man or lady last night, um, but all of a sudden, you know, it just pops in my head. It's like, well, maybe I should give them a call. Um, go ahead and do it because for one, more than likely they're gonna, you know, be happy. Uh, I'm always happy when my friends call me or whatever or send me an email or a text. But another thing is, is Some— I believe that sometimes the good Lord puts on your heart somebody that could use that conversation, you know. Um, just, you know, as far as guys, it might be talking about fishing or hunting or, you know, whatever. But I think that sometimes, uh, those, uh, people pop into our thoughts, and, um, we might just go on down the road and not think, oh yeah, well, you know, uh, no sense to respond on that. But, you know, urge people to go ahead and do that. For— I think there's a couple benefits for that because you're going to, um, be reaching out, hopefully talking to somebody, uh, maybe hopefully there's going to be some laughter involved.

Yeah, call someone who picks you up, not someone who brings you down.

Yeah, yeah. And, um, you know, and they might be going through a bad time. And that's one of the things that, you know, I chose, um, kind of for a logo for my channel is make somebody's day better. Because we all can put on a fake smile, we all can go about our day.

If it's people we see at the grocery market, or if we see Yeah, I'm like, it won't go into focus. I'm sorry, man.

All right, that's the best I could do. But yeah, or if, you know, we— it's somebody to work with and you don't know what they're going through. So just by, you know, give them a smile, um, saying hi, um, regardless of what you do, um, without spending a penny, you have opportunities all day, every day to make somebody's day better.

And, uh, girls have it easier than guys, without a doubt, because I can say to a girl, wow, those are really cool nails, or nice earrings, or something like that. You say that, you're in trouble, you're hitting on them.

So yes, we get to do it all the time. I like those pants, Jim, where'd you get them at? Yeah, I don't— I don't always go as good for guys. And did you get your hair done, Jim? Look, can I get the number of your mutation, you know.

Yeah, it's not going to stay. Well, sir, we are at 50 minutes. That means that your show is about to come on in about— not— well, 20 minutes, but whatever. Yeah, he never starts on time. I say at the top of the hour, but that's when the chat starts, not when he starts. Um, I did look it up, so it's called Men's Brains and Women's Brains with Mark Gungor or The Nothing Box. Go on YouTube, look this up. There's multiple editions. I highly suggest you at least do the 5-minute version, um, because A, if you are married and you didn't know about your man's nothing box and you're like I was, where I was like, you can't be thinking of nothing, it will make your marriage better. But I also think in general it'll make relationships better between men and women. Because we really are different creatures. Um, you know, there we have crossovers from time to time, but the reality of it is, is like, there's a reason why women do women things. There's a reason why guys do guys things. Don't get me wrong, I've been riding dirt bikes since I was a kid. There's not hard and fast, but when it comes to communication, this can be very helpful. Um, So with that, I'm looking at my notes because we read lots of notes before we got on here. So divorced men, you got any friends, family, just freshly divorced, lost their kids, take care of them. Uh, successful people, don't assume that they are happy. Uh, what else? I don't know. What else, hillbilly?

Those are like the top two. If somebody pops in your mind, uh, just reach out to them and visit with them for, you know, even if it's just a few minutes. And don't ever think that whatever you're going through right now in your life, that nobody else has ever gone through it. Um, there's been somebody that's gone through it, they survived. So keep that positivity and hope up Knowing that somebody else has gone through, um, what you're going through, um, and they've survived, they've made it, you know, they've got on with their life.

And help someone if you're feeling like garbage.

That would be the other one.

Make somebody's day better. There you go. All right, well, I think that about sums up all of our stuff for tonight. Uh, I don't know, got any, any, any, any final things? Thanks for sharing your time with me and getting this all set up to get this done and bringing me an idea. Then for those of you who are watching who've told me that you want to be on and I haven't called you, just call me again. It just means I lost your text or something.

So, um, but yeah. So no doubt. And thank you so much for having me on, and, uh, thank you for doing what you do on this program. Um, is very important. It's probably one of the most important things, uh, that goes on is helping people, um, to realize that there is help out there. There is, uh help, and it is available. It is free, and you're not the only one going through this.

You're never alone, even no matter how— I mean, I have been in a room full of people and I felt very lonely, and I understand that feeling. But the truth is, whatever you're going through, there's been someone there before. Uh, one of the Tony Robbins things is success leaves clues, and The good news is I was actually just talking to someone who tried to commit suicide 4 times last week. Now, she didn't try to commit 4 times last week. It was— I was talking to her last week, and through her life with her trauma, she'd attempted suicide 4 times. Wow. Yeah, I thanked her for being unsuccessful. Yeah, because she's adorable and sweet and kind, and it's just like, we need to keep light on. We need to find a way to help others when we're feeling like garbage, and that helps us more than we know. And that's why those of us who've had trauma do stuff like this, so we can help and reach out. And it really is the way. Um, every time I say it is the way, all I can think of is Star Wars. But all right, well, y'all have a lovely Saturday night.

Uh, go hop on Hillbilly's channel.

Yeah, hopefully we'll see you guys over there on Guns, Beer, and Therapy here in just a little bit. And, uh, yeah, Guns, Beer, and Therapy. If you haven't been there, just go on YouTube, look up Guns, Beer, and Therapy. You will find it and you will see the logo. Is it this still? Oh wait, hold on, I gotta go big now. Hold on, is this the, the logo?

Oh no, yeah, because that's got the gun on it. Yeah, so, all right. Yeah, if you type in Guns, Beer, and Therapy, it'll take you there.

It'll come up. And he's got a good time with and without masks depending on the day. So yeah, the Halloween— for those of you who want— if you're like, you're watching the replay of this one, go to Guns, Beer, and Therapy and then go look at the Halloween one because that was some good costumes, I thought. All right everybody, thank you so much for popping in. DJ, I am sure you're over there chatting in the, uh, stuff, and thank you for all your help always. And DJ's awesome. DJ is awesome. He helps out all the time. So all right everybody, good night.

See you later.

Have fun over here.