Mental Health Matters - What do we need?

Hello everybody. I feel like Mr. Rogers putting on my sneakers because I'm not quite ready, but DJ said, are you ready? And I said, yes. Was I really ready? No, apparently not. But tea, because I've been talking all day because, you know, I've been teaching all day. Hello everyone. Welcome to Mental Health Matters. Why are we here? Y'all know the answer, type it in the chat wherever the chat happens to be, because I really never know. On my screen I see it over, over there, but I'm pointing the opposite direction where it actually is. So why are we here? Mental health matters because 2 out of every 3 gun deaths you hear about are suicides. So of that roughly 30,000 people who die by firearm every year over the past decade or so, that's the rough average, 20,000 of those people are suicides. So if we really and truly want to help save lives, we must talk about mental health and suicide prevention. So for those of you brand new joining me for the first time, what do we do here on Mental Health Matters? Well, we talk about things that may or may not help you. Well, hopefully they do help you. Maybe you may or may not have heard of before. Maybe that would be better because, yeah, that was a horrible thing to say. Hopefully we're helpful. And give you ideas and ways to help yourself, because you must be helped before you can help others, and teach you stuff, give you resources. Oh, DJ, push the button that does the thing. Speaking of resources, down here on the ticker, if you're on a phone, this is really hard to read because it's itty-bitty tiny. If you're on a regular screen, you should be able to read the thing. Although I don't know, that didn't happen as quick as I expected. So now, dun dun dun, I pushed my own buttons. Go figure. Usually only family can do that, right? All right, so then you text the word "talk" to 741741 because some people just like to text. People don't actually want to talk. 911 is what you call for emergencies. 988 is what you call for mental health resources. Uh, 2000-something, 20-something, uh, 988 became our new— became our new national resource for mental health, uh, assistance. Wow, words are hard tonight. Um, I feel like words are hard a lot lately. All right, so welcome for those of you who are brand new. Thanks for popping in. Those of you who are long-time listeners and viewers and all of that good stuff, welcome back. As always, it's always good to see see you. I'm pretty sure I saw Viejo out there. That was like half an hour ago though, because he came in super early. And then my pink hand waving, uh, Crabby Turtle. And for those of you who are new to the show, the reason I say pink hand waving is because when I started doing the StreamYard stuff, so it shows up here on Facebook and YouTube and LinkedIn and all of that, it didn't show me the little icons. It didn't dot dot pink hand waving, and I'd never seen the pink hand waving before. So that's how come he gets called that. Okay, so I have another presentation for you guys. Last week, no, 2 weeks ago, we talked about how to sort of organize our lives a little bit. And we talked about the priorities of quadrants. And we had 4 quadrants. We have urgent, we have important, we have not urgent, and we have not important. And we put those in a little square. And if you want to see that, go ahead back 2 weeks on this show and you'll get to understand what we're talking about, the urgent and important, urgent not important, someone else's phone call or problems, um, or someone else's lack of planning. I'm sure none of us know what we're talking about there. And then important things that are not urgent and things that are not important and not urgent, like, I don't know, binge watching Netflix. But for some of us, it is important even if it's not urgent. All right, so what is next? Well, I came across this thing And let's see if I can get it to pull up. So one of the new things I have for you guys is the vision. Like every week, my goal is to give you something to think on. It might help you look at something differently, something to help focus on the good in the world, and something to help feed your brain. So tonight's topic is, what do we need? All right, so I'm not looking at the comments right now, just so y'all know. However, what do you need? What do we need, right? In general, I expect silly answers from some of y'all, like more ammo, more guns, more food, more money, more cars, more knitting needles depending on who you are, because I have those friends. Oh, crafty, if Amy's watching. Um, more names for my guns if Fiona is watching. So what do we need? Well, for those who don't know, there's this guy Maslow, and I guess he's a psychologist because I don't know a lot of things, but he came up with Maslow's hierarchy of needs. And what this is, is what you and I need is— or what he did is he took out all of the things you and I need to survive, what makes us thrive, right? So we start at the base of our biological needs. And it's like a little staircase. Now usually when you see it, it's in a, um, a pyramid, like the food pyramid, all of that, you know, there's a base and as we get higher up it is less and less of how things occur. I put it together like a staircase because here is my thought on this, and you know, let me know if you think this makes sense. Uh, at the base we have what do you need to stay alive, biological resources, right? Food, water, shelter. And once we have those things met and taken care of, then we can move on to the next step of what do I need to stay safe? What kind of resources do I have? That sort of thing. And once you have— you're staying alive biologically, you are starting to create connection, that sort of stuff. Then esteem, respect, and self-actualization. Each one of those, just like in the pyramid, right, gets a little bit less, a little bit less, a little bit less. Because our first job, what do we need? We need to stay alive, right? Um, I need my water and I need my tea so I can keep talking to you guys tonight because my throat's pretty wrecked. And once we have food and water, then we need shelter, especially those of us here in New England, because, you know, it's October, soon it will be November, and then it'll be cold and snow and all of those things. Physiological is taken care of. Now I can focus on the next thing of safety. Uh, when we're talking about this, and I'll go back to the thing, I'll try to go back to the thing because it's not where I think it is necessarily. Um, think about our quadrants that we talked about 2 weeks ago— urgent and important. That first step of breathing, food, water, shelter, clothing, sleep— those things that keep us alive. Um, this is where I give you these zombie movies. Think of any survival movie you've ever seen— shipwrecks, plane crashes, Space Odyssey— what did they start with? The first two levels of Maslow's needs. This is why urgent and important can change. So if we just landed on a spaceship or, you know, on a planet somewhere, what do you need to stay alive, right? That is the basis of every good zombie movie or any kind of shipwreck movie. Then what are your resources? Are there animals that are out there trying to kill you? That sort of thing. That is why urgent and important can change based on where are you in these steps. So breathing, food, water, shelter, clothing, and then safety beyond shelter—physical, financial, social, right? We all have some need for this, so urgent and important changes based on where are we in this step system of do we have food and water, do we have shelter, do we have certainty, right? Um, economic resources. So think about long ago and far away, since we're coming up on Thanksgiving soon. What did we learn about the Indians, right? Native Americans? It's that You bartered, right? You have something, they have something, we trade for something. Your commerce, whether it's your paycheck or whether it's a skill set or whatever it might be. Employment, social welfare, law and order, freedom from fear, social stability, property, health and well-being. So all of our energy goes first to making sure we can stay alive, right? Staying alive is good. Then we get secure as far as we have resources. Once those are set, now we can take our next step and go off to love and connection, social connection, friendship, family, and romantic connection. Ready? So now we're on our third step. This is all important, but it's not urgent because we're not trying to stay alive. We are alive, we are fed, we have Safety. Once those things are, um, taken care of, now we can work on the love and connection of things. So when things aren't quite right, when things aren't feeling wonderful, the reason I'm sharing you the steps of where are you is because if your base, your first two steps, aren't really solid, then it's really hard to make that loving connection with others because you're worried about staying alive, uncertainty in your life, do you have resources, all of that. So understanding how our bodies work, how our minds work, as far as, okay, when do we take care of each one of these things, it helps to understand. Just like we talked about grief and the 7 stages of grief, and people will talk about it and they'll just say, here's the reality of that, not everyone goes through every one of those stages, and they sure as heck don't go through them necessarily in that order.. But if you understand that there's something out there that you can grasp onto, that you're not alone. Because when I was in counseling and going to group therapy, sort of the best part of it, and why programs like AA and Al-Anon and all of that work, is because it helps to know that you're not alone. And, huh, funny, it works in that love and connection thing, because that social connection is that group who is going through or has been through the thing you've already been through. Now, one of the things that I hadn't thought about until I created this for you guys is, ah, let's talk about those abusive relationships. That social connection, love and connection, is so strong it can override the need for safety, as witnessed in children and adults who cling to abusive parents or partners. I don't know. How many times I've had the conversation as a woman talking to other women about abusive situations and/or family members of people who have friends and family who are in abusive situations and like, why doesn't he just leave? Why don't they just leave him? Why doesn't she just leave him? Why doesn't he just leave her? Because yes, there are female abusers out there even though they don't get talked about a lot. So this is one of those things that's also helpful to understand. If you see someone who's in an abusive relationship and you can't understand why they're not leaving, there's lots of reasons, but love and connection can be that thing. Now, are there other things? Yes. Some of us have God complexes where we think, "Oh, my husband beats me on a regular basis. Well, you know, I can fix him. He will love me enough. I love him enough. We'll be fine." So we lie to ourselves. But why is that? Oh, because we need that love and connection and we're sure we have it with that person. So understanding how these things work is helpful. All right. Um, I am going to, uh, call DJ up momentarily to do the roll call because I've been going blah, blah, blah for about 15 minutes. However, I'm going to continue on to my next thing before I see him pop up now. And I wish these were in a little bit different order. So give me a second while I find my other screen. Okay. Ready? Quick review before we go on to the very top. So feed yourself, get comfortable, get confident, have that economic, um, safety, depending on how you look at it, love and belonging. And part of why people can stay in abusive relationships, granted not the only reason. But then the next thing is we're in a society and now we want to have esteem. Now let's see how Maslow explains it, right? The typical human desire to be accepted and valued by others, self and by others, right? So None of us just want to be like, "Ooh, I'm great." However, we do need to believe in ourselves, that we have self-worth, dignity, achievement, mastery, independence, right? Esteem for oneself. And then there's that desire for reputation or respect from others, status, recognition, prestige. We want to know that we are valuable. We then want to know that we are valuable according to others. I wish I could say I've never needed somebody else to build me up, but that would be a bald-faced lie, right? There are so many times when you guys out there, my regulars, right, will say good job, excellent, all that fun stuff, and it does help. Do I believe in myself most of the time? From time to time, depending on what part of my life we're talking about. Remember, part of the reason I started this many years ago is because as a teenager I was suicidal and I was pretty sure I was not really worth much, no matter how many people told me how amazing or pretty or smart or any of those things that I was. But we have to remember, you are number one, right? You— I'm pointing at you, but I'm pointing at me. It's like I have to believe in myself. Because all of you guys could tell me that I'm amazing, spectacular, wonderful, and as nice as it is to hear something like that, if I don't hear it and then I don't feel it, we're gonna kind of get stuck. And why do we want to talk about this? Well, because this is just one more step to get to basically what I'm calling the ultimate person that you want to be, right? Maslow calls it self-realization, the pursuit of realizing one's full potential through personal growth, creativity, or achieving meaningful goals, the desire to become everything one is capable of becoming. So some of the things— sorry, my mouse is in the wrong place— childbirth, sporting achievement, examination, success, difficulty to achieve and maintain consistently. So since I have so many of you out there who are shooters, you know that one perfect shot that was like, oh my gosh, I can tell you mine. Ready? Here's my story. I just had shoulder surgery. I'm shooting one-handed. A friend of mine brings me a gun to try because I might buy it from him. And so one-handed, I don't know, 20 feet or something, 15 feet. I don't remember what the distance was. What I remember was one-handed, I'm shooting, I pull the trigger, first bullet out of the gun goes in the down zero of the IDPA target. And I'm not saying in the down zero, I mean, there's a little number for those of you ever seen them that is an actual zero and the bullet went right through that. So as far as accomplishment goes, that was one of them. All right, for those of you out there in the chat, feel free to go ahead and tell me what your achievement was. All right. Well, I don't know what happened to DJ. He went quiet and I called him in and apparently he is not coming in. So yours truly is going to attempt— oh, wait, wait. Oh, see, now I got— I just got to— there you are now, D. What happened? Hey there, are you ready?

I am. I've just been hanging out chatting with the chat and having some ideas about Maslow and the application to my own life. So I've been making some, some notes for myself and something to say later about that. But tonight we are joined by, most recently, G23 is out there, so is Mario. Hey, Chris Broncato, the Atomic Punk, is with us tonight. So is Ron Wayne. Mark Thomas is out there, Jamie JH586 as well. Abigail Sorge Finnegan is in the room, so is Sariafan93, Hillbilly Up, Viejo2A, and Crabby Turtle was the first one in the room tonight. I like the crew, I like the crowd. We got more than a dozen people out there and almost all of them are in the chat and participating in that way. If you guys could just, uh, hit that thumbs up, double-check that your bell is set to all notifications, and maybe there's still time to share it out with a friend. Let them know.

That's your roll call. Awesome. All right, let's see. I'm going to go. So DJ has been kind enough to be starring some of these comments because I have not been. I've been looking at my thing. So VO says, oh wait, click the thing that does the thing. Hold please. All right. Amazes me that so many folks every day become so disenchanted with their own life and have no one to help find a way to a better viewpoint. Correct. Because guess what? As humans, number one, that big red step in the beginning is stay alive. And in order to stay alive for a very, very, very, very, very long time, it was don't get eaten by animals. And so we're wired to look for all the stuff that's wrong and bad and evil because that's the most likely thing to kill us. And so we are actually trained to survive by paying attention to everything that sucks, which is why we need to understand, wait, there's more. We can step to the next and the next and the next. Um, uh, Abigail talks about planning and ADHD are in constant struggle for power. So yes, now here's the thing, AD or attention deficit is everyone. I know that there are some people that have it way worse than others, like, you know, if Barbecue has come, he'll give me all my little squirrels because like, oh yeah, that, um, but we are always in that, that, that constant struggle. It's we make plans and then the plans change, and then we make plans and the plans change. And I don't know anyone whose life goes according to plan. I'm always amazed at my husband. Every morning he gets up His feet hit the floor, they bring him to the coffee maker, he gets his coffee every morning. It's like I get out of bed and I'm like, am I going to shower today? Am I not going to shower today? What am I wearing today? Am I wearing clothes today? I don't know what I'm doing. And I start the day not knowing what I'm doing. Um, so yeah, planning. I would love to be that planner that just does the same thing on a regular basis or make a plan and stuff actually occurs. Ron Wayne is out there. Hey buddy, it's been a minute. Failing to prepare is preparing to fail. Yes. Another thing that we say in the firearms industry is, well, and it's goal setting in general, right? If you aim at nothing, you are surely to hit it. So a little bit to Abigail's thing of planning and ADHD not helping is like, if you don't focus on anything that you want to attain, you're not going to attain anything. Magic doesn't just occur. You have to practice that stuff. Um, let's see. I think the list is right, but I don't believe everyone puts them in their same order, right? And that is kind of the idea. And the last one that we're actually looking at, which is self-actualization, pursuit of realizing one's full potential, is that what really occurs is that we are constantly going from one step to the other. And when we're having challenges, chances are one of these things isn't being met. So let's say you're super stressed and you're like, I can't even consider self-actualization or accomplishing that thing that I'm trying to achieve. Like, I don't know, let's say a great start to school. I wanna make a million dollars in a year, right? I don't think that's happening, but if I'm having a hard time with it, I might want to check and make sure that my base is solid. How is my health? How are my resources? Do I have connection? And I will say, thank you all, you lovely people that are out there in the chat and watching tonight. Um, you absolutely help me with the love and belonging and connection. Um, whether it's you guys coming here or me going to your channels, that sort of thing. And there's so many ways to have love and connection. Church is one of my favorite ways. Move somewhere new, go find, go find a church, and that's a great way to get some of that love and connection. Gun people, right? Go to a new range competition, learn a new competition, go meet people. There's lots and lots of ways, but Yeah, so to Viejo's point, sort of, um, DJ, did you want to say something? I didn't, or did I click on you?

I don't know, you clicked on me, but I do have something. Uh, actually it's to Ron and Viejo's points both. You know, fall is falling, it's finally here. Fall is the harbinger of winter, and it's time to prepare in a lot of ways. So those energies and those resources are being stretched out yet again. Their elasticity is being challenged. One's ability to be able to meet the challenges of the season, just of the day, can be sometimes overwhelming. So I guess I'm thinking about that because I want to encourage everybody to think about it. You know, fall is here. What should or shall we do to make sure that our winters are that much more safe or warm or well-stocked.

And yeah, that's what I had for that. Okay, all right. Um, yeah, so everything has its order and we're constantly in a circle. There, there is a reason why everything comes and goes, right? So to DJ's point, we're in fall. Fall is the harvest time. Fall is, uh, when we start thinning our, our crops, thinning our herd, because farmers right now know that they only have so much hay to get through the winter. So they have to make sure they only have enough cattle that they can feed, and the rest are going to go in the freezer. So as we head into fall, it's like, okay, everyone who's not going to make it through the winter has got to go somewhere else. So this is the culling of the herds so that there is meat to go through the winter to survive. Also to keep the herds that are going to make it because we have enough hay for them or feed for them, depending on what you do. Um, I haven't seen Pat in a bunker in a while. I could ask him that question. So, um, then we go into winter, and winter is cold. And winter's harsh and we're going to lose more. People do just die more in the wintertime because it is that time of death and dying. Now, this is why Christmas gets to be such a fun time, is because Christmas is about rebirth. And it's also shortly around thereafter the shortest day of the year. I forget what that's called. Abigail's out there. I know she'll know. And I mean, not that Abigail's the only one who will know. Um, but I just can't think of it. Uh, yeah, there's some— ah, Samhain. Yeah, there we go. But there's another name for the day that's the shortest day of the year because there's equinox, which we just had, where both days were even, same amount of light and same amount of dark. And then solstice, that is the winter solstice. That's how— see, eventually the brain works. Oh, there we go. We've got Yule. The winter solstice. And yeah, Saria Fan came up with that as well. So, oh my goodness, sorry. This is why I make the— I don't look like— I'm like, stop looking at the things, we'll never get done. All right, so Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Why does it help you with your mental health? Because when you are struggling you can pay attention to, oh, is everything met? Do I feel secure? Do I have connection? Can I now have time to do the thing that I want to do? So to tie this into 2 weeks ago when we talked about the urgent and important quadrants, urgent and important, those first 2 steps of food, water, shelter, safety. Not urgent, but also important, love and connection, esteem and personal growth. All of the things in Maslow's hierarchy are not urgent or urgent, but they are all important. When we get to not important, then it's distractions and busy work, but all of the things in Maslow's hierarchy are important. Some of them are urgent, like I said, when we're in the zombie movie, when we're having a shipwreck, we need to find food, water, shelter, and safety. Once those are, those are set, now that's where the rest of the story comes in. Where we have that love and connection, we build a society brand new from the beginning, and then we can grow and become better. So now you understand the plot line of every little movie or TV show that you've seen that's based on a shipwreck, a space odyssey, and why there's this common theme of how do we get through this. So I hope you all feel smarter now. That is my plan. All right, so how does this help us? I think I've already said it. I'll say it one last time though. If you're feeling stressed, check in to see if your basic needs are being met. Are your basic needs being met? Great. Decide what is missing and work on that. And like Viejo said, this is not a linear process. All of these things will come and go. There are times, just like the seasons of spring is rebirth, summer is growth, fall is harvesting, winter is death, and we go back around in circles and circles, just like the day, you know, morning, noon, afternoon, evening, night. So we keep going back and forth through all of these things. All right, and yeah, points of view when times get tough, right? This too shall pass. I know I saw Jamie out there, and I don't know where that is, but I'm pretty sure this too shall pass is one of my favorite things that I believe is in the Bible. I'm laughing because like part of me doesn't know for sure that it's in the Bible, but I'm going to say that is because that's where I think I heard it. This too shall pass. No matter how good things are, enjoy it because it's not going to last forever. And that's like that little tiny, the little tiny part, little smallest step on top is that perfect shot, that childbirth, that wedding. I mean, for me, oh, I love the memory of standing at the top of the aisle looking down because it was a ramp. Um, I'm not taller than my husband. Looking down at my husband waiting to get married, and I was just like, oh, my heart. I felt like the Grinch on Christmas because my heart just kept growing and growing and growing. Maybe not the best analogy for the wedding, but anyway, you all know what I mean, I think. So life is fun and exciting. The more you know, the more tools I give you, the more you can help yourself. If you can help yourself, then you can help people around you. And when you help people around you learn how to help themselves, then they can help more people, which is why, as we leave, DJ always says the same stuff. Make sure you invite someone, share all those good things. But I don't want to take the wind from his sails. I will let him say his thing. But understanding every kindness that you do, like Hillbilly says— oh, sorry, I got to move my thing. You know, and Hillbillies, uh, coming up the top of this hour, so a little less than half hour. It says 10 o'clock Eastern time, 9 o'clock, whatever the next one is. Um, make somebody's day better. And if you can make someone's day better, then they got a better opportunity to make somebody else's day better. All right, so DJ, uh, got anything else? I know we talked about the earrings, but anyway, go ahead.

They're the, uh The quote you're looking for, it isn't biblical, but there is in 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 that I think is pretty close. And it says, for our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. Since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. And so, you know, tapping into the spirituality portion of that, I, I don't have, um, a lot of things that I can think of right now in my life where I look to the unseen. But if you don't feel particularly religious and you just consider the future to be the unseen, that's the horizon line that I think we should keep our eyes leveled on. And so I like that verse. I did have to look it up, but that's not from memory. But I had something that was way more from memory that I wanted to share before we left today. And imagine this, it's a musical reference, and it's from David Bowie's first album as Ziggy Stardust. It was Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. The song's title Pardon, is, um, Rock and Roll Suicide. But there's, in the bridge, he goes in— it's a really long outro. The bridge goes into the outro, but one of the verses there in the bridge that I really enjoy is this, and he says, oh no, love, you're not alone. You're watching yourself, but you're too unfair. You got your head all tangled up, but if I could only make you care. Oh no, love, you're not alone. No matter what or who you've been, no matter when or where you've seen, all the knives seem to lacerate your brain. I've had my share. I'll help you with the pain. You're not alone. When I first listened to that, I was maybe 12 or 13 years old, and I felt it, and I'm feeling it 40 years later. So that's what I want to leave everybody with today. We were joined this evening by the Krabby Turtle. Viejo 2A, Hillbilly Up was out there, so was Sariafan93, Abigail Sorcha Finnegan was in the room, Jamie JH586, Mark Thomas, Ron Wayne, Chris Broncato the Atomic Punk, Mario and G23. Thanks everybody for coming out. I was glad to have a, a raucous crew out there tonight chatting away. Next week, bring a friend, and until we see each other again, be safe, have fun, Take care of yourself and your crew and rock! We're out.