In this live‑style Saturday night mental‑health check‑in, the host (Brooke Cheney) uses a visual “anger iceberg” she has on her wall to explore why people feel angry and what hidden emotions lie beneath the surface. She explains that anger is merely the tip of an iceberg, with underlying feelings such as fear, guilt, loneliness, shame, anxiety, grief, and many others. The talk weaves personal anecdotes (her son’s birthday, a whiny dog, a new puppy) with practical advice: pause, breathe, ask “what could this mean?” (a technique inspired by Tony Robbins), and recognize that we only control our own emotions. She gives concrete examples—repeated requests for a child to clean his room, mask‑related frustrations during the COVID‑19 stay‑at‑home period—to illustrate how accumulated stress fuels anger. The host also recommends external resources: YouTube videos on the anger iceberg, Dr. Seuss’s The Sneetches as a perspective‑shifting story, and the Serenity Prayer for discerning what can be changed versus accepted. Technical glitches trying to bring a guest (Gina) onto the stream are noted, but the core message remains: identify the deeper emotions beneath anger, use breathing and reflective questioning to calm oneself, and understand that managing one’s own emotional response can influence the surrounding environment.
Chapters
Ta-da! And it is live, and I have Facebook and the other thing, YouTube. There we go. All right, so anyway, it's Saturday and it's been a long weekend already. So yesterday was my son's 14th birthday. Would you stop? This is my dog, my incessant whiny dog. I had to explain to my daughter what neurotic means because— or yeah, I think that was the right word. Anyway, give me a sec. My dog has been very moody lately. It may just be because we have a new puppy, I really don't know, but he's been very whiny. Hi Sharon, I'm really telling you, you got to go set up that junk email account. It's just a lovely thing, and you can— like any survey you ever do, you just pop in your junk email, don't have to worry about it, don't have to unsubscribe. You just have an email account you can ignore all the time. I love it. So anyway, um, hi everyone. I have a plan for tonight. I was actually Thinking about this because I have this handy-dandy little anger iceberg on my wall, and it's to remind us, remind me, remind anyone who looks at it, that when someone is angry, which is the tip of the iceberg, that there's so much more under the water. And as the Titanic knows, it's what's under the water that will sink you, not what you get to see on top. So I've watched a couple different videos on YouTube. You can easily just go ahead and Google, go on YouTube, wherever, and do anger iceberg, and a lot of different options will come up. Pick the one that seems to work for you would be my suggestion. There's some that are focused towards kids, there are some that are focused towards adults, there are some that are focused towards, um, actual mental health providers. But since a lot of people have been talking about anger lately, because we've seen a lot of anger here on Facebook, not as much on YouTube, I don't think, but, um, so it's good to sort of step back and think about it. So why are people angry? Are you angry? I don't know. Am I angry? Oh yeah, sometimes, without a doubt. Hey, Mike. Um, And so why are we angry? Anger is just an emotion that is tied to a lot of other things that are under the water. And I'm going to use my little thing. Are you worried? Are you annoyed? Are you hurt? Are you sad, frustrated, offended, anxious, alone, unsure, guilt, grief, Disrespect, shame, insecurities, uncomfortable, helpless, regret, feeling trapped, feeling tricked, disappointed, pressured. These are just some of the hidden emotions that can be underneath the surface when it comes to anger. And sometimes we hop on that anger train and we're feeling mighty righteous about our anger because, you know, it's our anger, therefore we own it. And we're really holding on to that anger because we have reasons to be angry. And we forget to look at ourselves and try to figure out why we are anger. Hey, Gina, um, it says I can bring you on camera. You got anything to say? I'll throw you on here. It might not get you off. I don't know if I could do that or not. No, I'm just kidding. Let me know. I can apparently— I can hit a button. I haven't seen that thing before in a while that says you can add someone. So anyway, back to anger. Look and figure out what your anger is about. Or if you're worried about someone else's anger, try to step back and understand that chances are it is not you. Like, one of the things I try to work with my kids is that if I snap at them, it's generally not the thing they just did. And, uh, let's talk about room cleaning, for example. It's that I will ask my son to clean his room once on Sunday. I'll ask him again on Monday. I'll ask him again on Thursday. I'll ask him again on Saturday. And then by the following Sunday, I get a little cranky because I've done it a whole bunch of times. But it's not that one time that I asked him to do it. But as a child, that's totally what he feels is that I asked you once and you blew up. And she's like, no, there's all these other times that I asked you. And it did not. You did not do what I asked you to do. So why are people angry right now? People are angry. A lot of people are angry because they are scared. A lot of people are feeling guilty. A lot of people are feeling alone. All of this stay-at-home stuff, not healthy for the, you know, mentally unstable, because we need society. We need income. We need our jobs to feel productive. Disappointed, helpless, you know, you know all this stuff is going on around you. What can you actually do to make things better? So the idea is when you see anger, do what you can to not necessarily react to it. Maybe ask, what could this mean? That was definitely one of my favorite Tony Robbins things. Is if you're— he got really mad at one of his assistants who had always taken care of him, and he's like, I can't believe she let me down. I'll, you know, and so on and so forth. And then he's like, but wait, this person always comes through for me. There's got to be another reason. What could this mean? So, you know, one of the things I do because I learned that story is that or learn to ask that question, what could this mean, is that once when you're annoyed because someone is late, for example, if you're one of those people, you can be like, oh, what could this mean? Are they in a car accident? Did they get a flat tire? And all of a sudden you'll notice your anger drops down because your anger is the only anger you have control over. You can look at other mad people, angry people all over the place, But your emotions are the only ones you have control over. If you are calmer, often the people around you will be calmer. So this is the other reason why you want to focus on your ability to be calm. So when you're really mad or angry, do what you can to figure out what is really bugging you. Like, uh, Anger 101 right now on Facebook, or one of the most common things is, I'm angry because someone didn't wear a mask and was around me. It's like, well, what are you really angry at? Are you angry because they're defying something that you're being subservient to? Are you angry because you believe they're going to infect you? Or are you angry because you don't know what 6 feet is and it scares you because you don't know if they're far enough away from you and they don't have a mask on. It's like, why are you angry? And then on the other side of that is the people who are angry at people who are wearing masks. And I was like, what are you really angry about? Are you angry because they're wearing a mask? Because they have faith in the mask? Are you angry because they don't believe the same thing that you believe? Are you angry because um, you're— it makes you unsure that people are not doing the same things that you are doing. So those are just some examples of what's going on today. It's like an easy thing. So for those of you interested in a very quick reading assignment, I dare you— no, I suggest to you that you go and you look up the sneeches on beaches. By Dr. Seuss and read about the stars, because it's one of those books that's a children's book because it is a Dr. Seuss book, and it's The Sneetches on Peaches. I'm pretty sure that's the name of it. And it talks about how the Sneetches with stars are so much better than the Sneetches without stars. And then it sort of talks about how this dude comes and he makes it so that Sneetches can have stars put on their bellies. And then all the Sneetches had stars on their bellies. And well, you need to go read the book and then you will see what I'm talking about. But it is a very good way to change your perspective a little bit and look at what's actually happening. So anywho, anger, the anger ice cube, ice cube, there we go. Anger iceberg, there, yeah, go look up anger iceberg. When you find your getting upset or angry, take a step back, take that breath, and really think and check in and figure out what is going on. Because, um, hold on. Nope, that doesn't do it. All right. Um, check in on what's going on with you because your emotions are the only ones you have control over. And that is why I pop on here every Saturday night, or as many Saturday nights as I can, and give you ideas and things to think about. So that is tonight. I want to talk to everybody about the anger iceberg due to the fact that so many people are so angry about so many things right now. I figured it would be appropriate. If you have anger issues in general, I'm sure they're ramped up. If you're surprised by the fact that you are angry, remember there are other things underlying that are getting you cranky. And take that breath, take that minute, try to figure out what's really bugging you, see if there's anything you can do about it. And that's where the Serenity Prayer comes in, you know, God grant me the strength to change the things I can, the— I don't know, the something to, you know, accept the things I can't, and the knowledge to be able to discern one from the other. I'm paraphrasing because I know that's not it, but that's the idea behind it. So anywho, Miss Gina, if you— do you want to come on? Do you want to say anything from the West Coast? I could just like— I'm just gonna click on add. If you want to say anything, you can, and if you don't want to say anything, just say no and I will end. It will be over because I always forget there's like a 3 to 5 second lag, which when you're talking to someone feels like forever in a day. So anyway, that's it. Anger iceberg. Google it, look it up. There's YouTube videos on it. There's a whole bunch of different types of who's and what's its. Um, and so Gina, go ahead. So Gina, I sent you the invites. I know I got your text, so now you have to accept the invite as far as I know, because I will double check here. Hold on. Ready? Because, you know, Gina could be very interesting. Friends want to be able— I added you. Is it working? I don't know. Normally there's like a little thing that pops up. This is where that whole tech thing— wait, are you there? So confused. I see a little tiny Gina in my window. Sorry for getting all Blair Witchy, guys, but literally I tied my phone onto My monitor, it's like hanging there like a rock climber. All right. Honestly, I see you. I don't see you. Eh, I break it. I may have broke it. All right. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to hop off and then I will see if I can get Gina back on and, uh, I will continue because, or this will be the end. And I just always have technical issues when I try to add people. So there's that. All right, goodbye all. Sorry for the Blair Witchness on Facebook. Way more stable on YouTube. All right, good night. Gina, hold on, we will try to redo this. And it's YouTube, so because I can't bring Gina on YouTube with me because I don't have my software working, I am just going to end the video here. And if you're super interested, I will throw the link to my YouTube— no, my Facebook feed. There you go.
