Suicide Prevention Sat

Yes, just like that, poof, it's magic. Um, welcome to Suicide Prevention Saturday. Um, my name is Brooke Cheney, in case you don't know, it's over here. I am the owner instructor here at A Great Start Shooting School, and every Saturday night, well, most Saturday nights, most of the time, uh, at 9 PM Eastern, I do this show called Suicide Prevention Saturday. And why do we do this? Because 2 out of every 3 gun deaths you hear— oh, I gotta show you my fancy nails today. Um, 2 out of every 3 gun deaths you hear about from the CDC are actually suicides. So if people really wanted to help prevent gun deaths, we would actually be focusing on suicide prevention, mental health. And funny, in all of my research that I've done, the same things that help mental health and help prevent suicide are very, very similar to the things that also prevent violence in our communities. So mental health is the way to go if we're really trying to look for saving lives, which is what I think we all want. We all want to have happier, more productive lives. We want people around us to be happier. And that is kind of that. So with that, I actually finally got one of you guys to give me a suggestion for tonight. So I'd like to shout out to, uh, Mike Bellinger for giving me a suggestion for tonight. He is not on here yet, or if he is, he hasn't said anything yet. Because actually, unfortunately, on the Facebook side, I can't see it when they, they comment. But so it's about letting go and not beating yourself up endlessly and continuously. Pretty sure most of us are good at that. And it's one of those things that I have red Loctite your fingers. Yes, I've red Loctite my fingers. It's true. Sorry, this is what I get. I'm gonna, I'm gonna hide the, the comments now, DJ. So if there's stuff, you can star it because I will just constantly go squirrel. So anyway, I'm gonna do that part. So yes, but I do love my nails. It's the first time I've ever had fancy nails with like, it's candy cane stripes in case you don't know. So that's my excitement for today. All right, so back to letting go, back to beating ourselves up. Back to the stuff that we do up here to ourselves. Let me click that so I'm not drawing on my head. All right, I'm guilty of this 1000%. There are times when I have said something to someone and been like, after the fact, I'm like, "Oh, I don't think that sounded right," or, "Wow, they must really think I'm a jerk for saying whatever it was that I said." and it'll go around and around and around in my head. And then a week or two later, it's still running around in my head, and I see them, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I just want to let you know I'm terribly sorry for saying blah blah blah. And they look at me, they're like, I don't remember you saying that. My point being, so often we do stuff that we think or we realize may not have been appropriate or not the right thing to do at the time, and we let it turn around and around and around in here. The person that we said it to doesn't give a crap. It did not impact them, and they do not know, but we beat ourselves up in this. Now, here's the other part of this, though. It happens the other way around as well, in that there are things that we've said very nonchalantly, and therefore we just go on our happy little day and we have no idea that we have upset or insulted or done something wrong. So now we have nothing in our heads, but that poor person who we didn't mean any ill intention is all mad at us and it's going around in their head instead. So try not to be either of those people in that if you say something and you don't think it's appropriate, try to address it as quickly as possible. And if you can't address it as quickly as possible, try to let go of it so that you're not letting it run around in circles in your head. And if you need— and it's super important that you take care of it by, like, by apologizing to someone— then you can do that. But do it quickly. Don't let it run around in your head and make it bigger and worse than it is, because chances are they may not have even noticed. Or if they did, they're just going to say, okay, thanks, no problem, please just don't do it again, whatever that thing was. Now, if you're the other one who is clueless about the fact that you just pissed off people, um, basically you can't do anything about that. I have a husband who will kick me under the table when we're at parties when I say stuff that I think nothing of, because I'm like, what? What's— I just— I— what? Why? Why is that not okay? Because I really don't know. So when you say stuff to people and if they get mad at you, hopefully they will take the advice that I gave to the first part about this, right? Is if someone says something to you and you're like, oh my gosh, I can't believe they just said that to me. Oh, they're such jerks. Maybe they are. Maybe they have no idea that they have offended you. Your rules are not my rules. My rules are not your rules. Tony Robbins talks about this a lot. Him and his first wife. In his family, they would talk really loud all the time, and that was just how they talked. And then in her family, well, they were always very quiet and polite and that sort of thing. So when they got married, they would have disagreements because he would just talk really loud to her, and she felt like she was getting yelled at. And they would go back and forth all the time until one day they had that conversation about difference of how they grew up in that the loudness in his family was standard, it's his normal, and that's where it was. And the quiet in her family was the normal where she was. And so when you have two disparaging backgrounds, or sorry, different backgrounds, the communication style is not the same. So someone could do something and piss you off crazily, and the truth of the matter is they probably didn't mean it. Or maybe they did, because there are jerks in the world. But for the most part, the most important question I believe that Tony Robbins taught us was, what could this mean? So if I'm a really loud person talking really fast to you and you're like, oh my God, why is this person yelling at me? I'm I need you to be quiet. I need you to be calm. We need to communicate that stuff. Does it mean people will be quiet and communicative in the way that you're asking them to be? Uh, heck no. That is not how the world works. So there's other options, right? But the letting go thing is super important. Now, I actually have notes. I'm trying to be organized. This is what happens when y'all actually give me specific things to talk about. So I gave you the example of I said something to someone, I let it run around in my head, when I finally talked to them they're like, yeah, I didn't even notice. So it's taking up my mental space, it was not taking up theirs. Oh my gosh, I forget, there's a bazillion different examples of this. The Tony Robbins thing also is one of them, as far as we all have different ways to communicate. I have plenty of friends who use colorful vernacular on a regular basis. The words generally start with F, and it's an adjective versus— well, it's one of the most flexible words ever because it's an adjective, it's a exclamation point thing, whatever that's called. I choose not to use words that are considered swears in our, um, in general. I will do my best, although I do find myself swearing a lot more than I used to. But I have friends who just swear all the time, and I'm like, you do you. I don't have to swear all the time to communicate with you. Um, and so understanding that the communication part is where we usually break down, that communication part to ourselves is also what we're doing wrong when when we're letting stuff run around in our heads. Forgiveness. What are we really looking for? We want someone to say it's okay. And forgiveness is that letting go thing. We've talked about it before here. And forgiveness is not saying that whatever is the thing that someone did wrong towards you was okay. Forgiveness is getting the hamster off the hamster wheel in your head and you being able to let go of it. None of us are perfect. We did not die on a cross. Yeah, that didn't actually work, but anyway, it's almost his birthday after all. So none of us are perfect. We're all going to make mistakes. Forgiveness allows us to get off the hamster wheel. So if I say something inappropriate to you, and I know it, or at least I think it was inappropriate, and I then say something to you and you're like, oh yeah, so don't care, it's fine, who cares, um, at least then I can get the hamster off the hamster wheel. If someone says something to you that you think is inappropriate, go to them and let them know. Um, maybe it will change stuff, maybe it won't, but you won't know until you do. The forgiveness side is always for you, whether you've done something wrong or whether someone said something wrong to you. The other thing that we talked about when Mike and I were talking about this was we get depressed because we're looking backwards and we're paying attention to all the things we failed at, all the things that we sucked the things that we didn't do right, the things that we should have done that we didn't do, that sort of stuff. And that behind you is where depression lives. It's, "Oh, I suck because I never graduated college. Oh, I suck because I should be whatever." Anxiety, on the other hand, is looking forward. Anxiety is, "Oh, what's going to happen? This could happen. Oh, this could happen. I might die tomorrow. I could get killed." It's always looking forward of what could happen. What are the worst things that could happen? How bad can this be? And that's where our anxiety lives, is in the future. So depending on if you're dealing with either one of these things, take a moment to figure out where you are right now. And when I say right now, I mean this very moment. What is happening in your world right now? You're listening to me, huh? You may or may not be seeing my face in the— I know I listen to YouTube stuff while driving, so hopefully you're not watching that. So if depression's in the rearview mirror and if anxiety is in front of me, what do I have right here? Well, what do I have? I have at least 10 of you out there listening to me right now according to the little counter in the corner. I have the ability to breathe. And move. I can look at cool things around my— in my environment that just make me happy. So like my, my.50 cal bottle opener because it's fun. And I can think about the fact that I can feel my feet and my legs and stuff like that because I'm in EMT training today. So today we're dealing with someone who's paralyzed. Yay. In— but it's one of these things where right now it's like, I can't be depressed about what happened in the past because I'm focusing on what's going on now. I can't be anxious about what's happening in the future because I'm paying attention right now. It's like there's so many things you can pay attention to in the moment. So it is— the lights are on. I can't wait to get off camera because then I get to turn the lights down. I'm not gonna lie. My breath, I can, I can breathe. I'm not coughing every 30 seconds like 2 weeks ago. So there's just so much stuff. So life is never perfect, or it is spectacular and spectacularly horrible, and those things will come and go. So if we pay attention to what's happening right in this moment, this is where we find our happiness, or at least we can find our calm. The stuff in the past, we can't do anything about. The stuff on the future, we need to make sure that we're focusing on what's going to happen that we have control over. Like tomorrow, it's supposed to snow. Do I have control over that? No, I do not. Is it going to cancel my class tomorrow? Hmm, maybe, maybe not. Do I have control over that? Nope. So what's going to make me happy? Roll with the punches, baby. If it cancels my class, I do something else. Um, that whole thing about one door shutting, another door opens, it's true. Or, you know, if a door shuts, break the window, jump out anyway. You know, whichever way you want to roll, this is how it goes. So that was that. All right, Mr. DJ, I see that there are comments. Uh, you want to do roll call since I've been over here ignoring the, uh, the side, side window here?

I would be happy to do that. G-Webs is out there. So is Mike White G23, joined the conversation. So did Tara Smith's Kitchen. Fiona Remillard is out there as well. Let me see if there are any late additions to the room. Yes, the former PNW Woods, now just Woods, is out there tonight too.

See, I would have said, oh no, you missed one. Oh dear, for the love of God, we cannot forget Gina. She's out in California. She gets very excited when she actually gets home from work in time. So, oh, I think you can see that anyway. So welcome everyone and thank you for listening. Um, DJ, were there anything that I need to respond to since I was not— oh look, I got Heidi too! Hi Heidi! Sorry, you said late, late bloomers. So anyway, go ahead, I'll be quiet now.

Well, from PNW Woods, he says, uh, adults do this often. They say stuff in jest to kids when the sarcasm is above the kid's head. That sounds like a decent way to let off steam every once in a while. I know that, uh, Woods works with youth.

Yeah. Oh yeah, no, we can definitely destroy children very easily unintentionally. Um, it's, it's very hard, but communication in general is super hard because again, my background is different from your background, and what is acceptable in one dining room setting at home is not acceptable in another dining room setting. So kids are definitely highly susceptible to adults being idiots. Now, kids are also really good at being horrible and nasty as well, but, you know, they work on what they get. Sorry, now I'm paying attention to GT3. I'm like, wait, what, what, what free show? Did I schedule this for the wrong day? Is that what happened? I think I did. So anyway, um, anything else, DJ?

Those are the comments that we have for tonight.

All righty then. And yeah, G23, did I put it up for the wrong day? Because when I got on here, it said showtime and it was not yet. So, um, thank you for showing up on Saturday like it's supposed to be. Oh yes, in closing, um, I will say, uh, DJ had pointed out to me that 2 Saturdays from now is Christmas Eve, and after that it's going to be New Year's Eve. And so I had a little family meeting with everyone, and I said, Christmas Eve, do you guys want me to skip this and be with the family, or should I go ahead and do it? My husband's like, totally up to you. I'm like, hmm, okay. And then I talked to the children, and my daughter, oh, my little Nadia, she's like, Mom, that's the most important day that you could do it because there could be people out there that are alone and have nothing else to do. And I just thought that was the sweetest thing ever. Um, so that's kind of it. I will say that I will work on scheduling properly, uh, since, uh, according to GT3, it was scheduled for last night. So, and yes, I do know that's PST. Wait, yeah, anyway, no, that's whatever. I suck at the Eastern versus Mountain versus whatever, Pacific, all of that. So anyway, I will be here on Christmas Eve. I will be here on New Year's Eve. And like I said, if you all have specific questions or topics you would like me to talk about, that is always helpful. 'cause then I can at least prep for stuff. And EMT stuff will be over next week. Well, sort of. Practical's on Tuesday and written test is on Thursday. So I will have no more classroom time. I just get to go ride around in the ambulance until I see 10 patients and then I can finally graduate. So anyway, now Woods, that is not, it's no, DJ was actually the one who said, hey, go put them up. And I said, okay. And I put them up on the wrong day because I think I was actually looking at the wrong calendar because— yeah, no, I can't even blame January. December? Nope, can't do November either. But yeah, it was not DJ's fault. DJ is the one who says, hey, you should put this up ahead of time so people really know. Um, all right, mental health and kids. Yeah, um, that, that is a horrible, sad thing, but yes. The preteens and the teens that are committing suicide right now, the fact that since 2013 the numbers have just been rising like crazy. It's— that is definitely something we can talk about, mental health and kids. I'm not sure that's going to be my Christmas Eve conversation. Maybe next week though. I don't know. I'm doing a lot of studying this week for my finals. Um, CPR is the other one. Ambulance is moving. Yeah, well, you know, I hope— the good news is I'm just a student. I haven't passed anything yet. I am not actually an EMT yet, so I will not have hands on a patient. Um, so no CPR for me in the back of my moving ambulance right now. But yeah, mental health and kids. Sorry, I wrote most of that but not all of it. Oh, all right, y'all have fun. See you next week, and I will try to schedule appropriately. I'm gonna go do that now. So y'all have a good rest of your week.