Suicide Prevention Sat - Just Stay Calm

Hey everyone. It is Suicide Prevention Saturday. Why? Because 2 out of every 3 gun deaths you hear about are suicides. So if people really want to save lives, we have to start talking about mental health. Because if we talk about mental health, not only do we save or possibly save some of those folks who commit suicide with a gun, but then all those other people who commit suicide in other ways, we can have such an amazing impact. So that is why I come on here every Saturday night, 9:00 PM Eastern. Most of the time, like last week or two weeks ago, it was Sunday, because life does not always go according to plan and you need to roll with the punches. So just yesterday I was watching, uh, another channel and they were listening to live testimony— well, it was pre-recorded testimony on gun bills. And while we were listening, I was making different comments and the gentleman was like, well, how do you stay so calm? So tonight what I have for you is me reading mostly what I wrote, because I find that if I don't read to you what I wrote, um, we could be here for a really long time. So are you guys ready? Here it is. I was asked, how do I stay calm when listening to people who are, let's say, of a different opinion of me? Did you hear the words I just said? That is one way that helps me stay calm. I didn't call them stupid. I didn't call them ignorant. I didn't get mad at them for saying something that I don't like. I just realized they have a different opinion. They have a different way of looking at things. I really try and choose my words, the ones that I say out loud, as well as the ones that I say intentionally to myself. Asking good questions and being aware of the words you are using is is huge. How can I make this better is a much more empowering question than why does this always happen to me. Our brains are amazing and will come up with an answer to whichever question you ask it. In the conversation that I was asked how do I stay calm, we had been listening to some people— excuse me— they were saying some pretty silly stuff Now here's the thing, when I say silly stuff, at the time, probably my first thought was not silly stuff. Amazingly uneducated stuff would be closer to what I was thinking. And really the thought that it provoked for the most part was head-slapping stupid, if you choose to look at it that way. And part of staying calm is choosing how you react to stuff. 'Cause we don't have control over what happens to us or around us. The only thing you and I actually have control over is how do we choose to react to it. I've been on this earth for over half a century. I've seen a lot of different stuff in my life. I think one of the questions that keeps me calm is, what could this mean? I mean, you could look at me, I could wave to you, and you don't wave back. What does that mean? Do you not like me 'cause you didn't wave back? I learned this question decades ago from Tony Robbins. If you don't know that name, I highly suggest you check him out. So are you thinking about that? If I'm looking at you and I wave and you don't wave back, what could that mean? Hmm. Well, maybe you don't like me. Maybe you don't wanna acknowledge me, but maybe, just maybe, You are just spacing off completely. I thought you were looking at me, but you didn't actually see me. So I can choose to immediately decide that you don't like me because you didn't wave back. Or I can choose to ask the question, what could this mean? And realize that, oh, maybe you're just being a space cadet and I'd have to do this to get your attention right now. And then you'd be like, what? Huh? What?, and then I would know. Now, is it always easy? No, it's training. You have to ask yourself regularly, what could this mean? What does this mean to me does not mean it's the same thing to you. A couple decades back, years ago, I don't know, timelines are very challenging, people got all upset over the Confederate flag for lots of different reasons, and they had their reasons. But to me, the Confederate flag is not about hate and anger. To me, the Confederate flag is about the Dukes of Hazzard and the General Lee, because that's what's on the roof. That's it. I don't have a historical background. I don't know everything about it. I understand there are people that get mad at the Confederate flag for the history that they know and the anger that they have for it. But for me, all it means is it was a show I watched as a kid. I am not a history buff. Do I have compassion for those people that are upset? Yes. But just like I'm talking about in this particular show today, hate is not something that does anything for you other than make you mad. So let me get back to reading because otherwise it'll go on forever. What could this mean? Gives me a lot of options besides a knee-jerk reaction to rage. Rage and anger are about the easiest emotions to access. Ready? Biden. Trump. Chances are both those names create a strong emotion for you instantly. I would even bet anger was something that you just felt. See how easy that is? Anger and rage give us a temporary feeling of power. Like we could easily Hulk smash something. It's one of the reasons it's so addictive. We like power. We like feeling we're in control. And when we're pumped up and mad and angry and we're ready to smash something, we feel powerful. So it makes sense because we all like to be in control of things, or at least believe that we're in control of things, because like I said before, we don't really have control over anything outside of us. We have control how we react. All right, now take a deep breath. I mean, shoulders back, fill up your belly with breath, and then let it go. It gets even better if you can stand up, put your hands on your hips, and put your shoulders out. This is called the superhero pose, you know, like Wonder Woman or Superman. Take that breath with your hips on— your hands on your hips and your elbows out, shoulders back. Opens up your chest, allows you to breathe easier. And if you do this just 10 seconds a day, you can increase your confidence. Pretty cool, right? Just physically standing there, you don't have to think anything. You have to put your hands on your hips, shoulders out, shoulder, uh, elbows out, shoulders back, and just that alone can make you feel better. Why is all of this relevant to staying calm? First, it's helpful to understand why anger is so easy to feel. Second, it's helpful to understand a physical thing that can be done to feel calm and build confidence. Anger often stems from fear. Confidence helps us to control our fears better. Fear will never go away, but we can manage it better the more confident we are. Here are some physical things we've talked about in the past, but just as reminders, these are things you can do to feel calm and build confidence. Take deep breaths. You can just save one. Sometimes more is helpful. Practice mindfulness. We're gonna talk about that a little bit more shortly. Exercise regularly. I was talking to someone who's a triathlete and he hates running, but he likes biking and swimming. So he gets through running because he hears people talk about the runner's high and stuff like that. He's like, nah, I just get through it.. But regularly exercising helps lots of things. Eat a healthy diet. You eat crap, you feel like crap. Get enough sleep. The number one thing you can do for yourself, DJ, the number one thing you can do is get regular, consistent sleep. It's the number one thing they've decided in all the health studies, sleep above everything else, because all of these things help what? Oh, that'd be lower your stress level. Spend time with loved ones. You're here with me. I love you too. Thank you for spending time with me. Smile. That's always a simple one. Fake it till you make it. Do things that make you happy. Set goals and work towards them. Here's the thing. It's not the diamond ring or the Super Bowl ring or whatever. It's the journey that you took to get there that is the true accomplishment. Visualize your success. Visualize your success. Of putting your goals out there and believe in yourself. Gratitude, that's another key. Gratitude for life, not just yours, but all life. When I was 8 years old, we would harvest wood for our wood stove. Prior to cutting down a tree, we would literally hug the thing and thank it for its life force, because that life force that that tree and the earth gave to that tree that we were going to cut down was going to keep us alive through the wintertime. We were literally tree huggers. This taught me that life is precious. All life is precious, from a single blade of grass to the tiniest cell to the largest animal you can think of. It's all precious and all deserves respect. All life is precious. In that tree-hugging environment, we also practiced meditation, the art of just sitting quietly Today, the idea of mindfulness is the equivalent that everyone talks about, being aware. Ready? Just realize what's happening right now. You're hearing me speak. Does it occur to you how amazing this is? I mean, I am here recording this on this crazy device we call a computer, but it's so much more. Not only am I recording this, but now it's being transferred across the internet to God knows where. You could be listening to my voice anywhere in the world that has internet right now, and that's pretty crazy. And somehow, somewhere in the internet, which has so much information on it, you found me. So how crazy is that? And that's not even getting into the biology, your brain, the brainwaves that are happening right now, what's happening to your eardrum right now, those little vibrations that are sending those messages to your brain so you actually can comprehend what I'm saying. Being amazed is a great way to be present in the moment. I know I need lots of that to keep me calm. Have a childlike attitude when it comes to stuff. I mean, I'm still amazed by corded phones. I still am amazed that I could pick up the phone when I was a kid and I could talk to my aunts and uncles in California, 3,000, 4,000 miles away. That somehow my voice, that vibration that's happening here while the air from my lungs is coming through my throat and then my bones somehow are making it amplified. I don't know all of this stuff, but it's crazy when you break stuff down. So be amazed at everything that is around you. Understanding— here's another piece— understanding none of us know everything is another big part of building confidence and calmness. The universe has infinite possibilities. Infinity is a really, really big number. Well, because it never ends, so I don't suppose it's big, it's infinite. So the most ignorant statement I ever hear is, how can they not know that? When I hear, when I hear people say that, I realize they're not really very smart. There's an infinite amount of knowledge. It's super easy not to know something. Realizing that I know stuff you don't, and you know stuff I don't, is super important to remaining calm. Why? Because I don't need to feel inferior because you know something I don't, and vice versa. My knowledge is useful sometimes, and so is yours. Yet for some reason, We tend to dismiss what we know as insignificant, and everything someone else knows seems to be so much more impressive. None of us can know or do everything. We really do need each other, and that can make us feel vulnerable. Back to that pesky insecurity of fear that leads to anger. This helps me look at the value in others. This helps me remember the golden rule: treat others as you wish to be treated. I would like you to listen to my thoughts, and therefore I need to be able to listen to your thoughts. You don't have to agree with me. I don't have to agree with you, but we should be able to listen to each other, as we can always learn something when we actually listen. God gave us two ears, one mouth, which many have said means we should listen twice as often as much as we talk. It's not a bad idea. Similar to the quote, I can't fully remember, but goes something to the effect of, you can remain silent and let them think you're a fool, or you can open your mouth and prove it. I'm proving it right now, but hey, that's okay. Respect for life, respect for others, having faith in humanity that there are more people out there trying to do good. These are the things that I reflect on to remain calm, and treat others with respect. There are many horrible things that happen around us all the time. We can't stop them all, but we can work on how we can react to them. Realizing that you have a choice on how you react. You don't have a choice of what garbage shows up in your life, but you do have a choice on how you deal with it. Like right now, my dog, hmm, driving me crazy. However, I can choose to take another deep breath and ignore him completely. You get to decide how long you're going to let anger and hatred fester and poison you before you move on to the question, "What can I do to help the situation?" Because here's the thing, bad things happen. Pick any bad thing that you want: divorce, breakup, losing a child, getting in a fight, saying something you wish you didn't. You can get mad and angry, of course we all do. The difference is how long do you want to stay there? How long do you want to let that fester? Because once you ask yourself the question, what can I do to help this situation? You are going to get a better reaction, a better feeling in your body, because all of a sudden you're giving yourself permission to help versus be a victim. Because let's face it, those of us, when we get mad and angry, we feel like we've been wronged. We feel like the world is wrong, and we get mad and angry. Or I get mad and angry because my thought is, how could someone do this or do that or whatever it was? And you lose a little bit of faith, but then you have to regain it by saying, okay, What can I do to help the situation? The less time you spend in anger and frustration, the better off you are. Anger is just a poison that you are feeding yourself. It causes damage to your physical body, cellularly, it's been proven, and does absolutely nothing to the person you are angry at. I learned this after being very angry for a very long time. Then one day I realized it was time to let go of the anger. One of the best days of my life. It's called forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself to allow you to move on. One of the mistakes I think many people make is thinking that forgiveness is accepting the wrongdoing that had made you angry in the first place. It is not. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself to allow you to move on and let go. Anger and hate do nothing to the person that you are mad at. Did I repeat myself? Yeah, because it's really that important to learn. Perspective is another. There's always another way to look at something. We often get caught thinking we have looked at the angels— looked at the angels, there we go. Um, see, this is the reading part. Uh, there's always another way to look at something. We often get caught thinking we have looked at all the angles and we know what we are talking about. The truth is we have only one way of looking at something and we pull from all the things we've experienced in our lives. And we all have unique, unique different ways that we have lived. We have different things that we know. So we've looked at it from all the different angles we can think of. And that's probably true. However, You are going to look at that exact same problem in a different way, a way that I can't because I don't have your experiences. So when we're listening to other people, we have to give them grace and understand they have a whole different life that they've pulled from to get to where they're at. And it's not that it's wrong, it's just different. And yes, I know there are things that are right and wrong in the world, but to understand that their lifestyle and what they know does not actually impact and make a difference. Like, you still have what you are. The truth is, um, we have one way of looking at something and don't often do a good job of realizing there is another way to look at it. Back to the two ears, one mouth idea. Listen with the intent of learning something, not just waiting to say what you want to say when they stop talking, which I certainly do this at times. I try to be aware and really listen. Back to Brooke's Golden Rule of treat others as you wish to be treated with respect. I had heard someone say treat others as they wish to be treated, but the truth of the matter is I don't know how you want to be treated. I will do my best to respect you, and that's why I've created Brooke's Golden Rule of treat others as you wish to be treated with respect. Stop watching the news. Start reading or learning something new. I know when I tell people this all the time, they're like, what? No way, I need to watch the news so I'm informed. Well, when was the last time you watched the news and walked away feeling better about yourself and the world? Never? Really? Yeah, me too. I stopped watching the news in 2005. Because I really realized that the above statement was true. You don't feel better after you've watched the news. You just get angry, um, and it doesn't serve you. It just makes you more mad and angrier. Made me more mad and angry. Learning more, however, learning about something you actually care about, learning about something you can actually do something about, that should make you feel better. So learning better, learning better, The reading thing is hard sometimes. Learning more helps you feel better most of the time and serves you. And the reason I say most of the time is sometimes we learn things that we don't want to know. Ignorance is bliss a lot of the times. Some of my teachers have been previous jobs. We all have different careers. Some of my teachers have been coaches that I've had when I'm physically training for different sports. Since the 1990s, I've been listening to people like Tony Robbins, Jocko Willink, Dean Graziosi, Russell Brunson, Billie Jean, and so many more. Keep learning. There is so much more out there. The more you learn, the more you realize how little you know, the easier it is to use those two ears because now you know how little you really know. Or at least that's one way to look at it because that's what I feel like. The more I know, the more I realize how little I actually know. So it makes it that much more important to actually listen to what other people are saying, no matter how much I disagree with them or how I will never have a way to get to where they're at, because I don't want to go there, is the truth of the matter. I like who I am, I like where I am, because I do want to learn, but I don't have to necessarily change to someone else's opinion just because I listen to them. So that's it in a nutshell for tonight. Respect life, knowledge, others, mindfulness, gratitude, confidence, perspective. These are some of the things that help me stay calm. To be fully clear, I am not calm all the time. I absolutely lose my stuff on a regular basis. I just attempt not to stay there for too long. Being aware of the possibilities is huge. Knowing that I have options I do not have to stay mad and angry. I can say, "Wow, that really stinks." You see the words there? Hmm, super important. What you say out loud, what you say in here, choose them wisely. Use those empowering questions. How can I? Not why, because why is accusatory and why makes it sound like somehow it's your fault. It's not. How can I make a difference? How can I do something better today? How can I get over this horrible feeling that I have inside me right now that's eating me alive because I'm so mad and angry? Give your brain the option with the words that you choose. Try to do one thing that helps you, then try to do one more. Rome wasn't built in a day. Neither was kindness to others and compassion. Just get 1% better than you were yesterday. And that is what I have for you tonight. Because I'm probably driving when this is going to go live, I would love for you guys to stick your comments below, whether you're watching on Facebook or YouTube, because for some reason I don't always see the live chat, and I'd love to be able to respond to any of the questions that you have. So once this closes out, go down to the comments section. If you have questions or ideas, please let me know down there so I can respond directly to you guys. So have an awesome night. See you next Saturday. And I think that's about it. Good night, everyone.