Suicide Prevention Saturday - So you had a plan, did you?

Ta-da! That— I've never seen that before.

You've never seen that before?

That's my first time seeing—

that's because you never watch my channel.

No, I really don't. I'm a bit of a turncoat in that regard.

No, no, not at all. All right, hi everybody! Say hi.

Hi.

Uh, what is tonight?

It is Saturday.

Yes, it's Saturday.

Is Suicide Prevention Saturday.

It is Suicide Prevention Saturday.

And from what I've been told, the plan is to talk about having a plan and what happens when you don't have a plan.

Okay. Oh, there's barbecue. Oh, Mr. Smarty Pants here. We actually discussed this prior last weekend when he was supposed to be here last week, because how appropriate that he goes on the week when things don't go according to plan. So anyway, hi Guns and Barbecue. Hi Tara. And of course, hi Mike White. And yes, it is 4/8/2023. Yeah, something like that. All right, so Suicide Ranch Saturday, because every Saturday we get together as gun owners and responsible people in America who would like to actually talk about mental health because too out of every 3 gun deaths you hear about are what?

Suicide.

Suicide, right? So if we want to save lives, we need to actually talk about mental health. So, um, you had no power last weekend. You should have been here. Yes, he actually doesn't remember why he wasn't here last week, so we have to tell him that instead of being here with us— because Barbecue was very excited about the fact you were going to be here, because whenever Nadia is on he says, where's Max?

I— she hasn't sacrificed what I've sacrificed for this channel. You know what? I, you— I sat there for like 20 minutes holding a camera, looking at you in the driver's seat while we drove down through Hartford.

Life is hard for this child. Yes, as you can see. But before we get too far into this, so the reason he wasn't here last week Epic birthday party.

Oh yeah, I had a— yeah, I had a party I had to get to.

Yes, yes, he did. He's a party boy. Not really, not a whole lot.

No.

All right, but so I don't know how long Barbecue is going to be here, so I think we should first toast Barbecue. Ready? Go grab your toast. All right, ready? So up to the camera. We're matching Cheetos as well. All right, for any of you who have not stalked Mr. Burger Mr. Guns and Barbecue over, uh, you know, over on Facebook. I, I'll just, I'll just show this to y'all right now. Barbecue's gonna be putting that on Flamin' Hot Cheetos, uh, in a week, something like that. Um, but all right, so he, he wants to read what you have to say, so I'll make it bigger.

No, I saw it.

I read it. Yes, so Barbecue knows about your suffering. So, all right, and we got the mazel tov for a horrible boss. I'm a horrible boss. Yeah, no pay either. Um, not a cent, not, not a penny. All right, so, uh, so yeah, so we're just gonna start off by, why, I don't know, for me, I'm, I'm waiting for when we get to see the actual pictures of Guns of Barbecue and his daughter in these spectacular— what are they called? Onesies? I don't know. They're not called onesies. Onesies are what you put on a baby. No, they're for the singlets. Thank you, sir. I appreciate you. So yes, we're looking forward to next week or the week after because I know he said he's a week ahead of time. So, um, yeah, we're, we're, we'll, we'll post those photos up Whenever those actually occur. So anyhow, all right. See you Saturday. What happens when things don't go according to plan? So last week, perfect example of things not going according to plan and lots of, lots of things. First, we made a big deal of Max being here last week.

Oh God.

Didn't happen. No. But did we roll with the punches?

As far as I know, yes.

Yes. And then I lost power. Like, 6, 8 minutes in there. Mike White is here. Uh, he was here last week. Um, and I, I think it was like 6, 8 minutes. I just said, hey, we're having some bad weather, so if anything happens— and then I swear it was like the next sentence and poof, we were gone. All those thunderstorms and stuff we had last weekend. So I couldn't fix anything. I couldn't make it any better. So just have to roll with it. So what am I looking— oh, 2 Live Moo. There it is. Sorry, I didn't say hi to 2 Live Moo.

Hi.

Hand pink waving. Okay. I think that's an emoji. That's an emoji. Yes. That's just not coming through on StreamYard. Now I know this is why we're supposed to be on YouTube at the same time so we can see everything. All right. So what happens when things don't go according to plan for you, Mr. Max?

Rarely much. You may be surprised to learn. But I'm not exactly the most independent of children, and it's hardly that I really have any plans. A lot of things are set up for me. I have like deadlines I have in like school or work, and the process to getting to those deadlines is usually pretty straightforward.

They're over here. You can talk to them there.

Yes. Yes.

I will look at you one more time, but you like to— them.

But yeah. It's hardly much that happens when plans don't go to plan. I mean, I might feel some repercussions, i.e., grades or something along those lines, but it hardly really affects me any longer than the short term, or at least it's something that isn't irrecoverable. It's not like I'm— it's not— I've never had to like redo a, redo a grade, or I've never had to go to summer school or anything like that.

So, so that would be things not going according to plan.

That would be, that would be things going, that'd be things going a bit foobar. Yeah, that would be, okay.

Uh, yeah. Anyway, there's that.

I don't think you'd be very happy with me if I had to go to summer school.

Well, I mean, hey, stuff happens. Um, yeah, no, we have crazy, um, what do you call it? We have crazy attendance laws here in Connecticut. So he might actually end up in summer school if he misses too much school because they won't actually let him pass. So, all right. So what happens for average most people? Like, you've got a great plan. This is what's going to happen. ABC. And you get to A and then you go to Z. Oh, panic. Panic. All right. That's not one of our things here. Hold on. Wait here. Let me give you a clue right there. Well, no, in red here, right there with the one in red. Rage. Yeah. That's one of the possibilities, right?

I was not briefed on this.

You were not briefed on this. But yeah, it's how it's going to go apparently.

Where my mind goes, if you're reacting to rapidly having to sort of shorthand plans that you had, if it was more thought out and you skipped out on a lot of preparation or you've suddenly bounced around to a step that you weren't prepared for, it can be somewhat hard to recover from that. And for you yourself to actually manage the emotions and the overload that comes with suddenly being thrust into a situation you were not prepared for.

All right. So I got a friend who was about to get married, day before the wedding called it off, or maybe the morning of the wedding. Is that a change in plans?

That is a pretty drastic change in plans. Yes.

Okay. All right. So would someone cry over that? Wait, because I've got another slide that says cry, right?

Yeah.

All right, are we good? You sure? No, apparently that one is not it. All right, maybe I don't have another slide. Never mind, we're gonna say the heck with those slides. Oh, this is my other favorite. What happens when people don't have high emotional IQs? What happens when they're acting like a toddler? Wait, can you read the thing in red? What's it say?

Stomp your— I, I don't know if you want them to read it out or if you read it.

They can't hear themselves.

Stomp your feet.

All right, so what do you think when somebody's stomping their feet when they're not getting what they want?

Uh, they're having a little bit of a tirade. Okay, tantrum, I believe, is the word you're looking for.

Do we have anyone in this family who ever stomps their feet?

I must say no. I put it on record, I am going to say no.

So no one stomps their feet around here when they don't get what they want?

Not stomp their feet.

What do they do?

They might yell, they might raise their voices. I mean, we don't really have a lot of stompers in the family. Or at least I'm not aware of any stomping. Okay, well, very thin walls. I think I know somebody.

Well, so the walls around here do get— get— they don't get punched, but they get knocked on because the kids are upstairs. So we knock on the— on the walls because when they've got their earmuffs on, cannot hear. So we don't stomp feet, but we do knock on walls. So that is one of the things.

That is a good excuse.

And then they're yelling and screaming from time to time. Once in a while. Are these all productive ways?

Depends. I mean, catharsis in itself, as in like the physical distribution of just raw emotion, is sort of counterproductive because it's an expression of an emotion and it doesn't really quell that emotion.

Come here.

It really—

see, DJ's saying get closer. Because the microphone is there, so you have to be closer. All right. So you can talk up that way too.

Well, I'll project a little bit more. I'm sorry. I'm a little bit under the weather.

Yes. That's why we're drinking while we're talking.

Yeah. Catharsis. Again, it can work. It can somewhat be counterproductive. It depends on the person usually, but it's not a generally effective way if we're talking about wide, broad strokes. In dealing with anger.

Okay. What is something that you could say instead? Like, so when stuff doesn't— so here, here's— he's not going to throw me under the bus, but there are times when perhaps maybe I've raised my voice and said something beyond peanut butter and jelly, as Guns of Barbecue talks about, because he thinks it's Funny that I say peanut butter and jelly. But there are the moments when I may have lost my cool and get mad and angry. So just saw the lamp in the backyard party ready. Oh yeah. So it's one of those things where it's just like, does it happen all the time? No. However, like my friend who was about to get married, called it off the night of the wedding. Lots of money. That's a big impact. But then the emotional stuff. And I heard the best sermon on tape, actually. That's how old I am. I used to listen to tapes. And the name of the sermon was actually Oh Well, in that this preacher said this most amazing story about he got a brand new truck, got a brand new trailer, and nothing went right. The brakes failed, the trailer got unhitched, all sorts of things went bad. And our reaction can be, oh, and go crazy, or you can say, oh well, which then leads me to my final one. Do you know what the final one is, Max?

I don't have— I feel like I have a screen over here or anything. What could this mean?

Yeah. So what could this mean is definitely something that I've learned from, like, Tony Robbins as far as something really bad could happen, and it may feel like it's horrible at that point in time. But then if you ask the question, what could this mean? Um, my comments are disappearing. Uh-oh. I don't know. On YouTube. All right, DJ, you're— I'm assuming you're looking at YouTube as well as this, so let me know if it's only on YouTube or if it's here. Well, we don't see any of— so G-Webs, we saw a third thumbs up and then the comments are disappearing, so I don't know. But anyway, so what could this mean? Things could really suck and be horrible. This is where when you say, what could this mean? Oh, communication. What's one of the things I tell you guys all the time about communication?

Good communication is the key to most things and the key to good relationships, at least is what I've been told.

Right.

So your ability to express yourself, express ideas, and transfer those ideas from my mouth to your brain is like one of the most important skills that anybody can actually learn. It's a whole lot of problems would be solved if we were a whole lot more consistent in our messaging.

Right. So clear communication is super hard. So that's why having stuff like, what could this mean, be part of how we deal with problems. So, um, my rules and my experience is different than Max's rules and Max's experience. We have some things in common because, you know, he's got some of them with there. And, um, and so there are times when I might interrupt him in the middle of a game that he is playing And he is less than— how should I put it— less than thrilled to, to be interrupted. Thrilled, thrilled, thrilled. Um, and it's not that he doesn't love me, right? And, and it's not that he's— well, he's annoyed with me. He's not necessarily angry with me at the point in time. So it's like, what could this mean? I'm like, oh, bad timing on my part, right? And then when we call up to him like, hey Max, we need you for something. In a minute. And you know, when he's cranky about it, it's like, okay, another piece of bad timing. So this is kind of one of those, what could this mean? So one of our challenges with our ego is that we take everything the way we would take it. I know that I come across, ah, maybe cold and calculated sometimes because I tend to be very matter of fact about certain things. And luckily I have your father to regulate me sometimes. He's like, yeah, that is not going to come across well. Um, because I just don't realize that I'm meaning something very simple and yet it comes across like I'm being less than spectacular, right? So we have to remember our rules don't always apply to somebody else's rules. What do you think?

I mean, yeah, yeah. I mean, with, with the games that in this particular example, I find them as somewhat, they're an investment of my time. Basically, I find them that they are deserving of my time. Enough where I am able to invest time into it, because I see it partly as a skill, and I like to, and I would like to perfect that skill to the best of my ability. Now, that's a little bit pompous because it is just dots on a screen, and it does sound a little ridiculous, but that's how I perceive it, and I feel a sort of dedication to it and a sort of need to play out whatever I'm doing as, I guess, principal.

Well, right. So now here's the thing, we're having the husband, um, oh see, DJ says not pompous. Um, uh, oh wait, sorry, there's one more hi. So hi, Baron. Don't you love the little— what is the critter? Does the critter have a name?

It's a recruiter. Yeah, that It looks like a toad.

Okay.

Well, I don't know.

Anyway. So yeah, so one of the things that Sean has done a good job of explaining to me about why it's so important to not call him away from a game is it's— what's the name of the game?

Counter-Strike.

And you get busted down and banned if you have to— if you bail on a game.

Yeah.

So you're not being pompous, you're committing to the thing that you told the other players. It's no different than you being part of a basketball team or a volleyball team and deciding that you're going to walk away in the middle of the game. Right. So we try to get him to pay attention to the time when it's time. Oh, Toad is Toad. It is Toad. Toad is already— I was right. You were right. Yes. Well, so my husband and my children talk internet memes. I do not. That's why I'm like, I know what— who Pepe the Frog is. That's what I know. That's my extent of probably knowing actual meme stuff. So, but the toad looked like it could be like a Pepe the Frog kind of thing. So anyway, all right. So what happens when things don't go according to plan? For so many of us, it can seem like the world is ending. We can overreact, we can underreact and just shove everything down. And It's one of those things. I made the mistake of looking at a comment. I'm just like, um, so when things don't go according to plan, like last week, everything failed, but I didn't delete last week's Suicide Prevention Saturday because I was here. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't spectacular. Um, behind the lamp back there, actually, it says progress, not perfection. And then if you guys know this guy named Mike Rowe, he does lots of cool things. Dirty Jobs is one of the TV shows that is most known by him, I think. But it definitely goes with, um, understanding none of us are perfect. None of us have all the right answers at the right time. We don't all have the right reactions when stuff doesn't go right. And to give ourselves some grace when that all happens.

Yeah.

Yeah. Sound good? All right. Do we do communication in the household?

We try.

Okay.

Yeah.

Where do we fail? Like, where are some of the things that we fail? Right.

Sometimes, sure, in tempers, which is not a usual or prominent problem. It can happen sometimes. I mean, everybody's susceptible to it. It's not like it's a unique flaw in any person's home that somebody sometimes loses their temper. Something that happens and it happens.

And do I usually apologize?

Yes.

Do you usually apologize?

Rather profusely.

So, all right. So I was trying to read Tara's thing. So what was it? My plan was to be at a chapter meeting today at the Hogg LOH and was in a wreck last week. Loaner truck broke down this week. Won't be home until 2:00 AM. Plans change. Keep kicking, roll around, keep moving. Oh yeah, absolutely. So yeah, never give up, right? What is the point? You know, every— has everyone seen— I don't even know, I'll ask you. Have you seen the poster where there's a frog in the mouth of a bird and the frog is reaching around and grabbing the bird's neck even though the frog is fully in the mouth and it says never give up under there?

I think I've seen it.

So anyway, that might be too '80s for you. I don't know. Or '70s. It was an actual poster, not just a meme. So there is that. So never give up. Realize that you need to have grace for yourself, whether you're being graceful or not graceful with how you react. Know that the 'oh well' mentality of— it's kind of like, okay, what's next? When things aren't happening the way you expect. Um, I have a long story as to things that didn't happen that made me very upset at the time, but now I've learned to be very grateful for them. He should know the story, but he may not.

I don't know which one you're referring to.

Get closer here again, sir. If you go far away, they can't hear you.

Yeah, usually I project better. Usually.

Okay, well, you also have a giant boom mic when you're talking on the computer.

No, I mean like talking in person. Oh, okay.

All right.

Thank you.

Okay. So anyway, I was training for the Olympics. I blew out my knee. Very sad, very cranky for that Christmas because it was the week before Christmas, the beginning of my ski season. So that made me mad and cranky. Then I got to go to the first choice college of my choice. First choice college of my choice. Yeah, something like that., and I was super excited about that. And then I couldn't. My dad changed his mind. He didn't have the money to send me. So I was super upset about that.

So he bought a truck.

He bought a truck that cost about the same as what my college tuition was going to be. But here's the thing. Yes, I was mad. Yes, I was angry. If it were not for those two things that at the time I thought were horrible, this kid would not be sitting here right now. Nope. Because if those things hadn't changed the trajectory of my life, I would not have met his dad. So, oh well. When something doesn't according— go according to your plan, can be this is just a pivot point or a turning point in your life. Uh-oh, and apparently it's past his bedtime, so we should probably go.

No, I'm fine.

He's a sick child.

He's got a cold. Yeah, a little bit.

A little bit. He's got the glassy eyes. He's not really about to cry though.

No.

No, I don't think we got high enough death for anybody else to see that.

I don't think anybody was checking in on that.

All right. So in your short life. Yes. So far, what is something that you think of that seemed totally horrible, but it wasn't really? Or is there anything that you can think of?

Getting busted, I guess. I mean, if we want to bring up something, if anything. Because there isn't a lot that I could think of off the top of my head, but since you already brought it up, when I got busted for my little scandal, I, uh—

Hold on, just so we're clear, his idea of a scandal— go ahead, tell them what you actually did.

I just, I changed around some— basically, I violated the school policy for computers because what I did would have given me certain privileges that the, um, that the school didn't— wouldn't allow. So it was technically me stealing the computer, which would have been, you know, robbery of property and would have been bad.

All right, he's making this more complex than needs to be. He hacked a school computer and changed a password that gave him admin rights on the pass— on the computer. Yeah, he just— yeah. All right. So anyway, so that's definitely against the rules. And he got busted for that. All right. I'll let you try to finish telling the story.

So I had a bit of a streak of bad luck. And what happened was the assistant principal, Peter Bogan, walked in one day at lunch and told me to look at my computer because he wanted to see something. I can't remember what it was at the time. But when I opened it up, to show him. It was the black BIOS password screen. He hadn't seen it before, and I played dumb and pretended I didn't know what was happening.

Oh yeah, he's good at digging the hole a little deeper than he needed it to go.

So he didn't know what was happening. I didn't— I pretended I didn't know what was happening. The computer got taken to tech. Tech knew what was happening, so they knew that a kid changed something. And that's how that happened. So they spilled that to Mr. Bogan. I got into a conference room with myself, you, Dad, assistant principal, principal, a police officer, and the director of technology.

And just so we're clear, this was not the first time he was in trouble. That's— it was kind of a, a habit that 7th grade year. Yeah.

7th grade was my trouble year. And, and then I eventually got offered through both the sort of pining from my father and mother and from Mr. Bogan that I eventually got a position at Tech.

So since 8th grade, my son has now been working. What's Mr. Bogan's nickname? So there's the Boganator is one of Mr. Bogan's nicknames.

The Boogeyman.

The Boogeyman. He's, he's retired since then. But yeah, so here's something that he was about to get— we were actually suspended or possibly getting expelled from school at this point in time. Yes. So he was in hot water. He was definitely not, not in a good place. Um, and, uh, yeah, so it's— it was definitely— as my husband and I are just like We know he's smart, we know he can code, we know he can do tech stuff, but the fact that he's broken more rules than he's managed to keep definitely was a stressful situation. But now looking back on it, it is sort of funny because I feel like I'm telling the story of a hacking movie where the kid gets thrown in jail and the FBI offers him a job because he's so good at what he does. So now it's been 8th grade, 9th grade, 10th grade, and he's been working in the tech department for the school. Yeah, slave labor over here.

Yeah, but it's worker experience, it's work study.

Yeah. So anyway, so now you have stories, examples of stuff that doesn't go the way you want it, probably feels like crap when it's happening. But then, um, it changes something in your life. It makes an impact that you didn't see coming, that you didn't know was going to happen. So this is why even when stuff is really horrible, you get through it. Like my sister dying, we're like, okay, what's good about this? You're not gonna find the good in losing someone like that immediately, but at least if you open your mind to ask those questions, it should help. So, uh, T-Web says, uh, police officer. Well, yeah, but he was like getting ready to be thrown out of school. It was— this is— this was, like I said, this was not his first infraction. This was just kind of the biggest one. Um, and, uh, yeah, the Boganator. I don't know if that's how you spell that, but you know, we just call him the Boganator.

So I was always more proud about Boogie Man, but it never caught on the same as Boganator.

Oh, you know, Terminator, Boganator, you got something to go with. The Bogeyman is more like, oh, little kids are afraid of the Bogeyman. So I, I'm— I don't know. All right, well, ah, no, I'm saying— no, I'm saying Boganator has something to attach it to. The Terminator, the Boganator. But when you do the Boogeymanator, it's like a little bit third grade, and you were in seventh grade at that point in time.

So see what I'm talking about?

I just say that's when it's all there. All right, um, yeah, so see, yeah, stay there, stay close, don't go away.

That was a 908.

I am just— yeah, but you keep leaning back. I have to— I'm leaning forward because I'm trying to get you to lean forward. All right, so anyway, that's it. It's Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday. We, we've gone on for half an hour. Um, got anything else you want to say? Oh, is Barbecue still here? I don't know, he's been very quiet.

If he's still here, he's not been very vocal.

I know, no, he's had to say hi, Max, at the very least. So there was that. All right, anything else? Nope. Nope. All right, so with that, I bid you adieu, and Max also, right? Yep. And DJ, you got any last words before we go?

Uh, be safe. Have fun, take care of each other, and rock.

All right. Oh, and Barbecue is still here. Oh, I'm so sad that I like closed the Cheetos. Oh, here, we'll give one, one final clink to the Cheetos for the barbecue for sticking in for the entire thing. Mom's playing. Yes, I am such a mom's planer.

To be fair, the last one only lasted 8 minutes.

You did that there. That's true. There's that. The last week I'm making up for lost time. Lost time. Lost times.

Yes.

The mom's playing. Oh, this poor boy puts up with me mom's planning all the time.

To decent effect.

I've inherited that gene.

Oops.

Wait a second. Yes. Well, you know, it is, it is important. Well, so Moo there, but these are only the crunchy ones. The ones that barbecue are going to do are the flaming ones. Right, the Flamin' Hot Ones or something? So yeah, it's all right. I would eat your Cheetos now because when we actually get to real live pictures of barbecue in his— what is it called? Not a onesie, a singlet. There we go. Um, then we may have to change that.

Oh, see, look, I've heard that from a lot of hillbillies and people that tell me not to live like them.

Live life that will provide good stories for your grandchildren.

Yeah, because the good stories are usually funny in a way that is slapstick. Okay, like Father's— like one story that he's told me, or that you've told me about Father.

Are we allowed to say this online?

It's a Halloween— it was a Halloween.

Oh yeah, no, don't say that online. Anyone who wants to know, just my friend, you have to call me for that. We're not going to do that.

Good story.

Yeah, no, we're not going to do that one. All right, so with that, again, all right. Oh, CGG3, I don't see him, so I'm just gonna say I still owe him. I need to, I need to count, like, 4 weeks ago now, how many times I say goodbye before I actually say goodbye. So anyway, all right, are we good? Yeah, good. All right, we're really leaving now. Goodbye everybody, have a