Breaking The Habit of Downplaying Our Results & Ourselves - Episode 55 w/ Coach Bryn

Could you have done more on a different night with different circumstances? Possibly, right? And it's an opportunity to review the game film and find out what would have helped you increase that number.

I'm excited for you to see this week's episode, but before we get to that, I have a message for you. If you're a parent of an elite athlete or a coach of a high-performing team and you want you're looking for some help or assistance with making them more mentally resilient, perform with more confidence, be more consistent, anything like that, then this is for you. I have an 8-week program all designed to address exactly that, to help your athlete be at their best on a more consistent basis and not get tripped up by those little voices in their head and getting down on themselves for mistakes, but performing like we know they can. So what I want you to do is don't delay, schedule a— just grab a time on my calendar through this link and let's set up a time to talk about your specific situation and how what I'm offering in my 8-week program can help. Okay, so it's Bryndresher.com/freeconsultation. So click this link, grab a time on my calendar. I look forward to talking to you. And now on to this week's episode.

Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to another episode of the Mental Advantage podcast. This is another one of your solo episodes for me, Coach Brynn, and I wanted to talk about something that I don't think we really think about. We're very unconscious about this, and these are the words only and just. Okay, so first we're going to talk about only. I find myself using this a lot, right? So we have these expectations that greatest of expectations of things, and we say we want great things, good things, awesome outcomes. But when we fall short, we find ourselves saying 'only,' right? So I'll give you an example. Uh, as you know, I went out to shoot, um, and my goal was to make 20 shots, and I only made 10. Okay, I wanted to go out and block a certain amount of you know, plays, and I only did this, right? So we find ourselves qualifying our results to almost make or appease someone else happy, to make them say like— like, not happy, and that's not the right word, but to make them feel like, hey, you know what, it didn't really work out as well as I had thought. And listen, absolutely, I understand having goals, wanting to accomplish them And when you fall short, sometimes it can be really disheartening, discouraging, and it doesn't feel that great, right? And on the other side of that, I want us to consider when we say only, okay, only this, it's almost like you're completely negating, disqualifying, ignoring the fact that you actually I did do something, right? So if my goal was 20 shots and I made 10 shots, right, then that's something. That's something to celebrate, to honor, to acknowledge at the very least. Now, if you're an average 20% shooter— I mean, 20-shot shooter— and you go out and you only put up 10, I, again, it is understandable. Hey, what happened? Maybe I need to examine what was the result of why I didn't make 10 more shots. Okay, but often sometimes our goal is 20 because we typically don't make 20, right? And we made 10, so we're looking at, you know, like we don't want to, you know, ignore that. We don't want to, you know, just completely, you know, eh, meh, it was a meh performance, right? So because we want our goals to be above where we want to be And also, we don't want every game to be the same. If you're in sports, you know, you're gonna have an average, right? Well, you're gonna have some nights where your numbers are up, you're gonna have some nights where your numbers might not be as high, um, and you're sometimes gonna have— excuse me— a bad night. Let's just be real, you're gonna have a bad night. So we want to be clear on not really, you know, feeling like we need to kind of diminish what we did just because it wasn't quite up to where we thought we would be, our number, right? So we make a number so that we do, like we strive for it, that it helps us and it pulls us to want to make that number, but we don't wanna negate or disqualify or diminish what we actually did, okay? Very important. So if you find yourself using only a lot, like, I only got 10, you know, 10 defensive stops, I only got 10 shots, I only got 10, um, you know, uh, 10 passes, 10 whatever, right? Just whatever you do in your sport, right? 10 catches. You want to be in a place where you're like, hey, that's That's great. I got 10 catches. I'm proud of the 10 that I got. I would like to do better in my next game, so I'm going to work on this. What I noticed was the reason why I didn't get more. So we don't want to say only, right? So we don't want to use those words only. If you find yourself as an athlete, um, or even as a coach saying this to your kid, why only 10 shots, right? We don't want to say only because it gets in the mind of the person to completely It's like almost saying that's not good enough. And I'm not saying it is your best. Only you know that, right? Because the goal is to go out and give your best. If you gave your best and you got 10 shots when your goal was 20, then that's the best you could have put up in that particular scenario. Could you have done more on a different night with different circumstances? Possibly, right? And it's an opportunity to review the game film and find out what would have helped you increase that number. So on the other side, we want to look at why we use words like that, and we want to be proud of it. We want to celebrate what we do. And so it's like, hey, you know, I did great things. I know I'm guilty of this at times. I find myself saying only, right, because I'm also comparing my results based on my last time, right? So I had a previous performance that I was so proud of, that was so amazing, and then the next time out I didn't have that same thing. So you want to be careful about celebrating only the highs, right? And then, um, comparing against that high, like that best game ever, because yes, you can definitely duplicate the results, and you don't— you know that every time you play It's probably not going to be like that. You're going to go, you know, you want to look at your average. So if your goals are based on your best performance ever, and then it's just like, okay, now I got to go out and I got to do better next time, and I got to do better next time, you're already setting yourself up for failure. You're setting yourself up for disappointment. So you want to be careful because that's typically where our onlys come in, right? I have my best month ever in my sport, in my business, and then I'm like, okay, great, I gotta go out and do better than that and better than that and better than that. And that can be exhausting to chase those highs all the time, and you don't want to set yourself up for that. And yes, you could do better, but you want to become a solid player that puts up good numbers consistently, not just like always wanting to improve game over game on those numbers. Now, you do want to improve game over game on, you know, your effort, your, your ability, your output. Those type of things are great. Okay, I'm not saying don't strive for that, but if that's your goal, it can be difficult and it sets you up for failure. Okay, so awesome. Now that we covered only, I think we're on the same page. So we're gonna work on not saying only anymore, right? So if you're someone that has, you know, a beginning, and this is usually because you're comparing yourself against yourself, but also because you're comparing yourself against someone else, right?. So sometimes your previous results might be what you're comparing yourself from, which is fine as a benchmark, but not so good to constantly, you know, beat yourself over the head. Like, why couldn't I produce those same results, right? Because again, different circumstances, different night, different, you know, whatever. Okay, so when you want to be mindful of, am I comparing myself against someone else, right? Like, oh, someone else has 3,000 people at their, you know, games, and I only had 20 people at my game, right? Only, right? You see how it was so fast? Just like only, only, only 2 scouts came out to see me. Only, um, you know, only, uh, uh, we only won 3 games, right? And it's like only, only, only. So we use that as a way to diminish ourselves, which makes ourselves feel bad, and it doesn't help us build that confidence. So be really mindful of what you're saying about only, okay? Because you want to be grateful for whatever you have. Whatever you have, even if it's not what you wanted, even if it's not the best results ever that you feel just so great about, you want to say like, hey, we won 3 games this season, so our goal next season is to at least do better than that, like maybe one more game. Or why did we only win 3? Why did we win 3 games? Why did we— what happened in those 3 games, right? Those 3 games. So not only 3 games, we won 3 games. Okay, we lost, you know, 10 games. Okay, what happened in those 3 games we won, and what happened in those 10 games we lost? Then study the results. We want to be neutral about our results so we can figure out and really study what happened. Okay, so I think I've covered only. I want us to work on taking the emotion out of, you know, examining our results and look at things differently and not say only. Like, hey, I am so grateful that these I'm so grateful that these amount of shots did fall. I'm so grateful that these amount of wins did happen. I'm so grateful that this amount of people came to see my games, this amount of scouts, etc., etc., etc. Okay, so now we want to move on to the other thing I want to bring up, which is just. Just, right? I'm just, you know, I'm just this, right? I'm just a point guard, I can only do so much, or I'm just a goalie, right? So sometimes we use just to also diminish ourselves, right? It's just one game, right? It's just, right? So again, we want to live in the moment. We don't want to look at everything in the long, on the zoomed out lens, and then make it and diminish it, right? Now I know there's people and coaches that'll tell you, hey, don't get so cocky, it's just one catch, right? And yes, I agree that one good moment does not make the whole game, does not make the whole season, et cetera. However, again, we don't celebrate enough. I want us to work on not just, right? I'm just the backup quarterback, right? Those type of things, using that word to diminish ourselves. Hey, you are not just. It's amazing that you— like, I think about Steve Young played behind Joe Montana. Now, I know that that's a long time ago and you may not know who they are, but Joe Montana, played for the 49ers, one of the best quarterbacks that ever was during his time. Then you got Steve Young, who became another great quarterback during his time, one of the best there ever was, who played behind him. So Steve Young, you know, could say, well, I'm just the backup quarterback, like Joe Montana is the guy, right? Or whoever plays behind Tom Brady. Here's the thing though, because you have a Steve Young behind you, you're going to play better. So So you're not just Steve Young in that moment before you become the starter. You're the guy, right? You're still the guy that's helping keep the pedal to the metal for that starter. For those, you know, for that person that you're playing behind, they know you're on their heels, you're breathing down their neck, they're getting a little bit nervous. You want that. So you wanna see yourself as greater. You wanna diminish our roles, right? And again, that comes back to the comparison game. Who are— who are— who's the person that doesn't get a 'just' in front of their name? Why is that? Because anybody could say that, right? Michael Jordan could say, 'I'm just Michael Jordan because, you know, I'm not Magic Johnson,' right? And you're like, 'What? Why would Michael Jordan ever say I'm just—' You have no idea. When someone has got a giant like a Magic, or even before Magic, a Kareem, and before Kareem, you know, there's always somebody that was greater before this great icon level that existed that we look at and we aspire to. But then we get to this place of like, well, I'm just this fat, or I've just put up these numbers, I haven't quite hit where that person did. It's not about that. You're in this race by yourself. Stay in your lane, look at your results, stay focused, and be mindful of your justs and your onlys, okay? Because they're defeating you on your way to your goals. Okay, so I know it's a quick short episode, just wanted to talk about that. You are not just anything, and you are not only anything. You are multiple things. Your results are multiple ways of looking at it. Let's stay neutral with our results, neutral with what we're doing, or get to the place of celebrating our moments, celebrating all wins, different things I've talked about before on the cast. Okay, and Just give yourself all the fuel you need by, you know, keeping to fuel our self-confidence on our way to our success. All right, thanks for watching. This has been another episode of the Mental Advantage Podcast. Please like, comment, and subscribe. Share your best moment, you know, your best thing below, or even your experience with Justin Only. And I'll