The Gratitude Effect: How To Have A Positive Outlook by shifting Focus - Episode 17 w/Coach Bryn

Welcome back to another episode of the Mental Advantage Podcast. It's your girl, Coach Brynn, and I'm bringing to you a good one today. Today I'm going to be sharing with you the number one tool to less injuries, to better performances, better relationships with your teammates as well as your coaches, and just overall better lives. People often underscore this tool that we're going to be sharing today. Just one little tweak you can make in your day-to-day life that can give you just a better life, a happier life. Who wouldn't want that? Before I release what it is, I want to talk a little bit about the general outlook of people. In our world, if you think about it, almost everybody is telling you what is wrong, what is going wrong, what could go wrong, what has gone wrong, what will go wrong. These are the different ways we seem to frame our environment. In fact, I've often had an athlete or someone say, well, isn't it better to be prepared or we've been taught, right, to be prepared for the worst. If we prepare ourselves for the worst, then we can't be caught off guard. And if you think about it, in your life, how often— I'm not saying it's never happened— how often does the worst ever happen? The worst, worst case scenario. In fact, the brain and the body is more likely to accept negative versus positive. We're very comfortable with it. In fact, I had, uh, some people at a conference I was speaking at. I asked them, I said, okay, we like to do the what-if, right? Oh my God, what if everything— like, I show up and nobody's there? What if somebody takes my wallet? What if What if somebody steals my car? What if, right? We're going through our mind, worst-case scenarios, right? If I can't find my keys, what if someone stole my keys, right? We go through all the different things. When I put to the challenge of these people, go ahead and what if positively. So if I asked you for just a moment right now to pause this video And I said, okay, play the what-if game for— I'll give it even 30 seconds. I mean, I would like to challenge you to 60, but you can go 30 or 60 seconds. I want you to pause the video. I want you to do the what-if game with me and just— what if best-case scenario? Like, I'll give you an example before you pause the video. What if everything is always working out for me? What if my crush likes me? What if I get that contract? What if I make that team? What if my teammates really respect me? What if we win the game? What if I score the winning goal? What if I land that really important trick I've been working on? What if? Right? So that's an example where you just what-if best and better case scenarios for 30 to 60 seconds. Go ahead, pause the video and do it now. All right, you're back. How was that? Tell me, how was it? I have a feeling. Now, I know you can't talk to me, but I have a feeling since you're watching this on a recording I have a feeling that that was actually more difficult. If I had had you say, what if, and then all the worst-case scenario things— what if the ceiling fell in right now? What if the recording stopped on this video? What if, right? Maybe it would be easier for me to go negative than to go positive. Why is that? It is almost as if he humans, or we have these brains that predispose us to avoiding pain rather than seeking pleasure. And we've all seen that. And there is some psychology that says that's the case. Now, Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, says no, actually, people really do want happiness. And that is true. But for some reason, sometimes happiness or good things happening to people Seems very pie in the sky, not gonna happen, rare. You're more likely to have bad rather than good. Hmm. Is that true or is that how we are conditioned? It's 7 times more powerful. It is proven that negativity has more power in— this is what people think. Negative— the brain takes more negativity than it can take positivity, but that has to do, I argue, I put to you, possibly with conditioning and practice. I am better at skewing negative, or we are better at skewing negative, because that is how we've been practicing. I talk all the time about getting your reps in, right? We talked on the confidence episode about it's all about getting your reps in. I'm gonna be more confident in something the more practice I have in it. So if I'm more likely to be pointing out the negatives in my world, I'm going to be really good at spotting it. We all know about the reticular activating system, and so— and if you don't know, let me give you an example. If you've ever wanted to buy a car, you've ever wanted to, uh, you're looking for a certain type of something, all of a sudden This weekend I was on the road, and I swear it felt like everyone was driving a Porsche, and it was like Porsches everywhere. But then I started to notice them because I was clued in on the Porsche. So what happens with our brain is it's processing all this data. Our brains are the biggest computers that we possibly have, but as we start to show our brain what we focus on or want to filter, the brain shows us more of it. So the reticular activating system likes to hone in and says, oh, you like green cars? Then all of a sudden it's like, is every car green? Now, the same amount of green cars may have been there the day before, but until you decided it was important, it wasn't something that you noticed. Your brain is actually taking in everything, but it can't possibly focus on everything, so it has to filter down what you are going to be— what's going to keep you safe, what's going to keep you alive, what's going to make sure you drink and you're, you know, all these different things, drink water, eat food. It's going to focus on what's important. So back to the thing about this episode, we want to help our reticular activating system, our brain, our mind because we want to tame our mind and not skew so negative. They have found that people that think more negatively or have more cynicism or, um, are, are less— are cynical, whatever the case is— that they are more likely to have certain health events, even all the way up to dementia. So that's interesting. So if I could teach you something on how to change your mind from negative to positive, this number one tool, how it can help you make that shift, make a small shift from negative to positive thinking. Now, this is not the same as a Pollyanna thing of just like everything is wonderful all the time. In every life, rain must fall. And what I mean is there's going to be cloudy days. But the interesting thing about cloudy days is the sun is still shining high above that cloud cover. The sun never stops shining. So once we recognize that even in the midst of a cloudy day, a storm, even some of the worst natural disasters, the sun is always there. So this tool is just something to help remind you to think more positive. So they did— this tool is what? Gratitude. Gratitude. I know you might be thinking, that's not that sexy. I don't understand why you made me wait so long to hear that. That— yeah, gratitude. Yeah, I'm grateful. I always tell people I'm grateful for them. I share it with my family. I'm so grateful for my family. Question: When was the last time you gave thanks for a pen? Oh, I mean, why would I give thanks for a pen? You might be thinking. No, this is a good point. This is a good point. It is a very small, minute thing, but I wouldn't be able to take notes if I didn't have a pen or at least, you know, write down certain things. Be more organized. There's a lot of great reasons for giving, you know, for the value of a pen. But the thing is, we miss what to be grateful for. What to be grateful for. So one of the things I said was to better relationships, better performance. One of the things that's really important, especially for athletes and even a high performer such as yourself who's watching this podcast, you actually have more potential when you think more positively. More potential when you think more positively, because what it does is it widens— positivity widens your perspective, negativity narrows it. So when you see negative worldview, it almost feels like there's only one option. There's only bad, there's only terrible, there's only worse. When you have a more positive perspective, you see more possibilities. So if I'm a point guard, for example, or a soccer player, a forward, I'm going to see far more options on the field, on the court, if I'm thinking more positively. Like, when I pass this ball to my teammate, they're gonna have this amazing, you know, drive towards the net, whether it be soccer or basketball, and it's gonna be a shoe-in for a goal or a slam dunk or a point or whatever the case is, versus, oh my God, what if I mess this up? This is going to be terrible. And then if I pass it to my teammate and they miss, ah, everyone's watching, right? So the thing about negativity is it does have a momentum. And as I said, a more powerful momentum, 7 times more powerful in our minds because our mind is trying to grip onto it. So we start to snowball. So one of the ways to have better performances is just to think more positively. Okay, that is the power of positive thinking. It actually gives you a wider view. But positive thinking, like I said, gets a bad rap because everybody's thinking, well, you're saying like, you know, I should just be happy when everything's going terrible in my life. No, I'm not. As I said, there's going to be bad things. One of the sayings that I've said before is pain is inevitable. But suffering is optional. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. So all that means is you have the opportunity to think, you know, see things for what they are. You know, I'm having a bad day, I'm having a moment, things are not all rosy and sunshine over here all the time because there's some clouds in the way of that sun that is preventing me from seeing that sun. But ultimately If I keep in the back of my mind knowing that the sun is there, maybe I can find something positive to focus on. And gratitude is a great way to help you. The last, uh, the other thing I want to say is better relationships. The more that you show appreciation for your teammates, the more that you notice and recognize what good they are bringing to the relationship, the team, the atmosphere, the environment, the more likely they are to want to play better with you and for you, especially if you're a captain or a leader or the coach. We often don't give enough gratitude or thought or thankfulness for our teammates. How could you focus in on your teammate? And then lastly, injuries. People who experience more injuries and more health incidences usually are negative thinkers. Look it up, there's science for this. If you want to stay injury-free, or at least less likely to experience an injury, of course, work out, do the things, stretch, follow the warm-up procedure. But gratitude is a great way to stretch that muscle as well. Okay, because if you're thinking about all the worst-case scenario things that could happen, most likely an injury is going to be on that list. If you think more positively, more possibility, suddenly it widens the view. So I want to tell you, I, I promised you at the beginning, um, that I want to tell you about the exercise that I give my athletes. And this is the challenge I want to give to you. I hope you're game for it. I know we played the what-if game at the beginning, and I hope you found that fun. And I totally recommend that you continue that. Although, as I said, you have to be okay with it being difficult for you because it's foreign. It's not something you do on a regular basis. Again, if I had you play the what-if worst-case scenario game, you'd win the prize. You know that you would be able to do it. But yet, if I have you say, what if everything was, you know, things worked out for me. Life is always, you know, hanging, you know, panning out in my favor or whatever. Suddenly it changes. So it's like a muscle, right? You wouldn't— when you go into the gym the first day you work on your biceps, you do not curl the heaviest weight in the gym. You have to start with something lighter and build up your muscle over time, your endurance. And that is going to develop you into a person with a stronger bicep. Well, similarly, that's what this gratitude exercise is all about. So you're going to need a pen. Remember I mentioned giving gratitude for the pen? I'm so grateful I have a pen to show you. And you're going to need a notebook, just something to write in. I know you have a mobile device, you have an iPad, you have this fabulous computer that you can take these in, but there's no substitute for the power of the pen to the page. So my advice, do this with a pen and paper. I'm going to challenge you every day to give gratitude for 3 things. Now you're probably thinking, 3 things, that's easy. I'm grateful for my family. I'm grateful for, you know, food. I'm grateful for, you know, my job. And I'm grateful for my, my, my, my, my friends., right? So usually people think the first 3 things they think is usually involving loved ones, uh, you know, something big in their life, and then also, uh, you know, the more loved ones, right? So I'm grateful for my family, I'm grateful for my friends, and I'm grateful for my job, right? Those are 3 very good things to be grateful for. What I challenge my athletes to do, because I need to recalibrate their mind around noticing what's good here. That's the question you're going to start to ask yourself. What's good here? So even in the midst of your rainstorm, your cloudy day, I want you to work on noticing what's good here. But rather than start when things are bad or tough, because that's like picking up that heavy weight on the first day and trying to lift it and then wondering why your arms— you can't raise your arms the next day. We want to start with a practice when there's really— we're kind of in neutral territory, or maybe life is just going how it's going, right? So I want you to write 3 things you're grateful for every day. However, here's the challenge I put to my athletes that I'm going to put to you. You cannot repeat what you give gratitude for in those 3 things. So if you're like most people and you give gratitude for your family, your job, and your friends, you can't give gratitude for them again in that list of 3. Really? But that's not fair. But I am grateful for them. I don't want to just stop being grateful for them. I didn't say stop being grateful for them. You are welcome to get extra credit. So you can do in number 4, 5, and 6, you can give gratitude for those really important things if you want to give gratitude to them every day. You can do that, but I'm going to challenge you to give gratitude for something different in that list of 3 every single day. Now, I will be honest with you, a lot of my athletes struggle with this exercise initially because they say, "Coach, I couldn't think of anything. Like, I ran out of things. Like, it's really hard." Because I'm telling them that from the time I begin my 8-week program to the time we end, you should have a journal full of things to be grateful for. I like you to do this in the morning when you first wake up, and then you can review it as you're going to bed and start all over again the next day. But every day, 3 things, really easy for me, right? Well, why do they get challenged with that? Because they're thinking too big. Once I give gratitude for my family member and, uh, my friends and my job, I don't know what else to give gratitude. So this is— okay, fine, I'll— you— I said my family, so I'm gonna say my mom and then my dad the next day and then my grandma the next day. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't want you to necessarily break it down per family member, although you can do that if you don't want to blow the family on the first day. But rather than always make it people, which absolutely please be grateful for the people in your life, think of all the things you never give gratitude for, like our handy-dandy friend here again, the pen, the microphone I'm recording this with, the camera that is— I'm looking at, the computer that is grabbing this information, the window I get to look out when I record. The chair that supports me so that I can do this, the glasses that keep the glare off the lens from hurting my eyes, right? The fact that I can move my arms and I have that good health going on, that I have food in the refrigerator, that I get to read amazing books, right? So the list goes on and on. So I tell people to actually think more granularly. Not so big all the time. Because when you think about it, you should not ever run out of things to be grateful for. When's the last time you gave gratitude for clean air? I'll tell you one thing, people who live in not so great environments who suddenly had a day of clean air, I bet you they give gratitude for it. We sometimes take things for granted. I want you to work on giving gratitude on it for the small things, like the pen, the paper, the charger, the, the, the ceiling above your head, the window you get to look out of, the comforter, the down in your comforter that makes it so comfortable, your amazing pillowcase that keeps your hair protected if it happens to be a satin pillowcase, or a nice silk pillowcase, the hair bonnet or the head wrap you put on your head at night to keep your waves in check or to, you know, keep your hairstyle protected. There's so many things. When's the last time you gave gratitude for your tires? When's the last time you gave gratitude for your accelerator? I know, I know you're thinking that's silly, but it just goes to show if you were having a challenging day, how many things even in the midst like, you know, you're going through a breakup, something terrible happened, you lost the game, um, you know, even dare I say, you know, in my case, uh, years ago I lost my mother. But even in the midst of that, I could be grateful for all of the support that was shown me as I went through that, all of the memories that I have with her. I'm grateful for who she's— I've turned out to be as a result. So I, I only give that as an example is if this recalibrates your mind to start to focus on what's good here. Oh my gosh, I see this, I see this, I see this. Suddenly it starts to point out, and then you can change that pendulum swing to the more positive side to see more possibility versus feeling boxed in by negativity and negative outcomes. I promise you, over time— now this is again a process— you are not going to focus more positively in general. They did a study and they found that people who wrote a gratitude letter every day for 30 days to someone they cared about or to about something in their life, they just had happier lives, they were healthier, and they were more successful. Gratitude will yield you increase. I don't know in what capacity, I cannot guarantee that, but I guarantee you this: you will see a better situation at the end of doing this. For— I do it for 8 weeks with my athletes. Of course, I want them to continue this practice long after they're done coaching with me. This is something that is a component of a happier, healthier life. So 30 days or 30 reps or however many, because remember, it's not about how long, it's about how many. How many days can you string together where you don't run out of things to be grateful for? Write a comment below this video wherever you're watching it or listening to it and tell me how this was for you. Come back after 7 days. Come back after 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years, and tell me what was your experience from incorporating a gratitude practice in and how it changed your brain. I've had several of my D1 athletes and top-tier athletes tell me that it just got them to think better. It got them to be more clear. To see what was good, to not feel like the world was against them, or to feel like they could appreciate their teammates for different ways, things they hadn't noticed before. Like, I appreciate that every day Emma comes into practice, she makes us laugh. That's a strength of Emma's that I didn't notice before because I was too busy focusing on what Emma wasn't doing. And that also, by being able to have that connection with Emma, I'm going to get a better performance out of Emma because Because now I'm seeing what's good about Emma. I'm highlighting what she brings to the team versus what I feel she should be doing, or whatever the case is. So just to recap, the better you think, the better your outcomes. If you can incorporate a gratitude practice of writing 3 things a day, some without ever duplicating, then you are going to be stretching that positivity muscle to the point of actually making better decisions, better choices, and having better outcomes. You're going to have less injuries because you're, because you're going to be looking for the good. You're going to be trusting your body more. You're going to have better relationships with your teammates. We've already just talked about the Emma situation. And you can have better performances because it widens your scope and gives you a better look at the field of possibilities. I really do want to know about how this gratitude practice worked for you, so make sure you tell me. I want you to use this because this is what I start every athlete with. And so if you're not— if you don't have a regular gratitude practice, you need to get on it right now. Okay, thank you for watching this episode of the Mental Advantage Podcast. Please share this episode, like, comment, and subscribe. Um, we so enjoy you. We definitely have you back with some another powerful interview next week. Thank you for watching. See you next time.