In this YouTube dialogue, a parenting expert from My Parenting Solutions (Speaker A) and a co‑host (Speaker B) discuss practical ways parents can nurture confidence in their children. They stress the importance of accepting each child’s natural temperament rather than trying to reshape it, and highlight that parents’ own confidence and self‑modeling are powerful influences. Specific techniques include sharing personal stories of overcoming shyness, giving detailed, action‑focused praise instead of generic compliments, and assigning small, achievable tasks that stretch a child’s comfort zone. The conversation also connects parental attitudes toward food, body image, and self‑criticism to children’s self‑esteem, recommending parents practice self‑compassion and model positive language. A family habit of ending meals with a “glass‑half‑full” reflection on the day’s positives is suggested to reinforce a supportive environment. Throughout, the speakers blend personal anecdotes, mental‑health awareness, and concrete parenting tools to provide a holistic approach to building child confidence.
Chapters
So excited. I mean, I just think this is such an interesting topic for all of us as parents. So, um, yeah, I'm in My Parenting Solutions and I work with parents with my video courses and, and private consultations, just helping, um, well, lots of different things. But, you know, today we're here to talk about how to help them be more confident. And I think you might have a couple of questions for me.
I have, absolutely. So I guess just to say, it's Children's Mental Health Week this week, isn't it? Yes. And, you know, I might be in feeding and you might be in parenting, but actually this is really important for both of us, isn't it?
Yeah.
So hence why we decided to get together today and do this session.
Exactly.
I do have some questions. You're all right if I just start?
Yeah, just dive in. And then, you know, as always, you know, it's lovely to get that kind of backwards and forwards with your input too.
Yeah, brilliant. So the first one we've got is, um, I don't want my child to be like me. It took me years to build my confidence and I still lack it.
What can I do? Um, it's such a great question. I think, you know, parents will often feel so guilty, like, am I getting it right? You know, I don't want to make them, you know, I don't want them to be like me. And I think, I mean, what I will always say to parents is They are little sponges. Yes. So all the while you can work on your own confidence, that's going to make a really big difference to your child. Now they have slightly different temperaments to us. Well, often they have quite different temperaments to us. So, you know, some— I think some children are naturally more confident and more extrovert and outgoing, and others, others are less so. So I guess I'd say two things. One is that we have to parent the child that we have. So if we've got one— not the one we want, we have— so, you know, if we've got a child that, say, you know, you take them to a party and they don't want to run in, and they're not sort of, you know, straight on the bouncy castle or straight into the games, or if there's an entertainer, you know, putting their hand up to come up to the front. Yeah, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong. That just means that your child is that bit more reticent. So, so, you know, don't try and make them into something that they aren't. So yeah, I would say work on your own confidence and also sort of voice that, like, tell them about things that you tried that you found hard. Yeah, yeah, because I think then they, you know, they understand it's not necessarily just an innate thing, but you can always work on things and change. So you could perhaps share from your own childhood, you know, I used to find it hard to go to parties, but what I used to do is have a special way of saying goodbye to my mummy, and then she'd like wave and I'd run in. So you can share that and maybe kind of make it up a little bit. And also just little ways— I mean, there are— we know so much more now about mental health, and we know so much more about, you know, ways children— the ideas many years ago needing to raise children's self-esteem, it just wasn't thought of. But, you know, we really can, we really can have an impact on how they feel about themselves, no matter, you know, like, given the child that you've got. So you can definitely help. So you say you've got that child that's that little bit more reticent, you can definitely help give them some tools and some strategies to push themselves a little bit more. And also how you praise them is just is so key. Because if you say, oh, you're great, it means nothing to them. If you say, you know, just, oh look, just go in, like, you know, just put your hand up, or, you know, offer to help, that just, you know, because you're great, that just doesn't mean anything to them.
It's a bit big, isn't it, to do something like that?
It's too generalised. But if you know that there's something that— say they're shy to join in a game, for example. So what you want to do is praise them for all the attributes that they have, like, you know, you'll— when you said hello to your friend Jenny in the playground, that was really friendly. She really liked that. So you're getting them to see that they are able to be friendly. When you went up to pay in the cafe, you know, I always encourage parents to set little tasks. So, you know, you took the money and you handed it in, or my card now, it's more about tapping, isn't it? And, you know, that was very brave of you.
So drawing on real-life experiences that are tangible, that they can remember. Yes, yes, yes.
So then they perceive themselves as that bit more able. So yeah, I guess it's a kind of a combination. Accept the child you've got, work on yourself and your own, and talk to them about that. Talk to them about the things that you've done that you found hard. Perhaps share from your own childhood, and praise those details of their things they do combined with a quality, and that can really help.
Yeah, brilliant. And I love what you said about working on your own self as well, because— so I get a very, very similar question, but from parents who— around feeding, and sometimes around their own body shape and size, and they're unhappy with that. And what it is, is they just don't want to pass that on to their children, but they just don't know how to make sure that that doesn't happen. Yes. And very much so, a lot of the time I talk about looking inwardly and looking at how they interact around food, how they talk about food, how they were parented around food when they were children. You know, were they a member of the Clean Your Plate Club?
Yeah.
And they're passing that on to their own children. So, you know, really just taking a step back and looking inwards a little bit to to just observe. So it's not about pointing blame or pointing fingers or anything like that. It's just an awareness. And I guess once you've got an awareness, then you can start to look at how you might change things for the better.
Yes. And actually, just drawing on what you're saying, you know, I'd say to parents, so often we're putting ourselves down. Yeah. Oh, I haven't done this. Oh God, I'm useless at that. Oh no, she's so much better than me. And And it would be just rather than, like you say, not beating yourself up for doing that, but more thinking about, okay, well, what could I model for my child that I have done today? Do you know what? I managed to tick 3 things off my list rather than I've got 3 left. You know, they're kind of a bit more the glass half full and just voicing that.
It is. It's about being positive, isn't it? And one of the things that we do in our family Sorry, I'm just putting the light on, it's gone a bit dark. At the dinner table, we'll just say, oh, you know, what good thing happened? What was your best thing about today? So just really drawing on the positives. Yeah, just, you're right, it just lifts the mood from glass half empty to glass half full, doesn't it?
It does, it does. And it's such small things because we tend to evaluate the day with a bit, you know, a moan, like what went wrong? Is that, you know, that little dog?
My dog's just knocked on my front door. Bear with me a second, I'm just going to let the dog out so he doesn't bark.
I know, I have exactly the same thing. That's so funny. This is a really similar dog to mine as well. There we go, that's real life, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you know, we're kind of, um, our brains are wired to notice the danger and the bad, but we have to really change that. And make a real conscious effort to talk about the small things that went well. And that— and kids really suck that up, you know, they really notice it.
