The Secrets to Managing Tantrums, Meltdowns and Misbehaviour Feb 21

Hello, I think I am on air and I'm just on a little bit early to welcome anybody who has joined punctually. I think I will see if you've started to join, but what I'd love you to do in the chat box— I'm just going to write a little message for you in the chat box, which is to— whoops, get my little bits of paper on— say hi and where you are from, and also maybe ages of kids. There we go. I'm going to post that in the chat box. So I've got quite a few people joined already, and it would be lovely to hear from you. So I've got a Luciana. Hi, Luciana. Where are you from and how many kids do you have? So sometimes it's a little bit slow for me to come through in this wretched chatbot, but I've certainly got Luciana. I've got a few more. Rosalia from Dublin. Hello. Lovely. It's— I often get people from all over the world. Belfast. Fantastic. And, um, there, that's just so exciting to, to know that I'm here in London and, um, other people are anywhere in the world. I think the one, one thing that we have got to grips with, with this horrible, uh, last 20, uh, 12 months, uh, is that we're all a lot more used to doing things online and, and joining webinar masterclasses like this. And, you know, that's made the world much smaller, which is a good thing, even though I know that there have been all kinds of difficult and bad things. And I just wanted to check whether my microphone— yeah, I think my microphone is on. So we've got West Midlands, Bristol, someone is in London like me, another one from Bristol, maybe you recommended each other. Surrey with a 5-year-old. Brilliant. Okay. Gloucester, age 6 and 4. Excellent. Good to know that this is not just for toddlers. Sometimes we associate the word tantrum with a toddler, and this is not just for toddlers. Tantrums can occur with children of all ages, and I've even seen my teenagers have little tantrums sometimes. So it is, you know, please don't feel if you have a child that's having tantrum-y type behaviour and they're much older than a toddler, that you're, you know, you've got something bad going on. It's not at all uncommon. And I've got some ideas for you. Also, this isn't just about tantrums. It's a good sort of catch-all, but it's really about all the different forms of misbehaviour, or what I also like to call challenging behaviour. So, um, we've got a lot to cover. I hope you've managed to print out— if you have a printer, I hope you've managed to print out your workbook, uh, because it— this is going to be interactive, and I will ask you— suggest that you jot some notes down for yourself. So, um, if you haven't managed to do that or you don't have a printer, then just grab a piece of paper and make notes for yourself. And in just one minute, I'm going to start the proper presentation. But it's lovely of people that people have joined in nice and punctual and from, like I say, from all over. And we will— somebody mentioned autism. These techniques work extremely well across the board with children on the spectrum, and children who aren't on the spectrum, because it's some just really good principles for positive parenting. And it's not specific for children with any specific disorders, but it is very, very helpful for just managing those challenges. And if you have more challenges with a child on the spectrum, you just got to apply them more stringently. So, I'm going to start now. Just make sure I get the correct presentation. Great. Okay, so it is dead on time, and I am Camilla McGill, and I'm thrilled to have so many of you on with me already to learn about the secrets to managing tantrums, meltdowns, and misbehavior. So we've got a busy approximately an hour. Hold on to your hats, I will go fast. And my aim is for you to get real value from this and take something away that you like, some wins, something that you think, yeah, I really have decided I'm going to make some changes. So that's my aim for you. A hugely warm welcome. If you've only just joined, do put where you're from in the chat box. I will from time to time be taking a drink of water because I find this very thirsty work, and you might want to do the same, but you obviously won't be talking. So without any further delay, I just want to tell you about the goal of our time together. So I am here to show you powerful principles to avoid or manage poor behaviour, and that's without resorting to shouting or threats or bribes. We'll talk about that as we go along. But these are very powerful principles. And I want you to take this time for yourself. If you are tempted to multitask, I would suggest that you stop and really just use this hour for us to have time together. It's Sunday night. I know that you might have other things that you want to do, but I would really recommend that you take this time out and you switch off your distractions. So that's my recommendation. So what I'm going to do is just switch my camera off now so that you've got full screen of the slides that I want to show you. I'll pop it on from time to time, and, and do, if you've joined just recently, pop in the chat box where you're from and the, and the ages of your children. And as you've seen, we've got some age ranges here, which is perfect. So this is for you if you are open to new ideas, because I will be talking to you about new ideas, and if you've got an open mind, then you're going to find you're going to get value from it. And, and what I'll be asking you frequently is to give me a yes in the chat box, write some other things I might suggest that you— words that I've underlined that you write in the chat box. The The more you get involved with this, the more you're going to remember and take home with you— I will take away with you. I suspect you are at home. Okay, so this is for you if you want to avoid the battles. So if you fancy avoiding the battles that you have, perhaps not always, but have found you've been having with your children, then just stick 'avoid battles' in the chat box for for me, and then I know whether I'm hitting the spot for you. And if you want your children to listen to you, what I get frequently— I don't know if any of you follow me on Instagram, but I get, uh, I make loads of posts and reels and all kinds of things and ask questions and get asked questions— and this is one that comes up an awful lot, is parents wanting to know how to get their child to listen without resorting to shouts or threats. So if that's you, then stick 'avoid battles' or 'listen' in the chat box, and then we'll all know what you're facing with. So yeah, I've got lots of people saying already 'avoid battles,' and I suspect there's going to be some wanting or just 'listen' coming up, because I know how frustrating that is as a parent. And this is for you if you want to enjoy your children more, if you want to spend more time enjoying your children and less time nagging at them and shouting at them. So if you'd like more joy— so we've got loads of 'listening and avoid battles.' If you'd like more joy, stick me a 'joy' in the chat box, because really, why did we have children to shout? We didn't. So let's write joy in the chat box. And if you— this is going to be for you if you want to improve and you want to learn, then listen up because you will learn from tonight. So let's hear joy in the chat box and improve and learn. Great. Okay, I've got already got lots of joys in the chat box. So who is having— one of the reasons we have less joy than we want to with our children is because we face these kind of challenges. We face things like rudeness, screaming, fighting, aggression to us or aggression to other children. I hear, I get parents writing to me, messaging me on Instagram saying their child's getting angry and is attacking them. They might be shouting at you for things that they want. They may be having a bit of attitude. Has anybody got that? You know, often it'd be known as a teenager, but it could be at another age. You know, just things that you feel are disrespectful to you, kind of "why should I's." 'You can't make me,' those kind of things. The— what else do we hear? Whining, moaning, complaining, screaming. We've already— it's already there. So if some of these are your challenges, there is no shame about this. Please don't feel that you're a bad parent. I am not about making you feel bad about yourself. I'm here to make you feel that things are possible, to have you make a decision that you want to do things differently. But I'm not saying you're bad if you're getting these kind of behaviours. So let's hear in the chat box from you the kind of things that you're facing. Is it some of the things on this list? So stick them there for us so we know— you'll know that you're not alone, and I know the kind of things you're facing. Maybe you've got a child who's known as the bad one or the naughty one. Maybe that's by you at home. I don't know if some of you found that— find if you've got more than one child, that one's more difficult than another. And that can very easily happen, and we certainly found that. And I'm going to tell you a bit more about that in a minute. Or maybe they're labeled that in their school or nursery environment, and they're getting a bad name for themselves. So that might be some of the things you're facing. So I've got defiance, aggression, rudeness, tantrums. Yeah. And so see how many people are experiencing these things. Attitude. Little one defiant, screaming, attitude, anger. It's really hard. It's really, really tough when your child is behaving like this. But listen up because I'm going to show you that there is another way The other thing you might be is you may be here because you want to learn. So if that's you and you think, 'I haven't quite faced this yet, but I want to learn,' because believe me, children change quite fast. And we found that, you know, you can go from a sweet, happy, cuddly, friendly little 2-year-old to a really difficult and defiant 3-year-old, or it might be another age, age jump. But it can happen. So be prepared if you haven't had this yet. It comes. So who's having these challenges? Unpredictable tantrums and meltdowns. Anyone got that? You know, just seems to come from nowhere. Like one minute they're fine and the next minute you go to get their— you tell them they've got to get their shoes on and they have an absolute meltdown about it, even though that is something that you you know, they should know that they need to do, you might have a meltdown about it. So holding breath, crying— I've got lots of people telling me that they are experiencing these kind of things. And if you've just joined, you'll learn that it's a very interactive training, and the more you stick in the, in the chat box there, the more you're going to get out of it. So here's what I want to show you through this webinar: that being a compassionate parent is the most effective way of bringing out the best in your child and getting connection and cooperation. And from that connection and cooperation, you get better behaviour. But I'm going to show you why, how I mean that, and why I mean that. So I'm going to just stick my camera back on in case some of you weren't there at the beginning. So I'm Camilla, Camilla McGill. I suspect you know that because you'd have had quite a lot of emails from me, and I'm really passionate about parenting. I absolutely love the work that I do, and nothing gives me more pleasure than to give a parent some tools and inspiration to be better than they are without beating themselves up about the things that they've been doing already. I'm a parent educator, and I have been that for 20 years. I have my company, My Parenting Solutions. I've worked with thousands of parents over the years, and I get the most wonderful messages and feedback and, and have the most amazing conversations with parents so thankful for, for the help that I've given them. I'm also— so I've studied, I've researched parents. I learn a huge amount from the parents that I work with. They may come up with some really amazing creative ideas that I hadn't thought of. And I'm also a mother of 4. Being a mother of 4 has informed so much of what I do, and I will always tell parents that I am not a perfect parent by any means. I've made loads of mistakes, and part of why I love this work is that I can help you avoid some of the mistakes that I've made. So, you know, circumnavigate things, um, help, help get progress quicker than I did, because I've been there ahead of you, and that's what I love to do, is, is to, is to teach you and show you what's possible. So here's my family, and I will switch this camera off for a sec now. I have 4 children, as I've just mentioned, so my family consists of Nico and Felix, who are my older 2 boys, and there they were on a summer holiday looking very cute on a little horse. And there are my girls, the two younger ones, Scarlett and Alice. And there they were on a, on a ride in the park somewhere. And here they are on the right now. So they're— well, this was last summer actually, but they range between 16— Alice is 16 and Nico's 23. So, you know, across the range. And like I say, I've— they have taught me so much. So what is unique about what I teach is that I believe, and I have an enormous amount of experience in, the fact that parenting with compassion combined with firm boundaries and tough love is what I feel makes the biggest difference to your parenting. And if this sounds like, you know, yeah, this really fits with what I want, for parenting, give me a yes with an exclamation mark in the chat box. So if you want to parent with compassion and with firm boundaries and tough love, give me a yes in the chat box. And when I say tough love, what I mean is it's not about being nasty, but it's not necessarily always needing to be your child's friend. It may be that you need to make some decisions that they won't like or they'll get upset about, and they'll say, 'I don't like you,' or even, 'I don't love you.' But that just means that you're holding the boundaries sometimes, because we have the wisdom, and that's why we need our children to listen to us. And I'm going to explain how you can do that. But, um, so I've got loads of people that want this, because if this isn't for you, if you don't think that parenting with compassion combined with firm boundaries and tough love, then, then maybe you, you want to hop off because, um, this is what I'm about. But I want to tell you about what's known in our family now as that fateful holiday. So, um, it's 2005, it's May 2005, and we've been invited on holiday with some friends of ours who have 3 children who are roughly the same age as our older 3. Except we have Alice who's a baby. So we have Alice who's a baby, Scarlett who was 2, Felix who's pictured there who looks like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth, he was 4, and Nico was 6, nearly 7. And we thought it was great, you know, how nice will that be to, to trundle off to France, to have space in the garden of the house that we were staying with, and for the children to play together. It sounded like a good idea, except it really wasn't. And if you see this picture here, I want you to pick out the one that's looking miserable. Well, guess who it was? It was Felix. And not only does he look miserable, but he made our life on that holiday really pretty miserable. So how did that manifest? What he would do is he would be a bad sport. So the other kids, and particularly, you know, their 3 kids who seemed to us to be so much better behaved than ours, well, and particularly than Felix, he would interfere with games. He would knock things over. There was a paddling pool. He might get in the paddling pool and then refuse to let anyone else in, or they might be in the paddling pool and he'd sort of throw some toys in or push somebody in who wasn't in the paddling pool. He didn't like the food, so he'd complain really loudly about the food, or he'd get down from the table and say, "I'm not eating this." And Paul, my husband, and I became more and more embarrassed about it. And we just, we felt ashamed of how he was behaving, and particularly in comparison to their children. I don't know if you've ever had that, but have you ever found that your child's the one really misbehaving and you just feel awful in front of other parents? Well, that was us. And coupled with the fact I was already a teacher of parenting at this point, and yet I hadn't known how to reach my child to help address that kind of behavior that we saw. He was— he knew that they were disparaging of him. He knew that, that our friends felt irritated by him, frankly, and I don't blame them. But I don't know if you've ever found this, but children will often behave worse when they are around other parents. So one day we go to the beach, and we had a sort of half nice day on the beach with him. On the way there, we had allowed Felix to sit in the middle seat the car. We'd borrowed my brother's SUV Volvo, and the kids were pretty excited about it, but they liked the middle seats. So it was his turn to sit in the front seat of the car— middle seat of the car— and, um, on the way there. But on the way back, it was his turn to swap with his brother, and he was to go in the back. And as we approached the car, he started screaming at me, 'I'm going in the middle seat!' 'You can't make me!' 'No!' he was shouting. 'Get off me! Leave me alone!' And our friends were parked close by and were witnessing all this. Of course, their children were in their seats, all strapped in nicely, and Felix was just really, really kicking off. I felt flustered, I felt embarrassed, I felt hot and sweaty, and frankly, I felt really angry at him. I grabbed his arm. I don't know if you've done this, but I pinched it a bit too hard. And I said, look, you're just getting in the seat because I've had enough of this. We've all had enough of this. And we were in a hurry because we were meeting some friends back at the house, but we didn't have sat nav in those days, so we couldn't let our friends go off. We needed to follow them on the way. So there I am trying to get this, this child who's flailing around screaming and scratching at me into the car, and I'm being observed by our friends. I'm going to tell you shortly what happened next, but first of all, I want you to stick around so that you hear more about how you can take action with your children in a different way. And you'll see how I took action with Felix in a different way. And what the result was. So who feels like this? You're constantly nagging and repeating yourself to get your child to do something. If you've just joined, stick that in the chat box if that's you. You feel like you just nag and nag, or you get— your voice gets louder and louder. You sometimes, like I did, you feel powerless You don't know what to do in situations. Sometimes it feels like nothing works. Maybe you're worried that you're getting it all wrong, or you really just want to get it right. So we've got people saying, you know, all the time, friends' kids are feeling— seem to be so much better behaved in public. People wanting to feel more in control of the situation. So Stick me a nag if you feel like, yeah, I've got some nags. Do you feel powerless sometimes? Just like this little child is ruling the roost, um, and running circles around us. Um, it feels like you've tried everything and nothing works, and you're worried perhaps that you're doing damage to your child, or maybe that you're just getting it all wrong, or you want to get it right. Yeah, okay, so What are the kind of issues that you're dealing with? Is there anything specific? Is it around— I'm just going to take a little drink of water. Sometimes that can be around a mealtime. Sometimes it can be around bedtime that you're having issues. Sometimes it can be around getting out of the house, or it could be around just following an instruction. Things like tidying up toys, brushing teeth. Are these the kind of— feel like you're repeating yourself and feeling powerless? Yeah. Haley, tell me any situations that you find that you're dealing with this kind of situation with, because that helps me. I might use it as running off in the park. Yeah. And you've asked them nicely and they run off. So stick in any other issues and situations that you're dealing with. Get meal times and bed times. I've got to stick around till the end because there's an extra bonus I want to tell you about, about meal times. It's so great, I'm so excited about it. Getting dressed, leaving the house. Okay, loads, loads of people. And you'll probably find that you're, you know, the tidy up time. Great. Okay, washing hands and tidying toys. Okay, so I'd, what I'd love you to do is imagine what it would feel like to address these situations successfully with compassion and consistency and firm boundaries, so that you don't need to nag and shout. So that you do get these situations of getting dressed and following instructions, you do get them going smoothly, and you don't have the battles with your children anymore. Just imagine what life would be like. How much more energy would you have? How much more joy would you get from your children? How much more would you feel that closeness to them? Because children can really, really drive us mad. And I know at times we just feel like, of course we love them, but we really don't want to be around them. We don't like them at this point. When we feel like we're having to nag them and, and shout at them. So just imagine for a moment how life would be, how much more energy and time you would have if you could parent with compassion, consistency, and firm boundaries. So I want to tell you about my compassion and cooperation matrix. So grab your booklet that you hopefully you've printed out, or grab a piece of paper, and along the x-axis at the bottom you can write— you've got already, I think you've got written low to high, but in the middle you can write your connection and compassion with your child. So we've got low on the left and high on the right. On the y-axis low at the bottom, high at the top. We've got children's levels of cooperation. So that's the, your, the compassion and cooperation axis. And I'm going to tell you about what happens when you have low connection and compassion and consequently low cooperation. So you might want to think about some of the times that you've written here in the chat box there. The eating lunch or the eating dinner, running around the house, we've got dropping to the floor if they don't get their way, things like brushing teeth or getting dressed. Okay, so when we have reached the point where we're really fed up with this, we'll often lose our connection with our child. And what we will often do in this point, in this quadrant, is we'll tell them off, we'll shout at them, and we might make hollow threats that they know we're not going to follow through on. Like, 'Right, you know, right, that's it, no more TV for you ever.' We might make it Christmas time, we get a lot of 'Father Christmas isn't coming.' So hollow threats that we know and they know we're not going to follow through on. And then what happens is they ignore us. They actually lose respect from us and very often they do the opposite. And I am not saying if you're in this quadrant that you're a bad parent. And I'm not saying that you'll never come back to this quadrant again. But I want you to know that when we do this, when we shout and we tell them off, and we nag at them, they ignore us. And I don't know about you, but it's like it's gone in one ear, or they even will put their fingers over their ears. So they ignore us and they do the opposite. So, but have a look at this one. You can sometimes get their cooperation, get them to do what you want without the connection. But when that happens, what you're usually doing is that you're using some kind of force or fear, something you really know that they are actually going to be frightened of, or you're using your physical power. So I could have forced Felix into that car seat. I, you know, we've done this with the buggy, haven't we? You can force them in, but when we do that, they shut down, they resent us, and they don't feel connected to us, and we don't feel connected to them. There's a drop in our love with the, the love connection between us. So let's have a look at another part of this matrix. You may feel like you've got high compassion and high connection, but actually you're not getting your kids to do what you, what you want them to do. So what we'll often do, by the way, is that we'll swing from quadrant to quadrant. So I know when I first went to parenting classes, and this was with issues with my older son Nico, that I was often in this quadrant. I did a lot of giving in, of being a bit too soft. If he asked for sausages for supper and I made them and then he screamed that he didn't like them, I found myself making— dancing around and making him pasta. Or he might— I might start feeding him. Or I might, if he asked, if I asked him to tidy his toys and he said no, I just give in. I do them for him. If I asked him to get dressed, I might just get him, and he said no, I'd just get him dressed myself. But the problem with that, and we found this very much with our oldest son, is that he felt in charge. And that's not healthy for a child. So we need that. It's very confusing for them. So we need them, we, they need us us to be in charge. They need us to be in charge, but we don't need to be in charge like a sergeant major. So look at the top right matrix, a part of the matrix. When you have your connection, a strong connection and strong compassion with your child, you will get high levels of cooperation. Now, am I saying this comes easily? Absolutely not, it doesn't. But when you're doing this, this is when you're consistently holding the boundaries, you're staying calm. I'm going to put the camera back on so you get emphasis from me. You're understanding where your child's coming from. You've really learned what it is to stand in a child's shoes. You've helped, you, you've understood what response they need from you. You've learned about how children function, how they respond to the world, and they have respect for you. They will listen to you and they feel connected. And it's one thing is connected with another. So I'm going to go on to show you. This is— these are the 4 quadrants: Quadrant 1, Quadrant 2, Quadrant 3, and quadrant 4. So quadrant 4 is where you're aiming for, but I'd like to ask you what quadrant you see yourself in. Now again, no shame, and you might find actually it would be a mixture. So tell me where you see yourself, and, and you can write down, you know, which, which of those numbers you see yourself in. And maybe if actually more helpful? Those moments when you're struggling, where, and you're not getting the kind of response from your child, where do you mostly see yourself? I know that I have used to swing from, yeah, from 3. So we've got quite a few people when they're not getting the cooperation that they want, they tend to give in. You've got, we've got some 1s, so you're shouting and criticizing. Some 'tues, sometimes using that power, and they feel disconnected. And again, this is not about making you feel ashamed of your parenting. It's, it's about showing you the response when you are consistently holding the boundaries and the response for your child. Okay, great. So we've had which quadrant you're in. So I want to come back to Felix. And so there we were in this car park being watched by our friends, and he's scratching and he's hitting, and he didn't want to get in that car seat by, you know, high— there was like, what is that expression, but nor hell nor high water. And I suddenly realized, I had an epiphany. I just suddenly realized that this is not about the car seat. And I need to approach this situation with compassion. I need to have to figure out what this really is about. So I took this little boy who was flailing around and trying to scratch me and screaming no and, and crying and arching his back. I took him and I sat on the edge of that dusty car car park. And I held him. I held him really tight, and I said: "You know what? You're okay, Felix. It's going to be okay. You're in stormy waters. I know that you're feeling really unhappy. I know that you don't want to be like this. And we're like Pirate Pete, and you're at sea, and we're in a storm, and you will come down." 'But I know that you're really not feeling happy, and I think it's not just about the car seat.' Now I'm saying this above still some of these screams and still being observed by our friends who were sort of trying to look the other way. And his scream started to subside and it turned to sobs, and he said, 'They tease me, Mummy.' 'They tease me about my pull-ups.' Now he was 4 and he wasn't potty trained at night, and they had seen him getting ready for bed in the pull-up. And, you know, the other, particularly the older 2 boys, and they had been teasing about him about it. And that was what was behind it. And once we got to that, I realized, you know what, this child wouldn't have told me this. This child was behaving the way he was because he was unhappy and he was being teased. Not just about the pull-ups, but behind our back. Children can be, you know, they can be sneaky. And you know what, they, they weren't bad kids, but that was just a dynamic that they got into. So from that point on, I had to figure out how to parent this child who was more challenging than my other children. And that can happen in a family, and I don't know if it's like that with you, whether you've got one that's more challenging than another. But it's about deciding that you need to learn the best way to bring out the best in that particular child. But what I want you to know about Felix now, he's at university and he'll phone me and he'll say, 'Mum, can I talk to you? I've got a problem and I'm really anxious and I just want to talk it over to you.' We need to think ahead with our children. They are in, in a world that's very challenging, and we need them to be resilient. And if we can maintain that closeness with them and that connection with them, they'll tell us things when they're in trouble, and they will confide in us. They won't feel frightened. Now, last two summers ago, Felix got himself a job on a summer camp. And he— it was— the summer camp was, um, run by a very tough guy called Howard Salzburg. Howard would regularly fire the counselors, the camp counselors, if they weren't what he considered to be up to scratch. And Felix would FaceTime me from time to time during the 7 weeks that he was there, and he'd say, oh, oh, that girl Jenny got fired last night. She had to leave, pack her bags and leave. And I was always slightly worried whether Felix was going to get the sack too, but he didn't. He continued through the 7 weeks, and at the end of the 7 weeks, he wrote— he came back to England and he wrote to Howard to ask him for a reference. Now don't forget, this is an extremely tough taskmaster, but he wrote a— it brought tears to my eyes when I read the whole reference. This is just a small small section of it. What made Felix a truly remarkable employee was the overwhelming love, compassion, and genuine affection he provided every child who was entrusted to his care. Felix's honest and warm demeanor made him a true friend to one and all. Now, I'm not here to boast about my son, but I want to encourage you to think about what kind of child— what kind of adult you want your child to be. And I'd love to ask you what you got from that story, what resonated for you, because this is about you. And, and, um, it's absolutely lovely to hear in the chat box when you tell me the kind of things from that story that resonated with you. Maybe you saw yourself not realizing that, that, you know, you, you haven't quite got your child. Where you haven't quite got how to treat them when they're being so challenging. So perhaps there's some things like that. But just stick in the chat box what you found resonated for you. And I'm going to come on to tell you about the 3 secrets for managing tantrums, meltdowns, and misbehaviors. So put on your seat belts because we're going to go fast through this. And I'm just going to take a drink of water. Okay, are you still with me? So let's, let's give me a yes if you're still here. If you've been distracted by something going on in the background, come back to me because I really want to, to tell you what, uh, I've got the 3 secrets to tell you, and then I've got, um, I want to tell you about something to do with managing mealtime difficulties. I've got lots more to tell you. So yeah, we've got 'not realizing how to treat my child.' Okay, 'sensitive child.' Yes, you're here. Great, you're with me. Okay, so secret number 1—write this in your notebooks—is how that we need to talk so kids will listen. Why do we need to do that? Why do we need to talk so kids will listen? What kind of reasons would you give that would help if you talked so kids will listen? Why would that help? What might they do if they were really listening to you? What kind of things would you get from them if they were really listening to you? Because this is something that comes up time and time again. With, you know, the questions that I get asked. Parents say, 'My child—' We've had it at the beginning. My parents say, you know, 'My child just won't listen to me.' So why do we want them to listen to us? What are we going to get from that? So stick in the chat box. I've got some ideas, but I'd love to hear from you why we want— why it's good for us to get our children to listen to us. And it's a little bit slow, so I'm going to jump in with, "So they'll do what we ask." I mean, frankly, that's what happens a lot. We want our children to do what we ask. We've said speaking calm and asking questions about what's really wrong. So that's something that you got. I think that, Sally, I think you meant that's something you got from the story perhaps. Or maybe you want to speak so kids will listen, so then you might find out what's wrong with them. Yeah, we'll get close to them. That's another reason why it's great to have children listen to us. We might have more chats for them because we know what's best for them. Absolutely, Bradley, we do. We have wisdom. We know what's best for them, and we want them consequently to listen to us. 'We can impart our wisdom. It makes for a happier family.' That's absolutely right. So it's really important to speak in a way that children will listen so we can enjoy our time with them. But listen to this: who has responded well to being shouted at? Who's responded well to being judged? I know that Felix felt judged on that holiday. He did not respond well to that. He felt judged by us, he felt judged by the other parents, and he probably felt judged by their older son. We don't respond well to it. Who has responded well, frankly, to being told off? We think that that's going to be the right way to get the right behaviour, but actually it isn't. So we need to figure out a way to talk So Kids Will Listen. It's the first book I ever read, a fantastic book, and I'm going to give out some prizes to do with this book at the end, so listen up for this. But I want to tell you about Renata and Robert. So Robert was not listening to his mother. There he is, he looks very like, you know, Felix looked very sweet little boy, but actually that wasn't how Renata and her husband were experiencing Robert. He was being rude, he was aggressive, he wouldn't listen, he was in big trouble at school. And Renata phoned me one day at— in, in such a terrible state, uh, on— in tears on the phone, saying she just did not know how to handle him. Not only was he in trouble at school, but he'd been— this was last term when kids were still at school— but he'd been banned from this going, going on the school bus. So that made all kinds of complications for her as a working mom. Because she was having to take him to school herself instead of having him on the school bus. So they were really in a difficult state, and Robert was behaving in such a challenging way. And Renata came on my program, and she decided that she needed to approach things differently. She decided to tighten up on her rules for bedtime, be more consistent with it, have stricter boundaries with bedtime and mealtimes, and she decided to spend more time listening to Robert. And she uncovered that he felt ill at ease. It was a new school. He felt ill at ease. He didn't know some of these boys, and how he'd been reacting to them was to hit out. And when he felt understood and listened to by his mum, he started to change his behavior. And you, you wouldn't believe it, within a month of Renata accessing different parenting tools that she learned on my program, Robert was awarded the— he got an award for the best behaved child in the school, and he got an award from— he got a mention from the headmaster in the weekly newsletter. She would never have believed that's possible, but she learned— one of the major tools that she learned was to stop shouting and to speak in a way that Robert would listen. So remember that behaviour improves when we catch the good. We're very programmed to look at what they're doing wrong, but behaviour improves when we catch the good. So how could you change from what you've heard from secret 1? What could be a quick win for you? What could make a difference to your child? So tell me in the chat box, what might be a quick win. And we've just covered secret number 1, how to talk so kids will listen. And shouting doesn't work, it makes me feel rubbish and guilty. Yeah, so a quick win for you could be to have a rule for yourself that you're not going to shout. That's a great one. So secret 2 is about standing in your child's shoes. Now, it sounds like it's something that could be easy, but why would we want to stand in our child's shoes? Well, we want to— it really helps us to know where they're coming from. It really helps us to decide on the best response to our children. It really helps that when we stand in our children's shoes, we learn much more about how kids work. You've got to be open to this, and you've got to think, you know, rather than judging, I need to stand in my child's shoes. So look at this picture here, and we might think, you know, he's just being spoiled and demanding because he's crying. But you could think, this little boy is disappointed that his hot chocolate is finished. So that's the difference when we decide to stop judging and we decide to think about life from our children's point of view. We will often be able to choose a different response to them. And Nicole needed to have a different response. She got in touch with me having had a really horrible morning fight with Caspian. He had been screaming for the iPad, he refused to get dressed, she'd had to drag him to school, she'd have to stuff him in the buggy, she was late for work, and she just thought, you know what, I don't— this— I'm not being the kind of mother that I want to be. So she also accessed my program and she learned about the 3 C's model and the GREAT method. Now, I don't have time to go into that with you now, but what she, Nicole, found was that by changing her approach to Caspian, by standing in his shoes and figuring out what would work best for him in the morning, what would work best for their family— that wasn't about giving in and getting him dressed when she'd asked him to do it himself. But it was just about a different approach. And what she found was, was that mornings became so much easier. They don't have the battles anymore. They can walk to school and chat. They can take their time because things have gone so much quicker. And they— she finds out all kinds of things about him that she didn't know. So it's really powerful stuff when we decide to do things differently. And when you stand in your child's shoes, it helps you connect and be compassionate. And it helps you think about what's driving my child's behaviour. And you might look at this picture and think, "She's just being an annoying little girl lying on the pavement." But there's probably something else driving it. Maybe she feels hot in her wellies. Maybe she thought that wellies were going to be comfortable, but actually they're not. There will be something that is driving our children's behaviour, but very often what we're doing is just responding to what we see. Kirsty was responding to Nina's jealousy and demanding behaviour by getting crosser and crosser with her. She found that she wasn't being the kind of mother that she wanted to be. Nina was terribly jealous of her little brother, and how that was manifesting is she was grabbing things, grabbing him. She was getting in his way. She was lying on top of him. Kirsty could not leave them alone for more than 30 seconds. She was actually frightened of what Nina might do to Rory. And she decided to access my program, and she learned that Nina had felt really misplaced when Rory came along. She thought, you know, Kirsty thought that it would be nice— it is nice to have a sibling— but Nina responded in a much more severe way than she ever expected her to. And when she showed Nina how she understood how hard it was for her, and when she would get down to her level and really connect with her and get her on board to helping Rory rather than snatching things from him, she saw that Nina softened and she— Nina became more open to doing things to help. And she told me this week that when Nina's playing with something and Rory comes up, she says now, rather than pushing him away and pushing him to the floor, she says, 'Mummy, I've got a game I want to play by myself, so I'm going to give Rory a different toy.' So this is very, you know, these situations where we're being the kind of parent we don't want to be, there are so many better ways of dealing with it when we just decide that we need to be more skilled and have more tools to do it. So secret number 3 is our behavior impacts theirs. Sorry, I'll just go back if you wanted to write that down. Our behavior impacts theirs. Remember this: our behavior impacts theirs. We think their behavior makes us cross. It's the other way around because children are sponges and they are picking up on everything. And they are picking up on our stress, they're picking up on our anxiety, they're picking up on our impatience. Maybe nothing even to do with them, but they are sponges for us. And therefore, when we change, they change. Michelle and, and Ed are another example of this. Michelle felt very low in confidence. She wasn't being the kind of mother that she wanted to be. She hadn't had a good example from her own mother, and she felt very stuck and didn't like herself. She told me this week that she had a situation with Leel, her little girl. Who'd got it in her head that her new big girl's bed was already in their house. In fact, they're moving and the big girl's bed's coming when they move to their new house. So bedtime, she had an utter meltdown. She was starting to scream about wanting the big girl's bed. And having learned different tools to deal with Leel, Kirsty said she was so thrilled that she got down to Leel's level and she said, "I can see just how sad you are because you thought your bed was going to be here and it's not here and it's making you feel really sad and it's making you cry." And Leel started to calm down. And then Kirsty said to her, she said in the past, she, what she would have done is either got really cross with her and said, "Right, that's it, you're not going to have a new bed now because you're not behaving." or she would have made up a ridiculous story about the fact that the bed was going to come tomorrow, knowing that it wasn't, and then have to get out and dig herself out of that hole having lied. But instead she showed her empathy, and Liel, having calmed down, she said to her, 'What would make you feel happy for tomorrow?' And Liel said she'd like to make cakes. So there they are, there's the photograph of the beautifully imperfect cakes. That they made together. And this is how powerful this stuff can be. And I want you to know that a skilled and informed parent will bring up a resilient and emotionally— an emotionally balanced child. A skilled, informed parent will raise a resilient and emotionally balanced child. So I want you to remember that. And perhaps write that down in your, in your workbook. And I actually haven't really got time to tell you about Izzy, but just know that a really challenging situation with Izzy needing hospital treatment with blood tests and hysteria turned into a fantastically smooth visit to the hospital with nurses jaws dropping because Izzy went in so happily. So these kind of things, you know, that's a really serious health situation. So we've got all kinds of ways that we can use this stuff that I'm talking about. But what I want to ask you is, how would it feel to you to avoid conflict? How would life feel to you? And, and tell me this in this chat box. So I've already got shouting needs to stop, feel awful afterwards. Yeah, wanting to calm yourself before yelling. So those are the kind of wins that you might have had from, from today. But how would it feel to you to avoid conflict? What would that be like? Tell me in the chat box. Would it— would you feel calmer if you managed to avoid conflict? Would life be easier would you have more time? Would you feel happier? Would you feel more connected with your child? So tell me some of the reasons why it would feel good to you to avoid conflict. Happier, peaceful, great. Yeah, lots of— and I'm sure I'm going to get more of these— less stressed and calm, calmer and happier. Yeah, it's really, you know, we didn't have children in order to shout at them. And I don't know about you, but we're not, you know, we're trained to do any other job that we have in our lives, but we're not trained to be parents. And, you know, it's just kind of ridiculous, isn't it, that we're expected to know what to do? So people are saying that they love that, they'd love to avoid more conflict. What about this? How would it feel to you to stay firm but positive? Some people are saying that they'd feel more connected if they avoid conflict. Fewer conflicts with husbands. Yeah, often that's the case actually, you know, between partners. If a child is behaving badly, it sets off a lot of conflict between you and your partner, and you might blame each other. Um, so what would it feel like if you were able to stay firm but positive. Less stressed and have a happier family life. Yeah. Um, relief. Um, your child would feel more secure if you could stay firm rather than that flip-flapping between being too lenient and too harsh. Maybe you'd feel more confident. You'd feel more happier and less stressed. Yeah, great. Okay, so just come back to that grid. So if you look at what happens when you consistently hold your boundaries, uh, you have— and you understand your child and you stay calm, they have more respect for you. They'll listen. Somebody said earlier about wisdom. You have wisdom. You need to tell them how to do things or to do things, but they— you'll get, get there by having them listen to you and feel more connected with you. Great. Okay. And the Princess of Wales said— not the Princess of Wales, the Duchess of Cambridge— some of the science behind child development is extraordinary. We're learning so much, and this is where my research comes in, and that's why I absolutely love to teach parents all that I've learned. It shows what a precious time this is and what an amazing opportunity we've got to really nurture their minds and put them in the best possible position for their future lives. So this is why I say it's not just about the now. We have to think of it in the long term. So these are the 3 secrets that I've talked to you about. Stay with me because this isn't the end. I want you to think about— so sorry, the 3 secrets: how to talk, talk so kids will listen, coming from, as they say, originally a great book that I read with that title, Standing in Your Child's Shoes, and our behavior impacts their behavior. Okay, so what I'd like to ask you is, how skilled on the, on the scale of 1 to 10— and like I say, this isn't about being perfect parents, but how— getting it all right every single time— but on a scale of 1 to 10, is 0 you really don't feel very skilled, and 10 you feel really super skilled so that it's almost like unconscious, you don't have to think about things? How skilled do you feel? So give me a number on a scale of 1 to 10 of how skilled you feel to dealing with these challenging situations that you told me about at the beginning. So these times when you're, you know, your child runs off or won't listen to you or is getting angry or they cry when they don't get their own way or they whine and they moan. And how— so I've got some 5s, yeah. Okay, hearts, there's some 7s, some 4s, some— brilliant. Okay, thank you, thank you for joining in on that because it's something we really, you know, it's jolly hard when we don't feel 100% skilled. But what I'd love you to think about is how would you feel if you dramatically improved your skills and confidence? What would that feel like? So tell me in the chat box how that would feel, and perhaps you want to write good if that's something that would, you know, what would it feel like if you can imagine in even a month's time, if you were faced with your child having a meltdown and you thought, you know what, I've got the tools to deal with this. I know how to help my child come out of this quickly. Because let's face it, meltdowns can go on and on and on and they can be really, really draining. Or you haven't that don't have to have that fight in the morning? How would that feel? You know, imagine that you're going to school with your child— hopefully schools will be back then, um, or nursery— and you're having a nice time and they've got dressed cooperatively. So what would that feel like? Like a weight lifted, somebody said. So much happier. Yeah. So Maya Angelou says, success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it. Liking what you do and liking how you do it. What would you say has been the most valuable for you so far? So I'm not over, so stay with me. I so appreciate the fact that you've stuck with me all this time. I know that I might have actually gone slightly over the time that I was expecting, but stick with me because there's more to tell you. So what would you say has been the most valuable? So somebody said that they've They've, um, I don't know if that's what you found the most valuable, but you found it comforting perhaps, um, and that you'd feel like it's a dream come true, um, if you could get that kind of cooperation. And it would save me so much time, somebody said. Yeah, so, um, and anything that's resonated with you, what do you feel like you've thought? Well, it's probably some of the things that you've said already, so you've got time saving You'd feel calmer and a happier mum. Okay. Well, I'm glad that that's come from you. And perhaps you might want to think about— you'd have much better days and feel happy all round. Yeah. You know, you're still going to have difficult days because that happens with children. But when you're tooled up, when you're skilled, and like I say, parenting isn't something that we're taught. We're expected to know how to do it. So you might think about what action you might take. But what's quite often the case when I reach this point is that parents realise that they've still got some challenges, and these tend to be the main challenges that we have, is that we don't know how to stop shouting. You know, we might know the first time how to avoid the shouts, but not after we've asked them 10 times and they still haven't done what we've asked How to get them to consistently cooperate is often something that we feel really challenged by. And how do I stay connected and understand my child? How am I actually going to do that? So I'm going to show you. I want you to know that I'm not special. I really, you know, I've raised 4 children that are turning out— I'm so proud of them, and they are turning out to be very resilient, go-getting, and emotionally intelligent, articulate children. But that's because I've learned and I've made so many mistakes over the time and I want— that what I love about my work is that I help parents avoid the mistakes that I've made. I can shortcut things for you because I really have studied and tested things out and I know that they work. Now what I'm going to tell you about is not for everyone, but I love you to listen on and hear about the Tantrum Taming Toolkit. Now, this is a program that is brought my 20 years of experience working with parents and researching and learning about parenting, and as my experience as a mother of 4, I've pulled it together in what I am so proud of is, is an online program. You don't have to have children that are exactly experiencing tantrums to access this program. It's about all the kinds of challenging behavior that we've already talked about, and it shows you how to parent with compassion and with boundaries for that calmer, easier, happier family life that you've told me that you wanted. So here are the modules. It's an online program. It comes in 4 modules with a a whole load more. And stay with me because there's a special bonus that I'm offering tonight, uh, that I'm really excited about that's around meal times. So, um, Module 1 is about mindful parenting, and I can get from what you have said in the chat box tonight that that is you. You want to be a mindful parent. But as I say, we're not taught to do this, and any other job that we have which requires any level of expertise, we get training. And yet the— what I consider to be the most important job that we could do, very little training is had by most parents. So Module 1 is about learning the benefits of caring for yourself first, about, you know, what is normal behavior, what is across-the-board normal behavior, what is the range. Because so often what we're seeing at home we think is abnormal, but actually it isn't. And how to bring out the best according to each child's temperament. Part of the reason why some of you may experience stronger reactions than you've seen in another of your children, or perhaps in your friend's children, is that children come with temperaments. And when we learn how to parent according to your child's temperament, we get so much better behavior out of them. And it's not just about behavior, it's about connection as well. Module 2 is, is about the strategies. How often have you felt powerless when your child shouts 'no' or they scream at you or they just, or they run off? And we feel so powerless and we feel like this child is ruling the roost. So this shows you what to do in those moments, how to avoid that misbehavior, how to handle it, and how to recover from it. Also, what not to do, because we can make it worse, we can fuel the fire. And how to help kids take responsibility, because so often they'll be blaming us, but we need to help them to take responsibility and we need to teach them how to say sorry. But there's a very specific way that we can do that that really works so that we don't get "sorry," which you may have found you've got when you ask your child to say sorry. Module 3, bringing out the best in your child using a very specific skill of descriptive praise. And I go into detail with loads of information about that. And I've got a 12-page booklet that backs up everything that I talk about in the, in, on the online program. And the same goes for developing their emotional intelligence through showing that compassion to their feelings. Having them show that you understood their feelings, having them to understand their own feelings, and just really knowing how to use what I call reflective listening so that you help a child understand their feelings. And again, there's a 12-page booklet that goes with that that really helps you get to grips with it. Module 4 is Systems for Keeping You Sane. This covers the GREAT method, by the way. Module 2 covers the 3 C's that I mentioned earlier. And the great method for following instructions— some of you may have seen it in a free booklet, it's still available for you— but I go into much more detail about how to get children to follow those instructions so you get a yes rather than a no. And really simple-to-follow routines so that you avoid that nagging or reminding, and your household is so much more sane and calm, and you're saving yourself so much time. It also includes— and this has— I've got fantastic feedback on— it includes adult-child roleplay demonstrations to really show in those moments what you need to say. And I'm doing those demonstrations on video, and I've got great feedback about that. So it comes in the 4 modules, just the program alone, and I've got some bonuses that are included that I'm going to show you. Just those 4 modules come in, in, um, sorry, the whole program comes available on your phone, on an iPad or a tablet, or you can watch it on your computer. The value of just those 4 modules alone would be £700. It saves you that time. It develops your child into the kind of child you want them to be. It helps them to, to you to shape your child and, and mold them into, into, you know, that confident child who's resilient and kind and compassionate and communicates with you. I've added in a bonus which has been so popular: 4 group coaching calls on Zoom with me that gives you clarity and support. They are every Tuesday through March at 8 PM, and they are also recorded if you can't make it. But you come on, chat to other parents, and get that extra support that parents really like—that reassurance that shows that, um, you are not alone. I have another bonus, which is an exclusive Facebook community, so you can jump in the, in, in that community and ask questions get cheered on by other parents, share your experiences. The value of that just alone would be £150. And I also, because I— and Module 1 is all about starting with us and looking after yourself— I've consulted expert meditation teacher Lauren Bear, who teaches you about meditation, and she's even included a guided meditation within it. So helpful to relieve that stress, to help you to stay calm and stop shouting. Melissa Denham accessed my program. She was at her wit's end with her child, and she realized that she just needed— the problem was with her, that when she changed her approach to Mila, her little girl, it brought out the best in Mila that she knew was there, that she saw from time to time, but she avoided all those battles. And Mila started being so much more cooperative. She says, 'Forget expensive toys. This is the best present that you could give your family.' There's feedback from participants that I'm not going to go into now, but I want to tell you about the special price that I have the Tantrum Taming Toolkit at for you. I would love you to invest in this. If you think about the money that you've spent over the time on your children on equipment, expensive prams, Bugaboos, expensive cots and car seats and, and other equipment that you buy, toys that you buy them that maybe they don't even play with that much. Think about that in comparison to £247 for this program that you have lifelong access to. You will have this program for as long as you want, and the feedback has been that parents come back, you, you access it in your own time. You can watch it, you can binge it and, and watch it all in one go, but you, or you come, you know, watch it in, in 10-minute sections depending on how busy you are and your appetite, um, or your schedule. But I've got it on at a very special price of £247, or you can pay £95 a month for 3 months. And that gives you the whole of the program, the 4 group coaching sessions, the private Facebook group, and the stress management. The normal value of that program would be well over £1,000, and, and it is on at the moment for £247 or £95 a month for 3 months. There are 2 investment choices. One is that you access the standard Tantrum Taming Toolkit program, or you could go for the premium package, which involves 3 video consultations with me. When you go through to the checkout— and I think it's being put up in the chat box, the link to the checkout— you can see all that's involved. It will refresh what I've just said. It's all on a website for you to see, but it's on tonight for £47. Now, do you remember I said at the beginning, who has stressful mealtimes? This was definitely a massive source of stress when my children were little, and I have learned from my own trial and error. And as I say, from my research, the best way to, to get your mealtime sorted. So I have for tonight, for anyone that signs up to the program tonight, by following the link myparentingsolutions.com/ttt. By signing up by midnight tonight, you will also get access to a free online workshop that's Positive Meal Times and Managing Fussy Eaters. It covers establishing positive habits, establishing good table manners, increasing your child's repertoire of food, positive rules for your mealtime, routines around meals— so that's before, during, and after your meal— and just generally ways to encourage good behavior. That would normally be a value of £150, but I'm including it in the offer for anyone that would like to sign up tonight and join me on the Tantrum Taming Toolkit. And don't forget, you get the workshop on, on positive mealtimes, plus everything else, including those 4 group sessions. Everything is included for you. But I've got one extra treat. My favorite book is— so that would— what would be happening if when you go through, follow that link, ttt/ttt, if you were to decide to invest in the one payment Standard Tantrum Toolkit, that's what the checkout page looks like. I also offer a 14-day money-back guarantee. If you come to me after 14 days and tell me why you didn't like the program, just, you know, and send me an email and say, give me the reasons you didn't like it so that I can learn, I'll refund you your money. No hard feelings and therefore no risk for you. So if you think 'You know what, this actually sounds really good but I'm not sure.' 'Rest assured you've got a 14-day money-back guarantee.' I would love you to take action. Follow the link, it'll open I think in a separate link so you can keep that open and still watch the webinar. I meant to put my camera back on so you can see me. So follow the link to that and that will tell you, refresh exactly what I've just been talking about. But you might be thinking, I don't have the patience, I just don't know, you know, just don't think I've got the patience or the time for this. Remember how much time it saves. Remember how much stress learning about parenting from somebody who I hope you, you know, consider knows what they're talking about. Because if you don't consider that, then the program's not for for you, but maybe, you know, that's you. But you will gain patience by knowing how to deal with situations. Maybe you think that you should be able to cope. There's a bit of shame around parenting, and you should be able to handle the pressures of parenting. Like I said already, this is the most important job that you will do, and you haven't been trained for it. So why not Give yourself that extra gift of learning the best ways of dealing with your children. If you've liked what I've said so far, I would really, hand on heart, say that you're going to love the program. And I'd just love you to take that action and invest in it. But you might think, um, I need time to think about this. Uh, you will— we won't get the bonus of the workshop about managing mealtimes, but the doors close at 5 PM on Friday the 26th of February. So just know that. But I'd love to ask you, what's holding you back? So tell me what your reservations are. For those of you that are still with me, tell me what your reservations are because— or ask me some questions. What, what, what do you think Perhaps you might think that you should know it. Perhaps you might think that it's just not going to work for your child. What are your questions about it? What do you, what do you think your reservations might be? And you can stick that in the chat box and I'll see, because I know that you want to be more compassionate. I know that you'd love to know how to praise behaviour even in the face of difficult— sorry, praise your child even in the face of difficult behaviour. I know that you'd love to know how you hold the boundaries. So, you know, they might be having a screaming meltdown for something that you just don't want to give them. So how do you hold the boundaries without getting cross? I'm going to teach you that within the programme. The feedback that I've got is absolutely phenomenal. The parents that have accessed the program so far that I've worked with really, really loved it, and I will also always be adding and improving it. So you have lifelong access to it, so even if you get something sorted, you may well want to come back to it and refresh your memory and look at those role plays. Or you might read your booklets that, you know, you print out. So there's a lot of layers to this program. So, time to actually do the modules? Yeah, well, you can do the modules in your own time, Gillian. You don't have to— you, like I say, you can watch it on your phone. You can even just listen to it, actually, you know, perhaps with a buggy. Twins, hard to deal with both at the at the same time. Yeah, one of the parents that came on the program recently had twins, and they just figured out better ways of encouraging that positive behavior. So what they found is that they had so many less meltdowns and screaming, that it wasn't just about, you know, that they just had to face it so much less. But also, within the temperament section, you find out better ways to dealing with each child according to their temperament. And that's something else that, uh, this couple that had twins came on. Um, somebody said, I have a question, uh, are there any kids or situations that this doesn't work for? Great question, Andrea. In my experience, uh, whether you've got a child on, you know, with very, very challenging temperament. I've had parents come on my program with children on the spectrum who have, you know, very, very challenging behavior, and this stuff works brilliantly. It works just as well for a very, very challenging child. And believe me, there were times with my son Felix when I actually thought, do you know what, I am so happy that I've got these tools because he is so challenging. Those times when Felix would pull all the books off his bookshelf because he was in a rage. He'd empty his, his chest of drawers of all his clothes. He had found it really, really difficult to contain himself. And I was so happy that I had the tools to deal with him calmly and compassionately. To stick with, you know, I would get him to put all the books back on his bookshelf, get him to put all the clothes back in, but without shaming him, without reprimanding him, without shouting at him, and still maintaining that love and connection. So there are— I would say this program is, is just really great for any form of child, for any age child. My examples are more for children between the age of about 18 months and 11. So I'm not giving you the language that you might adapt to a teenager, but I've had parents come with a wide range of age and they've all got something from it. And actually what they've often said— somebody mentioned earlier that, you know, the stress that it causes between your relationship— parents have actually said that they've used descriptive praise on their husband or their partner or their wife. They've used it with their team at work. They've used the skill of validating emotions with a friend who was having a, you know, a difficult time. So although you might adapt the words you use, the principles are the same, and they're just as valuable for any age range. Any other questions? Any reservations that you might have Um, but I would just love to say that I would so love you to join in the program and become part of that community because we need support. You know, there's a really lovely expression, it takes a village to raise a child. This will be your village, um, to get that support in those calls, um, and from other parents in the Facebook group. Um, that means that you're not alone and you're getting inspiration. What gift is that for your child? And actually, what price would a calmer, happier family life be? So the special price today is £247 or £95 a month. If you're in North America, um, the dollar conversion will come up at the checkout. It's about 20% more, I think. But through the checkout you can put in your currency and you can, yeah, you know, you pay for it in your own currency. But it's, um, you get access to the training straight away, and then we begin our group sessions on the 2nd of March, and they're every Tuesday for the month, but they are recorded if you can't make it. So anything else? I'm going to stand here. I so appreciate the time that you've given me tonight. It's been a pleasure having people on. I, I love talking about parenting. You've probably got that. And don't forget that when you sign up tonight, you get the access to the free workshop, Positive Meal Times and Managing Fussy Eaters. That gives you those stress-free meals and a nicer time at the table. And also, you know, I think we all worry about our children's diets, and it shows you how to increase their repertoire so that they're eating healthier foods and they're more excited about the foods that they are eating. So there's some great tools within that workshop that aren't covered in the the full Tantrums Program, and that would be accessed for you tonight. But I also, I know there was something else. The book. So anybody that signs up with me tonight, I will personally send you one of my favorite parenting books, which is called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. So it's many years old now. It's still really valuable. It was the first parenting book that I read, and I still refer back to it. And as I've talked about that in Secret 2, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, I thought it would be a really nice way of recognizing Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, who got me into parenting. So many years ago. And, and that would be my gift for you, for you registering for the program tonight. But I'm still here. For the mealtimes part, does it help with getting kids to eat the same meals as my husband and I do? That's something we have a hard time with. Great. Yes, it does. And in fact, it's something that I highly recommend that you do have meals with them. But there are little tricks and tricks and tricks, tips and tricks is what I'm meaning to say, to encourage them to eat what you're eating. And part of it is, I'll give you an example, is about getting them, helping them, they help you prepare the meal. So that's one of the tips in amongst other things that you'll pick up on that extra workshop. So that's a really great question, thank you for that. Any other questions that you've got? I'm going to stick around. I have talked a little bit longer than I said I would. I get myself a bit overexcited, but I would— I'm happy to answer any questions that you've got just after I've taken another drink of water. Anything, any reservations? If you're on the fence about this program, if you're, you're here and you're thinking about it, tell me. I would really love to help get you off the fence. I would really love to help you make a decision. 'Whether it's to go for it or not, I'd love to help you make a decision,' because I think that's the best place to be. When we're in that stage of deliberating, we feel uncomfortable. So, 'Let me see if I can help you in any way,' or, 'Tell me what your reservations might be.' I'll just move on to show you. So yeah, that again shows you how you the program. That shows you the two different ways of investing, whether you want the premium package or the standard package, which you'll see on the website, uh, in what is included in it. And just remember that the doors do close on Friday the 26th of February, and tonight you get access to that workshop and the gift from me, that book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen. I'll just have to get your address and I'll have it sent to you as an extra gift. So somebody's saying thank you. Well, thank you so much for coming. And, and like I say, just stick some questions in the chat box if you'd like me to answer them. Don't forget to follow me on Instagram if you aren't already, because I post lots of things on there. There are some reels. I don't know if any of you know, they're a little bit like TikTok, but they're getting a lot of interest and, you know, a lot of views. How soon do people tend to see results? Like, how long does it start having a better relationship with my son? You know, that's another really great question. Parents have told me that the results can be overnight. They change, they tweak something, they pick up one of those tools, and they see results change overnight. And it may take a little longer for certain things, but when you have understood, particularly in Module 2, you understand the neuroscience behind the way children behave, and that often softens you, you know, it makes you feel closer to them because you realize that so much of what they're doing wasn't intentional. And then when a child feels less judged by you, they feel like you've got more patience. You start to see they're like, you know, little seedlings, as I showed on that picture. They're like little seedlings and they start to unfurl, and you start to have more fun with them. And you start to think about ways to improve your relationship with them. So it can be very, very fast, or it can take a little bit longer, but you can really get some quick wins. But it's a great question, and thanks for asking it. Anything else that I could help you with? I can see there are still some, still people with me, uh, which is great. Um, so I'm not going to go away, but I'm, um, I might, um, yeah, you know, I, I just sit. How can I help you? I just might flick back through, uh, some of the things that have been said. 'We don't like being shouted at, so why would they?' Somebody said. Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. Sometimes parents say— one question— well, that's great, Andrea, thank you for asking all those great questions. Um, sometimes parents will say, 'I don't hit my child. Why do they hit him? Why are they hitting me?' So that's quite a common question, um, and that's true, you know, um, Children don't always learn from our example, but what is happening is that they— I'll come up with this. Okay, it's an answer. Thank you. Sorry, I'll come back to what I was just saying about hitting because I wanted to answer. I'm just worried it won't be specific enough. Will the group Zooms allow us to ask you questions too? Yes. They will. Depending on the size of the group, what I'll probably do is get you to put your questions in ahead of time, but you definitely will be able to ask me questions. And what you'll often find is even if you haven't asked a question, another parent will have asked it for you. So you definitely do get to answer, to ask questions. I don't really know what you mean by specific enough. But, um, what the— you know, what I have found is that it, it gives you— well, okay, here's, here's another way of putting it. Um, there is an option to have, um, private work with me, uh, which is a package with 3 sessions, 3 video sessions with me privately. So obviously that would give you more specific, more specific solutions for your situation. So that is something that you might want to consider. But in terms of the program, you are getting the, like I say, you're getting the Zoom calls with me and you can keep reviewing and refining and you can also ask in the Facebook group. So that might help but if you wanted very specific coaching, then you'd want the premium program, which is also mentioned at the checkout. So sorry, if you go to myparentingsolutions.com/ttt and you scroll down to the bottom, it just explains what the premium program involves, which is the coaching, extra coaching sessions with me. So I don't know if that answers your question. But one thing that I was explaining about— child is being referred to for ADHD, not sure if it's the behavior that can be changed. Yes, it will. Absolutely. I, I very much suspect— well, two of my children actually, sorry, two of my children have ADHD diagnosis. And although Felix, the one that was most challenging, didn't specifically have an ADHD diagnosis, he just definitely demonstrated those kind of behaviors, which was, you know, the sort of concentration aspect of it. And these tools absolutely do work with children with ADHD. I wouldn't, wouldn't, you know, I wouldn't say that if I didn't know it. There may be other programs that are more specific for the neurodivergent diverse. But I've worked with many, many, many parents who have had children on the spectrum or ADHD, and they found it incredibly useful. So hopefully that answers your question. And I was also— and Sally or Sonal, I would just— I would love you to join me. Grab that extra bonus if, you know, if you're thinking this is going to be something that you would really like to invest in, then grab it and you can get that extra bonus of the meal times. Um, and I will be so delighted to send you my favorite book. Um, if by any chance you've got that book, I'll send you another one. But, um, you know, just take action. Uh, you have the option to, uh, you know, you have the 14-day money-back guarantee, so there's really little risk. You, you know, just give it a chance. If you've liked what I've said already, hand on heart, I really believe that you'll enjoy and get a huge amount of benefit from the program. So just, I would say go for it. If you're still on the fence, do ask me a question, but if not, I would just say go for it because you know what price for a happier family life? What price for bringing out the best in your children? Having them feel confident about themselves, having them be resilient, having them speak up for themselves, having them feel really connected with you so that they can come to you if they're in trouble, they can share their feelings with you, they can get things off their chest, they can, um, learn how to express themselves. That is a massive gift for your child, for now and for the future. We need to really protect our children— we, sorry, we need to prepare our children for their future, um, so that we do the absolute best for them for having a happy future where they feel confident. And I can honestly tell you that you will get a huge amount from this program. So if you have any other further questions, then do stick it in the chat box, um, but if not, I will probably finish it because I've gone on for such a long time. Anything else that, and that you would like to learn to ask me? Can I get signed up this evening after leaving the webinar? Yes, you can, Sally. Yeah, sorry, I should have made that clear. Um, you just need to go to that— it's open till midnight with the special offer, but you just need to go to that link. And you can sign up tonight. Yes. And if you wanted to consider the premium package, which involves the sessions with me, I'd be absolutely delighted. You still get to come on the group calls as well. And when I released it last year, I had two lots of parents, at least actually, that did both the premium package and came on the group calls as well, and they found that really helpful. So that's something you might want to consider. I don't know, you know, perhaps if you're saying that you've got a referral and you might want to tailor it a little bit to, to yourself. But either way, I'd, you know, whether you come on the premium package or the starter package, I'd be very delighted to have you on board. And anything else that I could help you with? Okay, well, unless there are any further questions, um, it looks like somebody just came back. Um, if, if you, if you've just jumped on here, um, and wanted to ask a question, I'm here answering any questions that you'd like to ask me. If you're feeling like you're unsure, on the fence, then you've got some reservations, please ask. But maybe you've just left it on Okay, I think I am going to end the webinar and just say thank you so much for joining me. It's— I've thoroughly enjoyed talking to you all tonight, and I've loved how interactive you were. And I will just say Thank you and goodbye, unless you've got anything else you wanted to ask me. No. Oh, okay. Thank you again. Going to discuss with my husband tonight also. Okay, brilliant. Anybody else? No.