When your kid says "I hate you," resist the urge to punish. Instead, name what they're actually feeling: anger, frustration, disappointment. Then invite them to say it differently. Kids are impulsive and flooded with big feelings. Shutting them down stops the conversation.
'I hate you! You're the worst mummy in the world!' We might respond like this: 'How dare you speak to me like that! You're being a spoilt brat! All I do for you! Right, that's it, no iPad now!' Now, if you're a parent interested in a more compassionate response to a little one who is naturally impulsive, egocentric, and full of big feelings, then you might want to try this: 'I get it, you're so upset. 'Because I said it's time for bed. That made you feel like you hate me. I don't want to be spoken to like that. So how about you try saying, "I hate going to bed and I'm cross with you." That's more polite.' Now, our kids may not always be receptive to this, but using threats and labelling them will shut down their ability to connect and listen to us. Does this make sense? Comment below and let me know.
