A parent explains why forcing your child to hold your hand in a crowd backfires. Instead, acknowledge what they want, restate the safety rule, then offer something fun like star jumps once you reach a safe spot. Respect lowers resistance and builds cooperation.
You're in a crowded area with your child. They try to pull away and let go of your hand. Our typical response would be, 'No, stop that! You need to hold my hand in here whether you like it or not. I don't care if you don't want to. It's not safe. And don't you kick me! Right, that's it, no treats for you.' I want to inspire you to try something different instead. You've been sitting in the car a long time and you've got a lot of energy to burn. This shows that you've understood how they feel. It lowers their resistance, and it also shows you're on the same team. Even though we're in a crowded place, you want to run about and let go of my hand. This expresses their desire. You're not saying that you're going to let them do it. Here's the thing. I need to make sure that you're safe, so you have to hold my hand while we go and buy some snacks. 'When we get somewhere safe, maybe we can do some star jumps together to burn off energy.' Now, you might be thinking the above takes so long, and why don't kids just listen and do as they're told? The truth is, when we learn new and not necessarily obvious ways of talking to our kids, it has a tremendously positive impact on our relationship and their willingness to cooperate. Give it a go and let me know what you think.
