How You Can Overcome Imposter Syndrome [Ep 6]

Welcome to the thriving TherapyNewer podcast. The show for ambitious therapists who are ready to unapologetically make more money, scale their impact and build their dream coaching business. I'm Carly Hill, therapist turned coach turned CEO of a seven figure online business. I created the Thriving Therapeutic podcast because I'm obsessed with helping big hearted therapists outgrow the office and build successful and sustainable online businesses. So if you are wondering how you can continue make an impact without sacrificing the life you love, welcome Therapreneur. This is exactly the place for you. Think of it like the business school we never had. I am so excited to dive in with you. Let's get started. Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Thriving Therapeneur podcast. Today we're going to be talking all about imposter syndrome. I'm all snuggled up in my office with my blanket and coffee this morning. Of course I have my lacroix. This is my natural habitat that I live in. And when I was taking requests for podcast episodes, this was a common theme. How can I overcome my imposter syndrome when I am starting coaching, When I am on my entrepreneur journey? So buckle up, we're gonna talk here all about this phenomenon because it's not actually a diagnosis. We know that as therapists, it's not in the dsm, it's not actually a syndrome. It's rather this phenomenon that high achieving individuals will be seen as a fraud. It's very, very common as well. A study came out that said 70 to 80% is the average number of people who experience this imposter phenomenon. And it's because we're always evolving and growing. So it's going to come up time and time again as we spiral up and hit new levels. We're lifelong learners. A wise woman knows she knows nothing. That's one of my favorite quotes. So, of course, as we hit new levels, the fear is going to creep in and we're going to maybe feel like we're a fraud or fear that we will be seen as a fraud. And I just have to debunk this first and foremost and tell you that you're not a fraud. You're not an imposter. I maybe don't even know you, but I can tell you that you're not an impersonator, a deceiver, a hoaxer, a fraudster or a trickster. That's the real definition of an imposter. A person who pretends to be someone else in order to deceive others, especially for fraudulent Gain that is not you. And I know you know that. So if we can just change the story right now, because I feel like imposter syndrome is such a buzzword these days. And we're starting to identify with this story more and more, and it's not helping us move the needle forward in our business. And I use the word we because I'm human. And I've struggled with this too, especially as I've hit new and new, higher and higher levels in my business. So we need to constantly remind ourselves as we are growing and evolving that we are not a fraudster, a trickster, a hoaxer. We are not trying to deceive people for fraudulent gain. Now, I know that this can show up for you in many different ways, which is why we can identify with it so much. Where we attribute success to luck, or you attribute your success to someone else, maybe your mentors. You don't take compliments well. That's really common. The type A perfectionism kicks in. You're overworking, you're spending tons of time on projects. Let me know if any of this is resonating with you. You're like, yes, Carly, check, check, check. This is me not feeling intelligent enough. I feel like this is a big one that comes up with therapists because we love to learn and we've been to school for so long. We have master's degrees, PhDs, we have certifications, every letter of the Alphabet. There's always so much to learn that we feel like we have this ever evolving, not knowing enough vibe. Maybe we fear success. It's not even the fear of failure, but it's the other side of coin. What if it actually works? Can I handle it when it does work? Maybe overestimating others while underestimating yourself. You think this is only possible for other people? Maybe self sabotage to cover up the feelings of inadequacy, feeling the need to prove yourself, feeling like you're still working on it yourself. So who are you to teach it? That's probably one of the most common ones I see. Like, you're a spiritual coach. You're still working on your spirituality. You're a life coach, still working on your life. You're a relationship coach, still working on your relationship. I'm a business coach and I'm still working on my business. I think I will forever. And there's nothing wrong with that because again, we're always evolving and growing. We're lifelong learners. The newsflash here is we only have to be 10% ahead of our ideal client. You don't have to know it all. You don't have to be the expert above everyone else. You don't have to be the best of the best. You just have to be the best that you can be. Let that sink in for a second. The best that you can be. So why are you struggling so much with this? Usually it's because we tend to be so outcome oriented, right? We're ambitious go getter therapists. We're outcome oriented. So if you're struggling with any of those things that I just mentioned, ask yourself, what will make you not feel like an imposter? Is it because your ego is trying to rip you out of the present moment and drag you to a future time and tell you that when you complete that something or when you finally reach that something, then you won't be a fraud anymore? It's kind of like the grass is greener on the other side type thing. It's like when you complete it and only when you complete it, then, ah, you won't be a fraud anymore. Or maybe because the ego likes to do this too. It's treating the present moment like an obstacle. You ever do anything and it feels really hard, like as you're like trenching through mud, it's really hard to get through the task the day to day because everything is an obstacle. That's the ego treating the present moment like an obstacle. You ever hit a detour when you're driving and you're like, dang it, now I'm going to be 15 minutes late. But never do you look at that detour and be like, wow, thank God that detour is there because I can actually get to my destination. There's a way for me. And maybe in that detour there's a gift for you. Maybe there's a learning or a lesson for you. Maybe you hit the detour and find a garage sale. How awesome is that? It's the silver lining. So what I'm trying to say here is we tend to be so outcome oriented that we forget to have fun. We forget to focus on the present moment. We forget to focus on the process because we're so focused on when it's done, when the business is finally done, when you're finally hitting X amount income, when you finally have X amount of clients, when you finally have X amount of members or followers or whatever, then you'll have made it or be successful. And again, that's just the ego. We're making it about ourselves instead of other people. And we're not leading one service when we're so outcome oriented. Let's talk about the cycle of how this could actually show up for you. Because usually a trigger or an event happens. Then you overwork to cover up the fear of feeling like this fraud or you procrastinate as one or the others. So typically the procrastination looks like long periods of procrastination followed by short burst of overwork. So it could be a mixture of both here. Then the event is over, you give yourself a review or your mentor gives you a review, ultimately telling you that bravo, what you did was awesome. You put yourself out there, you get validation that what you did was okay in some capacity. But because you're high achieving, you don't internalize that approval. How I was speaking about earlier, how it's hard for people to take compliments sometimes. So you don't internalize that approval because you think that it could have gone better. And maybe you obsess over this constructive criticism here and then you're back in the cycle again. So again enjoying the process here, not focusing so much on the outcome and is going to help you in your relationship with imposter syndrome. I think imposter syndrome always comes down to two lies that we tell ourselves. It's either one, I'm not good enough for this, therefore it's not possible. Or two, I don't know enough. And this is an opportunity to give yourself evidence that it's possible. Anything any other human being has done is proof that it's possible for you too. Most people look at other people's stuff and say, wow, they can do it. They were meant for that, but not me. And we create this divide. It's so common that we create this divide and we have this comparisonitis, that's what I call it, where we look at other people and we're scrolling on social media and we're like, yep, they're doing it. They were meant for this, but not me. But that's just not the truth. We can look at things and choose to be inspired or intimidated. The choice is yours. So we have to come back to this oneness. It's like when we look at the ocean, we don't see the waves separate from the ocean. Right. We also have to come back to this life force, our spark. Like the second we were conceived at this like soul fragment. And we haven't changed from that. That's still within us. Yes, our body is different, we're a different age. What we eat is different, what we watch on TV is different. But that energetic signature that we have has not changed. It's still burning inside of us. And that's what has to come through. Life is actually designed for us to live in that energetic signature every single day, for us to live in awesomeness every single day. Now, of course, we hit dips and lows and highs, but generally speaking, that life force, that spark, that energetic signature, that burning fire inside of us that we had when we were conceived is still there. And we're meant to live our best life every day. I was on the boat last weekend and there was dolphins all around, and they were just so happy. And there was little baby dolphins and they were just jumping and they were under all the bridges, and I was just looking at them and I'm like, wow. Like, they're just living their best life. You look outside, I mean, I'm in South Florida, and you look at the palm trees, you know, like, they're designed to just live their best palm tree life. Like, we are designed to be creative. That is the best gift that we can give to other people is to bring forth our own spark and let that be seen. But we're so afraid. Afraid of what other people are going to think of us. No one likes a perfect person. And to tell yourself the story that you're not good enough is egotistical. You're making it about you. So stop worrying about what other people think. Stop trying to impress people and ask yourself how you can add something of value to someone's life. That's the question you should be asking yourself. How can I add value to someone else's life? How can I be of service? When you lead with service, you always win. Instead of thinking, who am I to teach them about X, Y and Z. Who am I to sell this program at X price? Who am I to be a coach? You could have all of the who am I thoughts imposter syndrome thoughts in the world. But as long as you can get your client the outcome that they came for, and you can give them a piece of you and your creativity and your soul and your energy, and you can help them because I know you can. That's what matters. So this is about disassociating your feelings from the outcome you provide. We already know that we're not our feelings. Right, Preaching to the choir here. Our feelings aren't facts, which is why we have to challenge them. So really bringing yourself back to the facts of the outcomes you know you can provide and allow that to be your focus. And remember that you don't have to solve all the problems in the world. You're not a God, a guru, a genie. You just have to be steps ahead, 10% steps ahead, if not more from your ideal client. I would say 90% of us are our ideal client. Maybe we had to walk ourselves through something and now we're walking other people through through it. So if you can take anything from this, it's. We're designed to live in awesomeness. When we're vulnerable, people fall in love with us. Selling is just a transfer of enthusiasm from one person to another. Allow that life force, that life spark, creativity, enthusiasm to come through as you're leading with service and you're providing something of value to someone else's life. It's not about you, it's about someone else. I heard this story, this analogy. I love analogies because it bypasses the conscious mind and our subconscious mind just freaking gets it. If you're a lifeguard, or you're a lifeguard in training, rather, and the head lifeguard goes on break and somebody starts to drown in that 30 minutes they went on break, person in the pool is drowning, what do you do? You're not going to be like, oh, wow, I'm a fraud. I can't actually save their life. I'm going to wait the 25 minutes till the head lifeguard comes back. No, you're diving in the water whether you're a lifeguard or not. Because it's not about you. It's about service. It's about other people. We have to put ourselves aside. We have to allow ourselves to be a work in progress. Imagine Steve Jobs never came out with the iPhone one because he wanted it to be perfect. So we have to be okay with, I call it doing C work. It's not a plus plus work, it's C work. I live religiously by this 8020 rule. When I first heard this, I adapted it and skyrocketed. Because personally, I am a type A perfectionist person and I like to ruminate over my stuff. But if it's 80% okay, we move the F on. That's the 8020 rule. Being okay with doing C work, it's good enough. We're allowing ourselves to be a work in progress. You will always get better and do better. So give yourself grace. Do the imperfect action. It's better than no action at all. It's like you're building a muscle when you go to the gym for the first time. Your form isn't going to be perfect, but you're okay doing the imperfect action because it's better than not going to the gym at all. When you're trying to create a program to help someone with their life or relationships, you may think that you can't solve all their problems and you can't. You're not supposed to be the end all, be all, but that doesn't mean that you're a fraud. We often make it out to mean something way more than it actually is. So what do we do about it? I think abundance mindset is really key when it comes to imposter syndrome. Knowing that there's room for everyone to be successful, you are right where you are supposed to be. And if you're getting jealous of someone else's success, that's telling me that you actually have a desire for more success. And that's fabulous. Sometimes when we're speaking about money and you're maybe you're getting jealous of how much revenue someone is bringing in because you want more financial security and it's burning inside of you. I think maybe you put money on a pedestal and you internalize all of your happiness and attribute it, all of your happiness to finances. That makes me sad because true abundance is having a wealth of time, of freedom, of doing whatever you want to do when you want to do it on your own terms. It's not just money. So reel yourself back in so you're not stuck in envy and just use other people's success as evidence. If they can do it, you can do it too. And remember that you're not new to manifesting. Nothing in your life has showed up because of luck. Even if something was a complete synchronicity, maybe you can't conceptualize how you got there. It doesn't mean you're a fraud. It means that things showed up in your life because you were an energetic match to welcome it into your life. Everything up into your life at this point is because you either manifested it consciously or subconsciously. So when you feel like a fraud, you have to ask yourself the question, how can I change my energetic vibration to attract better things into my life or business? You have the power. And I know that seems cliche to remember how powerful you are, but this is it. You are driving the car. If you have mentors or guides, they're in the passenger seat with the map. Just because you have a guide to take you to the top of Mount Everest doesn't mean it's not going to be hard. They're guiding you there. But you're in the car. You're at the steering wheel, driving it forward, moving the needle forward. So ask yourself, do I actually have imposter syndrome. Or am I just fearful? Am I just unprepared when it comes to taking action towards success, Changing that narrative, changing the story that we're telling ourselves. Because if we constantly are repeating to ourselves, I have imposter syndrome, I have imposter syndrome. That's not going to help you. Allowing yourself to know that you're a work in progress. You're just shifting from focusing on the outcome to the actual process so you can have fun in it. It's like this creative project and maybe just know you need some extra puzzle pieces to feel prepared when it comes to taking action. Maybe you're just missing some strategy pieces. So are you actually struggling with imposter syndrome? There's a big difference. Telling yourself that you have it because it's a common thing we talk about, or just feeling unprepared and self sabotaging because of that story. Maybe it's just a lack of confidence. Maybe you're just over criticizing yourself because you're not meeting your very own expectations that are maybe super high or unrealistic because you are type A and perfectionist. So take those actions as a learning experience versus a critical experience. We learn from our mistakes. This is a really good challenge. I dare you to to fail 10 times next week. Welcome. Quote, unquote failure. I hate saying that word because I don't really believe in it and I'm a neuro linguistic programming practitioner and we believe that there is no failure, there's only feedback, which is the truth. But for the sake of teaching purposes, I'm going to dare you to fail and to fail often, which is the opposite of feeling confident. But if you can get in the habit of asking yourself what did I learn from this experience versus what did I do wrong? It's gonna be incredibly powerful for you because you could be avoiding or hiding, taking action AKA procrastination because you're so afraid of making these mistakes. So just set a task for yourself. Follow through regardless of how shitty it is. Just allow yourself to be new. When we're walking or crawling for the first time, riding a bike for the first time and we're constantly falling, we're not judging ourselves for being new at walking. No, we allow ourselves to get hurt, to fall down, to make mistakes. We learn from them and then we proceed. So we don't want to set these unrealistic goals either because that is really going to set ourself up for failure. We want to set smart, realistic goals and then take baby steps to work yourself up the ladder. I call it the ladder of believability. So set some goals for next week, some realistic goals. But if your goals don't scare you a little bit, they're not big enough. So set some goals, some realistic goals for next week. Take your actions and just dare yourself to fail. Welcome it. See what happens. Because I guarantee that you are going to have so much more success than you thought you would. You're going to have these aha moments, and it's just going to be so cool, and I can't wait to hear about them. So if you are taking me up on this challenge, please DM me and be like, carly, I dared myself to fail, and this is exactly what happened. I can't wait to hear. Sometimes it's just fear, too. We're afraid of the response or rejection that we're going to get from someone else. Again, we're making it about us instead of leading with service. It could be the outcome that you're fearful of. I talked about the fear of success way earlier on in this episode, and I think about the book by Gay Hendricks, the Upper Limit, or it's called the Big Leap, actually, but it's all about the upper limit and how we are actually afraid of success. Like, can our life actually be this good? Can it get better? And we have to affirm that my life gets to be this freaking good and even better. It's always this or something better. It's always this or something better. So the action and the outcome is different. Release the outcome. Just do the damn action, and then get really curious about what is on the other side of fear. I decided a few years ago that fear was always going to be part of my business because I love taking risk, and I take risks that most are not willing to take because I love quantum leaping. And I know that taking risk and investing in my business and trying things out and. And failing is what's going to lead me to the next big level. So I knew that fear was always going to be a part of this. And so I decided, all right, if fear is always going to be hanging around, it's always going to be on my shoulder. What do I want my relationship with fear to be like? What do I want it to be like? And I decided that I wanted it to be curious. I wanted to get really curious about what this relationship with fear was going to be like. What was on the other side? And I played this what if game. What if X, Y, Z could actually happen? What if it could turn out to be this awesome result. And then I would go do the action. I'm going to leave you with this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt that says, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Reminding you that you have the power. You're driving the car, you're moving the needle forward in your life and in your business. And starting your business is the best, top secret way to go on this personal journey. So welcome failure. Remember that you are good enough for this, that you know enough, that you lead with service and you will always win that. When you come back to this creative life force spark that you had when you were conceived, people will see through that. And when you transfer that enthusiasm from yourself to another person, it's going to be contagious. Stop worrying about what other people think. Stop trying to impress people. Add something of value to someone's life. Remember, it's not about you. Don't be egotistical. You are good enough. And when you tell yourself you're not good enough, you're making it about you. No one likes a perfect person. So how do you get started? Dare yourself to fail. Get really curious what's on the other side of this fear and take the first step. My love is with you. I hope you got some gold nuggets out of this episode. You're leaving feeling inspired. You're taking action and keep me posted on your journey and how it's going to. I am cheering for you always. I am rooting for you. I am in your corner. You got this. I love you. Thank you so much for listening to the Thriving Therapy podcast. I hope that this episode has inspired you to reduce burnout, work smarter and see the freedom potential you have as a therapist. We would love to have you inside the Therapist to Coach Accelerator Facebook group where we have live trainings and cheat sheets on all things marketing, sales and adding coaching, ethically and legally. I am here cheering you on and I'll see you around.