191- Courage to Leap & Lead with Vered Kogan, part 2

You've got courage to leap, courage to lead. Be brave and be bold. Whoa, let it roar. Welcome to the Courage to Leap and Lead podcast, where each of our guests share the stories of courage that helped them become powerful leaders. Before we start today's show, please remember to visit courage-consulting.com. Where you can find all the episodes and other excellent resources, all at courage-consulting.com. Now, here's your host, Leadership Courage Coach CB Bowman.

So this is going to sound like a silly question. We have this shell that protects us.

Right?

If there's an opportunity to be better, and in our mindset we know it's an opportunity to be better, why does this shell still stay there? Why can't we just go and it's gone?

Because it won't be gone until, until those parts know that we got the learnings that we needed to get.

Ah.

If we didn't get the learnings about how to take better care of ourselves, our unconscious mind ain't gonna let us do what we consciously want to do. It's gonna find a way. There's gonna be some event that's going to just hit us over the head. So, um, that's the way it works because we need to get the lessons. That's the only way. We must, uh, challenge the old beliefs. We might shift— we must shift our mindset. And we must elevate our consciousness. Einstein said we cannot, you know, create new solutions from the same level of mind that, you know, created the problems in the first place. And of course, that's not an exact quote, but the essence of it is there, right? So we, in order to create new solutions for ourselves personally, for our teams, our organizations, our families, our planet, we must go inward. and see what is happening in our inner world. You know, it's been said, as above, so below, right? Our outer world is a mirror reflection of our inner world, always. So if there's something going on in our life— somebody's made us angry, somebody cheated us, whatever— it's a time to go inward. Why did this happen? If I'm able to perceive it, if that entered my consciousness, there is a lesson to be learned. So I need to pause. I need to label the emotions that I'm feeling. I'm feeling angry, I'm feeling frustrated, irritated, uh, whatever that might be, whatever emotion. I need to activate my heart and give compassion, um, change again my, my chemistry, feed the field with more love. And then I yield the overattachments, these old programs that created the event in the first place. I call this play. Playing the game. P-L-A-Y. Pause, label, activate the heart, and yield that oversignificance, the overattachment that created the suffering in the first place.

Pause. Yes.

Label.

Label.

Label the emotion. You've got to connect with the inner system. You've got to bring it into the working memory. What are you feeling? Actually labeling the emotions as specifically as possible, that in and of itself helps to self-regulate the body. And then if we want to work with the kind of underlying energies, we have to activate the heart. We need to change the heart rhythms. We have to work with the heart rhythms, because if we don't, then we're not going to change the unconscious baselines, these, these unconscious belief systems. We can't just do it with the head alone. We have to activate the heart. That changes the heart rate variability pattern going to our head brain, which then creates a whole brain state a body synchronized state, we're radiating more love into the field. That's when things change. That's when we can access a new perception, right? That's when we can access new solutions, reconnect to what's most important, shed some of the stuff that is not really important, and make better decisions.

With all due respect, this sounds very touchy-feely to me. Isn't there a shortcut?

That is the shortcut. It takes exactly 2 minutes to pause, to label, to get coherent, and then to yield some of the overattachment. And I'm happy to guide you through it.

So, okay, let's say that, um, well, what, what example can we use and apply it?

Well, let's see if there's something that's going on in your life right now. And again, we're just going to do one quick round, maybe to soften it a little bit, where you're still feeling some negative emotions about. Is there anything?

Actually, I was thinking, I was thinking broader. I was thinking, suppose, suppose you weren't successful at a project that you launched.

Okay.

Now, my way of approaching from what I've learned is that you sit and you do lessons learned. It may be similar to what you're saying, but you go through each step and you analyze what went wrong, what you could have done differently, and what the results could have been. And when you finish doing that, Then you have sort of a cheat sheet of how you might make changes if you were to relaunch this.

So yes, that's a great idea. And we're still limited to the ideas, lessons, solutions, um, from the same level of consciousness. So I'm still in the box. So I want to shed some of the dense energy that led to that issue in the first place, release those emotions so I could be more coherent, access my intuitive guidance, and access learnings, um, that are beyond, uh, that which I could consciously come up with. We have to engage the unconscious system. It will create, uh, new and different solutions.

So there is another trend that you see everybody or the executive level talking about, which is psychological safety. Is that related to this mindset shift or mindset zone or mindset health, whatever it is that you want to label it?

Absolutely. Because for me to create lasting— again, that positive, lasting, sustainable change, there needs to be enough safety in the system where my— movement toward a goal, right? What I want, that desire is greater in momentum than the resistance to it. So if a part of me wants it and a part of me doesn't want it, I— safety comes from addressing what it is that is the resistance, softening it, maybe completely releasing it, and adding to the desire, right? Visualizing, connecting with why I want the change, helping my body to imagine as if I've already done it, which again helps to create more certainty. So yeah, it's all about psychological safety. The inner you know, our inner system of parts is all about safety. That's, that's it. You're the number one kind of highest prime directive of the unconscious mind, which runs, you know, upwards of 95% of everything we think, feel, and do is, you know, to run and preserve our body. That's numero uno. It's not to make us happy or have fun, right? It's about survival. So we have to work with the unconscious system. And when there is conscious-unconscious core, when we, we have this, um, coherence on the inner system, then we can access our higher guidance.

So let's take, for example, um, a female that's in an abusive situation. Okay. Where does she start? To gain the courage to move on.

Yeah. So multiple answers, right? One answer might be that she heard about, let's say, a facility or a center in town or some helpline that could help her. Yet still she needs the courage to pick up the phone. Yeah. So sometimes that courage comes from so much pain. Like let's say there was a situation where her children saw her being abused and she said, "I do not want my children seeing this. I do not want them growing up like this. I'm gonna make the call," right? So it's a that that could be you know a situation. It could be that a friend of hers in a similar situation was able to get the help, which again told her unconscious mind that it's possible for her too. And again, she may make the call. It might be because she had done some work on. Uh, self-compassion, self-acceptance, worthiness. Yes. And that courage may come, uh, sometimes. Um, but if, if we— because somebody—

I'm sorry, but if we were to use your P-L-A-Y system, how could that help her?

So she would play that game. Um, You know, to to create more harmony in her inner system. So what she would do is let's say if she wanted to play that game, she would pause. So pause kind of what she's doing for a moment to go inward. Yes. So I'm not talking about a moment of distress of you know the active abuse. Yes. So a moment where she would pause, she would label how is she feeling, right? So as she focuses, let's say on her situation or on the issue or problem, what are emotions that are coming up for her? Maybe fear, maybe regret, maybe another variation of it. She's scared. Maybe she's worried. She's anxious, right? Or disappointed in herself or in others. You can see many different things. Maybe she feels abandoned in some way. So, so she would label all of the emotions, maybe even the ones that have the most intensity for her. If she wants, she can give it a number from 0 to 10. Where is she feeling it in her body? So let's say it's 9 out of 10 fear and she's feeling it in her heart. Let's just say. So then the activate the heart, and there are many different tools for doing that that I train on. She could get coherent, and I'll guide you through that. Another technique is to use emotional freedom techniques, tapping. Another technique could be Havening techniques, which is another psychosensory modality using gentle touch to the face, the arms, and the palms of the hand to release and self-regulate the system, release the emotions, and again, self-regulate. Um, or, you know, it could be a forgiveness technique called Ho'oponopono. I mean, there, there are literally many, many techniques that my clients, uh, utilize. There's a toolbox of them. So, so let's say she paused, she labeled she's feeling fear, 9 out of 10 in her heart. Then she would get coherent. So coherent, um, could be, uh, you know, especially in a moment where she's actively feeling the fear. To pause for a moment. Again, imagine that her breath is flowing in and out of her heart or chest area. So she's focused in her heart area, and she's just self-regulating the body, imagining the breath flowing in and out of her heart, breathing slower and deeper than usual. And she's doing that for a few moments to just find a nice smooth rhythm in and out of her heart that again synchronizes the autonomic nervous system to get her ready. to activate a positive feeling. Then she may activate a feeling of appreciation, let's say, for support systems in her life, or maybe she's feeling love for her pet or her children or her parents or whatever, right? But she's activating some feeling of love that sends a whole different batch of chemicals into her body, one of them being DHEA, which is a vitality hormone that has an offset effect to the cortisol, the stress in her body. Different signal going up to her head brain, a different heart rate variability signal going to her— excuse me— head brain, which controls all of the executive functions, the thalamus in her brain. She's able to, to see solutions. All of a sudden she may say, well, maybe I should ask for help. Maybe, right, I should, um, you know, I can talk to a friend. Maybe I can write so-and-so. And then that is the beginning, right? That's the first step, the courage to make the call to to listen to the podcast episode, to reach out for help, um, to shift her situation. And she can access her heart's guidance and say, what is the best path for me? From a coherent state, when she asks, she will get guidance. Her heart already knows what is highest and best for her. And so if she pauses to ask that, it's called non-local intuition. It comes in through the heart when we are in a coherent state, in a pleasant feeling state, when we're not in distress, when the body is feeling that sense of safety, uh, then we can ask for guidance and we will receive it. And, and when she trusts that and she takes those actions, good things are going to come.

Okay, give us an example, if you will, of how do you use the Play System with— it could be fictitious— with one of your clients who is concerned about their company? For example, their company's profit margin, let's say.

Absolutely. Absolutely. So let's say again, a leader has some fears, anxieties, concerns around profit margin, maybe some doubts because of, you know, not yet having evidence that things are going to meet the objectives that they set out for the quarter or the year or whatever. What they would do is they would pause. They would label, how am I feeling? Again, I'm feeling scared. I'm feeling worried. I'm feeling anxious, whatever that might be. And they would get coherent, focus their attention in their heart. Let's say if they use that tool, right? Breathing in and out of the heart slowly and deeply, imagining the breath going in and out of the heart. They would make a sincere attempt to activate or experience a regenerative feeling like appreciation or care for something or someone in their life. And then they would again ask for guidance, right? What is the best path here? What's most important here? And they will get some guidance, and that guidance will help to soften, to ease. So they may not yet have the evidence, um, in the external world, but they just— they're just not that worried. Maybe, uh, let's say the worry or the fear was, you know, 8 out of 10, and it went down to 3 or 2 or 1 or 0 out of 10, right? It's just— they're just not as attached to that outcome. They're able to think more objectively. It's almost like— imagine a triangle, and there's the polarized parts. Part of them says, you know, yes, we've got to achieve this, right, which is fear-driven to the extreme. Another one says, no, it's not possible, or something like that, right? There's this polarization going on. They're essentially— it's almost like the tip of the triangle when they're coherent, right? After they play the game, they're more objective. They're able to just soften some of the fears and all of that. And from that lens, you know, it's just lighter. They're able to think, they're able to It's almost like, you know, access a very kind of, kind of peripheral vision kind of perspective. And, and they come up with new solutions. Maybe I should talk to this person. This is something that I can do. They can access solutions that their unconscious mind didn't give them access to before.

I hear it now. I hear how valuable this touchy-feely stuff Can be in a real tough hands-on world, you know, or hands-off, whichever way you look at it. I love the idea of what you're saying of getting in touch with yourself so that the angst doesn't rule. Instead, you allow yourself to see beyond the immediate action And think of the possibilities.

That's right.

That's really what we want to get to is what are the possibilities here?

Right.

Let's not just be stuck here.

Yeah, that's right. And we are being guided. And so the idea here is how do we release these old attachments? How do we help the protective system to feel safe, to trust that we'll be okay? If we take those actions, if we, you know, do the thing that is new or different. And like I said, then, you know, things have a way of showing up in our life.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, you have heard Vered talk about a new way of approaching and looking at problems in your life. It follows the courage model in a way that we haven't thought about before. And I encourage you to look at and to think about her model called play. I will see you next week. Thank you so much for tuning in today. And Verrett, thank you. We'll see you next Tuesday on Courage to Leap and Lead.

Thank you so much, CB. It's been such a joy. I honor your work. And if people want to learn more about play, more about how to shift their mindset, They can find my podcast, which is called The Mindset Game. So they can go to themindsetgame.com. We've got lots of conversations and tools and techniques to be able to do that. They can find me on YouTube, Vered Kogan, on LinkedIn, or visit momentuminstitute.com. Thank you so much.

Great. Reach out and solve your problems.