202- Courage to Leap & Lead with Tammy Barlette, part 1

You've got courage to leap, courage to lead. Be brave and be bold. Whoa, let it roar. Welcome to the Courage to Leap and Lead podcast, where each of our guests share the stories of courage that helped them become powerful leaders. Before we start today's show, please remember to visit courage-consulting.com. Where you can find all the episodes and other excellent resources, all at courage-consulting.com. Now here's your host, Leadership Courage Coach CB Bowman.

Hello ladies and gentlemen, it's CB Bowman. It's Tuesday and it's Courage to Leap and Lead. And today we have a really interesting guest. There are not many times where you meet a female who is a pilot in the military and helps to train other pilots. So we're in for a special treat because she does very specialized work for the military now in that she helps pilots overcome their fear. So let's find out more about the courage that she's bringing to our men and women in the military and outside of the military. Welcome, Tammy. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. It's nice to be here.

So tell us a little bit about you as a young gal and how you got to be where you are. And tell us about your parents. I mean, You're doing courageous work out there. So start from the beginning.

Yeah, the beginning. Okay. Well, I was born in Minnesota. I'm a, I'm a middle child when you talk about the same parents, but I have multiple levels of other siblings that build later in my life. But my parents got divorced when I was, I don't know, about 1 and a half. And my brother was like 6 months old. My sister was probably 4.

Wow.

And so my mom was single and on welfare and food stamps and all, you know, all that. And we, I honestly, I didn't know the difference. She loved me and that's what mattered. And I think that's really truly when people ask me about parenting and we maybe get into that later, but as long as your kids know that you love them, that is what they need. So, you know, some people could say rough beginnings, but it was, it was what I knew and it was, it was happy and I had a lot of, you know, family around. And she got—

what? I'm just gonna interrupt you as we go along because my mind strikes a chord.

Okay.

At that younger age, how did you know that your mom loved you?

She just, um, she gave me what I needed. I mean, and she, and she showed the love, you know, she, she provided for me. And she Took me— I mean, and I— we, we didn't do a lot of things because we didn't have a lot of money, but we spent a lot of time with family just hanging out and playing games. And, you know, I think she just showed her love not only when she showed it to us, but when, you know, she interacted with her siblings and, you know, how they cared about each other and took care of each other when things were troublesome. I think that's really where it came from. Yeah.

Did your mom have conversations about your financial situation? You know, I am— I heard a comedian talking. It was one of the Wayans brothers. I think it was the youngest one was doing the show, and I watched it last night. His mom had passed a few months ago. It was very touching. And he said— of course, he was a comedian, and you know the Wayans brothers— and he said, my mom always showed us incredible love. She made sure that we had Christmas, and even though my father didn't believe in Christmas. And I thought, back to my childhood. And I thought, how do children know that their parents love them? How do they define love? Was it— and did it change as they became an adult and were able to verbalize it and figure it out? But, but what is it? Was it hugs? Was it kisses? What was it for each person?

You know, I mean, for me, I think it was just her just Always being there. You know, she was—I wake up and she was there, and she'd make breakfast, and she made sure we got to school, and we had clothes that we, you know, needed. It might be hand-me-downs, but you know, and I didn't know the difference. And you know, you think about other kids maybe went to the pool in the summer. We took the hose and played in the sandbox in the backyard. I remember this, and it was—I have wonderful memories of that. And you know, some people think, well, this is—they might look at and think, this is all I can do for my kid. They probably think, you know, oh, this is terrible. The kids don't know the difference. Their world is so small, and whatever you expose them to, as long as you do it, you know, with good intention and happiness— and it doesn't have to be something expensive and amazing, like a sandbox with a hose, go for it. Just be okay when your kid's messy and brings sand in the house. That's how you can ruin it. You get mad on the other side, right?

Well, I think you have such a good point because I see myself, how parents grew up in a household that was struggling financially and then became successful. And then they want to give their kids everything. It's trips to Europe, it's this sports, it's that sports. And I say to myself, how are they learning to deal with life? Yeah. And what you just said, a hose in a sandbox is really all a child needs. You know, with the hugs and managing the upset over sand. I think that's beautifully said. So yeah, tell us more.

Yeah, I mean, another example is, I remember on special occasions, mom would go rent a VCR and a movie. And we could watch a movie in the basement.

I love it. I love it.

Yeah, I mean, it's— it doesn't have to be the big things. I think it's how you approach it, you know, and how you— if you're like, oh kids, this is all we can do, or you can be like, hey, this is what we're doing tonight, you know, people grab onto your emotions. It passes around, you know, like if somebody's crabby in the house, it kind of spreads.

Yes.

I wish happiness was spread as quick, but it still does spread if you let it in. If you, if you open up and be like, oh, this is fun, this can be fun, you know, we don't have to go anywhere.

I love what you're saying, and I wish more people with money, uh, listen to this because it's so true. It's all about What is that energy level that you're bringing into the house, regardless how much you have? And even, you know, you hear about kids that get everything, and yet they're so unhappy.

Oh, yeah.

It's the energy level. Yeah. So growing up, it sounds like you had a wonderful childhood. What did your parent— what's— what'd your mom do?

What did she do, like, for a job? For a living. So she was a hairdresser and she would perm and cut people's hair in our basement.

Yeah.

For extra money. That was, you know, because my dad did pay child support. He was, he was a great dad. They were just divorced. So I mean, she got his child support and then she made some money cutting hair. And, you know, we got the smell of a perm is forever in my brain. The old ladies would come and get their hair permed and sit under the dryer in the basement, but they were great ladies, and my mom would chat with them and we get to know them. So yeah, that was, uh, that was there. And then my mom did get remarried, um, and then that relationship ended after many years, and she got remarried again when I was in 9th grade, and she's been married to him ever since.

She found the right one.

She did. Yeah.

Oh, what a great love story. Okay, so then what happened? High school, then college. What'd you study in college?

Yeah, that's a funny story. Um, I, I went to— so I did college in high school, so I got a couple years done in high school because I was kind of tired of the immaturity of high school students. So I went full-time to college instead my last 2 years. at a community college, and then I went to the University of Minnesota. And I had been interested in the military, and so I asked someone who was in my community college class who had been in the military, can you tell me about this? Because I'm interested, but I don't know anything about it. All I know is what's in the movies. And as he was Navy, and I said I was thinking about the Navy, and he said, ooh, I think this is great, but I think you should think about the Air Force. And I said, well— and this is probably 1994. And I said, well, why? And he said, well, they're just, they're a little more advanced. They treat their people better. They're, as far as how they're treating women, they're a little more progressive. And I thought, oh, okay. So what I did was I went to the University of Minnesota and I was doing all this by myself. I didn't have anyone helping me with college, so I just figured, I guess I'll go to the University of Minnesota cuz I don't know how else to do this college searching thing.

Mm-hmm.

So I showed up for my, you know, 2 admissions and then I asked them when I was done, I said, do you guys have Air Force ROTC here? Because I knew I wanted a degree. I wasn't going to just enlist. I wasn't— I wanted to get some more education. And they said, oh yeah, it's in that castle-like building around the corner. It really does look like a castle. And which is funny because I remember walking around the edges of it thinking, this is creepy. Um, but you open the door and it's just like any other building on campus. And so I ran into somebody and they said, can I help you? And I said, yeah, I'm looking for Air Force ROTC. They said, oh great, you're right here. First floor is Air Force, second floor is Army, third floor is Navy. You're in the right place. And so—

Wait, so for listeners, what does ROTC mean?

Reserve Officer Training Corps. So when you go into the military, you can either enlist and be more like the workforce of the Air Force, or you can become an officer, which would be like lieutenant, captain, major. You have to have a degree, so you can either become an officer through the Air Force Academy ROTC, which colleges around the country have an ROTC program. So you can go to a, like, a normal college, if you will. Not that the academy is not normal, but it's different. Um, or you can, if you already have a degree, you can go through the Officer Training, uh, OTC. I don't know if it's— I don't know what the C stands for. Officer Training Corps, I think. Um, so yeah, ROTC is how you can go through college and train for the military at the same time.

So I've heard that some of the high schools, like here in Colorado, have ROTC.

They do. It's a, um, it's, it's a basic introduction, uh, but it's definitely not as intense as collegiate-level ROTC programs, because when you're in the collegiate level, you actually have a commitment depending on if you have a scholarship or if you— because you can get scholarships, and that's That's where my degree comes in with the story about my degree. But so a scholarship to a military school, how do you get a scholarship to— well, it would be— the scholarship would be for the University of Minnesota but paid for through Air Force ROTC. Okay, I didn't join their program. So basically what happened, I walked in and they said, well, do you want to be a pilot? And I thought, what? I mean, that's a typical question for Air Force ROTC, 'cause that's why a lot of people go to Air Force ROTC. But I just wanted to serve my country. So that was the first I'd ever thought about it. I didn't know any pilots, definitely not female pilots. And I thought, that sounds amazing. I wanna do that. I was a tree climber, a gymnast, a rollercoaster kid. So I said, yeah, let's do that. And they also said to me, well, you have a great GPA, we can get you a scholarship, a full ride, no problem. And I was like, oh, that's perfect, let's do this.

You know that you wanted to serve your country?

I don't know, I just love— I just love serving in general. I just love— like, if somebody says, what's your passion? My passion is helping people. If, if I see anyone who needs help and I can help them, I'm gonna do it. So service was just in my heart. And then you'd see the military movies, and I, I love being part of a team. I would— I'll be on stage all day with the team, but I really— being on stage alone is difficult for me. So keynote speaking at first was a little bit like, um, until I realized that being on stage keynoting is about the audience, it's not about me. And when I realized that, I was like, okay, I'm okay with being on stage then. But I love being— I love being part of a team. Love it.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. All right. So then you walk into this castle, and you get hit with, do you want to be a pilot? Can I just ask you, how do you know? Because I, I can't fly without taking medicine. I have an imbalance in my inner ear. How do you know that you like being on a plane?

I know it's a stupid question, but It's not stupid. I you don't. I mean, there's some people. I mean, I got carsick, so it was it's chancy, right? And some people don't like roller coasters. I loved roller coasters, but I did get when I started training, I got sick. I had to get over it, and your body will get over it. And if your body doesn't, the Air Force will put you through a program where they. They— you go fly and then you go into the physiology department and they put you in this chair that has a big hula hoop ring around it and they spin you while you turn your head around.

Oh no, no, hell no.

They basically force your body to get used to it. It's brutal, but it works. I didn't have to get that far, but you know, I was going through training and some of my buddies were complaining about how difficult it was. And I said, well, at least you're not trying to rip off your mask and throw up and then Tie that— sorry, but tie that up and then continue on because you have to keep going. Like, there's no like, oh, we need to stop.

I am in a state of shock. I can just— I have been put in the hospital for being airsick on a plane. When I got off, I had to go straight to the hospital. I cannot even imagine what you're talking— it's making me dizzy thinking about it.

We can move on. I'm sure people aren't appreciating me, my conversation here.

It's a great conversation. But I can imagine it. I would just say, I'm out of here.

It wasn't— it was not pleasant, but I trusted the— I trusted my leadership, and they said, you can get over it. People get over it. And I said, okay. I— like, for a long time, I could only eat dry toast before I flew. I couldn't even put butter on it. But eventually it got to the point where I could do whatever I wanted. But if I didn't fly for a while I would feel it again. So I had to be cautious of that.

Okay, so medical question. Did you actually have an imbalance in your inner ear, or was it just a psychological—

No, I mean, I think some people are just prone to airsickness, just like, you know, the people who get carsick. I mean, I was prone to it, but there's, you know, your body will adjust. I mean, most, most people's. There, there's a— there's an occasional person, very rare, that didn't make it for air sickness. And there's also the occasional person who fought through it the whole time, because the first aircraft you have to fly is a— it's a small aerobatic airplane where you're going upside down and you're spinning and you're—

Oh my God.

Um, that— but you can, when, when you move on to the next aircraft in training You don't have to go— I went, I went the fighter track, which continues that kind of, you know, flying upside down and whatever and fast. But you can go on the heavy track where they fly more of like a Learjet, a little corporate jet looking thing. So it's much more stable and not— you don't go upside down. And I don't think you bank more than 45 or 60 degrees. You know, that's it. So.

Right now I'm thinking you're just a little crazy, but that's okay.

Well, that's where a little bit of naivety comes in. Where if I had known some of these things, I don't know if I would've signed up. Um, so, but once you're signed up and you're committed, I have a no-quit mentality. I will fail out before I bail out and I'm going to keep going. And so I got through things I would've never gotten through had I known or had more choices. I mean, we're really, people are more incredible than they give themselves credit for.

That's true.

And they can get through a lot more than they think. But your mindset has to align with overcoming. If you believe you can't overcome, then you won't.

I— that's so well said. So well said. It's so— it speaks to my lane of courage. Absolutely. Okay, so you sign up for this craziness. Yeah. And, um, when do you start getting into the plane? I mean, do you do your academics first, or how does it work?

No. So what happens is, so I went to the ROTC program and they said, okay, I think we can get you a full scholarship. And so while I'm going to college, just like every other college student, I'm enrolled in classes that are Air Force ROTC classes and they go on my transcript. Um, my freshman year— I did college in 3 years because remember I had done 2 years of college already. So my freshman year I went in to see the colonel because about my interview for my scholarship, and I was told with my GPA it would be no problem. I could get a scholarship. And I sat down in front of him, and I don't know if I'd ever met him one-on-one before. Like, I mean, he's a full bird colonel, and I was sitting in his office and he said to me, okay, so now you, you realize you're probably not going to get this scholarship, right? And I said, what? I was, I was, I was told it wouldn't be a problem. And he said, well, I had, I was, I had, um, identified myself as having being a psychology major because they said that that was one of the degrees I could get a scholarship for. And he said, well, they decided they're not giving scholarships for psychology degrees anymore, so you can, you, we can get you one if you want to be an engineer. a meteorologist, or a nurse. And I said, no, thank you. I don't want to do those things. Thank you for the money. But— and not everyone would take that path, but if I'm going to study something every day for years, I want it to be something I'm interested in and have a degree that if the Air Force isn't for me in the end, I come out with a degree that I want to work with. So I started my psychology courses. I did lab psychology and I said, I don't want to do this. This is not for me. So what I did was they had a program at the University of Minnesota called the Intercollege Program where you could submit, um, an application and identify what degree you wanted. You want— you could like create your own degree and you had to put the proposal together and what classes you were going to take. And so I got a degree in gerontology. Do you know what that is?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, I figured you did. So the social and psychological study of aging. And people always would say to me, oh, what are you gonna do, study old pilots? No, but I love the elderly. I always have. I love working with them. And I mean, so my degree was basically— I, I worked at a you know, a center where they had, you know, like assisted living apartments. And they had— we do— I do the recreation with them. I actually drove them in a limo to a funeral once. But, you know, like, I just love them. And I was like, well, I'm gonna study something I like. So that's what I did. Because they said, you just need a degree to be a pilot. We don't care what it's in. I said, okay, that's what I want.

Now, how are you going to get the money for school if your scholarship was denied?

Well, um, I got my second 2 years— so I was in the program for 3 years— my last 2 years I got $2,000 a year plus $150 a month and some money for books, because as an upperclassman in the program you get that. They help you pay for some stuff. I used financial aid. I got a little money from my dad, and I, I got some scholarships just by applying through financial aid. And it, it's really sad looking back because I thought, oh my gosh, I could have gotten a lot more scholarships if I had just applied. I didn't know, but I didn't know. I didn't have like it. My mom didn't know. She didn't go to college. She helped me in so many other ways, but that just wasn't her area. And so I just kind of did financial aid and paid it off as soon as I could.

Plus there's so many obscure scholarships that people don't know about, regardless of whether your mom and dad went to college and knew this and that. But yeah, really weird stuff. And I didn't find out about that until way after I had graduated from college.

Right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So that's my degree, gerontology. There you go.

Okay. All right. So you're prepared for when you get old. I love it. Okay. Okay. And so then next, what happened next?

Yeah, so I got commissioned. Once you get your degree, You, and you complete the ROTC program, which is, they go together at the same time, you get commissioned as a second lieutenant. So on June 19th, 1998, I got commissioned as a second lieutenant. And my first assignment, I showed up and I think it was the end of August at Scott Air Force Base in Illinois as a casual lieutenant, meaning I am going to pilot training because you have, you have to apply while you're in ROTC, you have to apply for a pilot spot. You have to take a bunch of tests, you have to pass a physical. And I did end up getting a pilot slot, as obviously the story goes. But so pilot training was backed up.

Can I ask you, when you— so you did your academics and your ROTC, what were you doing in the ROTC part?

You learn about military history, you learn about leadership, you do physical training. Um, in the, the summer between your Sophomore and junior year, you go to field training, which for me was 4 weeks down at Lackland Air Force Base living in like open bay barracks where, you know, you're all, you're all laying, you know, in beds right next to each other and they get up and scream at you in the morning and you go march and do PT and fold your socks perfectly and your bed perfectly. And yeah, a lot. It's a lot of leadership training, a lot of learning how to follow as well. And a lot of physical training. Yeah, that's what we did.

There's a— there was a TV show on last year and the year before. And it mimicked, like, Top Gun training, where they put you through all these tasks. And I was mesmerized by it. Jumping off of cliffs, just the whole experience of it. And so did you have to do any of that kind of stuff?

I didn't jump off any cliffs. There are— I mean, there's some challenging things that some people wouldn't want to do. I mean, most the stuff, I would say that kind of thing came more with the aviation and being a pilot than with just being in the military. We did do obstacle courses. I mean, some people might think that's, you know, that's tall, you think you're climbing over But, you know, and I guess we did— I'm trying to think if we did helicopter where you get picked up in a helicopter and pulled up by a—

Yeah, or like they had to jump into ice-cold water and survive.

No, we, we didn't do all that stuff. Yeah, we didn't have to do extreme stuff like that. No.

All right. No. All right, so you go on as a casual pilot, a casual lieutenant.

I wasn't a pilot yet. I was just a lieutenant.

Okay.

So I was just attached to a squadron for about 9 months, and then I left there and I went to— in, um, March of '99, I went to Laughlin Air Force Base in Del Rio, Texas, which is 2 hours, 2 and a half hours west of San Antonio on the Mexican border. So you're really far. The nearest target is like 2 and a half hours away. So we were really isolated at this base, but it was great for training because It kept you focused. And if we wanted to go have fun, we could go to San Antonio for the weekend. But, you know, we were pretty much all in this base studying and working together. And pilot training, it's, it's intense. It's 1 year of training, and it's 12-hour days and lots of flying, lots of sweating because it's really hot down there, and lots of work. But it was a lot of fun too.

So I like how you added in the fun part. So you're learning all the mechanics of a plane as well as, you know, how to fight, or are you just learning the mechanics of the plane?

You just— yes, you just learn how to fly initially is what you do. So the first aircraft you fly, for me it was the T-37, which is a side-by-side seat, dual-engine aerobatic jet. We'd wear a parachute and a mask and a helmet and all the jazz. Now it's, it's the T-6. It's the same concept, but the seats are tandem and it's a turboprop aircraft instead. But it's the same idea. They teach us systems. So it's funny because I remember sitting in class and they were talking about hydraulics and I'm like, what on earth is hydraulics?

Yeah.

So I had to learn a lot of things that I was completely unfamiliar with. Being surrounded by mostly men with engineering degrees who wanted to fly since they were 3. I could have taken that, that those 3 things and gone, oh my gosh, I shouldn't be here. But I didn't do that. My thought was, I earned my place here. I passed the test. They say I'm qualified. I'm here. They'll teach me what I need to know. So that's the mentality I had throughout pilot training. And I'll be honest, looking back, there were a lot of moments where I wish I'd raised my hand and asked a question. And I learned that later in life and later in more intense training that I had. But when during pilot training, I would just listen. And if I didn't understand something, I would go ask some one of the guys in the class I trusted, hey, what does that mean? And I'd get, you know, caught up because some of the stuff was very new to me and a Very overwhelming. And it's overwhelming for those who understand those concepts to begin with, because it's intended to be like that. It's a fire hose effect.