From Rags to Middle Class 2010 PodCast featuring Oscar Gutierrez and my son Ryan at the age of 14

young kids. And he was, you know, at the end of every show— yeah, he was kind of like the grandfather everybody wanted.

Of homeless kids. Of homeless kids. Who don't have grandpas.

Of non-parental kids. Anyway, he would end his show by saying, like, "All you kids are special in your own way, and you can do whatever you want." That sounds a little bit like Sarah Palin's—

Feud.

With what?

The R word, remember?

Oh yeah, well that has nothing to do with it. But listen, let me finish my little thing here. So he said— well anyways, Fox News was reporting that some college psychologist somewhere, I forget where specifically.

Canada.

Did a study— no, in the US. Did a study about how He feels that thanks to people like Mr. Rogers, today's youth, indicating you and somewhat I because I grew up watching Mr. Rogers as well, that that's the reason why they feel like the world owes them something, that they're so narc— narcissistic, is because Mr. Rogers used to end his show by saying, "You're special and you can do whatever you want." That's really—

that's a quote.

That's literally what they're— that what that—

do whatever you want.

Not do whatever you want, but you know, you're at your—

you can do anything.

Yeah, you can do anything.

What's wrong with that?

Well, apparently, you know, studies show that from the mid-'80s till today, there's a rise— there's a rise in narcissism, and they think— or this college professor is linking it to, you know, shows like Mr. Rogers and Other things like that.

Doesn't a father usually go, "Son, you can do anything you want to." It's like, "Follow your dreams." I mean, in America, the whole thing about—

will you stop breaking things? Seriously. What are you breaking? That microphone is like $500 and you're breaking it.

That pen is $500. Huh? What are you doing?

Can you just put it in your pocket and stop making me nervous? Fallout. Fallout. Oh, Ryan, what are we gonna do? See, now I know what Fox News is— now I know where they're coming from with, you know, kids like me breaking things and expecting everything to be okay. Mr. Rogers was an evil, evil man. Thanks for that.

I can blackmail you now. Thank you.

Yeah, I bet you can.

Off the record.

So we got about 10 minutes left, dude. What else do you want to talk about? No, we got like 7.

What are you doing?

His helicopter burger robot. He's saying that the Christians who own In-N-Out are gonna make all their burgers into robots and then will take over the world and kill all the atheists.

Is that what you're saying?

And Jewish people. Are you high right now?

Tell me the truth. No. Alright. You've been sniffing paint? Is that what you're doing?

So they only put a couple of proverbs on their cups.

There's Mr. Rogers.

See, that's retro.

I think we got a phone call. I think we have a viewer for once. It's probably my boss telling me I'm fired.

You're fired.

So, dude, tell me something I don't know about yourself.

I think you've stalked me enough to know everything.

Speaking of stalking, so you got a new— you got a Facebook now, huh?

You have a Facebook too.

I know, but you have one just recently. How's that going?

Good.

No, I can't hear a phone caller if there's a phone caller out there. You need to teach our crew how to work a phone because— It's not our crew though.

Put the PC up.

You need to bring the music from the internet down in order for us to hear the phone caller.

How's it going guys? Can you hear me?

Oh yeah, we can hear you. What's your name?

Josh.

All right, this is Jorge.

It's Jorge, dude, it's not Josh.

It's his secret identity.

So how can we help you, Josh?

Uh, you guys look like you're very nervous. Uh, can I get you something to relax, maybe calm down?

Yeah, you can get me a lobotomy, that'll help out just a little bit. You know, I like, I like, I like to think that I'd, uh, I'd rather I'd rather die as a good man than live as a monster.

Like you.

Yes.

Or, uh, what's that one? Die on your knees, then, uh, no, no, die on your feet.

That sounds a little dirty. Oh, he talked a little bit.

I put that as my profile picture.

How Ryan Can't shoot for squat.

Okay, one, one.

He used to just like run out and pull out a white flag and start waving in the air. It was really awkward.

At least I don't sit in bushes watching little girls.

Oh my God, you wish, buddy. I was sniping you from— Dude, yes I do.

When I was out without you shooting me I saw you laying in a bush.

What's that?

Did Ryan's exquisite Halo skills prepare him for Donald?

No, he kept trying to do some like infinite ammo cheat or something. It was just embarrassing, to tell you the truth.

You wish. You're like dreaming. I wish I was good as Ryan. What was that?

Speaking of dreams, you ever had a nightmare?

I don't have many nightmares anymore. Why not? Last nightmare I remember was of like Jurassic Park 3, having dinosaurs trying to kill me.

Are you serious?

When I was like 6.

How did that happen?

I watched Jurassic Park 3.

Walk us through it though.

I don't remember.

Do you just remember waking up in like the jungle, or was it like—

I also remember where a tiger was eating me.

Wow, that's pretty intense.

Or something like that.

I had a nightmare where I was killing some guy in front of the Loch Ness Monster. Isn't that weird?

Yes.

That was really awkward.

That was the night that you smoked some crack, wasn't it?

It was actually heroin.

Jesus Christ. Oh, my bad, dude. My bad.

You make me look like a scumbag.

I haven't done that already.

You haven't done that already? Nice.

That was sarcastic, by the way.

I could hear it. I can hear it in your tone.

My tone?

So can we get some more callers? Can we get the phone number back up, please?

Yeah, call us.

We need callers. Viewers, you need to call right now.

Ring-a-ling-ding-ding-dong.

And voice your opinion about what's going on in the world, about whether or not Ryan should, one, get a haircut, two—

I'm getting a haircut.

Or three, just get off this show for good.

Like Oscar.

So one of those three topics. No, no, that's a bad idea. What do you think is going on with the whole flooding in the South?

What?

There's flooding going on, like 28 people have died.

There's also that oil rig thing.

Yeah, the oil rig. What do you feel about all that?

I don't know. I don't really care. It's the South.

Whoa, buddy, whoa. You don't care? That's your country. That's your fellow, you know, patriots.

Yeah, Texas is called the Lone Star because they were a country and then they joined the US.

So you just say, "The hell with them"?

No, but I don't really have an opinion.

Okay. Well, how would you feel— How would you feel if that was going on here in your hometown? Would you care? What, an oil rig? No, like the flooding is what I'm talking about.

I don't think it could flood. There's too many hills.

No, it's definitely flooded here in the past. I've been witness to that.

What?

You have no opinion on that?

No.

Oh, Ryan.

So we have 40 minutes left.

God, it's like trying to get a dog to talk with you. I swear to God.

Rough.

Yeah, it is rough.

Play America. Say goodbye.

How much time do we have left?

20 seconds. Say goodbye.

20 seconds. Thank you viewers for— Goodbye.

I am better than Oscar.

Taking your part and voicing your opinion on community and global—

And tell everybody I am better than Oscar.

This guy needs to go on Ritalin.

What? Ritalin. What is that?

It's a drug that'll shut you up, that's what it is.

I can shut you up easier. Aww.

Stop breaking your microphone.

It's not my microphone, it's your stupid voice.

Are we off the air yet? Dude, it looks like he's jacking.

Have you ever eaten grass before?

What kind of grass? Ficus grass. Memphis bluegrass? I've had that before, it's delicious.

Delicious.

Or did you smoke it? No, it was fine. We were dying out there anyways getting this guy to talk. Hey!