A Community Recipe for Happiness

A community recipe for happiness. This is the Elevate Polk Podcast, and I'm your host, Chrissanne Long. And with me, as always, is Rob Arturi.

And I'm happy.

Are you happy?

I am happy.

So a community recipe for happiness because we like to talk about Progress, making things better, being catalysts for improving the world around us, leaving the place better than we found it. Well, those are all of the things that I like to espouse, and I think that's where you and I connect. That's our common ground. And there's a lot of progress and change and improvement and development going on in Polk County across the board. So it seems that that would be a reason to celebrate.

Well, for people like us, yes.

Right.

But we take for granted that not everybody thinks like us.

Right. It's kind of like The Gong Show, but not The Gong Show, but what's the— it's like the thing that you're celebrating, you're having a great time, everything's good, you think everything's right, and then there's this sound that is dissonance. It's just like, wait a minute, I'm celebrating, I'm hitting the love button, and then I'm reading all of these comments from people who are saying, this is ridiculous, I can't believe the city is going to let this happen, or 'Whose idea was this?' or 'This is dumb.' And I'm like, 'Well, wait a minute. This is progress. This is improvement. This is good for everybody. This is bigger than one person's opinion. This is a future. This is a vision for a community beyond our own individual what's-in-it-for-me kind of mindsets.' Yep.

I agree. And I think that the fact is whether those people complain or not, it's going to happen.

Right.

That evolution is going to take place. And I don't like to claim that my opinions are better or more right than anybody else's, because they are just my opinions. But I do think if people are willing to, if you're upset about a building or a lot being cleared to build something else or something like that, because there's some nostalgic value to you. Nobody builds, nobody develops in the desert. There's a reason that those pyramids have been there for thousands of years because nobody wants to put a shopping mall right next to one of them.

Right, right, right.

But when people are investing in the city and the county and they're, you know, your community and making changes, although you might not particularly like them, but that's a sign that there's, there's potential, there's value here. And I think you can build off of that.

So, One of the premises of like my life as it has changed is choosing happiness. And we've talked in a previous episode that, you know, there was a time when I didn't— I was more of a complainer. I was more of a negative person, kind of looking at everything going, this isn't how I want it, this is— I don't agree, or whatever. And it was kind of more of like all about me. It was my— it was a me mindset. And that shifted, um, you know, as I've kind of grown to realize that it's bigger than me. It's not about me. I'm not the focal point of all decisions that should come. You know, this is earth-shattering news. You know, as a 30-year-old, I'm discovering that the world does not revolve around me. So, but my happiness, like you said, my opinions, if somebody agrees with me, that's kind of, there's like a pat on the back. It feels good. If something, if I can be a catalyst for change or a catalyst for something good or help someone, um, that brings joy, that brings satisfaction to me. So what I think boggles my mind, and I think what you were thinking about when we put this episode together, was just the idea that people are unhappy simply because it's change and they're not comfortable with that change as they see it.

Right.

And it's a reason for them to rage against the machine or lambast the, you know, the community itself because it's something that they disagree with. And the question I guess we're throwing back at them is, is this a choice? Because you could choose to be happy about progress and the fact that someone is investing in our community and this is going to improve the tax rolls and we're going to improve as a community. We're rising. That like Jennifer, one of our previous guests from The Yard on Mass, says, you know, the rising tide lifts all ships. Well, somehow the tide has to rise. You can't just sit back and wait for the tide to flow in and say, okay, we're all going to rise together. Some action has to take place for us to rise.

It's not magic. It's not innate. It doesn't just happen because the sun comes up and goes down again. Yeah, I'm with you. I think that it's two-pronged. So one of them is, I think, youth. It's funny 'cause it's a common thread among youth and the aged.

I'm sorry, I just got a vision of my cousin Vinny when he—

The two yutes?

The yutes.

Yutes.

You two yutes.

What's a yute? I have family that talks like that, so it might slip out every now and then. But when you're young, you think you know everything. And when you're old, a lot of times you don't want to know anything else. And you kind of get stuck into this idea where I don't want to entertain these things. I don't want that. But it's a fallacy to think that you like every single piece of change that comes along. That's not the goal.

Right.

Right? It's not just find yourself a nice pair of rosy-colored glasses, but there is something to be gained from changing that paradigm a bit, and there's some ways to do that. But I also think that it's easier today because years ago you complained to your friends, not that big of a deal. Maybe write into the newspaper or something, right? Few people would do that. But now with the internet and social media, the slightest bit of angst can be out there thrust into the public square. And then others feed off of that. And it becomes a frenzy. And in my estimation, what I think it does is it just creates noise, but there's no value to it.

There's no productivity to it.

No, it's not, 'cause it rarely is it a viable contrarian view. Well, we shouldn't build this, we should build that, and here's why. It's normally relegated to, I don't like that. That's gonna be ugly. And that's not a viable alternative. That isn't any alternative.

And it assumes, or it presumes that everything that's going to happen is going to be for me, for myself. Like if I don't like something, I think that in my mind I go, well, that's cool. That's just not for me, but that's cool for who it's for. And is it for me? Is it gonna negatively impact my life? Is it gonna change me in some way that I should have a negative opinion about it? Maybe it's not appealing. Art is— the beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And so as I go to a museum and I'm looking at the Impressionist gallery of art, and then I walk into another room and it's Post-Impressionist or Modernist or Pointillism or something different.

Or a banana duct taped to the wall.

Or a banana duct taped to the wall that someone's going to steal the banana and that's going to start a frenzy. Why is this so different? Because there are so many channels and so many places for people to plug in and feel like they're connected to what's comfortable or their happy place, if you will. I always say when someone's— OK, Craig and I are on opposite sides of the football, local, state of Florida football argument. I'm a Florida State Seminole. He's a Gator. And people ask me, how do you guys do that? My brother, I mean, I love you, Bucky, but it's— there's some things that are more important than what football team you're cheering for or what school you went to. And so when, when those kinds of questions come to me, I said, that's why you go into a supermarket in Polk County. We go to Publix, right? Most of us. And you look in the freezer for the ice cream. How many different flavors of ice cream are there? Like, at least 50. Well, why are there so many different flavors of ice cream? Because everybody has a different taste. Peppermint stick ice cream makes me happy. I love when the holidays come and peppermint stick ice cream is available. I'm sad when I walk in on January the 3rd and it's gone, right? But happiness is my choice. I don't get mad that there's no more peppermint stick ice cream, or I don't get mad that Craig came home with Heath Bar Crunch and that's his favorite and say, well, that's crap, because it's good to him. He enjoys it. It makes him happy. And so at same time.

So he's the one that buys Heath Bar. I was always wondering, there's always got to be somebody.

I mean, when I was a kid, it was Neapolitan. How do you say that?

Neapolitan.

Neapolitan.

And I've read that's the best-selling one, right?

Because it makes everybody happy. You get some vanilla, you get some chocolate, you get some strawberry. And then if you're one of those people like me, you only like the strawberry, you go in that side and you dig it all out and you leave the chocolate and vanilla for everybody else. But I guess tying that back into this discussion is Every single solitary thing that's happening in our community is not going to make every single solitary person in this community happy.

Well, you use, use a phrase that I, I think needs to be in the mind of every business owner, which is not everybody is your customer.

Yeah.

Well, think about that from the other side, right? So I see a new store come in and I think, oh, Another one of those stores, right? Well, they didn't open up a business and say, what do we think Rob wants to buy? Right?

This is the Rob store.

Right. Right. So when I look at this stuff, I think to myself, another one of those stores. I've kind of trained myself to now wonder, huh, there must be a real market for this widget or that widget. And I'm not that market.

Right.

But there obviously is enough of a market where people are doing this sort of thing. And if you can separate yourself, because I think so much of this comes down to what you said earlier, which is just people need to get out of their own way and realize that you are not the center of the universe. And realize that there's room for everybody. I mean, we live in a pretty big county too. So why is this such a thing? But essentially, in the end, it's— not everybody is thinking of me and I don't need to therefore internalize everything.

Right. So where I go back to the ice cream analogy is, could you imagine a world where there was just vanilla ice cream? I mean, all of the vanilla ice cream lovers would be like, that would be amazing. But really, no, it would be boring. Blah, drab.

Sorry, vanilla ice cream lovers. Right. Choices are boring and blah.

No. That's not what vanilla is. It would just be the same thing over and over and over again. That would be boring and blah.

It's not. I'm kidding. You're not insulting.

I mean, literally the word, the term vanilla has been, has been used to describe blah. Yeah. So, but I'm not saying that in that context. My context is if there was only one choice and there was no other option, life would kind of not— there would be less happiness.

Okay. But let me, let me Let me stop you there because you say if there was only one choice. I think a lot of people who get upset about some of these changes that are coming feel like they didn't have a say.

Right.

So to them, there is only one flavor of ice cream.

It's what's been picked.

It's whatever the man sticks on the shelf.

Right.

And what they fail to realize is that a lot of that is because of their own pedestrian nature of going through life. And we've covered that person. And yep, who just would not fit in with, with our group, you know. But we have, we have the, the best intentions. This is not a happy way of going through life, right? I ain't gonna change.

Well, and it also isn't going to affect change, right? If you're angry at something and you're feeling like the vanilla ice cream is being fed to you, um, and you don't have a choice that it's there, there are a lot of opportunities for you to be a part of the decision-making process at some point higher than when it's being put on the table. But that requires work, and I think that's where the system kind of is, is set up the right way. Because not anybody who's just gonna rage against the machine and say, I don't like this, is gonna, oh, let me stop everything and change what we're doing because of this person who doesn't like this flavor. So now we have to change it for everybody. I mean, obviously this is a dystopic discussion of, you know, like there would only be one flavor. There are multiple flavors, but the fact that not every flavor suits every person is the part that we have to recognize. And if we want to see— if we see something, which I feel like I have done as much as I can because I see a change I would like to see in the community where the small businesses are higher on the list of value and priority than they have been in the past.

Right.

So I could sit back and go, well, that sucks, and people should do that, somebody should do something about that, and nobody's doing anything, and, and point the finger and point the finger. And instead of that, I chose intentionally to get into the mix and start to do what I can. Have I felt like I've made any change? I have to say, sometimes I wonder. I do feel like I'm— there's some momentum, but I don't think we're as close to improvement that I would like to see. But I do see some of the fruits of the labor starting to show up in the community, but I would like to see more. So I'm still working.

Well, and I think some of that you'll never know because you can't always know what impact you had on this person who then impacted that person who then took a step to that change.

Right. But the point is I didn't decide to just say, well, Polk County stinks. I'm taking my marbles and moving out of town, or I don't want to be here anymore, or I'm just going to sit here on the sidelines and stir the pot and pour.

Marbles? What is this, 1950?

I played marbles. You didn't play marbles when you were a kid?

I played.

Oh, my brother and I, man, I would steal his marbles. I don't know if he ever knew that, but he had like some of the prettiest colors in his marbles.

And I think if you lost your marbles—

I had this really cool little velvet bag that I had all of my marbles in.

And I had a velvet bag, it said Crown Royal on the outside.

No, but similar. But this is—

Yeah, yours was much more wholesome than mine.

But no, seriously. So, so we have that choice. And, and I think where I feel the happiest is that in knowing that I'm not just sitting around doing nothing. Right. And I honestly don't have a positive opinion about everything, but I choose to say, well, that's probably just not for me. Somebody is doing a great job at doing something for another group of the community, and that's great and I support it. I don't choose to say, well, this is stupid, who thought of this idea? And, and contribute to a negative vibe that, like you said earlier, kind of perpetuates and turns into a very nonproductive distraction. Right. For what all is there, there is that is good in the community.

But some of that, I think, is because The people who are most unhappy aren't the ones who don't necessarily like the change. They're the ones who feel powerless. They're, you know, it's one thing to say, sports is a good analogy for this because if you, you know, every game, well, most games, somebody wins, somebody loses. And I always wondered if the people that were playing the game are as mad that they lost as many of the fans are. I think the fans get mad. I think the players may feel disappointed. But I think when the fans are sitting there just watching, you know, you can't get out there, and despite yelling as loud as you want at the coach on the television, he's not going to change the play. And you can't get in there and actually do anything. That breeds frustration, and that breeds anger. Whereas if you are on that sideline, and you are giving your best and it doesn't work out for you.

Well, you're impacting the outcome in a way that you can't from the television screen or even the sidelines.

Right. But that has— even if the inevitable outcome is the same, whether you're the fan or the player, team still loses. Even if that happens, I think there's a perceptual difference in how you approach things for the next, next game.

Right, right.

That's why you have fairweather fans who just can't take it.

Well, and let's talk about the elephant in the room, us both being Florida State fans. This has not been the happiest of seasons for us.

No.

And there hasn't been anything we can do about it.

Right.

Along the way. But I still maintain that I am a Florida State fan, loud and proud. By golly, I will always be a Florida State fan. And that was for my friend Brad, who said I always have to say by golly on every show. I've missed a couple, so I'm back at it.

As the customary, by golly.

Right. But I choose to be happy in spite of that. The outcome of a football game should not determine how happy I am in general and my general life's work. Right? Right. I still have to get up, go to work, impact the people in my life, be a part of my family, be a good steward of the community, do whatever I can to be a happy person. And one bad season, two bad seasons. Gosh, I hope that's it.

I sure hope so.

I will continue to be happy in spite of other losses in the future.

But it's because it's your team, whether it's your team or your city or your county or whatever it might be. There's a perceptual basis here that it's, it's, you know, they're my team till I die. Or, well, I liked him. I was a Gator fan when Tim Tebow was playing. And then when FSU had all those great years, I became an FSU fan.

Right.

And then now I'm back to a Gator fan.

No, now I'm going to be a Clemson fan.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Right.

So, but, you know, so going back to what you were saying about having a voice and feeling disempowered because the man might have, you know, just decided this is what we're— what we're going to get. And, you know, that is That is the state of things. I think there's a tendency in general to take that approach because we don't feel empowered around us to take action and be a part of the solution. So before we started the show, we talked about ball fields. If you don't like something you see, have you volunteered yet?

Right.

And I think in the context of what I have seen from every single angle in this community, there are places for people to affect change if they choose to take action. If they sit on the sidelines— we talked about this in another episode, I don't want to sound like we're a broken record, but in this context, it does seem like the, the noise is getting so loud that we need to remind people that there are committees in the community, there are task forces in the community. I had a— we had a recent Bridge local meeting where we had a Zoom insider meeting with Mayor Mutz, and there was a member of the community who questions, and he's kind of on the periphery at this point in time. Bridge is his first connection to have a direct dialogue with the mayor. And I called it out and said, you know, hey, why don't you set up a meeting? He's right here. He'll tell you how to connect with him, how to sit down and have a meeting with him. And I've done that a lot. This person actually took me— took it up and did it. Not took me up on the offer, but suggest— took the suggestion and sat down with the mayor. Now that's taking action. You know, the commissioners are here to serve the populace, the voters, and they are all accessible by email, by phone. I'm a realist when it comes to feeling like I don't have the access to a member of the community like that. So I'm just urging anyone who feels like there's something that they want to vocalize or share to reach out to their commissioners because it is— they are accessible.

Yeah, they're not going to just— it's not as if they go door to door and one day, anything I can help you with today, you're gonna, you're sitting in your easy chair watching, you know, The Price is Right and Bill Muttz is gonna knock on your door and say, hey, I'm just checking to see if everything's good.

Anything I could do?

You love the city, everything about it? No, go talk to me. That doesn't happen.

Right. And it shouldn't happen because it's parody. I mean, it's silly to think that that is how something would happen.

Right, right. But people do put them in a position that give you the idea that they think that that's how things happen.

Right. Nobody's asked me what I think before.

Right. But you see, this is the interesting part about it because just as social media and the internet have made it easier for people to complain en masse and for negativity to flourish—

Breed negativity.

Right. And exponentially just grow. That social media, that internet connectivity has also made it easier for you to get involved and do the things that you could, you know, before for many years, the best you could hope for was to like be a part of a city, you know, council meeting and get up to speak or—

Right. Town hall meeting.

Town hall type. But that's not the way it is. You're not relegated to that nowadays.

Right.

There are ways to interact and to be heard. So it's funny at a time where people are still just as negative about the fact that they feel insignificant and ignored. And that feeling is so easily shared because with other people, they can in minutes connect with so many other people who feel the same way. But yet they fail to realize that if they just use that same skill in social connectivity in a positive way, they could be heard. They could connect with those people. It doesn't mean that the eventual outcome will change. Just like I could scream at the TV, they're not going to change the play. There may be things that are outside of your purview that it's just not going to change because you want them to. But I do think that it does mitigate some of the angst if you're at least heard. But in 2020, I'm sorry, folks, if you're not being heard, it's kind of on you.

Right, right.

It's up to you.

There are channels, there are places to go. There are people who want to hear what you have to say. You know, we are people who want to hear what you have to say. I mean, we actually, we actually have a platform, a channel in which we can start a dialogue. You could bring us a question or a concern and we can help you find the person who can help you do something about it if you present it to us with, I'm looking for solutions. If you just want to share a problem and you don't really have an interest in seeing the solution being met without it being a perfect solution. I think that's the problem. It's like peppermint stick ice cream is the perfect solution for my ice cream desires, but I could be happy with something else if there were another alternative opportunity there, because not everything is, you know, all about peppermint stick ice cream, you know what I'm saying? So it's like you can't come and say, I'm not willing to compromise on a potential solution. I'm willing to see a way forward, even though it might not be exactly what I think I want to see.

Yeah. And, you know, it's funny, I think about— there's a— I forget what city it was. I know it was up north because there was a lot of potholes. And when they plow snow, And the asphalt, it tears it up.

Right, exactly.

A lot of potholes. We don't have nearly the potholes down here that we have up north. But I remember a story of a mayor that got elected and just didn't do much campaigning, but prioritized city resources to fix all potholes.

Mm-hmm.

Focused on one area.

Right.

And was like the most popular mayor in the city's history. Because he fixed a pain point for all these people. Now, that's great if that works that way, right? That's an extreme example and not applicable to most places around the country, certainly not Polk County or Lakeland or Winter Haven.

But, but let's talk about the resources and maybe the rest of the story. The untold part of the story is that The resources that were allocated to fixing potholes may have been having to be pulled away from resources that were needed for other priorities in the community.

Right.

But by golly, we solved the pothole problem.

Two in one episode.

I had to make up for a lost episode.

But yeah, you know, you're right. You're right. So everything comes with a cost.

Yeah.

So sure, maybe the, you know, they just killed all the animals in the, in the, you know, the animal shelter to divert divert all resources to filling potholes, but it's what's on the public's mind, right? But nowadays, I don't know that that same logic would work. It's a very old example. But real life example, I have a streetlight out right diagonal from my house, and I have neighbors who complain about it. It's been out for like a couple weeks. And I just think to myself, have they called anybody?

Right.

I mean, do they just expect Lakeland Electric to just drive around every night, all night looking for a streetlight out?

Right.

Because if that happened, they would complain about their inflated budget and the cost of electricity and everything else to do that. Right.

There is a process for reporting these kinds of things. There are— outages and—

Yes. I've specifically not done it because I want to see how long they're going to keep testing your neighbors. Yes. It's a little social experiment I have.

Well, and on the same side of that coin, is also that there's— there are different departments doing with different tasks. And I'm just going to say that if you're someone who says, well, they go around finding all of the problems with a certain situation or issue, maybe it's, um— I know for a fact that we have a lot of small businesses that have challenges with having signs. There's certain ordinances and rules and regulations about their signs. And if you put You put a sign out in the wrong way, like a temporary sign, if you put it out, pretty much there's going to be somebody by the end of the day driving around telling you, "Hey, you can't do that," and then fining you and reporting you and documenting all of this. So on one side of the coin, we don't have all of the resources we have for, you know, hey, every outage across town, but we do have the resources to police some of these situations, and it doesn't feel like it's balanced. Right? It feels like there's, there's not enough on one side, but there's too much on another. And the reality that, that from my standpoint is that if, if we're just complaining and not looking to seek balance, or not looking to seek a solution that works for everyone, because sometimes there may be some flaws in the policy, there may be some, some interpretations that are not exactly the way that they need to be, and a reasonable person approaching a reasonable argument to a another staff member or person might be able to affect change. But bashing the city or bashing the staff or bashing this or bashing that is not a way. I mean, if you come and tell me, you know, flick a bird at me because maybe I didn't see a stop sign or something, I'm not going to be your friend. I might not realize that I ran the stop sign or didn't see the stop sign. But if you're kind and you approach me at the stoplight down the road, hey, there's a stop sign back there, I'm going to be, oops, sorry, I missed it. So we have to kind of figure out how do we convey the right messaging where we're not feeling like we're combative every single time there's a solution we want to see, because maybe there is a chance that we can make that change. But I can tell you that I would not react positively to some of the negative forces that are out there in a social media environment.

I think that our municipal workers and our county workers are certainly sensitive to that.

Right.

Because they're the ones that have to deal with it. The people who make the decisions are often not the same ones that have to field the calls. So there is a disconnect there. I think, just to kind of balance it a little bit, I do think that some of the problems that our municipalities have is that they do not message very well. I always hear the Citrus Connection.

Tax?

Yes, but the PR person who does the commercials for them, I know her, we worked together years ago, but One of the things that they say in that—

Aaron Killebrew. Aaron Killebrew.

Yes. So one of the things they say is we do the best we can within our funding. And it just kind of reminds people that, hey, listen, we have a set budget. They give us X, we do the best we can with X.

Right.

And it's subtle. It's the economist in me. I pick up on that. I don't know if a lot of people do or if it's subliminal subconscious, but, but that's an important thing in terms of messaging. You have to incorporate that sort of stuff.

Yes.

That there are not infinite resources.

Right.

Nobody ever wants a tax increase, but then they really want more stuff.

Right.

They want faster, better, bigger.

And they're more concerned about the advantages that they're going to have for themselves, the indulgent happiness as opposed to the equanimity of a community.

That's a good word.

We all have to be balanced in what we can and cannot have from a finite resources standpoint, right? So there is not infinite amount of funding, and there is not infinite amount of resources to be able to provide every bit of level of, of happiness making, if you will. So we have to figure out what, what is— who is this for? Again, I go back to that, and maybe it's for someone that isn't me. And I'm hoping that that helps people to see that the city operates, the county operates, the municipalities, the staff, everybody operates for a bigger picture than one individual segment of the population. Um, and so they're— hey, quite frankly, I'm just going to say there are people out there that don't use social media.

Who are these people?

Right, there are people that just don't have a Facebook account or an Instagram account or a Snapchat account or listen to podcasts. We don't like to know that there are people that don't, like, listen to podcasts, but it's a, it's a, it's a reality. So hurtful. Everything has its place, and all of us have a job to do that can make it a better place. We can all contribute to a better place if we can contribute to the community, maybe filtering a little bit of the negativity and, and the unhappiness that's that brews when someone passes something negative. Oh, I can't believe they did that. Let me hate on that. Let me hate on that. Let me hate on that. Or just let I hate, quietly dissipate. You know, somebody's angry, they need to vent, they need to vocalize. Yeah, me too. No, you know, take that out. Stop for a second and say, am I perpetuating a negative thing that's going to create more negativity, or can I actually contribute to this in a way that might create more positivity or more happiness in the community?

And we should also qualify this, that this does not apply to that sliver of the population who just wants to watch the world burn. People who find perverse enjoyment in just negative. These are people who have deep-seated issues and nothing will make them happy because they don't really want to be happy.

But it does apply in the sense that we don't— when we find someone like that, we probably should run the opposite direction.

Right.

We should certainly not fuel their fire.

Right.

If we know them in real life or in some sort of sense of the word, find a way to tell them how negatively they're impacting or how it seems so negative to them. I know that's a hard conversation. I don't know that I could really truly honestly have that with, except for a very small group of people.

Yeah.

That's if I know them. It's pretty personal, but it's normally if they're angry at the world. Yeah. We can't necessarily solve that, but we don't necessarily need to perpetuate that.

Well, that's the problem because those people are in the social media pond with a bunch of, let's say, modestly irked people who aren't necessarily off the deep end, but these same groups can rile each other up.

Right, right. Pit it against each other.

Right. So I think the only thing we can do is to just be mindful and remind people that But if you're swimming in that pond and you're not off the deep end, you know, what's that famous skit, Debbie Downer, you know?

Right.

There are better ways. There are better ways than just shouting at the world because you want to be heard.

And here's a disclaimer for anyone who thinks that I am Pollyanna. All right? Because I am not. And I am also not a Debbie Downer. But there are situations that I'm aware of that I'm having private conversations about, um, on things that I think are important and that we can do better as leaders in the community, and that can be changed for the better as it relates to the things that I'm passionate about, which is small business. But I do not bash the community at large and say nobody cares about small business, you know. So there's a way to approach it. It's a slow way, but it is a more productive, proactive way than it is— and I will be honest, there have been times that I wish that I I should post what is exactly going on in my mind about some challenges that I am experiencing because it would be satisfying, right? Instead, I just go buy peppermint stick ice cream. But you see what I'm saying is I don't want people to think that I'm on some sort of pedestal and that these, these challenges that they're dealing with are not real and that there's, there's no real solution for them because I'm dealing with that right now. I'm in the trenches fighting the fight, knowing that I'm not making progress, not feeling like I'm making progress, feeling like I'm raging against the machine and not getting anywhere. And I'm just— that's not changing my outcomes as a person being happy.

But you're right. But that's the— that last piece was the key, right? So to some degree, sitting around and complaining with a group of people physically satisfying, it's cathartic. I get it, you know, but it's one thing if you're going to sit around and talk about how much your team stinks, maybe the coach needs to go, that sort of thing. And that's fine to indulge in that on occasion. The issue is, is that when you start to think that by— as long as you don't have any delusions that doing so will in fact bring about change. If you can separate the act of catharsis from the idea that it's actually going to be productive, then you don't really fall into that trap, right? Because you're right. We're not— you know, the point of this podcast isn't to tell everybody all the time that Polk County is the greatest, wonderful, shiny, magical place on earth.

Right. It's not always right.

The idea is that there's a lot of great stuff here. There's a lot of great stuff coming. And we want to keep moving that process forward. Right. It's not elevated Polk. Right. Right.

For a reason.

Right.

We're elevating. We're in the process.

This is not past tense.

Right.

Right. Here's your grammar lesson for you. You know, so. But the idea is to keep working on that. So we wouldn't be here if we thought we'd arrived.

Right. We do know that there's a lot of work that needs to be done. And I just want to go back to what you're saying about indulging. So personally, I don't know what the quote is. There's Yeah, and I'm not being judgmental here, but there's the quote about talking about people. People— certain people talk about people, some certain people talk about things, and certain other people talk about progress or ideas. Ideas. And, and so there are times when I indulge in that, like talking about people, but I will tell you, I walk out of those conversations, as cathartic as they may be, feeling slimy and gross and dirty. And like, what did I just— why did I just spend 30 minutes doing something? Because that did not make me feel good. That did not make me happy in the moment. It kind of was like, like you said, satisfying. I was indulging. This person wronged me. I can't believe that they took advantage of me, my fairness, my kindness. I feel so, so angry. But when I walk away, it doesn't make me feel any better. It really makes me feel like I got down on their level instead of like rising above and taking a high road, if you will. Right.

And I don't want to Dr. Phil anybody out there listening. It's not my place. But I do think that if you are the kind of person who doesn't have that, uh, sense that when you walk out of that scenario going, "That was really a waste of time." If you don't feel that way, I can promise you one thing. Change, don't change, it's up to you. Free country. But if you don't think for a minute that maybe there's a better way, then you're going to be in that position a lot for a very, very long time.

It's kind of that trench that we talked about in another one. You got to find a way to get out of it. And it's a habit. Favorite, favorite New Year's posts from a dear, dear friend was she shared with me that she was going to really focus on the good things in people and take away some of the negative. Like, she's basically— she was letting go of a lot of these negative things that had been kind of holding her back in the last year. She sends me this message, and I'm just like, that makes me so happy. She was— I knew it would make you happy. That's why I told you. And so she's telling me this because she sees me as this person who is perpetuating a positive environment. She's a friend of mine, and I don't really spend a lot of time allowing that talk to happen because it doesn't— like I said, it doesn't make me feel good, right? So I'm usually— I'm just like, okay, change the subject. Okay, change the subject. Um, but I don't judge her for it, you know? I understand that there are these challenges and it's really troubling her and it's bringing her down. It's bogging her down, but it's bogging her down because she's choosing to let it bog her down, right? And so this year she decided that she's going to let go, and she's not going to let it bog her down. And I think if, if, if there's a takeaway for this particular episode, it is happiness is a choice, and happiness within our community is also a choice. And if we can counteract any negative things that are not working, we could do something about them by taking action, reaching out to our leaders, um, you know, use social media as a positive way to connect, reach, send an email, write a letter to the editor, do something productive. But we can also balance the problems with— there are 750 things that are right with our community, and there are a very finite number of things that are maybe needing improvement.

We have to get out of the prison of two ideas where either this is the greatest place on earth or it's the seventh level of hell.

Right.

And that prison of two ideas extends into so many areas.

Everything. Yes. —It's not black and white. There is a lot of gray area.

—And I agree with everything you said, but I would add that the happiness, to me, it's not necessarily the happiness as a destination, rather it's the pursuit of happiness. Because happiness isn't a destination. It's not a destination you arrive at. Whereas once you're there, everything's happy. Right?

No, because it'll only be happy for a minute before something's going to change and you're going to need the next step in the process.

Yes. Right. And I think for what it's worth, from a social perspective, a community perspective, and a personal perspective, choosing to view things a certain way on that journey, I think does affect the likelihood of a successful outcome. The best advice that I heard recently was when somebody says something, always assume it's positive. So when somebody says to you, you know, "Hey, that's a nice shirt." Assume that they just mean it. Don't assume, "Well, they're just saying that. Do they really like it? Are they just saying that because they don't like it?" And, you know—

There's a thing about women that we always— we can never just take a compliment. Yeah. We have to— if someone says, "That's a nice shirt," I have to come back with another compliment. "I love those shoes." Or we can't just say, "Thank you." You know, so on top of that, now that you're saying that, it's like, There is no nefarious thought behind a compliment.

It's just, it's a compliment. And even if there is, even if there is, if they don't express the nefarious thought, assume it.

Assume it's not. Assume it's positive.

Right. Because the fact that you know they're being nefarious doesn't mean they win. Rather, it means they win. Right. If you ignore the fact they're being nefarious, maybe they'll think you're naive or whatever, but you keep doing it. They're going to know you're not naive. They'll just know that you don't care, that your opinion of how they feel— you're not getting on—

they're not getting under your skin anymore.

And then you win. So, yeah, you know, not again, not to Dr. Phil, but man, this was, you know, this was some good stuff. Well, I think it's important to talk about the way that, you know, we talk a lot about where we want to get to, and every now and then we talk about how we get there, right?

And I think that the path is not a straight path. I am sure, and I would love— I welcome anybody who has a constructive piece of advice or guidance to formulate future shows based on something you heard here today, to share that with us. You know, maybe you think we have it a little bit skewed. Maybe there's not something that you see exactly the way you see it. I, like I said—

Maybe you want to play marbles with Chrissanne Long.

Maybe you have a marble collection. We can compare. We used to trade marbles. Like, I would have like these really beautiful, beautiful marbles and I would go trade for I'll trade 4 of your best marbles for my best marble. Oh, so I'm a pretty good—

I never used marbles as a form of currency, but I can see it.

There was one that I had that was— oh man, it was my— it was, it was really, really good. But I lost it in the game. Like, I lost the marble.

Like, I should not be playing poker with it.

No. So if you, if you go into a game playing marbles, you shoot. And if you get the person's marble in the game, if it's a competitive game, You actually take that marble into your possession. It becomes your marble.

There are legally binding contract with this. I don't know. So I like that.

I lost a marble and I did have to go like find a way to get it back because it was an important marble. It was more important than just, you know, the ones I bought.

That's why we'll end with this. That's why you are you. If you were not you, you would still be someplace complaining about losing your damn marble in the game. That's it.

All right. Well, on that note, we're gonna say thank you for listening and make sure to subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. And don't forget to leave us a review, but don't leave a review about my marbles, please. You can find all of our episodes at elevatepolk.com. And if there's something or someone you wanna hear from on an upcoming episode, reach out to us on Facebook at Elevate Polk.