New Year, New Me.... Maybe

New year, new me. Maybe. This is the Elevate Hope podcast, and I'm your host Chrissanne Long. And with me, as always, is Rob Arturi.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! So before we start, I have a story to tell. Every single year since I've been an adult, one which is quite a few years. We won't tell anybody that today. Um, on New Year's, I call my mom at midnight and I tell her Happy New Year. And I used to think it annoyed the crap out of her, and then I didn't do it one year because I was like, I don't want to annoy my mom. It's midnight, she's probably sleeping, I'm not gonna bother her. So the next day she called me, she said, why didn't you call me? So if you call your mom on New Year's Eve or New Year's Day or New Year's midnight She loves it. So do it. Keep doing it. And so now I do it just because she told me how much it means to her. So that's my New Year's tradition.

Well, we should probably specify that if you don't call your mom on New Year's Eve, maybe don't start all of a sudden.

She might be a little worried. Yes. She might be thinking you're on your way to Grady's Hotel.

Yeah. You didn't listen to my advice in the last podcast. So this episode is, you know, yesterday was New Year's Day. So today you are either still nursing a really bad hangover or taking down Christmas lights if you're a good American and don't leave them up all year long.

Or you don't have to worry about it because you didn't put any up. That's my story.

Well, it's getting so easy now. They have those projectors and things. There's no work in it anymore.

Yeah.

You know, it's lost something.

Sorry, I was having this conversation last night. I don't have time for another thing. So if I do it, I have to put it up and I have to take it down and I just decide not to. So it's not Scroogey, it's just because I go spend my holidays with my family anyway. So, you know.

I have these little ceramic village houses that I had from when I was young.

Snow Village, like Department 56?

Yes, yeah. The knockoffs, those are ridiculously expensive, but yes.

I have some Department 56, I don't have any knockoffs.

They're fancy ones, I have them. I have the knockoff.

But that's because my dad owned a Hallmark store and therefore that was a Christmas present we got.

Oh, you got them at cost. That doesn't count. You can't throw the Department 56 brand in my face when you're buying them at wholesale.

Oh, and you have the knockoff.

Right, right, right. I have the Kmart version. Although now they do sell them at Walmart and they make a Walmart version of the house and nothing, Nothing says 2019 or now 2020 better than having the Christmas village with your very own big box store.

Oh, lovely.

That is, that is perfect. We've come full circle.

Yeah. I'm not buying any of those anytime soon.

Yeah. No, no, I'll skip that one.

But 2020, like, this is exciting. 2020. It's like about vision.

Yes.

So you don't, you don't think New Year's resolutions are productive.

No, I think they're traditionally a complete waste. And if you listen to the likes of, I'll make a reference, an intelligent Ivy League person like Amy Cuddy, social psychologist from Harvard Business School and published author. So she says in her book, scientific analysis, this isn't just Rob's bloviating. This is her actual scientific opinion that New Year's resolutions are stupid and mostly because we as a collective group of people, we stink at actually setting attainable goals. So I thought after reading that, well, maybe we should actually talk about kind of a lighthearted episode as we prepare for a year full of meaningful, inspiring episodes. How to maybe position your resolutions so that they're not silly and wasteful and negative.

Right. So setting reasonable or realistic goals. So, you know, we'll do the whole SMART thing, you know, SMART goals. What does SMART stand for? I know.

I don't know. I'm in a holiday fog. The bottom line is this. Don't set absolutes, right?

Right.

I'm going to lose 20 pounds. I'm going to get a better job. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. Because chances are, if, if you're the kind of person that's going to suddenly lose 20 pounds, it's because you made the decision, the conscious decision on a Tuesday at some point when you couldn't button your jeans. It's not because it happened to go from 2019 to 2020. So what we do is we set ourselves up for failure because we start off a brand new fresh year with a bunch of crap that chances chances are we've said to ourselves on the first day or the second day of the year for the last 4 or 5 years, but we just haven't done it, right? And in the back of our mind, we kind of know that we're not going to do it, right?

Well, and that's, that's, that's it right there. That is the whole problem. We say we're going to do something, but we don't believe it. And you can't— in that case, that's what— not where fake it till you make it actually works. You can't fake yourself out. You know what you're going to do. You know what you're willing to do. What you tell somebody else you're going to do, what you write down on a piece of paper, what you say say is, you know, one thing, but what you believe inside your heart and in your soul is completely the powerful force, the thing that's going to drive whether you're going to succeed at that or not.

Yes. And wearing yoga pants to go get chili cheese fries is not a workout.

No.

Right? You cannot fake it till you make it.

Right. And if you put on the yoga pants to tell somebody you were gonna go to a workout and then you went to the drive-through to get your chili cheese fries, you're not lying to anybody but yourself.

Yes.

And I have done that before. I have pretended like I'm actually gonna go do something so that everybody, the perception is, "Hey, Chrissanne's gonna go do something healthy. Awesome, good for her." And then lying through my teeth, I go to do something completely different. I think you should get a pair.

That's why I— Wait, we still talking about yoga pants? Are you insulting me on the second day of the year?

No, I'm just thinking about— I'm thinking about the episode where we talked about pantyhose.

I had blocked that out from my memory. Oh, wow. So apparently bad visuals are better to start the year with than ridiculous resolutions.

Hey, we got to keep the people enjoying the show. And I think a funny visual—

Nothing enjoyable about a visual of me in yoga pants or pantyhose.

A funny visual is better than no visual. Just keep that in mind. So if you're going to set a goal, you have to believe it's attainable. And if it's not something that's within your reach, then it shouldn't be a goal.

I agree.

If it's not something you even want— I mean, weight is always a thing, you know, that everybody wants to talk about. So I went through a period of time a few years ago, I, I did, I lost weight. I set my— I finally was like, okay, this is the year that I'm going to do that. And I did it, and I was happy that I succeeded. And then for the last year and a half, I kind of have been bored with the idea that I had gotten to my ideal weight. And So now I'm no longer anywhere near where I want to be in my ideal weight. But for the first time in my life— and I think this is the part that I really wanted to talk about in this episode— is in the idea of achieving a goal, um, I don't have many. Like we've talked about before, like my, my track record in my first 30 years versus my track record in the last 15, um, You know, I didn't walk at my graduation, high school, my high school graduation. I didn't walk. Why? Because I had been shipped off to my aunt and uncle's house in Miami right before my end of my junior year. And then I lived in Miami and graduated from a different school than I actually claimed as my high school. And then therefore, college, it was a big deal. Like most— I don't know how many of the people listening didn't walk high school graduation. If you graduated from high school, it's pretty much standard operating procedure unless something happened, you were sick, you know, there was a reason, but not just because you really kind of didn't almost graduate. Like, to tell the truth, and this is— I'm not afraid to admit this— I had a, um, my graduation, um, I didn't— I, I had a— I had an attendance issue, so I didn't actually— I had the grades but I didn't have the attendance in this— in class my senior year to be able to say that I had graduated. So because my parents were administrators or my family was teachers, I ended up having to be a janitor to make up the time to get credit for being— yeah, this is the hard lessons. That's tough love.

Can you imagine that today? And you're not— you're not old. It's not like, no, you're not like, well, back in the '20s when I was in school, you know? Well, I mean, it wasn't—

It was a lesson they wanted me to learn. So, right.

But now, nowadays, when I was in school, I was in middle school, I brought a knife to school. It was a pocket knife.

Oh my gosh.

Right. I know.

You lived to tell the tale.

Apparently. So I had— I was here first year living down here from New York. Very different. Right. And I had gotten a pocket knife. We were going camping and I had it. I didn't think about it. You know, and I had it. I brought it to school and I was showing one of my friends, look at this Swiss Army knife thing I got. I mean, who could— a Swiss Army knife, right? Anyway, teacher saw it.

Had a toothpick in it.

And tweezers. Okay.

Teacher saw it.

Right. This isn't a Bowie knife or some Rambo, you know, Marine Ka-Bar. This is— it has, you know, a fish scaler.

Right.

So anyway, I go to the Principal's office, and never in my life I had a, you know, discipline issue before. So then the guy, uh, brings out this wooden paddle and he says, you know, you could have 3 whacks or 3 hours Saturday detention.

Oh yeah, I had that one.

I said, well, I'll, I'll take the detention, you know, uh, my Saturdays aren't that exciting.

You didn't want just the 3 whacks and have it done? In hindsight, come on, pick the paddle every single time.

Well, you know, I was not used to the Oh. I was not— I came up north. My father, who was still in New York, heard about this. He was ready to come down here and, you know, and it was like, "Chill out. I'm just getting attention, you know, no big deal." But that to me today seems crazy. Like, you couldn't do that today.

Right, right.

You couldn't threaten to— not even like they were going to actually do it. Maybe it was just a threat. Maybe he thought, "Ah, this is some young kid who—" Right, trying to teach him a lesson.

Yeah. Scare him into being okay.

Nowadays, he would be reprimanded for causing psychological trauma, and I would be ushered off to a safe space with milk and cookies and Disney Plus. Right. That's what would happen in 2020. Wow. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Well, in 1993, it was okay for my stepdad, who was the dean of students at Auburndale High School, to arrange for me to get my hours by being a janitor after school and cleaning the toilets and the bathrooms and emptying the wastebaskets in the classrooms. And that was some character-building experiences for me. I get it.

I, I happen to just fundamentally disagree with that. Like, if you had the grades, what is the lesson in having your butt in the seat, right? Does that just teach you to be a higher functioning individual?

Well, I think that's really the fundamental part for me, having been a teacher for 10 years. I had students who absolutely, they had the grades, but the message of school needs to be more than just achievement. It needs to also be the, the part that you have to fulfill. These are the requirements. These are the things they say. You have to have this many hours in the, in the year in the classroom. You have to achieve this, this level of, of grade point average. And you have to have— now you have to have some certain other requirements that I don't think we had when I was in school. But I, I feel like that's a good thing for us to be teaching students, that when they get into the workforce, there are requirements. It's not just Can you, can you do the thing that you're hired to do? But can you also be on time? Can you dress to dress for the work you're supposed to do? Are all of these things— can you check off all of these things on the list? All right.

I'll, I'll give you a pass on that one. Thank you. Under the umbrella.

I don't think we need this episode to talk about that.

Under the umbrella of soft skills. All right. Here we go. Well, we'll go with it. All is forgiven. Okay.

But now, as for 2020. Right. And the goals of this year ahead of us. Yes. We talked about our achievements of 2019. We, we had our wins. Now it's like planning and goal setting and figuring out where are we going to go from here.

Right. So I will harken back to my philosophical idol, Jordan Peterson. His book, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos, is— I think it should be required reading for every high school student. Unfortunately, They have demonized this poor man based upon things that are completely ridiculous and not true. And I only know of private schools that are making it required reading. But that said, one of the tenets is clean your room. Now people say, well, clean your room. That's great. It's going to mean a happy life. Well, the premise is if you wake up every day and you make your bed, or you tidy up your room, it's a win. It's an accomplishment. It's a small accomplishment. Right. But it is still an accomplishment that essentially sets you on a path throughout the day of progressively more significant, hopefully, and more impactful accomplishments. But the idea is starting with something quick, easily attainable that you can build off of. Right. Okay. Whether it's making your bed or cleaning your room or anything, but it starts you off on the right track. Yeah. If we're looking at this in kind of overlaying in terms of resolutions, well, I think the same premise. This is why I agree that, that conventional New Year's resolutions are stupid because they do that in reverse. We take like the thing we want most for the year, right? And make that our resolution when in reality, right, if you go by what Peterson is saying and this isn't just him. So if you have a bad opinion of him for whatever reason, come talk to me.

Don't write us a negative review just because we're Peterson fans.

If you haven't read the book and you want to talk bad about Jordan Peterson, we're just— I won't entertain it. But my point is that it's not just him. This is a conventional thing that has been around for a very, very long time, that starting off your day with something positive, a positive victory, is a, at the very least, an affirmation that will improve your overall day. You can scale that up to the year and look at it in the same way. So if we do that, we're not starting our day with the, the thing we want most to achieve. We're starting our day with what's most attainable. So think about it the same way. If you want to, if you want it, we'll get traditional. If you want to lose weight, then on New Year's, resolve yourself to go for a walk. One walk. Just take a walk, right? Someplace. Okay. So, and then build off of that. Right. Yeah. You want a new job? Great. Okay. Go out and start networking one time. Right, right. Same thing.

Yeah. And, and so let's, let's talk about networking. Let's talk about the important part for me of, of all of this and, and where I— somebody asked me a question a few years ago. It's like, what would you credit success? I don't know that I'm at the point where I can say I'm successful, but in the, in the, in the scheme of things, there's an upward right trend going in the direction of success. So I'm on my way there. But why I'm there, and, and the answer that I gave when they asked that question is I show up. And where I show up is not just to my own events or events that I am a part, you know, a creator or coordinator for. I show up at other people's events. And we talked a little bit about this in, in a previous episode, but I think it's important from a goal-setting standpoint. And most of our audience probably follow following us early in the early stages right now are going to be people who know us through Bridge or through the business community. Right. And if we're setting goals to be more engaged or to be more effective in our businesses as a, as a, as a relationship building outcome, we need to commit to showing up. And that's the hardest thing that I have found people to do. They're easy. It's easy for them to RSVP to a Facebook event, right? It's easy for them to show intent or interest, but it's not easy for them to make that an actual priority. And so I think when, when you set the goal, there has to be an action that says this is going to become a priority, which may mean you have to move something off the priority list. And that might mean not playing so many games on your phone. For some people, that's, that's a thing that, that's what's taking up time. So it's sure, ultimately that's a priority because it's taking the space of something else that could be happening instead of the thing that you say you want to do. If you really don't want to do it, then don't set the goal. But then don't complain about the fact that you're not achieving the other ancillary goals that come along with being a participant or an engaged member of the community. Right.

And you're the only person that got rich from Candy Crush was the guy that wrote the program, right? When he's really enjoying the fact that there's still so many millions of downloads on the game and then version 3.9, you know, 4 or 7, you know, who actually made a really, uh, I think interesting case for that really kind of goes in line with what this was, was the presentation that Jared Wegland gave at my office and more a couple, I guess, months ago. Right.

In advance of the new year, like we were trying to set our goals before it was like, oh, it's too late. I don't know what I want to do.

Yeah. Yeah. It was a, it was a really, you know, a really good thing. And I think about it because he gave us a whole bunch of swag. So I have his face on my refrigerator. With your little calendar. With my little to-do list and calendar. So shout out to Jared there. I see every morning when I get my orange juice.

Yeah. Shout out for the purple. Yes.

Team purple. So, but a lot of what he said made, made a lot of sense. It was about those, those little steps, those things that you have to do. Right. And my, in my estimation, you know, the traditional New Year's resolutions, I've said it now 4 or 5 times, I think are stupid, but I'm not going to leave it at that. I don't think that just inherently the idea of a resolution is stupid. I think the traditional ones are. So with that said, I think what I want to do is just kind of go over from a personal, from a Polk County perspective, depending upon what your goal is, something that I think you should consider making your New Year's resolution, right? Yeah. So like if you're, you know, we talked a while back about friends. And, and growing that circle. All right. And everybody wants to have a circle of influence. Everybody wants to feel important, like they matter. Well, okay. You don't get that just because you woke up this morning, right? You get that because you have something important to say and you don't get something important to say without listening to other people to know what's important. So If you want to grow that circle of influence, you have to grow even bigger than that, your circle of appreciation. So if you, if you want that, the best way to do that is just to get out there, right?

Well, and get out there with an intentional plan, a goal, right? You say, you know, you say you don't believe in the, in the resolution, but I think the resolution doesn't happen on its own without an intention. And the intention has to be followed by prioritization. So if there's something you ultimately want to achieve and it's tied to in this particular vein, this discussion, it's tied to you attending or participating or in being engaged or involved, then you have to find out what area of the community is going to best serve the ultimate goal that you're seeking to achieve. So if it's getting new clients, then you need to decide if that's something that's going to be related to this group of people or that group of people. But if it's finding more philanthropic, philanthropic opportunities, maybe volunteering in a community that needs support— I am a big proponent of the concept of giving first. So there are a lot of different variations. We've— there's a book by Bob Burg called The Go-Giver, great book to talk about like the different principles that, that are surrounding generosity and giving. But at the same time, it's about showing up at somebody else's event that will recognize the fact that you took the time out to be there. So that's pretty much the strategy that I employed as I was going out and getting involved in the— into the community. Um, yeah, you can be a sea of faces at an already well-attended event and you can enjoy yourself and have a good time. Um, but if you're going to a ribbon cutting or an open house or a grand opening event, the people at that location are going to remember who was there because there's only a handful of people that are going to come in the middle of a day to attend something like that. And it's important if you're seeking to, to build those relationships as someone who's a participant in other things. You— yes, ultimately you want to grow your business. Ultimately you want your bottom line to be, you know, solvent. Got it, understood. But that's not going to happen just sitting there figuring out that you've got all— you need all of these new deals to come in. The deals are going to come from a marketing plan or from a networking plan or from some sort of, you know, way that those things are going to come in the door. So we're really talking business. I didn't really think we were going to go in that direction, but at the same time, force of habit, you know, that's, that's, that's who we are. That's what we are. But it's It's the same thing with any other thing. If you want the intrinsic reward to come, you want to feel better about yourself, whether that's a weight thing or whatever, it's picking the things, the actions that are going to get you there. And they may— and they are small. I mean, in general, showing up at someone's ribbon cutting is no big deal, right? Unless you're terrified of people and you don't like to get out, which is true. And that's a real thing. There have been people who've shared with me that they came, they parked their car, they did not get out of the car because they were terrified of coming into a networking event. So if that's you, then really what it boils down to is finding a friend to go with you and having that person know that you're terrified, being willing to share that fear, and then overcoming that fear.

I think that's great advice. To shift it from a business perspective to, let's say, a civic perspective. Maybe you're not a business owner or you don't have a business interest per se. Everybody has an opinion about what the local government is doing. If you find yourself thinking that your taxes are too high or the amenities are not what you want them to be and what have you, or your elected officials are not up to your standard, go to a commission meeting, go to a county commission meeting, go to a city commission meeting and listen and see how the quote sausage is made. Damn, another cliché. What is— He did.

He did. You are the cliché king. Well, yeah. So, all right, so let's back it up a minute. Commission meetings take place on Thursday, or on, I'm sorry, at 3 o'clock on Mondays. If 3 o'clock on a Monday isn't something that's realistic for you, because remember we're talking about SMART goals, you can tune into your city's live stream, right? So in Polk County, you know, you can watch the Polk County live stream, the Lakeland live stream, you know, most of the, most of the other municipalities probably have another way to, to, to, to get the information about what's being discussed at the city level. Um, and, and start there. If there's something that's compelling you to get more involved than just watching and knowing what's going on, then I urge you to definitely go in and sit in a commission meeting and be a part of that conversation because it's different. You get to actually see the people in the room. You can see them shake their heads or nod their heads or, you know, sigh in disgust. So you don't get that experience by sitting and watching a livestream. So you've got to take it to that next level.

Well, that's true. I also think sometimes people think that these, for those who have never been and who are quick to complain, they think that this is some cabal of people in a dark room someplace sipping whiskey and deciding what they're going to do with the city and the future of the county or whatever it might be. Right. That's not how any of this stuff goes. No. It's zoning issues. It's boring stuff. Stry. Right. It's the stuff you don't want to deal with. If you, if you don't understand the benefit of that, listen to the last episode, right? And, and understand that why, why it's really up to you to make those changes.

But, you know, a couple, you know, other opportunities for giving, you know, getting involved or whatever that resolution is. Um, you can try a new local restaurant. You can like a new local restaurant's Facebook page or follow them on Instagram. Be a supporter in the digital space and in the, you know, I always say, you know, from a small business standpoint or a local business standpoint, you're voting with your dollars. So yeah, you might be a fan on, on the social side, but that's not keeping them in business. That's, that's one step. That's one important step, but it's not the only step. Take it one more step further and actually go spend money at a local restaurant.

My, my only thing to, to all of that, my one resolution, and it's pretty much the same every year, my resolution is to balance my criticism and praise. Oh, that's good. I can steal that, can't I?

You can. Okay.

I'll allow it. Thanks. I am critical of things. If I go someplace and I spend hard-earned money on something, I expect a certain standard, not perfection, but I expect certain levels of care and consideration and thought behind it. So I'm not afraid to criticize constructively. Right. But I also balance that out. So if I go someplace, there was a young girl at a Home Depot that looked like she was 12 working at the customer service thing. And I was— she was helping with something, but she was telling everybody else, answering everybody else's questions. And I thought, man, this girl is not going to be working at Home Depot for very long. I don't even think she's still there. But I made a point. The next time I was there, I found the manager. And I said, I want to let you know, this person helped me with this order. This is what I had. This is what she did. She went above and beyond. And I think that she is an excellent ambassador of your store and your company. Yeah. And, you know, and I said, and I always tell them the same thing. I know you hear all the complaints. I want to take just a minute and just tell you that this is somebody who's doing something right.

That's super great.

Yeah, that's important. That's my karma. For all the times I go, this sucks, wasn't right, right?

So, and I think that you can take that also from a digital standpoint and write a positive review for a small business. Or if you have a bad experience, take that offline, take that directly to the owner. Don't hide behind the computer and your keyboard and write some sort of scathing review about this business because it's gonna rattle their cage. Now maybe you want to rattle their cage, maybe you're that kind of person, and hopefully there aren't a lot of you listening to this podcast because that's not the kind of people we want. Sad existence. We want to encourage— if a bad experience exists, it's going to happen, take it to the person directly. Now, it is an effective way to get attention to write a review that is constructive and, and provides value to the general reviewing community, but at the same time, be open to receiving feedback from the business owner. And if you're a business owner and you, you haven't been paying attention to your reviews or, or don't have an open line of communication for feedback, consider doing that in 2020 because it's only going to continue to snowball out of control. And if you don't have a listening mechanism for what people are saying about you or your brand or your business, it's extremely important that you do that now. I was putting out some fires and, and you're dealing with employees, you're not dealing with the owner every single time. So as a consumer, as a person just, you know, who enjoys shopping locally, remember the impact that your dollars have, but then also remember the impact of How it would be helpful to you if you were in their shoes, if someone told you the problem directly and that you could handle it. Now, it might need to be written down in an email form as opposed to calling and chewing someone out, but the negative, the derogatory, the criticism— find a better way to be productive. That's a great goal for 2020. I love your goal, you know, balancing the criticism with the positive.

Well, and if you're gonna criticize, address the actual problem because you can still, you know, with deference to the owner, say, I went to this establishment and this is what happened. I was disappointed in this. But if you write a review and it's, I went there, it was awful. What does that mean? Right. Right. I mean, you know, maybe be a little bit more intellectual about this type of stuff if you truly want a response. Because if I'm a business owner and somebody says, yeah, that place sucks. Well, what— how do you fix that?

Yeah. How do you do— how do you fix that?

So when I read bad reviews, if they're nonspecific, I just assume they're miserable, wretched people who have nothing better to do. Right. And I, and I'm— and I move on.

So maybe the goal can be just don't be a troll. Yes, that's a good goal. That is a very good, attainable goal.

Yes. Okay. With relevance local and nationally.

Sorry. Go on. So some other things you can do. Go check out different things that you've never checked out before. There are so many cool events in Polk County. You know, in Lakeland, we've got the Swan Derby, we've got the farmers market, we've got lots of cool things that just most people just generally don't know about. So go find out what makes Polk special in your city and then maybe travel cross-city, you know, go to another city and check out whatever's going on in their community as well so that you can be more informed and make recommendations when your friends are looking for cool and new things to do in the community. And my personal favorite, you know, we do an award in Lakeland called the City Maker. I would love for some of our listeners to make some recommendations and some nominations of city makers, and you can go to lovelakeland.com to find out what we're looking for when it comes to city makers. And just be a part of the community that you're not currently a part of. Don't get into your echo chamber. Don't get into your comfort zone. Step outside your comfort zone and do some new things in 2020 to make your experience in Polk County a better one, but also to contribute to Polk County in new and significant ways.

In the interest of time, I will just say ditto.

Ditto. Awesome. I said everything without any added needed— not added— I said everything without any need for you to add a new line.

Not even punctuation. Wow.

Awesome. Well, thanks for listening and make sure to subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts and don't forget to leave us a review. You can find all of our episodes at elevatepulk.com. And if there's something you want to hear specifically about on an upcoming episode, reach out to us on Facebook at Elevate Pulk.