Why Show Up?

Why show up? Welcome back to the Elevate Pult Podcast. I'm your host, Chrissanne Long. With me again, as always, my copilot, my buddy, Nate the Great Kendrick.

Ah, happy to be here, Chrissanne. It's always a pleasure.

It's so exciting. So we don't have a guest with us today. It's just going to be the two of us.

I know, I know, right?

I'm excited too. I really enjoy the guests. But I think one of the things when we did the white space episode, it really made me realize how much content we could generate just in a conversation on, on something. So we're going to talk a little bit about showing up today.

Yeah.

And you were kind of— when we were prepping for this show, you were talking about some conversations that you've been having out in the community with entrepreneurs that you meet with. And so I wanted you to just kind of set the stage for the topic, if you don't mind.

Yeah, absolutely. So when we were discussing what to talk about, I, I thought this was going to be a, a really strong subject because it's been resonating with me a lot, especially with a lot of the entrepreneurs I've been talking to and just dealing with and working with. And some of the biggest things that I've seen is a lot of times people can, can get ideas or preconceived notions in their head based on what can and cannot happen. And I really feel like the biggest determining factor is you showing up. And by you showing up and you showing up on a consistent basis, and especially when you're starting a business, People wanna see that you're serious in the business that you're starting and that you're willing to do whatever it takes to open those doors. And usually what tends to happen is when you consistently show up and you consistently are just doing, so there's, there's obviously a planning stage in, in any time you're starting a business, but once you actually say, okay, I'm gonna put boots on the ground and, and develop my minimal viable product or whatever it is that you're trying to accomplish and you put yourself out there. Usually other doers and doers of influence show up and come alongside you and say, hey, I'm willing to help with, help with what you're trying to, to do and accomplish. And whether it's towards raising capital or whether it's towards opening up a door to selling to a grocery store or strategic partnership or a strategic partner in your business, I think those are key things that any business needs. But a lot of times people, when they're starting off, can maybe get a little bit overwhelmed by what what it takes to do that, or they're, they, they think that people are just gonna walk up to 'em and it's not, that's not how it works.

Right? Yeah. Yeah. So I've talked a lot about showing up. I think one of my early Lakeland Business Leaders events and, and now Bridge Local, that was the, the, like, what was your key to success? You know, somebody asked and we all kind of went around the room and said, you know, what do you attribute, whatever, wherever you are in your journey, how did you get this far? And my answer was showing up. I mean, that was literally what I said. I said, just show up. And, you know, It's kind of a simple thing. I mean, one of my favorite quotes, I probably put it in like 80% of my presentations, is, you know, 80% of success is showing up. And it's a Woody Allen quote. But, you know, why don't people show up? You know, like if we know that we need to and we can acknowledge that there is an important part of growth and success and connection and access, you know, why? What holds us back from showing up?

I think it's the voices in our head of, oh, I'm going to interrupt this person, or, oh, they don't know me, or I look like this, or I look like that. It's all these stories that we're telling to ourselves and making up scenarios that don't even really exist, which is prohibiting us from even wanting to do it. It's like, oh, I don't know any of these people here. But a lot of times, and if you think about it, it's kind of going against what we were taught when we were younger too. Because when you were younger, it's like, oh, don't talk to strangers. Be careful who you communicate with. A lot of times people that you don't know have access to the things that you need.

Yeah. Well, and that's interesting that you say that, because you're right. Like, we're almost wired to stay away from people we don't know.

Yeah.

Because when we— then we launch ourselves into the world of being an adult, for all of our lives, our parents have kind of cautioned us to not trust strangers and to not give away too much information about yourself to someone you don't know.

Yeah.

And then you decide, all right, I'm going to go to college or I'm going to go to work or I'm going to go build my network of whoever I'm going to surround myself with. And, you know, you graduate from high school and you have all of your circle of friends, you know, and, and those are the people that, you know, and like and trust and hang out with. But are they going to catapult you into the next place that you're trying to go? And we've talked about, you know, where you are, the, you know, you are the makeup of, you know, the 5 most— whatever that quote is about the 5 people you hang out with.

Yeah.

So you have to, if you want to go higher, you have to look higher and you have to kind of leave the nest.

Exactly.

And it's a scary thing to think about.

Yeah, it is. It really is. It is. Because like we're speaking about, if your entire life you're taught to think one way and then when you get really into the real world, it's much different, then that can be nerve-wracking and you begin to question, oh man, should I have done this? Should I have done that? Should I have done this? But at the end of the day, it's like, okay, you are where you are now. And now it's, now it's, now you have a responsibility. If you, if you want to achieve whatever it is you want to achieve in life, there, you have to open up those doors. And a lot of times, almost every single time, the person that's holding access to the key is an individual you may not know.

Yeah.

And so it's important. And, and here, and here's the thing, it's not just like, oh, we're just gonna show up and just talk to the person to try to get access. No, you show up and you develop a relationship with that person and build rapport. Which creates trust, and then those doors begin to open up.

Yeah. Yeah. And so that first showing up is the crucial one, right?

Absolutely.

You got to get past the narrative of the thoughts in your head, the voice, the things you're telling yourself. I wrote down some things while you were talking earlier and it's like, all right, so if we're going to go, let's just say we're going to go out into a network that we've never, never in, in, in, we've never experienced before. And you're, you're gearing up for that. You see it, somebody invites you on a Facebook event, you know, or they text you and say, hey, you should come to this event. Or you go looking for something and you find one and you go, okay, I'm going to go toss my name out there. I'm going to get out into this, into this community. You, you start to think a couple of things. I think Maria Berry-Swan, when she was on the show, one of the things I think from a minority standpoint or from a gender standpoint, I actually had a person ask me the question for one of our recent events, is, is this all male or is this all female event, you know? And so it's like you're, you want to know when you walk in what to expect.

Yeah.

And so you, you kind of put it in your head, it's like, well, maybe I won't be welcome, maybe, um, maybe they won't care that I'm there, will I get a return on my investment? A lot of businesses are like, okay, I'm gonna go to this network because I'm gonna get 5 leads. That's their goal when they walk in the door.

Yeah.

And so if they're that, if that's what's going on in their head and they go in and they go, well, I didn't get any leads. They were maybe not, like you said, not showing up to build the rapport and build the relationship, but they were walking in to, to take something as opposed to bring something.

Yeah.

Um, so will I be welcome? Will I get a return? Will I be able to bring value? Like, is everybody else so much smarter than I am that I don't really have anything to contribute? So should I even go? So are they further along in the journey? And then will they see me?

Mm.

You know, well, they see that I'm— I showed up, right?

Yeah.

And if they don't, what?

I think the trick in this is a skill, and I'm still learning the skill, is to walk into whatever room that you're going to with no preconceived notions.

Yeah, exactly.

And by doing that, you're usually surprised in a good way of, oh man, that was awesome because I wasn't expecting that. Because you weren't expecting anything, right? And because you weren't expecting anything, there wasn't this pressure of Oh, this didn't happen, or this didn't happen, so I'm sad. You see what I'm saying? And so it's really kind of flipping on its head and walking into a room with no preconceived notions. And if anything, there's endless opportunities, right?

Right.

On the upside.

So you got to clear the mechanism.

Yeah.

That's one of my favorite quotes from— was the baseball movie with Kevin Costner where he's pitching a perfect game? Oh yeah, um, oh man, I can't remember the name of the movie, but you guys will know what it is, and then you can message us and say, come on guys, how could you forget the name of that movie?

Talking about Field of Dreams?

Nope, not Field of Dreams. The one where he's a pitcher and he flashes back to relationship with his girlfriend or his wife and goes back and forth, and he, he's in the middle of a perfect game.

Got it. Okay, I can't remember the name of that.

Oh man. Okay, well anyway, he's, he's— when he zips back, like when he's, he's having a memory or he's having a thought and he's thinking back some other time and space, um, he says, clear the mechanism.

Got it.

And it's like, he's there to pitch. He's not there to think about all of the other things that are not right in this world. Yeah, he's there to pitch. And so clear the mechanism is one thing that I, I tell myself this morning while I was getting ready. Um, you know, I just finished that certification with the coaching that I told you about, Business Made Simple, and my brain is on like overload. right? All of these extra things going on in my mind, um, even some imposter syndrome sneaking in, some thoughts about, you know, what did, you know, what am I going to do? Am I even ready for this, right? Like all of the, all of the things, right?

Yeah.

And so I stopped myself while I was getting ready. I said, that's not how you want to start your day. Do you want to start your day from a place of scarcity, or do you want to start your day with, from a place of abundance? I mean, I had this conversation with myself, clear the mechanism.

Wow.

And that is the thing. It's like, all right, if you're driving to the event and you're carrying a bunch of baggage and you're thinking about all of the things, you know, I don't know, maybe you had an argument with your spouse or maybe the kids' grades are slipping or, you know, you're just not sure that you're going to be able to make payroll this month or whatever it is that's, that's, that's in your head.

Yeah.

And you come in, like you said, with either an expectation or a lack of presence. You know, you're not really truly there.

Yeah.

Showing up is also about being present, both physically and mentally.

Yeah.

And I think that's a part for me that is extremely difficult. Like you said, it's— it— I'm, I'm telling you things that I wish I could tell myself later so I can listen to this episode and say, what did I say? What did I say? Because I'm not always in the best space.

Yeah.

Um, in my head. But I think clearing the mechanism is a good thing. But whatever it is you have to tell yourself to get yourself right, to show up with the right purpose in mind.

Yeah. I think what you said was so key too, not coming from a place of scarcity, but coming from a place of abundance. Because it's energy. You walk into a room, people can feel that. People can feel like, oh man, this person is trying to get 5 leads, or this person is trying to get something out of me. Yeah, yeah, they can feel it. And so again, that's why it's so, so key to, like you said, reset, flush everything, and get rid of— another thing I thought was so key is that imposter syndrome, like, that just tries to creep in of, oh, I don't think I belong here, these people are are, are here, I'm here. It's like, no, everybody's, everybody's working towards a common goal, and whatever that common goal is in, in business, right? If it's a business networking event and you belong there, you have a business, you own a business, you're running a business, you're building a business. Yeah, because what's, what's fascinating is even at the highest level, you peel back layers in those businesses, it's usually similar types of problems or situations. It's just at a higher level, that's all. Because you're dealing with people, that's all you're dealing with. And so a lot of times people aren't perfect and there's complications with communication. So you might have communication problems on a low level in your business when you're talking to someone at a higher level. They're having, they're having similar issues. And so at the end of the day, you can't— oh man, this person's here and I'm here. It's like, no, no, they're, they're— you guys are talking in the same vein.

Yeah. Well, what if I told you that the aha moment of everybody's part of their journey is when they realize that we're all the same.

Yep.

When you realize that, when you can believe it, like you can say to yourself— and comparison, comparison is a problem. If you're comparing yourself to the people in the room, you're gonna lose, or you're gonna put somebody else in a losing situation. And there's no point of that, right? Like, you walk in and you're like, I'm better or smarter, or I've got more than all these people. Well, then why, why show up, right? You're trying to take something, or you're coming from a place of ego.

Yeah.

As opposed to a place of generosity, or what can I contribute. But the opposite is probably what most of us face, which is I'm not good enough, I'm not enough. I had a conversation, so I went— I told you I went to that Black Economics meeting, and it was incredible to meet Tia and Prince and Eddie and all these incredible entrepreneurs that are just working to raise the, the level of entrepreneurship for the Black community in Lakeland.

Yeah.

And I'm like, I resonate with that. And the The thing that I spoke to someone there and she said something along the lines of, I don't have as much as they have. It was more like knowledge as far as experience. And I said, why would you put yourself in that, like, narrative? Why don't you just say, I'm just not as far down the path as they are? Yeah, I have everything that I need to be right here in this moment. I'm just not on the path. At the, you know, I'm not in the point on the path that they are because the person who's further down the path didn't have anything more than you had when they were standing right where you are.

Absolutely.

But they got down there on the path. So they've just started a little earlier than you, right? That's it. That's the only difference. And if we can get that into our heads and stop thinking ourselves out of showing up, then that's the battle. I mean, that's kind of what we talked about. Like what, what we were saying before we started the show was Showing up is not 90% of the battle. It is the battle.

Yeah.

You have to make the decision in spite of whatever's going on in your head to show up. That's it. And once you do that, you win.

Yeah. Yeah. I think, you know, it's interesting because when you attach it, when, when, when it's some— I feel like it's much easier for people to understand, like, like college or someone getting a degree. Like, I have a buddy, he's a paramedic now. And if someone saw him and said, oh man, he's a paramedic and he's only 25 years old. And so he's, he's younger. But if they saw that and they're like, oh man, like I wanna be a paramedic, but then they under— but you understand what it takes. It takes, it took 'em like 4 and a half years to get there.

Mm-hmm.

And they understand that because there's training involved. You have to pass classes, you have to understand the body at a high level.

Right.

And so it's not just like, oh, I'm just gonna jump into that. And like, there's not like, oh man, I can't achieve that. It's like, no, there's a process. And so it's the same thing when it, from the business aspect is there's a process. And a lot of times because our society likes to glorify the quick success.

Mm-hmm.

When an individual is working on something and in 6 months it's not where our society as a whole is, oh, you're not a million-dollar company and you're not this famous entrepreneur, you're starting to doubt yourself. It's like, no, man, it, it takes really truthfully about 5 years of consistent hard work to establish yourself in any type of business sector.

Yep.

And that's just the way it is. Just like it takes about 4 and a half years to get a degree.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, it's just what it is. You know, there are exceptions, but yeah.

And I think they, the idea of an overnight success is laughable, right? Because no one is an overnight success.

Exactly.

Everyone put in long hours and a lot of hustle and a lot of grit and a lot of overcoming, you know, jumping over those hurdles and figuring it out and going, you know, okay, this is the way I'm going to go. Oh, nope. Door closed, going another way. And then, you know, suddenly, all of a sudden, yeah, they're like overnight successes. Nobody heard about them yesterday, and now, oh wow, where did they come from? Well, they came from years and years and years of putting it in, putting in long hours, showing up, showing up for themselves, yeah, showing up for others, and then also showing up just in the general sense of who you want to be connected to. Absolutely right.

Like, you're just now seeing them because they're they're— they've achieved that level now where everybody can see them because they've been working for the past 10, 15, 20 years in the dark where no one can see— can see their work.

Yeah, exactly, exactly. I want to shift gears a little bit because I want to talk about some of the hard parts of showing up. I— because I really feel like there's so much here to unpack and so many layers of, of intricacies around this discussion of showing up. So let's talk about this. Have you ever walked into a place that you did not feel welcomed and you felt immediately uncomfortable or anxious, or, or there just was something wrong about the vibe, or you just maybe thought, oh, wait a minute, where did I— should I be here?

Yeah, I think, you know what, I was thinking about it. So when, uh, when I was in college And this is one of the classes I remember vividly. It was a sales class. And again, when you're in college, you don't really— you don't— you don't— you're nervous to call people because it's just not— you just don't do those types of things. You text your friends, right? You're nervous to write an email. You're nervous to meet somebody new. So our professor, knowing that, she said, hey, this is a part of the class. You are, as a student, are going to go to this networking— this business networking event, make business cards. And then on the business card you got to put student and all this information, and then you need to get 5 people's contact information. Oh, and I remember because I'm not really— I can be outgoing, but it's not my, my thing, not my forte.

It's not your natural—

it's not my natural thing. Yeah. So I remember it sitting in the back of my head, and I'm just like, man, I, I really don't want to go to this thing, but it— I have to go because it's a part of the class. And so I remember texting Uh, there was two, there was two girls and one guy that were coming with me, and I, and I got there early and I texted him. I said, hey, are you guys here yet? And they said no, they're about 15 minutes behind. So I remember waiting, sitting in the car waiting for 15 minutes because I didn't want to walk to this business networking because it, it sounded so big. Because again, you, when you're in an environment where it's like, oh, everything's structured and this is that and this is that, but you're immersing yourself into a new environment where it really isn't structured. You have to, or you have to, not organically, but you have to go in and create a conversation out of thin air.

Yeah.

That was something different and new. So I remember walking in there feeling a little bit like, man, we're students.

Mm-hmm.

We don't belong here. All these people have businesses. But what was very interesting is as we began to talk to these people, a lot of them were startups and a decent amount of them were maybe 2 or 3 years older than us. And so we got very comfortable very quickly after we started talking and saying, oh wow, like like, they're not that much older than me and they started a business and they're just, they're just figuring it out like, like we are.

Yeah, no, that's a good story. I love that. I love the visual of, of that. And I, you know, I think I'm gonna do a shout out for my friend Lori. I think you have been on a Clubhouse call when she's been in there before, but she's now living in Indiana and she, um, had a little bit of that like anxiety about events. Yeah, for a period of time. And I don't know how long it took, how long it happened before I met her and how long, if, how she, where she is on this process, but she was— we, we had agreed to meet at an event together, and she texted me. She's like, how long are you going to be here? How long until you get here? I'll wait for you. And I said, if you're still sitting in the car when I get there, I'm leaving. And she's like, I just don't, you know. And she's just— she— but she— I, as a, as a friend, I wanted to encourage her to get out of that comfort zone of waiting for me and walking in with somebody and going in by yourself, because yeah, there's something there's something empowering about it, but there's also something growth, you know, like you can't un-experience growth, right? Once you've grown, you can't shrink.

Yeah, yeah.

So you, you move into this new space and you say, oh wow, well, what's the worst thing that can happen? Yeah, nothing. Yeah, I mean, in that situation, the worst thing that can happen is, you know, somebody looks at you and, and you look back at them, you know, you smile, you did, you do whatever. Um, so I think that there's a lot of that, that we, we also tend to allow ourselves to live back in our comfort zones. Um, and, and we operate comfortably in packs, you know, like you were waiting for your friends and, and feeling like, all right, I got my peeps here. But I would suggest anybody listening to this to go solo one time and just do that one time. Um, not forever, not trying to tell you to be comfortable doing it, but just to push yourself a little bit outside of that comfort zone.

Absolutely. Because it's human nature. Eventually it's not I'll say this, you, you do get used to it. I would say that because I can, I can comfortably walk into a room with people that I don't necessarily know and spark up conversation, or at least try to spark up conversation, because now I've been doing it so consistently, right? Because I, I remember one of the toughest things about showing up in any type of form of business in my head is cold calls. Yeah, people you don't know. That's the tough— that's one of the toughest things to do.

Yep.

Picking up a phone, not knowing this person and trying to spark something out of thin air. If you can do that, you can do almost anything. You can open pretty much any door and you shouldn't really be afraid of walking into a room of people that you don't necessarily know at first and sparking some type of conversation.

Yeah. And it's interesting too. So we were also talking about access, right?

Yeah.

So showing up, why? And this all, it always goes back to the why.

Yeah.

So if your why is stronger than your narrative, you're, the the thoughts in your head, then you know that there's a reason for you to go and you're gonna go. Like, you're just gonna, like, you're gonna toss out whatever it is that made you worry about it because what's on the other side is so valuable to you that you're gonna go through fire to get it.

Yeah.

And then, you know, the idea of just what you said, cold calls. So maybe the other thing that you need to do is make 100 cold calls to get over the fear and the concern and the worry. Everybody wants a warm connection, right? Hey, Nate, do you, do you know so-and-so? Yeah, I know so-and-so. Hey, could you introduce us so I don't have to cold call him?

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

It's so much easier.

Yeah.

And yet at the same time, what we learn from that process of the cold call and you know what, maybe we try the cold call and we don't get the person to respond because who answers an unknown number these days?

Yeah.

Without letting it go to voicemail. But you leave the voicemail and you say, hey, I know you don't know me, 'But I'm just calling because I wanted to make a connection. I know a friend of yours, Nate, and, you know, he suggested I reach out.' You know, it's still a cold call, but there's still a connection there that you can, you can introduce to, to give them a reason why, why maybe they, that they should call you back.

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. I, I think, uh, I agree with that 100%. It's really, again, showing up. Really what we're really talking about is stepping outside of your comfort zone. On a consistent basis.

Yeah. Because I'm so glad you said consistent basis.

You have to. Yeah, you have to. Because what happens, right? You do it once and then you're like, oh man, I'm not gonna do— like, I like— I, I— it was great and you're like on a little high, but then afterwards you're like, man, I'm probably not gonna ever do that again, right? I'm not gonna ever. And then that, that stunts growth. And then people wonder why there's, there's these ups and downs and there's not like a consistent trend up, because that consistent trend up is attached to consistently going outside of your comfort zone, right? And stepping into rooms. And again, going back to not having imposter syndrome and not coming from a place of scarcity and coming from a place of abundance and just going into that room. People can feel that.

Yeah.

Even if that room is unaccepting, if you go in there from a place of abundance, there could be a shift, right? People like, I'm gonna go up and talk to this person, right?

Right.

I want to know who this person's about. There's, there's some, there's something about this person that I want to talk to about. And that's the key too. I think about Root. When Root shows up, you see him by the way he dresses, by the way he carries himself. It's like that, I need to talk to that guy. I want to learn about what he does.

And he'll walk up and say hello with such confidence. And we talked to him and there wasn't really the confidence that he has. It's the why, the strength of why I'm here. I'm here for a reason and I'm going to get the value out of this being here, I mean, why waste your time? Like, why show up and not get the value out of being there? I've always said that too, you know, when, you know, we've done a lot of networking events over the years as far as Bridge and Lakeland Business Leaders, and I attend a lot of networking events of other organizations. I love to go to other organizations' networking events too. And, you know, one of the early experiences that I had was a realization that everybody showed up for a reason. So if I see people standing on the sidelines, I go to them because they need somebody to draw them into the conversation. It would be great if everybody walked in without anxiety and concern. They, they're, they're introvert, their narrative, their scarcity, whatever it is that's going on in their head. It'd be great if everybody came in with that positive energy. But what ends up happening is as soon as you look at the person who looks insecure and worried at the side, you know, on the side of the room, you bring them into the conversation, you have just opened a door for them that they weren't able or ready to open for themselves.

Yeah.

And so you've just, you've just solved a problem for them.

Yeah.

By solving a problem for yourself, because maybe you're feeling the same way, but you're no— you're able to go talk to the person who is clearly kind of struggling with not necessarily feeling welcomed, right?

Yeah.

And you welcoming them makes it possible.

Yeah.

I say that all the time. And I think part of the introduction to my book of showing up, right? It's like, yeah, walk into the room and welcome somebody and then, you know, get to know the rest of the people in the room.

I feel like that really works up, works well at showing up when you, when you're public speaking. Whenever I've had to speak in front of a decently sized large group of people, I'll usually interact with some of the individuals in the room to spark conversations, talk about Hey, how are you doing? What are you— you know, because what they're— I, I don't know what the percentage is, but the percentage is really high.

Yeah.

Of fear of public speaking.

Yeah, it's you— it's enormously high. I'm trying to think of the number, but I think it's like 90% of people have a, an outrageous fear of public speaking.

And there's— and I, I can imagine a lot of people, you know, within that have that fear of, man, I want— I believe I have something to say Mm-hmm. But when I get on that stage, I'm afraid.

I'm frozen.

I'm frozen. But again, you warm up the room by talking to individuals and you realize again, oh man, I don't know this person, but they're just like me. They're in a similar situation.

Exactly.

And again, if you have the skill set, you are the expert in the room. And so they're coming to hear what you have to say, right?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's, that's great advice. Just, you know, for, for a lot of things, you know, and I, You know, when we, when we talk about one of the things that I'm extremely passionate about is, is really trying to open up the doors and the access for the minority community. I mean, we've talked about it a lot. Yeah. And, you know, I don't know. I want to tell you something. I'm going to be a moment of vulnerability here. My biggest fear and my biggest— where I struggle a lot in my narrative and in my head is I think I'm too much. Too much, meaning I overwhelm people. I, I come on too strong. I'm too effusively, um, emphatic about things. I love people, right? And so I, I don't know how people receive me, and so I worry that I'm going to offend, I'm going to say something that is not appropriate, or that they're, they're going to feel a little uncomfortable about my, my, my personality, because I, I have a pretty big personality and I love people and I'm not afraid to talk about it. Um, and so for me, that's a challenge that I, I still struggle with. But again, it's clear the mechanism: who am I? Yeah. And am I here for the right reasons? And will the right people be attracted to the person that I am if I, if I diffuse myself a little bit, if I try to scale it down or shrink so that other people won't be overwhelmed by me? What am I accomplishing by making people think I'm something other than myself?

Yeah, I mean, that's I think that's key is you can't do that. 'Cause if you can't do that, if you do do that, then you're not really being yourself and authentic. Yeah. 'Cause I'm a person that can be, when it comes to certain things, I can be pretty blunt. And I try to water things down sometimes. And by watering things down, sometimes I attract the wrong type of individuals by what, and then I'm like, oh, I gotta go back to—

Exactly.

I gotta go back to who I am. Right. 'Cause that's not, that's not me. This person over here is not me. And that's okay. That's who we are as individuals, and that's completely fine.

And I think that there's also empathy, you know, by—

yeah, absolutely—

by allowing people to have a little bit more of that free rein before you cut them off with the bluntness, right? For sure. But, but at the same time, not losing the characterization of who you are.

Yeah.

By selling out the fact that, you know what, this is going on too long. You need to stop.

Yeah. This, this is—

I don't have enough time for you to meander down this path.

Yeah.

I think you need do this or check up on that.

And I think that's the key within this title of the podcast is when you do come to an event or you do cold call a person or you're trying to get access to capital or whatever you're doing, you don't change yourself. You're being authentic to who you are, but you're being consistent in what you're doing. And if you go to that door and they say you're going to need this, this, and this, you figure out a way to get those things.

Yeah.

And then come back to them.

Oh, I love that. I love what you just said. All right. So, so we need something. We all need something. We need connection. We need resources. We need access to capital. We need whatever it is. Okay. And showing up indicates that you have a need for whatever it is that is in this particular environment.

Yeah.

So you just said, here's the list of things that you actually need in order to get the access, right? Or to get to the next level.

Yeah.

And what you're— what, what I think sometimes we tend to do is we see that list and we exclude ourselves instead of doing the work to get to the point where we can get what we wanted.

Yeah.

We're— it's like we're— we, we indicate in our minds like, oh, I just got rejected.

Yeah.

Like, there's this list of things you need to do, and when you do them, then we can have this conversation. Is not the same thing as a door in your face.

Yep.

And yet when you walk out not getting the first, you know, you walk in the door, nobody knows you, nobody has any idea who you are. You don't have any past history with the people in the room or in the conversation. You come in from nowhere.

Yeah.

And you say, I want X, maybe I want you to loan me $10,000, maybe I want access to a connection that you have and you're going to open the door for me. Well, Nate, I'm going to tell you something. If you want— if you get a contact from me, I have vetted them for you.

Oh yeah, right. And 100%, vice versa, 100%.

If someone says, hey, I want you to connect me with Nate, I'm— there's some questions I'm going to answer.

Yeah.

It's not that I'm saying I'm not going to connect you to Nate, it's just that I need to make sure that you're somebody that I'm going to pass on to Nate, because I respect Nate so much that I'm not going to have vetted your purpose. You know, if you— if you're wanting to call him and sell him something Nah.

Yeah. And that's the thing too. When, when, when you're, when, when you're playing this, this game of business, you, there's a respect level when you're dealing with other people. So we have a mutual respect for each other and our biggest respect for each other is each other's time. And we want to make sure that the people that we're connecting to each other are not going to be a waste of time. And not to say that in a negative sense, like, oh, these people that are just trying to get help are a waste of time. No, that's not what we're saying. What we're saying is that there has to be a clear goal at the end of it.

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Because there is, there is a list of things, those list of things things that they need to do. And again, part of it's again not coming in with any preconceived notions and learning. That's the key. The key is being willing to learn, because at the end of the day, the quickest way that you can learn business is start a business. That's— you're gonna get a— you're gonna get a master's degree in business by starting a business and showing up and learning and not and assume as if the people that you're learning from are experts in that industry. And the information that they're giving to you is gold and you refine it based on what your business is and say, okay, well, they said I need this, this, and this. And so it's just like the materials that you need for your course in college, right? You need the textbook, you need the, the, the take to take notes on a regular basis. You need to talk to the teacher's assistant every so often.

Right.

So it's the same thing with business. You need this, you need a business plan, you need a pitch deck, you need your personal finances, and look that up and write that down and put that information back and bring it back to them. And they say, well, I think you need this, this, and this. And then you go and get that, right? And here's the thing, every time you're coming back to them, it may not seem like it, but you, you've stepped to another step, one step further, or one— you're one step further. And before you, before you notice, you look up and you say, oh wow, We're really moving here. But I feel like to your point, Chrissanne, that's where a lot of people get stuck. As soon as they get that piece of paper, a piece of information that's not quite what they thought it would be, it almost seems like a setback, but really it's a setup if you position it the right way and you do what needs to be done.

Yeah. Yeah. And you, you take two, there's two possible outcomes, right? Two people asking the same exact question. One wanting it to be easy and one saying, I'm going to do whatever it takes. It doesn't matter what they say when I ask the question, whatever they say I need to do, I'm going to do it.

Yeah.

The other one is saying, well, that's too hard. And then they, they drop the idea or they, or, or, and what I think, what, what I think what ends up happening a lot of times is that we, we internalize that it's hard. To rejection, and we turn that rejection and put blame on the person who we in our minds think rejected us.

Yeah.

So now instead of us saying, um, you know, I'm not strong enough or disciplined enough or willing to work hard enough to do the thing, that person doesn't like me, or that person rejected me, or, you know, whatever it is that we— so we turn it around automatically almost like, oh well, screw them, they're not letting me in the gate, you know, they're not letting me do the thing. And that's not at all what they said. Yeah, they said, here's what you need to do to get there, do these things, and then come back to me. I can't wait to see you next time when you've done these things.

And here's the kicker. The kicker is, if you do those things, people will start— people of influence will start to notice. And if you come back and you have those things, and that person— and that person says, I'm not sure, there'll be a person of influence that's in your corner now that says, oh no, we're sure.

Yeah.

We're sure.

Yeah. And that's the consistency that you referenced earlier.

Yeah.

You know, so the question that I think we need to walk in is how does this work? Right. So in a network, how does it work? You know, there are unspoken rules. There are unspoken— there's a, there's a culture in, in the network, in our network, in the Bridge Local community, in that network, it is show up and we will welcome you. And it's really easy to find people who are going to help you connect or help you feel comfortable because that's the culture that we were really trying to create. Does it work every single time? Time? No, but the energy in the room— we're responsible for the energy in the room, and everyone who shows up brings a level of positive energy so that when a new person walks in, like you were talking about earlier, you sense that energy. Yeah, they sense the energy that you put off, and then the rest of the people in the room are putting off a sense of energy that people pick into, get into, and they're like, oh wow, this isn't like other networking rooms that I've been into where, you know, it's just all stuffy and, and, you know, nobody You know, I'm always that person who sees out of the periphery. Like, if you and I are having a conversation at a networking event that we probably should be having over coffee.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, well, I really want to have this conversation with you, but we're at a networking event. Let's open the circle up to this person who's kind of standing out there waiting for the opportunity to break in. Doesn't want to interrupt because that's rude. We, as the two people talking, need to stop and look and say, hey, how are you? What are you— you know, what's going on? Oh, Nate, do you know so-and-so?

Yeah.

Because otherwise we're not in the room intentionally for the right reasons.

Yeah. You know, I like that because, you know, when I say don't go in there with any expectations, that doesn't mean go unprepared.

Yeah.

Right. So know what room you're in. If you're in a networking room, the whole goal is to network. And like you said, know the difference between a coffee conversation and a conversation of getting to know individuals within that networking group that you can learn from, that you can help.

Yeah.

And again, if you're coming from a place of abundance, it's like, oh man, hey, what can I help you with?

Yeah.

Because you're, you're in a similar industry to mine. We don't have competition, but we're in a similar industry. How can I help?

Yeah.

Oh, you can help me here. And then you, then you get each other's numbers, and from there there's opportunity down the road, right? And then there's a difference if it's a business meeting.

Yep.

Versus if you're talking to an investor, versus if you're talking to a bank, how you dress, how you carry yourself.

Yeah.

What you're looking. So those are, those are— there's a laundry list of things. There should be a rule book.

Let's write it.

Yeah, let's write a rule book. Let's, let's literally write a rule book of business etiquette.

Yeah, I mean, we talked about that in another, in another discussion, you know, of just what, what that looks like from our perspective. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure we have our own, you know, experience to share into the— we're gonna write a book together, Nate.

Yeah, yeah, we're putting it out there.

So one thing, you know, one thing going back to that like coffee conversation, all right, so there should be a rule. It's an unwritten rule, but you should probably listen. If you're listening to this, set yourself some parameters when you go to a networking event. Like you said, don't walk in with expectations, but do walk in prepared. And being prepared is, you know, having a business card or having a way for people to contact you. I know yesterday somebody had a QR code that I could scan and save their contacts to my phone without actually having to do the whole—

got it—

good business card exchange. Um, and then also, what does appointment setting with you look like? You know, how are you setting up your calendar? How quick and easy is it for you right then I'm there in that networking event to set up a calendar, maybe a Zoom, you know, because on my calendar, if I'm setting up an appointment, I can click the little button and say, oh yeah, I want to make this a Zoom event and not an in-person event. And then boom, it's done. And so that parameter that I'm talking about might be, all right, every person I talk to, I'm either just going to decide in my mind, this is somebody I want to follow up with, but set a timeframe for how long you're going to talk to each person.

Yeah.

3 minutes, maybe maximum 5 minutes when you really start getting into heavy discussion about a topic or an issue or something you guys want to really, really dig deep into, the networking event is not the place to do it because you're there to connect, engage, and then move on to the next conversation. One of the things that I, I, um, I shared, and I was very blunt, and I think it offended people, um, that were in my network, but I was a part of a leads group meeting, a weekly leads group, and then we would go to the after-hours at the chamber. And I said in one of our weekly meetings, I said, guys, when I go to the after-hours I'm there to meet the people that I can't see every week here for an hour of intentional networking. Yeah, I'm actually not— I don't want to get into a corner and talk to all of my Leads Group people. Yeah, I want to talk to other people. And they're like, oh well, you know, you don't want to talk to us. I'm like, no, I want to talk to you so much that I come every week to talk to you. Yeah, there is no—

well, there's, there's a separation, right? There's a separation between business and business relationships and friendships. And understanding those dynamics and understanding how to maneuver.

Yeah.

Within those conversations, sometimes the conversation can shift to business while you're in a conversation with someone. You're like, oh wait, this is a business conversation. Okay, let me put my business hat on. And that's, and that's a skill set you have to develop that over time. Yeah, you really do.

Yeah. Well, let's talk a little bit as we wrap up, um, advice for some young people. You were talking about a class that you were in when your professor told you to go to a networking event. Yeah. Um, aspiring You know, one of the things I do know is networking is awkward for a lot of people. For everybody, it's probably awkward. How do you handle the awkwardness? How do you get over the grown-ups are weird kind of mindset that you kind of come out of college? You're, you know, 21, 22 years old, you're out of college, you're starting a business or you're thinking about starting a business. Maybe you want to do freelance and you need to connect, right? You need to get to know some people that have some disposable income that they might invest in hiring you as opposed to trying to go to all your friends and say, hey, I'm a photographer. I want to do your photos, but your friends don't have any money. Um, so now you walk into this networking environment and you are thinking that the adults don't have a clue, right? Because they're so outside of your comfort zone, right? So instead of you walking in and going, wow, I'm, I'm connecting to all these grown-ups— grown-ups, adults, professionals, whatever you want to call them— What do you say to somebody who's like, eh, I don't really think I want to network with those people. They're too old. They're too stuffy. But, but they're the ones that might be able to open the doors to help you shortcut whatever path it might be to get your foot in the door.

I like that perspective. Yeah. What I would say is experience is the key to opening up doors that you may not be able to open up when you're first starting off. And a lot of these people say, prime example, if you're a videographer and want, want, want to get into the video, video business or videography business, there's guys that I know that have been in the business for 15, 20 years that probably would sit down with you if you reached out to them.

Yeah.

But you have to have that willingness to, to say, hey, these individuals have more experience than me and I'm willing to learn. That's, that, that's, that's the, the biggest thing of of going back to school within business for yourself in the real world and saying, this person knows the type of equipment that I need, the websites I need to be on, the type of review platforms I need to be on, and they can help me understand that and give me 15 years of experience in an hour and a half meeting over coffee.

Yeah, yeah.

And that's huge. And the only way that you get that is putting yourself out there, right?

Right. I mean, if you— like you said, if you're going to cold call someone and say, hey, can I pick your brain, Can you teach me all the things you need, you know, about, you know, becoming a videographer and how I can be successful doing what you do? Yeah, probably not going to get a return call on that one.

Yeah.

But if you show up in a network and a group of people that are maybe positioned to do that and you see— so here's, here's the twist on that. So we ask the question, what do you tell a young person who's going to maybe go, man, Pat, taking a hard pass on that networking thing? Yeah. The other side of the coin is if you are willing to do it the older generation has an intentional interest.

Yeah.

In helping the younger generation succeed.

They really do. Yeah.

Especially in Polk County, because one of our challenges is we're exporting our greatest asset, which is our young professionals. And so we as older— as older people— I am not— you guys don't know how old I am. I'm 45. I'm almost 46. And I, I, I'm really starting to sense that I feel like I'm disconnected from the younger generation, even though I still am seen by the older generation, you know, people that have been around for long, long, longer than I have been, um, that I'm still young. But I'm like, no guys, these guys are young. We need to bring them in. I'm already here. I'm already committed. I'm not going anywhere. Yeah, we need to start looking at, all right, if I see a young person, if I see somebody coming and, and bravely walking into a networking event where everyone's 40 years or older, I'm all about it.

Yeah, right. Yeah.

I am like, let me learn about you. Let me see who, how I can help you. I want you to feel like you can walk into a networking event and you see me and I see you, and I'm going to do my best to make sure that you feel connected because it took a lot of guts to show up at that event.

So I wanted to ask you, Chrissanne, because real quick before we wrap up, I think this is important because I get this a decent amount and I want to see how you gauge it. If there's someone that's starting off, in a particular industry and they know that you have access to a mover and a shaker, how do they approach that conversation with you to where you feel comfortable to opening up that door for them?

I think for me, there's probably like this 5-touch unspoken rule, um, and 5 touches of be present, be visible, be helpful, but do it more than once or twice or 3 times, you know, do it enough where I feel there's something I can learn enough about you that you're reliable, that you're going to be here, that you're not just coming to, to, to get a quick, you know, yeah, you know, shortcut for, you know, I want to shortcut people, you know, the, the path is long, you know, this is a long journey and you've got to be in it for the long haul. And if I can make it possible for somebody to connect to someone, um, I'm gonna do it, but I'm not going to do it unless I feel like you're fully committed. And you're all in. And how do I know that you're all in? You can tell me all day, I'm all in, I'm all in, I'm all in, but the words aren't important, it's the actions.

Yeah, I think that's key because I really feel that sometimes coming out of college or kids that are in transition from high school to college, that etiquette's not quite there yet. So it's just like, hey, can you connect me to this person? And then if you don't do it for them, there's not the understanding of, right, well, I know you, man. Well, it's like, well, yeah, we know each other from a, like, from a friendship standpoint, right? But when it comes to business, yeah, why should I connect to this person? Different conversation.

Yeah.

So I— that, that was good. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think, um, you know, that goes back to that list of things that you were talking about.

Yeah.

So if we as connectors have an articulated thought about what you just asked me— I'm glad you asked me, you know, what would I What would I need you to do in order for me to connect you to the person that you would like to get to know? Because I don't have a problem with it. My only problem is, is it going to take the person's time needlessly? You're not ready and I don't know enough about you. So if I can say to you— and but again, remember, if you're receiving this message, this isn't a rejection. This isn't a slight on you. Yeah, this is a challenge. This is a call to action. Yeah, it's a call to action to show up. Be present, be— find ways that you can help. Show the kind of human being that you are, that you're not a taker and that you're not there to take advantage, but you're there to, to bring value. And that you value— that your value proposition is who you are.

Because when you have access to those types of people, you're, you're close— closer to them, and you understand their time. Yeah, you understand what they're dealing with, right? You're— when you're in a meeting with them, they're telling you like, oh man, I'm dealing with this and this and that, and that person hits you up and says, I want access to this person, and you know, they may not have the time right now.

Right, right.

They may just not. And so, and that's the thing, you have to etch that in the back of your mind of these individuals have lives just like everybody else.

Right.

And a lot of times it's at a higher level. They're going from meeting to meeting to meeting to meeting to meeting.

Yeah.

And there has to be that understanding and that grace there.

And the other thing I would say too is make it easy. So, right now that everyone has gotten to the point where Zoom is a more acceptable way to connect and meet. Yeah. Offer a virtual meeting, offer a phone call.

Yeah.

Hey, I, I don't want— and start with, I don't want to take too much of your time, and this might not be something that you can help me with, but if, if you could spend 15 minutes with me on Zoom, I just want to share this thought with you. That is an easier approach than, Chrissanne, can you meet me for coffee? Can I come into your office? Can I— can you go across town? Can you come meet me here? Um, and that— and I think a lot of other people are going to receive that as well.

Absolutely.

And The only other thing I would say, if you're reaching out to make— to ask for access or, or, you know, the connection piece, um, be clear about what you're asking the connection to be made for.

Yeah.

So if you say to me, Chrissanne, I'm working on a project, this is what I'm doing, if you can connect me to Nate, this is what I want to ask him. And not just, you know, like gloss over, hey, can you connect me to Nate? Because now I'm going to ask you why. Yeah. And you're going to have to answer that. And it's not a rejection, it's just I'm not going to pass you through that, that portal until I know an intentional— and then I can say to Nate, hey Nate, this person's going to be reaching out to you. This is what they told me that they'd like to talk to you about. And so on the receiving end, you're like, oh cool, Chrissanne, yeah, that's a good opportunity. I, I'd be happy to take that call.

Yeah. And, and here's the thing too, I would say the cat— like, the other part of it is as well is if that person that you're trying to connect with to that other person is busy and then they say, hey, right it might not be a good time. In a week or a month, it's fine to, because here's the thing, if you, if I see like you're approaching me and I see that you're showing up, I may prime that person and say, hey, look, I know this guy, such and such is his name, this is what he's working on. What do you think about it? So I'm already talking just by you showing up. And so if you make that call, that door might be open and they may say, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was talking to Nate the other day and he was talking about you.

Exactly.

Just 10 minutes of my time.

Yeah. And you know, and one, one last final piece of advice on this topic. I really feel strongly about this, that, that Black Economics meeting, Tia Crockett, she's going to be a guest on an upcoming show, but she said something that was really, really powerful to me and talking about supporting other professionals in the community and, and investing in yourself, but also paying for the work that they're going to do for you.

Yeah.

She was talking about the circle. She said, you know, when we throw money into the circle, the money comes back around, right? So if I need you to do something for me and it's in your wheelhouse and you're a professional and you're a paid consultant or you do this work as a business, be prepared to pay them for it. Don't ask for the favor. Yeah, ask to say, I would like to become a client of yours. Yeah, because here's what I know about my clients. I am now— they're investing in me, I'm now going to invest in them. The connection comes, and that doesn't mean you to, you know, quote unquote pay to play.

Yeah.

But in some regards you kind of do.

Yeah.

Because this is Economics 101, right? Like, you, you can't— if you don't have it to give, you can't give it. So if there's no financial benefit or opportunity or reward in it, then it has to be more from a philanthropic side of things. And there's only so much philanthropy that you can do.

Yeah.

While running a business.

Absolutely.

So if you— your proposition is, or your opportunity is, hey, I'd like to hire you, I'd like to pay you for your time, that is going to be received 100% better than, 'Can I pick your brain?' Yeah. And if we can start to inspire entrepreneurial thinking in— I'm trying to make money as an entrepreneur, and I value others who are also trying to make money. So I am not asking for favors. I am their equal.

Yeah.

They are working to make a business work.

Yeah.

And in order for me to get my business to work, I'm probably going to make some important investments in others so that I can level myself up.

Oh yeah, absolutely.

You like my little hands?

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, man. You really got me thinking about that. I think that's important because a lot of times you— that's the difference, that's the shift between a hobby and you're treating it like a business. You're willing to invest in it.

Yeah, you're coming from abundance and not scarcity.

Absolutely.

I need somebody to help me. No, I'm going to pay somebody to help me. Like, whoa, it's a totally different discussion. Yeah, um, absolutely, I'll connect you to people and help you do, do things, but I also need to know that you're going to be in a position to support yourself.

Yeah.

And, and in turn can pay to play the game. I mean, it is, it's economics.

Yeah, right, it is, it is. Absolutely.

That's how it works, man.

This is a good conversation.

Oh man, we could keep going, but I think you're probably tired by now of listening. So I appreciate you guys listening today, and Remember, we have a new episode every week, so be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. And remember to leave us a review. We promise to read every one. You can always find all of our episodes at elevatepolk.com. And if there's something you want to hear about on an upcoming episode, please reach out to us on Facebook at Elevate Polk. Doo!