5 Tips to Becoming Bullyproof: Dealing with Rejection and Criticism

5 steps to deal with rejection and criticism. Today's lesson is all about rejection and criticism and how you can become bully-proof. Yes, I said bully-proof. You can't really go into the world and never be rejected. The one thing that makes someone love you— you're a great dancer, you're an amazing writer, you're a wonderful mother, would make someone else not like you. And many of you beautiful souls are coming on board psychically, spiritually, and feeling out of sorts. And hey, I understand. That was me in 2017. So watch this video to hear my thoughts. Hello, fellow empaths. I'm Christine J Gold, where I love to focus on 360-degree healing at all levels, and my life's purpose is to empower empaths towards authenticity, healing, and empowerment. I focus on practical spirituality, which is something we all need in this world, and really it's, you know, kind of balancing not too woo and not too poo. And I truly believe we are magical. We have always been intuitive, and we are remembering who we truly are at a soul level. And I like to share different ways that I've experienced in my life with you so you can seek out your own personal experience, aha moments, and epiphanies. Gone are the days of the guru. It is time to be our own spiritual leaders. Who's with me on this? Comment below. Can I get a hell yeah and an amen? So really, let's, you know, I've got 5 steps, so we're going to go through this. And unfortunately, there are people around us who are critical, and sometimes we have been our own inner worst critic. But let me tell you something, critical people are unhappy people, but we can't really escape from it, so we have to learn to be resilient. And so many years ago, rejection could have killed you. Like, we're talking centuries way back in the dark days, the dark times. So if you imagine living in a tribe, or maybe like Romeo and Juliet, He was banished. And, you know, they say he was banished, and I'd rather say, you know, he was— it was— he was killed. And there's nothing out there but purgatory. So it wasn't long ago we belonged to a tribe and we lived in walled cities, and if we were rejected, we wouldn't be able to live without it, you know, without them. So life isn't worth it if you're not in it. And we always hear these songs, "If you leave me now, I'll die." "I can't breathe, I can't live without you." And we believe still that we are fragile people who can be killed, ruined by rejection. And the truth is, rejection isn't going to kill you. In fact, it could be the best thing that ever happened to you. I say rejection is God's protection and redirection. It's not meant for you. And yeah, I'm going to talk about this. My first boyfriend dumped me. I was asked to leave college. I was fired from a job I really liked. But all of those things, when I look back, actually helped me a great deal. So what is rejection? It's someone saying you're not right. In fact, it was only last week someone wrote to me and said, hey, I don't like you. I don't like what you're doing. It's like, fine, um, they don't like me, uh, and you know, it's— it kind of messes with your mental health, uh, and I'm like, darling, no, it isn't. Like, you have that self-talk, um, but that's just a buzzword and that person, uh, doesn't mean anything, right? So I really— I don't believe that will mess up your mental health. You have to be resilient, and there are times when people will love you. So we don't want to fixate on the one person. I mean, there could be 100 people that are like, oh my God, you're so amazing, we love you, and then there's that one person. But we tend to fixate on the one person. So don't miss what doesn't miss you. Don't want what doesn't want you. This is just someone you're not, you know, just not their type. You You're not their cup of tea, and there's a lot of people you're not, and that's okay. And we've got to look at rejection, that, you know, you're not fragile and rejection will not kill you. And you really have to understand the truth: the only person that's about to reject you is you. And when you learn that no one can reject you without your consent, which you never ever have to give, then your life is different. So the thing I want you to imagine, this is a seesaw. Here's you, here's the critic, and you're equal. You are equal. So see the critic's mind. They don't see that. The critic sees this. They see you're slightly elevated. They don't like that. So then they have two choices. As a critic wants to— they want to be higher. And they can do it in two ways: elevate themselves or diminish you. To succeed, you have to let that in, and you never have to let them in. So here's what to do with a critic or someone who is trying to make you feel rejected. So let's imagine they say something like, oh my God, I saw that speech, it was terrifying. I hated your book. You don't look good in that. You don't look right in that. You really messed that up. That proposal is bollocks. No one's going to buy that. And your response is— here comes the first tip that's coming in— is thank you for sharing. Thank you for sharing, which may sound super weird But the thank you for sharing is actually saying, hey, you have an opinion, you're welcome to your opinion, thank you for sharing, but you know what, your opinion isn't my opinion and I don't have to let that in. And really, thank you for sharing at full stop is itself enough, right? Which, you know Some people will ask, even in family, you know, how long are you going to wait for so-and-so to propose to you? Which is rude. And I could have, you know, we could respond saying, how dare you? Or I could have joked and said, oh yeah, I've got him velcroed to the headboard. But I could have done anything, but I'm not letting that in. And when I say thank you for sharing that, it's called love. And I choose to walk away because it is a choice. If I'm flippant, if I let it in, if I get upset, if I allow things to trigger me, to wound me, do I have buttons, right? So that's really the first thing. So how can you imagine when someone says something really rude to you And, and the second point is, you say, I didn't get that, could you repeat that please? That's the second piece. So you say, thank you for sharing, and then you're like, oh, uh, hold on, I didn't get that, could you repeat that please? Now most people won't, and they'll go, oh, me and my big mouth, just ignore it, I was being silly, I was being I don't know what I was saying. And they already know when you say that, could you repeat all of that story, that you're gonna, you know, that you're gonna start talking about it. And if they say, me and my big mouth, don't, don't engage. Just go ignore it. That they've pulled back, they're like, ooh, kind of crossed a line there, boundary. Hmm. So now If you do say, could you repeat that? And then they go, yeah, I just said in your speech you were so stiff, you were so wooden. It would be an insult to wood. Or they say, you were dreadful, you're a terrible, terrible speaker. Hmm. So here comes tip number 3: are you trying to hurt my feelings and upset me? Are you trying to hurt my feelings and upset me? And maybe they'll go, oh no, no, no, no, of course not. I thought if I told you you were terrible and you might go and get some lessons on how to be a speaker. They truly do believe they're helping you. Here's the thing, they really do. They have good intentions. So when you say, oh, you're trying to upset me, they go, oh no, no, no, I just wanted you to know that Like one of my friends said, um, you know, her mother said to her, oh no, this, um, this man isn't going to work out. He's going to get bored with you and leave you. And she says to her mom, why are you saying that? And she goes, because I don't want you to be hurt because you're my lovely daughter. He's going to get bored and leave you. He's so much younger than you. You have 3 children. It's not going to work. Are you trying to hurt my feelings? I, you know, that's what she's saying here. No. And the mom's like, no, I'm trying to help you of Avoid the inevitable. So when you say to someone, are you trying to hurt me? And they go, no, no, not at all, I thought this is very useful advice, then that's okay. If they happen to say— and they might say— I really wanted to hurt you, like a bully, I wanted to diminish you and make you feel bad, you go, well, I'm not going to let that in. That's just not going to work. That's just not going to work. So you say, thank you for sharing. You say, I didn't get that, could you repeat it please? Number 3, are you trying to hurt my feelings and upset me? Number 4, well, I'm not going to let that in. That is just not going to work. So every time you're shutting this person down, and bullies will run out of energy, believe me. Here's step number 5, the biggest piece. Since we're sharing, did you know that people who are critical have the most criticism reserved for themselves, and they simply express outwardly, "And I'm so sorry you feel so bad about yourself." And I'm sure not many people have said that. To a bully, right? Because critical— or they say hurt people hurt people they don't like. That's more than anything. Critical people hurt people they don't like. And nobody says, hey, I'm having an amazing life today. The critics, right? Oh, hold on, my life is amazing. I'm going to grab my computer. Who, what, who can I wreck? Who can I diminish today? There must be someone. I'm going to go into YouTube and say to someone, I I hate your YouTube. You look stupid. Do you think a happy person does this? No, they don't wake up and go, I've got a great life, fully married, love my career, love myself, let me get on my laptop, let me grab my phone and diminish somebody today. No, unhappy people need more unhappy people. It's a collective. So someone who's miserable, usually miserable when they feel more equal. So you know where they're coming from. Critics are unhappy. They have the most prison reserved for them, and they're exposed to outwardly, you know, it's their inner criticism coming out. So we know that, and no one says, I'm having a wonderful time diminishing somebody else, do you? I know I don't. And they're unhappy. They're unhappy. And, and really, are you going to let them pass it on? I've had many, many, many children who are bullied in schools, and I was one. I was bullied. And I love to, you know, have this practice teach them this technique over and over again. So it's, it's really important, especially with kids. Um, they don't filter anything. They speak their minds, right? So one, one kid said, oh, you're horrible. I hate your clothes. And the kid's like, the kid said, thanks for sharing. And then he said, "No, but you're horrible. I hate everything you're wearing." And they said, "Could you say that more slowly?" "Yeah, you're horrible. I hate your clothes. You look stupid. You're trying to hurt my feelings." And they're like, "Yeah, and that's not— I'm not going to let that in, and I'm sorry you feel so bad about yourself." And you know what the bully said? "I'm running out of energy." doing this, couldn't keep coming back with things because he kept being shut down. So this is not working for me, and I keep repelling it, and the bully's running out of energy, and the bully has no interest anymore. Kind of like with narcissists, you grave rock them. If they have no drama, if they have nothing to drain energy from, if they're not getting a kick out of you, they'll find somebody else. So, and, and, and here's the thing, you, once you build yourself up like the, the kid, the kid said, I, I feel better and I can come back and I'm like a big rubber ball. I've got bounce. I keep bouncing back. And don't you want you and your kids to be so chilled that they've got an answer? So if kids can do this in the playground, I wish I had that technique growing up. So let's imagine what's the worst thing somebody could say. Maybe, you know, your mom or your brother saying, oh, he got the brains and he's so amazing. I don't know what happened to you. Look at your sister, isn't she amazing? So we're going to bring the points up again. Thanks for sharing that about my brother or sister. Thanks for sharing that. Or you could say, could you say that again? So we're repeating these steps. Could you say that again? Thank you for sharing. Could you say that again? Are you trying to hurt my feelings? And, and this is so key. And a lot of times, a lot of people again have good intentions, or they just want to motivate you or prevent you from being hurt. And then you just say, thank you for sharing, and then you Talk about how critical people have the most criticism reserved for themselves. And you know, those 5 things maybe feel a little unfamiliar, but I promise if you practice them over and over again, they get better. They get better. And many years ago, a friend of mine, long before she was married, she did an article for Cosmopolitan. And man, like, about how to have a successful relationship. And she was in the store with her mom, and they walked past the new stand, and she saw it and said, oh my God, Mom, look, I'm on the COVID of Cosmo! Let me buy a copy for us. And you know what she said? I don't want that. You're not very good at relationships, and you shouldn't have done this article. And she was really hurt. Could you imagine your mother saying this to you? And then she asked, why are you saying that, Mom? Are you trying to hurt my feelings? And she said, of course I'm not trying to hurt you. I just want to help you do what you're good at and not what you're not good at, which is relationships. And she remembers thinking, yeah, well, no wonder I'm not good at relationships. Hello, because here you are in a store criticizing me. But she was actually— when she spoke to her about it and very nicely didn't go, how dare you, you're so rude, look at your relationships, my God— she just said, why are you saying that? 'Are you trying to hurt my feelings?' And she came back with, 'No.' What she was saying from her point of view was very reasonable for her, and, you know, she was just trying to help her be good at what you're good at and avoid what you're bad at. But guess what? She's happily married now for many, many years. So what she— what her mom said was not true. And we have to learn that most people aren't standing there going, 'Let me hurt you. No one's ever saying, I'm rejecting you, I'm not calling you, I'm hurting you. Oh look, it's been hours since they said they would call me. They're not— they're just busy, they forget. We got to get out of this ego mind that it's all about me. There are some people who do like to reject you. So what do you think of the person you had to dump, or the person you had to let go of? Maybe someone you had to fire. Did you love it? I know I didn't, because, you know, oh, I get to wake up today and ruin someone's life and fire them and dump them. Most of us actually hate doing that. It's uncomfortable, and I can't imagine any, you know, getting pleasure from firing, rejecting, dumping. No, I don't. So remember that if you've ever had to do that and you haven't enjoyed it, you You know why someone's done a very bad job, a very clumsy job of doing it to you? It's not comfortable. They do it badly, but they come back to the truth. Nobody can reject you ever unless you give them permission. In fact, somebody wrote me on YouTube, and again, you know, I hate you, you have, you know, you're dressing way too young for your age, you, you wave your arms around like an idiot, your voice is just really deep and like a guy's voice. And I just thought, okay, well, yeah, I do wave my hands regularly. I like my shirts. I like how I dress. I love my voice. I fully embrace my voice. I wear things for myself. And I really try to imagine the person that got up and wrote that, right? And I could have said, hey, let's see what you look like, but I didn't. Because I would have let that in. So yeah, so what's— you know, that's really your opinion. And in a sea of opinions and critics, I really remember a story of Meryl Streep. And Meryl Streep was auditioning for the part in King Kong. And who doesn't love Meryl Streep? Uh, and the director said, Meryl, let me tell you truth. You're not beautiful. You'll never get this part. You're not pretty enough to be an actress. And she looked him straight in the eye and said, that's an opinion in a sea of opinions. I'm going to get another opinion. And if you ever saw Meryl Streep in Out of Africa, when Robert Redford washed her hair, she looked so beautiful. And she's an actress, and acting is about way more than being beautiful. But she did something real clever. She didn't let it in. She could have said, oh my God, I think I wasn't good enough. I'm— I would have lost out on Meryl. Meryl's a gift to the acting world. But she chose not to let in that critic and not take the rejection. On board. And we all get to choose every day. You said something mean, something hurtful, something horrible. We lash out, but you can choose not to let that in. There's hurt people, there's damaged people. They want to be around that. They want to circulate that negativity and that darkness because then it makes them feel better about themselves. But your choice is— you get to make that every day. And you cannot reject me unless I give you consent, and I'm not doing that. You can be critical of me, but that means you're a critical person. Wow, you know, there's so much of that. And there, there is such a thing as constructive criticism, right? You can just say thank you. Like, maybe you're always late, you talk too fast, you're not looking at the camera, you don't make eye contact, stuff like that. And you can just say, oh, okay, thank you. And you're right, you have— sometimes I tend to be looking all over and, um, time gets away from me, uh, and I like something valuable what you're saying instead of taking it personally and that going into attack and defense, right? So, but destructive criticism is something different. We're not going to let that in. And that on its own can change your entire life. And that's how you really can bring in phenomenal resilient mental health. So yeah, this is— those were the 5 steps to deal with rejection and criticism, how to be bulletproof. Number 1, thank you for sharing. Number 2, you say, I'm sorry, I didn't get that, could you repeat that please? Uh, are you trying to hurt me or hurt my feelings, upset me? Well, I'm not going to let that in. That's just not going to work. And then you, you share. You tell them about how critical people are, so critical for themselves. And I'm so sorry you feel bad for yourself. And I'm going to throw in a bonus tip: I can see you're hurting. When you're ready to talk about it, I'm here. Which might really— may Maybe no one's ever said that to them. So that comes with a lot of compassion and empathy, but with boundaries. That's the biggest piece, with boundaries. Amazing, amazing. And if you would like to work with me further, um, yeah, I, I do all of these things, coaching. I have, uh, a telepathic psychic how to speak with your animals course coming up. I also have a 1-year, uh, mentorship, and I have online courses through the Soul Healers Community. The Dark Night to Light is a 12-week transformation, and I'd love to have you on board because I know there's a lot of you are coming online who are going through it, who need extra support, who need to have spirituality first to heal all the wounds, the trauma and everything else that's going on in your life. And I mean, here's another course, Empaths and Narcissists, which, you know, I've gone through, many of my clients have gone through, and it's about healing the power struggle forever. So those were your 5 tips to becoming bully-proof, uh, in regards to criticism and rejection. Because we are living— we're spiritual beings in a physical world, so we're going through this. I want to thank you so much, and I'd love to work with you. All the details below. If this resonates with you, please comment, share, do all those wonderful things, subscribe, and that just helps others find my content. Thank you so much and take care of yourself.