Boundaries - What they are and what they are not!

Hello and welcome everyone. I'm Christine with 24 Karat Healing. I'm spiritual medium, intuitive energy coach, and old soul healer. And yeah, impromptu live, uh, I thought I would switch things up. I hope everyone's enjoying their summer so far. We're, you know, as they say, the dog days, and we're at the And, um, looking forward to, you know, the new season. Maybe some of us are still, you know, ready to take off for that vacation. So, you know, comment below and let me know what your summer is like, what you're looking forward to. I've already seen pumpkin spice everywhere, so I'm— I know there's, you know, you guys out there that love that pumpkin spice. All right, so this is all about boundaries. Now, why, um, what are we talking about here when I say boundaries? I, you know, I, I've been talking about this for quite a while. And, uh, if you're new, say hello. If you've been here before, say hello. Let us know how everything is. And if you're on the replay, let us know as well. So, um, because I've been seeing, you know, we're getting collectively waves of people waking up, and I've been seeing a ton of posts, people asking, you know, I'm anxious, I feel crazy, how do I meditate? It's almost like, you know, all the work that we've been doing, we're here as caregivers in a sense to welcome in the new wave, to kind of guide and show them the way. So, you know, the whole reason I wanted to do boundaries is I've been seeing a lot of talk, you know, people asking about boundaries. What are they? What aren't they? There's myths, there's misconceptions. You know, we tend to, as caregivers and past lightworkers, sensitives, whatever your role, whatever your purpose is— everyone has a purpose, that's why we're here— we tend to forget. So even for myself, I mean, this is not just for you guys, it's for myself as well. Um, the more that we share and the more that we connect and collaborate, um, the better we all are, especially with everything fluctuating depending on where you are in the world. It is different everywhere, but the collective heaviness is the same. And let me know if you're feeling that. Let me know. And some days are lighter than others, right? It's all how we, um, take care of ourselves too. Okay, so we're going to be busting myths, sharing truths, and, um, I really want you to bring your questions. Um, you know, does anybody here have trouble with boundaries? Share your thoughts. Let's empower each other. Share this out too. I so appreciate you. I want to give a big shout out to everybody on YouTube as well. I have reached over 1,000 subscribers, so thank you so much. I appreciate you all. I appreciate you on Facebook or wherever you happen to watch and/or listen to this on podcast as well. Because the Power of Healing Your Energy is coming back. It starts September 1st, so stay tuned for that. And hi, hi Tanya, so nice to see you. Thank you for being here. And she's just saying she's moving away this weekend. Changes here, feel a lot of pressure on getting the packing done. I'm doing it on my own, partner already away, downsizing into an RV for a month. Nice, I love that. Let us know how that goes because I, you know, I'm sure you guys already know that I have an RV myself, so you know, downsizing twice in less than a year is very challenging, and it actually kind of shows you your boundaries as well— what you're going to take on, what you're not going to take on anymore. All right, so yeah, what are they? Well, I'll give you a definition, and if you'd like to write this down, go for it. If you'd like to stop and replay this and make it your own, put it up on the wall break it up into a mantra, an affirmation, whatever it is, so you don't forget. Because the more that you practice speaking it, walking it every day, the better equipped you will be. So a definition of boundary is, you know your preferences, you know your desires, and you know your limits and your deal breakers. What are your deal breakers? And you have the capability to communicate them precisely, concisely in all your relationships. And here's the kicker, you do it with ease, with grace, and with kindness. I remember when I would overgive, overcompensate over everything, I would reach a point where I would just crash and get frustrated. And lose it. And then I would just— that's it, I'm unleashing my sword and, you know, do not cross this line and just went, you know, to the other side where you don't have to get all worked up. That's why we need to practice this more. Okay, so here's some myths about boundaries. Boundaries, number 1: boundaries push people away. I talked about this yesterday in our group Unleash Your Soul's Purpose. We have a biweekly group every Wednesday evening and every Saturday morning, and we're talking about boundaries. And I mean, many of the people that show up, you know, we all have that issue. We all have trouble saying no. All right, and it doesn't push people away. We've got to let that go. Number 2, real love needs no boundaries. That's guilting and shaming us. So we gotta rethink that too. Love is having a boundary. It— think of if you had a child or a pet, would you just let them run across the street? I don't think so. That's why you instill a boundary, right? Same idea, same principle with yourself. Number 3: Boundaries are selfish. Oh, I love that one. Just like you'd hear self-care is selfish. It's not. It's, it's all here, baby, how you perceive it, right? Uh, number 4: boundaries require you to be mean. I just talked about that. It absolutely does not. Absolutely does not. You can say it with kindness, with integrity. Maybe you need to practice it in the mirror so you can see your inflection, your body language, your tone. I, you know, tone is everything. I've been told to watch my tone because, you know, as you get anxious or stressed or whatever is going on, your, your pitch changes in your voice and it sends out that vibration, and then other people are feeling that. They're like, whoa, what's going on over there? See what I mean? So just be careful. Number 5, boundaries require too much time. Oh, yeah. No, I want a quick fix. I want instant gratification. I don't want to have to work on myself because it's everybody else's problem. Say everybody else has nothing to do with me. No, no, dear. Responsibility. Accountability. Response-able. You are able to be responsible. Account-able. You are accountable. And that is called spiritual bypassing if you do not, or tucking it away in boxes and waiting for it to come out somewhere unrelated where you have a total meltdown, right? Speaking from experience, guys. All right, number 6: it requires you to say no all the time. That's not true. And number 7, people will like you less. Oh yes, us people pleasers, we want everyone to like us. But sometimes I, I know people that are the happiest, so happy, and they tell me that people just don't like them because they're too happy. And I'm like, oh well, maybe it might rub off on them and maybe not, and it doesn't matter. You just keep shining, right? You just keep shining and doing you. Uh, Tanya's just talking about, I have too many boundaries on myself. Work first, then play. Ah, this time I'm doing things different. I won't worry as much as it will get done. That's right. When you're— when you play with the infinite universe, the universe plays with you. And it is cyclical. It— once you start lighting up and activating who you are on a soul level by play and creativity, amazing things happen. And you are— and that was the other thing in the group yesterday was deservability. I don't deserve to be abundant. So we talked about past lives. Maybe you made a vow of chastity, of poverty, whatever it is, you got to find out where that is. Um, so really Instead of, you know, you gotta— it's always about being in the inner balance. So using a pencil rather than a sledgehammer out of frustration, right? Pencil, light. This is what it is. Dotting my i's, crossing my t's, um, and not going— I always say this— out and going Joan of Arc on everybody. Joan of Arc. Anyways, Yeah, so really bring your questions, share your thoughts. I mean, Tanya's been wonderful and so, just so honest and forthright in sharing your journey. And the more that we do that, other people are like, oh wow, that's amazing, inspirational, me too, right? If you start bridging, you're a great bridge. So there's 3 types of they call them boundary breakers, people that like are first-timers. There's one group where they make a request for a preference. But, you know, you really, a lot of times they don't know they're doing it. So it is genuinely an oops. Okay. So don't, you know, people aren't really good at boundaries. You'll, you'll see that, that's fine. You just tell them, that's all. Number 2 group is the ones that ask you 5 times in 5 different ways. Why don't you sleep on it? Oh, maybe we'll talk about it later. And they keep asking. Pay attention. Say, you know what, this is the 4th time you've asked me and I should have told— I did tell you no the first time. And the second time, I say don't ask me ever again. That's it. End of story. Number 3 are the repeat offenders. Anybody got those? I know I do. And they just keep asking and they don't care. They walk across every, every boundary that you have, and many times they have disorders— narcissist, sociopath, psychopath, right? And they can be family and friends. Pay attention. It could be your partner. Pay attention. Pay attention. And the more that you establish a boundary, the more you will see how people react. And it is react because they're not getting their way. So you are really watching this and going, wow. And at first you're like shocked or whatever it happens to be. And then after you're like, This is interesting. And then after, it's like a movie. And then, and you really get used to it where you're just laughing, um, not at them but just inside going, gosh, um, I, I'm learning a lot about this, and so are they. That's it. That's it. All right. Hi, Patty, so nice to see you. Oh, she's saying that's her, that's her daughter. Okay, yeah, so you might want to go back because we talked about, you know, the myths of, of boundaries and the 3 different types. Um, so yeah, I, I really wanted to implore that, um, and really, you know, doing your spiritual work, doing your work every day. How do you start your day? What do you start it with? Is it something positive? Is it meditation? Is it journaling? You know, um, is it mantras, decrees, affirmations? I mean, there was a beautiful lady in our group yesterday that she puts everything on a Word document and then she uses the read-only transcription and it will highlight every single word, like the— all the affirmations, and read it back to her. And I'm like, that's amazing. So I'm sharing that with all of you. If you guys want to type out your own affirmations, maybe you don't have any You can just get them off of Google anywhere and just start making your own and put them on Post-its, put them wherever. So the more you practice boundaries, the more less guilty you will feel about removing toxic people from your life. So it doesn't matter if it's a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance. You don't have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. So it's one thing, like the first group we talked about, where they own up to it, right, for their behavior and make an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go. Right? And another way you can notice— these are red flags, right? We're just all being reminded of this. You know you're dealing with a narcissist when the behavior they use behind closed doors has no resemblance to the behavior they use in public. I call that the Jekyll and Hyde syndrome, where they're so nice and on their best behavior, and then you go to a restaurant, for example, and they totally freak out on the waitress or the staff, or they flip out in traffic, right? That, that's what I mean. You gotta watch. And controllers, abusers, and manipulative people don't question themselves ever because they do no wrong, right? Everything they do is of the highest, and they don't ask themselves if the problem is them. They always say the problem is someone else. Oh yeah, Robin, sorry, I just seen that. That's cute. I, I can even hear David Spade go, bye-bye, bye-bye. Yes, exactly. Perfect, perfect way to, to do it. Um, and there's other signs. I mean, I post them all over my social media too. Follow me at 24 Karat Healing. Um, control issues. Your partner is always right and you must have And they must have their own way and you often find yourself complying because keeping peace is easier, walking on eggshells. I'm sorry, I don't do that anymore. I don't subscribe to that. Communication problems. Whenever you have a concern or different opinion, you're usually met with anger or manipulation. Hmm, twisting, twisting. And then walking on eggshells because of their energy, their words and behavior, you constantly find yourself like tiptoeing around. Oh, I don't want to upset every everyone. I want to be the peacemaker. No, it is draining your energy. It is draining the, you know, who you are. And you're the bad guy. Oh, I love that one. You've been made to feel that all of the problems and issues in the relationship lie with you. Yeah, I'm sure you get blamed for everything, right? And you're crazy. All right, so And also, there are narcissistic— narcissist supporters, so people that support and know that the narcissist was abusive towards you, but they still remain friends with them. They are toxic too. And as David Spade would say, "Uh-buh-bye," right? Because as an empath, as a sensitive, As a lightworker, as a child of God, that's really what that is. We crave, we love, love, respect, and companionship. And a narcissist craves admiration, attention, and control. That's it. All right, that is my, you know, tips about boundaries. Um, yeah. Hi Madeline, so nice to see you. Yeah, great topic. I feel like we're continually working on this issue. It just keeps coming up till we fully see it right away, you know, we spot it. It's like the stop sign in traffic, right? Um, Patty's just saying, my daughter's really scared about what's going on in Afghanistan. She's placing so much fear out there. I have talked to my granddaughters not to fear because God will take care of us. Yes. Yeah, that's really hard when someone's projecting that and, you know, We also sent prayers and love to Haiti, to Afghanistan, to, you know, wildfires, to whatever is going on just around the world always. But yes, um, uh, you know, if I'm with God, then who's against me? What's against me? Nothing. I walk in the power, in the peace, in the presence of who God is. God is oneness, and so are we. God is love, and so are we. How did we ever forget? We were distracted for a mere minute and maybe we forgot, or we'd like to forget and just tap out and tune out and pretend it doesn't exist. Oh, Patty, I'm sorry to hear that. She, she's saying that her husband is all three— controlling, Jekyll and Hyde syndrome— and it has, yeah, that has so many Um, it's really hard to be in, in that, and I'm sending you lots of love. Robin's sending a heart as well. Thank you, Robin. All right, so yeah, that is, you know, I'm keeping this short so of course anybody who wants to watch this on the replay or listen to it can get a really good idea of, um, boundaries and just knowing And really, I think being the observer when you see it, and if you feel triggered or something inside of you, let it come to the surface and go, okay, is this mine or is this theirs? And then you get really good at seeing what is really yours and what is just being put into that thought field for you to either grab it and go down the rabbit hole— or the crazy train, I call it the crazy train, sometimes you can't get off with your thoughts, right? Or are you going to go, "Oh, I see you and I'm going to do something with this. I'm going to meditate on it, I'm going to journal, I'm going to create something, I'm going to do art, I'm going to go out in nature, I'm going to nurture this into love and it's just going to go through me." I've had a few people also say that they they'll get thoughts in their head that are not theirs, meaning, dare I say it, you know, doing harm to themselves or thinking harmful thoughts. And I'm like, no, this is darkness. I mean, just today my dad and I were walking across a parking lot, walking, and some guy almost ran us down and yelled at us and told us to hurry up. And I said, not today, Satan. My dad is 73. I, I don't— nobody should have to run in a parking lot. Do you see what I mean? You're being tested all the time to come out of, you know, your beautiful light and keep shining it. Shine it brighter. It just makes them— it just really exposes the darkness. That's basically what I'm saying. So just be very aware that many times anything that comes in is not yours. It is in the this collective fear bubble, bubbles like thought bubbles, poof, just pop them. Go away. Right? Just not today. Get behind me. Not today. You know, I'm grounded and I'm centered and rooted in who I am. And that's all that matters. And that is all that matters. And that's why you're here. So if you're listening, please, you know, reach out if you're struggling. Um, we're all in this together. We're all in this together. All right, so just a few house cleaning options here. As always, always doing events. I mean, I'm doing this one currently. I'm— it's Saturdays And it's Wednesday evenings at 7 PM. You can sign up either through Facebook or on meetup.com. All right. And I'd like to do some in-person stuff as well, guys. So that is coming. I'm already doing yoga in the park where I am. As well, coming up September 20th, The Power of 8. It's an infinity group mentorship. Really focusing on your purpose and your intuitive gifts. Same with the one-on-one mentorship for Unleash Your Magic, and I know I have a few graduates here as well. You know who you are. And every month I also do a group mediumship reading called Messages of Love. All the links to that will be in the comments afterwards, guys. It's already there. And then of course we've got Season 3, The Power of Healing Your Energy. It starts September 1st, 2021. And yeah, um, I was also reminded by the tagline. Um, there was a beautiful lady last night, Ekta from Washington. Uh, you might be watching this, but, uh, beautiful, uh, soul. She said She, you know, she was the one that gave me the idea about the affirmations on a Word document, but, and reading them out. But she had also said that my tagline, healing begins where the ego ends, changed everything for her. That quote just resonated with her. So I'm reminded continually, because that was my journey, of why I do what I do. And I want to you guys to find your spark, your epiphany, your purpose. Um, I, I, I'm reminded every day why I do what I do, because seeing somebody else have their inner transformation, I can't even put into words. So, all right. Yes, uh, yeah, amen is right, Patty. And the thought of leaving scares me, but I'm scared I'm gonna lose myself. See, you, you've got— that's an amazing epiphany, Patty. So where can you find that in the middle that makes sense for you and works for you and feeling absolute freedom? You know, my dad is going through the same thing after 20-something years. He is on his own. Not easy, guys, not easy. Okay, uh, Robin, you're so welcome, and thank you, God Patty, for your beautiful smile and your light and everything that you do with your grandkids. They are lucky to have you. You're, you're an amazing grandma. All right. Yes, yes. Oh yeah, Radley Valentine, that beautiful, uh, tarot reader. You, you, I, you, you just make me blush. Anyways, thank you for sharing that with them. That's amazing. I, I do appreciate that, Patty. All right guys, I am sending you so much love. And also the September energy update is coming out shortly in the next couple days, so subscribe to YouTube because that is the only place you're going to be able to find out what's going on for the month of September, the affirmations and the power animal, the spirit animal for September. Maybe put your guesses in what you think it might be. All right, I'm sending you so much love. Please remember, healing begins where the ego ends. Mwah!