Forgiveness is the secret weapon that can transform your life in 2024

Christine J Gold. Did you know that people who practice forgiveness report feeling happier and healthier? And studies show that forgiveness reduces stress, anxiety, and improves relationships. Crazy, right? I don't think so. I feel it's a superpower that we all have access to. Hey everyone, welcome back. Today we're diving into a topic that's super important but often overlooked— forgiveness. It's not just about letting go of grudges, it's about personal growth emotional well-being. Forgiveness is a game changer in how we see ourselves and our relationship with others. And I truly believe that we are here for 3 things: unconditional love, love with no conditions, healing at all levels. And forgiveness, the reason why we're here. Now I want to talk about what makes forgiveness tough. I get it, a lot of us struggle. I've struggled with feelings of resentment and anger, and holding on to grudges can feel like a heavy backpack we can't just take off. You know, when they talk about baggage and carrying our crap around, our rocks. It's like, why do we let these negative feelings weigh us down? Maybe it's pride, maybe it's fear being hurt again, or perhaps we just don't know how to move past the pain. And of course, you know, trauma— everything is rooted in trauma. But the truth is, this is an emotional burden that affects mental health and relationships. And I will say physical health as well. Like I've talked about, the body keeps score, right? It will manifest a disease. So, and many of us don't even realize it. I know when I had my dark night of the soul in 2017, and I mean multiple, multiple, like I needed to get whacked upside the head. I don't know how many times until I came crashing down. And realized all the stuff that I was stuffing inside myself was not working. It's not working. And it manifested in, oh my goodness, I had hormonal issues, I had fibroids, which a lot of women have and struggle with. I had mental health issues, anxiety, depression. I drank too much, I smoked too much, I ate too much. It was just too much. So, um, what exactly is forgiveness and why is it powerful? Forgiveness isn't about excusing someone's bad behavior or saying what they did was okay. All right, it's about freeing yourself from those toxic feelings. And I know personally, and I've seen it in my clients, that when we forgive, uh, you know, we experience a ton of benefits. Decreased anxiety, improved mood, because we're not snagged on it, we're not connected to it, we're not attached, we're not hooked. There's a lot of hooks going on. There are techniques to help foster a forgiving mindset. For instance, practicing empathy is as simple as just taking a breath and going to your heart. Putting your hands on your heart, like, like actually touching yourself and going, wow, I need to start living from my illusions, what I'm seeing, what I'm feeling, right? And maybe look at the other person's perspective, and I'll talk about that later. Journaling is huge. Journaling your feelings. I call it a brain dump journal. BDJ. Sometimes we just need to go blah, blah, blah and get it out. Or talking to a trusted friend and asking for permission to dump on them or vent. That's important to help process your emotions. And it's all about making conscious choice to let go, which leads to healing and newfound sense of peace. So for example, Many of us think that forgiveness only benefits the other person, the person who hurts you, when actually it's for you because you're releasing that poison of bitterness and anger and you're able to live with real peace and joy. And one of my mentors said, "Get better, not bitter." I'm sure you know some people who are bitter. Another reason we choose not to forgive is, of course, maybe we're not ready, and that's completely fine. But the other one is we think it's too— we think, there's the problem right there, we need to go to the heart right away, it's too hard. And that's a lie. So I've got 4 steps that can take you, like, take you through to genuinely forgive. Make a decision. Just decide. I mean, the whole point of my video is forgiveness is a choice and a decision. Um, it's more than just saying, oh yeah, or praying, I forgive so-and-so. It's a serious decision that you make over and over again, and it will be uncomfortable and maybe painful, but going through the process, it is so worth it. So that's the first thing. Number 2, depending on God. And God is not some dude sitting in the sky. We, we're beyond that. It's a consciousness, it's a universe, okay? It gives us the strength to forgive. We can live with a prayerful mindset and attitude. Help me not be offended today, because many of us in the world go out and look for ways to be offended. We do. Uh, keep me from unnecessary anger. I mean, there's healthy anger, but if you're triggered all the time and you're walking around angry all the time, not healthy, you know. And if I'm mad at someone, show me who it is. I ask every day, show me, show me, show me, lead me, lead me, tell me, tell me, and give me the grace to forgive them. Because grace is something you already have. And if you're easily offended or there's a person in your life who just annoys you— there's, we all, we all have somebody— not only do you have to decide to forgive and live in peace, but you're going to have to depend on Source or God, the universe, the grace to do it and make it a matter of prayer. And this has nothing to do with religion, okay? I'm going to say right here, God has no religion. And if you are triggered by this, you have old beliefs, you were condemned, ostracized, you need to heal your religious wounds. Number 3, understand your emotions. And one definition of emotion is to move out, because when we're in the emotion, we're like, we're stuck, we're not moving anywhere. So if we can process in and out, it really changes and gives us a desire to do something. For example, when somebody hurts you and you feel pain, the first thing you, of course, want to do is tell them off. You may want to get back at them, lash out, or maybe just run away. Those are all stress responses, triggers like fight, flight, freeze. Freeze, fawn. But you don't have to make that choice. Remember, your will gives you the ability to live beyond your feelings, right? Given time, your emotions will catch up with your decision to forgive. And number 4, this one I get a lot of backlash for: pray for your enemies. Really, it's very much the hardest thing to, to follow. And to practice. But really, it's for your benefit because, you know, the perceived enemies are people that you don't have a connection with, you don't understand, you feel triggered by them. There's a whole bunch of reasons. So if you can pray for them, that maybe your shift in consciousness will bring you to the same point, if that makes sense. So really, the choice is yours. You can arrive at a new level of joy as you take meaningful actions to forgive. And I want you to encourage— to do yourself a favor and just forgive. So I want to talk more about forgiveness and self-compassion. So the definition of forgiveness, I I looked it up, I looked up, there was a bunch of different ones, but this one really resonated with me. And maybe it resonates with you. If not, go find your own. Forgiveness is not merely accepting what happened or ceasing to be angry. Rather, it involves voluntary transformation. And that's the work that I do. I don't tell you what to do. It's about transforming who you are. Of your feelings, your attitudes, and behavior so that you're not dominated, weighed down by resentment, and you can express compassion, generosity, right? And being compassionate and empathetic is not a weakness. It is a superpower strength. And whoever told you that— and I was told growing up, maybe you were as well— that Stop crying. You're being a baby. You're such a crybaby. You're so sensitive. So then you started to realize, oh, I don't feel safe. So I understand. I get it. So let me ask you, do you always need to be right or win an argument? I had this discussion in another group the other day, and there were a few people that said, oh yeah, I'd love to debate, debate, debate, debate because I know I'm right. I'm like, I Ah, no. Where do you think this stems from? Any guesses? I mean, comment below if you have an idea where that comes from, right? Well, I'll tell you, it comes from resentment. Resentment. Pretty easy if you think about it. Or you just feel into it, resentment, right? And what's the solution? Let me know below. I'm sure you already know, it's the title of this video, forgiveness. You must let go of resentment and anger because like I said, the body keeps score and the body will tell you. That's why I teach intuition development and developing your clairs. Because you will feel it in the body first. It tends to hit the gut, right? Or maybe you get like a chill. For me, chills are confirmations of what I'm speaking or what I'm saying or what I'm sharing with somebody that, oh yeah, keep leaning into that. Okay, so Wayne Dyer, love him, he says, don't go looking for ways to be offended, learn to let go. Let God be like water and flow. And with the ever-changing world— and there's a lot of changes, my friends, and there will be way more as systems start to break down all around us— we must learn to adapt, be resilient, learn how to pivot, learn how to create community, connection, coopetition, collaboration, and cross-pollination, because that is the shift into this new age that Everybody's talking about, but everyone's like, what does that mean? Well, right here, forgiveness. And of course our mind, our egos will go, they don't deserve it. If you only knew what they did to me. That's a big one, especially with a lot of us who have been abused, and not just emotional or mental, physical, but you know, the sexual abuse. I'm not going to take it. And I need to control because my whole life has been out of control, has been unsafe. Unforgiveness will imprison you in your past. That's where depression lives, in your past. Unforgiveness keeps that pain alive. It keeps you in that stress response. It keeps you in that loop. It keeps you in, uh, your central nervous system. Now you're inflamed, you're Inflammation is the root to all disease. Unforgiveness never lets that wound heal. You ever had a wound where you're picking at it? Well, it's not going to heal. And if you go through life reminding yourself of what was done to you, stirring up the pain, making yourself progressively angrier, you go through life accumulating bad feelings. And what is the solution? Choice. We all have choice. So what are you choosing not to do and choosing to do? What decision have you shelved, or have you avoided, or have you dismissed or bypassed because you don't want to go there? We're going there, and I'm here to help guide and support you. This whole community is, by the way. Otherwise, it is a poison you're allowing to toxify everything in your life— your mind, your body, your spirit, your relationships, your finances. You are staying in a trauma loop, a story, and victim consciousness. Now, I will talk about You know, if you've had trauma of any kind, and some of it is just horrific, you start out as you're the victim, you're in that victim consciousness. I understand. Under means I have no idea what you're talking about. Understand means I've been through it. So you're starting with the victim, then you're shifting into survivor, meaning, oh, you know, I— this was in the past, I'm now working towards my future and healing. And now you're moving into being a thriver, and that's what I want for all of you— thriving. So what can you do now? Practice forgiving yourself. Speak to yourself lovingly. There's a lot of inner critics out there. I was a former inner critic. Sometimes I catch myself. I always ask, is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Most times it's not, and I would never speak to myself any more than I would speak to my children or my animals. Right? Prayer, meditation, breathwork. I did a huge, like, just off the cuff after my yoga. I sat there with my bowl. I did some chanting. I went through, you know, the riff of the A-E-I-O-U and oohs and ohms. And it was amazing with some light language. So if that's something you'd like me to share, let me know. I'd love to do that with you. Journaling, like I said, your brain dump journal, your gratitude journal. Gratitude is an attitude that needs to be practiced daily. Your dream journals, taking a compassionate inquiry, Forgiveness letter. I do share an inner child letter in the Soul Healers Method. That's part of the practice. Mirroring, going on the mirror, just recording yourself on the phone, practicing it. Boundaries, cutting cords, protection practices, self-care, love. Hapono'ono, which is an ancient Hawaiian forgiveness technique, and I'll share it with you if you're not familiar with it right now. Just imagine someone in front of you. Close your eyes. And looking at them, Say, "I'm sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. Thank you." 4 easy steps. And I'm just going to go through some quotes. I mean, these are people that I've read books, followed for a long time, that have given me aha moments, epiphanies, and shifts. Because there's a lot of shifts happening. Buddha said, forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. Thich Nhat Hanh, which we just lost 2 years ago, forgiveness will not be possible until compassion is born in your heart. Dr. Wayne Dyer, the Godfather of Ego, Forgiveness is an act of self-love. I mean, that's powerful. Caroline Myss: Forgiveness is a mystical act, not a reasonable one. Mystical, source, divine, divinity, outside of yourself, right? Whereas reason is here, the mind, the ego. Now we're going here. Brené Brown: Forgiveness is difficult because it involves death and grief. Ooh, that one hit. We're all dying in some way, and we die every day. I mean, I pray to die well every night of my illusions, of my judgments, of whatever's going on in my life. And grief, grief is in everything. You're losing friends, you're losing family, you're losing jobs, you're losing income, you're losing land. There's loss everywhere, okay. There's grief. It's a collective grief of everything we thought we knew is now being broken. Viktor Frankl: I do not hold a grudge for anyone. Imagine a Holocaust survivor not holding a grudge for anyone. And my own, out of, out of my book, Intuition Saved My Life, my first— it's a spiritual memoir— forgiveness is healing the hurt child inside. And that's really what it's about. So if we want grace, we have to dole it out. We have to Hand it out freely and wholeheartedly. And some of the books I recommend, like for compassion, it's called The Compassion Book by Tom Bond. Amazing book. Worldwide courses. In fact, one of my students, Catherine, out of France, runs the French component of The Compassion Book course and the book itself. Forgiving What You Can't Forget by Lisa TerKeurst, anything by Ram Dass, Wayne Dyer, Dr. Gabor Maté, Brené Brown, Carolyn Mess. I'll throw the Bible in there, A Course in Miracles. I mean, these are some of the things that I read that really resonated with me. Ah, and working on your lower 3 chakras. Those are earth ego-based: solar, sacral, root. Those are the hardest. Those seem to be the most difficult ones. Once you get those cleared, you will feel lighter and brighter moving up to the heart, which is the soul. And then the upper 3: throat, third eye, crown. Divinity, consciousness, source, your guides, your angels, your loved ones. And, and I'm going to talk about the unholy trinity: religion, science, and politics. Those are my beliefs. That's what causes judge, hate,, and separation, unforgiveness, resentment, right? Why would you want to go there? So we're in this new Earth, Golden Age, paradigms being shifted. That old patriarchal energy is being broken, the illusion, old systems, old beliefs. And I feel it's an exciting time. I do. I don't know about you, but I do. So I'm going to take you through a quick exercise. I want you to close your eyes for a moment because I will take you to the door of your soul. Are you ready? I want you to imagine— now really get into this, close your eyes. Visualize, feel a feeling, a memory of someone you cannot forgive. One unforgivable thing. That person walks up to you and says, whoa, bummer, I'm sorry I did this, but you know I never meant to hurt you, and hey, can we just call it a day? Did that clear that for you? Did that work for you? Why didn't it heal? Because that whole thing, "I never meant to hurt you," doesn't sit, doesn't clear, doesn't go to the soul. That toxic, sick feeling, "You never meant to hurt me? What? Wow." I want you to picture that sword going right past your mind and right into your soul, because that's the thing. That's the thing. And a lot of people are— that's a very dismissive, um, apology. Not even an apology. I don't even know what you call it. You can tell me. Okay, so We're going to clear the scene. Let's redo this scene. Clear the energy. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. And this person comes up to you and says, I need to speak with you. I need to tell you something. I consciously knew what I was doing. I sinned against you. I heard my conscience say, don't do this. I know my actions redirected the course of your life. How much I hurt you, how much it hurt you. But it didn't stop me. And this is not a boo-boo, or this is not even an apology. I'm confessing my soul to you. I'm asking you for my forgiveness. That's the depth of your soul, my friends. That's what gets that sword out. That's what heals, because you're not only— you were felt, you were seen, you were heard, You are validated, and, and atonement is already yours. And that's what we need more of. And let me tell you about forgiving judgment of others and just forgiveness. For example, it's as easy as remembering that this other person's perception, their vision is clouded, their fears, all of these blocks beliefs, BS belief systems are blocking, and it's different from ours, okay? So we will be perceived in their stuff, not your stuff, but theirs, their level of consciousness, right? If it makes sense. So in some ways we played a part in this, yes, as we were all transmitting energy because we are energetic beings. Unconscious behaviors and patterns, and speaking from our wounds and stories that become comfortable and somewhat comforting. Rather, we start speaking from our hearts, the most intelligent part of our souls, the greatest healer, love, the biggest energy of all, love. Don't dull your shine for anybody, okay? And I love to see others. I go, Namaste, children, sisters, brothers. The light within me greets the light within you. We are all one. Let me know how that felt for you. And I want to share a powerful story that truly illustrates the transformative power of forgiveness. A friend of mine, let's call her Sarah, went through a really tough time when her father walked out on the family. Happened to me too. For years, she held on to anger and resentment, which affected her relationships and happiness. One day, she decided Enough is enough. She started journaling about her feelings, reflecting on the pain but also the good memories. Over time, she realized that she was holding on to anger that was only hurting her. She reached out to her dad and had a heart-to-heart conversation. It wasn't easy, but this act of forgiveness lifted a huge weight off her shoulders. I mean, that's where we tend to carry a lot of stuff too. At least that's what my massage therapist says. Sarah found freedom in that choice, and it completely changed her outlook on life. So I'm going to wrap this up. Forgiveness is a powerful decision we all can make. It is always about choice. It is not easy, but nothing in life that is worth having is easy. Stop— get that out of your head, okay? But the benefits are undeniable, and it leads to emotional, physical, financial freedom, better relationships, happiness, or happierness. And remember, forgiveness is a choice and it transforms your life. True story, it happened to me. Now I want to hear from you. Have you ever experienced the power of forgiveness? Share your stories in the comments below. And if you found this video helpful, don't forget to do all those wonderful things to support the community, to support each other. And I'm sending you lots of love. Take care of yourself, and please remember, healing begins where the ego ends.