Hospice Nurse Shares What She Learned Holding People's Hands at the End

Hello, empowered empaths, and welcome to The Power of Healing Your Energy Show. I'm Christine J Gold, and I'm a spiritual medium, intuitive energy coach, and old soul healer. This is a live show and podcast all about unconditional love, your light, your intuition, and your soul's purpose. Season 2, Episode 31 is all about the hospice heart, and my guest Gabrielle Jimenez is a conscious dying coach, a hospice nurse, an end-of-life doula, a blogger, and author of two books, Soft Landing and The Hospice Heart. And are you afraid of dying? Do you believe death is the end? Are you experiencing grief or loss? Were you witness to a loved one who has many fears, regrets, or was left alone? We want to change the narrative and explore all the lessons learned about life Through death. And Gabby quoted, life is fragile and precious. Nothing is guaranteed. Make sure to live your life fully, love fiercely, practice kindness and compassion always. Depression and anxiety are a side effect of not living your life intuitively, not trusting your gut, the lost connections with yourself and others. And I truly believe healing is the end of conflict within yourself, and that healing begins where the ego ends. This is Season 2, and you can find us live every Wednesday at 3 PM Pacific, 4 Mountain, 6 Eastern. A new guest and topic every week. Your soul's purpose is here. 2020, we were raising love to the 5D level through our summit. Uh, this year in 2021, we know we can go direct to Source, so we're hosting a Christ Consciousness Summit Saturday, May 1st, and Sunday, May 2nd, from 10 AM to 3 PM Pacific, and we're live streaming it on Facebook and YouTube. Look for the link. I'm so excited to see you there. Replays can be found on my Facebook and YouTube pages. Please like, please subscribe, please share, please follow, and please rate and review wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. Hello everyone and welcome to the show. I'm Christine J Gold and I'm like, wow, That, that was a long intro. I don't know, was that a couple minutes? Yeah, according to Facebook and YouTube, it was about 3 minutes. Woo! All right, uh, welcome, come on in. It took a couple weeks break. Thank you so much. I, you know, unplugged, I reset, I recharged. I'm here and I'm bringing in a beautiful soul that I absolutely admire, I respect Um, I met her a couple months ago, and right from the first conversation, I'm like, okay, this is gonna be good. And, uh, yeah, like I had mentioned, she is, um, you know, wonderful. She's a hospice nurse. She does the work that, um, I think many of us are afraid to do, maybe don't think they can do, maybe it would be too much to do. And I want to honor and thank her for everything she has done. She's written a couple books too, and we're going to give them away at the end, so you, you have to, you know, stay tuned for that and find out how to enter. Okay, all right everyone, and here she is. Hello Gabby, thank you so much for being here. And I always ask my guests, where in the world are you?

Well, I am in Redwood City, which is about 30 minutes from San Francisco in California.

Beautiful. So I— we're talking the redwoods. I've— and that's interesting because we were talking about ancient trees.

There are a lot of beautiful forests around here.

Wonderful. I love it. And I am in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. So come on in, guys, say hello, let us know where you're from, what you're looking forward to hearing about this episode of The Hospice Heart, and ask any questions you have about end of about death, maybe share a story or two as well. I mean, this is a, you know, a connection, a collaboration. We're here, and you know, Gabby really is here to— I called her the bridge because I truly feel that she is the bridge to the other side, but in a different way. I mean, in the work that I do as well, when I talk to people who have passed over as well, so just, it's slightly different, but you're still very intrinsically connected connected on all sides, and I want to thank you for that.

Well, thank you, and thank you for having me today. I'm excited.

Wonderful. Just saying hello to Patty. Hello Patty, so nice to see you. Um, she's saying that she's not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of how. Okay, that, that's— we're going to talk about that. And thank you. Yes, I am very relaxed. Um, so I guess we're just going to go into that. Is that one of the— I guess, is that maybe a top fear for many, is how?

Um, I think more how than when, because they— there's such an anticipation for pain, and so I think people are worried. You know, I, I have to admit, even with the work I do, I think I have always had a fear that I was going to drown, which has made me very afraid of water. So you rarely will see me out in the ocean or even a swimming pool, to be honest, because I'm afraid of that. Now, I am not afraid to die now, and maybe that's because of the work I do, um, and I truly believe it's going to be peaceful and beautiful because I'm going to make sure of that. Um, I don't want to die now. I am definitely not ready. I have a whole lot more to do. But yeah, I think people are afraid, and one One of the things that I have learned, and this might ease some, is that the dying process itself, to die is not painful. And my advice to everyone is to think about it ahead of time. You know, I teach this course, it's called, um, Your Best 3 Months. And basically what it is, is it's anticipating you only have 3 months left to live. And I, each, each grouping of classes I do differently, so it's never the same, but I do it with the idea of preparing people to die mentally. And with it, the outcome is that they will, A, want to live a better, more fierce and full life. They will also maybe care for others who are dying with a gentler kindness about them. But also they will know what they want, and they will set that out maybe in writing and allow others to know that when I die, this is what I want. And once you do that, you, you live a fuller life. And, and the time frame of that is so unpredictable that you just take that out of your head because now you know what you want, you've set that out, and, and you, you live life now because this is all we've got. This is all we can be absolutely certain of.

Yeah, I love that. I, I just— it's like a blueprint. I, I work with blueprints and vision boards and goals. Having a death goal, I guess, would be, or a the other side goal? What does that look like to you? Because when you're clear, you have a sense of peace. Absolutely.

I know that I want to be near the ocean. I know that I want Tom Petty playing often. I know that I want all of my friends and family there, that I do want people around me. And I, I mean, I've written it down to the point of, of what— music, of of course, I have a full-on end-of-life playlist, but also things I don't want, you know. And when you focus on that more than the when and if, and you really think about what you would like, it makes it a little bit more comforting and, and perhaps remove some of the fear. Death, death isn't painful. That's what I believe. And, um, therefore, take that out of your head. It's inevitable. It's going to happen to every single one of us. But if we live our life just embracing this moment right now and not thinking about anything else but that, imagine how much more fun we would have.

Oh man, it, you know, it's a party. It really is. You know, I, I've shared stories with my clients about it's— everybody's there, including their pets. I mean, and there's no pain. And there's absolute freedom, and all they want for you is the very best. Um, now I'm just saying hello to Terry from Delaware. Patty has held many hands as people have passed on. Thank you, Patty. Miss Marsha, I guess you guys are neighbors. She's in Benicia, California.

Welcome.

Yeah, welcome. Susan is saying hello. Thank you, Susan. Hi, Barbara, you are new. Well, thank you for sharing your time. I, I so appreciate you and supporting Gabby. Yeah, she does rock, doesn't she? Uh, Lindsay is saying, right before my brother passed, he asked my mom to open the window as— okay, he smelled lemons.

I love that.

I've heard— I've had other people on talk about the in-between like when the veil is lifted, it's, it's almost like they go back to their childhood or they smell something that brings them euphoria.

And I would imagine their, their sense of smell is heightened as well. I'm aware that the hearing is heightened, but I do believe that the sense of smell is. Yes, I do.

Yeah, I actually remember one gentleman saying that he wanted a Guinness beer, and he doesn't drink, but that's what he wanted. 4 in the morning.

I like the idea of lemons. I'm gonna add that to my list.

Yeah. Uh, let's see. Oh, she's saying that, um, she's not afraid of water. Okay, so there's a little discrepancy there, but hey, you know what, we all have. And I've done, um, a course on past life fear, and water is def— is one of them, and it's like usually linked to a past life. But we'll talk about that another time. Uh, Tracy is saying, hello, I'm brand new to the group. My mom just passed away last month. Oh my goodness. And I looked after her alone at home till the end, and she was so scared to die, which has left me very unsettled. Um, do you hear stories like this?

Yeah, Tracy, first of all, the fact that you were home and cared for her, I just want you to know that's that's lovely, and, and that's beautiful. I guess what I want— would want to know is, did she die peacefully, regardless of what might have been in her head and the fears that she was carrying? Because if she died peacefully, then I want you to allow that to bring you some calm and comfort. Um, people are scared because of the unknown. There's so much uncertainty about death and dying, and I think because people are so afraid of it, they don't feel the freedom and safety to talk about it. We need to talk about it. The more we talk about it, the we're, we're a little, we're a little more friendly with it. And, you know, talking about it doesn't make it happen sooner. If you talk about a death or death or someone else's death or dying, it doesn't speed the process up. It just makes you a little more comfortable with it. So I can appreciate where your mom might have been feeling, but knowing that you were there must have brought her so much comfort. And I really want you to hold that in your heart and know that Well, the moment that she took her last breath, I truly believe with every ounce of my being that it was peaceful and beautiful. And I want you to hold that in your heart as well.

Yeah. And just as you were talking, I had seen a vision of like a heavy weight being lifted. I don't know, something about a rock or something. I don't know if she was the rock, you were the rock, somebody was the rock, and I just felt it lift. Um, I don't know what that's about, but hey, you know, spirit works in wondrous ways. Just like we talked about before we got on the show, how you, you told a story about a gentleman you felt called to go and see him.

So yeah, and it's kind of ironic that it would happen today. So I had seen a couple patients this morning, and, um, and I, I had finished one, and I there's this gentleman that I had visited with several times, and I really liked him. I liked everything about him. I liked being with him when I had every chance, and I liked his energy. And I was sitting in my car, and I was charting for my last visit, and I don't know how else to say this without sounding kind of different or weird or strange, but it was so beautiful. I felt like he was sending me a message. And the message was, I'm dying. And he asked me to come see him. So I stopped everything, I went over there, I sat next to his bed, I told him I was there, I put my hand in— I put my hand in his and he squeezed it. And I said, I'm here. And I said, it's okay to go now, you know. And I told him what— how I was so truly honored to be able to be one of the people that shared in his care and that I really liked him a lot. And, you know, he's, he's got a lot of physical ailments, so he wasn't able to walk or run or even breathe without any type of equipment. So I said, I hope that your journey is peaceful. I hope that you can breathe all of the beautiful air. I hope you can get up and walk and be with people that you haven't seen in a long time. And most of all, I hope you know that you are so deeply loved and cared for. And I just held his hand for about an hour and I left. And he's still with us now, but I I knew that I needed to go say goodbye. So I— all day now I've been checking the messages to see if, if he's passed yet. But at least I know that I sent him with a message from me.

I love it. You're, you're— like I said, you're so connected. I mean, the work that you do, we don't realize how connected we are to each other. Like when someone pops in our head and then they show up, or a phone call, or something happens You're like, okay, you know, that's the ego trying to get in there going, yeah, no, that's crazy, that's— no, no more of that. That is divine connection and it needs to be honored. And thank you so much for honoring him, uh, that way. He is so— you're an angel, earth angel.

I do love what I do. Yes, I'm very blessed to do this work.

Uh, Marsha is excited to hear about the classes you teach, where and when, and she wants to be a contributor to hospice and help be a death doula. She actually put that on her vision board. We've worked together in a mentorship, so, um, you definitely— you guys should connect. She's, she's an amazing lady.

Well, Marsha, I definitely want to encourage you to do that. I am a death doula, and I will say that currently, um, hospice is not at least not where I live, has not included the death doula as part of their hospice team. It's not really incorporated in the work we do, but the, the training, the— at least for me, the in-depth training that I did, which was through Conscious Dying Institute. I researched all the programs. Some are more expensive than others, some are deeper than others. It really has to be what you need and want. I wanted to go super deep, so I did. And, um, that training has made me a better nurse, certainly a better, um, bedside companion for people who are dying. It's given me a deeper insight to life and the gifts that it offers. So I, I think that in general everyone should take this class because I think it might make them a little bit more kinder to others. The class that I teach is a combination doula hospice course about helping others at the end of their life, and it's for clinicians, it's for caregivers, it's for family members, definitely for doulas. It's a good teaser course for the doula program, and it just— it, it's a class, it's, it's a 7-week class, and it is filled with just a lot of deep thinking and having— I encourage everyone to just go to places they're not familiar with. And so far it's been amazing what they're doing. And I get these beautiful emails that say, I can't wait for the next class. So it's a, it's a wonderful course and it inspires people to, to live life more fully and more fiercely, of course, but also to be a little more comfortable with taking care of people at the end of life. And simply being present is part of that, sitting at the bedside and letting let someone know that they're not dying alone. And, and that's what I, I try to hand over my tools and, and encourage people to do this work.

I love it. So brave. And yeah, to, to actually just dive in, um, that's the only way to do it, um, arms wide open and always there to catch you.

Um, absolutely.

Patty is just sharing that, um, she prepared her family, uh, when I die, why I want to be cremated. I'm a moody Moodie Blues fan. I love that. And the Beatles. Ooh. And my ashes are to be tossed into the ocean and a huge party that I'm free.

Ah, Patty, we are sisters, except for maybe the Moody Blues and the Beatles. And I like them, but they're not high on my list. I too want to be cremated. I want to be at the ocean. I'm kind of a Tom Petty, Grateful Dead, Decemberists girl, you know, and, and a lot of good '60s '60s folk would be nice. My playlist is about 5 hours long, so our party would have to last, but I want those things as well. And I think it's great. I think we should all write a letter to our families and friends and say, look, this is what I want, because the last thing I want is for them to bury me somewhere where I don't want to be, serve hot dogs and pretzels with no wine. I mean, and no music, or maybe they play Jazz, and nothing's wrong with jazz, but you know what I mean? Like, if you want someone to honor your wishes on any level for any reason, you have to tell them what you want, right? Like, we can't expect people to read our minds, and that goes with your dying process. I have a list and it's very clear.

Yeah, it's, it's like creating a will as well. It— you don't want fighting. I mean, this That's not the idea. There's— there should not be any fighting, and there should not be— um, I mean, there's grief, right? And we will talk about grief, um, because you, you had mentioned, um, that there's, you know, different stages. So how do you see grief in, in a process? And, you know, as well, what other advice would you offer for someone that's grieving?

Well, so, you know, there's the anticipatory grief, and I'm just going to use the example of you are sitting next to the bedside of someone that you love and they are dying, and you know that they're dying, so you are anticipating it. You are foreseeing the future, and you're thinking, okay, in several hours or several days or perhaps longer, this person is going to die, and you're already feeling this ache inside. And, and that's incredibly normal. If I could give advice, it would be to to honor your sadness, but don't let it consume the time that you do have with this person. So if they are lying in the bed and they can talk and they can participate in conversation, of course engage, and try not to talk about what life will be without them. Instead, talk about what life is like with them. And you're navigating the death grief later. Like, I just want you to not focus on that. I— when I'm with families, especially couples who've been together many years, I like to ask questions like, how did you meet? What was your first date like? Or I'll see a picture of a couple. I love couple pictures, you know, like there should be picture— couples should take lots of pictures because if you're going to die, that is what you have left to remember them and your memories. But I want to hear the stories. I want to know how you lived your life. And if you do do that, if you have this conversation, which I have with a lot of people saying goodbye, when those last breaths are taken, there's— I believe that I have given them something else in their head to think about, which is the wonderful times they spent with that person. And so you go through that, you're with them, you're present, you honor the, the time that you do have with them, and then they die. And grief is real. And grief should never be given a time clock. And it just infuriates me when I hear people say, "Aren't you over that by now? Shouldn't you be done feeling that?" No, there is no time frame. People grieve differently and for longer periods of time, and sometimes people don't feel anything right away, or, or maybe they just haven't really embraced it yet. And so time might go by— weeks, months, years— and suddenly that loss is even more painful than it was when it first happened. I didn't have a very close relationship with my parents, and I feel more ache now having them gone, and they've been gone 20 years. And I realized that what that is, is it's me honoring and accepting the fact that what I really miss is what I didn't have. And my sister, who was the closest person of family to me in my whole life, died 6 years ago, and I miss her more now than I did then. And for someone to tell you that you should stop feeling, that's telling you to stop loving. Every anniversary, every birthday, every holiday that you shared, every event that signifies a memory is going to trigger your response to the loss that you're feeling, and that is real. And people should be allowed to, to work through that in their own way. As long as you're not hurting yourself or causing harm in any way, I think that it has to be on your terms. And if you can't sit with someone and listen to them tell you again how much they miss their husband or their sister or their mother, then maybe you need to step away. Because what your friend really needs right now is for you to continue checking in, and especially on those, those difficult memory times, the anniversaries. And, and when someone does lose someone, and those first few weeks, you know, everybody's gathered around them and bringing food dishes and they're holding their hands and they're calling them and it's lovely, but that starts to waver. I think people stop feeling the need to check in, but you need to check in. You need to keep checking in and say, "How do you feel? Do you want to talk about your sister? Do you want to talk about your mother? How are you doing? You want to go for a walk?" Because grief does not go away. Grief does not have a time clock. It doesn't know if it's a holiday. It doesn't know if it's been 3 years or 12. 12. But it's, it's a thing that happens inside of us that reminds us how much we loved and miss someone terribly. So my advice is be, be real with it, talk about it, feel all the feels, and, and don't punish yourself if one day you find yourself laughing and you think to yourself, I shouldn't be laughing right now, I shouldn't be smiling, I'm supposed to be I have to be sad and very upset because I've lost someone. No, it's okay to laugh because that's an emotion. And it's okay to not cry for a week or a month or 2 years and then suddenly find yourself bursting in tears. My advice is for you who are grieving is to reach out and ask for help and ask for someone to talk to. And for those of you who have someone that you know is hurting, please don't stop checking in on them. And if you've lost someone, and let's say your loved one wasn't on hospice, but you're having a really, really difficult time, I want you to look into your community, find your local hospice, and ask for their social worker or bereavement team, because most of them offer free support in their community. There is a lot of resources, and I, I want you to know that you are not doing this alone.

Oh yeah, that, that's a lovely reminder that the resources and asking for help and that there is no timeline. Because I, I feel that, you know, if we do that, then we become our, you know, low— we beat ourselves up and we're critical and, and we suppress, and then it comes out in other ways, right?

Right.

And I, I think I was— I came across on your website, um, dig into your wonderful bag of love. What's that about?

No, you mean when I dig into my bag?

Yeah, or maybe you would offer that to other people. What would be in their bag, right?

You know, it's, um, I'm hoping this is where this came from because I say it all the time but for different reasons. So when I first became a hospice nurse, I, I had all these tricks and tools that I had, you know, acquired and I continued to acquire, and, and I would use them at those powerful, significant moments, you know, with families and stuff. And, and they were mine. Well, what I realized was that someone once called me the Hospice Santa, that I have this bag of wonderful gifts in this bag, right, that I bring them out when needed. But what I've started to do is share them, share them with the families, the people who are going to be at that bedside far longer than I, and I hand them over these these tools and these tricks and this big gaping bag of love. And I say, here, try this, because at the end of the day, I want them to know that they provided this beautiful care, that they, they contributed to making the landing a little bit softer. Bag of love is all the things that have been given me, all the lessons I've learned about life through death, all the beautiful moments I've been invited to that so private and so intimate and so beautiful. And, and I cherish them, and they fill my bag, this bag that never, never doesn't have a top. It doesn't get full, it just keeps filling continuously, like my heart. My heart.

Yes, yes, absolutely. And like Santa's bag.

Uh, yes, I love that.

That's, that's beautiful. Uh, hi Jeff, so nice to see you here. Thank you for joining us. Hello Connor off of YouTube. All right, we got some YouTubers on here. And, uh, Jeff is, is saying there is a key that opens the gate. Um, I believe he's talking about the transition and with death. Um, hi Lion, so nice to see you. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for joining us. I'm just trying to catch up on some comments. We got a very interactive audience today. Thank you guys so much for being here. Um, Patty is talking about her mom when she passed in 2007. I read the Bible every day and told her when she left, she was to hug my grandparents for me.

You know, people— I, I tend to say that too when I'm, when I'm there for last breaths. I'll think of somebody that I want a message passed to, and I'll say, hey, would you go and see my sister, and would you say this? You know, you mentioned Patty, about the Bible. One of the things that I, I find most joyful in what I do is the different faiths that I get to— you know, I'm not religious. I was to pick a religion, I'd probably pick Buddhism just because I gravitate it so strongly towards it, so strongly. But I get to see faith on all levels and different types of of prayer and different types of commitment that bring so much comfort. And I am just in awe of, of how much strength and comfort prayer and faith brings other people. And in some ways I'm envious of it because I'm just not there yet, but I do find it beautiful, and I do truly believe that, that it does bring people the comfort they need to, to let go.

Absolutely. And, um, Jeff is actually a chaplain at the Unity of Sedona, and he leads a monthly prayer. And when I first learned about prayer, like way back when, I thought, oh, you know, God, give me this, God, give me that. Okay, I'm good. Now I know it's co-creative and it's already done. It's like manifestation. You act like it already is, and that's how it works.

I, I agree. And you know, the other thing I have found, that when someone is struggling, I will say to them, I'm going to pray for you, and I mean it with every ounce of my being. Um, does it mean I'm going to pray to God or to any other source?

No.

What it means is I'm going to pray to that higher power that I know covers me with protection. I'm not quite sure yet who or what or where. I just know that it's there. So when I say I'm going to pray for you, I really mean it. And I mean it with— so it's, it's like a hug to me. I am going to hug you with my protection, my source, my love of spirit, and, and hand it over so that you feel protected too, regardless of who or what you pray to.

Absolutely. Absolutely. It comes from the heart, and that's all that matters. So Marsha is just thanking you to, you know, listening to spirit and going to see that gentleman.

Um, I'm glad too.

And Patty is, you have to be a special kind of person to see and watch them die.

I have seen, um, hundreds of last breaths, and, um, and it's not easy. This work isn't easy, but I do feel comforted in knowing that I provided care and support to someone who was dying because I believe that all humans deserve that. And there's something that happens to me each time someone takes that last breath, and I— if there's no one in the room, I will whisper into their ear goodbye. You know, I always say goodbye, and I will wish them a safe journey. And if family's there, I will either reach over and hold them or hug them or just take their hand, or I'll back away to let them be present for them. But a last breath is so final, and it deserves respect and, um, and sometimes privacy. And I honor that every time. But I do— when I leave a home after someone has died, I, I have to take care of me too. And so I, I, but I, I either talk about it or I, I have a grief bowl that I use to help me work through the, the different difficulties that I experience. For me, it's the sky. I love the sky so much, and I'll just kind of look up there and I'll just go, okay, okay, Universe, we got this, you know, and, and hope that I can make it through to the next day, because the next day I'm going to do it all over again. And I don't ever want to feel numb to it or not feel this emotional to someone else's death or the loss of someone that they love.

Absolutely. I was going to ask how you— how can you manage and deal? I mean, it's, you know, you're human, right? So thank you for sharing those. Very beautiful. I mean, nature is always so inspiring. Patty is talking about that she invited a friend to watch this or to join us who lost her son last year, uh, to COVID, and she's in so much pain.

Oh my goodness, Joyce, I am so— gosh, I, I was with my family this weekend and my daughter found out that someone that she knew and cared for had died from COVID and, um, Any death is hard, especially when it's unexpected and especially when it's someone young. But as a mother, to have to say goodbye to your son, my heart just holds so much extra space for you. And know that I will, I will think about you often and, and send you comfort and strength to get through this time. Honor him, love him, talk about him often, you know, play his favorite music or, or look at his photos, but just honor his life for as long as you were able to have him with you. And I'm sorry for your loss.

Yes, absolutely. Um, Patty is just talking about John Edwards. Um, he's a medium, but he always says that year 2 is the worst because of grief, because no one is there for you anymore.

Actually, why I hear that too. Um, I am I think it's more like, like the second month.

Okay.

It was about the first two months, everyone's all over your grill, right? They—

oh, it's like a new baby.

Yeah, they're all there. They're— oh, they want to be there. They want to give you food and love and support, and that's wonderful. But it starts to wear off about the second month. And but the second year is probably— I guess it's all painful because it's it's all relative to moments that make you remember, you know, the anniversary of the death, the first time you heard the news of the diagnosis, the, you know, the holidays, all of those things that we talked about earlier. Those remember, you know, you remember because of that, right? So you're, you're constantly bringing it up. It's this vicious cycle. It doesn't go away. So all the years are difficult. Um, but I do understand what he means by that.

Yes. Yeah, no, I, I'm sure he's heard that quite a bit. So I, I hear that as well. It just depends what's going on. Um, Marsha loves your bag of love idea, and she finds it such a blessing and privilege to be able to be the ones who are transitioning. Yeah, it's an honor. It absolutely is. And I think I heard you in one of your interviews say that your patients save you?

Yeah, actually, I think, you know, I have learned so much from the people that I get to take care of and help transition, you know, from life to death, and the families that have to say goodbye. I have so many takeaways. I do think that I'm a better human being because of everything that I've learned. I I don't— I want to say that they saved me, but not in the way that it must sound. I think that they remind me to be more appreciative of life and the people that are in it and the gifts and blessings that we take so for granted so often. And my patients keep me very focused on how truly blessed I am. And, um, they, you know, they, they give me this sort of childlike excitement about life. Like, I want to play all the time. I don't have the energy as much as I'd like because I'm so busy. But, um, you know, they— death reminds me to live. And, um, and I have a really good life, and I am really blessed, and I do not take that for granted. And the The people that I say goodbye to remind me of that every single day. Mm-hmm.

And it reminds me of a quote from Shawshank Redemption, one of my favorite movies. Morgan Freeman said, either get busy living or get busy dying. Yes. Um, Becca, um, she shared quite a few comments here. Um, sorry, she's terrified of dying. I do believe it is so important to be there, and I do my best to be there. Okay, but then she also mentioned afterwards, ironically, I have surgery Friday and I've been terrified. Last surgery almost killed me.

Okay, this probably isn't the best advice, but here's what I'm going to say to you, Becca. If it's your time, it's going to happen, and there's not a whole lot we can do about it. But I want you to change your intention. I want you to wake up that morning and say, I'm going to get through this. I am going to get through this, and I'm going to have a fuller, more vibrant life because of it. This surgery is going to do what it needs to do. You have to set intention. You have to ask— for me, it's the universe— this is what I want, this is how I want to feel. Don't let those thoughts cloud your energy. I mean, I think that Christine could probably answer this better than I, especially about the energy, but I think we are the makers of our own magic, right? We can say this is going to be a horrible day and therefore it tends to end up being a horrible day. Those people drive me insane because what I want to say, and every morning I do, I have these 9 bracelets. Every morning I get up and I set 9 intentions.

Oh, I love that.

Right? And I say, you know, sometimes it's just about traffic. You know, don't let these drivers drive you crazy. But most of the time it's about appreciating moments. About having a good day, having a full day, not to get angry, not to be impatient. And at the end of the day, I say what I'm grateful for, 9 things. So Becca, here's what I want you to do. I want you to wake up Friday morning and say, "I got this," with so much intention that everyone's energy is feeling it and you vibrate onto everyone around you and their day is going to be okay too. And when you wake up, I want you to be filled with gratitude.

Absolutely. I can speak for this because I had a major surgery 2 years ago, and we all get that. No one— a lot of people don't like, you know, the doctor or the dentist or, you know, going under, you know, any type of anesthesia or whatever. And hospitals bring a lot of fear. I understand. So I had asked my team, my collective Christine J Gold, that's my guides, my angels, my loved ones, my ancestors, everybody to come in, surround the room that I'm going to be in, to guide the doctor's hands, the nurses, whoever comes in and out of my energy, my vibration of the highest good. Everything will be done, thy will be done for the highest good, and I come out better than I came in. I mean, it's, um It's visualizing the room that you're going to be in and just imagining it and even writing it out and having a prayer and making an affirmation, a mantra, a decree, a declaration for yourself as well.

These—

the hands that will be on me are guided by the universe, by God, by Buddha, by Mickey Mouse, whoever it happens to be. You got to believe in something, right?

So I totally agree with you.

Mm-hmm. And I will be saying a prayer for you as well. So, and everyone here will collectively. We have your back, Becca. Okay.

I love this saying that I say to, um, it's to anyone who will listen really, but it's don't wait for the bedside to say the things, you know. Don't wait for a, an upcoming surgery to suddenly, um, you know, say the, say the things or do the things or If we lived life every day letting the people we know that we love know that we love them and that we are our best selves, we live our life as well as we possibly can, we are good and kind and compassionate and tell the truth to the best of our ability. If we can live every day making sure that, that we don't carry regrets into the next day, then when you get to that moment where you have an upcoming surgery or something along those lines, You're not going, I should have done this. Oh, I should have called my sister. I should have— don't wait for things like these moments to say and do the things. And don't live a life with regret, you know that, right? Like, that's not healthy. If I was to die today, which I can't because I have way too much to do in the next couple months, years and years and years and years, but if I was I don't have any regrets, and that's huge for me. And I had to work really hard to get there. I had to resolve some stuff. I had to let go of some stuff that I've been kind of internally hoarding for far too long. I've allowed people space that do not deserve it, and I am trying to move through life the very best that I can. And I, I've got obstacles, and I am a work in progress, but I don't want to have a surgery on Friday thinking that I didn't say the thing. So Becca, love your people fiercely and set a beautiful, healthy, strong intention for your surgery because I'm going to do that for you as well.

Mm-hmm. Love that. And it's interesting you brought up regrets because that was like my next question. Um, you hear that a lot. I mean, Wayne Dyer, you know, I call him my spiritual grandfather. But Viktor Frankl, if you have not read his book Man's Search for Meaning, he says, he says, and he was in a concentration camp, that's what this book is based on. And this man woke up every day with a beautiful smile and tried to be in service for others. So that's the other thing we have to remember, we are in service for others. That is where we find our purpose. That's it. And our healing at the same time. It's very interesting. But he said don't let the music die. Don't let the music die within you. Don't, don't do it. He— that was— he said that was the many regrets of the people that passed, is they didn't get to do all the things that lit them up, that made them sing, that made them dance, that made them have bliss and joy.

Yes, I agree with all of that.

So what Do you hear regrets, I guess, is what I'm asking? And do you have— I don't want to say like the top 10, I don't know, is there a very common—

I mean, you kind of mentioned like make that phone call, say I love you, disconnect with siblings, you know, um, I haven't talked to my brother in 10 years, you know, or, um, there's a lot of regret in relationships, there's I had a woman who was saying goodbye to her husband, and he— they'd been married for 72 years. And I'm thinking— and this doesn't happen very often, usually I hear wonderful things— but I was ready, ready for her to say how beautiful it was. And you know what she, she said? She said, 'God, I wish this happened 30 years ago.' And I said, 'That he died? And like, you're wishing that?' Like, I really clearly didn't interpret the situation well. And she goes, I've been miserable for 30 years. And I, I really— that resonated with me because you only get one chance here, you know. And, and if you're gonna have a disconnect with family, then you have to resolve, let it go. Like, okay, that's how it's gonna be, that's okay too. But you can't let it carry on your shoulder like a heavy weight. And if you're in a relationship or you have a friendship that is not everything you want it to be, and you're holding on to that because maybe you're afraid, you know, to try something different, or you're afraid to let it go, or you're still trying to resolve some of your own inner stuff. Think about that for a minute, because 30 years from now, you could have spent the last 30 years with someone you don't like very much. And is that what you want to do? And And I think that's what I see. I mean, I don't, I don't want that in my life. I don't want to carry anger or hate or dislike for people that are in my circle. I, I want joy. I want to know that the people that I'm with, that they love me. And for the most part, I feel that. And, and I think that's something I have to work on for myself. So I encourage all of you to do the same thing, and that is to to either resolve your issues now or to let it go completely because it's just too heavy to carry.

Forgiveness for self and others. I think of a Ho'oponopono prayer: I'm sorry, thank you, please forgive me, I love you. That is the simplest thing to say to yourself and to others. And maybe you're not ready, but you can still say it.

Yeah, I think that, that as well. And yes, that's beautiful. Mm-hmm.

Yes, amen, says Barbara. Uh, Becca, that's the goal— better, better, better. Thank you. My thoughts are all— are with you all too. Oh, so I felt her energy shift because when she came in, and now we're like, okay, we're lifting, we're raising vibrations, let's go.

Feels a little bit like I got this.

Yes, I love it, I love it. Yes, and, and Patty's encouraging Becca to come on next Wednesday and tell us how it went and what you did as far as setting intention.

Yay!

Yeah, well, I love that. Look at this community. You guys are amazing. You guys are amazing. Um, and Marsha's just sharing, one of the best gifts a friend gave me was to have a way of communicating with your loved ones when they pass. Ask them what What do you want to choose when you pass? The smell of perfume and animal lips. Swans. You'll be amazed how often you see those things after they pass. Oh, signs, symbols, synchronicities. Ask them and they will show you. Yes.

Oh yeah, I hear that often. Um, I hear people say the radio suddenly turned on, you know, or a lot of people see dragon— dragon— yeah, dragonflies and hummingbirds and the red cardinal, or they see pennies on the ground and smell perfume or cigarette smoke.

That's very common.

And I think that we need that, you know. It bring— whether you believe it or not, if someone tells you they smelled, you know, cherry blossoms and it reminded them of someone that had passed, simply say to them how lucky you are that you have that. Because I think it's wonderful. Whenever I smell sawdust, I think of my dad. Um, we were not close, but when I was little, he had a cabinet shop. And so after school, I would go and I would sit there for hours while he worked on his cabinets. And I— the place was filled with sawdust. And every time— and it's been 20 years now plus, I think— um, every time I smell sawdust, I think about him. And there's this moment where I'm, I'm a little bit sad because I, I wish things had been better. Then there's this other part of me that says, hmm, maybe it could have been. But mostly I'm thankful to have that scent because it does take me back to a time. And while he and I didn't get along very well, I loved being in that cabinet shop. I loved watching him build and I loved looking at the things he made. And he was such a strong man and a hard worker, the hardest working man I've ever known. And so when I smell that scent, that bit of sawdust, I'm taken back to the qualities about him that I really loved. So I think it's wonderful if we have something, whether it's something we see or smell, that brings us back to a time and place that, that we need to remember.

Yeah, absolutely. Um, I, I, I get that all the time. I'll smell something like, oh, okay, somebody, somebody's here. Hello. Many times it's not for me, but that, that's fine. I mean, the same thing works works with dreams as well. And your dreams many times is a lot of symbols, a lot of messaging for yourself and, and for others. So thank you for sharing that. Um, and I just want to quickly talk about your Facebook group. I was just blown away at how many people are, are showing up. And I mean, just tell me a little bit about that.

So the Hospice Hearts started about about a year ago in August, and, um, it started out— I wanted to create a page where people could come and talk about death and dying without the fear of what others think. And also, I started to think about people who try to navigate their own losses or difficulties or struggles alone and how hard that. And I think in general people want to be kind. I mean, it's a lot harder work to be mean than it is to be kind. And most people, I want to believe, want to do that, right? So I started this page and the kind of beginning was that people don't often ask me how my day is because they're afraid I'm going to tell them, you know, because, oh gosh, there goes Gabby. She's going to talk about someone who died again. We can't have her at parties because she talks about death and everybody cries. And I deal with that a lot. And I know, I understand that I leave that, that kind of— I thought I would create a place where someone would ask me how my day was. So I started it and the first week or two, there was maybe 1,000 people kind of joined in. And so it's been about a year and maybe a year and a half now. And there's 70,000 people on this page, and they are so filled with kindness and compassion. And sometimes I'll write something that's for me, you know, I'll write it, something I experienced, a feeling I had, a death I witnessed, a lesson I've learned, and I'll put it out there and I'll get a whole lot of comments. And then the comments will get comments, and sometimes I'll I'll write, I'll just share something that, that touched my heart. And, and sometimes I'll get 50,000 responses and sometimes I'll get 5. You just never know what people are in the mood for. But what I've done is I've created this safe community where people can come together and either talk about how they feel or comfort someone who is talking about how they feel. And I, I'm not I don't lie. I don't sugarcoat things. When I put it out there, I put my raw truth. And sometimes it's when I'm feeling most vulnerable or scared or sad, and I put it out there. And I think the honesty is a draw because then that allows someone else to come and be equally as vulnerable and honest and share their concerns and worries about everything. It's a beautiful place. Over the last couple months, I've, I've really allowed it to be a place where I share my stuff, my blogs, my, my work, whatever. But what I've started doing is sharing others. So I get a lot of emails, a lot of emails for advice, a lot of, a lot of sadness, a lot of loss and how to navigate it. But I also get some beautiful work by poets and writers, and I'm just so touched that they share it with me. I want the world to hear them. I want them to have a place So I, I will share their work. I'll share their poetry, their blogs, because this isn't about me, you know. It helps me, it comforts me, and it's, it's my Facebook page, but it's not just about me. And I love bringing new people onto the stage and, and having their words be heard. And it's beautiful. It is a beautiful, lovely place to be.

Yeah, wow, lovely. It just— yeah, thank you for creating that space, because vulnerability creates a space for people to heal. That, you know, guilt and shame are usually highly tied together, and through vulnerability, there's a space to heal that. So thank you so much for doing that. Um, I, I absolutely love it. I— for some reason, I heard like a poetry book or hear something about hospice or dying, transition, death. So I don't know if that's something you have in the works or you haven't thought about, but it just came through. Um, Becca is saying thank you, I will be there. I think she's going to come back and let us know. So next week we're, we're looking for you, Becca. We're looking for you. And here's funny, um, I didn't get to ask this, someone else did: what made you decide to do hospice? But she went back to school in her 40s, so this lady's brave. Too, guys.

Okay, or crazy.

Or crazy.

Uh, you know what, I'll give you the short version. I was in my 40s and I, um, I had my— I got laid off from work and I was caring for my friend's husband who was dying. He was also my friend, um, because she needed to work. And I, um, was with him for a couple weeks until he died. And I, I really loved that work. I loved everything it, it took to care for him, to help him eat, to help him bathe. I watched as hospice people came in and out, and I, I thought, I need to do this work. So I went to school to be a CNA and an HHA, and I did caregiving and home health care for mostly the elderly. And I really loved that, but I realized I wanted to do more. And I think it's because I was caring for this elderly couple, and I'm— they were on a bunch of different medications. And the more I watched them have side effects with medication and the aging process and how the body changes, and they keep giving them these same medications that probably aren't good for them at that age. And, and just— I, I just felt like their age was not being honored. And, and the, the changes in life as we age was not being honored for them. So I went back to school to be a hospice nurse in particular, like that was my intention, so that I could make sure that people whose lives are starting to change and illnesses are starting to progress and diagnoses are starting to suggest, you know, a shorter lifespan, that I can help them navigate that. So it was with intention to be a hospice nurse. That is all I want to do. Of course, now I'm in my late 50s and that's all I'm going to be. And—

oh, you don't look a day over 29. Come on now. Thank you. You're like an angel, really. And that dragonfly is symbolism for that as well. Is there a story with your necklace too, like with dragonflies? What's the story? Because I have a dragonfly necklace too. It's very interesting.

I just got this one, um, for my birthday. My friend Pat gave it to me. But I also have a couple tattoos that are dragonflies. Someone told me, and this may or may not be true, but I really don't care because in my mind it's true, that dragonflies only live 24 hours, and their job on, on Earth is to take the souls to heaven. So one day I was taking a walk with my friend and her dad had just died. And we were walking through this— it was just a, a commonly traveled hiking spot— and this swarm of dragonflies came around us. And I said to her, ah, they're taking your dad's soul to heaven. That was many, many years ago, but that's how I took it to believe. And so it started that every time I saw one, I knew that someone was going to die, someone that I knew or someone that I knew knew, and it always happened. And then when I would see it, I'd feel this sense of comfort and peace. And so dragonflies bring me peace, and I have them in my house, I have them on my neck, I have them, you know, dragonflies bring me peace.

I love that. I mean, it's your, your animal totem as well, and it's your symbolism for spirit and communication. So that's— I just, I wanted to know. But thank you so much. I, I love dragonflies, the colors, everything. Um, I always ask my guests these two questions. How, as a collective, how can we as a collective energy help make your dreams come true? What's your blue sky?

So I'm kind of doing it right now. I, um, became a, a Conscious Dying educator so that I can educate and teach others how to be more present at the bedside. So I think if, if everyone together talked to the people they loved, communicated their needs and wants and wishes at the end of life if they honored their death through their life, if they lived a fuller and kinder life, if they talked about the realistic stuff that happens more freely and openly, then maybe we could all come together and make sure that the landing is softer, that people are cared for better at the end of life, I want to encourage even just one person to provide kinder, compassionate care at the end of life. I see people die alone. I see people die dirty. I see people die ignored. I see— oh, I just see so much that just breaks my heart in so many places. And I think that we can change that. So if we talk about death more freely and more openly, Maybe people would be less afraid and they would be more encouraged and to provide better care. I want us as a, a collaboration to come together and care for people who are dying better. And, and I want to keep doing as much as I can to educate and hand over my big bag of love and say, here, I'm going to give you what I've got, and, and you can make some up on the way, but let's together, let's treat people better in life and in Oh, that was—

yeah, beautifully said. I so felt that. And everyone deserves dignity, no matter what. Nomad, we're all human. We are all human. So let's, let's love each other. Beautifully said. Um, and I love, you know, Soft Landing. We will talk about your books as well because there is a giveaway coming. But it's interesting you said Soft Landing. That's how I feel because, um, in my, you know, Dark Night of the Soul, or many people who have, you know, crashed and burned as they call it, with depression, anxiety, disease, whatever it was. Oh, I hit rock bottom. I had to hit rock bottom. I'm like, no, you want to be the soft landing before that bottom. So let's all be that. So I really appreciate you saying that because I truly believe that, you know, let me be like those angel wings. I'm just gonna hold you, you know, I've got you, you know, I've got you, we've got you. So, um, the last question: what does magic mean to you?

Gosh, you know, I, I say this saying a lot. In fact, I have a couple tattoos. This is one of the ones I want to get in. Um, we are the makers of our own magic. And magic to me means a couple things. It means keeping the child in you always alive. It means finding joy in the simplest and silliest of things. It means appreciating it all. It means making room for others, you know, and, and, and living together instead of keeping so separate. You know, I struggle right now with, um, so much hate in our world, and people are so mean. And, um, I think if we didn't do that, we would live a kinder and happier life. And I— that's what magic is to me. Magic is kindness and happy. Magic is a little glitter and sparkle. Magic is joy. And magic is keeping that child inside you alive forever and dancing, right? And never letting that music stop.

Yeah, I love it. And, and Uni agrees. I mean, I'm all about the inner child and fun. So I love that you said that. Thank you, thank you so much. And, uh, yeah, usually it's, you know, people that are in fear and, and hate and all that and separation are the ones that need love the most. That's our biggest test, truly. Um, all right, so we're gonna give away— we've got a couple books to give away, do we not?

Yes, I've got 3.

3 books. Okay, so Soft Landing So we're going to give you guys until Monday to comment. So if you want this book, you have to comment hospice, H-O-S-P-I-C-E. So comment hospice if you want a chance to win a copy of Gabby's book Soft Landing. And I'm sure it's going to be, you know, there's probably a page that isn't dry. At least that's how, you know, when I read something, I'm like, oh, you know, or I watch something, I, I love to cry. I mean, it's, it's very cleansing and healing, and it's something we need to do more of. I mean, it's good to have some anger, but you gotta try and transmute that into the emotional body somewhere else. So, all right, is there anything else you wanted to share with us before we say goodbye, other than I, I thank you for being here? Um, just amazing conversations. I know we'll have more, so Well, I definitely enjoyed this, so thank you.

I think if I could say anything at all, it is, um, that we only get one chance here, at least in this mindset. And, um, and the people that are in your life, the people that you love, tell them, treat them well, and treat yourself well. And you know, it doesn't— from my perspective It doesn't matter to me who you pray to, who you vote for, who you kiss, as long as you are kind and honest. And I think we have to stop being so judgmental and so hurtful and so mean because people are different. Different is the excitement. Different is the wild, crazy fabric square in the quilt that has all the same colored fabric. I want to be the crazy square. And I think we need to treat each other better and live this life so fiercely because you've got it. Today we know we've got today. Start being nicer to each other and have a really good time.

Yes, like they say, you're only here for, you know, a good time, not a long time. Yes, um, Patty is saying you guys are sisters. She went from a CNA to HAA.

Oh good. All right, the work you do is really important, so I want you to know that I personally appreciate your work in a very big way.

And Marsha is just, uh, saying thank you for being here today. You're truly wonderful soul, so much to give. We're blessed to have you in our community. Hugs and kisses.

Glad to be here.

All right, and it looks like we've got a couple people entered already, but don't fret, guys. If you're on the replay or on the podcast, just send me a message, hospice comment, reach out, email, whatever it happens to be, and you're in the draw. It doesn't matter. All right, well, thank you again, and I'm going to leave all the links, uh, to your website and your blog and your Facebook page so people want to get in touch with you, they can. And yes, thank you so much for your time, it is so appreciated. Um, just a few things, guys. Every Saturday I welcome in— this is a safe space for empaths, lightworkers, and sensitives— Unleash Your Soul's Purpose on Zoom every Saturday. So just comment soul if you want the link for that as well. Um, I just released, um, information on the solar plexus. So if you're looking for, you know, more about your chakras and the energy systems and how that works, please, uh, go to my YouTube site for that. And I am still welcoming, uh, one-on-one mentorships through Unleash Your Magic and the Power of 8. So feel free to reach out for that. I also put up monthly energy updates, and April's is out there, so don't forget to join for that. But, uh, thank you again, um, Gabby, and I'm so looking forward to your third book.

It's coming out.

It's coming. So keep your eyes out for that, guys. And I'm sending you guys so much love, and please remember, healing begins It's where the ego ends. Take care.

Thank you, Christine J Gold. Bye-bye.