Christine J GoldOwner, Soul Healers Sanctuary · ADHD Burnout Recovery Coach

I didn't want to die. I wanted the pain to end.

6 Jul 2026 · 3 min

Watch on YouTube

2:45

In this heartfelt monologue, the speaker recounts their darkest year in 2017, marked by severe depression, crippling anxiety, and two suicide attempts. They clarify that their desire was not to die but to end the relentless pain, attributing this feeling to a nervous system stuck in survival mode, which skews perception toward hopelessness. The speaker critiques the current focus on medical assistance in dying (MAiD) in Canada, urging a shift toward investing in trauma‑informed care, community support, nervous‑system healing, grief resources, and safe spaces. They describe their gradual recovery through therapy, breathwork, mentorship, meditation, movement, spiritual practices, and countless small, intentional choices. The talk concludes with a compassionate call to action: encouraging listeners in crisis to reach out to trusted individuals, contact the Canadian crisis line (988), and share the message to spark hope in others.

Chapters

I usually don't talk about this publicly, but I think someone needs to hear this today. In 2017, I lived through my darkest year of my life. I experienced severe depression, crippling anxiety, and attempted to end my life twice. Looking back now, I realize I didn't want to end my life. I wanted the pain to end. That's the difference. If you're feeling like that today, Hey, I need you to know something. The way you feel right now is not the whole story. When our nervous system has been stuck in survival for months and years, our brain starts believing there is no hope. It filters everything through fear, exhaustion, and despair. That is not a character flaw at all. It's often a sign that your whole system has been carrying too much for too long. With all the conversations happening in Canada about MAiD, it's made me ask a different question. How do we help more people rediscover reasons to live? What if we invested just as much in trauma-informed care, community, nervous system healing, grief support, retreats and spaces where people could simply feel safe again. And that's what it is— safety. That's the conversation I want us to have. My healing did not happen overnight. It happened through therapy, support, breathwork, some mentors and angels along the way, meditation, movement, spiritual practices, and thousands of tiny choices to stay strong with a pencil, not a sledgehammer. One small decision at a time, and my life slowly came back. If you're struggling today, please do not carry this alone. Reach out to someone you trust. Reach out to me. If you're in Canada and you're in crisis, call or text 988. And if this message gave you even the smallest spark of hope, share it with someone who might need to hear this, because your story isn't over yet.